Thanks to Dan for finding this ludicrous bow-tied nincompoop.
“We must continue to strengthen our military relationship …. For when the Stars and Stripes and the Union Jack fly side by side, we are greater than the sum of our parts. And together, we can forge a better, safer future.”
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And George Washington is tossing and turning in his grave…
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Ladies and gentlemen, the noises you hear are not the rumbling of your empty stomachs, its the noises from the grave of George Washinton who is tossing and turning after he heard the above quotes…of mixing stripes with the cross…And the sudden cold wind you have exppearnced just now is not due to the drastic change of weather, its created by the joint sighs of all those dead people who fought for their independence of their stars and stripes from the Cross of the empire,
colonelartist
Whew, thanks for putting my mind at rest. When I heard the rumbling and felt the cold wind, I thought Mothra was trying to hump the Angel of the North again.
The empire is firing the gun thats placed on the colony’s shoulder…And the colony just like many other ex-colonies is happy to obliged..Dead men dont laugh, they sigh….the gales of laughter you hear is actually the people who are standing on the graves of those sighing dead people, and lauging at them…(I didnt say this , Kipling said something like this, I dont remember where but I remember reading something like that, and since I was not paying attention as I was reading it, so I cannot quote him word by word….Calrification to the mods, just incase they do with me what obama did to mccrystal after the pathan within him woke up and he said those things)
colonelartist
After laughing at you lot for so long, I’m actually starting to worry about mods myself… awful lot of mopeds around these days. They remind me of this Constable painting:
That might not be exactly right… don’t ask me to draw it exactly cos I was kicking the piss out of a heron while I was looking at it.
38 Responses to “Fear of Mods”
Both the first quote and the picture were created by “Colon, El Artist”
Colonel Artist is a minge.
That coughing sound you hear is from the people who are hoarse from shouting angrily at the laughing people who are standing on the graves of the dead people who are sighing, and that acrid smell is rising from the trousers of the people who have pissed themselves laughing at the ridiculously self-important colonelartist. The fapping sound you hear is him wanking himself into a stupor at the thought of joining the ranks of Kipling and McChrystal.
What an excellent trick, this reading without paying attention. I wish I could do it – wading through HYS / CIF would be less distressing.
Never was a truer word written on HYS.
You have to love an American so insecure he is still scared that King George III might rise from the grave and reseize the Americas for the British Empire.
I think what he really means is that it was read to him at school while he wasn’t paying attention. He doesn’t strike me as one who reads for leisure.
That said, I actually can do the reading without paying attention thing. It is far more a curse than a blessing. I can be reading something dull and my mind will wander without actually stopping reading. It is just like automatically ignoring the radio whenever they start talking about tennis. The trouble is, assuming whatever I was reading was important enough to read in the first place, that I have to go back and read the damn thing again.
I do hope it wasn’t Portrait of Maria Bicknell, Mrs. John Constable Nelson was trying to calrify, or else J.C. will be tossing and sighing in his dead grave. End of.
(stands by for italics fail & subsequent shame)
…subsequent shame
There’s a certain resonance to this; a sort of call to arms. Power to the people! Votes for women! Calrification to the mods!
To be fair, he seems to be an actual Afghani, and probably learned his English from Kipling and Saki and the like. He’s still a twat though.
George Washington was from Northamptonshire. So that’s him, Jo Wiley and Alan Carr we’re responsible for.
Sorry guys.
Having now realised that the colonel is of the Asian persuasion, I can only read his posts in the voice of the Dad from The Kumars at no. 42, the character who claimed anything or any person of perceived value to be INDIAN!!!!
Whilst adding a certain piquancy, this detracts from the gravitas of his erudition. In his eyes, I suspect this would probably make me a bad person. Fortunately, I don’t give a fuck.
Moi ?
!http://elosticity.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/mothra-9.jpg!
Dead people don’t sigh unless you get busy with a bicycle pump.
I think they were just tutting.
Buggering a heron, surely?
Calrification is what happens when serious amounts of helmet cheese accumulate on the internet. Why it’s happening to mods, I don’t know. Something to do with Keith Moon.
Who?
LOL-tastic.
I don’t know whether dead people can sigh, but they do fart, because of a build-up of gas from decomposition. I offer this information in the hope that colonelartist can use it in another moving epigram.
@Mothra,
Blimey your randy! First the angel of the north then the Eden Project, steer clear of the B of the Bang, mind, it’ll play havoc with testis.
Take courage! Remember, as Kipling wrote: if you can keep your head when… uh… something something something exceedingly good cakes. Something like that. The fact that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about in no way undermines my argument.
What do you have against bow ties?
@Mothra
EEEEEEEEAAAIIIIIIIEE!!!
I never thought I’d see myself typing this, but if you guys don’t cop yourselves on right now the blah filter’s going to make a reappearance.
@have your lurk
LOLWUT?
I bum the LHC.
@Gabarah – there is no B of the Bang
I was on a bus to the Trafford Centre late last week and was so looking forward to seeing it, but they dismantled it, with blowtorches no less (fecking philistines), in the late Spring
@Pirate Pete
That’s what they want you to think, truth is that they just couldn’t get the residue off… not even with Cillit Bang
Number 53, changing at Trafford Bar for the 250, right?
colonelartist may or may not be a colonel, but he is certainly an artist, and therefore should be cherished. He uses words with the approximate precision of General McCrystal; his spelling may occasionally cause collateral damage, but compared with the average sYb target he is James Joyce. So there.
Being the rather childish twat that I am, I laughed myself stupid at the thought of Nelson kicking the piss out of a heron. But then again, I am married to a man who gobbed in a ducks eye when he was a kid for no apparent reason.
That’s nothing, I killed a swan and did a shit on it.
Oh dear Sir Alf, I think you are a Mighty Boosh fan! I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but it is a bit sad when people go around quoting tv progs and all that.
@Hootie McBoob
What’s even more tragic is that my name might be derived from another TV programme… unlike your rather original effort ;p
You people disappoint me.
Yes… my work here is done!
The reasons were twofold, and the same ones why a dog licks his balls. He wants to, and he can.
That drawing looks more like a michaelangelo than a constable to me