Thanks to Heidi and a few other peeps who squirted this one up my tube. Not sure what the subject was. Something along the lines of “The internet gives a fuck. Honest. Send advice please”.
the question should be save not spend.
I agree that the NHS should be “protected” I do not believe that government, or anybody should not allow the NHS to defend their place in the market place.
I have visited several hospitals all over, and I park myself in a strategic place for 5 minutes and write the activities going on around me. Excluding cleaning staff, in the best case 41 staff, Doctors, Nurses, Admin etc. walked past. Doing nothing but walking up and down corridors, the worst case there were 76 people of similar stature, just walking several with clip boards, doing absolutely nothing. The average of all the Hospitals together is 52.3 persons per 5 minute spell (any time but mainly daytime) that equates to 5020.8 people doing nothing in an 8 hour period. Forgive me if I seem a little too simplistic but even if you half the number 2510.4 is much to many. Take into consideration that “anything can be moved from one place to another as many times as you like and you will not add a penny value to it. surely the largest single saving can be made in hospital efficiency just pouring tax payers £ in will do nothing to improve the situation, in fact all it is paralleled to is government spending on Quangos.
weallmustvote
The latest results (from people with white coats n everything) will only add to your concerns. Lord Professor Baron Robertstache Winistroni sat in a lift for an hour and concluded that doctors and nurses spend the entire day just going up and down… up and down… up and down. Seriously. As soon as one of the fuckers got out at the top, another one would get straight back in and go all the way down again! I mean. What the actual fuck are they playing at? Even more worryingly, a squad of crack boffins (from the Smethwick Rolfe Street branch of Greggs) spent all day sat in the bog and concluded that around 15% of NHS staff are doing a poo! And the other 85% are pissing like horses! I’m going to keep a close eye on my doctor next time I see him, that’s for sure. You can keep your poo-hands where I can see them, Mr Shitty.
Anyway. Thanks for your contribution to this very important science result. This is how progress is made. Sometimes, it takes a true visionary to ask questions so obvious that nobody else bothered. Questions like “What happens in corridors?” and “Has anybody on the bus seen my shoe?”.
67 Responses to “2510.4 Is Much Too Many”
Cut their legs off, that’ll stop the bastards wasting taxpayers’ money walking.
@Mal
It’s bleeding hearts like you that have gotten us in this mess! Cut off ALL their limbs, then chain them to their operating tables. That’ll learn the workshy layabouts.
But then I suppose that would infringe their “human rights”.
I know we’ve already seen this one from weallmustvote as a drive-by offering in another thread, but Nelson’s take on it made me roffle..
I work in the NHS and I spend half my time walking up and down corridors, pissing into the wind, and defecating at will – tis a right old wheeze
It sounds like they’re already cutting bits off their legs if they’re all of similatr stature. They’re aiming for the lowest common denominator
That’s enough of those Americanised words!
I bet Will is not too pleased about that.
I tried keeping an bar on my doctor, but a copper came along and said “let’s be avenue”.
I didn’t bring one, but my umbrella’s there somewhere.
If those bastards gave a shit about patient care they would learn to teleport.
weallmustvote is an idiot. Probably 50% of the “doctors, nurses and somesuch etc” he saw were just incognito inspectors like him, assigned to walking around detail instead of sitting on their arse detail.
Who adds more to society: a doctor walking from seeing one ill patient to another to try and make them well again, or some bastard standing there counting them? Does he expect doctors to treat patients in the coridor just so he can check they’re doing something useful?
It’s playtime over at HYS this morning, where the current topic is “Does Health and Safety need reviewing”
= I’ve watched all Ray Mears’ programmes, twice.
Well, that and the fact they have CRB checks these days.
No.
Surely Elfin Saftee approves of giving young impressionable minds veg-only food cos that’s what lesbians and brown people eat and so it helps to erode British children’s accumulation of our imperialist male-dominated food culture.
I was going to suggest equipping doctors and nurses with Segways, so that those who need to move from one place to another can do so in a more sciencey and efficient way. But those are American, so I suppose we should get Clive Sinclair to come up with an English (not British) alternative. This could create a lot of jobs in the ailing lawnmower and shopping-trolley industries.
Contrast “a few years ago at a school I taught in…” with “I never offered my services to a school again”. So he jacked in his entire career as a teacher over this single extra-curricular issue?
I spy made-up-bullshit-story-that-only-happened-in-his-imagination!
What, the “teacher” bit is nonsense to you, but the “SAS-trained survival instructor” bit seems Ok?
[blockquotes] I agreed to run a session on survival cooking skills at a residential camp for a class of 15 year olds. [/blockquotes]
This never ever happened. Cunt.
Arses!
[blockquote]What, the “teacher” bit is nonsense to you, but the “SAS-trained survival instructor” bit seems Ok? [/blockquote]
I chose the first and last lines to deduce the whole thing was nonsense – it didn’t require any exploration of the internal lunacy.
If you multiply it by 120, then 602,496 is far, far too many. Thankfully though, if you instead divide it by 132.1 then 38.00757 is about right, and you can improve things further by dividing by 5000, giving you just over 1. I have to say, that’s possibly too little.
Well, you know what they say. There’s lies, damned lies, and numbers I made up myself.
Actually, the only leaves I can imagine him easily finding in British woodland large enough to eat food off would be foxglove leaves: not a wise choice.
Still a teacher, it seems.
6th February:
19th January:
And still a bullshitter.
I suspect having “dirt” smeared on his forehead wasn’t just for Lent.
I wish I had a teacher called Elfin Saftee. I’d laugh at her, because it sounds like a pixie that enjoys being shafted. On the other hand, it sounds fuck all like Health and Safety, so she wouldn’t have had that to be worried about.
Is it possible that weallmustvote stumbled upon a school training extras for Holby City and Casualty?
Well, I think you’re a total ponce, cos MY SAS survival training would have automatically kicked in the moment she questioned my authority and I would have had her gutted and spatch-cocked over a merry wood-fire within seconds.
So I suspect he meant to type TA survival training, or maybe CUBS, but he slipped and typed SAS instead.
@ Dean Cramvoid
Another of TheKingsOldClothes witterings describes his ‘survival training’ further:
Humm, more bollocks. (Roasted).
In between training with the SAS presumably.
But I think this story, on the 6th of his 9 pages comments, is possibly the real reason the ‘camp’ had to stop:
Oh dear, I am rather a twat.
I watched a so called “consultant” walking around a ward once, carrying a clipboard and everything, and stopping at each bed to “talk” to the patients. That’s right, just walking about, and talking to people. These people earn aa furtune! And for what? Just walking about and talking to people, with a clipboard. Something should be done.
…but I’m not going to be more specific, in case I cock up and say the other one next time I’m lying about my credentials.
Suppose you gave your daughter’s friends “a lift” to Brownies and someone complained about you.
Pedo. No wonder he’s complaining about H&S since the law now forbids him from being near kids after the infamous “Open Fly” incident, where he attempted to smear his turgid cock onto the faces of some young lasses. FACT!
The Health & Safety thread is a real treat. The very words act as a kind of irresistible dog whistle for nutters.
The disturbing thing is that Cameron appears to believe all this H&S shit. Here’s some advice Dave: Richard Littljohn can and does make it up.
To the extent that the HSE has a `myth of the month’ section on its website.
I was in a hospital last year.
In less than 18 hours, over 50 people did various things to me that wouldn’t be out of place in “South Park.”
I mean, how is that efficient? Call themselves professionals, they couldn’t stop the bleeding out of both ends for ages. Just stuck the blood in one arm and out it gushed in to my stomach[1].
9 units of blood – what a waste – they could have just stuck a cork in the hole and be done with it.
But no, with there airy-fairy notions that years of training is any better than the “I-Spy Book of Stomach Ulcers”.
[1] Daily aspirin – just say no.
TheKingsNewClothes seems to be an intolerant liberal. It’s all a bit odd.
and this delightful summing up of his brain:
His highest recommended comment appears to be about Eastenders.
That’s nearly right: actually for every nurse there are two admin staff, one health and safety officer, and one time and motion volunteer monitoring staff movement and clipboard carrying capacity.
He’s a rum ‘un, isn’t he? His posts started with a few sensible (i.e. I agree with them) comments about religion and the Mail, and then it’s suddenly onto this sort of thing:
Yeah, those scare stories are way over the top. All we need to do is lock every adult in an iron maiden on an island somewhere, allowing them online for an hour a week to set which sites are acceptable for their children, who can then learn about the wonders of the world through Sparknotes. And ONLY Sparknotes.
I have a sneaking suspicion that his “child logins” that “should have been done long ago” do in fact exist, as well.
This is my favourite by far. Here is a man who bought Sky and discovered to his dismay that the only new feature was hundreds of new channels.
weallmustvote is pretty scary. I think he’s been watching “I’m alright Jack” on repeat whilst on mushrooms and acid and taken it into what counts as his head to do some time and motion studies and thus save the world.
He should get together with that other fulminant dickhead who worked out in two sentences, not only how to get rid of the national debt, but also how to make himself a couple of million at the same time. They can felch each other into ecstasy.
Can’t we just export these tossers to America?
To be fair, the more common name is “doctor”.
‘Gastric Emergencies For Dummies’ is surely the authoritative text? I’m sure saw that one in my doc’s surgery on the shelf next to ‘The Smart Boy’s Book Of Piles’.
Carefully bisect “sure saw”, insert “I”. Remove clamp and stitch.
Back to the SAS training, I suspect he too browsed the SAS Survival Handbook. Don’t remember too much about eating off of leaves but it is just as well he didn’t suggest all the boys “gloved up” to fend off the fearsome Amazonian Jap’s Eye Fish; in my teenage years the fear of a stickleback up the piss pipe did more for Durex sales than the Don’t Die Of Ignorance campaign
Big shout out for Smethwick Rolfe Street!
That is all.
Sorry, I’ve just noticed that I hadn’t made one of my moronic posts in a while. Here’s one to redress the balance. Can’t think what came over me.
Reading back through past entries and comments in this blog, I find that people who post on HYS overwhelmingly:
- Are male
- Masturbate regularly (not necessarily while thinking of humans)
- Live with their mothers
- Are unemployed
- Are in their mid-thirties,
- Etc., etc.
Is this the best we can do? This is childish behaviour on our part. Instead of subjecting these HYS posts to reasoned, critical deconstruction, we are descending to mere name-calling. Kids in the playground could do better. Really, are we any better than the HYS posters themselves, when all we can do is shout “WANKER! ANIMAL FANNY!” in retort to their shouted “ELF N SAFETY! ZANULIARBORE! YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP!” ?
We have become what we have beheld, and I think we can do better.
Sorry, have to go now, my mum’s calling me for dinner. If I don’t go right away she’ll think I’m looking at pictures of naked girls again.
I find it odd that he says 4, rather than 3, given how much twats traditionally hate Channel 4 (and for all the wrong reasons). Mind you, he doesn’t say which 4 channels. Maybe he wants. Maybe it is ITV3, The Fishing Channel, Babestation and the Tedious List Channel.
I wonder if there are any other things he would like to set a new or reduced upper limit on in order to take away the choices that make his life so confusing:
* Number of books?
* Number of websites?
* Number of political parties?
I also enjoyed:
I wonder what he thinks those things called Jobcentre Plus are?
Mind you, that gives me an idea. If he is so easily confused by a simple change of name then it would be relatively easy to appease him on his other demands without actually doing anything substantive. The Church of England could be renamed the “Super-Secular Sunday Club”. Chinese goods could be restamped “Made in Cathay”. House prices could be redenominated in guineas so it sounds like they are 5% cheaper.
Actually, sod all that. Lets just rename the whole country and then deport him. He will probably never work out what happened.
It’s yin & yang.
Or SYB is Sancho Panza to HYS’s Don Quixote…or Lister to HYS’s Rimmer if you prefer the more demotic analogy (oh gawd…)
The key, Man-Bitch, is not to speak but to listen.
SYB is a place of quiet reflection where you can put aside your own commentary and really focus, zen-like, on the shit that other people have written. Accept that you can’t change HYS; that it is a place so depraved that your reasoned arguments fall apart without explanation. Learn to let go, and be in awe.
In other words, Man-Bitch, you have visited SYB posts all over, parked yourself in strategic places for 5 minutes and read the activities going on around you, only to discover that 52.3 persons per SYB blog are unemployed avid masturbators. That equates to 5000 people masturbating frantically in to old socks per 8 hour period.
I doff my hat to you sir.
Goldstein is right by the way.
Oops fuck I mean HYS posts/blog…Freudian slip obviously
Indeed, I appreciate your viewpoints. And indeed, I do not deny the rewarding frisson or thrill when a new alliterative animal fanny is discovered.
YES MUM! I’M COMING NOW!
See previous thread for advice regarding ever having a view on anything.
This is so lame, unless Doctors and nurses keep all medical supllies, all necessary staff, all patients and every computer and drug they owned in one room, they’re gonna have to walk around a bit aren’t they? Unless you can figure out a way to get from the waiting room, to the surgery room without using a corridor then maybe i’ll listen to your point. Hospitals are understaffed as it is, they’re stretched over many rooms and have lot’s to do – hence they move from room to room a lot. They’re not gonna work ona patients bad leg in teh corridor just so you can see that there doing work. You’re ‘study’ has some major flaws in it.
@man bitch
surely shouting “Yes mum! I’m coming now!” will just confirm her suspicions about you looking at naked ladies?
@ Jonny Dade
Since you’re post is either passable satire or dumb-as-fuck idiocy, I’m hoping it’s the latter.
See what I did their?
Richard, i’ll be honest, the comment i left was totally irrelevant, and quite lame really. I only read the bit in the box, i thought some doofus had gone to a hospital and counted people walking around corridors, and posted his ‘hypothesis’ on this site. Upon reading the page properly and fully, i realise it was just a qoute, and that the person who wrote it originally probably isn’t here to read my comment. erm, well tbh i feel a bit daft now, forgive me, for being the fool there, whoops…
Put it down as passable satire if you would.
Young man, I didn’t spend 6 years of my life studying proctology so you could call me “Mr” Shitty.
If you were a consultant surgeon you’d take pride in having been elevated to Mr Shitty.
On the other hand, if you were one of the two trainee nurses standing at the bottom of the bed when they stuck the tube down my throat, you’d be demoted to Nurse Shitty.
Don’t know what they NHS is coming to, nurses having showers when they’re on shift.
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