spEak You're bRanes

Credulous Nincompoops and Delusions of Grandeur27 May 2010 09:16 am

By Nelson

Thanks to thetastysoup for finding these on the subject of swanky new bacteria with synthesised DNA.

You can’t control evolution.
It only takes one of these bacteria to mate with another and you have serious and posibly extinction problems.
Not a good idea.
Hairy Dog

It’s alright, they’ve genetically engineered these ones to be homosexual bacteria-boys. They can hump each other til they’re blue in the membrane and never create anything more terrifying than that episode of Doctor Who where Bernard Cribbins kept bursting into tears and trying to tell The Doctor how much he loved him.

I love this next comment for the sheer exuberance with which Chezobarth7 throws unrelated sentences together.

Before this study continues we need to be sure that the “bacteria” doesn’t mutate like all other organisms in this world do. We all know computers have flaws. This scientist is just in way over his head and he needs to slow down. This could do more harm than good. This could be a step toward ending global warming or it could be a step towards mind control. Watch out it is 1984 all over again.
Chebozarth7

It absolutely, definitely is 1984 all over again. That’s the one where Dr Frankenstein tries to reverse climate change by making a mind-control hat and Richard Attenborough builds an amusement park full of microbes, right?

Dear Sirs,
As a physician, scientist, molecular geneticist and molecular biologist, I am deeply concerned about the implications of this endeavor. The multiple potential benefits of this experiment can instantly vanish by a single unforeseen catastrophic event.
AMMDO, MD, PhD
AndreUSP6

90 Responses to “Operating, Generating, New Life”

on 27 May 2010 at 9:29 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

I used to be worried about GM foods. I was a computer programmer and I knew that complex systems have a high tendency to go spectacularly wrong (e.g. the famous NASA probe that went swimming instead of visiting Mercury because of a missing minus sign or something). So I thought all our food was going to be turned into Marmite by some fatal GM DNA flaw.

But now I don’t give a fuck anymore, because I love Marmite.
on 27 May 2010 at 9:33 am funny peculiar

this experiment can instantly vanish by a single unforeseen catastrophic event. AndreUSP6

Another graduate of the University of Star Trek Box-Set.
on 27 May 2010 at 9:36 am Ceannair

.. pan-fried otter bollock ..

Yes! Still giggling at that one 10 minutes later!
on 27 May 2010 at 9:43 am signore

“Evolution cannot be controlled”?

Never seen a dog then.
on 27 May 2010 at 9:46 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

That’s another Handy Debating Trick(TM) that Andre has taught us, to be used alongside “I’m not racist, but…”

It is: “As a [insert authoritative thing here], I [sentence saying what I want and you can't disagree because of the authoritative thing], so you can jolly well suck my dick.”

Example 1. “As the commanding officer of Her Majesty’s Armed Forces, I vehemently condemn any move on the government’s part to scrap Trident.”
Example 2. “As a person who regularly drives in Milton Keynes, I can say that roundabouts are the leading cause of wheel-unbalancing in the last four decades.”
Example 3. “As a racist, I hate black people.”

Doesn’t that argument just fuckin’ floor you, huh? The guy’s a racist, so there’s no comeback, no hope. End of discussion.
on 27 May 2010 at 9:50 am funny peculiar

Never seen a dog then. Signore.

Do you think this new breakthrough means that in a few years time, Hollywood starlets will have color-coordinated, cutsy, little synth-bacteria tucked under their arm, while the Duke of Edinburgh will have a pack of pedigree Westphalian Hunt-Bacs.

I think I’m going to start a breeding kennel. I just need one good bitch bacteria and my fortune is guaranteed.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:12 am Ugly Newt

Doesn’t that argument just fuckin’ floor you, huh? The guy’s a
racist, so there’s no comeback, no hope. End of discussion.

And in case anyone thinks that’s a /reductio ad absurdum/*, I’ve seen that argument used in the wild. Our pal Guy White claims that “Today, a racist is simply someone who won an argument against a liberal.” He’s a racist, you’re a liberal, therefore he’s right. Simples.

* – is there a name for the technique of shoving Latin phrases into arguments to gain an air of authority? Preferably in Latin.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:26 am christonabike

As a Biologicalist, Molecular Scientologist, Physician, Artist, Musician and Raconteur I have calculated that the mutant uprising is less than a week away and sent a painting of my calculations to the Prime Ministers
on 27 May 2010 at 10:36 am Ceannair

Fuck the worst of these reared its head last week with the Andrew Wakefield thing.

Scientist with three degrees and 26 years’ experience says MMR vaccine was not the cause of autism and this was actually not physiologically possible.

Halfwit bird pops up “As a mum, I say it is and mums know best”.

KILL!!!
on 27 May 2010 at 10:36 am Bugrat

– is there a name for the technique of shoving Latin phrases into arguments to gain an air of authority? Preferably in Latin.

That would be ‘intromissio ad cuntium’ if I’m right (and if it doesn’t actually mean something rude).
on 27 May 2010 at 10:38 am Otterbollock (MA PHD ASBO)

@high speed vomit

Its called ‘appeal to misleading authority’:

http://www.fallacyfiles.org/authorit.html
on 27 May 2010 at 10:43 am Dean Cramvoid

If you’re going to claim a long list of qualifications to yourself, then obviously you have to be posting under your real name. Ergo, Andre USP6 must be his real name.

That is clearly a clone name, so he must be a clone of a brilliant but mad (and probably French) geneticist who’s cloned himself. This means Andre USP6 didn’t actually get those qualifications himself; he’s just a clone of someone who did. Quod erat demonstrandum, he is a ptarmigan’s twat.

* – is there a name for the technique of shoving Latin phrases into arguments to gain an air of authority? Preferably in Latin.

Magnus tosserius pretentius, yeah?
on 27 May 2010 at 10:46 am Goldstein

As a calligrapher and masturbator, my favourite part was Nelson’s signature.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:53 am Alex

Christ, I used “It’s 1984 all over again!” as a joke once. Now some twat’s managed it with a straight face. We can never compete.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:58 am Richard Littlejohn's Funny Otter's Bollock

I like how Hairy Dog (who, not to upset someone’s pisstake of him/her, probably has seen a dog) says this:

serious and posibly extinction problems.

On the Hairy Dog Scale of Descriptives For Bad Stuff, it goes ‘serious’ to ‘extinction’ and that’s about it. I wonder how he described the Tsunami for instance? Very, very serious perhaps. Or a failed tectonic-based extinction event.

And also that ‘extinction of the human race’ is considered a ‘problem’. Ha, this guy just gives and gives.
on 27 May 2010 at 11:23 am Andrew

Thanks Nelson, now I’ll have Depeche Fucking Mode going round in my head all day.
on 27 May 2010 at 11:24 am Rotwatcher

I wonder how much Nelson would charge to write job application letters. I can’t help but think that there are employers the length and breadth of this country (England, not Britain) who would kill their own offspring to receive a hand-crafted and apparently hand-soiled letter such as the one illustrated above. I particularly like the way he’s tried (and, largely, succeeded) in giving the missive an air of unimaginable antiquity through the well-attested process of staining with tea.

And, @Dean Cramvoid, I think you’ll find it’s ptarmigan’s ptwat
on 27 May 2010 at 11:25 am jpr

Scientist with three degrees and 26 years’ experience says MMR vaccine was not the cause of autism and this was actually not physiologically possible.

Halfwit bird pops up “As a mum, I say it is and mums know best”.

What if the scientist is also a mum with three degrees and 26 years experience (of being a scientist, not a mum)? Are they automaticallly right? or do they have to be a racist too?

Actually I think I know the person who made that ‘I’m a mum’ comment.
on 27 May 2010 at 11:30 am Charles Exford, Oxton

Nelson, you terrible cunt! My reaction to the phrase or saying “Pan-fried otter bollock” is likely to get me defenestrated in the next two minutes.
on 27 May 2010 at 11:33 am [NutterBrackets]

Computers have been doing evolution for years.
It’s causing chaos!

(If anybody else sees the incredibly piss weak joke hidden in the preceeding sentences, please raise your hand now.)
on 27 May 2010 at 11:42 am Turdlet

Why is this so-called ‘genius’ digitizing genome sequences when we clearly do not have plasma fission-powered blaster batteries yet? If we do not have such weaponry yet, how will be able to fend off his horde of genetically enhanced supermutants? I mean we do even not have thermopistols, WTF.
on 27 May 2010 at 11:51 am Theodore

Just did a check – no mention of a “Kafkaesque nightmare” in any of the HYS posts on this subject. Nobody! In fact, nobody has since May the 15th. HYS standards are rising worryingly.
on 27 May 2010 at 12:11 pm Daley Mayle

As a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker, I am fully qualified to pronounce AndreUSP6 a colossal twatbasket.

I also take my lovin’ on the run so good day to you all.
on 27 May 2010 at 12:33 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

@Goldstein
As a calligrapher and masturbator, my favourite part was Nelson’s signature.

Seriously?! I feel that the drawing of, what I understand to be called in the vernacular a “ spunky penis” somewhat detracts from the overall oeuvre of the response. Personally I would have welcome a picture of a pouch with a pertroubreness permiating from its poop-pipe.
on 27 May 2010 at 12:35 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

*welcomed… arse
**welcomed… swap to preferred (better scan)
on 27 May 2010 at 12:42 pm High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

“It’s 1984 all over again”

Well, I’d love it if we had 1984 all over again. Personally, I found it rather similar to 1983 and I also detected many similarities to 1985.

THE BOOK WAS A WORK OF FUCKING FICTION, YOU NUMB NARWHAL’S NUTS!
on 27 May 2010 at 12:53 pm Masked Debator

Anyone who has to put ‘PhD’ at the end of his spurt of arse-gravy to lend it pretend credibility should be stripped of said PhD immediately. Especially when said PhD has bollock-all to do with the subject he’s allegedly discussing. Asshole.
on 27 May 2010 at 12:53 pm Bramswune

@Alf Ramsey

I’m pretty sure its proper name is a jizzy cock.
on 27 May 2010 at 12:59 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

@Bramswune
Binary dialectics aside, I feel you may have grown up on the “wrong side of the Pennines”.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:09 pm Nelson

[...] giving the missive an air of unimaginable antiquity through the well-attested process of staining with tea.

And squeezy hotdog mustard.

Reckon my scanner is going to smell like that forever.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:16 pm Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

Ŏ
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on 27 May 2010 at 1:16 pm Southern Ponce

As a benefits recipient and occasional wikipedia reader I think that anyone that starts having their say with “dear sirs” deserves a good kicking and is possibly some kind of mammalian minge; probably an ocelot’s or something like that.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:19 pm High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

@ Sir Alf Ramsey’s Porn Dungeon

What the fuck is that? You did that on some other thread too and I have no earthly idea what the fuck it means. Please elucidate.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:25 pm Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

@High Speed Vomit – Duck My Sick!
Sorry, merely my crude attempt to realise the act of defecating into a vessel communally used for imbibing in the ASCII constrained environment of this thread.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:33 pm Birmswoone

Maybe this will help someone:

MONSTRO-#===3
on 27 May 2010 at 1:36 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

With a “,” between “imbibing” and “in”. I’m not attempting to create an ASCII constrained environment where in that activity happens. Sorry.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:41 pm High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Ah! All is now clear, he said while projectile-vomiting ASCII characters all over the place. Reminds me of an old computer programmer’s joke.

“ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.”

Here’s another:

Q. Why do programmers always confuse Christmas with Hallowe’en?
A. Because DEC 25 = OCT 31.

I already had my coat on when I started typing, thanks. Close the door after me, would you?
on 27 May 2010 at 1:42 pm Birmswoone

Why not just say you shat in a cup? Short sentences + simple words = less chance of error. With all the time you’ll save by not writing correction posts you could shit in another cup and perhaps even send us a link to a picture.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:46 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

Crude, sorry, BTW: If you let y = r cubed over 3. And if you determine the rate of change in this curve correctly, it’s a f$%king laff, right?

Yes, it’s the Parka, how did you guess?
on 27 May 2010 at 1:47 pm Birmswoone

So…pix?
on 27 May 2010 at 1:50 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

@Birmswoone
Here you go:
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2009/04/starbucks1.jpg
on 27 May 2010 at 1:52 pm Rotwatcher

And squeezy hotdog mustard.

Reckon my scanner is going to smell like that forever.

You say it was squeezy hotdog mustard, but how many of us believe you?

Oh yeah, and props for the “pan-fried otter bollock”. Very cheffy, very Gordon fucking Ramsay.
on 27 May 2010 at 1:53 pm High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Back on track, folks. I reckon AndreUP256 or whatever his name is deserves a proper scientifically-named animal fanny.

Here’s my contribution:

He’s a blue whale’s bloody barn-sized bollock-sack. (Or, as Linnaeus would say: Balaenoptera musculus sanguini colosseo saccotesticulus.)
on 27 May 2010 at 1:58 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

Bloody barnyard’s busted ball bag, IMHO (and for alteration’s sake)
on 27 May 2010 at 2:00 pm The Reverend john Adair's Gerbil

As a genuine[1] Minister and masturbator, I am deeply concerned about unforeseen catastrophic events[2] as well.

The Reverend john Adair’s Gerbil, Falcon Patrol Leader, West Church Scouts.

[1] The Universal Life Church of Modesto, California.

[2] Such as the wife walking in when I’m watching porn on the big TV.
on 27 May 2010 at 2:01 pm Sir (Prof.) Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

“ruentus barnyardâ€™s tumultus ball pera”apparently, although I swear blind my history teacher never said anything about “the latins” dealing in euros….”
on 27 May 2010 at 2:12 pm Ugly Newt

…in the ASCII constrained environment of this thread.

The characters you used for your illustration aren’t ASCII.
on 27 May 2010 at 3:06 pm non-nerd girl

Ŏ
•
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Looks like a yawn turning into a smile to me.

(here’s betting the blockquote doesn’t work)
on 27 May 2010 at 3:07 pm non-nerd girl

Ha! I should have more faith in myself.
on 27 May 2010 at 3:24 pm ad ho

An army of synth-germs escaping their test-tube to invade Chebozarth7′s head?
He’s wearing his anti-mind-control hat but it looks pretty inneffectual.
on 27 May 2010 at 4:02 pm Little Dave Hedgehog

@ad ho, it’s probably a hankie with knots in.

Speaking of ineffectual, AndreUSP6 must shit his fucking pants whenever he ‘endeavours’ to cross a road. Does MD stand for Mild Downs?
on 27 May 2010 at 4:09 pm JC Denton

Wil wrote:

The beginning of the end.

We have not even understand DNA. And we start creating artificial ones.
Imagine ebola that are airborne.

Now imagine AIDS with missiles on. What hath science wrought?
on 27 May 2010 at 4:15 pm Bugrat

Anyone who has to put ‘PhD’ at the end of his spurt of arse-gravy to lend it pretend credibility should be stripped of said PhD immediately. Especially when said PhD has bollock-all to do with the subject he’s allegedly discussing. Asshole.

Give him a break. If you’d paid your $59.95 to this place…
http://www.noveltydegree.com/
…you’d want everyone to know about it, yes?
on 27 May 2010 at 4:20 pm ad ho

Watch out it is 1984 all over again.

Not as catchy as “watch out, watch out there’s a Humphrey about”. Or even “watch out boys!” as exclaimed runningtowardsly by the cheeky-volvic man.

In short, words not so much typed as wrenched out by the rough, bloodied hands of James Herriot.
on 27 May 2010 at 4:38 pm Mim

Apologies if I’ve missed a post on this, but I’m obviously too excited to check properly.. The latest New Internationalist contains a letter from an Andrew Kadir-Buxton of Hatfield, England. It outlines a plan for preventing extinction of fish species by means of an international law “which ensures that the gonads of all fish caused are liquidized”. Artificial fertilisation, dumping the resultant goo in the sea and lo, a flawlessly repopulated ocean.

A nice man from Greenpeace explains in the reply that this would probably not work. He barely laughs at all. I am impressed.
on 27 May 2010 at 4:45 pm Kris

I was gonna come here with bundles of delicious idiocy from the various articles about Iain Cuntan Smith’s (c wot i did thar?) new policy of ‘fuck poor people’, but it genuinely is too depressing. I perked up a little at the mention of AKB, but he didn’t propose slapping anyone and I settled down again.
on 27 May 2010 at 4:52 pm Mim

Maybe the liquidisation process involves punching gonads into goo? That’d be in character.
on 27 May 2010 at 5:31 pm Guardianistani

I’ve suddenly conjured up a rather gruesome mental image of our friend Andy standing in a barrel full of fish scrota, stomping away with his big ugly feet. Completely naked. And semi-aroused.
on 27 May 2010 at 5:52 pm ad ho

A strike to the abdominal region from one of our piscine oppressors has for too long served as the benchmark for human woe.

At last someone has now had the sense to suggest payback. Now fuck off, gillchops!
on 27 May 2010 at 6:09 pm Bad Mammy

I hate the term “pan-fried”. What else would you fry an otter bollock in?
on 27 May 2010 at 6:28 pm High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Thank you, all those who commented on dear Andy. I nearly choked on my dinner! Cellphone has little gobs of quiche on it now.
on 27 May 2010 at 6:45 pm Jones

Christ, I used “It’s 1984 all over again!” as a joke once. Now some twat’s managed it with a straight face. We can never compete.

Hopefully 1984ReturnsForReal will pop up and turn it back into a joke for us.
on 27 May 2010 at 7:10 pm Chaise Guevara

Scientist with three degrees and 26 years’ experience says MMR vaccine was not the cause of autism and this was actually not physiologically possible.

Halfwit bird pops up “As a mum, I say it is and mums know best”.

Urgh. Yeah, mums know best, because being able to have sex without protection at least once is evidence of being An Expert In Everything.

I don’t remember anyone ever saying “mums know best” in the context of Baby P.
on 27 May 2010 at 7:28 pm Jagophile

Anyone know what AMMDO is meant to be? Google gives me nothing (AMMDO + qualification leads back here, in fact)
on 27 May 2010 at 7:50 pm Chaise Guevara

“Anyone know what AMMDO is meant to be?”

I’m pretty sure it’s A Massive Mouldy Donkey’s Orifice, but then I’m not educated like some.
on 27 May 2010 at 8:43 pm welsh boy

I’m well impressed that Nelson has 17 nectar points.

That’ll be 5 pence off your next shop you lucky bugger.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:06 pm [NutterBrackets]

Sorry to go off topic for a minute, but can I heartily recommend: America Speaking Out?
Officially, the site was set up:

…as part of an official effort to increase the dialogue between Americans and their Congress. Here, Americans are provided a new platform to share their priorities and ideas for a national policy agenda. As Republicans, we are committed to our principles of limited, more accountable government; economic freedom; lower taxes; fiscal responsibility; protecting life, American values, and the Constitution; and providing for strong national security. This is an open forum, however, where all Americans are welcome to respectfully offer their opinions, regardless of party affiliation and whether we endorse them or not. It is our hope the active engagement of the American people will produce a robust debate that will aid in the construction of a new American agenda.

However, it has become a kind of American blend of HYS and SYB, with a bit of Reddit thrown in, and it is fantastic! It’s a troll’s dream.

Apart from the comments and replies, some of which are terrific, the “ideas” section at the top of each page has so far offered me:

i think it’s called a rusty trombone

and:

“We need another Hurricane Katrina like event to raise the sea water up to the moon and get back out space craft.”

and:

Get out of my country . Sorry, I’m coming down with a cough. Thanks, -Squanto P.S. Thanks for the blankets
on 27 May 2010 at 10:26 pm john Adair's Gerbil

There’s a site like SYB for that sort of thing.

http://www.fstdt.com/

Fundies say the darndest things.

Awesome.

In a “fuck me, they believe this shit?” sort of way.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:30 pm john Adair's Gerbil

Some samples.

I’m not a Military General. I don’t HAVE to formulate a battle plan and a presidential policy to enact a “kill them all” method. I don’t give a shit if it CAN or CANT be done. My BELIEF STAYS THE SAME. Kill them ALL. Every last one of them. Maybe each person in America can be responsible for killing 10 muslims. When you killed your 10, go have a seat in California and wait till everyone else finishes. Once everyone is in California, we’ll look around. Any muslims left? Yep… Ok, Start round two.

I don’t give a shit HOW, just do it.

(THE RAPTURE IS ON MAY 21 2011)
People are afraid. Deep down, they know May 21, 2011 will happen. It WILL coincide with Judgment Day. They can deny it all they want. They can call us “cults”, “fools”, “crazy” – NONE of these things matter. If they are unsaved, in twelve months and a few weeks, they will be DUST. They will be BONES. ROTTING FLESH. DEAD. They speak today and what they say only confirms they are DOOMED.

On the other hand, we Camping-ites, haha…we have EVERY reason to jump for joy for we are RICH. We will eternally be the Sons of God forever and ever, doing great and amazing things in the new Earth.

As I predicted you like banging the rape drum. Yes, I know that rape is bad but you have to admit that there are a lot of worse things, like terminal disease, loss of a limb, or despair. I know it’s humiliating but when it’s over it’s over, not like cancer.

Yes, a Christian woman suffers less from rape than another woman. Are you asking me if I think rapists should go after Christian women? Well if they do they will be faced with the strength and will of the Lord and may even come to His side when they see how little their pathetic abuse can do to a woman of faith!

No you didn’t misunderstand about why rape is a sin. It makes no sense for it to be a sin for a man to rape his wife since a man can’t rape his wife. It’s just not logical, like stealing your own car or pocking your own pocket.

Maybe you got raped and enjoy harping on it. Well the whole world doesn’t revolve around you. Get over it, clear your head and come to God

There’s more. But I despair.
on 27 May 2010 at 10:55 pm ad ho

Ooh they look good. Thanks [NutterBrackets] and john Adair’s Gerbil.
on 28 May 2010 at 12:05 am gereatric george1932

As a semi-professional rape drum maker I think Andre.s a twat?
on 28 May 2010 at 12:23 am Kris

How is killing your own kids a crime? It’s just not logical. That’s like saying breaking your own TV is a crime.

All these people banging the ‘my kids are dead’ drum need to fuck off to a church and realise what selfish dickheads they are.
on 28 May 2010 at 2:44 am KJB

I find the use of “bacteria” utterly mystifying. If he doesn’t believe in them, why does he worry about the “threat” they pose? (See what I did there?). Chebzoarse also seems to think that plural = singular.

This scientist is just in way over his head and he needs to slow down.

Ahhh, nothing like an expert opinion from a mouldering magpie’s minge.

JC Denton’s comment nearly made me cry laughing.
on 28 May 2010 at 8:28 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Fuuuuuuck me!

Build a wall along our borders. Not a wimpy fence. China did it and the toursim dollars the wall brings in will more than pay for the cost.

“Honey, where will we vacation this year? Paris? Rome? Or the Great Wall of America?”

we need to employ some of those invincible black knights from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Um, the one that got his arms and legs chopped off, you mean?

Annex Canada and Mexico. Building wall across Guatemala will be easier and melting ice cap means Russians will have harder time with invasion.

Yeah, building a wall across Guatemala is a hell of a lot harder when Guatemala hasn’t been annexed. And who gives a fuck what the Canadians think, anyway? After all…

Canadians are a bigger threat to our security than we realize. Did you realize the late Peter Jennings’ Canadian, yet hosted an American news program?

You don’t say?!

They can blend in unnoticed into our society and our border with them is totally demilitarized!!! They can just sneak across and pretend to be Americans, with their stinkin’ European-wannabe socialism.

I remember A. A. Gill once wrote that the US/Canada border is the longest undefended border in the world, “although I’ve yet to hear a Canadian mention the fact.”

It makes no sense for it to be a sin for a man to rape his wife since a man can’t rape his wife. It’s just not logical, like stealing your own car or pocking your own pocket.

Yeah, and he can beat her up and pimp her out all he likes, too. Says so in the Leviticus vs. Ezekiel crossover issue that came out last month.

Well, now I’ve had my Two Minutes’ Hate (it’s 1984 all over again!) I guess I’d better get some work done.
on 28 May 2010 at 8:42 am Ceannair

I made the mistake of going to the Fundies site.

Quote# 52452

[On Pro-Homosexual Brainwashing]

(1) I knew a young man, back in High School. He went to an Ivy League college. When he came back, on breaks, he had developed particular mannerisms, and used particular figures of speech, which were homosexual in nature. (For example, the phrase “pain in the a$$” is homosexual in nature.)

(2) I worked with another man, more recently. He was a Union man, and had received a Union education, graduating a Union Journeyman apprenticeship program. He, too, frequently used figures of speech, which were homosexual in nature. (For example, he cracked a “joke” while wittingly immitating a homosexual voice style.)

CONCLUSION: Whether you get educated at an Ivy League university, or in a Union Journeyman program, the “sophisticated culture” you naturally absorb is highly homosexualized. Whites literally cannot get any higher education, without that education being “pork-barrelled” (as it were) with homosexualities — figures of speech, patterns of speech, etc.

The Gay Rights (so-called) movement has a complete choke-hold on higher education.

Oh dear God make them stop.
on 28 May 2010 at 8:43 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Oh. My. God. When I was an angry young man I came out with some pretty stupid shit, but this stuff makes me look like the Dalai Lama.

No, God’s Penis is not a biological organ. I never said God’s Penis was the same as man’s penis. Obviously it wouldn’t be. That is why I pointed out God has a Holy, Righteous Penis. That is to say, it’s not the same as man’s corrupted, fleshy one.

As I said when this subject first came up, once again: Penises are not just for sex & peeing. It is only because man is evil that he thinks of penises exclusively in those terms.

Man is made in the image of God the Father. That is the primary reason why man has a penis.

You cannot insert your evil prejudicial ideas of man’s penis onto God – which is exactly what you are doing. God’s Penis is not equal to man’s penis. It’s really not hard to understand.

Now, the guy above is just nuts and obviously has too much time on his hands. But this one is a little scary for my taste…

Yes sex at six can cause psychological damage. But thats only in rare occasions. Most girls are fine. Thats a scientific fact.

Kids: DON’T try this at home.
on 28 May 2010 at 8:50 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

Can’t resist. Can’t.

The unconscious imagery in some of these posts is incredible. That quote, again, this time with the, er, interesting bits highlighted:

As I said when this subject first came up, once again: Penises are not just for sex & peeing.

You cannot insert your evil prejudicial ideas of man’s penis onto God – which is exactly what you are doing. God’s Penis is not equal to man’s penis. It’s really not hard to understand.

It’s like there’s a remnant of sanity in the guy’s head that’s trying to sabotage what the rest of his brain is saying, telling the world: It’s okay! If he goes postal, I can stop him. But I need help!

(Not to mention what he uses his penis for besides “sex & peeing”. Any ideas?)
on 28 May 2010 at 9:07 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

…And I just realised that God’s Penis always has a capital P.
on 28 May 2010 at 9:21 am Nelson

Yeah. Mine does too.
on 28 May 2010 at 9:25 am High Speed Vomit - Duck My Sick!

One more. I’ve already got my coat on. Just one more.

I’m actually glad that I am mentally ill because I have noticed that a lot of mentally ill people are Christians.

In fairness, this does explain quite a lot.
on 28 May 2010 at 10:13 am tw@basket.com

Blimey, this American stuff is so fucked up it even gave the server a short dose of the 503s!

It is ironic, although not particularly surprising, that these would be American patriots and Christians clearly know next to nothing about American geography, history or society, or Christian theology for that matter.

Getting confused about the meaning of “in his image” and missing the whole point is ignorant but not uncommon. “Blessed are the cheese-makers” and all that. Using it as an excuse to speculate about God having a penis, and the nature of penises in general, is quite special though.

Noting that people come back from college having picked up regional slang from their fellow students shows some ability to accept input data from the real world (as opposed to getting it all from Fox News and the Bible). Interpreting it as evidence of a big gay conspiracy suggests that all input data leads to the same conclusion, making the input stage rather redundant.

Then we have the guy who thinks rape is no big deal and thinks that God agrees. I suspect that neither God nor the internet would ever hear the end of it if he was raped.

And finally, we have the ones who are still asking the question “Seeing as Iraq and Afghanistan are going so well, which countries should we invade next?” and coming up with “Our closest neighbours, best allies and trading partners” as an answer.

It makes you feel sorry for all the normal Americans and Christians who have to put up with nutjobs like this in their communities.
on 28 May 2010 at 10:34 am Mary

Jesus H Christ. American mentals are even more mental than I thought they were.
on 28 May 2010 at 11:54 am Dean Cramvoid

I hate the term “pan-fried”. What else would you fry an otter bollock in?

Deep fried otter bollocks are considered a great delicacy in the Falkirk area.
on 28 May 2010 at 2:55 pm Very Tenables

I hate the term “pan-fried”. What else would you fry an otter bollock in?
Deep fried otter bollocks are considered a great delicacy in the Falkirk area.

The Chinese use wok-fried otter-bollock as an alternative to fish balls.
on 28 May 2010 at 3:01 pm Out of the Woodwork

@ Dean Cramvoid
Oh please dont tell me someone else from Falkirk has stumbled in here and here i thought i was the only one
on 28 May 2010 at 5:48 pm Chaise Guevara

You cruel people have made me go and dig up my favourite fundie quote ever:

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

U GOT RAPED LOL!!!!11
on 29 May 2010 at 5:09 am jpr

‘Pan-Fried Otter Bollock’ is currently my wife’s favourite phrase. Thank you.

I shall be closely monitoring what I get given for my tea for the next few days, though …
on 06 Jun 2010 at 8:59 pm Linford Christie's Penis

Linford Christie
on 06 Jun 2010 at 9:00 pm DDD

Ahem
on 09 Jun 2010 at 5:05 pm Have Your Lurk

WTF?

"If you love Iran so much..
why don't you go live there?"

90 Responses to “Operating, Generating, New Life”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Iran so much.. why don't you go live there?"

90 Responses to “Operating, Generating, New Life”

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"If you love Iran so much..
why don't you go live there?"