The Original Slope-Foreheaded Knuckle Dragger
By DizzyMany thanks to Jo, again, who sent us two pieces of shit for the price of one email.
What do you think when someone’s been sentenced to be stoned to death for adultery? Well, if you’re a suspicious yellow gusset stain like The Original Ray, then you think this:
Adultery SHOULD be punished although that seems pretty harsh.
Look at the mess our society is in. Seventy five percent of families break up because the woman decides she wants a different bloke and, in the West, this is rewarded by the state because she ends up with the home, the kids and a large proportion of the father’s income while the father is left to grin and bear it, or banged up if he doesn’t comply. (Never heard a feminist go on about that little imbalance.) Opposite ends of the spectrum is my point.
If you live under that sort of regime, as this woman does, and you know what you are in for if you cheat on your husband then more fool you. Its not like Sharia has just been invented.
The Original Ray, Liverpool
Yeah, Sharia has been around for ages, so she must have heard of it. Ray has, after all. He even thinks Sharia has some merits. That is, as long as it’s doing awful (and entirely proportionate) things to people who’ve done something similar to the bitch who did something awful to him. They all deserve it. They’re all the same. She knew the risks when she took the job. It’s not misogynism, it’s common sense.
Mind you, Ray, pretty harsh? You need to read the article again, mate – it clearly says that when they do the stoning, women get buried up to their necks so they don’t get whacked in the tits. That seems fair enough to me. If we’re going to implement any kind of punishment for adultery in the UK – only for women who deserve it, of course – then we should be very careful that at no point do women get whacked in the tits. And that’s being nice, what with all the houses and the money they’ve been getting for centuries and shit.
Frankly, Sharia would help deal with that seventy-five percent of broken families thanks to women. Something’s amiss in the West, and it’s nothing to do with the fact that Ray is a miserable, bitter, twisted, flaky old ringpiece. No ma’am sirree. We need positive solutions to the problems that aren’t caused by Ray being a stringy piece of knob cheddar, and Sharia sounds like one – a system where men get everything and women get fuck all, and where men can rely on the fact that they’re men to make up any old shit and get all these fucking cheating women swanning around the place like they’re fucking people or something put to death. As long as they don’t get whacked in the tits. That’s the line.
In fact, I heard that seventy-five percent of women stoned to death deserve it. And I’m honestly not just making this shit up because I hate women.
65 Responses to “The Original Slope-Foreheaded Knuckle Dragger”
Do the other 25% of marriages break up because the women decides she fancies women?
dammit, should have waited
That should be “woman decides she fancies women”. I may punish myself by doing some work.
From the same comments thread:
“it makes animals misbehave,for the sake of all.” WTF?
@ Jones
I doubt such things are even considered in Ray’s mind. My assumption is that Ray’s soundly researched statistics would show that the other 25% are men (deservingly) leaving women because the fuckers have stopped looking after themselves after years of looking after kids, holding down depressing menial part-time jobs, and pandering to the whims of Ray and his mates.
I got stoned nearly to death once. Man, that was some bad shit. Was high for weeks.
Ah, I get what he’s done there.
Animals = people
Misbehave = do stuff against our natural animal behaviour, like go to church instead of throw faeces at your neighbour.
Subtle, see?
What a leaking limpet’s labia.
Dammit, I read that as a the biblical certification of “Animals do the funniest things”
Ray’s sitting in his bedsit, with Phil Collins’ first solo album playing over and over and over again, while looking at the pile of stones he’s collected while stalking his ex and muttering to himself.
“I’ll get you, you bitch, yes I will. Not good enough for you, am I? Spend all day in the pub just so I’m ready to come home at some random time and have a burnt tea. I’ll get you, you bitch…”
Dizzy,
I think you need to lie down in a dark room for a while. You seem positively boiling over with fury.
It’s almost like The Original Ray has just found life that life can be a bit unfair sometimes, and has then done an original riff on “if you like it so much, why don’t you go live there”, changing it to “they didn’t mind the stupid law enough to move country before committing adultery, and now they’re getting stoned to death for it. Never mind, pass the bisuits…”
“just found life that life”
“just found out that life”
Sheesh! Sorry everyone.
I’ll be with Jones, doing some work.
As a woman, I would rather be stoned to the head than the tits. It right fucking hurts getting hit in the tit!
I would like to say a thank you Mr Sharia Law for taking this into account when he sorts us wimmins out.
“Sharia” is a gurl’s name, surely, like Shanelle, Shantelle and Shardonnay?
I reckon it’s “Sharia’s Law”, just like “Megan’s Law” and “Cheryl Cole’s Law”.
“ours in the UK“? I think you’ll find you’re in the EU now, Trev.
Yet another HYS’er whose adjective logic I find unfathomable. Being stoned to death for committing adultery = ‘pretty harsh’.
I wonder how The Original Ray describes genocide? Probably along the lines of, ‘quite awful, although with some redeemable outcomes, such as dead women’
On a related note, Iran has apparently set out a list of acceptable Muslim haircuts for men in time for their Modesty and Veil Festival (and what a festival that must be).
Gather round, children, and Farmer Giles will give us all the benefit of his years of experience and accumulated wisdom.
I really want to find more of Farmer Giles’ posts to see if he has a bizarre Kafkaesque parable that has no discernable relation to the topic at hand for every Daily Mail story.
“Ah yes, Cheryl Cole has a new boyfriend. This brings to mind the time of the Duke of Shropshire, who had a very stubborn horse. Obviously he did all he could, but in the end took to taking down his pantaloons and riding a pig around the town. It just goes to show, don’t put off to tomorrow what could be finished today!”
Father Giles = Grandpa Simpson
Marples is mainly remembered for introducing parking meters and yellow lines. I’m sure we’re all agreed that minor inconveniences to motorists are the equal of any level of injustice. Auschwitz? Reminds me of that time I got wheel-clamped.
Much as I’d like to see marxist feminists get the credit, I think Christianity has been sidelined by a little thing called reality.
Let’s put it into perspective. How quickly we forget Sharia Law. The Original Ray might have been clever once, but this pub bore rant is an embarrassment. If this is all he can produce today it is time for him to quietly retire before he destroys any reputation he may have left. Perhaps this will be the proverbial straw breaking this horse designed by committee.
In The Original Ray’s universe, the feminists are lying about both the earnings imbalance, and how much time and money it takes to bring up children. He believes that it’s perfectly possible for someone to be out all day and simultaneously looking after the kids. This is probably why his ex got custody of the kids.
“That little imbalance” = what Ray’s ex-wife called his cock.
Well I don’t know about Original Ray, but I can tell you on good authority that genocide means blacking out the windows of a swimming pool so it doesn’t offend Muslims, as JackPershing explains…
Story here
That was a comment from the Express lead story, but it must have really kicked off from when I last looked and laughed at it, because they have pulled all the comments now. I’m sure you can use your imagination and guess what most of the comments consisted of.
My sympathies go out to original rays children; at least they only have to see him every other weekend at the court ordered times.
Oh and slightly off topic, but peter bracken is a fuckwitted nonce
So that’s alright then. In fact, hurrah for Raoul Moat! Gun the bitches down! That will set an example for beaten women in the UK to take what’s coming to them and not escape when they get the chance.
I thought JackPershing was addressing the nation, and that got my thinking, how stupid is the description ‘Great’ for a country? ‘United’, fine. ‘People’s Republic’, fine. But Great?
Why don’t other countries do it? Where is Marvellous Macedonia, Groovy Granada or Sublime Sudan?
I personally think it came from when people in pre-colonial days saw soldiers arriving on their beaches.
“Where are you from?”
“Britain”
“Oh, great, Britain.”
“Why thank you”
Followed by some stabbing and flag-waving and British-led (not swimming pool window-led) genocide.
Great Britain,if present demographic trends continue,will become a muslim majority country in two or three generations. AND YOU VOTED FOR IT!!!! Yes you did,you voted for the liblabcon party.
I love how he fills in my side of the argument for me, because mid way through I screamed out “No I Didn-!” only to meet a truckload of logic coming right at me in the next sentence. Thankyou, JackPershing.
I tried to vote for the liblabcon party, but I couldn’t find the box on the ballot paper. So I voted BSNPlaidCymrUKIP instead.
Hootie McBoob, you just gotta love that Express story.
Political Correctness’ debilitating mental condition is always a source of amusement. When I imagine a guy called ‘Political Correctness’ he is very similar to JackPershing, but in a suit, a hard hat, and carrying a clipboard. Although he is not employed by anyone, he runs around a shitty English town (whose ethnic minority consists of Marge and Phil Gilmore, who are just a bit tanned) demanding that everyone should be refered to as ‘Viceroy’, and that the library ought to close for the Feast of Winter Veil.
——————+++——————-
rapid fire survey, all syb comentators
please give anwsers after the tone
…Beep..
1) Who came to syb after reading that
Guardian article about it?
2) Who remembers Fucko the Clown?
3) Who at some point has posted serious
comments with the hope of them getting
read and understood, in the mindwank
that is HYS?
THANK YOU
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none of that awesome formating stuff i tried actually worked.
;;
/\
Everyone remembers Fucko the Clown.
It’s La Spesh I miss.
miguel, your formatting looks fine to me, although the “beep” didn’t work.
1) Have Your Lurk
2) silent koala
3) Everyone on HYS
I remember Fucko. And Clowno the Fuck.
Wasn’t the Guardian that tipped me off though, I think it was b3ta
1) Not me. I was here before that…
2) I do. He was weird.
3) Everyone on HYS
I miss La Spesh and millie. It’s just not the same…
I’ve got way too much time on my hands this week, so unfortunately I have been reading places like HYS. Normally I let you lot find the funny ones for me so I don’t have to look, however, was reading the gay/lesbian ayslum seekers topic over there and found this little nugget of shite.
Hmm I suspect Maledicti is a fella and I bet he would volunteer himself to check the lesbians really are lesbians.
HYS homophones and arseholes
The “Great” in Great Britain means “big” rather than “good”. And it is big, particularly when you compare it with smaller countries, or with a mouse, or use a really big font.
If anything “United” is more likely to be a misnomer. Is any country actually united in everything it does? Even worse, “People’s Republic”s tend to be people’s republics only in the sense that the republic’s dictatorship is composed of people instead of, say, marmosets or cabbages. This is a pity because nobody would be scared of a cabbage, even if it had a machine gun.
Anyway, the grandiose name of our country is a perfect reflection of our misplaced national pride built on ignorance. 50p says that less than 10% of the population could actually tell you that the country is correctly called the “United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern Ireland” (without reading it off the front of their passports anyway). Hell yes! Who wants to live in a country where the population actually knows what it is called? That would be like France, or something.
1) I found the Guardian article after I arrived here, but I don’t know if I arrived here after the Guardian article was published.
2) I don’t.
3) I’ve forgotten the third question. Will this come up in an exam?
I miss everyone that I’ve annoyed and caused to piss off to other pastures. I’m really a rather pathetic individual. (But you knew that.)
Oh, and I proved earlier (scroll up) that I can’t even understand a Daily Mail article. Beat that.
In a wholly misguided and futile attempt to make the UK look less stupid I hit Wikipedia looking for other countries with stupid and/or unwieldy official names. Here is the best I could come up with:
State of Brunei, Abode of Peace
I love this one. Really bonkers.
Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan
As opposed to all the other Kingdoms of Jordan?
Great Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Republic
Brilliant! Unwieldy, self aggrandising and the only country to have the word “Great” in its name other than us.
Grand Duchy of Luxembourg
Grand is almost as good a great.
United Mexican States
OK. This is not intrinsically stupid but it made me smile imagining a quick witted Mexican immigrant bullshitting a thick American cop by claiming to be a citizen of the “United M[cough]n States”.
State of the Vatican City
This sounds like something the Pope would complain about after all the tourists have thrown their rubbish in the city’s squares.
I won’t take the piss out of the Former Yugoslav Republic Of Macedonia, as that stupid name was foisted on them by other countries and they resent it mightily.
I miss La Spesh, but I don’t much miss her going on about TBF or whatever her cosy initialism was for him indoors. Don’t like cosy initialisms – bit like catchphrases, though I’m prone to those myself sometimes when I let myself off the leash. However, in her absense we have tw@basket.com, Kris and Hootie McBoob who are all worthy contributors. Make me laugh, anyway.
Absense? Absence, you fuckwit.
Like Sharia Twain, the popular songbird of the country music scene, surely?
@twatbasket
That’s probably the best response I’ve ever had, in any area of life.
I was personally aware of the full title of our country, apparantly it’s the second longest after Libya (in Arabic I assume).
I also agree these countries may be less than united or a people’s republic, but at least they weren’t, well, using the word Great basically.
As for poor F.Y.R.OM. I reckon they could probably steal Macedonia back, now that Greece is somewhat preoccupied with financial Armageddon.
Of course, there are the other 25% of divorces which happen because the father is having it off with other men, fucks off to Rhodesia and leaves mother & 3 kids with 9 months worth of unpaid mortgage and fuck all in the way of support.
Bad sandwich idea. Oh, let’s not go there….
I preferred the original version (women decides she fancies women). Reminds me of a film I saw once (or serveral films)….
Here’s an (un)interesting factoid. Britiain refers to the mainland or Scotland, Wales and England, Great Britain includes all the islands, and United Kingdom includes Northern Ireland.
Upshot is, when people say – as they invariably do – that it’s time to put the “Great” back into “Great Britain” they’re not being imperialist. Rather, they’re effectively calling for more respect to be shown towards the Isle of Man, the Channel Islands and all the other flotsam and jetsam that surround our oddly-shaped island.
And back to lurking.
@Hootie McBoob
I’m willing to bet that if tomorrow’s HYS topic was “Should Commie Muslim Paedo R
Whoopsie. What I was saying was…
I’m willing to bet that if tomorrow’s HYS topic was “Should Commie Muslim Paedo Robots be allowed to live in your shed?” maledicti would claim to have four of them already squatting in his. And two of them in his wheelie bin. The lying tit.
@Speed Bump and Tw@basket – I always understood that the largest island of the British Isles is termed “Great” because it is by far the largest island, in the same way that, for instance, Great Nicobar Island is the largest of the Nicobar Islands and similar to the way that Grand Cayman is the largest of the Cayman Islands. It never occured to me that the people who coined the term were bigging us up. I’m not getting all GREAT Britain on you – I’m not especially proud to be British and, in a passive sort of way, I’d just as soon have been born elsewhere* – it just seems a bit harsh to knock a geographical description. Maybe I always understood incorrectly though.
*I am a miserable twat, mind, so I suppose things would piss me off wherever I was. Incidentally, this blog provides a considerable amount of solace. Been reading it for about two years now and Nelson, I’m genuinely in awe of you. So thanks.
Me too. Anyone know what has happened to them? I missed several posts because of the blah filter. Have they just faded away or did they leave with statements of intent?
I fancy Serena Williams but am heroically not walking out on my partner to live that particular dream. Guess I must be a man.
Of course it would be lovely to stone women to death for the slightest little potential indiscretion, but in the equally sane words of Mr Flibble, “Who’d clean up the mess?”
The first commenter was Mad From Barking, is he still around or did he fuck off to somewhere?
I seem to remember that the Great in Great Britain is to distinguish it from Brittany, which is also known as Little Britain (not to be confused with the TV series).
Although I imagine that if you aired this theory in Brittany, you’d get your mug smashed.
I always wondered what was so “great” about Great Uncle Bulgaria too. The arrogant twat.
Pick up yer own s#$t the next time!
Countries whose names claim that the country is what it patently is not:
- German Democratic Republic (a.k.a. East Germany)
- People’s Republic of China (Or maybe I’ve got that wrong. Does saying you’re a “Republic” imply that you have open elections, etc.?)
Plus, and apropos of absolutely nothing, before I learned to speak French I always thought the Eurovision presenters were saying “Wyominie”.
(If we like all these countries so much, why don’t we… erm…)
Well, if you’re gonna tell one, tell it big. Where on the ballot paper did it say “Liblabcon (for a muslim majority country in two or three generations, seasonally adjusted figure)”?
@ HYL
you’re missing the point. He’s not saying you deserve it because you voted for LibLabCon. He’s saying you deserve it because you didn’t vote BNP.
What the hell were you thinking?
Nah, I came home and the cat was alive, nothing was missing, everything was in its place, all doors were on their hinges, nothing was broken and there were no new holes in the walls. Not even simmering.
Well, since you ask [FORGET IT! Nelson.]
@ pigfrottage
Hi p’frottage, truth is, I’m now hanging out with harp players and sandal-wearers, needed a change of scene.
(I do still dip in to the netherworld though, some habits are harder to shake than others.)
@millie-on-the-other-side
Nooooooooo!
Say it ain’t so.
Or UKIP! For pity’s sake don’t forget UKIP!
No. In JackPershing’s case it would certainly be BNP (or possibly the American Nazi Party), since he didn’t pick that username at random…
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/pershing.asp
Not sure where the “Britain is just the largest island / England-and-Wales but not Scotland” myths come from. HYL is right, these islands are Great Britain because they’re not Brittany. Cos otherwise, both are Bretagne in French.
Oh, and FYROM’s desire to call itself Macedonia goes hand in glove with its desire to nick a big chunk of Greek territory on the basis of historical bullshit. Personally I can understand why the Greeks are pissed off.
Lecture over.
There’s a wonderful scene in ‘the Alamo’ where arch commie-hater John Wayne, playing Davy Crockett, waxes lyrical about how wonderful the word, and concept of ‘Republic’ is. And I always want to look him in the eye and say “You ‘Republic’ as in ‘People’s Republic Of China’?”. And then run away.
But I can’t, because he’s dead. John Wayne, that is. And Davy Crockett too.
Apparently Davy Crockett may have surrendered at the Battle of the Alamo, and been executed afterwards. It’s a great line to throw at any texans you meet. They really appreciate it. As is the fact that half of the people defending the Alamo weren’t from Texas at all. One was from Wales.
I’m rambling. I’ll fuck off now.