Should the drink-drive limit be cut?
Absolutely. Anyone who drives should give up drinking, after all its ok to tell smokers to give up so no problem there. Oh no, wait, what’s that I hear? The roar of double standards approaching……..
Richard
I’ve got a mental image of a noisy lion called “Double Standards”. He’s well known for his roaring. He lives in a zoo with “Political Correctness” the zebra, a termite colony known as “The Silent Majority” and a lonely, overfed walrus called “Indigenous Cock Haemorrhage”.
UK has already the lowest drink driving ofences in Europe even though the limit is higher than all the other countries. However because in the other countries the limit is lower it just catches more people and they actually have a higher number of offences.
Can I smell revenue generator?
Infowars
“Revenue Generator” the stinky giraffe? Nah mate. That’s “Double Standards” you can smell. He’s approaching.
34 Responses to “Roaring And Stinking”
My first thought was of Double Standards as a sort of double-decker drag racer, powered by a Revenue Generator.
That just made me choke on my Panini; how very middle class.
I think Elf ‘n Safety would be an alpaca, and Yuman Rites an armadillo with a spacky leg.
This sounds like a sitcom outline for BBC3.
And smartarse Richard has such a tenuous grip on the notion of double standards, I think he should fuck off
Assuming this is a Fingerbobs-type setup, Infowars actually can smell revenue generator, because he had the very long-necked finger puppet jammed up his arse for the last ten minutes.
Actually, it’s the contents of a panini that determines it’s class.
Goats cheese with spinach, sun-dried tomatoes and pesto: Middle Class
Spam with butter, baked beans and a giro: Not Middle Class
@Nelson “Indigenous Cock Haemorrhage” – classic
@Man-Bitch “double-decker drag racer, powered by a Revenue Generator” – A chocolate bar in a dress somehow fuelled by a speed camera?
Can there be a chronically flatulent hippo called “1984returnsforreal”?
It was chicken, mozerella and pesto and it was in a microwavable bag (the pesto was in a sachet)…
O.K. so I’m aspiring.
“Double Standard”, also known as the “Inverse Burmese Half-Pipe”, is an activity so filthy it would only be considered by the Hun.
“Revenue Generator” is only legal in Chad and has been declared as a war-crime by the Hague International Convention.
That’ll teach you to try and eat more than one at once.
[/insufferable pedant]
Bad sandwich:
Panini, with loster thermidor filling and marmite.
@Dennis Bloodnok
That was laugh-out-loud funny.
Bad sandwich – toasted Indigenous Cock Haemorrhage on rye.
Double standards? Actually, I’ll just have a single, I’m driving.
It’s the car-coat, thanks.
What a lion’s leprotic labia. Does Richard really think that no-one ever tells drinkers to lay off the booze, or fatties to cut down on the chip butties?? His brain is clearly addled by the nicotine withdrawal if he thinks that smoking is the only vice that the Politically Correct Brigade (i.e. doctors who spent 6 years at medical school learning how to stop people dying excruciating deaths) is trying to ban. He’s not the first person I’ve come across who believes that smoking is a God-given right, and will bawl, “But…but…BUUUUUUUT!! Drinking is just as bad as smoking and no-one is telling THEM to stop! ” whenever someone politely asks them to stop blowing carcinogenic chemicals up other people’s noses. Where does this ‘smoker paranoia’ come from??
At a kid’s club at the seaside, my mother once had to politely ask a woman to stop blowing her cigarette smoke directly into her children’s faces (i.e. me and my sister), and got the response, “I can’t help it if smoke comes out, I’m smoking, what do you expect??”. To which my mother replied, quick as a flash, “Well I’m drinking, and I can’t help my bladder filling up but you don’t see me pissing all over your children”.
When double standards approaches political correctness goes mad and common sense flies out the window
Thank yew thank yew (I’m here all day)
Just because I’m Yewish doesn’t mean I have to be singled out. Mr. Cat, I’m talking to YOU!
And the great thing about the lion, the giraffe, the armadillo etc. all conjured up in this thread?
Each and every animal has a fanny…
Infowar’s got a point- the only reason people get done for drink driving is some cunt’s made it illegal in order to make money off arrests. Same thing when he fucked that cow at the petting zoo.
Surprised he’s heard of Revenue Generator though- but for those interested, Alistair Darling’s band will be playing at the Dalkeith Working Men’s Club from 7.30 on Friday night. Heard they do a good Mustang Sally.
That’ll teach you to eat sticker albums
Only the lionesses, the girafesses and the armadilloesses. The rest have – well, schlongs? What’s the correct sYb for a pisspipe?
And possibly the girafFesses as well.
@Christonabike
Cheers for that, I heard Revenue Generator are opening for The ConDems?
Yeah, I’ll go. I’m wearing a hoodie, probably don’t need a coat. No, I don’t want a hug, fuck off.
I don’t reckon Political Correctness is a zebra. Cows are much better known for going mad than zebras.
I admit it’d have to be quite a pedestrian zoo to have a cow, but maybe it’s a fancy foreign cow, like a Freisian or something.
One of Indigenous Cock Haemorrhage’s venerable ancestors is on public display in south London’s Horniman Museum:
http://golondon.about.com/od/londonpictures/ig/Horniman-Museum/Walrus-at-Horniman.htm
I always thought Indigenous Cock Haemorrhage was the second album by The Fall
@christonabike
Studies show that drinking alcohol significantly reduces driver’s awareness of crashing.
christonabike:
I just hope it’s a better night out in Dalkeith than their last date in Midlothian was. That gig at Stobsmill in Gorebrig was pants.
Political Correctness the Zebra is of course an even grey all over.
“Where does this ’smoker paranoia’ come from??”
Meh, it’s a minority thing. If you smoke you know you’re one of the 20-odd percent of people who do something stupid that often annoys other people. If you drink too much, you’re made to feel vindicated by the macho attitude of people who get into work with a hangover and say things like “God, I’m SUCH an alcoholic” (usually code for “I just got drunk for the first time in a month”). If I’m right.
Funny, you don’t look yewish…
@Chaise Guevara
Studies have shown that the figure for “people who do something stupid that often annoys other people” is actually 100%.
Longitudinally perforated sausage, comprising all the implied brainpower thereof.
I’m so working class I thought ‘choking on a panini’ meant what Aussies supposedly refer to as ‘yodelling in the canyon of love’.
I always wondered what that song was about.
Much more interesting than Love Shine A Light.
“Studies have shown that the figure for “people who do something stupid that often annoys other people” is actually 100%”
Good point well made.