Something about UFOs. Should we take them more seriously? Probably. It’s like HYS. You’re desperately looking for signs of intelligence, but all you find is a paranoid bunch of ballaches going on about the same things over and over and over again.
These alien visitation people are usually very boring and very mental – so much so that these deluded idiots going on about space aliens and probes are just too much for JohnH. Let’s get some science rolling. Some long, windy, science.
Let me explain the science as simply as possible.
You are on a fairground ride, the ‘waltzer’ being spun around very fast. You cannot move your arm, why? Newtons Law of Thermodynamics. A body accelerating increases in effective mass (weight). Go then on the swinging boat thing, as you swing back and forth you feel a lightness in your stomach. This is due to decelerating and a reduction in effective mass (weightlessness).
Now; send up a rocket and travel faster and faster. There has to be a limit and it is the speed of light. Travel at the speed of light (SoL) and you weigh infinity. So if you can only travel at or near SoL it would take 5 years to reach the nearest star and 200 years to reach the nearest S3 planet (its all to do with diameter and distance from a sun – try and keep up!).
So; if aliens are here they have found away to travel by other means. ALL science fiction writers know this. That is why StarTrek uses warp speed, StarWars uses hyperspace, Issac Assimov wrote about traveling in Parsecs etc.
If aliens are here, and its a big if, their technology is so far ahead of ours that to explain it would be like trying to explain the workings of your computer….. to a slug.
And yet.
They are supposed to have ‘crashed’ a spaceship at Roswell in the 1950′s.
So an alien technology that dwarfs ours rides around the skies like a boy-racer on a saturday night.
I don’t think so.
Remember what Hannibal Lectur said in ‘silence of the lambs’…..
“What is it in it’s self”
UFO’s are exactly what it says on the tin, an Unidentified Flying Object.
We do not know what it is and it’s pointless guessing.
Finally, a childrens poem about 5 blind men and an elephant.
None had seen an elephant (obviously) but knew it to be different from all other animals. So they went to find an elephant, and when told one was in a field they each intern approaced it.
The first grabbed it by its tail ‘its like a rope’
The second grabbed a leg ‘its like a tree’
The third touched its side ‘its like a wall’
The fourth grabbed an ear ‘its like a fan’
The fifth grabbed a tusk ‘its like a spear’
To conclude – each went their way, each to sing their song, but though the were all partially right, they were all completlly wrong.
With less to go on than the blind men lets stop guessing shall we?
JohnH
That’s some serious scientific reality there. After getting through that BSc material, I’m feeling about as real as you could possibly get. Normally I float around the place in a daze, but “Newtons Law of Thermodynamics” grounded me like a drunk pilot. Accepting the advanced knowledge of Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas in making shit up took me a step closer to accepting cruel, atomic level reality; and when I got to Isaac Asimov – sorry, Issac Assimov – “traveling in Parsecs” I definitely knew I existed, because I lost control of my bladder. But if I was in any doubt as to how real things could get, the elephant poem effectively cut off my balls and stuffed them in my ears.
I’m very glad I’m real, and not just some kind of massive cunt squatting in someone’s febrile imagination.
I find the subject of UFO’s as funny as the site ‘speak your branes’.
The former do not exist (they are just unidentified flying objects) not flying saucers. QED: Figments of your imagination.
The latter do not exist (they are just dullards who need to learn the English language) being figments of their own imagination.
reflector2
Oh, no! Everything I thought about myself was wrong! JohnH had me believing it, and now reality has been pulled from under my feet like Peter Venkman pulled out the tablecloth from under the flowers in Ghostbusters! Remember that? They caught ghosts, though, not aliens. Ghosts are real. “And the flowers are still standing!” Hilarious. They were in the dining room of the hotel, and they were looking for Slimer? And they had those awesome particle streamers? They were real. Weren’t they? Weren’t they… oh, n-
71 Responses to “Reality Testing”
What about the Clangers then? For all his fancy-pants “science” JohnH totally fails to explain them. Maybe he should consider Ms (not Doctor) Gillian McKeith’s Laws of Planetary Motions. What a flabby ferret’s funslot.
Well, that about wraps it up for science fiction then.
I’m not sure if this guy is joking or not…
So anyone engaged with this site does not exist yet Dr Lecter (a figment of Thomas Harris’s mind) is not only real but an accepted academic reference?
Please inform Nurse immediately, Relfector2 has escaped his bed.
Reflector2 whipped out a QED, QED Reflector2 is a big pile of cockmarmalade
reflector2 – doing more to publicise SYB than john Adair…
English and logic lessons incoming.
UFO’s do exist by definition. They are Unidentified Flying Objects. Then they get Identified, and turn out to be Venus, or a top secret flight out of Area 51.
So, that which you have demonstrated as figments of the imagination are not, in general, figments of the imagination.
Your second point is confusing. If I don’t exist, how can I have an imagination, never mind be a figment of it?
It’s a pity there wasn’t a sixth blind man who could have formed an opinion based on feeling the elephant’s trunk.
Brilliant.
First we have Mr Science who has managed to create a fusion of Newton’s Laws of Motion and the Laws of Thermodynamics (well, there’s three of them innit?) – he should get a Nobel prize for that.
Then we have Mr Grammar berating us for poor use of the language. Has he not read any other entries on HYS? Not exactly OED material…
Good advert for the site though!
I think his hybrid of relativity and classic mechanics is far more interesting… I mean, he obviously knows about things like accelerating close to the speed of light increases mass.
But I’m not sure I want to go on a fairground waltzer which is spinning round at relativistic speeds…
Untitled – try to keep up, it’s all to do with diameter.
Where did all the comments go? Fuck, I think reflector2 might be right.
“And yet.”
Is this the purest expression of self-importance yet seen on HYS? The brevity of the pomposity, the fact that he’s able to distill all his Cuntitude into two words, is breathtaking.
re: Oaf
In the actual poem they do feel the trunk. I know, it shocking, JohnH didn’t quite remember it right. It’s also a poem explicitly about religion, because after all, we’re not totally blind to science.
Poem can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/3yagmhl
Excellent. So there is a sixth blind man and some trunk fondling just as I suggested there should be.
It’s strange that someone trying to remember the details manages to totally forget that elephants have trunks. I know it’s not their main feature, that would be….. err….. well, I can’t remember at the moment.
My computer crashed today. Somewhere there’s a bunch of slugs looking smug. QED, or something.
“And yet”.
“If I’m right.”
It all fits, don’t you see, people? Don’t you SEE?
What company offers internships to blind people involving the fondling of exotic animals?
A NuLiarBore quango that’s who! Wake up people -your taxes are paying for this filth!
Because the elephant will break your wrist if you try that again.
JohnH was only visiting the funfair (and petting zoo) because his breathtaking misunderstanding of relativity had got him barred from every pub with a pool table.
Actually, I think physicists prefer the term “girth”.
Clangerwank. Blockquotes are fail.
In his mind, JohnH is addressing a crowd of thousands of admiring people in a sort of huge lecture theater/temple.
These admirers are less intelligent than JohnH, so he can say things like “try and keep up!” and “And yet” to them, but not stupid enough to be unable to understand his insights and appreciate them.
And yet.
Outside his mind, no one ever, ever, pays any attention to what JohnH has to say; instead they look at him with contempt and disgust as soon as he enters their field of vision, and proceed to avoid eye contact, backing away, and discreetly shielding their kids from him with their bodies.
Cunt.
That thread has brought our attention to attracted some high-calibre unmarked helispotters. Check out Richard Ralph Roehl (bet that’s not his real name). He may look like he’s getting close to the big conspiracy…
…but when he ditches the word games for a moment, it turns out he’s just a self-important hydra’s hole like the rest:
If I were not a mere figment of my own imagination I would be hunting down reflector2 with a pair of pinking shears to ensure he was unable to further pollute the gene pool.
Arse. My devious nut-baiting <s> tags didn’t get through. Now *I* look like I’ve got delusions of grandeur.
I enjoyed JohnH designating Speed of Light the acronym SoL, and then only using it once. What a silly twat (ST).
I think the phrase, “but though the were all partially right, they were all completlly wrong.” about sums it up.
Just going on yesterday’s thread for a second, was Barnard also reflector2? If so, that was a twist I did not see coming. Excellent. He was a bit of a ST.
Nuts to you JohnH PhD, Assimoff didn’t know nothing. My ship did the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs and I’ve got the plastic medal to prove it. Then I whacked Greedo, the forrun bastard.
@ Ugly Newt
High-calibre indeed, Triple R is a re: eel fine-duh (real find):
Nope, I can’t see it.
Think of it.
The Road to Wigan Pier was chocka with badly researched history.
@USB – both Barnard’s and reflector2′s postings set off my state-of-the-art Brant Detector, so I suspect that they are not only one and the same, but they are also Cuger Brant… amazing!
Ah, that’s a lovely theory, but I think Cugar Brant would be happy posting on here. He is worshipedly revered after all.
Plus, he’d post under the name Urgent Crab or Grub Trance.
JohnH’s anal probe is on the move again.
@eleanora_ I fear you are becoming dangerously obsessed with Mr C. Brant, you see him everywhere, you post in the style of his prose, soon you will become him. Maybe this is how he reproduces.
From 14 April 2009:
And yet… and yet.
I see someone else has been watching a lot of Countdown since that blonde lass replaced Vorder Man.
@Huge Firmly-Wankingsock – that’s a terrifying theory – I expected Cuges to reproduce in the style of The David, but what you suggest is altogether more impressive… *shudders*
Should speeding fines be based on income?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/08/should_speeding_fines_be_based.html
Good old Ian cheese gives us the short but sweet answer:
Researcher 197029 is a povvo:
and qwerty thinks he is well off:
and keeps getting caught speeding:
But lewis fitzroy knows the truth – the swiss are in the pay of David Cameron!
Unterminated ” there lewis.
I had no idea UFOs were so hysterical.
I’m going to get the word ‘Clangerwank’ into a conversation this weekend even if it fucking kills me.
“Do try to keep up as I get science wrong! You fucking peons!”
What an axe wound.
I’m going to attempt to offer somebody a bar of cocolate without getting a punch in the mouth.
Sorry TroopsCombOver but if you knew your Science-stuff, then you’d know JohnH is not wrong.
‘S only fair to point out, that JohnH comes under the special category defined by Wolfgang Pauli when refering to a particularly ‘original’ student’s work. In a moment of frustration he once blurted,
“Not only is it not right, it’s not even wrong!”
JohnH to a tee, I think. QEND
QEND? Quantum EntropoNewtonion Dynamics?
QEnd Of.
Are you sure RRR is not a parody of every cunt trying to appear clever with idiotic sub-tabloid level puns?
I find it hard to believe that someone honestly thought that “ewe-man” and “$ell-lie-be-ratted” are cool and make people smirk and nod in agreement and approval instead of shaking their heads in disbelief and weeping bitterly.
Think of it.
I say we have been trolled.
@DonkeySquicker Think I’ll pass on the coclate, thanks.
I like the idea of some of that illegal money, mind.
@RIPOFF BRITAIN
Nah, the guy is American. Nuff said.
For an in-depth understanding of the issues here, I recommend listening to the last episode of the Gateworld Podcast. They went into a tedious discussion for almost an hour about whether the Destiny travels through normal space or hyperspace. I’m sure the folks on their forum would be much more likely to engage JohnH in meaningful discussion. He’s just wasting his time lecturing the plebs on HYS about space and stuff.
Did those five blind blokes not have a sense of smell?
Nope – missed that bit.
The sixth grabbed the scrotum ‘its like a JohnH’
…..whatever does the refresh-thingy after posting a comment on here is well fucked.
Oh the irony with the prating about shit you haven’t seen – I love it
When beating a retreat from those idiots, yes, it probably is.
Quod erat non demonstrandum
@Quo Vadis, Pleb.
Demonstrate THIS:
Procul is tempus in vesper , eo amo labor lapsus a Caramac sub squirrel
*ego
From this day onwards I will cease blaspheming. Instead when faced with towering stupidity (and so on), I will exclaim John H Cunt.
John H Cunt!
There just are no words to describe John H’s mental issues.
So let’s go with cunt, seems to work.
Oh God:
Looks as if Simon Harpham is carrying on the good work of [dennisjunior]!
Have you hosted re-ass-flector2 here before? He seems to have a bit of a grudge, the pathetic pet’s penis.
I don’t know if somebody has mentioned it in the comments, but why JohnH didn’t mention “Warhammer 40k” when shit-talking about Warp travel? When a systems failure turns a starship into Event Horizon, that shit has to be mentioned.
‘Amerikan’ if you please (a usage which, along with the rest of his drivel, suggests he isn’t a troll, but rather somebody who got bashed on the head during the Grosvenor Square riots in 1968 and has only just come round).
Sorry, I’m a bit hazy on this bit of history. Were they the riots about foreign, immigrant nightingales coming to London and refusing to respect the appropriate London squares which were clearly designated for nightingale song?
/oblique
To be fair to JohnH, the perils of black holes are covered in Star Trek, so it would have been superfluous to mention the Sam Neill factor.
But not all UFOs are made of tin. Some are made of quitescarceium and notmadeupium. I am beginning to doubt JohnH’s scientific credibility.
@dizzy
I rest my case, then.
@ad ho
You fool. He’s not saying they’re made OUT of tin. He’s saying they come IN tins. That’s why the radars can’t see them.
B-but if they’re packed in tins with labels that are absolutely accurate, then how can they be unidentified? This has blown my tiny mind. Truly the universe contains wonders beyond the ken of man.
@ad ho
Aye m’lad. It is indeed the biggest mystery since the disappearance of the Bermuda Triangle. Ooaahhrr me hearties!!
You can only see them if you wear a TIN-foil hat. That’s why JohnHalfwit wears one, anyway.
Over on the “Is Germany leading a European economic recovery?” thread,Ossie wrote:
I cannot work out if he’s drunk, mental or channeling Mark E Smith… suggestions anyone?
Like the “S3 planet” bit, a term which has only ever existed in one episode of Red Dwarf. Once.