Cockroaches Floating In The Gene Pool
By GainsbourgLook, I’m going to level with you. I don’t like people. I think they’re brutal, selfish and stupid. Nevertheless, I sometimes wake up in the morning with the sun shining on my face, feeling almost at peace with the world, and in those moments I question myself. I think, am I the problem? Am I the one who needs to change?
Then I get up and take a look at HYS (currently asking: would you step in to help a child?) and BAM! Top two comments, pair of cunts.
You only need to read the ‘Sarahs law’ HYS to see why people are fearful!
I found a 4 year old wandering the streets near my old flat with no shoes on, in mid winter with snow on the ground. I had to stand on the pavement waiting for 20 minutes for the police to show up because I was so terrified of the implications of taking a half dressed kid inside to warm up. The kid nearly froze as a result.
Peter_Sym
No, I wouldn’t help. And yes I am concerned they would be abusive.
The problem nowadays, is that an adult is considered a threat to a child despite the adults good intentions.
Personally, I’d walk away, and if the child was hurt or abducted, then sorry, but not my fault. Blame the parents, government, society as a whole.
martin622
So the first two people we encounter on this thread are: a man who’s such a coward that he’d have watched a toddler freeze to death before risking any course of action with ‘implications’; and a complete monster who wouldn’t lose any sleep if he abandoned a child to some horrific fate, purely to make a point.
Extrapolate this result across the rest of our species. I feel vindicated. Equilibrium is restored.
71 Responses to “Cockroaches Floating In The Gene Pool”
Holy shit, that’s amazing, even for HYS. Just be glad that what people say and what they actually do in practice tend to be two different things.
Perhaps Peter_Sym and Martin622 are already on the register – maybe 622 is “Martin”‘s registration number. That’s why they’re so frightened of being caught again.
Or maybe they’re just complete hyenas’ hairyfordshires.
Me too…. and things. I don’t like people or things. Everything else is o.k.
I don’t like people, things, or intangible concepts.
Nice to see Peter Sym showing his broad understanding of everything and anything. It’s been a while and we missed him.
In Peter Sym’s world there’s no middle ground between leaving a child to freeze on the street and inviting them in for anal sex and cocoa. Give him your coat you quivering cyst!
I once read that stores threatened to boycott Nirvana’s Nevermind because you could see the babies danglies on the cover. In response, the band created stickers that read along the lines of “If you’re offended by this, you’re a closet paedophile.”
Peter_Sym, think of it!
Christonabike:
Middle ground – leave out the cocoa?
Cuger Brant has a new book out – he has apparently written an “updated” version of “A Christmas Carol” – and I quote:
A classic from a towering literary intellect. I’m off to digest some more of his powerful prose and deep werds.
Link here for your enjoyment.
Does he blow up the town again?
Well, so far he’s blown up his house, and that’s only on page 16!
That sounds awesome. That’s definitely on my Christmas list, right alongside a packet of Wilkinson Sword open blade razors.
From Brant’s latest opus
How badly must they have treated poor Mrs Martin if she incarcerated them in her shitehouse? And what did she feed them?
I’ve started reading Cuger’s latest effort.
Unfortunately, I lose the will to live every few sentences and have to regain it before I read on, meaning I’m getting through it very slowly.
It’s good though.
Seriously, buy his book. In a strange way it’s life affirming, because you now have absolute proof that somebody, somewhere, there’s a person who’s more of a dodo’s dripping dangly than you are!
Disclaimer: The above post excludes HYL.
P
Well that pokey out toungue smiley face didn’t work… PFOB.
Yes, but what if a puma was hiding behind the child and jumped out onto you while you were looking the other way?
Well, the puma would obviously eat the child first. Unless it didn’t want to be accused of being a puma paedophile, of course.
A puma? A Cuger shurely
I think Cuger’s oeuvre could be improved by the judicious use of emoticons. “No! It was not a court of law
”. He is fkn brilliant though
A Christmas Evening with Cuger (featuring Special Guest Sue Cook!) – that’s something I’d pay to attend.
You could just put “with Sue Cook”. No need to overstate it.
Is it known if this http://cugerbrant.co.uk/ is The CB?
Following the ‘Nanuk’ link on the left would suggest it is…
Jesus, how true. The sheer amount of times I’ve nearly been caught by the old helpless-child-being-used-as-bait-next-to-a-CCTV-camera trick. Just the other day I saw a child being pulled into the river by a crocodile and, naturally, my immediate reaction was to rush over and save him. Just in time I saw there was a CCTV camera capturing the whole scene! A close shave indeed. And then when the little bugger realised he wasn’t going to be saved he started screaming blue fucking murder, obviously. Is there any depths to which this nanny state will not sink?
Look at the mugshots of these men, strangely different to the latest killed in Afganistan, in fact much more like those that planted the IED’s.
Why are we sending our brave young lads off to war, whilst importing the scum of the earth to terrorise those left?
Be ashamed, SYB’ers
I love BBC HYS, it’s like a daily confidence booster. Whenever you’re feeling down and insignificant, be sure that you are more intelligent and useful than the BBC HYS commentators.
I like this idea. Let’s see:
Added depths indeed!
@tim
We are ashamed, of sharing a country with a clunge like you.
@Eleonora – See? A few smiley faces and hey presto – Anthony Burgess resurrected in Tunbridge Wells
Theres an elephant in the room, but i cant see it! must have been spending too much time on SYB.
I can see a massive elephant’s erect erogenous zone in the room…
@Clovis – Cuger’s insightful and fearless works will end up on the national curriculum one day, you mark my words. If this doesn’t happen, then I for one will be forced to conclude that no-one knows how to recognise genius any more. I mean, who could read the tale of The David and fail to be moved to tears? EMOTIONLESS ROBOTS, that’s who.
Tim,
Before you continue, please do the following:
1. Apply lots of fake tan.
2. Put on a burka or similar non-WASP garb.
3. Walk down the street. Any street will do, really, as long as there are some white people on it.
Then come back and we’ll listen to what you have to say.
Because they fucking volunteered, now fuck off. I don’t give a shit if you think you’re being subversive and ironic; everyone thinks you’re a cunt.
I was going to post those Mail comments here, but then I realised there’s nothing funny about them, they’re just fucking depressing. You’re depressing.
/vent
Cuger! Cuger!
The vocabulary!
The dangling participles!
The pointless repetition!
But most of all, the adverbs! The adverbs! THE ADVERBS!
And incidentally, Cugar’s latest opus has about as much to do with Dickens’s A Christmas Carol as Stephen Hawking with a DVD of Debbie Does Dallas.
And incidentally, Cugar’s latest opus has about as much to do with Dickens’s A Christmas Carol as Stephen Hawking with a DVD of Debbie Does Dallas.
Tim – read and learn.
Or fuck off, I care not which!
Now imagine these above the top para if you will.
razz
What a pr1ck. Nothing more to be said.
Now to Cugar.
Hmm, Brant’s prose has all the subtlety and grace of a tank repair manual.
And there is wild abuse of quotation marks.
blah blah blah foxes blah
Oh bumsy, is the blah filter on?
Cuger looked avidly but cautiously at the child, he stared uneasily. The small girl wasn’t wearing, that is wasn’t ‘clothed’ in, any shoes and she wandered unaccompaniededly through the snow ‘barefoot’.
‘I wish to aid you’ Cugar muttered to himself, talking quietly alone. ‘But there is a CCTV camera atop this street and I would not wish to be mistook, I would not want to be seen as, a nonce.’ He decided it was his perogative to watch over the half clothed child wandering through the snow as she wandered through Baker Street. No! It was not a bakery.
At that moment the cat walked in erroneously and cocked a ‘snoop’. The thought entered his mind; ‘By gum’.
TO BE DISCONCERTEDLY CONTINUED(?)
Risk is a brilliant published writer who is not me, please look for his work.
Regards,
Risk
Kris
Just think. Cuger Brant himself is probably reading this thread, right now, after feverishly googling himself to gauge the tsunami of critical acclaim of his new book.
I just want to say: Cugar, thanks. My employer has paid me a lot of money to read your work.
@HYL
Speaking of tautology and pointless repetition, I particularly liked this effort:
It made me LOL.
Then again, if Dan “The famous man looked at the red cup” Brown can find fame and fortune why not dear old Cuger?
If Cuger is reading SYB: Sir, we salute you. Amazingly, Dan Brown teaches creative writing, s’true. Think on.
@Mal
Don’t forget Stephanie ‘the air filtered down greenly through the leaves’ Meyer.
There should be a genre for these masters of adverbs and inability to construct a basic sentence.
OK, I take it back
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10852707
I’m only on the preface and I’m already grinning like a man leaving a child to freeze to death in the snow, safe in the knowledge the paedo-patrol can’t nab him.
What, someone please, is sci-fi about A Christmas Carol?
@USB – it’s the time travel, obviously. Cuger, with his superior brane, has reinterpreted the text in new and enlightening ways that enable those of us of feeble intellect to “digest the moral and spirituality of the prose”.
@eleanora_
Ah, that’d be it. Obviously. I thought he was referring to all the genetically-engineered frogs and pigs and rats etc in the story.
Whoever gets past page 16 (truly wonderful, I don’t want to spoil it by reading on), could they let me know if Rebecca ever gives Luke the blowjob he so clearly wants.
Thank you Cugar, thank you.
Hey! I didn’t even know that they’d taken the Tower of London away. It’s health and safety gone mad, just to please the politically correct brigade. I bet it was the vegetarians, possibly in league with, I dunno, the Hindoos, trying to stop thousands of years of Beefeating and Yeoman Wardening.
Damn right they should bring it back, every bloody stone, and in good time for the Olympics.
It is vital, of course, that should they bring back the Tower of London stone by stone they should use the correct manual handling techniques as taught by those in the know. And in front of a CCTV camera for good measure.
I think you’re being a bit harsh on Peter Sym. As well as the PaedoFinder General being onto him, he wouldn’t want the White Witch to find out he’s been aiding a Daughter of Eve.
I went out with a girl named Eve once.
The kid’s not mine! I’d had far too much to drink.
List of things we want back (Whether they have actually been stolen or not, goddamit!):
* The Tower of London
* The Isle of Wight
* The Palace of Westminster
* The Museum of Docklands
* The Duke of Edinburgh
* The University of Manchester
* The Institute of Chartered Accountants
List of things we don’t want back:
* Soda Stream
* Haemorrhoids
* Blah filter
* Dim Tim
tw@tbasket’s list makes a lot of sense…
:idea
I would like to add Heinz toast toppers to things I do not want back.
Thusly…
For people who don’t want the blah filter back, you’re kind of going the wrong way about it. Come on, lads, if even I can shoehorn my posts into the lefty-humour straitjacket of SYB, surely you can keep onside?
Think of it
Cuger! Cuger! I cream my literary knickers for your adverbs.
(Yup. “She smiling”.)
Cuger: you da man.
Speak for yourself, tw@tbasket, I loved my Soda Stream. I miss spending a fortune on flat pop that never quite tasted like it was meant to.
Findus Crispy Pancakes, on the other hand- they can go foof.
Where can I buy Cuger Brants books? I want one for all my enemies.
You Lefties have been used as suckers
http://www.henrymakow.com/160303.html
Read it and weep suckers, although most of you are too thick to understand. All these years of Lefty rule and what have we left, council houses being repossesed if you earn a living wage, husband and wife both forced to work to pay the bills, massive jobs cuts and then benfit reductions when you finally need them, services slashed and tax rises and the greatest rich/poor divide in the history of the country.
Still, you still have Speak your branes and it’s humour, laughing at those that criticise the system. Will you still be laughing when the system turns on you?
Fuck my hat
Er, yes. That’s rather the point of council housing, you see.
Tim, has it occurred to you at all that life is just a hard fucking slog no matter who’s in government? Roll that thought around in your head for a moment. Lord knows you’ve got room for it.
Well Tim, you’re certainly holding the “dim” part.
Henry Makow also believes that it’s the Illuminati who are behind all this, the Protocols of the Elders of Zion are authentic and international banking are ruled by a Satanic/Masonic conspiriacy.
He’s also staunchly anti-feminist, probably on the grounds that his Internet bride dumped him.
He’s reccomended by David Icke …
I’ve always thought that the Illuminati et al. aren’t very good at this world domination thing. Someone should give them an Axis and Allies set for Christmas. They might learn something from it.
DimTim:
It’s not about laughing at those who criticise the system. It’s about laughing at those who think all its problems have simple causes (eg. “too many immigrants”, “the nanny-state”), and that the solutions, which seem obvious to them (eg. “vote BNP”, “abolish all laws that inconvenience me”), are also so off-the-wall and radical that the only way to get them implemented is to keep adding them to the racket on internet messageboards.
It’s also about reminding you that you’re a fruitbat’s frotbits.
@Tim,
I read that article. I did weep too, through laughter; it is true comedy gold all the way to the end, when it declares “There are no lifeboats.”
Wise words indeed.
From TimBulb’s link, a comment:
Awesome, isn’t it.
By the way, can we agree to refer to him as TimBulb from now on? It’s LOL-tastic.
Just you wait. I’m going to file my bloody horns ’til they’re razor sharp, and then we’ll see who’s smiling…