Permanently Bewildered and Shit Sherlocks11 Aug 2010 09:42 am
By Dizzy
On the scale of trying to find excuses not to do stuff (I’ve yet to find a name for it because I can’t find the time to sit down and think about it) HYS reaches its very zenith when they discuss free milk for the under fives.
Let us be realistic here. The issue of milk is to children under the age of 5. Have you ever given a drink to a child that age? Unless totaly supervised, the child is more likely spill it or simply leave it. Its far better to give milk to children at home and under proper supervision.
mildenhalljohn
Well, you got me. Can’t fault that argument.
Really, I can’t. It’s so fucking stupid I can’t think of anything to say in response.
63 Responses to “Whining Over Spilt Milk”
First. Blah.
On the subject of the talks in Pakistan:
What’s an immigration shuttle? Is it like a space shuttle, except brown because it carries forrins rather than glorious white people?
I have a 5 year old coming around my house in 1 hour (not nefarious purposes I assure you) I shall test out mildenhalljohns hypothesis thoroughly by not supervising the child at all.
To make it a bit more interesting I shall leave all the sockets unbared, my razor lying around, some sharp knives, a pan of boiled water and skilfully loosen a few wires.
Lets see what gets the kid first.
…well if they can open one of those new Tetra Paks….
My leg hurts!
Now I realise that this isn’t actually anybody’s fault but I’d still feel a bit better if I had somebody to blame.
mildenhalljohn will do nicely, the fucking leg hurting bastard!
@Dizzy: I think you mean procrastination. I’d look it up in the dictionary just to be sure but I can’t be arsed at the moment. I’ll do it tomorrow.
There’s a high likelihood that he’s actually trying for an extended metaphor to explain why he thinks it’s a good idea to scrap benefits.
Actually Albert, I was thinking of something like “The Beaufort Scale”, only not for wind. Ummm. The Kaiser Chiefs Scale?
That’ll do for now, until I can think of a serial piker to name it after.
When I was a small Charles Exford, we used to drink our free school milk with the aid of straws. I therefore conclude that mildenhalljohn is a donkey-felching cockwomble.
Er, how? What???
My head hurts from reading that. Fucking mildenhalljohn, the head-hurting bastard.
From the mildenhalljohn guide to child-rearing, page 175, the proper administration of milk:
1) Tie the child to a chair, ensuring that its head is retained in a tilted-back attitude.
2) Shove a funnel in its mouth.
3) Pour milk into the funnel.
4) Encourage the child, by shouting Drink! Drink! Drink it all!!! Swallow it now, you ungrateful little bastard!!!
5) If you find this all a bit over-exciting, you may want to add a little “special milk” of your own to the funnel.
6) Remove the funnel, and make sure the child thanks you politely before you untie it from the chair.
Total supervision is the only way.
Less revoltingly, I’d also like to recommend the new people’s poet.
The fact that he’s so quick to allude to milk’s glandular source surely betrays his secret plan to have primary school teachers breastfeed their pupils. Perhaps he’s a school caretaker hoping to assume health & safety inspection duties for such activities.
Oh no. The phrase ‘Thatcher, Thatcher milk snatcher’ has just popped into my head but it now has taken on a different light and I feel quite ill. Bastard mildenhalljohn.
@Dean Cramvoid
The mouth? You’re living in la-la-land mate. Have you ever seen a 5-year-old shut up for more than a few seconds? No, it’s got to be through the nostrils, or, failing that, pull its oesophagus out of its armpit and connect to a tube externally.
@ Charles Exford
Thanks for that; if I was a (supervised) 5 year old my milk would be all over the screen right now.
As it is I’ve only blown a gram of coke into the keyboard.
It seems that Dean’s ‘people’s poet’ has discovered that Duh-vid Scameroon is secretly a woman.
@Dean Cramvoid
Deldranium is to poetry what Cuger Brant is to literature. Nice find!
@Dean Cramvoid:I love that guy’s poetry.
Especially the ejaculations at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@eleanora_:
Don’t diss the Cugermeister.
DC:
It’ll be the milk in your fridge. Duh.
OK, person after DC, I know. But I wanted to try blockquotes. And I couldn’t think of anyone else to respond to save Mr Cramvoid; and even then I’d only have said something inappropriate about administering special milk through a syringe.
Oh shit, sorry.
Is he suggesting that under 5s should go all day without any food or drink?
You know, I think he might just be. My son threw some of his spaghetti hoops on the floor the other day, so by mildenhalljohn’s logic I should perhaps just accept that eating really isn’t his thing
Does he think schools are abandoned warehouses where we send children to fend for themselves between 9-3pm?
Has he confused the education system for Battle Royale?
Judging from his comment we can’t really rule it out. Well, to be honest I’m surprised he had the faculties to actually type that comment and post it, never mind grasp the basics of the education system.
Ooh! Vote for “cockwomble” to replace “foxes” the next time the blah filter reappears.
I bum cockwombles
A gen-ui-ne milk martyr
Prising the pint from your cold, dead hands.
AnAngryMan’s pretty aggressive for a toddler.
Mildenhalljohn’s got a point, guys. My 22 month old does sod all for himself and he’s crap in a Battle Royale situation. I blame the nanny state for his inability to ruthlessly murder other children or drink a glass of milk without spilling some.
“Prising the pint from your cold, dead hands.”
Cheaper than a fridge.
70. At 2:04pm on 12 Aug 2010, reflector2 wrote: On the subject…Do ufo’s exist?
I find the subject of UFO’s as funny as the site ‘speak your branes’.
The former do not exist (they are just unidentified flying objects) not flying saucers. QED: Figments of your imagination.
The latter do not exist (they are just dullards who need to learn the English language) being figments of their own imagination.
I am absolutely outraged by reflector2′s comment.
Hello, I think someone is annoyed:
Excellent, has reflector2 been ripped on here, or has he/she undergone a name change? I hope it’s Ian Cheese
Ahh, apart from his aversion to SYB, reflector2 is just another tedious tit-box, with little to offer. I do like this though, discussing teen pregancy and the NANNY STATE:
Actually, reflector2, I’m pretty sure that’s the same here. I’m part of the Ant Respect Lefty Organisation, and I’ve been campaigning to stop discrimination against Ants (especially pregnant teenage Ants) for a number of months now. But you know what? The Con-Dem government ignores me! I’ve written all about it on HYS and everything, but not one pays any fucking attention. No one thinks about the ants. Now think of it.
Search turns up no hits for reflector2, reflector1 or even just reflector on here. So no clues there…
The claim that “UFO’s” do not exist but that Unidentified Flying Objects do shows a poor grasp of logic and language. So no clues there…
This site could be said to be a bottom-feeder within the general ecology of the net in that it digests the shit produced by bigger sites. But that’s not quite the same as being sycophantic. We could take this as a signature mistake. Search SYB for ‘sycophant’. You might be pleased with the results.
It’s likely one of those driveby idiots who post a few comments on a single thread, then declare themselves victor and never come back. But we shouldn’t identify them by name, because that turns them on.
Oh, and
is a textbook IKYABWAI. Somebody’s stolen reflector2′s milk.
He is completely right though. Under 5s shouldn’t get free milk because unsupervised they might spill some.
Similarly, I don’t think babies should be offered free vaccinations. Have you ever seen an unsupervised baby try to self-administer a vaccination? It doesn’t work. Come to think of it, most people (under or over 5) can’t self-perform surgery either. Hmm, maybe we should just disband the NHS.
Barnard, you are a womble’s weeping womany bits and I claim my five pounds. Either that or you are our second closest star outside the solar system, and if that is the case what the fuck are you doing commenting in SYB – haven’t you got shining duties to perform??
@ad ho
good work – well spotted considering there’s hardly an adverb to be seen!
Rattled someones cage?
Going to zap me with the twat o tron?
Aarghh!!
Nooo! Keep me an individual, free thinker…Too late…What what what, don’t you know old chap…
Why should i not comment on SYB? You comment and slag off on every other site. Does not free thinking or democracy count on this site without a private invitation or a dipthong?
You have not the branes to get that one!!
True though innit!! What, what!
Zapping you with the twat-o-tron would be a slightly redundant exercise, methinks, old thing. Pip, pip!
Oh, and that’s diphthong, by the way.
(yvw)
Random punter..
Well, the whole exercise was a muse, idiot! Hook line and sinker comes to mind! Why do i waste my time! Stay in your shell and reflect on the first posting!
Toad in the Hole…Quote…
People who post anonymously normally have something to hide.
Toad in the Hole
Erm..Is it me?
Too late! You are not a thinker, not even a horizontal thinker, let alone a lateral thinker. It be the ‘twat-o-tron’ for ye me laddie!” Nelson.
Barnard’s posting style is a bit Cugeresque, methinks. QED. If I’m right.
Quite right – it’s digraceful these privately owned blogs that don’t conform to democracy and just rip the piss out of morons. Consider yourself told Nelson
Democracy is it? OK
The proposal before us today is that that ol’ Barney there is an arthritic aardvark’s arsehole. I move. Do have a seconder?
Is that actually Cuger, then? God, that’d be amazing.
I have a suspicion that it is he…
See, I don’t have to put any effort in as long as people like Barnard are around. Keep up the good work.
Do you know what gets you accepted as an independent free-thinker on SYB? Not acting like a complete twat the moment you arrive – go and bother some other online space why don’t you…
The win!!!
I have no fucking idea what is happening.
@ Kris:
I have. On a site dedicated to ripping the piss out of the drivel that self important cockwombles (thanks Charles) post on HYS, Barnard had scorred a own goal by making his first post a reference to his own self important cockwomblness.
It’s like chaos theory or standing in a hall of mirrors & taking a photo of your self that contains a reflected image of the photo to the level of infinity.
His tiny brain is now trying to comprehend the awesomeness of what he’s done without exploding!
Fuck! See now his awesomeness has confused my use of indefinite articles & infinitive articles, it’s that fucking shiny!
@Barnard
The whole exercise was a Greek goddess? That word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
Stay away from the sinkers, the lead can seriously fuck up your brain.
Everybody will be happy to know that after stringent testing, the kids all survived.
@ J A’s G – I’m not sure he knows what a diphthong is either, to be fair.
Barnard is far too revolting to be Cuger. Cuger has always struck me as one of the nicest delusional morons I’ve come across.
Eh, you’ve probably got a point – the grammar and odd vocabulary choices are very Brantesque though…
…Clearly I have read far too much Cuger in my time. *hangs head in shame*
Somebody else here said something similar a while back, but in fact old cugey’s also a racist. If I can find one of his posts that shows this I’ll hoist it up here.
Although to be honest, in truth I’ll probably just forget..