Ever wondered if you’re a bastard? Ever wondered if, when you leave the room, people call you a twat behind your back?
Well, fate has now designed a simple test – the asylum seekers freezing to death in a truck test.
Remember, your responses will be weighted against those of normal, reasonable people with at least three picograms of compassion.
Should have requested asylum in France.
M x
Oooh. So close, but sorry, M x, you failed. I gave you bonus points for not actually saying it’s their own fault, but I’m afraid that you lost them all again because you’re shit.
So, the “migrants, thought to be Afghans” can speak ‘broken English’, competently use a mobile ‘phone and tell a heart-rending story about a child losing consciousness.
But, they don’t realise that a refrigerated truck gets cold. How strange.
No doubt “their lives will ALL be in danger” if deported. How unusual.
Bob Smyth
Damn right. In this massive, complicated web of deception they constructed in order to get into England and steal your wheelie-bin, they were smart enough to pull this ‘nearly freezing to death’ stunt in France where the funeral costs are actually 8% lower. They’re crafty little shits and no mistake.
They are not immigrants they are economical migrants and should be called such if they where true asylum seekers then by law they should have claimed asylum in the first county they came too.
But wait the Uk is no where near there, it must be for the benefits the sooner we crack down and stop benefits to foreigners the better.
Where is the nasty Tory party Labour keeps going on about, will some one not rid us of this culture of giving everything away to foreigners and treating English people like scum?
Top Cat
They certainly are economical migrants. You can’t get travel much cheaper than locking yourself in the back of a freezer truck, can you?
By the way, you all failed the test. Your punishment is to be locked in the back of a refrigerated lorry and driven to a country where you barely speak the language or understand the culture. England, for example.
88 Responses to “The Twat Test”
Fuck. Top Cat and Bob Smyth have just ruined my day.
Top Cat, his close friends get to call him Total Cunt!
Top Cat – news for you – you are treated like scum because you ARE scum. Got it?
Where did the guy get the phone from? I really hope it is a hoax, because if it isn’t it’s making me feel sad…
Why can’t the ideological BBC get its terminology right for once?
It’d be funny if Bob worked on a front desk at a GP surgery. “I suppose YOU’RE sick as well!! How come EVERYONE who turns up here wants some kind of treatment?”
Reading this crap, and especially after sampling the Fundies website showcased on the last thread, I would like to express my gratitude to the governments of the Western world for putting a system in place that maintains a kind of normality. And for giving me a decent education that allows me to see RIGHT FUCKING THROUGH these cunts. It’s not often said, but – hey, government: Thanks. This is what I pay my taxes for.
LOL, it’s funny ‘cos they’re foreign!
I’ll just leave this here.
I did a bit of googling round this story and it seems the poor fuckers managed to get out of the truck. Now they’re just trapped and homeless in Calais.
That last one made me feel a little sick. What a bunch of billious babboon’s bungholes. In fact, no need for that, I’ll just call them cunts instead. cunts.
Well obviously not Nelson’s post, the one before it
That story is dated May 20th. Anyone seen a follow up?
Ah, just found this:
http://www.emigrate.co.uk/news/1195342.html
“The illegal emigrants finally managed to break out of the truck after several hours in temperatures as low as -25ºC.”
That’s going to piss off a few racists
@Jones
Any excuse to link to this:
Thank god they are ok. I felt sick thinking about that kid. The comments left by syphilitic sheep schlongs didn’t help. I hope Tone R gets his balls trapped in the door of his fridge.
@brown town
Preferably after replacing the gasket seal with a double row of rusty razor blades.
The milk of human kindness seems sour today.
Thank god they’re OK.
Yep. Anyone who can’t quote in detail the laws of a country they’ve never set foot in must be secretly rolling in it.
There are various theories on what marks us out as being different from animals. I think the fact that we can choose is our defining feature.
I am as xenophobic as the next white male who was brought up in an all-white community (in an all-white country, come to that) and who reads the papers, watches the news and who, as a result, then feels nervous whenever he sees* someone in public wearing a burka. (When I say “he” here, I mean me, by the way, just in case it’s not clear.) And then I make a conscious choice to simply get on with my life and let them get on with theirs.
I am willing to bet my Penis (capital P, see previous thread) that the vast majority of racist cunts posting to HYS have never actually been outside the all-white areas where they grew up.
*Holy Jesus, am I glad I proofed this before posting. My first draft said “feels” here. Analyse that.
@Vomit
What “all-white country” is that? Are there any left? Perhaps we could deport all the Racists there and then the rest of us could just get on with life.
As an aside, I find the phrase “go back to where you came from” a typically ignorant turn of phrase. As western Europeans with a history of genocide against indigenous populations, and then the subsequent colonisation of virtually every continent on the planet, we’re the last people to be telling anyone to “go home”!
The all-white country is Ireland. When I grew up in it, it was literally all-white. Now it isn’t. Good.
(Still never going back to the fucking shithole, though.)
These amateurs should stand aside and let the professionals show them how it’s done. Richard Littlejohn in today’s Daily I-Wouldn’t-Wipe-My-Arse-On-It is complaining how the women recently murdered in Bradford are being described as ‘women who worked as prostitutes’ rather than ‘fucking whore bitches who got what was coming to them.’ He has got form on this, previously making the same complaint that the victims of Steve Wright (no, the other one) weren’t described as ‘two-bit painted prozzie sluts who I’d have gladly swung for myself.’
As Stewart Lee pointed out, Richard Littlejohn should be described not as ‘a man who works as a cunt’ but just ‘Richard Litlejohn: cunt.’
You mean Richard Littlejohnthomas?
I’ve been glad to hear the BBC describing the victims as “women who worked as prostitutes”. And the knowledge it pisses tossers off every half hour is the six-inch-thick icing on the fairly small cake.
If I ever were to emigrate, because I liked it so much I wanted to live there, one of the reasons for doing so would be Richard Littlejohn.
littlejohnson probably has a whole cellar / freezer full of dead women-who-worked-as-sex-professionals-for-societal-reasons.
Which is of course why he is sticking up for honest hard working white working-class English (Not British) serial killers such as his soon to be pen pal, the crossbow cannibal. If I’m right.
Allegedly, and shit.
Hypothetically speaking, if I decided to “sort out” Littlejohn, Clarkson, Quentin Letts, Garry Bushell, Peter Hitchens, and a few other choice opinionists, would they be referred to as “twat columnists” or “men who worked as twat columnists”? I can’t make a guess, but I feel it might be a subject worthy of investigation.
Loumo, I think you should run with this investigation. I’m not a racist, but we can provide an alibi by saying you were posting on here at the time.
Not sure ‘twat’ is precisely the right word for these people. Personally I’d go with ‘psychopathic.’
I know it’s off topic, but that Fundies Say the Darndest Things website is truly jaw-dropping:
The poster is clearly as ugly as fuck and has never gotten laid in his life. Even prostitutes turn him down. Deaf-mute prostitutes with no sense of smell, too.
Mind you, the women are nearly as bad:
Neither can I.
Now here’s a tricky one. Is this person for or against the state of Israel?
So. People who lived before Christ was born call themselves Christians. And Jesus wasn’t Jewish, despite being King of the… erm…
OK, I may have to add them to The List. This could take quite some time. I may need help with this one, my travel budget is quite limited and I think they might be quite far-flung. In fact most of them seem to be on their own planets.
I’ll gloss over the tart’s limited grasp of tautology and anatomy (“Never fully trust any man with a penis”) and dwell on this:
“A penis is a fucking weapon.”
Watch out, folks! I’ve got a penis and I’m locked and loaded! Come out with your hands where I can see ‘em! No funny business. You wouldn’t want my penis to go off prematurely, now would you?
Awww, come on, lady! Give ‘em some cock!
In all seriousness, I think that woman has serious mental health problems and it’s probably not cool to mock her. Someone should probably get her into therapy and get relatives to look after her kids until such a time as the doctors see fit.
The rest of them are just camel’s cancerous cunts though. I’m sort of glad that SYB focuses mainly on good, proper English (NOT BRITI – yeh you get the point) stupidity, because this American stupidity just goes a bit too far.
No-one can do stupid like the Yanks.
I don’t think she’s mental, by the way. Probably her husband beat her or something and this is her (extreme) reaction, projecting onto all men the sin of one. That’s bad, but it doesn’t count as a mental illness.
In relation to the “Pre-Christ Christian” thing, I spoke to someone the other day who defended their Orange Order anti-Catholic sentiments by pointing out Jesus had a problem with the Catholics.
Well, he would have, wouldn’t he? It must have been a bit weird to go into lots of buildings full of statues and paintings of you, suffering and dead.
Maybe they put up a spoiler warning curtain when they saw him coming.
Alright, not mental illness but certainly serious problems. What I’m saying is that her cutting off her children’s wangs doesn’t seem entirely unlikely, and she should be kept away from sharp objects.
I’ve had a brief look at the fundies website and I won’t stay long because it’s like drowning in dog shit, but here’s a couple of choice posts.
You heard it here first. All atheist married couples are actually just friends with benefits.
A joke one, surely. Surely.
I…can’t…take it…too much…go on without me!
…while Christian marriages fail more often because God himself decides they’ve not complied with his requirements, and can personally enact the divorce.
Old Arab proverb:
“Does God’s light guide us or blind us?”
And then cunts say the Arabs have done nothing for modern civilisation…
Fruits, apparently.
Which fruits are most Christian then? I’m guessing not bananas. Apples maybe? Other than Cox’s Orange Pippin, that sounds rude.
Sorry, I think I may need a nice lie down. It’s been a long week.
@Throbbe
<snork>
Why aren’t there any fundamental Buddhists?
@HSVDMS: There are. They get really pissy if you clap two-handed.
@HSV-DMS
Interesting. I suppose it depends where and how you draw the lines, but I’d class her worldview as distant enough from the mainstream so as to be a mental illness.
How would you define a mental illness? I’m sure there are widely accepted definitions, but I haven’t taken the time to actually look it up.
@HSVDMS
Although they’re not fundies perse, Sri Lanka is dominated by Buddhism and they’ve been acting like cunts, commiting atrocities such as mass executions against the Tamils. (Helped along by their arms suppliers which include the UK). I think Nationalism, adopted as a reaction against colonialism, is the poisonous ingredient here, but religion happens to provide one of the dividing lines. It’s sad because in many other respects they seem progressive.
<blockquote< am as xenophobic as the next white male who was brought up in an all-white community (in an all-white country, come to that) and who reads the papers, watches the news and who, as a result, then feels nervous whenever he sees* someone in public wearing a burka. (When I say “he” here, I mean me, by the way, just in case it’s not clear.) And then I make a conscious choice to simply get on with my life and let them get on with theirs.
Refreshing, this. I think that people who don’t have some kind of racism built in at the genetic level are pretty rare. Xenophobia is the default condition, and it’s mainly through education and experience that we learn to ignore it.
Which, by the way, explains why the average HYSer is illiterate and probably lives in Kent.
This SYBer, on the other hand, is blockquote-illiterate. Balls to it. First paragraph was HSV-DMS’s, the rest is me.
What the parrot’s purulent perineum is Gay Bowel Syndrome? Actually crapping rainbows?
Holy fuck.
I can’t believe Littlejohn has done it again….I figured somehow Mal has slipped into a timewarp but no, Littlejohn has once again proved he is a massive cunt. I’m glad I was surgically removed a long time ago.
Off topic but the Worksop Guardian have a follow-up to their England flag story.
@Kris:
Seriously, she sounds like a rape victim: and, given the context, she may have been a child at the time.
I get my fruits from the local corner shop, run by a Muslim family. You can tell a Muslim by their opening hours and their extensive selection of biscuits.
It would be fun to tell this idiot that Jesus and Moses are both in the Koran and that they are both counted as Islamic prophets. I am not suggesting for a moment that this might cause said idiot to understand the intimate connection between the three main Abrahamic religions. I am just hoping that it might provoke an aneurysm, preferably fatal.
I once had an argument that ended like this:
Me: Jesus was Jewish.
Him: No he wasn’t. He was English.
This might sound as depressing as some of the above American idiocy but bear in mind that we were both 11 at the time and our teacher (a Christian) intervened to explain to the class that Jesus was indeed Jewish so score at least one point for the English education system!
Wow, reading Top Cat’s comment was about as much fun as spelunking in the ileum of an elephant with constipation. Top marks for a singular failure of human compassion, too!
Note the spelling of ‘favour’..
Could be a piss-take (OK, I try to look on the bright side cuz the alternative too often resembles the dusk of enlightenment & shit).
Someone asked about mental illness. (I’m using my cellphone, scrolling up is a bitch, so please be OK with the name Someone. Thanks.) I would define mental illness as a mental condition that impedes the sufferer from living a normal life, and/or that markedly alters the way the sufferer sees the world.
I think that the lady in question has had a horrible experience at the hands of a man at some time in her past, and has over-reacted by deciding not to trust any man ever again. (Except eunuchs, implicitly.) Since the trauma of aggravated assault, rape etc. can lead a person to become a recluse, afraid of venturing out beyond their front door etc., then I suppose, yes, this would count as a mental illness, if it incapacitates the person.
Not sure I think this lady is mentally ill. But she could be. We only have this post to go on, remember. We are being armchair psychiatrists here. So, heck, I’ll elect to stop hammering on the poor woman’s case, although something tells me she’s well used to fending off mocking humour by now.
Someone else (cellphone, sorry) wondered if the anti-feminist guy is a pisstake based on “favour”. WELL SPOTTED, Dr. House. Looking back, a further clue:
(Yeah, I can’t be arsed to look for people’s names but I’ll scroll up to select an extract. Sorry, again.)
Anyway. That sounds like wishful thinking to me. In a world where women can’t say no to ANY request from a man… I tell ya, Sandra Bullock would be in my front room playing Scrabble with me and the missus faster than the eye can safely blink.
Or, in other words, yes, I think it’s a pisstake.
c.f. Kinky Friedman – They Ain’t Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore
Have Your Lurk has a missus?
As a married, female atheist, I’d describe a penis as a fucking delight…
Oh, and if that woman doesn’t have mental health issues, she’s doing massive damage to her sons’ mental health and should seek help.
It’s amazing that the woman in question has allowed a man to use their ‘weapon’ to impregnate her 3 times…or do we think she used artifical methods?
@t’otherone
Why are you calling me Have Your Lurk, I ask, rather nervously?
We must tell these people the internet is already full up with witless reactionary drivel and they should fuck off back where they came from
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/05/who_will_win_eurovision.html
Real time bollocks on the Eurovision!
Here’s a gem from scorpio33:
” Song contest? Just what have we got to sing about?
Read my other comment on the oil spill”
Seriously, WHO the fuck would thing that in this CURRENT climate some STUPID song CONTEST is MORE IMPORTANT than scorpio’s OPINION on the oil spill?!
@Crotchet
Well he says its about the oil spill..
Meanwhile, Alastair Campbell appears on Question Time, but scorpio still has thoughts about Life on Earth.
The currant speaker of the house is unfortunately raisin hell at the moment.
Have I joined the thread too late to say that when I read Mx’s ‘should have requested asylum in France’ comment, the little voice in my head says it in the style of a ‘should have gone to Specsavers’ ad?
They should stop teaching spelling in schools. Sultana avail, after all.
If I’m right. (I’ve been prune wrong before.)
Relax, I’m a dried apricot.
shitshitshitshitshitshit on blockquotes. Should have gone to…
fuck it — where’s that bloody coat.
Some great comments here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1282573/In-bath-thinking—Minister-warned-1am-tweets.html
This one in particular made me chuckle:
“Might be a goood idea if ALL MPs were banned from Twitter, Facebook and any other of these odd sites.
- Margaret, Suffolk, 30/5/2010 10:46″
I think this would definitely qualify as an ‘odd’ site.
From the Fail’s tweeting MP shitstream:
He can talk, he’s a fucking lion.
Anyway, this should put an end to all the Serious above about what constitutes a mental illness. Inadvisable Twitter posts = mentally unstable. FACT.
I think the key to Twitter is in the first four letters.
Don’t ban MPs from Twitter: the more opportunities they have to reveal their pisspoor judgment, the better. They should be required to tweet at least ten times a day, and post at least one Youtube video a week.
Where’s everybody gone?
Traffic here is always highest on working days during working hours. It seems that people here are more willing to invest their employer’s time than their own here, which is perfectly reasonable. I am currently unemployed and so its just you, me and the bank holiday.
Hmph. My bank holiday isn’t a.
Bloody UK residents, swanning off on bank holidays when they should be slagging off racist cunts…
I have spent the day arresting people for slaying dragons
I met some nice young Muslim proselytizers on the train once who earnestly assured me that “we believe in Jesus too”.
I smiled and nodded. If they weren’t going to be honest about their theology, I wasn’t going to be honest about my atheism.
1. Lives outside Uk
2. Speaks Klingon
3. Obsession with Sandra Bullock
4. Always on-line
Conclusion: Have Your Lurk
or his evil twin.
There was a little sunshine, and the temperature crept into double digits. As a result there was an impromptu mardigras-type rave-up, with many layers of clothing shed.
Looks like rain now…but the hawthorn is blooming finally.
I am impressed. Well, it’s a fair cop, guv, but SYB’s to blame. I am, indeed, Have Your Lurk (With A Variety Of Sobriquets In Brackets).
*proffers hands in a “take-me-away, officer” type gesture*
That made me think of Soubrettes In Brackets, and subsequently some sort of theatrical BDSM revue.
My mind does wander…
Well done, sweet child o’ mine. Well done…
That sexist retard whom was quoted earlier on probably should keep her legs together and exercise more. that way she will actually keep her man. for at least a week. Kudos to those afghans for keeping a cool head in a crisis, i’m sure they will enjoy chilling out in calais.
The best description I’ve ever heard in relation to Richard Littlejohn is “Melanie Phillips with tits…”
That Mx is my mum. Oh dear.