1. In; 2. Out; 3. In; 4. Out; 5. In…
By GainsbourgThanks to Laura for discovering the splendidly named grumpovian, a proper, old-fashioned, mean-spirited bastard who, for reasons that remain unclear, was compelled to answer when HYS asked, how concerned are you about your sexual health?
Cease sex education immediately. What a lot of absolute tosh! In this world full of left wing do-gooder, liberal pansies, what do we need this nonsense for. We never had such a waste of time when we were at school, 50 or so years ago, and we found out what to do, as did the early cave men! We will be telling them how to use toilet paper next! Teenagers deserve what they get, as they have no moral scruples whatsoever, following in the footsteps of their parents. Don’t treat them on the NHS, but let them pay privately for their disease. Why should precious resources be diverted from real, and genuine sickness, to deal with the likes of some teenagers who, with their “sex education”, should know better!
grumpovian
Has grumpovian misunderstood the point of sex education, mistaking it for a simple how-to guide for youths so far out of touch with their essential natures in a digital age that they require step-by-step instructions in order to perform the most basic biological functions? Or is the raw, bleeding truth that he/she/it (I’m going to go with ‘it’) knows full well what sex education is, and simply wishes AIDS on the young?
If I wasn’t in a generous mood (and, as luck would have it, I’m not), I’d say the latter.
82 Responses to “1. In; 2. Out; 3. In; 4. Out; 5. In…”
What a cock! To me this read as
“I’m old and not getting sex any more so why should anyone else”
Also he is worried that if the NHS spends all it’s money on sex diseases then they won’t be able to treat his inevitable dementia.
If Grumpovian has a partner, I’m very glad I’m not that person.
I think grumpovian is most likely a troll. That doesn’t read like a real post- far too coherent for starters, although I admit I don’t see the point of trolling a site that doesn’t allow voting or replies.
I actually think he believes the former. That there’s a whole group of Kadir-Buxton’s going round teaching kids how to caress the Inner Labia.
When in fact, my sex ed classes consisted of our teacher saying – “if you perform oral sex on a women, to avoid the chance of catching an STI, use clingfilm as a barrier”.
My packed lunch was ruined that day.
@Dave…
Coherent? The world’s so full of commie gays that kids don’t need to be taught about proper condom use?
My sex ed consisted of a large scottish woman booming that ‘if ye are going to have anal, make sure ye use a thick condom, and lottsa lube.’
Wise words.
Thinking about it now, I don’t think that woman was even a teacher. She did after all tell me that while we were alone in a dark cupboard.
It’s nonsense of course – every teenage boy knows what toilet paper is for and how to use it.
Kris, do you want to talk about it ?
As the only organic species on Earth capable of communicating history so that we do not repeat the mistakes of the past, I cannot believe we have not beheaded grumpovian and used him as high-protein animal feed rather than listen to him grumble on about how he never had sex education even though it is, in his case, a completely moot point in the same way nobody ever instructed him to land a commercial passenger aircraft as it is not strictly required for the execution of his job as Junior Telephone Sales Executive for Elite Office Cleaning Products Ltd.
I seem to recall that my Sex-ed classes generally involved chucking a Diaphragm around like a Frisbee while the temp RE teacher tried to regain any sense of order.
Certainly gave me a good grounding for later life, mainly ‘cos I can impress the ladies by wining a goldfish at the fair.
@ Sir Alf Ramsey’s Porn Dungeon
It’s true, we do love a man who can toss and provide us with fish.
@ The Ladies
That’s not all, I can ride my BMX REALLY fast
@ Sir Alf Ramsey’s Porn Dungeon
*spreads legs*
I went to Catholic school.
Our sex education was “Don’t or you’ll burn in hell”.
Trufax.
“this horrible disgusting woman should have been banged up”
- PAUL B, north east, 26/8/2010 14:51
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1306346/German-singer-Nadja-Benaissa-apologises-having-sex-telling-men-HIV.html#ixzz0xnjZD0ob
I thought she was “banged up” thats how she transmitted the disease
Indeed… why should they?
@Ceannair
Got raised Catholic myself. As I understand it you’re not allowed to have sex outside of wedlock unless it’s with a priest.
I was at school in Ireland. Ours was “this is how babies are made” “don’t do it until you’re married” and “here’s Mandy from Tampax to talk about What Happens To Girls”. Contraception was the work of Satan.
But what about Eivind Berge’s “involuntary celibacy” method of avoiding STI’s?
Simply teach kids to become reprehensible to all humanity = problem solved!!!1
you can imagine him dribbling when he wrote this with the thought of all that sex ed…
what? wrong post?
@The Ladies
Chucks a Diaphragm, wins a fish
QUITS
(this cybersex stuff ain’t all it’s cracked up to be)
At my school the sex ed consisted of attempting to get a recycled condom over a 9 inch long and 2 inch diameter test-tube. Needless to say, we left school with some “issues” between the sheets.
I went to a Catholic school, and the sex ed was shite. All “hell”, “damnation” and “rimming”.
Fucking nuns.
Mmmm. Recycled condom. Lush.
Nah, I’d rather just sit here and quietly wank about it if it’s all the same to you.
Good man yourself!
Damn, tried to go for the blockquote within a blockquote.
Arse chutney.
I don’t think that grumpovian has misunderstood the point of sex education. I think grumpovian has misunderstand the point of everything – for all of his/her/its life.
Ovian = sheep, right?
“Ovian = sheep, right?” – so his name should be Humpovian really. Sex education down the farm – best there is. So I’m told.
Like sociopathic senility?
<NotFunnyButTrue>
I went to Catholic schools and was taught all the biology and some genetics too. As for the “moral” side, we were all taught that “Sex is NOT a dirty word”.
Contrary to most of what is written and said vis-a-vis Catholic schools, I received a good education and am gateful of it.
</NotFunnyButTrue>
Monty Python … Bloody Catholics filling up the bloody world with their blood children …
Isn’t that the Mooslims now?
When I said “all the biology” above, you know what I meant. They didn’t teach English very well, that much is true.
I rather think the point of sex education is to teach the youngsters what not to do, or, if they are going to do it, not to end up pregnant / diseased.
An ounce of prevention and all that.
I suspect he’s just found out he’s being doing it wrong all these years and is devastated at the thought it takes two.
I think Grumpovian has got the wrong end of the stick. Not suprising, since he’d struggle to find the right end of his dick.
Hmm, that reads like a fairly obvious Poe to me.
Translation to Grumpovian’s answer to the question “How concerned are you about your sexual health?”
“Not at all. I’ve still not worked out what the dangly bit is for.”
I completely see Grumpovians point of view, if they continue to educate women about the right to say ‘no’ prosecution is a real danger for him.
Ian Cheese drops a right clanger in that thread, he manages to out himself as a customer of highly priced ladies of the night:-
Well, probably very reasonably priced ladies in Cheese’s case. Two paper bags, etc. etc.
But we DO teach our children how to use toilet paper. Its called potty training and if Freud got anything right (not much – granted), this retentive guy was forced into it way too early.
I like his idea that sexually transmitted infections are not “real” or “geniune” illnesses. I wonder how long he’d feel that way with burning hot piss, weeping genital sores and an auto-immune disease that might give him a slow and painful humiliating death. Lets find out.
Oh Great. I just went PPPPffffffffffffrrrrrrk…. *grunt* down the open mic while teaching a quite formal internet group. Very professional.
Coud be worse, once a colleague was talking to a distraught visitor right as I was reading about the good ship Cormorants Clunge for the first time.
Wasn’t good for promotion prospects!
I thought they said “Wenlock”. To this day, I can’t get an erection outside of Shropshire.
@Cennair. Thank fuck the mic wasn’t open for that one!
As thanks for the Shropshire-based erectile guffaws, here’s part of a poem about brewer’s droop in Ludlow.
Why, if ’tis dancing you would be,
There’s brisker pipes than poetry.
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world’s not.
And faith, ’tis pleasant till ’tis past:
The mischief is that ’twill not last.
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I’ve lain,
Happy till I woke again.
Then I saw the morning sky:
Heigho, the tale was all a lie;
The world, it was the old world yet,
I was I, my things were wet,
And nothing now remained to do
But begin the game anew.
Bollocks. Thanks ‘Sheepless’ not Thanks ‘Cennair’. *Doesn’t wipe drool from chin, but wishes to imply gross, non-disabled stupidity*
Sorry I know this is naughty but I can’t resist congratulating Have Your Lurk on his new found restraint.
Only one post on this thread under his new nom de plume and a funny one at that. (If I’ve guessed right!)
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know, I know!
Welshboy is Have Your Lurk.
If I’m right, obviously.
@keen observer
I wish! Try again!
I’m having that wee couplet framed for me desk.
Sometimes I think everyone commenting here is another of HYL’s identities, and he’s just playing an elaborate mind game with me.
Someone did mention being half-Irish though. Might be that chap.
I’m half Irish, and ’tisn’t me, to be sure.
I also went to a Catholic, boys only, Christian Brothers-run school, and the only formal sex education we received was in the form of a booklet handed to the parents in the pre-school interview. Following that we were on our own. Apart from the practical sessions with Brother Maloney, that is.
Subsequently I went on to meet an accommodating lady-person with whom to refine the details, unlike grumpovian, who appears to have spent the years since the 50s in the company of the widow palm and her five daughters. I think he’s just angry and bitter because he’s never had the opportunity to catch a sexually transmitted infection.
Also known as the “Newcastle hat-trick”.
From the BBC reduce the cost of crime HYS
Good point well made
Hurray, it’s the day of the EDL’s ‘peaceful protest’ in Bradford. You know, the one where they were planning to get busloads of racists to the areas with the most Muslims and then shout ill-informed anti-Islam slogans. That peaceful protest.
When even the Daily Mail is calling you racist, it’s time to admit you’re a racist.
Yeah, where are all those UAF heavies. I’ve seen them around. Big skinhead geezers, but wearing moccasins and eating yoghurt.
The Daily Mail only hates the EDL because it feels they might give racism a bad name.
Back on topic…
Sex education in Cornwall consisted on explaining that going “baaaaa” didn’t necessarily mean she was up for it. That and showing how to put a condom on a banana.
Kris, you make a good point. Whilst the EDF are probably white, ill-educated pricks, the UAF are a bunch of middle-class pricks, whom seem ignorant of their implicitly imperialistic tendencies through their tacit support of monoculturalism. Furthermore, both organisations present facile and vacuous arguments concerning islam and immigration, with the UAF providing a reprieve for otherwise rightfully despised politicians.
What is worse, this moral dilemma cannot be easily overcome the usual way – by adopting the stance of the unelectable left-wing parties – because doing so will accept the editorial line of the Daily Mail.
Our good friend govt_helper is back, and this time its still the wimmins fault:
That’s right folks, women getting beaten up is the fault of women, you know, cheating on men. Since its well know that men NEVER cheat on women. No Sir. Not-a-once.
Alas it appears our hero is a bit put out from non-cunts using the tags to tell him what they think of him:
I’d be scared to look him in the eye its true. Mainly cos he’s a foaming nutcase, and a twunt.
That just sums up govt_helper right there. Totally unable to believe the majority of people think he’s a cunt. Instead he thinks he’s being personally attacked by one person who goes to the effort of repeatedly tagging him as the cockwomble he is.
End.
“imperialistic tendencies through their tacit support of monoculturalism”
Weren’t you supposed to be a goose steppin’, sieg heilin’, and chantin’ “pakis out!” in Bradford today? Or did you pop into an internet cafe now that it’s winding down?
Govt_helper on gender seems a bit tame after Eivind Berge’s bilge but never the less…
It is all very fine for govt_helper to bang on about relationships between men and women as a whole, as if he has some sort of valid perspective, but the truth is that personal relationships are actually formed between individuals. Generally, they work better between individuals who trust and respect each other.
If govt_helper flips on a Jeremy Kyle Show episode called “I Shag Rugby Teams While My Partner Is Too Busy Posting Crap On The Internet To Notice”, fails to realise that the entire Jeremy Kyle franchise is an freak show artificially confected for the entertainment of morons like him, looks at his partner and thinks “She’d totally do that if I turned my back for a minute” then that may or may not tell us anything about his partner (who may or may not even exist) but it sure as hell tells us a lot about the paranoid, insecure, untrusting twunt that is govt_helper. [Fuck me that was a long sentence!]
I also like the idea that he thinks that one person is dedicated to abusing him; a Moriarty to his Holmes. Somebody really should point him over here and show him that his imagined arch nemesis is actually just a disparate bunch of bored people who have noticed that he is a twat and enjoy pointing it out.
govt_helper’s WRITING style does MAKE things MUCH more interesting to READ though. The best part about him is that quite a few of his posts start of being sensible, almost something that could make you think “yeah, he’s got a point there”, before he inevitably ends up just blaming women for everything.
A bit like how Kadir-Buxton solves every problem with a few slaps round face before a handclap up the chuff.
Also I think the tag “possible spermdonors” is his cack-handed attempt to insult everyone calling him a cunt over tags, which shows you that his ability to insult is about as good as his reasoning skills.
Oslo, 21:46 local time.
[insert callsign here]: How did it survive?
[insert contact name here]: That’s still unclear. What astonishes us is that he’s managing to post from a full body cast in ICU and blames the wimmins for the explosion.
[insert callsign here]: Seriously?
[insert contact name here]: Apparently ‘it must have been a woman who made the letterbomb, if a man had made it I’d be dead’.
[insert callsign here]: I wouldn’t tell [insert callsign of female teammate here] that, she’ll shove the RPG up his rectum next time.
[insert contact name here]: I’d pay to see that.
..yep. Dunno about the rest though, too many big words. I’m sure it was dead clever though.
After nearly a month’s self-imposed non-reading/non-posting of SYB, naturally my first urge on return was to check if I’d been mentioned. Thanks to Welshboy and Kris, I am now cumming so hard that I’m having difficulty seeing the letters on the keyboard.
Oh, and I had the, er, benefits of a Catholic sex education as well. I remember a girl friend (note the space) of mine recounting that she’d been told, at school, by a State-appointed teacher, that every time she had a period she had failed in her duty to God. That gave her a complex for quite a few years.
See you all in another month.
It’s Have Your Lurk time of the month!
(Sorry!)
Well if cave men worked out how to use toilet paper, I don’t see why kids can’t.
The previous post was number 69. 69!! Geddit?
1) in 2) out 3) in) 4) out 5) all change 6) no, only one change
There is no rule 7.
Shit, how did you manage to discover my beliefs were extrapolated from German domestic policy in the 1930s and applied to unique social problems of contemporary Britain based on a single critique of the UAF? That is impressive.
I mean it is impressive for a reactionary, illiterate fuckwit.
I’m impressed that Gainsborg gets to 5 – for me it seems to be 1)in 2)out 3)in 4) sorry….
Can I just say “Hi” to all the guys down the local?
So they were correct and you managed to evade arrest then? Good chap.
Does the labelling of the entirety of a large anti fascist group as ‘middle class pricks’ also count as ‘reactionary fuckwittery’? Or does that not count because an intellectual colossus such as yourself did it?
Also, why the chip on your shoulder about the ‘middle classes’?
Previous post addressed to ‘Fuck it’@ 3:24pm. Obviously.
Sorry to wander so far off topic, but look who has popped up on CiF:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/29/teenagers-language-music-world
This is going to be fun with her on board.
If my Mum made up a long and tedious story about taking me to a museum that doesn’t even exist and posted it on the internet I think I might have an attitude problem too.
It is hard to tell how much of EbayTkmax’s story is fictionalised. Clearly there is quite a bit of tosh in there even after letting the details of which London landmark is which pass. I certainly don’t buy the claim of the kid doing the washing up, even very badly, while being as far gone as she claims in other respects. Besides, she doesn’t sound like a an exasperated mother with a problem child. She sounds like a reactionary tosser making at least part of this stuff up.
Anyway, if EbayTkmax should pop in and read this, I have two points:
1. You did not turn out particularly well.
2. You are still hard work.
According to the teen-speak glossary in that Grauniad article
We is so down wiv da kidz here, man!
Jesus Christ, what is with the boner everyone has for the fucking UAF? It is a yet another bullshit SWP ‘united front’ organisation.
I am just thanking fuck I never made a shit joke about Diana or ‘our hero boys’ in Afganistan.
At least 50% of that list of teen-speak words is total shite, made up by teenagers tired of being patronised by Guardian columnists.
Safe.
Cavemen were polyamorous and enjoyed hallucinogen-inspired actually I don’t think we’re going to go there.
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