Miscellaneous Prats and Permanently Bewildered02 Aug 2010 09:30 am

Hole

By Dizzy

Thanks to Patrick W.

Remember Dennis Junior? There was a man who warmed the cockles of my heart with his detailed and conscientious responses to HYS questioning. He showed that it’s not winning the racism, it’s the taking part that counts.

Now, imagine Dennis Junior as a complete twat. That would be Toad in the Hole. He’s very much a corgi’s anus, but very thorough with it – no question gets left un-wanked on. The difference between Dennis Junior and Toad in the Hole is that mingled in with the desire to respond to every single question posed on HYS – even if he himself admittedly knows fuck all or doesn’t give a shit – is the equally strong desire to air his docile, simplistic, wanky opinions on everything he might think he knows something about.

Should stars get involved with politics?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

Will the Afghanistan leaks affect security?

No idea.
Toad in the Hole

Is the TV portrayal of gay and lesbian people fair?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

What impact will Argentina’s legalising of gay marriage have?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

He can have an opinion, though. It’s not all apathy and mole-like vision.

Will aid help improve security?

Will aid help improve security? No.
Toad in the Hole

Which UK city would be most worthy of culture award?

None, they’re all hell holes rife with crime, drugs, gangs and Labour voters.
Toad in the Hole

Yeah, a sense of humour always helps. I’m not sure if Toad in the Hole started off as a Dennis Junior and ended up being corroded by the flecks of spit on HYS, or whether he’s just another high-functioning literalist with a laptop and a modem. But you know, at least he has a sense of irony…

Should you be anonymous online?

People who post anonymously normally have something to hide.
Toad in the Hole

But not, you eh, Toad? Or should I just call you Mr. or Mrs. Hole? Odd though, considering all that we know about you after reading through your comments on your profile, we still don’t know your name, age, gender, where you live, what you do for a living, if you’re married or if you have kids. In fact, one would assume that you’re anonymous. Or that you’re very clever and you’re being a very smart little iron, instead of a ridiculous parody of a human being.

Don’t assume though – you make a twat out of yourself. Or no, wait – you don’t do that by assuming things. You do that by saying things like this:

No matter what the religion or sexually orientation is, Britain is full. We cannot cope with the population we have now. People here today are losing their jobs, their homes and their dignity, while at the same time 1000′s of immigrants continue to arrive, why?
Toad in the Hole

I don’t know. Perhaps the next post you made can answer that tricky question – after all this, I’ve been dying to hear how you think we should contribute to society.

I Work for living, don’t scrounge off the state and don’t commit crimes nor participate in anti social activates.
Toad In The Hole

Yeah, that’d be it. It’s your job. Literally, mate, it’s your specific job. After all, in what other country could you get a job where one of the main duties is to post twenty fucking times, every single fucking day, including weekends, on every single fucking topic that appears on HYS, including stuff you know fuck all about, stuff you don’t give a shit about, and stuff you think you know about, but which, in reality, you know fuck all about?

Well, Britain. And probably Narnia. But I heard they deal with immigrants quite harshly there.

30 Responses to “Hole”

  1. on 02 Aug 2010 at 9:50 am   Debbie

    I’d be willing to bet this guy sniffs bicycle seats as his primary hobby.

  2. on 02 Aug 2010 at 10:00 am   World peace and so on

    Nick Griffin…is that you?

  3. on 02 Aug 2010 at 10:35 am   Oaf

    I’d be willing to bet this guy sniffs bicycle seats as his primary hobby.

    You make it sound as if there is something wrong with that.

  4. on 02 Aug 2010 at 10:38 am   Have Your Lurk

    So, remind me. Why should we care about this Toad in the Hole cunt?

  5. on 02 Aug 2010 at 10:54 am   Debbie

    Oaf – point well made…..

    *runs away*

  6. on 02 Aug 2010 at 11:19 am   Aslan

    Would you fucking lay off Narnia you cunts. Being the sodding lion over-lord of a whole fucking nation ain’t easy when being dissed by a load of wankers who think they know better than you. The last 4 sons-of-fucking-Adam and daughters-of-bloody Eve we had in here, we made them fucking Kings and Queens! And you arseholes get all shirty when you hand over a couple of fucking houses and flat screen TV’s.

  7. on 02 Aug 2010 at 11:22 am   Al

    Debbie, Oaf, I think you’ll find that (in half the cases) its against Space Corps Directive 196156…

  8. on 02 Aug 2010 at 1:28 pm   Debbie

    Al – doesn’t that only apply to gymnasiums? If this is true, your 50:50 argument is fundamentally flawed…

    KaBOOM!

  9. on 02 Aug 2010 at 1:30 pm   Dean Cramvoid

    If that is his real name, then his initialised name is T.I.T. Hole.

    Think about it.

  10. on 02 Aug 2010 at 1:39 pm   Al

    Tushé, Debbie…

  11. on 02 Aug 2010 at 1:50 pm   Undemocratic Speed Bump

    @ Dean

    Sorry, I think you meant: ‘think of it.’

    As for Hole in the Toad, I’m thinking he’s a parody of a human being, as this next answer is straight from Gareth out of The Office:

    Is it important to get historical facts right? Err, very important

    But anyway, we’re not actually allowing Toad to Have His Say about his inane and endless posts. Come on Toad, why did you comment “I don’t care” about stars getting involved in politics?

    because I wanted to

    Yeah, well that told us. Because he fucking wanted to, alright?

  12. on 02 Aug 2010 at 2:03 pm   t'otherone

    Sorry to digress, but ian cheese is back on HYS with a gem on the ‘Would you help a child in danger?’ thread.

    At 11:24am on 02 Aug 2010, ian cheese wrote:
    Absolutely. I was once at Tesco & I saw that a schoogirl was comletely enamoured of a book that I knew her mother would not buy for her nor afford, so I just slipped her a tenner & told her to go for it & walked away. I then suddenly realised that my kindness might have been misconstrued. It is owing to the politically correct climate today that one can fall foul of doing a good turn.

  13. on 02 Aug 2010 at 2:07 pm   Have Your Lurk

    I was there and I saw the whole thing. Book was called “It’s OK to Love an Adult”.

  14. on 02 Aug 2010 at 2:35 pm   Undemocratic Speed Bump

    @ t’otherone

    Ah Cheese. That’s a wierder message board than usual, split between paranoid dickheads and aren’t-I-great dickheads. Oh, and this guy:

    Chris A few weeks ago I walked past when a child tripped over and gashed his knee open. I am a fully trained First Aider. A few years ago I would not have thought twice about intervening to assist someone in distress. Nowadays I would not even consider going near a suffering individual with a 50ft bargepole. They could die for all I care.
    That is exactly the attitude that the PC/do-good brigades have engendered.
    Moral standards have declined to such a level that I don’t even bother holding doors open for anyone anymore, for fear that it is misconstrued as something discriminatory.
    I have been transformed from being a gentleman into an ignorant pig in 13 years of Labour tinkering.

  15. on 02 Aug 2010 at 3:15 pm   barndad

    @USB.
    Ive yet to see a better examples of “im a dick, but its everyone else’s fault” than that comment.

  16. on 02 Aug 2010 at 3:59 pm   Male Chauvinist Pig

    How dare he call us pigs ignorant! We pigs are quite intelligent, you know. Oink.

  17. on 02 Aug 2010 at 4:22 pm   Philbert

    I am a fully trained First Aider. A few years ago I would not have thought twice about intervening to assist someone in distress. Nowadays I would not even consider going near a suffering individual with a 50ft bargepole.

    This has to be good news, both for the injured party and for the manufacturers of First Aid boxes, who no longer have to find ways to accommodate 17m+ lengths of wood. And sterilising the bastard things is a nightmare.

  18. on 02 Aug 2010 at 4:31 pm   Guardianistani

    Tch. It’s a sorry state of affairs when you can’t even groom an underage girl in the supermarket without the PC brigade leaping down your throat.

  19. on 02 Aug 2010 at 4:44 pm   Male Chauvinist Pig

    Mother of fuck. It’s just occurred to me that I’m SYB’s Toad in the Hole.

    Think about it. (Or think of it, if you prefer.)

  20. on 02 Aug 2010 at 5:00 pm   Have Your Lurk

    Ah. If you reread Male Chauvinist Pig as Have Your Lurk, it makes more sense. Sorry.

  21. on 02 Aug 2010 at 5:01 pm   Kris

    I have been transformed from being gentlemen into an ignorant pig in 13 years of Labour tinkering.

    Either he’s genuinely mental or he’s talking literally and this is a Doctor Who episode. When is that fit ginger bird getting here?

  22. on 02 Aug 2010 at 6:03 pm   Ugly Newt

    A spammer wrote:

    Well, this website looks way better than my aol blog. I think I might use WordPress aswell.What do you think? Regards.

    I think Toad in the Hole may have something relevant to say about this subject.

  23. on 02 Aug 2010 at 6:06 pm   Nachlader

    As soon as Kris mentioned Karen Gillian I instantly forgot the existence of irrepressible idiots like Mr. Hole and ian cheese. But only for a few seconds.

    Gillian is fucking wonderful.

  24. on 02 Aug 2010 at 6:29 pm   Tim nice but dim

    Rumplecockmunch.

  25. on 02 Aug 2010 at 6:45 pm   Kris

    @Nachlader

    I think it’s Gillan, but I actually meant Catherine Tate.
    The way my eardrums almost burst every time she speaks really gets me going.

  26. on 02 Aug 2010 at 7:11 pm   Tim nice but dim

    Helmetcheeser.

  27. on 02 Aug 2010 at 7:54 pm   Tim nice but dim

    Bell-end.

  28. on 02 Aug 2010 at 9:43 pm   Felix Castor

    I hate spammers.

    And the hacker who put the Cialis advert in this site’s metatext.

    And anyone who says I won’t get to shag Serena Williams.

    Her arse is amazing.

  29. on 02 Aug 2010 at 11:48 pm   Antigone

    Woh, hang on a minute! Toad in the Hole may neither know nor care about much but he does seem to know about “anti social activates”. Are they some kind of naked, drunk Robot Wars? Why haven’t I been invited?

  30. on 03 Aug 2010 at 1:20 pm   Throbbe

    I used to do good things until the do-gooders stopped me. Fucking fuck fuck fuck.