Delusions of Grandeur and Permanently Bewildered28 Jun 2010 09:40 am
By Nelson

Thanks to Darren for introducing me to the world of scott. I’m not normally a fan of the long comments – most of the Have Your Say gnomes have already splooged their stupid within the first three sentences and it’s no fun watching them wank themselves sore for another thousand words. Scott is different. He’s not quite as cheery as Andy Kadir-Buxton, but his essays are not the self-absorbed whining typical of HYS. More often, they seem to be enthusiastically ludicrous “solutions” to the world’s problems. His brain is full of lego and numbers and exuberance and terrorists. Lots and lots of terrorists.

There’s just way too much of it to post, so I’m just going to edit together a few bits of his posts into a single incoherent mess. This might seem a little unfair but, really, it’s not. Every single word he writes is so awesomely mental that, by removing a few and taking bits out of context, I’m making him appear more coherent than he actually is.

BP never planed on filling that pipe up to stop the oil leak.
i know this, i told them 100% how to seal the leak by, making kelir air bags that explode like a cars air bag & block the leak.

sorry, kelir / kevlar is a bullet proof material. real strong & can even stop a bullet. i would say if it can stop a bullet it can handle that pressure. don’t even think a sharp knife can cut it too. so it would hold the pressure easy.

just think. if you are in a pool or spare, & stick your finger in the hole blowing out water, it will go in easy. if you try cover the whole hole with your hand, it will not go in / will be forced out.

That or freeze it with liquid nitrogen. run some thin pipes down to the junction, left & right 20 meters in. then spray out that stuff to freeze it soiled.
scott

I’m going to pause for a moment and give you a chance to bail out. The stuff above was entry-level. In a moment, we’re going to see Scott answering the question “Is there enough support for the armed forces?”. You’re probably not up to this.

Maybe go make yourself a cuppa first.

K? K… deep breath…

Taliban using civilians as shields.
Use
Heat weapons
Getting the Taliban away from the civilians

The Taliban hide within the civilians, they will walk with a group of civilians to try stop you from killing them.
So sometimes you will close in on them & they will run up to a group of civilians & walk with them, or will have them all at gun point.
Do this.
You will use heat weapons or Sound weapons to make the civilians & Taliban all move away from each other, then you can make the kill.

Try use the gun on the unmanned drone. This way when you get them 10 meters apart, the gun on the unmanned drone can kill the terrorist safely in a 7 to 15 metre radios.

Right now you just drop a bomb on them all, Instead of using a gun & using a sound weapon or heat weapon to move them apart. Well, you don’t use the gun, & if you do, you will kill the civilians. This is the way around that, heat weapon.

They will at least move them 15 to 40 meters apart in 7 – 20 seconds, that means if they are 7 to 10 meters apart, you can use the gun.
Put the same gun on the unmanned drone as the gun on the Apache helicopter. That gun fire about 6 m by 6 meters, killing anyone in the middle of that 6 meters.

Heat weapon
When they fill pain, they will run as fast as they can, that should give you at least 10 meters distains up to 40 meters. So sometimes you can use a bomb.

Try put 3 heat weapons into the unmanned drone.
Try start a easy system that the unmanned drone can use 3 heat weapons at once, & it can point them in the middle of them forcing them apart.
Even if you only use 1 heat weapon, it will still move them apart.
But if you use 3 heat weapons you could use them to move 20 people right apart.

This will allow you to separate them from each other, leaving the terrorist out in the open. Then once they are 7 – 15 meters apart, you can use the unmanned drones gun to take them out safely.
So they will be at least 9 meters apart, giving you meters apart to spray bullets at the terrorist.
I would say most of the time they would be up to 40 meters apart. Then you can use a small missile if needed.

Make the gun rotate 360 degrease on the unmanned drone.

If you use the sound weapon it would have to travel a long way/// the troops on the ground could use the sound weapon// but the unmanned drone will be very high up so it mite not work.
so you will only use the heat weapon on the unmanned drone.
I think the heat weapon can work from a massive distance.
So it would be perfect for the unmanned drone. If not fly the unmanned drone lower so it will work.
So only fly it lower if that happens.

The troops on the ground can use sound weapons or heat weapons. That will push all of the people apart.

Terrorist in houses with civilians

Use sleeping gas to flush them outside or to put them to sleep. That’s if you don’t want to use stun bombs to keep them secret for a massive war,

Use the sleeping gas to put them to sleep.
This way the terrorist will have to come out or full to sleep.
If they come outside you will have snipers that will take them out & you can use the heat weapon to move them apart.
If they stay inside they will full to sleep.
You can only use sleeping gas, normal smoke will kill them all if they don’t come out.
But sleeping gas will not kill them, it will put them to sleep.

So it said the Taliban got past your troops outpost thermal cameras sensors, by wearing thin foil sheets.

that’s easily fixed.
Start to put movement sensors around the bases / outpost.
Just like a sensor lights at your house. If a cat moves, they will go off / turn on. The smallest or slightest movement will set them off.

Even think about integrating that into inferred vision glasses / unmanned drones.

Must make new sensor to get around this Taliban tactic.

Even lasers pointed everywhere

The Taliban put check points of there own on roads,,,,

You must start to put boat style bacons at all your check points,,, so a signal that will go out..

So use your unmanned planes to fly around, when they see a check points & the signal is not there, they can blow up the Taliban fake check points ..

Iraq / Afghanistan
Check points
1.7 meter check points, NO more truck bombs killing 400 people.

WHAT DID I SAY TO DO IN IRAQ.
IF there is a area where there is more then 50 people, put check points all the way around.

No cars can be near a group of more them 30 people.

cameras at check points.
They will get death if seen letting them past knowing they have explosives in the car.

Put cameras at all check points, then see who is letting them past. Death.

Do this.

Also make 99% of check points 1.7 meter high. That will stop check point police letting them past even if they wanted too.

So only 1 road to the markets will have non 1.7 meter check points. If they try turn off, they will hit a 1.7 meter check point.
Know more truck bombs again.

thats just 3 plans that will win the war on its own. there are many more & they are all being planed right now / months ago, to be done right. thats why you think the war is lost. its only just started.

90% of my strategy’s have not even started yet.
i mean after all, i did come up with 90% of Iraq strategy minimum, & about 99% of Afghanistan.

so everyone should just wait & see. the war is over within the next 2 /3 years, & mass troops pulled out in 5 years, sending all other troops on the borders of Afghanistan, will massive strategy’s to crush anyone tying to cross the border.

i could be here for 200 hours saying every strategy. so so many, massive strategy’s. plus, don’t what to tell them may other massive ideas.
scott

Yep, massive. 7 to 10 metres.

107 Responses to “Massive”

  1. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:50 am Bob Bobsons

    Holy leaping fuck. My brain needs an abortion after reading that.

  2. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:52 am Surprise Bum!

    You what now?

  3. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:53 am Surprise Bum!

    BLAH!

  4. on 28 Jun 2010 at 10:12 am Nigel

    Heat weapon or sound weapon…..which is best! Only 1 way to find out……………..

  5. on 28 Jun 2010 at 10:21 am We are the Knights who say...

    Wii!


  6. I want a t-shirt with my name on it

  7. on 28 Jun 2010 at 10:29 am Use heat weapons to separate pedos from kids. DO THIS.

    balh

  8. on 28 Jun 2010 at 10:58 am Christian vdB

    Can I try the “boat style bacons”, please?

  9. on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:37 am Potato

    I liked the bit about taliban creeping about at night covered entirely with tin foil sheets.

    Do you think they use the big ones made for turkeys etc or your common or garden foil rolls?

  10. on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:42 am keefus

    Well you’re all laughing, but there’s a good point in there:

    “You must start to put boat style bacons at all your check points ”

    Those Muslims will stay well away from bacon. About 7 to 10 metres.

  11. on 28 Jun 2010 at 12:25 pm THANK CHRIST YOU LOT CANT TALK AGAIN

    kahlil gibran

  12. on 28 Jun 2010 at 12:27 pm harrison

    ewan maccoll

  13. on 28 Jun 2010 at 12:28 pm Lurker in a Burker

    Marvellous

  14. on 28 Jun 2010 at 1:05 pm Andy

    Still no end to the blah filter, eh? Ah well. My brain has exploded anyway. Has scott been watching too much War of the Worlds, by any chance?

    Ullaah!

  15. on 28 Jun 2010 at 1:06 pm TrumpsCombOver

    tldr

  16. on 28 Jun 2010 at 1:34 pm Knives go through kevlar easy. Still, boat style bacons are yum.

    blah blahdy blah-blah coypu’s ringpiece

  17. on 28 Jun 2010 at 1:47 pm We are the Knights who say...

    Pee!

  18. on 28 Jun 2010 at 2:01 pm Floppy Artichoke

    Boat style bacon on 1.7 meter checkpoints. It’s important they be boat styled so the unmanned planes can shoot them with heat weapons and crisp them up. Not sound weapons unless you attach hovering devices like the hover devices affixed to the cars in Back to the Future part 2. Not part 1 or part 3.

    So you attach hovering devices if that happens.

    Once the boat styled bacon has cooked fully you can collect the boat grease. The boat grease can be spread in 5 meter radios around the bacon checkpoints to slip up the Taliban. THIS WORKED IN IRAQ 93% OF THE TIME!

    blahdy warble blahdy tshirt blahdy blah warble blah it.

  19. on 28 Jun 2010 at 2:08 pm So What

    “Know more truck bombs again.” Awesome.

  20. on 28 Jun 2010 at 2:26 pm Mirelurk

    Put cameras at all check points, then see who is letting them past. Death.

    Must make new sensor to get around this Taliban tactic.

    The World’s Most Demented Post-It Notes. Blah.

  21. on 28 Jun 2010 at 3:15 pm Oaf

    He’s only writing what I have been thinking for years.

  22. on 28 Jun 2010 at 3:18 pm Captain Cederic Twinkington Hoover III

    So you attach hovering devices if that happens.

    Hoovering devices, surely?

  23. on 28 Jun 2010 at 3:27 pm Velvet Owl

    From a review of Glenn Beck’s book on the guardian website. Choice phrases in there.

    “Try reading it, or better still, his other books, which are non-fiction. Glenn Beck is for what has made America (and in former days, England) a country that others will risk life and limb to emmigrate to. Not communism, socialism, or fascism, but rather freedom. Are you so thoroughly indoctrinated in your post-imperial socialist political correctness that you disdain the freedoms and principles that once made you a great nation? And when I say principles, I refer as much to religious principles, without which which there is only arbitrary morality, as I do economic principles. What is wrong in the world today is the abscence of morality resulting from at least two centuries of anti-Christian bigotry in thought. If indeed there is no God, as it is so fashionable to argue in England as well as the U.S., then no one is obligated to do anything. We are organisms each seeking the most pleasure, wealth, and power for himself. That isn’t going very well, despite the monumental efforts to impose a secular fictional morality called political correctness upon us. Be men: either admit there is a God who imposes moral laws upon us, or have the fortitude to admit that there is no such thing as evil and it’s every man for himself, dog eat dog. Glenn Beck is simply calling upon people to decide where they stand. If there is a God, as I affirm there is, then there really are rights, from Him, e.g. human rights. If there is no God, any kind of tyranny, any kind of abuse, any sort of theft, is permissible so long as you have the power to get away with it. Choose.”

  24. on 28 Jun 2010 at 3:54 pm Huge Firmly-Wankingsock

    Jesus. Titty-fucking. Christ.
    I would literally pay money to see this guy go about his day. Maybe Channel 5 could do a documentary.

  25. on 28 Jun 2010 at 4:02 pm Naich

    I don’t know what you lot are on about. I understand him perfectly. You just have to push a pencil up your nose until you start seeing colours, then wiggle it about for a few minutes and Scott starts making perfect sense.

  26. on 28 Jun 2010 at 4:11 pm confused and a little hurt

    what’s the rational behind the blah filter anyway?
    Was it something I said?

  27. on 28 Jun 2010 at 4:27 pm Chomsky

    The last time I froze a hole soiled, I was laying the excremential remains of a giant bowl of borsch in a Siberian forest. Sealed me fairly tightly for weeks. It could work.

  28. on 28 Jun 2010 at 4:31 pm steven

    I read this and then threw my laptop through the tv. Does anybody have Scott’s address so I can send him the bill?

  29. on 28 Jun 2010 at 4:46 pm forrun

    my head hurts really badly.

  30. on 28 Jun 2010 at 5:36 pm Very Tenables

    What happened to the funny comments?

  31. on 28 Jun 2010 at 6:37 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Oh, I have definitely been stuck at the bar next to Scott. I would have stopped listening but Glenn Beck was on the other side of me and I didn’t want to set him off as well.

  32. on 28 Jun 2010 at 7:21 pm Mitch

    Well I, for one, have a spare 200 hours. Surely we all do for someone who’s clearly going to save the world. I’d like to know what he could do about the deficit; but only if he can keep it down to about the size of the Bible.

  33. on 28 Jun 2010 at 7:27 pm Christie Malry

    I’m a teacher, and my last form group was from Year 10. There were a group of 4 lads who were hardcore COD2 addicts. They talked like this a lot. Although there tended to be more Hitler and zombies in their detailed military plans.

    I think that’s Scott’s problem – more zombies and Hitler would stop his 7 to 10 metre obsession and restore his joie de mort. At the moment he’s too upset by his collection of MOD rejection letters to organise his massive strategies properly.

    That, or he could take off his inferred vision glasses.

  34. on 28 Jun 2010 at 7:51 pm Obamooslim

    This is beautiful. This is perfect. This is distilled bacon, cooked for 200 hours with a heat weapon and served by an unmanned drone on an Apache helicopter.

  35. on 28 Jun 2010 at 8:50 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Oh dearie me, Glenn Beck…

    A fuckwit’s fuckwit.

    Makes your average HYSer look sane, expect he gets paid millions of dollars a year to pretend to cry on TV because he just worked out that “Born in the USA” wasn’t a song about how great America is.

  36. on 28 Jun 2010 at 8:55 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Oh, scott, the topic.

    How are thee wrong?

    Let me count the ways.

    OK, barring the non-existent heat wave sooper deff rays, the Russians tried the sleeping gas thing a few years back.

    End result – everybody died. I suppose it may be possible that they weren’t using some sort of sooper-sekrit sleeping gas that only makes the bad guys to sleep (the Americans have that, I gave them the recipe) but I filled pain so I wished them a bomb.

  37. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:26 pm Schroduck

    cameras at check points.
    They will get death if seen letting them past knowing they have explosives in the car.

    I tried threatening to kill my camera once. Didn’t get me anywhere.

  38. on 28 Jun 2010 at 9:28 pm Bev

    I’ve read this site for months now, but never before felt the need to comment. But holy feck that’s a scary, scary brain commenting.

  39. on 28 Jun 2010 at 10:50 pm Sheepless

    If Scott and Andy Kadir-Buxton ever team up, we’re either fucked or saved. Possibly both.

  40. on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:35 pm Kris

    I touch children.

  41. on 29 Jun 2010 at 12:12 am pigfrottage

    Too much command and conquer. Use the particle cannon on them. No wait the Vacuum imploder.

    Turn on Turok and use the cerebral bore after the heat weapon. Works for me.

  42. on 29 Jun 2010 at 12:39 am The Toksvig Avenger

    cerebral bore

    neatly sums up scott.

  43. on 29 Jun 2010 at 12:40 am The Toksvig Avenger

    Yay, first post-blah blockquote bollocks-up!

  44. on 29 Jun 2010 at 5:45 am Theodore

    What surprises me is that scott has worked out that most military tacticians scour HYS for ideas.

    I’m sure his US army application was lost in transit and he is just exploding (within 7 metres) with ideas to help out our armies.

    Thank you scott.

  45. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:05 am Any Rand will do

    Use sleeping gas to flush them outside or to put them to sleep. That’s if you don’t want to use stun bombs to keep them secret for a massive war,

    Use the sleeping gas to put them to sleep.

    Oh great, now you’ve given it away. It was going to be so much fun in the middle of a massive war, with civilisation collapsing into horror-filled post-apocalyptic radioactive chaos that we had the ultimate solution: er, stun bombs.

  46. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:59 am new scientist

    Well then, SCott: what if the civilians and the terrorists run away from the heat weapon or sound weapon *in the same direction*? Didn’t think of that, did you?

    His spelling mistakes are the most hilarious I’ve ever seen – 360 degrease, inferred vision, boat style bacons…the guy is a comedy legend.

  47. on 29 Jun 2010 at 8:10 am Have Your Lurk

    What I love is that every time the terrorists and civilians move apart an extra couple of metres, scott exponentially increases the ordnance that he uses to “take them out safely”. First it’s a gun, then a small bomb, then, at 40 metres, a missile. Just another couple of metres (say, 50) and we’re probably talking fuel/air bombs or phosphorous incendiary bombs. Lord only knows what destruction scott would rain down upon their heads if they ever get 100 metres apart. Tactical nuclear warheads?

  48. on 29 Jun 2010 at 9:33 am Ray

    I think Scott’s really amazing and intelligent – for a 10 year old! He’s obviously got all his ideas from his comic – bless him.

  49. on 29 Jun 2010 at 9:41 am Theodore

    Scott’s writing style is a psychedelic mash up of Tom Clancy/Andy Kadir-Buxton/Catherine Oliver. (Saint Catherine providing the punctuation and spelling.)

  50. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:20 am Oaf

    Lord only knows what destruction scott would rain down upon their heads if they ever get 100 metres apart. Tactical nuclear warheads?

    A good distance for bows and arrows.

  51. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:34 am Butter Bridge Records

    It’s hard to pick one particular paragraph, but I’m especially flummoxed by sleeping gas flushing people out of their houses? When I go for 40 winks I don’t typically run out into the middle of the road… typically.

  52. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:46 am Sheepless

    Perhaps there’s a big problem with sleep-walking Taliban? I wouldn’t presume to know, not being a massive military tactician like Scott.

  53. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:49 am new scientist

    You might if you were a sleepwalker. Maybe all terrorists are sleepwalkers, and all civilian are not, and so the sleeping gas would selectively flush out the bad guys?

  54. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:49 am new scientist

    Ah dammit – too slow, you beat me to it!

  55. on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:20 am Dizzy

    Soft, strong and very, very long.

  56. on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:30 am Bugrat

    I wonder if English isn’t his first language? Mind you, if I were teaching EFL, I wouldn’t start them off with Joyce’s Ulysses (or Tom Clancy for that matter).

  57. on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:33 am christonabike

    I just had a little read of St Catherine. Made me feel much better. No recent posts though- did she fail to make it through the registration process for HYS I wonder?

  58. on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:45 am Scaryduck

    Ah, multiple commas. The sign of a career commentard,,,,

    As you were.

  59. on 29 Jun 2010 at 12:44 pm Toffee

    Well it’s not the best walkthrough for GTA5: Afghan City Stories, but I think I can follow it.

  60. on 29 Jun 2010 at 12:58 pm weeza

    Scott has obviously been reading Philip K Dick. Then inserting a spoon in his ear and stirring his brain.

  61. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:24 pm Bramswune

    Q4: You have a terrorist, a civilian, a gun and 3 heat weapons. You need to transport all of them across a desert using an unmanned drone. Here are the rules:

    * The drone can only carry three things at a time.

    * If the terrorist is left alone with the civilian, he will hide within him.

    * If the gun is within 15 to 40 meters of the terrorist, it will kill the civilian and anyone else in the middle of about 6 m by 6 meters.

    * If the heat weapons are carried at the same time as the terrorist, they will force him apart and vice versa.

    * If a heat weapon is carried at the same time as the civilian, he will fill pain.

    * The heat weapons can be carried with the gun, but only at a distains of 10 up to 40 meters.

    * You only have 7 – 20 seconds.

    How can you transport all the objects safely across the desert without degreasing the unmanned drone?

  62. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:30 pm Oaf

    How can you transport all the objects safely across the desert without degreasing the unmanned drone?

    Are there any trans-desert buses running?

  63. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:31 pm Bramswune

    The bacon rule states that there are never more than six degrease of separation between any two check points.

  64. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:45 pm seventh

    It’s… it’s beautiful

  65. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:50 pm But wasn't this Sandra Bullock business a cover for a fixation with Gypsy heartthrob David Essex?

    So it said the Taliban got past your troops outpost thermal cameras sensors, by wearing thin foil sheets.

    that’s easily fixed.
    Start to put movement sensors around the bases / outpost.
    Just like a sensor lights at your house. If a cat moves, they will go off / turn on. The smallest or slightest movement will set them off.

    Even think about integrating that into inferred vision glasses / unmanned drones.

    Must make new sensor to get around this Taliban tactic.

    Even lasers pointed everywhere

    As a poet, scott blasts Glenn Beck out of the water, with an unmanned drone / heat weapon.

  66. on 29 Jun 2010 at 1:58 pm eleanora_

    urrrrrrrrrr

    brain dribble out of ear

    …..

    ph

  67. on 29 Jun 2010 at 2:12 pm Have Your Lurk

    @Bramswune

    I know the answer to that one. The scorpion hops up on the frog’s back and then when they’re halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog.

    The frog says, “Why did you sting me? Now we’ll both die!”

    The scorpion says, “Because this is the Middle East.”

    (Yeh, I know, Afghanistan isn’t in the Middle East.)

    Ya, it’s the thin foil space blanket, thanks. With the Sandra Bullock hood.

  68. on 29 Jun 2010 at 3:20 pm Kris

    Scaryduck

    Ah, multiple commas. The sign of a career commentard,,,,

    I’ll see that comma elipsis and raise you a forward slash elipsis.

    If you use the sound weapon it would have to travel a long way/// the troops on the ground could use the sound weapon// but the unmanned drone will be very high up so it mite not work.

    Breathtaking.

  69. on 29 Jun 2010 at 3:40 pm Col John Matrix

    I remember a friend showing me a program that would try to mimic a human by trying to ape what you typed into it. The idea was the more you talked to it, the more it would seem like you were swapping text messages with a real human, rather than a computer. It didn’t really work, it just spat out gibberish based on what you put in.

    Poor scott sounds like that same program after it’s been fed a load of Tom Clancy books and the Brianiac Science Abuse annual 2010.

  70. on 29 Jun 2010 at 3:56 pm ad ho

    Even think about integrating that into inferred vision glasses / unmanned drones.

    If you stuck a motion-activated lamp on a pair of night-vision goggles, any movement would render you suddenly unable to see and highly visible to others. You’d then be able to locate the enemy from all the fire you have attracted, using ‘inferred vision’.

  71. on 29 Jun 2010 at 4:00 pm Have Your Lurk

    I think I can explain what’s going on. scott is playing Age of Empires V: The War on Terror. He can click on checkpoints and specify that they’re only 1.7 metres. He has also reached some future Age in the game where he can build unmanned drones with heat weapons, sound weapons and missiles that don’t kill anything beyond a radius of 40 metres. Villagers are cheap, you can always make more and if any innocent villagers are damaged you can always train up a medic to bring their little status bars up to full again.

    So, scott’s post is actually a list of video game tips. It all makes sense.

    So sometimes you will close in on them & they will run up to a group of civilians & walk with them

    This actually does sound like a little group of Age of Empires soldiers, surprised while trying to attack your home city. The enemy player is playing as Afghanistan, and one of the “skills” is that the Taliban soldiers (cost: 2 gold, 40 wood, 8000 poppy seeds) can blend in with the villagers of any race.

    QED!

  72. on 29 Jun 2010 at 4:07 pm Brimswayne

    I’ll see that comma elipsis and raise you a forward slash elipsis.

    You mean epilepsis?

  73. on 29 Jun 2010 at 5:44 pm Victor

    First-time post, thanks to Scott’s brilliance. I agree with Eleanora: his genius is not in military tactics or bacon recipes but poetry. He even adds his own line breaks for us so we get the meter right.

    Iraq / Afghanistan
    Check points
    1.7 meter check points, NO more truck bombs killing 400 people.

    Worthy of Pinter, surely?

  74. on 29 Jun 2010 at 6:22 pm Pirate Pete

    Well I disagree with the idea that Scott is a massive military tactician. He’s a massive something, but the second word only has four letters.

    I do agree though that there’s a massive gap in his strategic thinking if he isn’t at least taking into account possible zombie interventions – not least of which is the expanded weapons arsenal that this gives him. Suddenly high explosive shotgun shells, chainsaws and acid grenades can come into play… I mean, think of the possibilities!

  75. on 29 Jun 2010 at 6:43 pm Kris

    You mean epilepsis?

    I knew I should have gone with ‘those poncey 3 dot things’.

  76. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:09 pm Ugeine

    plus, don’t what to tell them may other massive ideas.

    Yes, keep it short and simple, don’t know who’s reading.:|

  77. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:29 pm Nelson

    blah blahdy me mummy! blarb’blarb dancing!

  78. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:29 pm random punter

    fuck. Timing is everything. :(

  79. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:31 pm random punter

    Array indeed.

  80. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:31 pm Nelson

    Should be ok now. Sorry.

  81. on 29 Jun 2010 at 7:34 pm random punter

    No sweat. The post probably deserved it.

    As Ugeine said,

    Yes, keep it short and simple, don’t know who’s reading.:|

  82. on 29 Jun 2010 at 9:38 pm Kris

    When they fill pain, they will run as fast as they can

    I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I fill pain my instincts kick in and I immediately sprint 7 to 15 metres away from any civilians.

    I wonder about people like this, though. Does scott (probably not his real name, he uses a pseudonym in case the guvvermunt track him down and force him to run their military campaigns) function in society as a relatively normal bloke? Does he talk like he types?

    Because the only guy I know who would say shite like this is the homeless fella in leopard skin pyjamas with an MK Dons tattoo on his forehead that I sometimes see smoking on the bus. Except that guy’s pretty alright.

  83. on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:11 pm Ugeine

    You must start to put boat style bacons at all your check points

    Damn! He’s let slip and now the Taliban know about our top secret boat style bacon.

  84. on 29 Jun 2010 at 11:03 pm Blah Witch

    99% of Scott’s Agfhan strategies work 40% of the time. Only when terrorists are 1.7m tall or less.

  85. on 30 Jun 2010 at 1:14 am BLAH FILTER IN NON-DETERMINISTIC SHOCKER!

    @Kris

    Ellipsis: three consecutive dots
    Epilepsis: ellipsis as written by a fitting idiot
    Ellipses: Eggy-wegs

  86. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:01 am new scientist

    So what’s the plural of ellipsis, then? Ellipsises?

  87. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:10 am Have Your Lurk

    It’s ellipses.

  88. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:36 am Theodore

    So what’s the collective noun for a group of ellipses?

  89. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:48 am Have Your Lurk

    A dottiness of ellipses.

    Incidentally, there is a pronunciation issue.

    Ellipses, plural of ellipsis, is pronounced “ell-IP-says”.

    Ellipses, plural of ellipse, is pronounced “EEL-ip-says”.

    It’s the pretentious-looking highwayman’s cloak and tricorn hat, thanks.

  90. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:49 am Have Your Lurk

    Bugger.

    Ellipses, plural of ellipse, is pronounced “EEL-ip-siz”.

    Not “EEL-ip-says”.

  91. on 30 Jun 2010 at 10:43 am christonabike

    HYL. Enough.

  92. on 30 Jun 2010 at 12:30 pm Kris

    If this carries on I’m going to get ellipilepsy.

    …it might rain, but I don’t have a coat. I’ll nick Lurks.

  93. on 30 Jun 2010 at 1:03 pm Nelson

    I hate catchphrases.

  94. on 30 Jun 2010 at 2:47 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Yeah, it was a shit show. Bloody Roy Walker…

  95. on 30 Jun 2010 at 3:26 pm Nelson

    “Flying clocks… um.. um.. CLOCK WITH WINGS??.. errr….. ANGEL CLOCKS? BIRD CLOCKS? FLYING ALARM CLOCKS??”

  96. on 30 Jun 2010 at 3:53 pm ad ho

    Breathtakingly intelligent answers; perhaps even bearing traces of genius. But incorrect.

  97. on 30 Jun 2010 at 4:27 pm Kris

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtM0-ZFwiNo

    This has suddenly become incredibly pertinent.

  98. on 30 Jun 2010 at 4:38 pm Kris

    You know, snake charmer’s not even a bloody catchphrase. It’s a job description. I’m starting to think the whole premise of the show was flawed.

  99. on 30 Jun 2010 at 5:08 pm Have Your Lurk

    Look blah me blah! I’m dancing!

  100. on 30 Jun 2010 at 6:00 pm tw@basket.com

    I must be really slow on the uptake today because I only just worked out what “boat style bacons” was meant to be. Not that I feel any better for working it out.

  101. on 30 Jun 2010 at 7:03 pm Ugeine

    @twatbasket.com – It’s like normal bacon, except A) it’s boat shaped and B) it can transmit a signal capable of been picked up by a F/A-18D Military jet.

  102. on 30 Jun 2010 at 8:53 pm nervous

    Be men: either admit there is a God who imposes moral laws upon us, or have the fortitude to admit that there is no such thing as evil and it’s every man for himself, dog eat dog. Glenn Beck is simply calling upon people to decide where they stand. If there is a God, as I affirm there is, then there really are rights, from Him, e.g. human rights. If there is no God, any kind of tyranny, any kind of abuse, any sort of theft, is permissible so long as you have the power to get away with it. Choose.”

    I think he may actually be threatening to kill us here.

  103. on 30 Jun 2010 at 11:11 pm Gazza

    @Kris

    I’ll see that comma elipsis and raise you a forward slash elipsis.

    If you use the sound weapon it would have to travel a long way/// the troops on the ground could use the sound weapon// but the unmanned drone will be very high up so it mite not work.

    In some programming languages anything after a // is a comment and not part of the program and so ignored. Maybe that was Scott’s intention. On the other hand he could be a withered weasel’s wang.

  104. on 01 Jul 2010 at 4:34 am Dizzy

    That’s fucking awesome. I’m moist for Nelson right now.

  105. on 01 Jul 2010 at 6:48 am Have Your Lurk

    Was it just me, or did the blah filter get turned on there for a while yesterday?

  106. on 05 Jul 2010 at 12:44 pm Slow Reader

    You still can’t beat Sumon for sheer random nuttery:

    http://pages.123-reg.co.uk/sumon-262452/youtheymeuk/index.html

    (last time I pointed this guy out, a few po-faced commenters chided me for “mocking the afflicted”…as if somehow Kadir-Buxton and the other hoardes of SYB targets are perfectly lucid individuals and therefore “deserving” of their treatment. This site may not be for you…)

  107. on 05 Jul 2010 at 1:38 pm eldaifo

    Bacon at checkpoints could work as a Taliban deterrent.

    The boy’s a genius, albeit by accident.