Permanently Bewildered25 Jun 2010 11:00 am

Comments On A Schism

By Dizzy

Charlotte Church, looking all manky. It’s an opportunity to observe some of the formulaic reactions amongst the commenterati of Britain’s most absorbent newspaper.

1) “I don’t care, so much that I’m going to leave a long comment on the article telling everyone exactly why I don’t care.”

So what????? The girl does’nt even look stressed. Will she be the first woman to ever put things in the booth of a car. One must remember in this country the UK women don’t really need men as the government/authoritieshas put in place the housing progam that entitiles women to accommodation flats/houses and benefits so all one needs to do is find a sperm donor. ok? Everyday these women just make more children sometimes not even knowing who the father is but they get more money and bigger houses. Huray, huray, one of the reasons why the youths in this country is lost. No father figure; to much pack food and same sex parenting in lovely 1st world UK.
Belles, London/UK

Next, Belles shows us all how this voting thing is all bollocks by joining the BNP and getting to the polls at 7am. This will be followed by a lesson on how to care for your children while you’re at bingo by leaving them on a high shelf with a box of matches for a rattle. And some bleach in a Teletubbies cup. And arranging for Sidney Cooke to drop in to check on them.

Interesting to note how Belles believes that Charlotte Church amassed her fortune by popping out babies and claiming housing benefit, and is a lesbian. Even more interesting is how the education system doesn’t cop the blame.

2) “Famous people are just the same as everyone else. Especially me.”

Poor charlotte- she aint going to know what has hit her. It is really hard to be left with 2 young kids on your own, I know, cos it happened to me. She will really need the support of her own family and friends, as she struggles to make life seem as normal as possible for the children. But, they, like most kids, wont be fooled and she faces some awful conversations with those kids in the months and years to come, never mind the problems of Parent’s Evening at school, and the endless ddiscussions every Christmas and birthday that the kids have to split between mums family and dads family.. Even when they pass 18, it doesnt really get any easier, cos they still feel that need to please both sides of their divided family, and if either mum or dad eventually re-marry, then that brings problems of its own too. It is just too easy to give up on a relationship, as it is also so easy to bring children into the world. And, too easy to give up on it all. Very sad.
sukey, shropshire

Either the longest example of ironic warblings ever to grace the pages of the Daily Mail, or – and this is what I think is more likely – sukey thinks that Charlotte Church is famous for rooting through the specials bins at Netto and, when she was younger, hanging out by the Spar on the high street asking people to go in and get her a bottle of Diamond White and ten Regal. Not once does she realise that the kids will be able to get all the information they need from the internet, while the only thing sukey‘s kids will be able to get from the internet is a MySpace predator.

3) “My wife left me and won’t let me see the kids.”

The last time they were pictured together a month or so ago he was the one who looked down in the mouth and she was obviously wearing the trousers in the relationship.

The worm seems to have turned and told her to shove her money and her attitude where the sun don’t shine.

She’ll never find a dad for “her” kids as good as their real dad and it looks like she knows it now …… all too late.

We don’t know what we have until we lose it.
John, Stonehaven

It’s funny because it’s bitter and tragic!

4) “I’m a huge, stupid bell-end.”

If these two had brains they would be dangerous.
big phil, london england

Yes, big phil, I imagine if they had brains, they’d be really dangerous. If you added a set of brains to them, they might just have really successful careers in their respective fields, be household names (especially in their own, seven bedroomed mansion households), have multi-million pound fortunes, and have the minutae of their lives dragged through all the really classy newspapers all the fucking time. If only they had brains.

71 Responses to “Comments On A Schism”

  1. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:11 am   Yossarian

    blah test. Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon….

  2. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:17 am   Are we stiil all blahed up? I see that we are.

    Otter bollock

  3. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:27 am   Front

    I’m not understanding the Blah?

  4. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:42 am   Fight blah with blah! Type in "blah" until the blah filter is... um...

    wait…

  5. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:51 am   Rogue_Leader

    I’d still do her.

  6. on 25 Jun 2010 at 11:51 am   Rogue_Leader

    Oh, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah vv

  7. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:16 pm   dirigible says Those aren't signs of stress. They're signs of being pissed off at media stalkers.

    Those aren’t signs of stress. They’re signs of being pissed off at media stalkers.

  8. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:33 pm   Front

    The blah filter makes me chuckle

  9. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:38 pm   little jim

    Poop blah, blah poop.

    Wonderiftheblahfiltergetsridofrunonsentences.

  10. on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:49 pm   "The very profound and humbling philosophy being this revelation of Cuger Brant is. There but for the grace of God go I."

    UltraTwat.

  11. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:30 pm   TrumpsCombOver

    blah still on?

  12. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:50 pm   The Toksvig Avenger - @SplashMan @TrinaLouise1 30 isn't *that* young...

    JUDAS PREIST

  13. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:50 pm   The Toksvig Avenger - @SplashMan @TrinaLouise1 30 isn't *that* young...

    *PRIEST, FUCK!

  14. on 25 Jun 2010 at 1:53 pm   The Toksvig Avenger - @SplashMan @TrinaLouise1 30 isn't *that* young...

    With a * before “Priest” and a comma before “Fuck” – like that will explain matters… oh I BUM FOXES!

  15. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:09 pm   I got bummed off a fox

    Quimflaps.

  16. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:18 pm   The Toksvig Avenger - "We don’t know what we have until we lose it. John, Stonehaven"

    Jihadi Jetpack

  17. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:20 pm   I bum wolves

    Biffin’s Bridge

  18. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:23 pm   Superdick

    Weasel’s wang

  19. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:24 pm   The Toksvig Avenger - Jihadi Jetpack

    Griffin’s Bridge?

  20. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:29 pm   HYL is innocent, all he was was a messed up young punk with too much time on his hands.

    Thora Hird

  21. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:32 pm   Micheal Jackson isn't dead, I saw him in Burger King

    Farmer’s hat

  22. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:35 pm   blah blahdy blah

    Vole’s vuvuzela

  23. on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:49 pm   The Twat-O-Tron

    What a find this article is!

    Sarah from Surrey adds incisively:
    [quote]She is well rid of him. What a pathetic example of a man. His haircut is a joke for a start.[/quote]

    I guess that is the difference between Essex and Surrey? The women care about the blokes hair in Surrey?

    Can’t think of any Mail article on Ms. Church without the wonderfully ironic juxtaposition of the nowtrage over the Brass Eye Paedo Special and a picture of her aged 15, breasts a-popping. Over on cookdandbomb.co.uk for posterity.

    Blah, warble, blah.

  24. on 25 Jun 2010 at 3:21 pm   HYL is actually not that young, but he says thanks anyway

    The first rule of Fight Club is…

  25. on 25 Jun 2010 at 3:23 pm   I blame Richard Littlejohn's funny bollock and Chaise Guevara. Why should HYL get all the flack?

    bleh!

  26. on 25 Jun 2010 at 4:14 pm   damon green

    I vote Labour

  27. on 25 Jun 2010 at 4:26 pm   RANDOMISE THE NAMES! ROB THEM OF THEIR BONERS!

    Strokes R Us.

  28. on 25 Jun 2010 at 4:38 pm   Loumo

    Non capisco.

  29. on 25 Jun 2010 at 4:42 pm   J Alfred Prufrock

    Let us go then, you and I,
    When the evening is stretched out against the sky
    Like a patient

  30. on 25 Jun 2010 at 4:43 pm   J Alfred Prufrock

    throughcertainhalfdesertedstreetsthemutteringretreats

  31. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:23 pm   All Roeby's fault. And Kelvin's.

    Blame, blame, blame.

  32. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:24 pm   WHO ROBBED MY BONER?

    Screw the lot of you. Especially me.

  33. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:38 pm   It's funnier if HYL gets blamed. Incidentally, how old are you Lurk? I'd always imagined about 15, with a head full of dreams and Sandra Bullock.

    Sandra Bullock is ugly as fuck.

  34. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:40 pm   Kris

    For

  35. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:40 pm   Kris

    crying

  36. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:41 pm   Kris

    out

  37. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:41 pm   Oh, fuck. He did it. He actually did it. He mixed up the names.

    Bleeeeaah.

  38. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:41 pm   Kris

    loud

  39. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:42 pm   Nelson

    I am COOL!

  40. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:42 pm   I bum foxes.

    I don’t really.

  41. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:42 pm   Kris

    Bugger.

  42. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:43 pm   BlahWOggly

    yooop!

  43. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:44 pm   BLAAAAAH

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  44. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:47 pm   BLAAAAAH

    Lurk marry me!

  45. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:49 pm   BLAAAAAH

    bumsex

  46. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:52 pm   Why do people still make comments when the blah filter's in place?

    Seriously? Is it maschochism or something?

  47. on 25 Jun 2010 at 5:53 pm   Dickfuck

    Bollocks “masochism”. Why was it the one word that was removed, marking me out as an illiterate cockfence?

  48. on 25 Jun 2010 at 7:12 pm   We are the Knights who say... NI!

    Heh heh.

  49. on 25 Jun 2010 at 7:25 pm   Richard Littlejohn's Funny Bollock

    Couple try to sell baby for £17:

    Racist comments:

    I read on another site that it was an afro american baby, in which case it was overpriced by £16.99

    Mentalist retaliates:

    your an awful person for saying something like that about a child! maybe what u need is some peado to do u up the a*** and see how u feel being so vulnerable!! racist people like u make me sick, i hope ur mother is proud of giving birth to a **** like u!! what makes me laugh is u write a comment and then pi** off so come on mr macho man wheres ur response to all these peoples comments about u????

  50. on 25 Jun 2010 at 7:25 pm   Richard Littlejohn's Funny Bollock

    Ohh, the blah-filter is on. I was only hoping to share.

  51. on 25 Jun 2010 at 7:37 pm   Lurksome More

    …awaiting the return of the brane…

  52. on 25 Jun 2010 at 8:11 pm   If all comments are blahed, it kind of makes this site pretty pointless. Might as well post your articles on HYS.

    Blah returns for real.

  53. on 25 Jun 2010 at 8:12 pm   john Adair's Gerbil

    Ah, working on the name field now as well.

    hey-ho.

  54. on 26 Jun 2010 at 8:00 am   We are the Knights who say...

    NI!

  55. on 26 Jun 2010 at 12:44 pm   But wasn't this Sandra Bullock business a cover for a fixation with Gypsy heartthrob David Essex?

    blah blah blah sheep.

  56. on 26 Jun 2010 at 3:02 pm   I'm a true blooded English (not British) man and I feel that I must say that HYL is not guilty and I bum foxes

    Here is a decent, ordinary fellow-Englishman, who in broad daylight in my own town says to me, his Member of Parliament, that the country will not be worth living in for his children. I simply do not have the right to shrug my shoulders and think about something else. What he is saying, thousands and hundreds of thousands are saying and thinking – not throughout Great Britain, perhaps, but in the areas that are already undergoing the total transformation to which there is no parallel in a thousand years of English history.

  57. on 26 Jun 2010 at 3:05 pm   Agh, cock, he's pissing around with the names now

    clusterfuck cornflake

  58. on 26 Jun 2010 at 3:06 pm   No matter what, I'm a

    MASSIVE ARSE

  59. on 26 Jun 2010 at 3:12 pm   Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

    Nazi Musical

  60. on 26 Jun 2010 at 9:17 pm   Tristaniana Chive-Munter

    Skull fuck flavoured bleach

  61. on 26 Jun 2010 at 11:02 pm   Cunt Lunch

    Pan fried unfunny joke.

  62. on 27 Jun 2010 at 9:18 am   We are the Knights who say...

    fuck!

  63. on 27 Jun 2010 at 11:47 am   Cunt Lunch

    dicksuckingbadgerrapingasylumseekingcuntbubbles

  64. on 27 Jun 2010 at 12:12 pm   No Point In New Posts If We Can't Comment...

    Just saying…

  65. on 27 Jun 2010 at 5:14 pm   Frank Lampard's Left Bollock

    Bunch of wankers.

    Like the England team.

    Get a life, you sad bastards.

  66. on 27 Jun 2010 at 5:16 pm   I'm outraged. Are you implying the site is worthless without comments???

    Nelson downloads children.

  67. on 28 Jun 2010 at 2:47 am   The Toksvig Avenger

    Elton Johnny

  68. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:41 am   steggles

    Yum, pack food.

  69. on 28 Jun 2010 at 12:38 pm   Chilli cock

    don’t get this blah thing?

  70. on 28 Jun 2010 at 12:39 pm   Chilli cock

    Now I see

  71. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:10 pm   NOT A TROLL.

    hey everyone, seeing as the blah filter is still on, why not post all your credit/debit card details, your paypal password and any other information in the text box, then click the handy submit comment button to garentee your information is safe for ever.