Thanks to Sophia for these (from the Daily Mail I think).
The last two major plane crashes (this one and Tripoli) have both involved early morning landings, and the Polish president was also killed in a morning (although not early) landing
Could there be a common denominator?
Maybe something the authorities should take a look at.RIP to all that died.
- Graham, Torrevieja Spain, 22/5/2010 11:28
You probably all heard about that plane crash in India and, like me, your first instinct was to start investigating it immediately. You most likely left yourself a message stuck to the fridge saying “Remember to think very hard about what causes plane crashes“. You didn’t do anything about it though did you? No. But Graham did. He was all over that shit while you lazy fuckers were sat there in your knickers, eating crumpets and swigging champagne. Not only that, but he also found the time to send a brief message of support to the dead.
Kind of puts your efforts in perspective doesn’t it? Think on.
why are there so many plane crashes these days?
and i do hope they find survivors, its a shame to not see your loved ones again.
- jack, scotland, 22/5/2010 12:28
What do you mean “why”? Did you even read Graham’s report??? They’re caused by MORNINGS you prick.
You’re right though, it is a shame.
52 Responses to “Air Crash Investigit”
I do hope that after reading jack’s comment that the Indian authorities will buck up and find some survivors now (they obviously weren’t going to bother before this, and were only locating the dead people and leave any survivors to rot in the jungle). It’s a crying shame that it takes a HYS comment to galvanise the state into taking a hand these days.
Plane crashes are couased by people trying to alnd and doing it wrong, apparently. If they all landed properly then they wouldn’t crash, and it would not be a shame, methinks.
Aaargh! My eyes!
Shit, according to Graham there’s on a 1 in 2 chance that every single plane will come hurtling to earth. And does that count time difference? If it’s morning in India will my plane crash, or if it set off in the morning? It’s techincally morning everywhere!
But Jack’s right, it’s nothing to do with intense never-ending news coverage one bit. Plane crashes are on the rise. I mean on the fall.
I will take my coat ta, it’s got chilly all of a sudden.
You shouldn’t be so hard on Jack, he’s felt the loss of loved ones ever since his parents moved away while he was at school…
… It’d be a shame if he lost them all over again?
I blame the passengers and their generally defeatist ‘oh fuck, here comes the ground at 300mph’ attitude. This is what the permissive society gets you – a bunch of pampered, weak-ankled softies incapable of simply throwing their pillows at the ground and saying ‘No’, just like my granddad learned in the RAF.
Twats.
Graham’s just trotting out the old folk-rhyme. You know, the one that goes
I feel that the major cause of plane crashes is that they’re up in the air. Were they to remain stationary on the ground they could not crash and, thus, many lives would be saved.
In fairness to jack, he is probably referring to the morning that is surrounding the aircraft at the time of its crash. If the morning happens to be elsewhere at the time of the crash – on the other side of the world, say, or on the Moon – then it isn’t the cause.
Come on, folks, get on side here. Let’s help jack, not hinder him. Sheesh.
Shit! 9/11 happened in the morning as well! Graham could be on to something there.
Or it could be that he thinks planes usually crash in the morning because that’s when he reads about them in his morning paper..
Are you watching the Queen’s speech? TrueBlueTory is.
Whigs?!? I think this guy is still a bit pissed off about the repeal of the Corn Laws. Not to mention the South Sea Bubble.
@Bugrat
Perhaps the pilots are reading their morning papers at the time, too?
So if he’s proud to be English “again”, what has he been these last few years?
Sometimes in life you have to thank the moderators of all this bollocks for the hatefilled shit they must read. I fear much of it must be like this (read at your own peril, since it’s the vilest thing i’ve read in a long time)
http://www.al-emarati.com/2010/05/rip-plane-victims.html
A pelican’s pisspouch?
That was a reply to phil, btw. I am slow typerer.
Morning landings. Gotcha. After a night of [insert favourite sexual fetish for protesting too much about], no doubt!!1
Maybe he’s on to something, after all, I’m pretty shit in the mornings*.
*Which rarely has anything to do with nights of kinky sex, sadly.
@um. But actually, it works in reply to Mr Ed as well.
Hey, a kid did survive one of those crashes recently, right? It must be a right pain in the neck that his family were all killed.
TrueBlueTory is one of those very few people that I would feel entirely comfortable watching burn slowly to death.
It appears that children have been rather good at surviving air crashes lately.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/comorosandmayotte/5743227/The-children-who-survive-plane-crashes.html
I wonder how this fits in with jack’s theory. Are children immune to mornings? Certainly I’m a totally antisocial cunt until I’ve had a small bucket of very strong espresso when I get up, so that might count for something.
@Mr Ed – that post genuinely turned my stomach.
In the face of such arseholery I actually now feel a little bit pathetic for laughing at harmless twats like Jack . . .
(doesn’t mean I’m going to stop, by the way)
Masked Debator,
I know how you feel. I got halfway down the page and quit before I vomited.
I mentioned a Klingon proverb earlier. I know it’s from a TV show, but it does happen to be right. I sometimes feel I (or we) should be actively engaging the cunts and fucktards of the world. The ones who can spell, I mean.
I was curious about this TrueBlueTory chap, and decided I wanted to learn more…
TrueBlueTory is at least 140 years old.
@Vomit (excuse the abbreviation) – very true. Out of interest, what’s ‘fucktard’ in Klingon?
Trotsky is well known for coming down like a ton of bricks on guys using their mobiles while driving horse-drawn carriages. I recall learning that at school. And the speed bumps to slow those carriages down, wow, they really sealed his winning political career. And who can invoke the Bolsheviks and the October Revolution without mentioning the Russians’ aversity to fox hunting? Ah, history. I love it. It is, literally, a bridge between today and the past.
CUNT!!!!!
http://www.movies-dictionary.org/English-to-Klingon-Dictionary/fucktard
Ah – new favourite link. I thank you.
@Mr Ed. How did you even find that poisonous discharge? Still, at least his arse dribble was comprehensible, unlike your average HYSer.. although, is that really a good thing? I’m confused, maybe another drink will help..
i can see why trotsky ended up with a pickaxe in his ear given he brought in the smoking ban in pubs
I live in Dubai, the link found it’s way to me on http://thegulfblog.com/ which is quite interesting reading if your live in the region.
It’s worth following such things when you’re here to see what’s happening that doesn’t get covered in the local press.
The most frightening thing about this is that Gulf News, one of the main english language daily’s here recommend this cunt
Job fukcing done Abdullah, job done.
Quote: ’160 people died? more than that die EVERY DAY from simple medical issues. Where is your false and drunken out cry for them?’
This guy is like diahorrea that travels upwards.
he’s like a 12 year old boy who’s been given a gun and told that he’s in charge
I think that’s an insult to 12-year-old boys.
The Al Emarati site seems to have taken down the offensive blog now, following a rather predictable shitstorm of protest. I’ve had a couple of reads of the replacement blog though, and I’m not too sure that they’re actually apologising for their ‘joke’. They seem to be apologising for other people’s reaction to it.
http://www.al-emarati.com/2010/05/rip-plane-victims_25.html
Whatever happened to
Leon Trotsky
He got a copy of the DfT’s Manual for Streets and followed the principles and advice therein
to annoy the fuck out of putrefying porpoises punanis like TrueBlueTory
Bollocks, I prefer the original.
Both Labour and Tory politicians like to be slightly snide and call the Lib Dems “The Liberal Party” which annoys the Lib Dems very, very, slightly and causes a very, very, little confusion (because a tiny rump of the original Liberal Party still exists under that name. They are the ones who refused to merge with the SDP and are still sulking about it).
Our specimen here has simply spotted the hilarious trick of deliberately getting the name wrong and decided it would be even funnier to call the Lib Dems “Whigs”. If he is lucky, that might be anything up to twice as snide and annoying (i.e not very). Of course it isn’t. No Lib Dem is ever likely to read his arsedribble or give a fuck about being called a Whig. Its not exactly an insult.
Later,
from the late late Lech, aka the Dead Duck Brother.
From my student days in the Socialist Workers Party(despite never having done any actual work at the time) I seem to recall that when we weren’t bringing about the revolution by raising the consciousness of the proletariat (selling newspapers outside of Tescos) we sat around in pubs in pubs smoking roll-ups and talking a load of toot. I don’t recall smoking bans being on the agenda.
Still, perhaps times have changed and the SWP has adopted more achievable goals than international Socialism.
Hmm…pubs in pubs? Those were the days.
Anyone noticed that plane crashes always seem to lead to mourning as well.
Coincidence? I think not methinks
As for Truebluetory (cunt) he seems to be objecting to all the laws that stop him from indiscriminately killing other living beings.
I vote we all drive as fast as we can up the cunt’s street whilst messing around on our mobiles and when we manage to hit him extinguishing our fags on his pug ugly face.
BTW he is a cunt
and allow a fox to chomp on his bollocks
Apparently, passengers in first and business class are more likely than others to die in a plane crash (see, I’m looking on the bright side). So, if we banned toffs and executives from flying, safety would be improved.
Be fair, though – Trotsky was passionately opposed to using mobiles in cars and smoking in pubs. Pretty sure I read that in a book. Oh but wait – it was ‘TrueBlueTory’s Book of Hilarious Stoat-Flappery’.
“Apparently, passengers in first and business class are more likely than others to die in a plane crash.”
Of course. The flight crew are under orders to chuck them out as soon as it looks like something may be going amiss.
It’s an old tradition. In bygone days, these passengers carried gold bars around in their pockets, which could obviously disturb the weight balance of the plane. In modern times, it’s just that no flight attendent wants to go to their grave in several hundred tons of rapidly accelarating metal listening to someone complain that their coffee doesn’t taste as freshly ground as it did on their recent BMI flight.
TrueBlueTory is obviously wetting his no doubt inconsiderable pants that the Cabinet contains 18 millionaires in a total of 23 members.
I, however, am shitting mine.
@Oxdown Gazette: Ah, the old Jan Moir defence… Going through the motions of appearing to apologise, but doing so for the wrong thing
Er, is everyone missing the obvious…final episode of lost (which started with a plane crash) now all of a sudden a huge rise in plane crashes…think about it yeah…think about it
@Popalu
I think you might be on to something. Also, we seem to have had a huge surge in international terrorism since 24 started. Hmmmm.
Hopefully we’ll see a decline in both plane crashes and terrorism now that both series have bitten the dust.
1. Can someone who works in a hospital confirm that since House, Medical Division started, hospital admissions have got weirder and weirder and that there is now no direct relation between symptoms and disease?
2. Can someone who works for a police forensics department confirm that since CSI started, murderers are getting more creative than Damien Hirst and police forces everywhere now have enormous touch-screen computers that magically know what part of the body, or indeed what part of town, the user is talking about, and instantly whips up an animated 3D rendering of said body part being pierced by this week’s murder weapon? Also, why is it that the entire CSI team only ever handles one case at a time? Does the murderers’ guild wait until CSI have a free slot or something?