spEak You're bRanes

Armchair Generals and Delusions of Grandeur and Plain Weird01 Sep 2010 09:57 am

By Alex

Thanks to Andy and Dave. Assortment of desperately important opinions on the Mail and BBC, on the vital topic of writing on envelopes. Apparently the Post Office just need a house number and a postcode, and you needn’t bother writing, say, the county. They’ve probably also got their own shorthand to speed things up. All good things, right?

I am with Andrea (12.35) on this I will not be party to this erosion that stinks of the EU. Who do they think they are the Borg out of Star Trek where resistance is futile ?. Sorry pal, I am with the resistance on this. There is no way such things as the Cheshire show will be refered to as the 4NW Show. We are not going to throw away over 1000 years of history for the sake of what looks like an efficency drive by the Post Office,which I suspect is an attempt long term to standardise to a EU post coding system by first taking away the individuality of the area.
Mark, Manchester

This is a tricky one. How to shake free from the iron grip of the postie and his shadowy EU paymasters? All I can think of is you could continue to write the county and refer to it in conversation.

I’ll always continue to use county names. The Royal Mail will NOT dictate to me. I AM NOT A NUMBER…….
jb, sussex

I bet your house is called “Dunroamin” you pointless arse.

The Post Office says all they need is a house number and postcode. So, all these years, I’ve wasted hours writing out street, town and county names on hundreds of Christmas cards? From now on I’ll address the card to Aunt Nelly, 39, and the postcode – for the first time ever my right hand won’t be numb on Christmas Day!
Kevin, Belfast

Try sitting on it. Or using your left maybe.

113 Responses to “British Parcel Resistance Force”

on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:06 am ceannair

Come on now, who read this:

for the first time ever my right hand won’t be numb on Christmas Day!

and thought of something else not to do with writing ?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:19 am rube

First a postcode lotteryto get a doctor and now postcode guerilla warfare. Whatever next, postcode fiesta bull runs?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:20 am Theodore

I would raise my hand and admit that I immediately saw the smuttier meaning but I have been wanking furiously all night and can’t lift my arm above shoulder height.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:27 am Ugly Newt

There is no way such things as the Cheshire show will be refered to as the 4NW Show.

‘course not. Postcodes are big-endian, so 4NW on its own means sod-all.

So somebody’s spotted that if shops can send you junk mail after asking only for your house number and postcode, the post office could do that too, and the rest of the address is redundant… and Mark extrapolates from that that it’s all an EU plot to obliterate placenames as we know them. He’s just worried that he’ll be the next redundant item to be ignored.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:42 am tw@basket.com

If Mark, Manchester knew fuck all about anything he would know that the bizarre UK post code system is sure as hell not standardised with the rest of the EU and that the EU wouldn’t want it to be. Most of the other EU countries use a simple numeric postcode system rather than anything like our two part system with letters and numbers.

The system used in most EU countries is very similar to that used in the USA for its zip codes. Despite this, I have never heard anybody from any of these countries complain that this is American imperialism or any such shite.

Anyway, counties? I say fuck em! Particularly Middlesex.

Middlesex hasn’t even existed since 1965 but huge numbers of wankers still insist that they live in Middlesex because they can’t bring themselves to admit that they live in vibrant, multicultural London. If Boris is short of cash he should compile list of these twats and add a “Middlesex County Council surcharge” onto their next council tax bills. I am sure some of them would pay up with pride.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:43 am tw@basket.com

Oh yeah. And while I’m on, is anybody going to fix that stupid thing where it sends you to the wrong URL after commenting?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 10:47 am christonabike

You can fuck off with your GPS positioning as well. If my satnav wants to know where I am, it shall have to ask me in ENGLISH and I shall reply “I am outside MY HOUSE if you even know where that is!!!!!!!”
on 01 Sep 2010 at 11:18 am Kris

Fuck counties, haven’t you noticed that no one puts ENGLAND-Not-Britain on addresses? The EU has managed to wipe out the very name of our once great country! Because we all know that if something isn’t written on a letter, it somehow ceases to fucking exist. Welcome to the Marxist EU superstate.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 11:23 am The Revenant

OK, sorry. This isn’t really related but I just turned this one up in the “Would you like to shriek about Tony Blair for a bit?” thread on HYS.

71. At 09:59am on 01 Sep 2010, Often Rejected wrote:

Bliar’s novel, oops, Memoirs, will tell me nothing I don’t already know about New Labour … nothing.

He is a dissembler who, in his Messianic method, actually believes what he says (maybe). He is an actor and always has been. He showed his true self when reading at Diana, Princess of Wales’ funeral … there was not one ounce of sincerity in the man.

Even if he is seen by history to have been right in some areas these will have been accidental; he remains an actor whose depths of deception and self-deception know no bounds.

He is the true lap-dog, wanting always to please the last person he meets. The Tories were lambasted at the time for producing posters of Bliar with evil red eyes … how right they were!

This country lost, during Bliar’s time, more freedoms than ever before. He got rid of the basis of Magna Carta, made the country unsafe and has bloodied hands. He remains the enemy of freedom and, if I am to avoid the Moderators’ ire, I had better stop!

It’s not perfect but it’s pretty good. From reading it, I honestly think he believes it’s spelled “Bliar”.
Now to go back and use “find on this page” for the word “zanu”. Lovely. Well, the exact opposite of lovely.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 11:31 am Undemocratic Speed Bump

The opening sentence to Mark, Manchester ‘s bilge is actually his attempt at a chat up line.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 11:49 am Oaf

Postcodes created: 1959
European Union created: 1993

So postcodes are definately an EU conspiracy but only if they have a time machine (which they probably do).
on 01 Sep 2010 at 11:56 am Damocles

How can this be news? This was true when I was a kid. It’s the whole point of postcodes.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 12:02 pm Andy

But… that’s been true since the 50′s. And the fact it’s all that’s needed has sod all to do with how you address your letter. In fact it’s the reason why reactionist twats can get away with writing “Uxbridge, Middlesex” or “Scunthorpe, Lincolnshire” as counties that have ceased to exist aren’t actually necessary!

And Mark, Manchester – of *course* The Cheshire Show won’t be known as The 4NW show! That’s completely wrong!

We’re going to rename it “The WA16 0HJ Show” instead. (You don’t even need the house number for that one – Cheshire is so lightly populated and posh that everyone has their own postcode. And pony.)
on 01 Sep 2010 at 12:14 pm Mr. Fuckbucket

Mark in Manchester is obviously very confused. He sounds like just the kind of cunt that writes Sale, Cheshire so as not to be associated with the slum next door (Sale is a shithole itself). County names as class markers.

On the whole I’m a big fan of the British postcode system. This probably marks me out as some devious EU infiltrator. And considering I prefer metric to Imperial I guess that’s case closed and I’m going down for a long time!
on 01 Sep 2010 at 12:33 pm Dean Cramvoid

Postcodes created: 1959
European Union created: 1993

The Treaty of Rome was 1957. Aaaaaaah.

The best-rated post is textbook.

Goodbye fair England’s Shires, hello Eurozone 5.
The best way to subdue an unhappy population is to remove their identity and drug them with all day TV, gossip mags and a system that categorises them as bi-polar if they get upset at their lack of real liberty. Aldous Huxley’s Ultimate Revolution speech predicted this all along. We are sleepwalking the next generation into drugged servitude and ID tagging, with all industry removed to the pacific rim.
If national identity is being systematically destroyed, what is the long term agenda?
- Anna, Maidenhead, UK,

Bonus points for referring to Huxley instead of Orwell. Negative points for failing to mention which county Maidenhead is in and for putting “UK” instead of “England-not-UK”.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 12:38 pm Ugly Newt

And considering I prefer metric to Imperial I guess that’s case closed and I’m going down for a long time!

As long as you measure it in nice sensible kilodays.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 12:49 pm Apricot Split

And considering I prefer metric to Imperial

Metric Martyrs = County Cunts.

I weigh 76kg. It’s about 22°C outside as I write this.
Cocks like Manky Mark from Manchester probably hate the clock on the cookers, what with their EUSSR 24-hour clock an’ all: Well that’s when he’s not foaming about those fecking Muzzie Arabic Numerals on the 12-hour clocks. he wants good ol’ Roman … no British … no English … no Lancastrian numerals. In fact, why has he writing at all what with using a Latin script … and so on and so forth … ad infinitum.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 2:17 pm Have Your Lurk

Under the Fourth Reich of the EU Anna, Maidenhead, UK is going to have to admit she lives in Hymen, UK. Nomenclature: don’t take it for granted.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 2:57 pm KT17 4EQ

I live in Ipswich, Suffolk (my postcode is IP1 2HF) but my post always seems to end up in Epsom in Surrey. There must be a flaw in the system. Either that or it’s an EU conspiracy.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 2:58 pm Signore

[blockquote]for the first time ever my right hand won’t be numb on Christmas Day![/blockquote]

Ah, another member of the “dead hand gang” eh?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 3:32 pm Alex

Come on now, who read this and thought of something else not to do with writing?

Subtlety. Why the fuck do I bother?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 3:35 pm ligne

Upemall doesn’t understand the subtleties of democracy: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/09/what_do_blairs_memoirs_tell_yo.html#P100231057

“Once upon a time there were two boys who pretended to be friends. By pretending to be friends, they set out to con a people. Luckily 75% of the people didn’t fall for it. Unfortunately, 25% of the people did and because 25% of the people did, the other 75% were also enslaved because in this country they had a system called ‘democracy’ and this system was as bad as any other political system that has ever been invented…”

The Revenant> i searched the page, but where are my zanus?
on 01 Sep 2010 at 3:47 pm ceannair

Subtlety. Why the fuck do I bother?

Sorry Alex!!!!

I’d had a hard morning and beer the night before, brain just not in gear!
on 01 Sep 2010 at 3:50 pm Kris

I didn’t even think it was that subtle. But I didn’t want to be the one to call ceannair a blind tit.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 3:54 pm Kris

By pretending to be friends, they set out to con a people. Luckily 75% of the people didn’t fall for it. Unfortunately, 25% of the people did and because 25% of the people did, the other 75% were also enslaved

I’m pretty sure I didn’t vote Labour because Tony Bliar and Gordon Clown were pretending to be friends.

I didn’t vote for them at all. But if I had, that wouldn’t have been why.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 4:22 pm Oaf

The Treaty of Rome was 1957. Aaaaaaah.

But those Treaty Romans were not too interested in postcodes.
on 01 Sep 2010 at 8:01 pm christonabike

@The Revenant

I’ve created a logic template for the Blair postings if anyone wishes to blend in:

“Phoney Bliar and his NuLieBore phonies committed TREASON against the country by doing whatever he persoanlly wanted because he is a demonically possessed poodle with blood on his paws who thinks it’s Jesus that does whatever anybody else says.”
on 01 Sep 2010 at 8:48 pm Sheepless

But… that’s been true since the 50′s.

Nope. Firstly, not everywhere had a postcode until the early 70s. Secondly, at first most sorting offices didn’t actually use the postcodes for sorting. I was a kid when the big rollout happened, and I remember that the PO leaflet said our address should look like:

Street address
Village
Post town
County
Postcode
on 01 Sep 2010 at 9:06 pm Mr Poo

If you actually trek over to Communist Frenchystan, you’ll find that postcodes are rather more far-reaching than those in the UK.

My postcode covers 7 villages (and over 400 square kilometers).
on 01 Sep 2010 at 9:37 pm tw@basket.com

Ah, the “metric martyrs”. What a bunch of pompous tits!

Trying to force customers to use an archaic and complicated system of units, that most of them don’t like or understand, is hardly going to drive repeat business. Take it from me, an unsuccessful on-line retailer of baskets and woven goods, that this is not how business works.

The customer wants to buy 3 baskets. The customer gets 3 baskets and pays for them.

The customer wants to buy 600g of straw table mats. The customer gets 600g of straw table mats and pays for them.

The customer wants to buy 4lb of doormats. The customer gets 4lb of doormats and pays for them.

Now you might ask me “What kind of nutter buys doormats by the pound?” and I will tell you that I couldn’t give a fuck so long as they pay for them. Of course, I speak of hypothetical customers. No bastard ever actually buys anything, not even one lousy, stinking table mat.

I may be a very unsuccessful on-line retailer but at least I don’t try to pretend to be some kind of martyr about it. (Er, except now, obviously.)
on 01 Sep 2010 at 9:37 pm n'importe quelle Rand suffit

My postcode covers 7 villages (and over 400 square kilometers)

That just proves its a horrible EU plot. Seven villages? The people seven villages away aren’t even blood relatives. How are we going to keep our English (not British) bloodlines pure if that sort of person is getting our post?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:34 am Bugrat

No bastard ever actually buys anything, not even one lousy, stinking table mat.

You aren’t by chance using an email address that reads as ‘twatbasket.com’ are you (as per your username)?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:23 am Mim

4lb of doormats? Yes please! Where do I click?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:57 am Ed aka Voltaire

You aren’t by chance using an email address that reads as ‘twatbasket.com’ are you (as per your username)?

Don’t be ridiculous. What kind of porcupine’s purulent purse would do that?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 4:19 am G

Now to go back and use “find on this page” for the word “zanu”

Been wondering what the the “Zanu” bit of ZanuLiarBore means ever since I started reading SYB. At risk of sounding ignorant, can anyone enlighten me?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 4:59 am Ed aka Voltaire

It’s a strangely-motivated reference to ZANU-PF, the party of Robert Mugabe. An attempt to smear the Labour party by linking them with the communist guerrilla “liberation” movements of Africa. No, I don’t know why they did that either. The closest to an explanation would be that to people that right-wing, everything leftwards looks like that and it’s a genuine view.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 5:41 am One of the Eds

…that, and the fact that they were already typing out “nu” of “nu labour”, so it was only two extra key strokes, I think. On the scale of amusing inventiveness, it’s right up there with “Bliar”; comedy gold which only improves with each retelling…
on 02 Sep 2010 at 7:27 am Ed aka Voltaire

Yes, good call. Is there one above comedy gold? Platinum? Diamond? Uranium? Plutonium? PURECOMEDYGOLDIUM?

ps Dear interwebprogramminggeniuses, please fix the …/comment-page-$x/ problem. If you need help from a grown-up, let me know.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 8:02 am Oaf

Street address
Village
Post town
County
Postcode

That’s where I live too!
on 02 Sep 2010 at 8:39 am Goldstein

@tw,
Not wonder you don’t do any business. I went to basket.com and it’s just a placeholder site. You want to get that seen to.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 8:46 am Have Your Lurk

I’d like to buy one of those 4lb doormats. My current doormat weighs around 75 kg and she doesn’t even give me oral sex. I mean, fuck it, the whole point of being a doormat is to get walked all over. With a 4 lb doormat I reckon I could just shove it down my jocks and walk around with a permanent smile on my face. Aaaaand there’s the blah filter on the horizon, so I’m off. ‘Bye!
on 02 Sep 2010 at 9:05 am Mr Poo

@Ed aka Voltaire

It’s Rhodium. Pure comedy rhodium.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 9:45 am Undemocratic Speed Bump

This idea has the stench of the EU right through it.
Many years ago I lived in Middlesex, we were told that we were in the Londonn Borough of Hillingdon and Middlesex was no more. However to this day Middlesex is still used in official addresses, so tough.
Nothing will stop me referring to County names, as there would be no more county cricket.

- A tax-payer, England as was: not EU, 31/7/2010 12:3

Come on now, who’s been playing Daily Mail Golf on this thread? Stupid name, check. Link to EU, check check. Ludicrous tangent to something ‘English’ that clearly has nothing to do with anything, check. Twat, check.

This comment got in the top 5 best-rated, I’d say that’s under par.

In at number ten (edited because the post is dull):

Sadly, I know no-one in Shropshire, so cannot address envelopes to ‘Salop.’. I do have friends in Inverness-shire but it’s quite tricky getting all that onto the right side of a postcard.

Tediocre at best.

Just outside the top ten:

” I AM NOT JUST A NUMBER , I AM A COUNTY .”

- SARSFIELDS GHOST, LONDON, 31/7/2010 12:36

That better be someone taking the piss.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 9:52 am Mr Cat

I’ve not even bothered to read the comments here – the story is enough.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1307779/Diana-lingerie-outrage-Chinese-company-depict-princess-bra-knickers.html
on 02 Sep 2010 at 10:13 am Bugrat

The apparent attempt to exploit the princess’s image is the latest example of how firms around the world have sought to capitalise on her popularity and glamour.

Including Daily Mail and General Trust evidently, since the Mail featured the offending pic prominently..
on 02 Sep 2010 at 11:10 am Otter Bollocks

Diana lingerie is good but it’s not a patch on this http://www.soifound.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/diana-jade-goody.jpg
on 02 Sep 2010 at 11:33 am Christian vdB

[quote]I’ll always continue to use county names.[/quote]

I hope you do it till it Herts.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 11:52 am Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

@Christian vdB:

I hope you do it till it Herts.

Surely “Hitchen, Herts?”

In all tragic seriousness, I love the UK postcode system. I’m an ex-pat and I’m (physically) proud (cue cross of saint george being raised in the background) of being able to type “house number+postcode” into Google and a specific map being brought up.

(cue something like “The Lark ascending”)

Britain’s (and I mean this in the widest sense, including those little islands that think of themselves as French) key contribution to the world has been geographical thinking and spatial representation, amongst which has been the ability of the british postie (cue re-imagined shot from the Hovis ad, struggling up the cobble stones with a bag full of Amazon parcels) to deliver efficiently.

(slight pause, tearful gleam).
on 02 Sep 2010 at 12:15 pm My Pockets Hurt

I’ll always continue to use county names

As will all the other Berks, presumably.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 12:41 pm The Revenant

@christonabike

That logic template was so powerful that, when I read it, one of my eyes jolted sharply to the right. Only one, mind.

@ligne

I know! No Zanu whatsoever! Still, there’s enough Liebours, Broons, and Bliars in there to make the nostalgic shrill outragists give the old names one last hurrah.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 12:44 pm Have Your Lurk

I hope you do it till it Herts.

As will all the other Berks, presumably.

That’s the spirit, boys. Give ‘em the Worcs.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:03 pm Undemocratic Speed Bump

Hang on chaps and chappesses and all between. Hold le fucking phone. The Daily Mail runs with headline of the century:

God did NOT create the Universe, says Stephen Hawking – Professor Hawking believes the laws of physics were behind the Big Bang instead, in a challenge to traditional religious beliefs.

The laws of what?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:03 pm Bugrat

Would coat-claimers please form an orderly queue at the spare bedroom door..
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:20 pm Lurker in a Burkha

Would coat-claimers please form an orderly queue at the spare bedroom door..

How many Beds does your place have?

…

Ok, ok, I’m going.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:30 pm Kris

Herts

Berks

Worcs

You should work for the Sun. Make some real Bucks.

And now I hate myself.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 1:41 pm Noam Chomsky's Evil Twin

Stop it now guys, you’ll tie yourself in Notts.

And something, something, something, missing Lincs.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 2:33 pm Rotwatcher

@Otter Bollocks – Top link, tears streaming – ” … lives in a static dredger in Poole Harbour” indeed.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 2:34 pm Mal

And in further news, Prof. Hawking claims bears shit in woods and Pope is Catholic.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 2:47 pm Rotwatcher

This blog seems to think that SYB is worthy of inclusion in a list of the Worst 100 political blogs. Why stop there? I nominate SYB for inclusion in the list of the worst football managers, the best singles released in 1994 and the top holiday destinations for NHS middle managers.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 2:54 pm Mr Custard

Gets out atlas …
No … nothing … Oh fuck it, that’ll do:
Devon knows how they make it so creamy

We’re making berks of ourselves
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:05 pm funny peculiar

Mr. Hawking has chosen to worship his finite intellect and reject the infinite wisdom of his Creator. Oh! Mr. Hawking, it is even now not too late to turn the other direction and ask God to forgive your ignorance. Lordliarlunatic – Daily Telegraph

OH… GOD.
I… AM… A… SIN-NER.
I… HAVE… BEEN… BLIND… BUT… NOW… I… SEE… CLEARLY…
I… RE-PENT.
I… RE-PENT.
I… RE-PENT.
I… RE-PENT.
I… RE-PENT.
PENT
PENT
PENT
PENT
P
P
P
P
…
FUCK-ING… CHEAP… BLOOD-Y… PET-ROL… STA-TION… BA-TER-RIES… SOR-RY… GOD… WHERE… WAS… I… ?
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:12 pm Undemocratic Speed Bump

Mr. Hawking, it is even now not too late to turn the other direction

That’s just cruel
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:40 pm Kris

@Rotwatcher

There’s something really fucking depressing about that list. Probably the fact that the only cunts commenting are the cunts on the list. It seems the only people who read political blogs are other political bloggers, because no one else gives a flying fox cock who some arsehole with a laptop thinks should be the next Labour leader.
It’s a good argument for not defining yourself as left-wing; you get associated with those tedious fucking pricks.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:46 pm Have Your Lurk

I vote for “flying fox cock” to be entered in the Hall of Animal Fannies along with “pan fried otter bollock”.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:48 pm ligne

The Revenant> yeah, it brought a tear to my eye. a glistening one. all it’s missing is an Adolf McHarrietler Hitler ManHateler hARPerson or two, and my day would be complete.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 3:58 pm Timmy Taylor

I hope Harriet Harman becomes Labour leader and wins the next election. It will be like life under the Taliban in the UK, only with females ruling and men the sub species.
Me, I have just bought a nice two bedroom apartment in Kabul, very cheap and the standard of living is better than the UK. More white faces about as well, although most are wearing uniforms and carrying guns. All the locals are on their way to the UK to claim free council houses and benefits.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 4:10 pm Lurker in a Burkha

Fuck my hat, Timmy Taylor. FUCK IT HARD!

That is all
on 02 Sep 2010 at 4:22 pm Mim

Ooh, can we have more Tims for our collection? Two just ain’t enough.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 4:56 pm Clovis Sangrail

Yay! Timmy! fucking kent
on 02 Sep 2010 at 5:07 pm Mouse

Does Timmy have a political blog? Is it top of the list of worst political blogs?

I hope so, he needs something to be proud of
on 02 Sep 2010 at 5:20 pm Ann Widdecombe's Pantiliner

It’s only me from over the sea
Said Barnacle Bill the sailor.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 5:40 pm Marx & Sparx

The only thing Timmy Taylor is proud of is his tiny todger, matched only in size by his capacity for reasoned thought or debate. He also besmirches the name of a damn fine brew. Tiny Tim would be more apt.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 5:47 pm Otter Bollocks

@ Marx & Sparx – there are many things that would be more apt to describe TT – the best one being “cunt stick”.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 6:37 pm Yourockyourule

@Timmy Taylor
What a Berkshire Hunt
on 02 Sep 2010 at 10:02 pm Timmy Taylor

My eyes have gone numb at all the insults, I guess you are all Harriet Harman fans then?

Its freezing here in Kabul in the evening and the nightlifes dreadful, still, the council tax is low and I get to keep what I earn instead of being forced to donate most of it to asylum seekers, chavs, bankers and MPs.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 10:31 pm welsh boy

@Timmy Tosser

As we’d believe that they’d let you live in Kabul – the afghanis have too much class for that.
on 02 Sep 2010 at 11:15 pm tw@basket.com

Perhaps somebody with access to the server logs can tell us the rough location of Timmy Tosspot’s IP address? It won’t be anywhere in the middle east that’s for sure.

Can we get back to the crap puns now? Nobody has done anything with Surrey yet. Come on. You know you want to. You will be Surrey if you don’t.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 12:16 am Bugrat

…a list of the Worst 100 political blogs.

Very, very surprised not to see the crazed BiasedBBC somewhere near the top of that list.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 12:27 am Mim

That’s because Surrey seems to be the hardest word.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 1:46 am Pete Tong

A group of Afganistani refugees where given housing in Hull, but went back to Helmand Province stating that they were not prepared to live in that dangerous hellhole, even with benefits.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 2:27 am Cylux

I don’t understand why people get upset about those with benefits, I have a quite a few friends with benefits and the experience is very enjoyable.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 7:33 am Have Your Lurk

Maybe I’m missing something, but to me, at least, it’s clear that Timmy Taylor is just taking the wee-wee and extracting the Michael. Tim nice but dim was (is) a cunt, and I know of which I speak ’cause it takes one to know one, but the posts of Mr. Taylor, Esq. are intended in a humorous vein. So, go easy with the Staffs, yeah? I mean, it’s easy to Glos over this kind of thing but when the humour of the whole site Wilts just because of a guy who Kent help himself, then… *voice muffled by own coat being thrown at self, followed by shouts of “Get the fuck out!” etc.*
on 03 Sep 2010 at 10:21 am Ugly Newt

Yes, Timmy’s trolling, in the sense that he’s not that interested in serious political discussion and is primarily here for a windup. And that’s what the site’s about.

But what he’s spewing is no different from the mass fuckwittery found on HYS, CiF or the Daily Mail comments section – parodies have to demonstrate some self-awareness, an understanding of why the parodied stance is invalid or problematic. “life wud be better in Kabul lol” doesn’t cut it, and leaves the impression that Timmy really does think he’s bringing up challenging and inconvenient truths.

In short – he’s behaving like a clue-repelling cockwomble, on a site dedicated to cockwomble-mocking. “going easy” isn’t a requirement.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 10:46 am Soulboy

Here is one for fans of puerile double entendre. Check out the sub-heading on the front page of the Daily Express a couple of days ago -

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/ourpaper/view/2010-09-01

How much does a semi have to rise before it is officially reclassified as a lazy lob?
on 03 Sep 2010 at 11:42 am welsh boy

@mim

oh no you only Gwent and said it!
on 03 Sep 2010 at 12:11 pm Mal

I’m wonder why these county cunts neither kill themselves Norfolk off.

Hangs head in shame.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 1:19 pm Have Your Lurk

leaves the impression that Timmy really does think he’s bringing up challenging and inconvenient truths.

Well, he’s not very good at it, then. SYB is pretty much Fear and Lothian-proof.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 1:32 pm Ugly Newt

Up until the point that one of them finds a genuine objection to the postcode system, an unending torrent of uninformed anti-EU sCornwall see them through.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 2:00 pm Timmy Taylor

From the BBC “are Brits drinking less thread”

11. At 08:36am on 03 Sep 2010, Rufus McDufus wrote:
I don’t wish to turn this HYS into something altogether more unpleasant, but could the increasing number of Muslims be a contributing factor?

We get closer to sharia law every day!
on 03 Sep 2010 at 2:03 pm Mouse

This whole thing Borders on the ridiculous.

I can’t believe I joined in, I feel dirty.

Also, @Pete Tong – Afganistani? Really?
on 03 Sep 2010 at 2:16 pm Have Your Lurk

What with the anti-Sharia HYSsers and the county puns, I don’t Norwich is worse.
on 03 Sep 2010 at 3:05 pm tw@basket.com

We get closer to sharia law every day!

Ah, so we should all do everything forbidden in Sharia in order to demonstrate our national freedom from its influence?

OK. I’ll start by opening a bottle and you can start by committing suicide*. Cheers!

(* – Idea plagiarised from an obscure old Jewish joke.)
on 04 Sep 2010 at 12:38 am Sean

I am a proud publican and will not stand for the Muslims imposing Sharia law or the EU banning our counties! Ian Putt. Write to me at:
I Putt
The Cock Inn
Tillit
Herts
on 04 Sep 2010 at 7:56 am Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

Ian Putt goes in dry, or not at all!
on 04 Sep 2010 at 11:24 am john Adair's Gerbil

This is as bad as Private Eye’s Psedo Names thing.

Yours,

Ed, in ‘boro.
on 04 Sep 2010 at 12:08 pm Prefers to be anon

This thread is a solid and unbroken slab of appallingly, corny comments. It’s like a corn wall in my opinion.

Fuck the coat, I’m just gonna start sprinting right now.
on 04 Sep 2010 at 12:32 pm Undemocratic Speed Bump

An earthquake in New Zealand, no one killed but a bit of damage – what’s your first response?

specify
03 September 2010 20:33:31
will britain or any other western country offer aide. I doubt it, they are not a muslim country.

Almost totally incoherent racism!
on 04 Sep 2010 at 2:25 pm RIPOFF BRITIAN

See, these disasters happen just so specify may sit in front of his PC and take advantage of the occasion in order to post incensitive racist shit on news websites.

Floods in Pakistan, hundreds dead, thousands homeless? well! time to switch on the ol’ laptop methinks!
on 04 Sep 2010 at 2:39 pm Kris

specify
03 September 2010 20:33:31
will britain or any other western country offer aide. I doubt it, they are not a muslim country.

Yeah cos everyone loves Muslims so fucking much. The whole world bends over backwards to accomodate Muslims. What about decent, hard working white people, eh? Where’s OUR world domination?

He’s totally bang on. No one donated a penny when Hurricane Katrina hit or Haiti had an earthquake. Nope. Not a dime.
on 04 Sep 2010 at 10:42 pm tw@basket.com

Specify probably thinks that Haitians are Muslims, either that or he instantly forgets about every humanitarian disaster that isn’t worth filing away in his big book of “Why white people are the real victims not all those other people with no houses or food standing up to their waists in polluted water”.
on 04 Sep 2010 at 10:52 pm Cylux

Over at Your Freedom waynehenshaw asked: Is the UK beyond salvage?

I ask this question openly, but am interested to hear what others think…..

Is our society too far gone to be redeamable?

The underclass, benefit reliance, drugs, crime, anti-social behaviour, the media undermining every valiant effort, can the coallition be expected to overcome all of this without taking a eugenic approach to vast tracts of the country?

You get the feeling that Wayne might be the kind of chap who could in all seriousness say that “Hitler might have gone a little far”. Luckily most of the comments are from people calling him a clunge until, of course, govt_helper submits his latest essay, where it now transpires that feminists and capitalists are co-conspiritors:

Hello Wayne

*********************

The underclass, benefit reliance, drugs, crime, anti-social behaviour, the media undermining every valiant effort, can the coallition be expected to overcome all of this without taking a eugenic approach to vast tracts of the country?

***************************************

I know what you mean Wayne.

It looks hopeless doesn’t it.

Many of the comments above are basically reflecting a mental state of DENIAL.

You know, the way ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they see a predator coming, with the idea that if they don’t look at it, it isn’t there.

e.g. Johnny B above saying the crime rate is lowest it’s ever been – yeah, the OFFICIAL one.

Because people don’t even bother REPORTING crime most of the time now because they know the police aren’t going to do anything much, and the perpetrators are unlikely to be caught.

Sometimes people don’t report crime even out of SHEER FEAR because they know that if they are seen to report to the police they could be victimised far worse.

Every few weeks passes by, and we get another “mad gunman” who wants to shoot everybody or shoots his wife and children dead and then himself, or some children murder some other children, or bully them to death.

Ex Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was so convinced that crime was going down, she admitted she wouldn’t even go out at night in her own constituency, and Harriet Harman wore a flak jacket even when touring around a not “well to do” district, even WITH A POLICE ESCORT.

I haven’t seen the stats lately, but the last one I heard was that crime OVER ALL (and I just mean the REPORTED kind) was going down, but VIOLENT CRIME was still going up.

Then there’s JohnnyB’s claim we are wealthier than ever. Yes, for those who aren’t part of the UNDERCLASS, or aren’t in thier THOUSANDS begging on the streets, we are sort of better off if you ignore the fact that we are in TRILLIONS of debt, both as individuals and as a nation.

We in fact only enjoy the current material status we do, because we are EXPLOITING THE THIRD WORLD, so our “high standard of living” is not only beyond our means, but also based on a form of piracy.

So as to your question, are we beyond salvage?

Yes, we are, unless we are willing to make MASSIVE FUNDAMENTAL CHANGES.

Firstly, as you point out, or imply, we are MASSIVELY OVERPOPULATED.

There were less than 40 million in 1901 and now we’re touching 60 million, and almost all of the population is jammed into England, making us between 2 and 4 times more overpopulated than most European countries like France or Germany.

So for Nick Clegg to have talked of an amnesty for illegal immigrants, even if there was SOME sense in what he was saying, was most likely the reason we didn’t get a Liberal government and ended up with the Coalition.

(up until that point, some polls were showring support for the LIberals and Mr Clegg at 50.1% of the vote, EASILY enough to win the election outright).

But obviously you have been demonised for the word “eugenics”, but I think all you really meant is we’ve got to

a) cut down the population somehow
b) get some sense back into society, because people of all classes have become their own worst enemies.

The problem is as JohnnyB has highlighted that we judge to much by THE MATERIAL STANDARD of our society.

If we’ve got nice houses, cars and mobile phones, we’re supposed to believe that those things are enough to make us happy, but they are not, and the only real business of a society which will make people happy or not so is THE QUALITY OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS.

People need to feel they are CARED ABOUT, RESPECTED, to say “loved” would be asking too much, but most people won’t be happy unless they feel loved by SOMEBODY.

And then, if they DON’T get loved, respected, cared about, they’ll end up like Raoul Moat, alienated from society, and ready to destroy it, and that of course creates not only Raoul Moats but the gangster culture and vandal, hooligan and disrespectful people in general, especially youth.

We have to return to what are now called “old fashioned values”, and the politicians themselves are starting to wake up to it, and talking about supporting “the family”, “the community” and so on, with Mr Cameron and his “big society” roughly expressing those sentiments.

But leadership has to come FROM THE TOP, the Coalition can’t pretend that communities can solve their own problems, because they can’t unless the material and conditions for them to do so are put in place.

i.e. we have a shortage of jobs which appears insoluble.

No it’s not. It’s EASILY solvable, though admittedly not overnight.

You just have to raise taxes – about 70% on those earning over £100k.

With that money you fund PROPER PUBLIC SERVICES.

If the poor greedy “taxpayer” wants good PUBLIC SERVICES, like schools, hospitals, police, etc. then he/she has got to start getting out of denial and back in touch with REALITY and accepting the fact that he/she is going to have to PAY for them.

Also we need to restart as many industries as possible, but an even quicker move is to discourage mothers with children under 10 from working.

Then there’d be loads of jobs to go around for everyone.

Restore men’s role as breadwinner as much as possible, so women can take care of their children PROPERLY, so they grow up feeling cared for, protected, instead of into young hooligans and tearaways who force us to spend MILLIONS on putting ineffective road humps all over the place (yet another feminist influenced policy) and become drug users and gangsters.

So you see, the problem with the above is THE FEMINIST won’t stand for it.

They demand women must work, that it’s ok to dump their children in nurseries or with childminders, and men’s jobs are not protected, or prioritised as they should be.

So not only would the feminists HOWL that the above policies I’ve listed, probably about 50% of women in general would AS THINGS STAND, because now they are used to having their own money and not depending on men, they SHORT SIGHTEDLY don’t see the awful consequences on society of them working and neglecting their children and ousting men from being able to find good enough jobs to support families.

I know young men personally for example, who tell me they are trying (unsuccessfully) to find a job good enough to justify them having a girlfriend and getting married.

If they don’t earn enough, have a good enough job, they feel inadequate.

So of course the LESS CIVILISED young men just say “screw the system” and become gangsters, or drop out altogether and become drug and (probably) porn addicts.

The feminist leaders know all this, but are quite happy to watch men being DESTROYED en masse out of vengeance, due to their lifelong hate of men they acquired in childhood.

So, I’ll put it in a nutshell Wayne. If we don’t get rid of FEMINISM and the out of control capitalism that accompanies it, i.e. demands that taxes must not go a penny over 50% even on the rich, then yes, WE ARE BEYOND SALVAGE/SALVATION.

Everything will get WORSE AND WORSE, MORE AND MORE PAINFUL, until people “repent” and start living according to “traditional values” once again, based on a more equal system than we have, in which the roles of men are respected and protected just as much as the TRADITIONAL roles of women.

Yes, sure, women without young children can have jobs, just as long as there’s plenty to go around, which there will be, once working mothers of young children stop working, and we restore as much of British industry as possible for men.

Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I really hope that every job govt_helper has ever applied for, a women was selected for the position instead.
on 04 Sep 2010 at 11:41 pm Bugrat

Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I really hope that every job govt_helper has ever applied for, a women was selected for the position instead.>/blockquote>
I think it likely that every job application govt_helper has ever made has ended up in the bin. 27 pages of tiny script in green felt-tip tends not to impress Human Resources departments.
on 05 Sep 2010 at 12:29 am Hog Lumps

Don’t really know where else to put this, so I’m just going to whack it in here. Today I served a definite HYSer at my job in Waitrose. There were several clues. First, he bought the Daily Mail. Second, he was wearing a mixture of smart shirt and trousers, and a very 90s Janet Street-Porter purple rucksack, which made him look both pathetic and a little bit mental. But mostly, he was yammering on to the nearest person (the petrified woman in the queue behind him) about all the classic HYS shit. He mentioned bringing England back to the way it was, the Euro, Tony Blair, Germany, the EU in general, and the war. It was amazing. They’re so much more pitiful in real life.
Also, yes, I work in Waitrose, on a checkout. Don’t judge me, I’m 18.
on 05 Sep 2010 at 1:46 am Pirate Pete

Hog Lumps, I trust you had a look on your face that simultaneously conveyed pity and disgust…

And before anyone else says it, yes I’m the dirty Salop of the SYB crew
on 05 Sep 2010 at 4:02 am Ed aka Voltaire

@Pirate Pete

I always thought of you as more of a Vladimir*.

(Think the PM of Russia in case it’s not blindingly obvious)
on 05 Sep 2010 at 8:28 am Bugrat

Now if it didn’t take re-loading the page, doing the clicky, then scanning through everything else to check that one’s pearl of shitdom had appeared, I might have noticed that BLOODY BLOCKQUOTE FAIL (sorry).
on 05 Sep 2010 at 9:38 am Have Your Lurk

Hog Lumps,
Why would we judge you? You’ve got a job, you turn up and do it, etc.
C
on 05 Sep 2010 at 10:51 am Undemocratic (and feminist) Speed Bump

instead of into young hooligans and tearaways who force us to spend MILLIONS on putting ineffective road humps all over the place (yet another feminist influenced policy) and become drug users and gangsters.

I will never tire of hearing people put speed bump policy ahead of drug policy and crime policy. Is the Your Freedom site closing soon?
on 05 Sep 2010 at 2:08 pm jpr

huge numbers of wankers still insist that they live in Middlesex because they can’t bring themselves to admit that they live in vibrant, multicultural London

I used to live in a bit of Middlesex that wasn’t in London* – it was in Surrey. So saying I lived in Middlesex was all I had left, really.

*Staines

An earthquake in New Zealand, no one killed but a bit of damage – what’s your first response?

specify
03 September 2010 20:33:31
will britain or any other western country offer aide. I doubt it, they are not a muslim country.

I don’t know about aid, but we pointed and laughed from the other side of the Tasman Sea.

But only a little bit.
on 05 Sep 2010 at 2:45 pm new scientist

Yes, sure, women without young children can have jobs, just as long as there’s plenty to go around

When I and my future all-female team of scientists discover the cure for genital herpes, I’ll make sure no one tells govt_helper.

Cunt.
on 05 Sep 2010 at 5:07 pm Have Your Lurk

uge numbers of wankers still insist that they live in Middlesex because they can’t bring themselves to admit that they live in vibrant, multicultural London

I wasn’t aware that such in-depth sociological research on wankers had been conducted. Why wasn’t I consulted?
on 05 Sep 2010 at 5:31 pm Kris

Yes crime stats might TECHNICALLY be going down, but if you dismiss them for no reason and ASSUME crime triples every 4 days, then YES, feminists ARE destroying this country.

Also

porn addicts

Heh…hehehe.
on 06 Sep 2010 at 12:02 pm Bugrat

Well, I’m definitely off now to join the British Parcel Resistance Force.

Trying to track down a forty quid package sent from Europe via EMS, and which should have arrived a week ago, properly addressed and all.

Parcelforce can’t find it, even after actually talking to an actual human and everything, and their system is down so they can’t track it.

Fuck the lot of them..

"If you love Nazis so much..
why don't you go live there?"

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Nazis so much.. why don't you go live there?"

113 Responses to “British Parcel Resistance Force”

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"If you love Nazis so much..
why don't you go live there?"