Thanks to Ste for finding “growingtomp456″, who has got all wet-knickered over the idea that France might make it illegal to wear strings of onions a burka or niqab. He goes on a bit so I’ve edited him down through judicious use of the words “blah”, “barble”, “massive” and “turdgobbler”.
Well done France for [... blah blah barble blah blah ...] If the Muslims don’t like it they can go back to countries that have Muslim as their traditional [... blah barble blah massive turdgobbler ...]
Another reason why I think this new law is great. It will help with the terrorism issue. Many terrorists these days are Muslim. Furthermore, it will also help to get rid of the sick people which will cover their face in a veil, pretending to be a Muslim when really they are a peadophile. [... barble barble blah ...]
growingtomp456
Fucking paedo terror-fiddlers with their fucking paedo wank-curtains. Where will this end?? Am I safe just because I’m over 18? Must I live in permanent fear of slot-eyed burkapedes and jiggly-cassocked priests?? How can I trust anyone whose penis I can’t see??!?
Might have to go for a lie down. I’ll leave my cock out so you can check I’m not masturbating furiously.
108 Responses to “Wrong Curtains”
I can sympathise with growingtomp456. I got married a few months ago. I was all excited about it – the prospect of having a live-in punchbag is enough to make anyone hard – so you can imagine my amazement and disappointment when I brushed the veil aside to reveal a paedophile!
I’m embarrassed to take him out in public and, to top it off, his winky is longer than mine. It’s a very unsatisfactory situation. This would never happen in france!
Ahem. It’s peadophile, BaymsWrine. A person who abuses peas (or, I assume, any other pulse). Will you please pay attention?
His brain’s like a cement mixer for ideas, always associating and combining, associating and combining. I imagine he likes to start the day with a cup full of tea, and toast and toothpaste.
I want to go and rape some lentils, but I can’t find a burka anywhere.
Guess I’ll just have to lie here quietly fantasising about Jennie Bond instead.
bastard medication, fucked up my blockquotes.
Do keep up That Bloke, there are no sick people only malingerers, health tourists and those on long term disability benefit who only cover their faces to avoid being photographed rassling alligators, running triathlons or running a window cleaning business on the side.
He’s not even thought it through, the fucking halfwit. Why would paedophiles disguise themselves as something equally as evil as themselves?
Peas are not actually a pulse but a legume. Sort it out, yeah? If i’m right.
@ Barndad
Strictly speaking that would depend if they were dry or not. If I’m right…
Can anyone confirm or deny if peados like it dry or not at all?
Because our nanny state lets Muslims hang around in pools with blacked out windows. OF COURSE THEY’RE KIDDY FIDDLING!!!!111!!1
I’m hoping that the possibility of female Muslim paedophiles will occur to him and cause him to explode.
Maybe he’s just taking the peas?
Why would you pretend to be a Muslim when really you’re a paedophile? Surely being a Muslim is a much worser crime?
It’s worserer.
Could you do it less quietly?
Can anyone confirm or deny if peados like it dry or not at all?
Don’t know about Peado’s/Paedo’s liking it dry, but Elton does dry or not at all.
Mines the orange Kagoul on the second peg, it is raining out there.
aaarrgh, another blockquote fail, these meds are shit.
lol @ BaymsWrine
@ That Bloke in the corner
Oh dear. That is all.
I’m not sure that your collection of Sylvanian Families action figures actually count as people.
Like the capitalisation of “Wife”, though. Massive respect and all that.
@That Bloke In The Corner… you’re still fuckin’ contagious, you are. You really should get some better medication and stop infecting innocent people.
I looove the way all the usual Have-Your-Daily-Rage-Purge threads are clogged with people hollering, “Yeah! This is the best news I’ve read in months! Fucking Yeah! Stick it to those Muslim Cunts! Awesome decision! Rip her veil off and spit in her evil, brown face.”
Buuuut, as good, straight-talking, xenophobic bigots, they all feel obliged to preface their orgasm with “I’ve never been a big fan of the French, but this time…”
Fucking French and their fucking onions. It’s political correctness gone mad!
I like the bit where he talks about muslims and peados.
I mean, any paedo can wear an XL burka and abuse a child under it while walking around, doing shopping etc.
And if yoy tried to do something, the PC brigade would throw you in Belmarsh prison for 300 years and call you a racist WHEN YOU’RE ONLY THINKING OF THE CHILDREN (thinking about their safety i mean, i’m not a pedo)
If you look hard enough, you can spot a paedo by looking at their chin. That’s why they hide it with veils.
It’s actually quite ingenious.
I’ve found the chin-indicator to be quite hit and miss actually. Far more reliable is a preference for tinted spectacles (Reactolite).
I came to this conclusion after the Sun newspaper once had a full-page spread of paedo pics and 68% of them were wearing them. Fact.
I’ve often thought that there should be street sculptures of fat chicks in burkas. They would be a sort of novelty postbox: people would post their letters through the slot in the veil.
It would help people get used to the idea of having people in burkas around the place. (That, or Muslim women would get an awful lot of unwanted mail.)
I’ve got an instinct for spotting paedos. I find that if they’re fucking kids, chances are it’s a nonce.
@ Fox Bummer:
Darky Muslim postboxes sexually abusing peas?
IT’S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.
Fucking French.
S’alright mate. I’ll take your word for it.
Pedo is spanish for fart.
Si vous aimez des burqas tellement, vous devriez aller et vivre là.
So a Spanish pedophile is someone who goes around smelling people’s bottoms at a bean-eating festival, eh?
While we’re on this fascinating linguistic aside, did you know that there is such a book as “Lo cunto de li cunti”, written by a certain Giovan Battista Basile? Fact.
(Cunto = dialect form of canto = The Song of Songs)
They should all be made to wear pedometers
I look like a wimp and I can spot a pedotrichin a mile off.
Sweet as the moment when the pod went pop
I believe it was Captain Birdseye that came up with that barely disguised piece of peadophile code. Can it be mere coincidence that Birdseye refuses to make pork fishfingers?
I think we should be told.
Yes, it is a mere coincidence that Birdseye refuses to make pork fishfingers, and it has nothing to do with the fact that pigs aren’t fish.
So why don’t they make salmon fishfingers, eh? Tell me!
@Newt
If that was a joke, please explain.
If it was ignorance, please click.
Pigs don’t have fingers and neither do fish. This is the reason why EU regulations mandate that sausages are not called “pork fingers”. So far, all well and good, but why does the Fish Marketing Board (a wholly owned subsidiary of the Icelandic secret services, by the way) get to tell such whopping pork pies as “fish fingers” and how can a product which is 80% potato and 15% breadcrumbs be called “fish cakes”? More to the point, can you even make pork pies out of fish or are the Pork Marketing Board in on this as well? I am getting confused and paranoid again. I can hear them all talking about me in the freezer.
@Newt
I think you are onto something big here. Suffice to say – when Capt. Birdseye was writing jingles, he shared a cubicle with a then unknown writer of advertising catchphrases. That sloganeer was a certain Salmon Rushdie.
Since the popular phrase is purely about flying pigs and makes no mention of swimming, I think pigs can quite easily be fish.
I’m reminded of the James Bond film Porkfinger, in which the evil Muslim genius Porkfinger attempts to set off a nuclear bomb at Fort Knox and irradiate the world’s pork reserves. The subsequent dearth of bacon sarnies triggering the collapse of Western civilisation. Naturally, 007 thwarts Porkfinger’s machinations with but seconds to spare. Hurrah!
Pigs don’t have fingers, you say? How, then, do you explain the existence of the pork cut known as pig’s knuckles? Answer me that.
Clearly it is a conspiracy orchestrated by the all powerful Gefilte Fish to confuse and confound the pork eaters. Who knows how deep this goes? Next thing we know it could turn out that sausages are actually made from minced up arseholes.
Mmmmmm. Gefilte fish.
Oh and behold.. the sea piglet!
What? Sausages are made from senior Labour and Tory politicians? You’re talking madness!
Selected quotes from Porkfinger:
Sorry for the diversion, but in other news it turns out our ‘Scott’ (remember the military expert/obsessed gamer who was so fond of his ‘heat weapons’ and ‘sound weapons’?) may have had a point after all: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/10646540. Maybe the military really DOES check HYS for strategy tips after all…
Wow, I finished two consecutive sentences with ‘after all’ – piss poor effort, sorry.
@ new scientist
Covered in piss indeed. That’s how someone I used to know would finish a story if it appeared people were losing interest.
“So, then Porkfinger said to me, ‘that’s not right’ and….and we all ended up covered in piss.”
Slip it into conversation sometimes, works wonders.
I used to work in a shop and picked up a few ways to amuse myself when people aren’t really listening to you. Try replacing the word ‘cheers’ with ‘jizz’. Say it as clearly and seriously as possible, see if you get a reaction.
…it’s really fucking dull working in a shop.
I was in a cheese shop once and a man came in and said, very loudly: “Ugh, it stinks of jizz in here.” He is my hero.
I was in a cheese shop once and a man came in and said, very loudly, “I’d like some cheese.” Except the guy behind the counter didn’t have any (apart from some runny Camembert, which it turned out the cat had eaten).
Why is this thread NOT about calling some HYSer a cunt?
I’m calling out Fox Bummer as HYL – do I win a prize?
Also fun: during interviews, be sure to mention that you keep abreast of cunt affairs. They love it.
Um, yes. As someone pointed out, the total absence of posts from Have Your Lurk whenever I change my name rather gives the game away. I have at least managed not to mention Sandra Bullock, though. (This is an example only and does not count.)
I kind of like this new name, though. Fox Bummer. There’s a sort of judo feel to it. The blah filter accuses me of bumming foxes, but by claiming that title I am using the blah filter’s own strength against it. Which won’t of course change any actual blahification of my posts, but that’s Zen judo for you.
Oh, and Ripoff Britian – did you sign something that said “I promise to faithfully take the piss out of HYSers, and only do that, yea, so sue me if I don’t”? People’s posts are what they are. (Deep… Zen judo at work again.)
But, just to show willing: growingtomp456 is a cunt.
How is banning the burka going to help prevent terrorism? If those muslims no longer wear their special clothes how are we now going to spot them as terrorists?
Surely we should be making them ALL wear burkas, then we know who all the terrorists are?
Either that, or ban the burka and, instead, make them all wear a big sign saying ‘I’m a terrorist peado-bomber’
After having read the whole of growingtomp456′s post, I can confirm that he is borderline illiterate, stupid, racist and a complete cock. The post in question was the only one that he has ever posted using this ID. This makes me wonder if he is one of those BNP arseholes who think that a)posting racist bollocks on HYS will make a positive difference in their strive to get rid of all the forriners from the UK and b) that changing their user ID’s regularly will keep the secret police from knocking on their doors. Like that John Adair twat.
Molehill is spot on. The problem with these twats is that they hate people who look different for looking different but they are paranoid that people who they might want to discriminate against might not be visible enough to be picked on easily.
Once you are on their shit-list you can’t win. You are either failing to integrate or your are The Hidden Menace. If these bastards had their way they would make everybody wear the same clothes and then pin different coloured badges on them so that they could tell them apart. I seem to recall that this ended rather badly the last time it was tried.
Sorry, that was all rather serious. Can we go back to discussing fish fingers?
@Mark Commode
With your rather good James Bond/Q dialogue concerning a peashooter, are you making some sort of very deep statement about peadophiles?
This could be the best one ever. Islamophobia mixed with being mean to blind people:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1295749/Muslim-bus-drivers-refuse-let-guide-dogs-board.html
Particularly when viewed with this helpful comment:
What, let the dogs wear burkhas?
No, you buffoon. The bus-drivers.
From the ‘Should all legal highs be banned?’ thread:
Hahahahaha! ‘If anyone in government reads… HYS’ – Hahahahaha!! (I just wee’d a bit.)
A couple of good comments from the “is the BBC value for money thread
and
Excellent
Actually, in mining villages in the 1800s just about everyone was black. Coal mines do that to you.
It appears that Ireland has its very own Richard Littlejohn. Ladies & gents, I give you Ian O’Doherty of the Irish Independent.
I’d always kind of suspected that Iano was a barking racist cunt, but in today’s column he’s rather obligingly provided us with a genuine, seen-in-the-wild sighting of IYLISMWDYGLT (it’s near the end):
Aaah, Tim you prick, I was just about to post that one from ‘Gillian’.
Fiver on Gillian’s favourite ‘good British’ film being This Is England. Another fiver on her totally missing the point of the film, and cheering when that black fellow gets his head kicked in.
Also you’d think that as Gillian is (presumably) one o’ them feminine creatures, she’d realise that women aren’t a minority, and their inclusion in dramas cannot possibly be the result of politeecaw conrectniss gorn madd,.
I don’t want one.
Squatting toilets really are filthy and unhygienic. Not like the glorious porcelian thrones we use as public toilets. You know, the ones where you have to sit on a plastic rim covered in piss that hundreds of people have rubbed their genitals on.
I think many people have confused burkas with ninja costumes and so believe they bestow the wearer with special stealth powers. Removed of their magical garb they are easily identifiable by, well, you know – it’s obvious.
I always find the belt containing numerous sticks of dynamite a giveaway.
Hurrah! Admiral Topsy is back, I recommend him highly!!
@Kris
I rather think that all public toilets without exception are filthy and unhygienic, if they’re not cleaned regularly.
What surprises me is that Rochdale Exchange Market felt they had to justify their choice of one toilet over another. Were I Rochdale Exchange Market, my attitude would be, “We’re paying for these fucking toilets for the public to shit and piss on, and these are the ones we’ve chosen ‘cos basically we can just hose ‘em down at the end of the day and it makes it easier for us, so fuck off and take a crap at home if you don’t like it.” Or something along those lines. (Nothing racist here, you understand. You get the same toilet whether you’re black, white, or candy-striped. In fact, why do toilet manufacturers use white porcelain, anyway? And why are turds the same colour as brown people? It’s racism innit. White = clean. Brown = dirty. It’s subliminal racism, is what it is.)
…Yes, it’s the straitjacket, how did you guess?
Now, if only Joy would get out of her cherry brandy stupour and return to HYS…
Pedo.
And toilets that allow you to do your business without touching anything, or rubbing your trousers and underwear on the bulk as you sit on it, are in fact more hygenic. But why should that stop you from having a go at muslims? Cunt.
Better for piles too.
…and it’s easier on the cleaner too, but fuck him, he’s probably gonna use the time saved from cleaning the toilet to install hidden piss-cams the fucking pedo, and joining radical islamic organisations seeing how efficient their toilets are.
I will say this, however: try being a heavily pregnant woman and using a squat toilet. A heavily pregnant woman of my close acquaintance has pointed out to me that said squat toilet cannot be squatted on without assistance from one (1) friend to stop you from overbalancing and rubbing your genital regions on those corrugated parts of said squat toilet upon which paedos stand with their Doc Martens after deliberately treading in dog shit from a selection of Muslim-bred dogs all day long. Not to mention the cumstains on the flusher handle.
So there!!!
Is it just me or has Lurk got very bitter and twisted since the Blah Filter Incident?
Still not as funny as Kris though.
The biggest disadvantage of squatter toilets is that it is next to impossible to take a crap and vomit at the same time.
1-0 to the porcelain throne.
A jewish member of the BNP, whatever next!
How about a Jewish BNP councillor?
http://www.somethingjewish.co.uk/articles/1009_bnp_jewish_win.htm
How exactly do you crap and vomit at the same time on a WC toilet, without one or the other spilling on the floor? Assuming you’re not talking out your rear end, that is?
If the BNP win the next election, will she deport herself or just stick her head in her gas cooker, with the gas on full?
The mind boggles!
There’s a few gems on that thread from Joshua Goldblum; he really is a bucephalus, bouncing, bubonic badger’s bolock.
@Fox Bummer
You can vomit in the space between your legs and the toilet seat – open your legs wide enough and there is not too much toilet seat besmirchment. Some flannelling of your private parts might be in order afterwards.
You can’t argue with the facts.
Aye. You couldn’t make it up.
You’ve got to respect a man who has to shit and hurl at the same time often enough to have worked out a system.
Many thanks to Theodore:
This site works wonders as an appetite suppressant.
The Government should force the councils to provide dual purpose facilities for those afflicted by “simultaneously turbulent loose bowel and digestive disorder.” Also known as, “Shit from one end and spew from the other” illness.
Ah, the level this debate has sunk to takes me right back to when I was, er, ten.
“Oh, but the darkies are going to out breed the white indigenous population!”
Not if Boris Johnson has his way (again) by all accounts.
New trainers as well? Fucking hell, I mean money, a car, expensive house and a cellphone are fair enough, but new bloody trainers? That’s taking the piss.
At least he didn’t put a flat-screen TV on that ridiculous list. Usually the cunts really get pissed off with the idea that the indigent & immigrunts are actually allowed to watch the telly.
Also known as, “Shit from one end and spew from the other” illness.
And for those who do both from either end there is always HYS, or Clameregg’s replacement for the petition site (codenamed: spunk-well).
Ian O’Doherty seems to have Littlejohn’s talent for omitting any pertinent facts that might put whatever he’s talking about into context. Looking at the bbc article he most likely cribbed from, alongside Rochdale Exchanges own website, we find:
Only 2 of the 14 toilets are squatting toilets (1 male + 1 female). If you’re ‘shocked’ at finding a squatting toilet, then you can just go into the next cubicle instead. There is probably signage that lets you go straight to the appropriate lav and ignore the others.
Squatting toilets vary in their degree of sophistication. In developing countries they can be little more than troughs or ditches. The design of Rochdales pans seem to be more akin to continental lavvies placed at ground level.
Rochdale Exchange are big on their eco-friendliness. The initial consultation began when they were finding loads of discarded plastic bottles in the toilets, left by those who prefer to clean themselves with water. We could call them Muslims, but they might not all be Muslims. It’s also possible that people may have attempted to squat over sitting toilets with unfortunate results to the surrounding tiles, but I am only surmising). The squatting toilets have a water thingy that lets people clean woosh their tush, if they wish.
So, they identified a problem and implemented a solution. An alternative solution might have been to have a load of signs forbidding people from bringing water bottles, squatting etc. but they would have been more intrusive, unfriendly and would incur costs to enforce.
Apart from being an efficient fact-filter, other things this O’ Doherty has in common with Littlejohn are: 1. moans about the state of the UK while not actually living there; 2. A face so smelly that on hot days, it makes the neighbours sick.
The middle 5 paras in my above comment should have been in an ordered list but it got filtered out. Something also went wrong with blockquotes in the first sentence. Makes it even harder to read. Sorry.
He’ll have to have his way at quite an impressive rate.
They could call such a device the Deque-chair .
Forgive the digression (or idée fixe, perhaps), but after writing,
..back there, I found the following, extracted from a CiF thread (subject irrelevant);
I’m going to start collecting these..
At the supermarket yesterday, the check-out girl made a mistake on the till which I spotted (I’d never buy TWO whole sticks of celery). While waiting for the manager to come sort it out a sour-faced Mrs Adair-type behind me in the queue muttered something about not being English and not taking care.
I had a sneaky suspicion of what she was getting at (gorgeous girl on the till had dark skin) but it was mumbled so I couldn’t be sure so didn’t react.
Having had a good night’s sleep and in the warm light of day, I’m pretty sure I understood it right. So if miracles happen and you’re reading this and recognise yourself as the Mrs Adair-character I’d just like to say: you’re a dead ferret’s fucking festering ringpiece.
As a completely new pet owner I like all the important information here. I really want my furry friend to get well trained and have a healthy environment to live in. Thanks for the tips.