spEak You're bRanes

Animal Fannies and Plain Weird21 Jun 2010 07:30 am

By Gainsbourg

From Laura, Ken and Kelly: How common are fox attacks on humans?

Right here in Woodford there are foxes who come into open kitchen doors and steal runners [trainers] shoos etc .They are as bold as brass, and very cheeky, the problem is people feed them and they come around looking for scraps. Wolves might get rid of them, but they may be a step too far.
Mr C Quinn, Ilford London England

A scrap of paper, found by the new rulers of earth

169 Responses to “A Step Too Far”

on 21 Jun 2010 at 8:05 am t'otherone

Outstanding logic.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 8:08 am Everycunt

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/public_opinion.png

Pretty much bang on the money.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 8:40 am sir jon dangerous

Wolves may indeed be a step too far. Instead of coming

into open kitchen doors and steal runners [trainers] shoos etc

they’d probably come into open kitchen doors and steal babies [children] kidds etc
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:05 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

No, the wolves would be OK, actually. All you’d need is to install a dragon in every neighbourhood and that would keep the wolves at bay. So, foxes and wolves solved; job done.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:09 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Shit. If the dragon scares off the wolves, then the wolves won’t be able to nab the foxes in the act of stealing runners [trainers] shoos etc. Damn, didn’t think that one through. Sorry, all.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:12 am GiveItAGo

Clearly the only solution is to introduce these wolves, but to slowly over a period of perhaps thousands of years train and breed them to become more friendly and docile. Now we just need to find a suitable name for these new animals.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:19 am RIPOFF BRITIAN

No wonder our Fair England (not Britian) is overrun by foxes, what with H&S gone mad banning fox hunting!! Coming into our Fair English homes and stealing our English shoes!!

Which is EXACTLY like the shoe-thieving millions of immigrants Gordon CLOWN has let in!! (Not racist). I bet they’ll censor this comment ‘cuase it’s not PC!!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:22 am RIPOFF BRITIAN

Oh great idea guys, let’s let dragons from China in, because we don’t have enough foreigners already!!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:23 am Everycunt

Well I’m not racist but I think we should gas the foxes like Hitler did the Jews. We should get over WWII and the holocaust and start accepting that some of his ideas weren’t bad. Foxes don’t even belong here, they’re immagrants brought over during the Norman conquest, so like the French, not that I’m racist, they should surrender easily.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:24 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Then again, if the dragon isn’t fed regularly with illegal immigrants, he’d get a bit peckish and he might start tucking into any trainer-wearing babies left lying around by thoughtless chav single mums living large on benefits.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:33 am RIPOFF BRITIAN

Have Your Lurk, i think you’ll find this is an excellent idea, because it’ll get rid of our feral youth and preggo teenage dole scum
on 21 Jun 2010 at 9:35 am RIPOFF BRITIAN

Oh just their shoes sorry.

Well I for one don’t think that dragons are clever enough to tell decent, hard-working English shoes from smelly chav trainers bought with MY tax money!!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 10:41 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

There is also the small matter of carbon offsets for the dragon. Quinn would probably solve this by precipitating a nuclear winter or something.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 10:47 am tw@basket.com

I know Ilford. Technically it is Essex, not London, which explains a lot. Nobody with any sense would leave their kitchen door open at night. I’ll bet it isn’t foxes stealing the shoes anyway. They get quite enough food from the left over kebabs and chicken chucked in the street.

A few years hence, Mr C Quinn will be found dead, having swallowed a horse, and the shoe mystery will be solved when his “collection” is uncovered. Nobody will want their shoes back though and the police will have to burn them all.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:03 am Zoned Clone

Oh great idea guys, let’s let dragons from China in, because we don’t have enough foreigners already!!

Not all dragons are Chinese y’know. We could probably get some from Wales, right? But I’m undecided – Chinese dragon or Welsh dragon – which is better? There’s only one way to find out…
…FIGHT!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:33 am RIPOFF BRITIAN

Welsh = Not English = Foreign.

Come on dude!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:40 am Zoned Clone

Welsh = United Kingdom = not the yellow peril.

Come on yerself dude!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:52 am Ned Sherin's cock returns for real

Wolves might get rid of them, but they may be a step too far.

Too right, their too busy preparing for a season in the Premiership and are concentrating on signing key players from, err Hull.

Fun fact, if you Google “Food+Wolverhampton” the first hit is:
Greggs
01902 428382
21-23 Wulfrun Way, Wolverhampton, WV1 3HG
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:54 am Ned Sherin's cock returns for real

Too, To, too…
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:02 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

I know Ilford.

I have often wondered if the photographic paper would have been so successful if the company had been based in Scunthorpe.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:03 pm Max Rückgeld

Wasn’t there a guy who used to boast about bumming foxes on here? Maybe he could help with this dilemma [problem] pickul
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:09 pm Ned Sherin's cock returns for real

At the risk of expediting the potential reinforcement of the “blah filter” (thanks Max), and being extremely pedantic I’d like to point out that Illford’s base is in Knutsford which at least kind of has a genital reference in it.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:28 pm A Chinese Dragon

Ah so, I object to stereotyping of Chinese dragons. Are no dragons to-day in People’s Republic of China, Chungg-kuo, following Glorious Cultural Revolution led by Mao Tsedong. Yo ko hu fung lee. Chao.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:28 pm Andy

@Have Your Lurk:

I have often wondered if the photographic paper would have been so successful if the company had been based in Scunthorpe.

Trust me – no.

@sir jon dangerous:

[wolves]’d probably come into open kitchen doors and steal babies

Don’t be daft. Everyone knows that wolves eat grandmothers, then put on their nighties, hide in their beds and try and chat up their granddaughters.

Now, if you want baby-stealing kitchen-door openers, what you need is witches. But frankly, they’re not that much of a deterrent to foxes. Or Scunthorpe, for that matter.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:39 pm Can't Think of a Witty Name

I’m late to this discussion and usually just watch (through a tiny gap in my curtains), but all this talk of dragons reminds me of Albi the Racist Dragon from Flight of the Conchords.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 12:50 pm Oaf

I have often wondered if the photographic paper would have been so successful if the company had been based in Scunthorpe.

Well…. They succesfully make it in Manchester now so anything’s possible.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:16 pm The huge old Tom with big balls from No.16

they come around looking for scraps.
Mr C Quinn

Any poncy vulpine red-neck thinks they can just swagger onto my turf is going to get a serious rethink scratched into them. If theys looking for a scrap they’ve come to the right place. Don’t make me climb down of the shed roof and prove it to you, Rufus, just fuck off back to your girly fuckin’ Wild Wood now.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:22 pm Jolly Supper

You lot can laugh but foxes really are dangerous – it says so in the paper.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:23 pm Jolly Supper

Erm.. here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1287256/The-terrifying-night-I-attacked-fox-home.html
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:32 pm Fantastic Mr. Fox

@The huge old Tom with big balls from No.16

Oh, yeah? Well, you and your Rum Tum Tugger buddies can just meow the fuck off, matey, ‘cos nothing’s gonna come between me and Mr. Quinn’s new Nikes. Better take a good, deep sniff the next time your owner plonks some nancy-boy Whiskas in front of ya, too. No telling where Mr. Fox here went to do his business last night, if you know what I’m saying. Owner! Whiskas! I kill my own food and I belong to no man, motherfucker.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:34 pm Kris

The only way to get rid of these urban foxes is to restart fox hunting in rural areas. You know it makes sense if you don’t think about it and go with your immediate emotional reaction to 2 kids being injured by a single fox.

It’ll be like when that ozzie geezer was done in by that sting ray, and everyone started ripping off their tails and killing them; a fitting tribute to a famous wildlife conservationist.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:40 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Hey, Kris. You mean that wasn’t a stingray conspiracy?
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:52 pm Kris

Not a conspiracy exactly, but it is true that all stingrays are evil cunning bastards who wear monacles and will go to any lengths to kill YOUR national icon.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 1:58 pm Oaf

all stingrays are evil cunning bastards who wear monacles and will go to any lengths to kill YOUR national icon.

Then we should make our national icon the fox. Problem solved.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:07 pm Smaug the Golden

The proposition is simple.

Give me all your gold and I’ll solve your wolf and fox problem.

Gold.

Not trainers or dole cheques.

Gold.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:07 pm My Pockets Hurt

Mr C. Quinn’s suggestion actually makes far more sense if you replace “wolves” with “Wolf from Gladiators”.

Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:13 pm Randy Lahey

Andy:
“Don’t be daft. Everyone knows that wolves eat grandmothers, then put on their nighties, hide in their beds and try and chat up their granddaughters.”

Everyone seems to be missing the real danger we’re facing here; a new breed of paedo-wolves!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:16 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Well, a wolf in sheep’s clothing by any other name smells just as, um…

…forget it.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:21 pm Richard Littlejohn's Funny Bollock

@ Jolly Supper

That article is wonderful. Prima donna attacked by a fox in his own home. Dance training doesn’t help. Fox shits on prima donna’s carpet. Prima donna eventually moves away because the fox with the distinctive strut is pursuing a calculated and complex hate-campaign against him. Community breathes sigh of relief. Fox is given a small delicatessen-bought cake as a thank you.

Leads to wonderful comments like this:

Oh! and shock horror!!! Message to:
Animal Activists:
GET REAL!
Some culling might have to occur!!!!
and NOT to HUMAN’S!!
- SP, Shoreham, 17/6/2010 09:44

Cheers SP, I was thinking, ‘dangerous’ urban foxes what to do, what to do? I know, let’s cull humans. That’s the logical step.

And this guy made me laugh, considering he is a DM reader:

I was attacked by a moth in my own home.
I expect equal press coverage.
- fred, leicester, 17/6/2010 09:38

Pithy.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:21 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

I kill my own food and I belong to no man, motherfucker.

You’re Sarah Palin, aren’t you?
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:34 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

From that Daily Mail thing (thank you soooo much!)

A local, rural, fox torments our dogs (terriers) when we go for a walk across the farm. He comes up to them and taunts them. When they go mad and chase after him he easily outuns them and then waits as if to say “come on, how feeble are you?” When the dogs are exhausted and stop he comes back towards them and waits for them until they can’t stand it any more and away they go again.

What is this person trying to say, exactly? “My dogs are thick as two short planks”?
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:34 pm Andy

@Randy Lahey

It’s worse than we thought! It’s cross-dressing paedo-wolves!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:35 pm Richard Littlejohn's Funny Bollock

Oh, and on an MSN ‘news story’ about another child attacking a fox or whatever it was, I enjoyed this comment:

All jokes apart, are the fox’s the baddy here? its like everywhere man goes he just wants to build build build no wonder animals are going extinct and fighting for survival, I’ve noticed by me in Birmingham every time someone buys a house down come the trees and bushes in goes block paving slabs. we used to have a family of foxes until recently we kept apart and lived together for years no problems…..

It’s just the “I’ve noticed by me” bit really.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:38 pm The huge old Tom with big balls from No.16

I kill my own food and I belong to no man, motherfucker.
The Fantastic Mr Fox.

Whoop-de-chuffin-do, hound-bait. Eating the chicken with the feathers still on is no big claim to superiority. I got my own house with my own front door, a vet, regular quality meals and I don’t sleep in a damp shitty hole. And I’ll still tear you a new arsehole if you piss on my patch. Capiche?
on 21 Jun 2010 at 2:53 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

…until recently we kept apart and lived together for years…

Jesus. They kept apart AND lived together? Not since Dr. Who have I seen the laws of time and space bent in such a fashion.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:02 pm Makhno

But foxes always outwit wolves anyway. I’ve seen Disney’s Robin Hood.

And aren’t Chinese dragons peace-loving, water-dwelling creatures? How are they going to control any pest? Welsh dragons now, those are mean fiery fuckers but they’re a bit on the small side. I think we need some of those German dragons, like in the Ring Cycle.

But then what’ll keep the dragon population under control? Griffins perhaps? I think this needs some more thought.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:20 pm Fantastic Mr. Fox

@The huge old Tom with big balls from No.16

Yeah, right. You and whose army of cutesy-wutesy pussies? I live in the real world, matey. I’m an urban fox and for your information, Garfield, you’re on my patch and not vice-a-fuckin’-versa. I’ll tear your sorry ass limb from limb like an overdone tandoori chicken that’s been sent back to the kitchen ‘cos it’s too feeble and limp to stand up on its own. Pussy! Heeere, pussy-wussy-wussy!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:36 pm Marx & Sparx

I’d go for Wolves, especially if it were the 79/80 team with Emlyn Hughes, he’d kick some serious fox!

It’s the Umbro tracksuit top thanks.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:43 pm Kris

Hate to interrupt (I actually don’t care) but Mary from Cowboyland has inadvertently put all the talk of humans vs foxes to shame.

From the Mail story on the 300th British death in Afghanistan.

These men are not victims. They are heros, fighting for their country and for what they believed in. If they are victims of anything, it is humanity, and we all are. Of ourselves, and each other.
- Mary, Little Rock, AR, US, 21/6/2010 14:59

Oh shit. I’m actually crying. Don’t you fuckers see? It’s humanity. The foxes aren’t the problem, we’re all victims of the dark cruelty of the world that, like, we ourselves have created.

We have not learned the lessons of history. Never go to war, unless you know what victory looks like. The Taliban is not a force, it is more a state of mind of the local inhabitants, and your ‘friend’ that you train today could well be your Taliban enemy tomorrow. Also history shows us, from our own attempts in the 18th and 19th centuries and from the Soviet invasion of the 1980′s, it is virtually impossible to invade and conquer this place and its people.
It is certainly not worth doing as blind retribution for the September 11th attacks; to promote US oil and mineral greed; to support various failed and failing presidencies; to vindicate failed WOMD so-called intelliegence.

I say again, bring them all home now before another British or commonwealth soldier dies.
- Geoff, Winchester, 21/6/2010 14:48

And verily, I say to you, men of the west, that Geoff is a self important tosser who seems to think that the prime minister reads his every post with grudging admiration.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:50 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

These men are not victims. They are heros, fighting for their country and for what they believed in. If they are victims of anything, it is humanity, and we all are. Of ourselves, and each other.

Mary, Mary, quite a wombat’s wobbly wombflap. The soldiers were killed by IEDs and bullets, not by humanity, Mary, all right? Humanity is actually a good word. Look it up in a dictionary.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 3:51 pm Kris

In the interest of balance;

I know some of them unlucky young men, Im a lucky one that served my time and retained my health. Now in popular squaddie vernacular – Foxtrot Oscar

- Les, Thailand, 21/6/2010 15:23

Ha ha! Typical! That’s all you can say. Nevermind eh Les when you’ve thought of something intelligent to say come back and we’ll carry on!
- Disillusioned, Manchester, 21/6/2010 15:31

Haha! Yeah, stupid prick, whining about his dead mates. What a tool. Thank god we’re so bloody clever and anti-establishment, eh Disillisioned?
on 21 Jun 2010 at 4:35 pm Fantastic Mr. Fox

Now in popular squaddie vernacular – Foxtrot Oscar

I will not. I’ve got unfinished business with Hello Kitty over in no. 16 first.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 4:38 pm Turd-for-face

A fairly, highbrow debate going over in HYS on international relations. Here Tony Dixon takes a realist line whilst sam follows a line of argument popularised by Woodrow Wilson by taking the more radical Liberalist position. This is why we love sam. sam is a experienced debater, and can play either position with sound logic and reason. We find them midpoint through an interesting proposition, “Should we leave Afghanistan?”

Tony Dixon sets the ball rolling…

Yes we should. Let’s leave Islam to their peculiar medieval practices and customs. They can join the modern world when they are ready. Until then, if they want to flog us their oil, they can.

sam’s rebuttal…

NO,NO,NO,thay are their to do a job thats is what thay get payed for,if you cannot do the job get out.

Johnny Afghanistan would learn a lot from non-islamic, post-medieval customs and practices.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 4:52 pm The huge old Tom with big balls from No.16

Y’just vermin, d’y'hear? Veeeeeermin!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 6:00 pm tw@basket.com

Surely a pair of large, well illuminated, signs in his front and back gardens saying “I bum foxes” would serve not only to keep the foxes out of Mr C Quinn’s kitchen but also alert the human neighbours to unsavoury goings on in the area.

It would also help to distract attention from my real plan, which is to release a lorry load of wild boar into Epping Forest. It is all perfectly justified in the name of historical authenticity, or something, but I would rather not have to explain that to the forest wardens.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 6:37 pm Bawmswyne

@Whoever found the Daily Mail fox article.

…there he was, squatting on my sofa and soiling it.

This is exactly what I feel like doing after reading Ben Douglas’ horrendously-written article. It’s of Cugar Brant quality. I encourage you to read every last life-sapping word of it.

He ends by taking us to school for a lesson in statistics:

A freak occurrence? Based on my own experience, I fear not.

Null hypothesis: freak occurance. Rejected in favour of alternative hypothesis: FOX-TERRORISM EPIDEMIC with confidence 0.999999HOLYFREAKINSHIT!!!!
on 21 Jun 2010 at 6:55 pm Randy Lahey

From Kris’s find:

“We have not learned the lessons of history. Never go to war, unless you know what victory looks like. The Taliban is not a force, it is more a state of mind of the local inhabitants, and your ‘friend’ that you train today could well be your Taliban enemy tomorrow. Also history shows us, from our own attempts in the 18th and 19th centuries and from the Soviet invasion of the 1980’s, it is virtually impossible to invade and conquer this place and its people.
It is certainly not worth doing as blind retribution for the September 11th attacks; to promote US oil and mineral greed; to support various failed and failing presidencies; to vindicate failed WOMD so-called intelliegence.

I say again, bring them all home now before another British or commonwealth soldier dies.
- Geoff, Winchester, 21/6/2010 14:48″

I’ve just discovered that this makes slightly more sense if you read it in the voice of Yoda from Star Wars.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 7:56 pm Kris

WOMD

I can’t imagine how Geoff has gone so long using completely the wrong abbreviation, but I have to admit, his version is a pleasure to say.

Wwwwwwwwomd.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 8:14 pm Funny Peculiar

I think he just mis-typed WOMAD, The Jihadi wing of the Rasta movement.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 8:47 pm Mal

But foxes always outwit wolves anyway. I’ve seen Disney’s Robin Hood.

I was thinking that Reynard pwns Isengrim every time but then I’m a pretentious cunt(albeit one who’s sitting here going ‘wwwwwwwwomd’).
on 21 Jun 2010 at 10:46 pm Gainsbourg

I can’t imagine how Geoff has gone so long using completely the wrong abbreviation, but I have to admit, his version is a pleasure to say.

Wwwwwwwwomd.

I think he’s referring to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giwMVWR5ETA
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:06 pm random punter

What the fuck kind of a name is Mr Sequin? Bet he never goes “a step too far”, when he’s prancing around in front of the telly in his friggin’ frock watching Strictly and hoping Brucie can see him from inside the box of delights. The wolves are running….. the foxes are in hiding.
on 21 Jun 2010 at 11:55 pm john Adair's Gerbil

I can see Ben Douglas now, armed with 30 years of dance training, facing off against a fox.

“Go away, you beast, go away!” as he beats his manly fists against the fox’s chest.

And then he moves house to escape from the terrible, terrible memories of the Day of The Foxes.

FFS, it’s not like it bummed him, it crapped on his couch in terror. OK, fox scat is pretty rank, especially when you go over it with a lawn mower, but come on…
on 22 Jun 2010 at 12:52 am Just wondering...

…where’s Bit Spesh these days? Not seen her for a while.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 5:56 am A well bummed fox

She’s probably given up this site as it’s not really that funny anymore.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 6:24 am Fantastic Mr. Fox

Yeah, my girlfriend Megan said the same thing.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:06 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Tom, London chips in to the urban fox debate. I’m wondering if he’s got been watching a sort of Fox: CSI.

Foxes have killed my friends’ pet rabbit, bitten off its head and buried it in the garden. Another friend had the corpse of his beloved cat dug up and decapitated by foxes. My uncle lives in Yorkshire and raises chicken. He tells me that a fox will break into the chicken pen, kill one chicken for food and then slaughter all the rest out of sheer spite.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:09 am Mr Ed

But then what’ll keep the dragon population under control? Griffins perhaps? I think this needs some more thought.

I know what’ll happen, they’ll hire in immigrants to do it. When we had dragon’s round here, the council sent one of them Turks to do it. I’m not going to putting up any flags in his nhonour.

We told him he he’d better convert and be like us if he wants to live round here, but he’s having none of it. Even after we told him he’d get more benefits.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:26 am Dean Cramvoid

But then what’ll keep the dragon population under control? Griffins perhaps? I think this needs some more thought.

Shoggoths.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 8:23 am Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Right, I’ve got it.

1. Introduce wolves to keep the foxes in check.
2. Install dragon to keep wolves at bay.
3. Elfin Saftee, the most powerful force known to humanity, to keep an eye on the dragon. And by definition, Elfin Saftee will not harm either the wolves or the foxes, nor will it steal trainers.

Easy when you know how.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 11:39 am Oaf

J’ai perdu mon pantalon.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:05 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Where the fuck is everyone? I’ve checked the fixtures, England aren’t playing at the moment.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:16 pm random punter

We’re on the SYB Ghost Board, invitation by IP address only. We’re exchanging scholarly opinions in a reasoned manner at the moment. It’s great.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:44 pm Miles "Tails" Prower ReturnsforReal (aka Cheb Ghobbi)

Has it occurred to anyone else that these fox attacks only started appearing in the papers when the Tories got in? Is this some kind of propaganda effort in order to create public support for the decriminilisation of fox hunting? Or was the seventh cup of tea I just finished a mistake?
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:48 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

We’re on the SYB Ghost Board, invitation by IP address only. We’re exchanging scholarly opinions in a reasoned manner at the moment. It’s great.

Well, I’ll just go on desperately wanting to be accepted into the group, then.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:51 pm madra rua

Re That DM article: the unearthly screeches makes me think it was a female fox (probably in heat). So dance-trained-six-footer got his arse handed to him by a girl fox.
Also I’m not so sure it was the fox who defecated all over his house, he seems like a dick, I bet it was the neighbors
on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:56 pm random punter

Well, I’ll just go on desperately wanting to be accepted into the group, then.

Tart.

Cheb:
Is this some kind of propaganda effort in order to create public support for the decriminalisation of fox hunting?

Nailed it. We need to get out into the countryside and hunt down and kill all the vermin in order to create jobs for all the dole-scum and “disableds” who will no longer have enough benefits to buy their beer and tabs once the increase in VAT kicks in. Obviously.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:06 pm Zoned Clone

@ Madra Rua –
An bhfuil tú gránna?
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:09 pm Ed aka Voltaire aka BumSwine

I accept you, Lurk.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:15 pm Kris

Is this some kind of propaganda effort in order to create public support for the decriminalisation of fox hunting?

You know it. Check this Mail article.

The headline;

Parents of twins mauled by fox gets police guard after web attacks by animal rights activists

Hang about, crazy animal rights activists are threatening innocent victims of fox attacks? How awful, what precisely did they say?

Some, writing on a website called Urban Fox Defender, suggest the case is being used as propaganda in the campaign to bring back foxhunting, which was banned under the Labour government.

Well…that’s not an attack or a threat of any kind, Daily Mail. You could in fact say that it’s a totally innocuous opinion to have. Do you have any threats or ‘internet attacks’ quoted?

At the weekend, a Scotland Yard spokesman said it was not aware of any specific threats against the Koupparis family but there was ‘concern’ about internet aggression.

So…no, then. Concern about potential, and let’s face it, thus far non-existant aggression has prompted a single officer to guard the families home. I don’t want to accuse a highly respected newspaper of being purposefully sensational, misleading or agenda driven, but the headline does seem to be at odds with the rest of the article.

Not to worry, though, I’m sure the Mail’s calm, well educated readers will spot the no doubt accidental lack of accuracy after they read the article. They will of course read the article.

I am an animal lover, but when people have the audacity to suggest that a vicious fox is more precious than nine month old twins I must question their mental stability. And then to lash out at these parents in this horrible time in their lives…..well who’s being cruel now?
- Danielle, NJ, USA, 13/6/2010 0:25

Absolutely disgraceful. It is quite obvious that these parents did not harm their children. I wonder what that stupid woman who said “something doesnt add up” would say if it had happened to her children? Just another excuse for some lunatics to incite violence. I hope those babies recover fully and good luck Mr and Mrs Koupparris.
- THERESA ARCARI, tenerife, 13/6/2010 0:29

I would really love to get hold of one of these so called animal activists!!!!! THEY ARE ALL COWARDS HIDING BEHIND MASKS AND GOING OUT IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!!
- Garvnor, Redbridge, 13/6/2010 12:00

…oh.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:29 pm madra rua

ugly me? i’m a fox
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:44 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

Tart.

Thank you random punter, I do try my best.

@Ed aka Voltaire aka BumSwine
Thank you!
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:56 pm Miles "Tails" Prower ReturnsforReal (aka Cheb Ghobbi)

@ Zoned Clone

Ba weep gra na weep ninibon?

@ Kris

Web attack? Well it looks like middle England is fucked now they have Spiderman on their side.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 2:57 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

I’m pro-hunting myself, but anti-fox hunting. Does that make sense? After all, shooting a deer is actually bloody hard to do and the animal as like as not will outwit the hunter. But 20 horses plus 100 dogs against 1 fox (even armed with extra-pongy poo) seems hardly sporting. How did the activity even get off the ground in the first place? Did someone say, “Right, we can line the foxes up against the wall and machine gun ‘em or – Hey, we’ve got all these red coats going unused, and the horses and dogs need some exercise. Mount up!”
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:08 pm t'otherone

For fuck’s sake, no fucking debates! Just take the piss!
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:09 pm Turd Festering

I’m pro-hunting myself

So am I Have Your Lurk.

when people have the audacity to suggest that a vicious fox is more precious than nine month old twins

Danielle alludes to the precious index, first proposed by Keane and Watson back in 1965. Indeed, they found that nine month year-old twins were precious. Interestingly though, a fox is more precious than nine-month year-old triplets. Little fact for you guys.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:11 pm Miles "Tails" Prower ReturnsforReal (aka Cheb Ghobbi)

Curious really, because nine-month triplets that are a year old are a very rare sight indeed.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:17 pm Kris

t’otherone

For fuck’s sake, no fucking debates! Just take the piss!

It would be my pleasure.

Have Your Lurk (something in brackets)

After all, shooting a deer is actually bloody hard to do and the animal as like as not will outwit the hunter.

As like as not? Throw in a couple of ‘forsooth’s and ‘ipso facto’s as well. You also forgot to put FACT! at the end of every other sentence.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:22 pm Dennis Bloodnok

Clearly it’s all a Tory plot. Once enough fear and panic has been spread by the Daily Mail they’ll release the wolves the to control the foxes.

It’ll all be okay for a while until all the foxes are dead at which point the wolves will start breaking into Daily Mail readers houses and bumming their furniture (and children, where available).

By this stage DERA and Qinetiq will have completed the process of transforming Maggie Thatcher into a robotic, wolf hunting cyborg. The plan will finally come to fruition when they release Mecha-Thatcher who’ll smite the evil paedo-wolves with her robo-handbag and sweep to power on the wave of public support.

Thus will begin the glorious thousand year reich.

They don’t want you to know. I only know about it because I can pick up Dave Cameron’s mind-waves on my fillings.

You’ve been warned.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:24 pm Dennis Bloodnok

Also, “You’ve been warned” is a future “hilarous” Third Programme clip show about people hurting themselves doing things when they should have known better. Like running with scissors or whatnot.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:29 pm Have Your Lurk (And Eat It)

For fuck’s sake, no fucking debates! Just take the piss!

Whoops, sorry. Forgot myself for a minute. I’ll be good and evil in the future, don’t worry.

And Kris, if shooting a deer were easy, there wouldn’t be any deer left. FACT!

(Note to t’otherone: this is me taking the piss.)
on 22 Jun 2010 at 3:33 pm Turd Masterdom

Curious really, because nine-month triplets that are a year old are a very rare sight indeed.

Well.. um… that is Keane and Watson… um… their index really pushed boundaries…. FUCK IT ALL!
on 22 Jun 2010 at 4:10 pm Bawmswyne

SHIT ON MY BOX
on 22 Jun 2010 at 4:29 pm t'otherone

OH !!!!! come on why dont you idiots believe a fox did not do it.I struggle with the human race sometimes
- E.R, wales, 11/6/2010 0:45

And the English language apparently.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 4:45 pm Fantastic Mr. Fox

Heh, heh. No sign of Tiddles from no. 16 anymore, is there?
on 22 Jun 2010 at 5:24 pm Bravo Wolf Foxtrot Tango

I think we should keep fox hunting but give the foxes wolf escorts
Maybe this goes too far?
..umm.. we could give the hunters some intensive dance training to balance things out
on 22 Jun 2010 at 5:40 pm Dennis Bloodnok

I think your plan to give foxes wolf escorts doesn’t go too far enough.

Fox hunting would be much better if the whole thing was conducted on pantomime horses.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:13 pm Chaise Guevara

I still don’t understand how people bypass the blah filter. Foxes? Labour?
on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:59 pm Kris

We deserve this.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 8:25 pm What kicked off the blah filter this time?

Err, blah.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 9:28 pm Babooshka

C Quinn. Sequin. Get it? It’s a troll!
on 22 Jun 2010 at 9:37 pm Perhaps the success of SYB kicks off the blah filter?

blahdy blah I bum foxes.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 10:13 pm Mr Poo

Yay! Blah Filter.

By the way, you need unicorns to solve the dragon problem.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 10:16 pm We only have ourselves, and Have Your Lurk, to blame

Blah! I wanna blah blah blaaaah blah, I wanna learn how to blah (blah!).
on 22 Jun 2010 at 10:21 pm I suppose this is the wrong time to mention pan-flied ottel vollockth?

blahdy blah blah blah foxes children barble
on 22 Jun 2010 at 11:03 pm No, blame the one who switched it on: Nelson.

Blah.
on 22 Jun 2010 at 11:06 pm Nice to see that bumming foxes made it through

Blah
on 23 Jun 2010 at 6:36 am Can I bum a fox off you guys?

That blah filter makes for rather good reading, actually.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 6:38 am This is Have Your Lurk. Nelson, I humbly kowtow in abject apology. Is that better?

Blah blah café
on 23 Jun 2010 at 7:48 am Y'know, this blah stuff actually makes for pretty good reading.

If I’m right. FACT! Methinks. You couldn’t make it up.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 8:17 am Oaf

Blahdy Blarr Blarr.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 8:17 am Oaf

And I like cheese.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:05 am Brimswayne

Awesome.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:12 am BLAH FILTER IN NON-DETERMINISTIC SHOCKER!

Coke n’ Boules?
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:32 am It's about time

Thank fuck for that. Those boring twatbaskets were spoiling this site.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:39 am This will be the only time I will comment on SYB

Would anyone actually read this? Or not? Oh well, let me screw up the blockquotes!
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:47 am Experiment: if I type in "I bum foxes", will it survive the blah filter?

I bum foxes.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:48 am It works! You try it!

Blah!
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:49 am This is Have Your Lurk again. Nelson, I retract my apology. I'm having more fun with the blah filter than I did without it. Thanks, man.

Blah-de-blah-blah-blah…
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:51 am Hmm. It seems the blah filter turned my "I bum foxes" (q.v.) into "I vote Labour". Wonder what happens if I type in "I vote labour AND I bum foxes"?

I vote labour AND I bum foxes.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 10:00 am Smaug the Golden

I bum dragons.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 10:00 am Not forgetting "I touch children", of course...

I touch children.

Blah, blah, blah… I’m going off to do some work now.

On a more serious note, I guess I’m partly responsible for all this blah filter stuff. (You’ll be able to read this post when the blah filter has been turned off, which is kind of cool actually because it means I’m writing a post to you guys in the future, so to speak. But I digress).

Since I am apparently incapable of posting without fucking things up entirely, I guess it’ll be better for everyone if I just fuck off, permanently. Now, I have tried to do this in the past, several times actually, but I’ve always failed. But I’ll make a special effort this time. It might help if you all pretended I never existed.

Yours,
Have Your Lurk (beware of imitations)

p.s. I bum foxes. Not.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 10:00 am john Adair's Gerbil

And I bum dragons too.

And I bum foxes.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 10:08 am damon green

blah blarb blahdy blahdy blah blah blah
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:06 am strange, even when you type in `blah blah blah blah blah' it changes it. Not that I mind. I vote Labour.

blah blah blah blah blah
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:40 am I wonder if blockquotes work if I type them here? this should appear in a blockquote

Mother fucker.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:40 am Nope. Didn't work.

Cuger Brant is blah.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:58 am Huge Firmly-Wankingsock

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTT
on 23 Jun 2010 at 12:12 pm Press reload a few times and watch the comments change each time.

If/when the blah filter is removed this message will become visible because the blah filter only affects the display of the comment not the actual comment stored in the database.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 12:58 pm lol

Big tits and hairy fannies.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 1:06 pm I W Newts

It might help if you all pretended I never existed.

How about if *you* pretended that you never existed? Or does that just cause you to come back under different names?
on 23 Jun 2010 at 1:06 pm Blah blah café

is a song by Jean Michel Jarre, on the Zoolook album.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 1:30 pm Cugar Brent

Doin the lambeth walk – OI!
on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:02 pm pan-fried blah blahdy burble barble blah blah what did ya do to upset Nelson then Lurk?

I bum foxes,foxes bum I, bum I foxes
on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:34 pm I don't know. Nelson?

Content here.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:40 pm This post contains the meaning of life. Hope it gets through.

Why are we here? What’s life all about?
Is God really real, or is there some doubt?

Well, tonight, we’re going to sort it all out,
For, tonight, it’s ‘The Meaning of Life’.

What’s the point of all this hoax?
Is it the chicken and the egg time? Are we just yolks?

Or, perhaps, we’re just one of God’s little jokes.
Well, ça c’est le ‘Meaning of Life’.

Is life just a game where we make up the rules
While we’re searching for something to say,

Or are we just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA. Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.
In this ‘life’, what is our fate?
Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate?

Is mankind evolving, or is it too late?
Well, tonight, here’s ‘The Meaning of Life’.
For millions, this ‘life’ is a sad vale of tears,

Sitting ’round with rien nothing to say

While the scientists say we’re just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA. Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.
So, just why– why are we here,

And just what– what– what– what do we fear?
Well, ce soir, for a change, it will all be made clear,
For this is ‘The Meaning of Life’. C’est le sens de la vie.
This is ‘The Meaning of Life’.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:58 pm pan-fried barbles warbles blahs blahdy yarbles You don't know?? Nah I don't either. The budgit made kno diffrense to me!!!!

foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes foxes
on 23 Jun 2010 at 3:18 pm This is quite fun.

I wank foxes.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 3:40 pm Very short posts seem to get through.

I think.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 3:57 pm pan-fried barbles warbles

Do they?
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:10 pm Its random each time the page is loaded. Short posts have a better chance of getting through.

Sometimes
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:11 pm great idea - http://www.ukwolf.org/

Blah!
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:12 pm dirigible

They have the wolves ready to go. They just need the cash…
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:20 pm How long was the blah filter left turned on for last time?

Et cetera, et cetera.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:37 pm pan-fried barbles & warbles - about a month, mebbes 2? Dunno, I just gave up visiting when it became wall to wall blah last time...

2-long
on 23 Jun 2010 at 4:42 pm Well, fuck it anyway. Oh, well. Purgatory must be very like this.

Dante bums foxes.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 5:03 pm All you lot pretending to like the blah filter are responsible for it coming back. You let Nelson think he could get away with it and now he's mad with power. Fuck him. I'm off.

Fuck the filter.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 6:08 pm Good. And stay off, whoever you are.

Pretending? My only complaint about the blah filter is that it doesn’t affect author names.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 7:11 pm wine-steeped otter undercarriages! Well he can get away with it. He's the admin and can do what the fuck he likes, whatever we do here.

hate blah
on 23 Jun 2010 at 9:28 pm Andy doesn't bum foxes

‘cos I ‘aven’t got the bits.
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:28 pm What A Kerfuffle

This week I will be mostly wearing knickers
on 23 Jun 2010 at 11:30 pm What A Kerfuffle

I can see – I can see clearly
on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:40 am The Blah filter returns for real to reel (featuring the Mad Stuntman)

Personally I welcome our “Blah” overlords
on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:40 am The Blah filter returns for real to reel (featuring the Mad Stuntman)

8220 8221
on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:41 am The Blah filter returns for real to reel (featuring the Mad Stuntman)

“”
on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:44 am Seen what you've done there....

“
on 24 Jun 2010 at 6:19 am I'm having withdrawal symptoms.

Can’t live without SYB.
on 24 Jun 2010 at 7:18 am We can still work out who you are, it's Gyles Brandreth, right?

I fox bummers!
on 24 Jun 2010 at 7:35 am The satirical blog spEak You're bRanes, which used to allow comments on posts until the owner got fed up of the fans. Now, any comment posted will appear as blahs with the occasional word slipping through ("blah blah blah reenable blah comments" is a comm

Turkey Twizzler
on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:22 am Well, it's his blog. His house, his rules. We're not exactly paying for this entertainment, are we?

Sarky Swizzler
on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:28 am Shit, fuck, cunt, bollocks, arse, piss and shit. Okay, I am officially leaving now. Again. 'Bye all.

I’m HYL, btw.
on 24 Jun 2010 at 9:18 am Nelson: If we can't amuse ourselves with the comments then how about giving us some new posts to read?

Foxes bum wolves. Wild boar are the only answer.
on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:05 am Gah.

I’m HYL

EVERYBODY KNOWS.
on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:41 am The Toksvig Avenger - hope that its actually a suicide note at the top of the page?

Up Yer Bum!
on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:42 am The Toksvig Avenger - Shit, fuck, cunt, bollocks, arse, piss and shit. Okay, I am officially leaving now. Again. 'Bye all.

No, I’m HYL
on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:43 am The Toksvig Avenger - and so is

Yer mum!
on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:13 am The Toksvig Avenger

worth a try?
on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:13 am The Toksvig Avenger

nope thats cock then
on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:30 pm I hope you know you all look like right tossers.

Comeon nelson your killing it now, turn the bloody thing off.

"If you love Syria so much..
why don't you go live there?"

169 Responses to “A Step Too Far”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Syria so much.. why don't you go live there?"

169 Responses to “A Step Too Far”

About

Search

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"If you love Syria so much..
why don't you go live there?"