Credulous Nincompoops and Permanently Bewildered and Unfocused Rage24 Jun 2010 11:15 am

Hypothalochildrearingmus Transplant

By Nelson

What shall we do about gangs eh?

Get their parents in to have major brain surgery to fix their inability to take responsibility for their children. Maybe when that’s fixed a more responsible child will hit the streets. In the meantime, when they’re caught for violent crimes give them a sentence that fits the crime, if they go to prison for 10 years they should do 10 years and no luxuries when they’re inside. Prison is supposed to be a punishment not a vacation, so follow monesterial practices, make them pray for foregiveness for the crime they have committed, provide them with just the bare necessities to survive.
Toothpick Harry

Brilliant! We should follow this through to it’s conclusion though. Why bother building prisons when we could just remove the bit of their brain that committed the crime and replace it with a bit of brain that thinks it’s been in prison (or a monastery) for 20 years without any luxuries? The more I think about it, the more I realise that any problem can be fixed by major brain surgery! Can’t spell “monastery” or “forgiveness”? Brain surgery! Education? Fuck that, just use brain surgery! This brain surgegry thing has really got me excitenig. It’s the bESt IDEA EVA. Unless… maybe I’ve had had major brain surgery to make nig think me what brain surgery is a goodnig idea? But how would would I know? Who cares? BRIAN SUGARY! It’s not exactly brain sugary!

46 Responses to “Hypothalochildrearingmus Transplant”

  1. on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:34 am   The Toksvig Avenger - read "monesterial" as "molestational"...

    Yeah, I know “I BUM FOXES”

  2. on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:35 am   baabaabaa

    it’s?

  3. on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:10 pm   Everycunt

    They should just do that thing like on Deep Space Nine where they make you think you’re Irish for 20 years.

  4. on 24 Jun 2010 at 12:53 pm   TheViolentMajority

    Oooh the blah filter is back.

    Titties willy poo pants!

  5. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:07 pm   Col John Matrix

    Oh goody! Is the blah filter back on?

  6. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:08 pm   Col John Matrix

    Yes! It is!

  7. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:22 pm   christonabike

    Wouldn’t it be cheaper to mentally fix the kid instead of both parents? Apart from that his plan’s fine.

  8. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:29 pm   Shin00bie

    For some reason it feels like the internet is being sick on me.

  9. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:29 pm   Ugly Newt

    That Outer Limits episode would have been better with monks in it.

  10. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:34 pm   Blah filter getting you down? BRAIN SURGERY!

    Blahby blarbles of a blarbing nature.

  11. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:35 pm   DOCTOR!? MY BRAIN HURTSS

    I vote Labour!

  12. on 24 Jun 2010 at 1:48 pm   If you hate comments so much, why don't you go switch them off?

    Blah!

  13. on 24 Jun 2010 at 2:04 pm   Mouse

    How come I’m just getting the blah filter all the time? I want to read the pithy comments but all I get is blah. Obviously there’s no telling if that’s actually what you’ve all been typing so apologies if blah was the pithy comment of the day!

  14. on 24 Jun 2010 at 2:21 pm   A fox bummed me!

    Twat biscuits!

  15. on 24 Jun 2010 at 2:35 pm   Bah, Speak Your Blah is still on.

    blibble

  16. on 24 Jun 2010 at 2:39 pm   That should have read, "Bah, sPeak You're Blahdy is still on." I apportion no blame for the massive blah attack on Have Your Lurk (and eat it.)

    Error: please type a comment.

  17. on 24 Jun 2010 at 2:44 pm   I fox, therefore I bum. No, wait.

    Text!

  18. on 24 Jun 2010 at 3:57 pm   I blah, therefore I am

    Blaaaaahhhgghh…

  19. on 24 Jun 2010 at 4:25 pm   Possessive its has no apostrophe

    I blah foxes

  20. on 24 Jun 2010 at 5:17 pm   Er, this post? Its it's should be its its, you know?

    Yur!

  21. on 24 Jun 2010 at 5:33 pm   Ugly Newt

    Possessive its has no apostrophe

    The paragraph ends with caps-abuse, hilariously bad spelling, duplicated words and general nonsense, and yet you think the world would benefit from you pointing out an unnecessary apostrophe near the beginning? Get a grip.

  22. on 24 Jun 2010 at 6:36 pm   Tosh Lines on Crack

    Harry leaned heavily against the streetlight, his grimy fedora casting his face in shadow. Thin wisps of laminar steam rose from a nearby manhole cover, intensifying beam of light from the occasional passing jalopy. He raised the collar of his overcoat about his cheeks, rolling a gnarled toothpick from one side of his deep-seamed mouth to the other. His thoughts were racing, ever since meeting the dame in the market and her loudmouth kid. Running around like a real clown, eatin’ jerky before it’d been paid for.

    Shoulda given ‘em both a sock in the jaw. Maybe then a more responsible child will hit the streets, Harry thought. Maybe.

  23. on 24 Jun 2010 at 6:38 pm   Rather blah than unfunny.

    This.

  24. on 24 Jun 2010 at 7:44 pm   Ugeine

    I torched the elementary school and I’m afraid I’ll do it again.

  25. on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:09 pm   The Artful Wibbler

    99% of the time the mods of this site pick ‘good shit’ to have a pop at …

    This one is dull. With a modicum of sense.

    You can tell that the referenced bollox hasn’t attracted the proles when you get comments full of ‘blah blah barble blah’

    Right, that’s me off to wiffle myself to sleep this evening.

  26. on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:11 pm   Frank Lampard's Left Bollock

    Boring
    Wibble

  27. on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:43 pm   Nicki

    blah blah blah blah blah blah ROCKET SURGERY blah blah blah blah blah blah bloog blah blah blah bluuurg crochet blah blah blah blah blah blah dead baby blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bleem NEUTER.

  28. on 24 Jun 2010 at 8:59 pm   Previously silent lurker who liked the comments

    I’m all sad now.

  29. on 24 Jun 2010 at 9:29 pm   Virginia Woolf

    I bum foxes too

  30. on 24 Jun 2010 at 9:51 pm   This site is 5/10 without comments, and around 11/10 with.

    Nelson touches children.

  31. on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:04 pm   @ Previously silent lurker who liked the comments - Nelson tortures commentards

    I also bum foxes

  32. on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:23 pm   http://blahyourbranes.invisionplus.net/

    blah

  33. on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:49 pm   Everycunt

    Bibble wibble wobble poop.

  34. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:37 am   Mirelurk

    You lot give fox bummers a bad name.

  35. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:41 am   Let's be honest, the comments were getting more and more self indulgent and smug. We'll just have to put up with our time out until we've learned our lesson.

    I actually did vote Labour. Only out of apathy though.

  36. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:41 am   Mirelurk

    I’m breaking rocks in the hot sun / I bummed a fox up its fox bum.

  37. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:42 am   Short inane disconnected messages lacking in context. This is almost as good as Twitter.

    By good I mean bad, obviously.

  38. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:29 am   "Should SYP unclog blah filter?" wat a biased question the muslems gays women liarbore and the bbc should hang there head in shame!!!! this used to be "great" britan....................

    Wibble.

  39. on 25 Jun 2010 at 8:25 am   Bring back the comments! It was bad enough losing Silent Koala

    Or else post new entries more than once every few days!

  40. on 25 Jun 2010 at 8:39 am   SK goes truly silent, Nelson pokes his own eye out rather than read HYL, and we get Germany in the next round. Apocalypse now.

    42

  41. on 25 Jun 2010 at 8:57 am   Self indulgent and smug?! That's the whole fucking point! Doh!

    Nelson bums foxes.

  42. on 25 Jun 2010 at 10:27 am   pigfrottage is sad

    :(

  43. on 25 Jun 2010 at 10:58 am   Mirelurk

    Get a fox off / Get a fox off honey / Shake it nah nah / Bum a fox downtown

  44. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:03 pm   jpr

    “we could just remove the bit of their brain that committed the crime and replace it with a bit of brain that thinks it’s been in prison (or a monastery) for 20 years without any luxuries”

    There was an episode of ‘Deep Space Nine’ with some aliens that pretty well did just that. Spooky, eh?

  45. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:20 pm   TURN THE FILTER OFF YOU TOSSPIPE

    why turn it on in the first place, its not like adairs back or anything…

  46. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:31 pm   ourmaxine

    Don’t all men in prison follow monesterial practises?