spEak You're bRanes

It’s usually a bit below the belt to lay into someone just on spelling mistakes, but Stephen Murray from Middlesbrough, who I found chatting shite on an old Mail article about Baroness Scotland’s housekeeper, is an exception. Firstly, he’s an idiot. Secondly, he’s an idiot racist with weird paranoid delusions. Thirdly, these are just magical.

She employed this woman nowing she was a imigrant thats why she employed her in the first place ,if you had the slightest dought and you had a job of such importance you would play it safe and look around for uk citizen no problem no fine ,she never thought she would get found out and now she and the labour party are trying desperatly to find some sinario which thay can save her job ,weak priminister and weak goverment.

- stephen murray, middlesbrough

Look at ‘dought’, for a start. Despite his obvious shit-for-brains thought-processes, Stephen understands about silent letters and ‘gh’, he even knows a fair few words that are spelt funny. So he clearly has the makings of a good speller in him. And look at ‘priminister’. It actually seems quite logical if you’ve never seen a newspaper and have no idea what the word is meant to look like. It’s implausible, the more I think about it the more it explains a great deal about the internet, and to be honest it frightens me a little. But the only conclusion I can come to is that Stephen Murray can write but not read.

Look, I’m going to level with you. I don’t like people. I think they’re brutal, selfish and stupid. Nevertheless, I sometimes wake up in the morning with the sun shining on my face, feeling almost at peace with the world, and in those moments I question myself. I think, am I the problem? Am I the one who needs to change?

Then I get up and take a look at HYS (currently asking: would you step in to help a child?) and BAM! Top two comments, pair of cunts.

You only need to read the ‘Sarahs law’ HYS to see why people are fearful!

I found a 4 year old wandering the streets near my old flat with no shoes on, in mid winter with snow on the ground. I had to stand on the pavement waiting for 20 minutes for the police to show up because I was so terrified of the implications of taking a half dressed kid inside to warm up. The kid nearly froze as a result.
Peter_Sym

No, I wouldn’t help. And yes I am concerned they would be abusive.

The problem nowadays, is that an adult is considered a threat to a child despite the adults good intentions.

Personally, I’d walk away, and if the child was hurt or abducted, then sorry, but not my fault. Blame the parents, government, society as a whole.
martin622

So the first two people we encounter on this thread are: a man who’s such a coward that he’d have watched a toddler freeze to death before risking any course of action with ‘implications’; and a complete monster who wouldn’t lose any sleep if he abandoned a child to some horrific fate, purely to make a point.

Extrapolate this result across the rest of our species. I feel vindicated. Equilibrium is restored.

Thanks to Patrick W.

Remember Dennis Junior? There was a man who warmed the cockles of my heart with his detailed and conscientious responses to HYS questioning. He showed that it’s not winning the racism, it’s the taking part that counts.

Now, imagine Dennis Junior as a complete twat. That would be Toad in the Hole. He’s very much a corgi’s anus, but very thorough with it – no question gets left un-wanked on. The difference between Dennis Junior and Toad in the Hole is that mingled in with the desire to respond to every single question posed on HYS – even if he himself admittedly knows fuck all or doesn’t give a shit – is the equally strong desire to air his docile, simplistic, wanky opinions on everything he might think he knows something about.

Should stars get involved with politics?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

Will the Afghanistan leaks affect security?

No idea.
Toad in the Hole

Is the TV portrayal of gay and lesbian people fair?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

What impact will Argentina’s legalising of gay marriage have?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

He can have an opinion, though. It’s not all apathy and mole-like vision.

Will aid help improve security?

Will aid help improve security? No.
Toad in the Hole

Which UK city would be most worthy of culture award?

None, they’re all hell holes rife with crime, drugs, gangs and Labour voters.
Toad in the Hole

Yeah, a sense of humour always helps. I’m not sure if Toad in the Hole started off as a Dennis Junior and ended up being corroded by the flecks of spit on HYS, or whether he’s just another high-functioning literalist with a laptop and a modem. But you know, at least he has a sense of irony…

Should you be anonymous online?

People who post anonymously normally have something to hide.
Toad in the Hole

But not, you eh, Toad? Or should I just call you Mr. or Mrs. Hole? Odd though, considering all that we know about you after reading through your comments on your profile, we still don’t know your name, age, gender, where you live, what you do for a living, if you’re married or if you have kids. In fact, one would assume that you’re anonymous. Or that you’re very clever and you’re being a very smart little iron, instead of a ridiculous parody of a human being.

Don’t assume though – you make a twat out of yourself. Or no, wait – you don’t do that by assuming things. You do that by saying things like this:

No matter what the religion or sexually orientation is, Britain is full. We cannot cope with the population we have now. People here today are losing their jobs, their homes and their dignity, while at the same time 1000′s of immigrants continue to arrive, why?
Toad in the Hole

I don’t know. Perhaps the next post you made can answer that tricky question – after all this, I’ve been dying to hear how you think we should contribute to society.

I Work for living, don’t scrounge off the state and don’t commit crimes nor participate in anti social activates.
Toad In The Hole

Yeah, that’d be it. It’s your job. Literally, mate, it’s your specific job. After all, in what other country could you get a job where one of the main duties is to post twenty fucking times, every single fucking day, including weekends, on every single fucking topic that appears on HYS, including stuff you know fuck all about, stuff you don’t give a shit about, and stuff you think you know about, but which, in reality, you know fuck all about?

Well, Britain. And probably Narnia. But I heard they deal with immigrants quite harshly there.