Milk Of Human Kindness, Use By 12.10.10
By GainsbourgCrikey found this story on the Daily Record website, concerning one “tragic businesswoman” who’d jumped to her death from the fourth floor of an Edinburgh hotel. That this tragic businesswoman chose to take her own life at rush-hour, the Record considers to be a very important detail. So let’s not forget that. Ever. On her headstone should be engraved:
Tragic Businesswoman, b. 1980 ~ d. rush-hour 2010
People often wonder what’s a decent length of time before it’s acceptable to start being honest about the dead. With suicide, you can safely bypass all that. It’s the point at which a life may be reduced to an inconvenience, and the usual rules are suspended. Your ignorant squawks of disapproval will generally be tolerated, sometimes applauded, even before rigor mortis has set in. And if anyone doesn’t like it you can lean on the mantlepiece, wagging finger aloft, and go: “blah blah selfish waffle waffle cowardly blah blah 3-mile tailback.” Others will sit around in plush armchairs, nodding sagely and occasionally harrumphing. An ornate Georgian clock will tick in the background.
None of this will make you any less of a cunt, but at least you’ll believe that you’ve claimed the moral high ground and eventually die with a clear conscience. And on that score at least, you’ll have won.
You’ll have fucking won.
i don’t get it why do people take their own lives
no matter how bad or dire your life is you need to say to yourself its going to get better
my heart goes out to the family
3inarowithinkno
Just remember that, when you’re standing on the edge of existence, deafened by the screams of a tormented world, nothing but bleak plains of sorrow sprawling endlessly before you, and behind you, the cracked shell of your own soul. Remember: it’s going to get better.
Goodness, what came over me? Sorry about that, vicar. Another slice of parkin?
im sorry, i have been severely depressed and considered suicide myself, but i would never have dreamed of doing so in a way that others are involved. i cant bring myself to feel sorry for the woman, who would put people in that situation to have to witness that??? what about the poor kids that would have been subjected to that??? or the poor people she may have took out with her??? sorry to her family, but im terribly sorry, she not getting my simpathy vote
amber78
There’s a certain breed of human being whose first instinct, when faced with a tragedy of some kind, is to start snuffling round for reasons not to give a shit. amber78 is a fine example. Even with the supposed ability to view the event through the prism of shared experience, she’s more than happy to toss that prism aside and say, “nope, I refuse to let this ruin one second of my day! And here’s why: blah blah selfish, etc.”
Perhaps they fear the weight of empathy will overwhelm them, and are trying to convince themselves more than they are the rest of us. Perhaps they’re too unimaginative to see such complex and emotive issues in anything other than purely binary terms. Perhaps they’re just arseholes. Whatever. They fill me with equal parts boredom and despair, and I wish they’d keep their opinions to themselves.
238 Responses to “Milk Of Human Kindness, Use By 12.10.10”
The question, of course, is “Did she jump or was she pushed?” After all, language mutilation like this “sentence”…
…is certainly enough to make me want to throw amber78 off the fourth floor of an Edinburgh hotel into rush hour traffic.
Tragic, but at least it was a five star HILTON owned hotel she jumped from. Classy lady. I’m glad our press has it’s reporting priorities correct.
3inarow thinks an awful lot about kids, methinks, and doth protest too much.
Pedo.
I know people who were there; it was a big mess but there was no danger of her hitting kids on the way to school; the nearest one is nearly a mile away and the hotel is in the middle of the financial district. Wage slave, yes. Kids, no.
You may also not get the symbolism of 3inarow s name; he’s a Rangers fan and therefore part of Scotlands brain dead underclass (don’t get me started on the other half of the downtrodden plastic paddys)
I enjoyed (translation: wanted to prick out my eyes with a safety pin) this comment on same from saltcoats:
‘a sad tale but what relevance does the statement of Andrew Wright have ? he never saw it happen he turned up 10 minutes later, and how does a Big Issue vendor manage to go home soon after that, aren’t they meant to be homeless?????’
The idea that a Big Issue seller has anywhere else to go after work other than a rat-infested piss-stained cardboard box clearly outrages saltcoats’ delicate sensibilities. The cunt.
Gainsbourg has done this story justice. I was cycling by and saw the poor woman’s body draped in a blanket with bits of blood on it. Had I been ten minutes earlier I sadly would have seen her jump, something I’m glad I missed to be frank. Amber78 is clearly a twat and doesn’t have clinical depression – I can tell you that I do and the last thing you think about when your brain breaks into automatic “top yourself” pilot, is the consequences of your actions. Something has broken far beyond any logical reason if you want to kill yourself so yes, this woman does deserve sympathy because she must have been in a desperate state. Amber78 on the other hand probably equates “severe depression” with a case of the winter blues and getting over Jordan and Pete’s break up.
Cunt.
For most people empathy comes relatively easy in times of tragedy. But for amber87 it’s a real challenge that requires pushing and convincing yourself it’s worth it. Like a hangover poo
Saltcoats has the best response.
A young woman cannot bear life in spite of her successes. The story has the potential to cause one to contemplate their own existence. But, what the fuck is the Record reporting on all this shit for when a Big Issue vendor might actually have a home? I don’t buy the magazine or anything, but he could be a fucking immigrant as well.
Sympathy vote? Was she running for some sort of public office as well? Well I’m terribly, terribly sorry, but she can’t top herself and expect to get voted in.
@Crikey: Nasty small-minded people get depression too. Maybe Amber78 has managed to plumb the abyss without in any way gaining any sort of insight or empathy, and has rebuilt herself into the mental-illness equivalent of the self-made prick who believes that if he can do it so can anyone and that the unemployed should therefore be rounded up and shot.
I hope that if I ever relapse to the point of being suicidal again I can retain enough of a grasp of normality to attempt to land on Amber78. That way at least she’d actually have something to accuse me of in her dying breath that wasn’t just a sign of her unbelievable resistance to compassion.
it’s a real challenge that requires pushing and convincing yourself it’s worth it. Like a hangover poo
Snort!
Damn. Have felt guilty since I posted that.
Maybe she’s mainly motivated by her own guilt at having considered suicide, maybe part of her resents the fact that someone else has taken what could still be quite an appealing way out of a situation that she’s still trapped in. It was very unfair of me to suggest that she must necessarily be an awful person.
That said, she really didn’t have to post her comment. And the things she does to question marks are inexcusable.
These reactions remind me of a similar situation a few months agao when JSP wrote that inflammatory, badly expressed article on depression, which some interpreted as calling depression pretty much “the newest in thing to have”. I realise that is simplifying what she wrote, but the point is still the same.
A lot of people seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding to the true nature of depression and severe mental illness. You can see it from time to time with the reporting of schizophrenia (or even the use of the word in day to day language).
It saddens me that people feel the need to put such insensitive comments on the article. Perhaps they should try researching depression instead of slamming out an ill-informed comment with a screwed up fist of indignation.
It’s only my personal view, but I believe if someone had truly experienced major, chronic depression they wouldn’t be so swift to denounce the poor woman.
*Sigh*
Depression, of course, doesn’t exist, it’s only an excuse used by benefit scroungers to claim £5,000 a week in DLA and Housing Benefit. Apparently.
What we need is to reassess everybody to make sure they’re properly mad. And just to make sure, let’s have the assessments conducted by someone with an indepth knowledge of psychology, psychiatry and the delicate nature of work rehabilitation. Like a gynaecologist. [/true story, sadly]
I think he’s selling himself short. In the “Inane Statements of a Fuckwit” category, that’s totally a three-in-a-row.
On The Guardian’s CiF pages there was an article bemoaning the treatment of the “Baby P” case by politicians. A maggot living in a turd called Meravie wondered
Is that simplifying? The headline was ‘Depression; it’s just the the trendy new illness!’
Maybe you’re giving that squaking crow woman too much credit. And by too much, I mean any.
The Daily Record can consider itself in priveleged company in that it shares the distinction of being labeled ‘Scotlands Shame’ alongside obesity, binge drinking, heart disease and some football hooligans.
But Kirsty Wark more than makes up for it.
Welcome to the Internet. If these people sadden you, perhaps you should try laughing at them and calling them rude names.
Welcome to SYB.
Were his initials AKB?
So is Meravie a turd-dwelling maggot, or a turd with a maggot inside her that does her thinking for her?
Anyway, that Alan Turing, he was a selfish bastard too, leaving apple cores lying around to go mouldy on the lino. If he’d just had the courage to hold on for another thirteen years till homosexuality was legalised, everything would have got better.
I know it was the Daily Record – hardly a pillar of quality journalism, I know. However, a Google search with “woman suicide edinburgh” threw up that little gem and it’s good to share. Especially when the people typing on the interweb are special little wankers. I’m still getting over Saltcoats assertion that the man selling the Big Issue clearly had no place commenting on the event when 1) he didn’t see her jump and 2) was homeless and therefore lived in a piss-stained cardboard box – and how dare he call it anything like a home when clearly that’s a damned lie. I bet Saltcoats routinely savages the homeless people of Edinburgh and deliberately doesn’t buy the Big Issue from homeless people because they’re not really homeless.
He’s doing a real service to the community that Saltcoats, let’s not discourage the fella!
Either. Or both.
@Fish – Up for what does Kirsty Wark make? Ghastly old bat.
Seeing the lady fall to her death from the 4th floor would have been a terrible thing for a child to witness.
However, if she dropped an apple at the same time as she jumped, any passing child would have seen the lady and the apple impact at the same time and learnt that the mass of an object does not affect the rate of acceleration due to gravity – and they wouldn’t forget it.
If only suicidal people could just be a little more considerate when they decide enough is enough and maybe create something out of their deaths.
I read this with some sadness, it reminded me a little of the death of a scientist driving a G-Wiz the other week and the total outpouring of cuntiffery that followed on the Daily mail’s comments section.
You don’t need to be psychic to guess what sort of shit most readers have spewed forth, but as an example:
Methinks Dave-O is a total, utter fuckstick
@Lurkha
Class act rachel is near the top:
Yeah, you tell her. And let every cyclist and pedestrian you ever see near a road that they’re raving fuckwits as well.
@Kris.
Fair point, I had admittedly forgotten just how bad the article was. I just remembered thinking it was one of the worst things I’d ever read at the time.
I just couldn’t bring myself to read it again to remind myself what was actually in it.
You’re right, I doubt she deserves any credit. The whole thing is just self-righteous bullshit.
@Dean Cramvoid, yeah I know. I’ve been reading this site for a few years now but I don’t usually bother to comment because the article is usually enough to speak for itself.
I should know better than to lament it really. But I can’t help but want to put my face through the screen sometimes…
Hear that whooshing sound of that going right over my head? Is it a Dead Ringers thing?
@Dean
Bastard! I was drinking when I read that and something went down the wrong way, and now I’m stuck in a coughing fit!
And there’s something creepy about the way amber78 refers to “the woman”. As if the use of a pronoun would have humanised her somehow…… we can’t have that can we amber, you sermonising fuckwit?
@ Fish
Check: http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/?s=andy+kadir+buxton&submit=Search
You don’t know about AKB? Man, you’re in for a treat. Put ‘Andy Kadir-Buxton’ in the SYB search bar. And google the Kadir-Buxton method.
I used to work with a ‘man’ who refused to buy the Big Issue because its vendors were too clean.
Turing? Wouldn’t have got better. Why?
Drinking was better when you were 17 and it was still illegal. When you’re 40 and you need to neck a bottle of gin before going to work, it’s just a chore.
Same thing for bumming, innit.
I was depressed once.
But then I bounced back, and I was OK.
I think I’ve established a new personal record for mood changes – less than thirty seconds from the high of ‘Fantastic, there’s a new SYB!’ to the crushing despair of knowing I share a world with Amber78.
Still, if this does cause me to have a relapse into my depression, at least I’ll have her holier-than-the-dead sneers to remind me of the proper way to kill myself.
The crusty cat’s cuntpipe.
I have to thank you one and all, this thread and its comments have been truly inspiring. Apart from the sadness of the story, the resulting comments towards insensitive twats posting their passing stools for thoughts on a page saying “comment” has had me chuckling no end.
It took me a few days to forget about seeing that woman on the pavement, mainly because I’ve been in the position where you seriously contemplate ending it all and it’s not a pleasant place to be. Which is why people like Ambersmellypits really get on my tits. Clueless fuckwits. Eye witness accounts of the event are particularly harrowing and I am still in awe that people can be so fucking anal that they complain about the rights of a homeless person to coin the use of the word “homeless” and whether someone at the end of their rope is selfish enough to kill themselves.
There really are too many people who should be routinely spanked by David Cameron and George Osborne in full S&M garb.
@random punter and @Kris, thanks, if thanks is the right expression: that’s my head fucked for a week now…
@ Saint Ted Aunt
Cheers! I had similar feelings upon reading this thread this morning but couldn’t bear to articulate them. I was just about to get on the central line. I didn’t want to be a cunt and, well, you know, be an inconvenience to Amber78 and her ilk and throw myself under a train.
However, I do have one final comment on Amber78. She said she’s contemplated suicide but wouldn’t want to inconvenience others. Well some poor bastard will either search for her if she’s not been back for her beans on toast like she does every Friday or someone will have to notify the cop shop when they find her. Question is, is she more of aninconvenience in life than she would be if…….
Oh dear, that’s very wrong of me but still – a sick point well made. I’d slap some sense into her if I didn’t think the very action would be an inconvenience to my hand as well as her face.
@Fish
Luckily for you, there is a Method for dealing with a fucked up head.
Also, I have never been offered a Big Issue. I would totally buy it every time if I was. I even give money to those guys who make up rubbish stories about being late for a job interview and needing bus money. I just wish they’d be honest. If they need heroin I would just as happily give them the change.
Either I’m quite nice, or a fucking idiot.
It would be redundant to point out that Amber78 appears to be so lacking in empathy that she might as well be one of Dick’s androids, albeit with an intellect that can barely keep her abreast of her own bowel movements.
It’s equally redundant to visualise her being tied to a post and pelted with rotting dingo scrotae while her own repellent comments are recited by Brian Blessed, then blasted into her ears by towering speaker stacks for forty-eight hours on the trot, but it cheered me up.
So does Ian Cheese, thinking deep thoughts on the Lisbon Treaty-
- The only person on Earth who likes to cosplay as Basil Fawlty.
Who says they don’t make ludicrously self-important cockheads like they used to, eh?
Yeah, amber78′s post lacks a certain amount of empathy, and is quite naive.
But my god, the glee with which she’s being judged and picked apart on here makes me feel a little ill.
I love this site (long time reader, first time commenter, etc etc etc). It would be a shame if the belowtheliners here became as judgmental, blinkered and lacking in compassion as the silly sods that SYB exists to monitor.
@ Jon
A little ill?
It’s late, I’m drunkish, I can’t complain, I’ve had a good night. Unlike any random about now committing suicide. But fuck em, right? About now I’m laying in tranquility awaiting the next fuckathon. My privileged life is fucking amazing. In fact, I empathise with Amber78.
Having to non-witness such a traumatic ordeal must really impact on his/her day to day events. Especially when they read an article and spit hot jizzism like a wanker.
I, obviously, apologise if I’ve come across as a belowtheliner.
Wha?
Where’s Kelvin when you need him?
@Jon
You don’t like the way that she’s been picked apart and judged?! Isn’t that what we do on this site? A bunch of deranged clunges on the internet feel the need to be either stupid/racist/insensitive/stupid and we tear them apart. I can’t figure out if you’re a long term reader why this particular thread tipped the balance for you!
One possible reason for all the anger pointed at amber78 is that it’s been a while since the last thread, and the daily hate has been building up.
Perhaps commenters should adopt a more careful policy for flaming the guest stars: rebut the ill-thought waffle they posted, call them a fauna fundament and move on. Hate the sin, sigh condescendingly at the sinner, and all that.
We can save the twisted revenge fantasies for persistent bellends like I, Cheese.
It’s a little outside the remit of SYB, but if you fancy some slightly more cheerful mental, have a look at your local authorities website. Find the last report on a consultation. It doesn’t matter what people were consulted about, any one will do. Read the long list of comments submitted by the public (usually in the appendices) until your soul starts to hurt. Feel immense sympathy for the poor bastards that have to staff these consultation events (the written responses are the considered ones, imagine some of the impromptu verbal outbursts).
As a brief example:
“with new system, at least 30 councillors are redundant. Close down GCP and associated guano’s down better times come. Make council more efficient (letter 6 pages 1 with just signature on. Duplication departments don’t converse with each other. no leadership. clear out top get fresh blood in. Drop green nonsense. then start looking at services to public which could cut if council ran a tight ship there wouldn’t be a need of cuts and rises in tax.”
Sounds like someone has dropped a little too much Green Nonsense lately.
Dick androids? I don’t know whether to be scared, or aroused.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe… and knobbed them.
On Ian Cheese;
Of course John Cleese was originally called John Cheese.
Cosplay..?
It may be that she really is susceptible to depression and this story has triggered some of the shitty thoughts that accompany it. After all, the phrase “self-hating depressive” is almost a pleonasm.
However, if that were the case, I don’t think she would have identified herself as depressive, unless she were to use it as an opportunity to take a few digs at herself. And she wouldn’t bother to say she is sorry for not feeling sorry.
So it’s just another variation on that tired old construction: I’m not a racist but [..arse-spatter].
She forgot to mention the tax money used to clean up the pavement. Money that might have been spent on public notices saying: Please show some consideration when disposing of yourself. Remember, this is a business area, not youtube. Thank you..
That reads like one of my occasional slice n dice versions of Tim Nice But Dim’s arseblurts..
Trying for “quangos” there, I think, with a little Freudian nod to the subconscious knowledge that they are talking shit.
If you are another Duplication department, please don’t read or reply to this message.
Kind Regards,
A Duplication department
We are working hard to drop green nonsense in the most efficient way possible. All our letters are now signed on the first page, leaving five blank pages for you to duplicate and then burn or something.
This page intentionally left blank. Please duplicate, sign and duplicate signature before returning.
Crikey! Don’t clear out top! It’ll let all the sunlight in! But yes please to the fresh blood idea
=
Best wishes,
the vampires
running wild, playing by our own rules (which are none cos we’re wild LOL.)
I’ve just had a pleonasm.
In my pants.
I don’t mind people feeling desperate enough to kill themselves as long as they do it in a way that doesn’t bother me.
Though this phrase seems like false advertising, it is in fact a hazard-notice as clear as if the speaker were wearing a giant yellow top hat emblazoned with the words: “You are now in the company of a level-4 cretin. May God be with you”.
Hold on, didn’t Nigel Farage crash his plane into a field a few months ago? Shouldn’t he be in an orange boilersuit having his nuts blackjacked by now?
In the sense that any sufficiently advanced logical thinking is indistinguishable from extravagant fantasy.
The fact that I read that as “3D councillors” and just assumed it was part of the general clusterfuck in that post. rather than eyesight-fail on my part, is significant.
Gonna need a bigger font.
Is it just me, or are we all recovering manic depressives on SYB?
Recovering?
I thought we seemed to be boring old unipolar types on this thread. Still, on balance I’d rather have a mental illness that people think I’m making up than one that makes people think I’m dangerous. Except for when I have my dole medical next month, obviously.
‘ark at Lurk, rubbing it in with his fancy ‘recovery’.
He’s just jealous because we’re trendy.
I doubt that very much, most will grow up to be Labour or Torie MP’s.
@Mim, you appear to be deficient in the pole department, to the tune of one.
I don’t think it works like magnetic poles though. Electrostatically speaking, she could be half-dipolar (given a good ground plane).
Unless she believes she’s a tent?
Is Mim a girl? Did I get that wrong? I am in drink (again), but at least it ensures that the glass is always half full
“Unipolar” is technically corrrect for boring normal depression, except that nobody ever uses it and it sounds stupid.
Actually my current diagnosis is dysthymia, and I think I’ve had four different personality disorders depending on the person diagnosing me after half an hour, so I don’t know where I stand on the Janet Street-Porter scale of cool. Dysthymia’s probably like the crappy Primark knock-off of depression. Bah.
The first Mim on Google appears to be a man, which means that my assumption that it’s too girly a name to cause confusion is horribly wrong. Also Wikipedia says that there is a Tolkien dwarf and a bloke in Norse mythology whose disembodied head Odin carried around. So it is in fact a very manly and probably bearded name, and I should probably stop this whole Google thing now.
A tent with one pole would be a bit shit, no? Or do I just have a rubbish girly grasp of tent workings?
As a man I can assure you that a tent with only one pole is in fact lots of fun, especially when it is pitched in one’s pants.
Coat? Aww…
Am I the only one without any kind of personality disorder? I feel so uninteresting.
Erm, not really that keen on these comments sections, there’s far too many fuckers crawling over each other to interact as it is. It is refreshing to see that we can all agree that we despise some of them but … anyway …. just wanted to say that I thought that was a really touching and human rant Mr Gainsbourg. Well done.
There always is. It’s political correctness gone bloody mad, if you ask me.
Meanwhile, in the literally real world of proper tents: single-pole tents are made less shit through the use of guy ropes. So, despite any protests to the contrary made by
There always is. It’s political correctness gone bloody mad, if you ask me.
Single-pole tents are made less shit through the use of guy ropes. So despite any protests to the contrary Cylux may make, I don’t think they were designed with a girly’s grasp in mind.
fuggitt.
Oh, was that a mistake? I thought you were making a really rubbish ‘bipolar’ joke.
In other news I think I’ve found govt_helper, or at least someone who is just as tiresome:
http://therightsofman.typepad.co.uk/
@HYL
You’re on a website where people comment about how bloody awful the fucknuggets on HYS etc. are. Further, judging by the massive backlog of posts they appear to be limitless in supply. On top of that, the general trend of the threads seems to be along the lines of ‘everything is up the shitter and no mistake’.
With that in mind, it’s a wonder most of the comments thread isn’t just ‘oh, what’s the bloody point’.
A tent with one pole is a teepee. A wigwam.
Yes, it’s the shawl with the ethnic Native American fringes.
Saint Ted Uncle, if I didn’t get a lift from reading syb, then I wouldn’t be here. In fact, if I like syb so much, why… erm…
@Mim. You mentioned Googling “Mim” but if you look up Mim in Googlism it says you are the Belgian member of the EFMI. Can I be the first person to send you my congratulations.
Yeah, but it also says I’m suitable only for small parts.
Back (vaguely) OT, I knew someone once who committed suicide by gorging themselves to death on mouldy prawns.
It was a shellfish act.
What a pickled prawn’s pudendum he was, eh?
HYS is at it again, asking Should schools teach pupils about the dangers of weapons?
A rather obvious and easy question to answer you might think, except of course that this happens to be a topic that all the rage-fuckers from HYS can happily shoe-horn their favourite talking point into. How everything bad in Britain is the fault of them forrins.
But where is the TOP you withered weasels wang?
Would these be the US kulcha crime gangs then?
Yes it’s a FACT that FLOODS of knife-wielding immigrants came to Britain in order to fulfil some esoteric Zanu Liebour plot to STAB wholesome WHITE ENGLISH NOT BRITISH man-children, thus advancing their NEO-socialist plot to take everyone’s tax money. Or something.
Urg, I’m not going to try to enter that mindset ever again, I’ll be in the shower washing the cuntery off.
I’m a forrin. Does that mean I can go around stabbing people with impunity? ‘Cause I was thinking it’d be much easier with a knife. Yes, it’s the man-size burkha, thanks.
And yet it was ZANU Liebore that set up the eBorders scheme that does criminal record checks before wheels up for EU nationals and the other Schengen countries and the coalition that scrapped that project. Oh, my brain hurts. It’s as if everything in the Daily Mail isn’t true after all.
@have your lurk
Close but no cigar. Actually not remotely close. A tipi is a conical structure made with lots of poles. A wigwam is a very different domed shelter also made with multiple poles. No guy ropes.
Meanwhile Have Your Say is debating (?) Summertime.
When you put it like that, fixing all date and time is quite a challenge. The answer: don’t do it using software, get Doctor Who onto the job.
I have learned what a teepee and a wigwam are. I thought I knew, but in fact I did not.
How can I blame this on the increase in immigrant knife crime?
I love arguing about the time changes. It is a game anybody can play. Nobody can disprove anybody else’s made up statistics for how much money we might save or lives might be saved if only we adopt their preferred scheme, or the cavalcade of death and penury that they predict would stem following the schemes anybody else advocates.
In the end it all comes down to self-interest, not that any fucker will admit it. People who get up early want it to be light in the morning and hence prefer GMT. People who don’t get up until late advocate GMT+1 (or even GMT+2) so that they can have nice sunny evenings and fuck the plebs freezing in the cold and dark on the way to their jobs.
It is disappointing to see the lack of imagination here. I haven’t seen anybody suggest anything wackier than double summer time. Given that nothing is going to change anyway, they might as well suggest something interesting, like putting the clocks forward an hour each spring but not putting them back in the autumn as part of an audacious 25 year plan to get a whole day ahead of the French and Germans. That would be worth billions to British industry and save thousands of lives in Yorkshire alone! World domination awaits. Oh yes indeed.
Why the fuck don’t people just change their working hours in the winter? Instead of pissing about with our arbitrary time measurements and arguing about it every October, just fucking go to work in the daylight. Who fucking cares?
Alternatively, don’t just stop changing the clocks twice a year, go mental and make every day have 1237 hours. And in every hour there are 3 seconds. The day will still be there same as ever no matter what imaginary numbers you bung on top of it. And more importantly we can make *insert made up sum of money* from the work the massive demand for new watches will create.
Fuck British summertime, I am sticking with English summertime, the haggis bashers and leekmongers and do what they like!
I like the idea of 3 second hours, so long as I’m allowed to charge the same hourly rate.
This comment will cost you a thousand pounds.
AKB is at it again, commenting on an article on SAD/promotional piece for lovely sunshine breaks in the Canary Islands. In amongst the “pull your socks up” brigade is this little gem -
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1325469/Today-miserable-day-year.html
I think for most HYS racists their tension colour would be brown.
And regarding time changes, I think we should put the clocks back an hour every time I’m late for work. We can put them forward again at 3pm on Friday afternoons. Do I hear any offers?
“Kadir Buxton Tension Sheet”? Yes, he really did:
http://www.kadir-buxton.com/page25.htm
He’s pleased it was mentioned in Red Dwarf, but apparently he’s not actually seen the episode, because his version involves painting a room a calming colour, rather than carrying a sheet of bubble wrap around.
I’m disappointed with this ‘tension sheet’. I was expecting some sort of fabric made of bungee-elastic which you stretch at one end until the wall-fasteners release and – THRACK: self-administered Kadir-Buxton methoding magic.
Yes, I look forward to permanent GMT+2 so I can sit out on the patio of a pallid December evening in a duffle coat, muffler and wellies, sipping on a hot toddy. Bliss!
Top recommended, say no more!
I disagree.
I think we should switch to GMT+104 at 9am Monday and then go back to GMT at 5pm Friday. Splendid!¬
I dunno. I reckon if you go the other way and go to GMT- you can use it to go faster than light, and who would turn down a chance to do that?
That was supposed to be GMT – some number, but I cocked up and used angle brackets.
But then you’ll start doing next week’s work before the end of this week. Many of us don’t even do this week’s work this week.
Surely AKB has some form of complicated slap that makes you think it’s an hour earlier, or later, as required at the time of administration? Everybody could be on GMT plus, uh…
AKB has once again overcomplicated things. Surely it’s quicker just to ask the Dulux dog?
I don’t like tractors any more.
Good to see AKB’s back once again with the ill behaviour. If only I’d known before that the effects of dark mornings and early, dark evenings could be effectively countered by something so simple as hot-footing it down to B&Q and gazing upon the Dulux paint-samples-sheet-thing until enlightenment was achieved.
From the great man himself:
[blockquote]I thought it would be a great idea to stare at a piece of green paper in order to relax myself, but green cardboard from the stationery shop had no effect. Undeterred, I tried other colours and came upon one which did relax me. I then set about testing the colours of the rainbow in the stationery shop on other people that were stressed and found that everyone has a colour of cardboard that has a soporific affect. The Tension Sheet was born. I soon carried out a test on those with high blood pressure, and found that The Tension Sheet reduced the blood pressure to lower than normal figures in just minutes and recommend that a tension sheet is carried at all times, and that a chill-out room should be painted in the right colour in every tension sufferers home. It is certainly easier to stare at a correctly coloured piece of cardboard or wall for a few minutes than the interference with breathing patterns that most mediation involves. And it has better results[...]
A donation to your favourite Third World charity by way of thanks would be nice.[/blockquote]
Genius.
Fugging cunting blockquotes.
In case anyone hasn’t seen this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11671164
retreat to your nuclear bunkers. There’s a shitstorm a-brewing.
Try these. I have some spare.
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
Very kind of you, Master.
Yep, you’re right. The very first comment yields this gem:
Yeah! They should totally rename it “The Human Priviledges [sic] Act”, said priviledges only to be afforded to those that Runckle deems worthy. What a camel’s cornhole.
(To be honest, I didn’t get further than the first few comments before I was buried in a cunt avalanche – and not in a good way.)
I didn’t venture below the line to the cunts (not in a good way). Haven’t got the stones.
In another context, that sentence could be the start of someone’s path to enlightenment: Acknowledging that some of the things that we think are basic human rights, that should be afforded to everyone, are actually the symptoms of privilege. With an anticreationist argument thrown in for good measure.
But the next sentence whacks any nascent clues back into the ground.
In other words: privilege is a state that can be achieved by every human with little or no effort – and if you didn’t lead your life the way Runckle did, you’re not human. And that’s the way it Should be. Now do as Runckle says or it’s no rights for you, kid.
What a llama lovespud.
Meanwhile, on the Guardian, in an article about poo, nodandwink says:
How I wish I had seen the poem.
def info.
Priviledge: – Noun A narrow, elevated fixture intended for shitting on the people below.
@Mary, I agree. The Guardian needs to publish that poem.
What the fuck happened to this guy in Egypt? What the hell was he fighting? I can think of no circumstances where I could claim to have fought off diarrhea for my country?
mmm…cunts
(I don’ need no stinkin coat..)
Isn’t that from Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen?
Wait a minute, he wrote a poem about shitting himself copiously in hot weather and the moderators removed it? Censorship gone mad!!!1
@eleanora_ – a poem about shitting himself copiously in hot weather entitled “Nod And Wink, Mrs Brown”.
“Nod And Wink, Mrs Brown Eye” more like. Dirty beggar.
Brown eyes brown eyes do a good turn every day…
Brown eye, burning like fire…
Coat on, ready to depart.
Obviously you hate America. (sick)
If anyone’s stuck for something to chortle at, Cuger Brant’s been having a right ole rant on Twitter. I’d post samples but I can’t get onto Twitter from here. He’s @CugerBrant (surprisingly).
From that prisoners getting the vote HYS cuntstorm:
Most. Logical. Argument. Ever.
@Any Rand will do, just an excellent topic. Thanks.
European Court of Human Rights have declared that prisoners ought to have the right vote. Then the BBC asks the British public what it thinks about that. I am not sure who is having a laugh here, but someone is pissing themselves laughing.
Above all, the timing is exquisite, happybrian123′s short insane rant explains it all.
Bilderberger?
Build-a-burger? Sounds delicious!
No need, I haven’t taken it off since last time.
Several days late, I know, but I’d like to point out that “guy ropes” is a very sexist term.
Truly, he is the Wilfrid Owen du nos jours. In fifty years’ time, schoolkids will be studying his shit poetry at GCSE.
Extractor Fan,
There’s a new film out soon called ‘Tractor’.
I saw the trailer for it last night.
Fuck me…
I’m not allowed to vote in the UK JUST BECAUSE I live in another country!!!! How is that fair!!!! And yet these people who LIVE IN THE UK are allowed to VOTE IN THE UK!!! PC gone mad etc.
Can’t he vote by post? Is he a British citizen? Is he a cormorant’s crusty cockring? At least one of these questions can be answered in the affirmative.
@ eleanor_
Thanks for the Cuger update. He clearly Googles himself. I didn’t think he’d been mentioned on here for ages, but a tweet on 31st Oct is angry at us. My favourite is this one though:
From where Cuger?! From where?
Love that he sees being able to write coherently and writing a book as two non-related activities.
@Sheepless
Well, if we’re going back several days I’ll retrospectively say that:
covered my monitor in crab meat and avocado!
Either he’s a massively lying lama’s labia – or he changed his nationality …. since he’s 100% ENGLISH, I’m going with the labia.
I also love how he insults his followers while asking them to buy his book:
Marketing genius. Though I’m betting he’d be the only person who’d be impressed, methinks, if I’m right etc.
A Christmas Carol by Cuger Brant
It was the day before Christmas as the thoroughly disgruntled man pushed through the busy throng of people. He felt thoroughly ‘miffed’ (and that is being gentle on the emotion he felt). He hated them, despised them, they filled him with contempt. The thought, ‘pathetic idiots’, ran through his mind.
He decided to buy a coffee and escape this melee of humankind jostling and pushing around him. He sat at a table outside a café in Ely Court. No! It was not a court of law. It was the name of an outside thoroughfare of the local shopping mall…
And so on and so forth, excellent stuff.
http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/19834/3/a-christmas-carol
Good. Despite not liking tractors any more, I do like trailers.
@Mr Ed – verily he is the Tolstoy of our time.
Though I’m pretty sure the Cuger-porn we collectively wrote* is itself of more literary value than the great man’s output.
*yes, really.
Doesn’t it bother you that tractors always seem to be able to pull the trailers?
Say what you like about the Dostoevsky of our time, but he stick’s to the English teacher’s maxim of writing about what you know, for lo, here is ‘Ely Court’ of ‘Royal Tunbridge Wells” which one do you think he is?
http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1046923
The story gets less realistic when he gets to the bit where he has a vision of the trenches and is gassed and eviscerated…
@eleanora_:
Thanks for pointing me in the direction of @Cugerbrant. Hilarious!
One of my faves:
Don’t make Cugar miffed. You wouldn’t like him when he’s miffed.
Cugar = Cuger, obviously (D’oh!)
Careful there. He’s not only miffed, he’s *flippin’* miffed, and playing it fast and loose with the rules of grammar – clearly a man on the edge!
That can’t be real muthaflippin Brant: not enough adverbs.
Great, thanks guys. I now have Cugster tweets as my latest distraction from my work. I must say, this one was particularly profound:
Because it is the only way to stop The David.
@DonkeySquicker: laughing like a weirdo at my desk now, thanks.
I’ve just dug back through his posts from August, and found the following wallowings:
Oh come off it, Cuges, you thrive on our attentions. *bats eyelashes*
He’s also pretty deep though:
…Whoah. Whoah. Hold the bus. Really?
And apparently, cheese is spelled differently to helicopter.
Of course you don’t, at least not in the presidential or senatorial elections. You’d have to take French citizenship for that. You do get to vote (and even stand) in the local mayoral elections, and you get to vote in the European elections.
And, of course, you have a postal vote in the UK.
I actually thought the bit that Mr Ed posted WAS the one we all did. Seriously.
Postal votes don’t count. He wants to be able to put on a blazer and queue up in the nearest church hall to vote, just like those people living in the UK can. What’s the point in voting like a selfish prick if you can’t do so in the presence of the people who’ll get screwed over?
Is the whiskey/whisky thing really that obvious? I’d seen both spellings, but never made the connection with country of origin.
Well, I thought it was, but then again I’m descended from ginger kilt-wearers who enjoy the odd dram of whisky-not-whiskey.
My wife ran away once, but I soon tractor down.
It’s the fake Barbour, thanks.
An interesting fact about Scotch whisky is that it’s malted over turf, whereas Irish whiskey is malted over anthracite, which is imported at huge expense from Wales. Despite Ireland’s being carpeted in turf.
Also, a few years ago I read that all Scotch made today is filtered through asbestos to remove some impurities that precipitate when ice is added to the whiskey. (I don’t know if the Irish do it, but it wouldn’t surprise me, being Irish.) Does anyone know if this is true? Cuger Brant is not allowed to reply.
Meanwhile, back at Have you mentalism’s quest to see if we should have trials without jury “No victim no crime” speaks for a grateful innumerate nation “No no no and thrice no”. Block quotes are a bit nouveau aren’t they?
p.s. ignore the adjectives, I am not Cuger Brant.
I’m pretty sure Commissioner for Victims of Crime Louise Casey stole my bicycle.
Impressed to see @CugerBrant has Kent Police TWells following him.
I noticed that too. Perhaps they’re investigating crimes against literature.
Should Britain and France co-operate militarily. It is as if the faceless Eurocrats know nothing of the Battle of La Roche-Derrien, the Siege of Boulogne, or suspected French involvement in Jacobite rebellion.
Great comments, summed up eloquently in this sentence…
Dave666, though, gives the best analysis.
This is Dave666′s standard response to any piece of legislation, policy, proposal ever made in the history of man.
If Herman van Rompuy is Senator Palpatine and Jean Claude van Damme is Darth Maul, then that would make Dave666 a Bantha-fanny.
I don’t think Cuger Brant gets the recognition he deserves. By way of addressing this injustice, I just gave @CugerBrant his very first FollowFriday mention on Twitter, and would be most grateful if those Twits among us could do the same. Let’s see if we can’t get him a semi-decent following for his tweets of depth, wisdom and perspicacity… or at least seriously confuse him.
Frank Kirkton reminded me today that altruism is not dead. Yet.
Aye, those selfish fuckers requiring organ transplants, they never say please or thank you do they?
I mean you don’t see Frank there demanding as his right an actual working brain, rather than the burnt yoghurt with a couple of electrodes in it that he’s struggling along with now. Clearly a saint among men.
I love “I have yet to hear of”. As though anyone talks to him.
Why do I sincerely doubt that organ recipients think of recently dead people’s organs as rightfully theirs?
And why do I wonder what Frank’s attitude to my liver and kidneys would be if he suddenly found himself without any?
Frank’s going to hear fuck-all once he’s dead.
Which will be soon, one hopes – we need all the unused penises we can get.
aaaghaa . . . sausages
pissed
Lord help us if one of the eds has suffered, but it might be more if someone could stick the Blah on
Wot happened to my “effacing” between the more and “if”?
hay una tormenta!
Some vaguely good news: the HYS thread on “Should the government force the long-term unemployed to work?” is (mostly) a nuanced discussion of the ethics of governments forcing their people to work vs. the genuine benefit unemployed people receive from having some structured employment vs. the fact they wouldn’t be being paid enough for it vs…
@magician,
Yup, William Hague claims,
Actually, considering HYS seems unanimous in threads like “should Labour let Europe decide what we eat” or “Pedophile Immigrant claims asylum”, the Tories are going to struggle if they cannot rally the troops on this one. Hague is relying on these types,
Perhaps we should just deport anyone who has been on benefits for more than two years, they could build a new life for themselves in Afganistan or Iraq.
Perhaps we should just deport Johnny Rotten.
We should have deported the LiberalLeft sandel wearing guardian readers back in 69 as they left their hippy loving free festivals after being educated at public expense to start their crusade to destroy Britain as we knew it and turn it into this multicultural politically correct nightmarish hellhole it has become.
Question, If I was deported to Afganistan, would I notice the difference? Oh yeah, the would be more working class indigenous Brits about, altough all in uniform, and about the same amount of hate preaching ragheads.
Rotten: in Afghanistan there are also several breeds of poisonous snake, insects the size of your fist and a huge, mostly rebuilt statue of Buddha about 200 feet high.
Oh, and at election time people can vote without an armed escort and they can go about their daily lives without fear of being bombed, shot, intimidated, or just plain beaten up and strangled by the Taliban.
JohnnyTimBulb,
Great news! When are you leaving? Travel safely!
@Johnny Rotten
… as opposed to hate-preaching HYS fucktards? Cock off, you cock.
I actually find Johnny Rotten quite comforting. It’s nice to know that as pretty much lifelong dole scum I am still less appalling than someone who wants to send me into a war zone for, um, existing.
Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Afghanistan
The country where I quite like to be
pony trekking or farming opium
or just watching my neighbours getting bludgeoned and hoping I won’t be next
Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Afghanistan
it’s the country for me!
Have Your Lurk for next Poet Laureate!
Bog off Duffy!
Is it over?
Is this the death of SYB?
Cuger has me so funking riled, the muddy funster! Forget him and forget you too!
Doc, are you miffed? I mean really, flipping, miffed?!
England, England, England
The country where I quite like to be
burgling, raping mugging
or just watching bankers and MP’s getting richer from the fruits of my toils, whilst my borders cease to be,
England, England, England
it’s the country not for me!
Off you go then.
“England, England, England
The country where I quite like to be”
Fair enough.
“burgling, raping mugging”
Each to his own. Crime’s been falling since about 1995, mind http://rds.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs10/hosb1210chap1.pdf
“or just watching bankers”
What’s stopping you being a banker? Is it your innumeracy?
“and MP’s getting richer from the fruits of my toils”
The possessive apostrophe is poor English- please try to learn the language of a country if you wish to live there. The total cost to you of all MP salaries is 70 pence per year.
“whilst my borders cease to be,”
What?
“England, England, England”
OK
“it’s the country not for me!”
How would you know? You’ve made a whole country up.
Christon, I am not sure what point you are making.
Johnny Rotten,
Shit poem, mate. Shit, shit poem.
Putting ‘watching bankers etc’ – which is presumably what you are doing – at the end of that sequence, does rather make it sound like it’s you who’s doing the burgling,raping and mugging as well.
Either you’re a violent degenerate career criminal, or, as I suggested earlier, it’s just a really, really shit poem. Really shit.
Could be both, I suppose.
@Rotting Johnny:
There’s a corollary to “If you love xxx so much, why don’t you go live there?”
If you hate England so much, why don’t you fuck off somewhere else?
Ol’ shit-for-brains there was whinging on about how the MPs were getting richer as a result of his toils. I’m making the point that if you take all the MPs’ salaries and add them up then divide it by the number of UK taxpayers you get 70p. Of course, higher rate taxpayers would pay more than that and he, I suspect, less. Divide that figure by 646 to get how much money he pays for his own MP’s salary.
Of course, once you chuck in the accommodation, the printer cartridges, the reams of paper, the coppers and the Palace of Westminster it costs the taxpayer £550,000 per member, per year to have Parliamentary democracy. Divide that by the number of taxpayers and the average person pays £5.90 a year, except no-one’s average- everyone will be above or below that amount- more than 80% will be below- so this cuntard is developing an aneurysm over less than £5 of wasted expenditure and a misplaced sense of victimisation. He’s unhappy because he’s stupid.
Ah, you can’t beat a good old British past time like burglary, rape or mugging someone. You just can’t get a good raping in other countries.
Oh no, wait, you can. I was thinking morris dancing. You can’t get a good morris dance in other countries.
Making soft southerners reside in Hull, now that is against their Uman rites!
DAILY MAIL in yah face WHAAAA!
Johnny,
We’re full, so don’t even think about it.
Reported crime may have been falling, but I doubt crime per se has changed very much at all. I’ve been mugged twice in the past three years but I didn’t bother reporting it because a) there was fuck-all chance of identifying who did it, b) not enough was nicked to make an insurance claim worthwhile, and c) I just couldn’t be arsed. And yes, I know the plural of anecdote isn’t data, but the fact remains that the crime figures are the reported crime figures, not the actual crime figures.
Not that this in any way argues against Johnny Shitsock being a total and utter cunt, obviously.
@ Rotwatcher the link there’s for the British Crime Survey- it’s not based on reported crime. You need to stop wearing golden hats and ruby necklaces when abroad in Catford.
But I haven’t been mugged since 1971, despite living in some very seedy inner-city areas. So that’s two people experiencing three muggings in 40 years, which is 0.0375 muggings per year on average. Which is the same as no crime at all effectively.
Of course I probably totally fucked up on those calculations.
Johnny Rotten actually reminds me of an MP. No matter how much you distrust them, announce your displeasure at their performance, point out their incompetence, or, in some cases, observe their criminal behaviour they are always there.
Even for those with some form of pity for him, can only really defend the guy with statements like “Oh, a couple posts are funny” (see: “not all MPs are crooked”). Those that hate him; “he serves no purpose”, “we would be better off without him”, or – more to the point – “what a massive cunt”.
I heard about this before, actually. I don’t think Johnny is a person at all, we might actually be dealing a metaphor. A very shitty, monotonous metaphor.
On a side,
Oh my god, please tell me you were joking. It is like watching Anakin Skywalker turn to the darkside.
Johnny Rotten? Rhymes with bottom.
Johnny Rotten is a good illustration of why I decided to become a Buddhist. The basic Buddhist tenet is, life consists in suffering. And it’s true. Even when people have things pretty good, they tend to create problems where there actually aren’t any, or where such problems are really fucking small, like ‘Rubber’ Johnny’s penis. The difference between Rubber Johnny and a Buddhist being, that the Buddhist takes responsibility for his own suffering and seeks to just fucking rise above it. Like Johnny’s penis rising, yea, towering above an ant.
Said ant being destined to drown in a very, very small tsunami of Rotten sperm.
Ah, here’s a friend for Johnny- From the social care shit-flinging contest:
And from the debate on Burma:
Another few years and HYS will be Facebook for cretins.
I thought it was “every man for himself”?
Ed, I don’t know about that, I’ll have to look it up.
I’ve realised that we’re all feeding the fucking troll. Particularly me. I’m up there at the head of the queue, pumping jism into his mouth and slapping my ballsack off his chin. I hereby elect to, um, not feed the fucking troll. Call it civil disobedience.
Interesting fact. The word queue comes out as ‘steve’ on T9. Which would be interesting in the context of my previous post.
@Rotwatcher
Are you suggesting then that reported crime has gone down and unreported crime has gone up proportionately?
Also, I’ve never been mugged. Comes with being 6 and a half feet tall; people think you might be hard when actually you’ll keel over in a light wind.
(someone fucking send something in, SYB is probably dying but that’s no reason not to squeeze every last drop of blood out of it’s corpse)
The only reason reported crime is down is because reporting crime to the inept bunch of public sector wasters that masqurade as coppers is like pissing in the wind. They are only interested in speeding tickets and arresting little old ladies for delivering christian leaflets in a muslim area (the PC police)
It is the same reason every year GCSE and A level results break all previous records, yet our school leavers are so uneducated and clueless that employers have to employ foreigners who cannot even speak the language.
Its the UK that is dying and the ConDems are squeezing every last drop of blood out of it before they all retire to Monaco (see last nights documentary of pensioners being squeezed for their last few grand by the taxman and his inept useless multibillion pound computer)
[^citation needed]
Johnny
Rubbish. Documented examples of these arrests of little old ladies please.
And for all your rubbish about exams getting easier, is that not because of better teaching methods, better infant health and nutrition, more people having access to books and information as they grow up? Or are you one of those that would think that because Usain Bolt keeps breaking the 100m sprint record, that must mean that the track keeps being shortened?
Damn, I’ve fed the troll
MUNCH MUNCH……………………………………………………………………………………….BURB….
I bum foxes
I was going to post something about the Delingpole column on torture, but I decided it would be less depressing to slit my wrists instead.
Hold on! That last missive from rotten Johnny was uncharacteristically coherent and succinct. Did somebody help him with it?
Cheers Sheepless, I just went and read that and am now also staring into a deep black pit of despair.
Oh wait, now it’s been replaced with the urge to punch Delingpole in his smug face.
Presumably someone with frontal lobes, then. Methinks.
And while we ponder on that, some classic cuntery:
How can the trains run on time? Simples-
How about a nice cuddly, inoffensive topic then; favourite British brands, anyone?
Ugh, that word, “foreign.” Remarkable the effect it has on the denizens of HYS: An near-instantaneous rise of blood pressure by 50%, while cognitive ability- If one may call it that- Drops proportionately.
Rather longer than that, I fear.
I have been a member of HYS since the days of RightyRightwing, Philip (I have spat coffee all over my keyboard) Bradlaugh AKA liberalLeftandProud, John Chang, Phosgene gasse etc etc, Topsy Turvey, neworldorder, buddistmonk and John Adair. I am still classed as a new member, yet any asylum seeker or immigrant walking into the country is given top priority for a council house, full benefits and a job at the BBC, oh the ironey!!!
Yawn.
ps HYL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095159/quotes?qt0320171
must admit i’m a bit disappointed with the website recently
britain’s new accord with france generated some hilarious stuff on the dailymail website and everyone is pretending this is some serious website
the writing on here by the people who post the articles and especially in the comments bit is 6/10 but they did have a talent for finding the most idiotic posts on these idiotic ‘i love britain’ forums
now there is 2 posts a month and it’s all serious and lets face it, noone gives a fuck about our opinions, least of all us who think we are expressing ourselves by criticising the internet on the internet lol
please can we have more funny stuff
i was so angry i posted on the internet
oh but i do really
Delingpole on “Better that a thousand liberals die than that one Al Qaeda terrorist should be waterboarded!”
The comments thread is weird. The article is about torture and airport security. The comments seem to have degenerated into a series of random right-wing, conservative exclamations. Not found anything on immigration, but there is over 600 comments. The comments seem to have absolutely no coherence, logic, or point. It reminds me of Delingpole’s article.
The last one was from James Delingpole. Now we can see his market: the randomly-spout-rhetoric-for-no-purpose-other-than-that-is-what-Americans-do-on-TV demographic.
I thought that HYS reflected public opinion until I discovered SYB. But now it’s a bit like Smirnoff: the only thing that rhymes with it is the act of divesting an actress of her surname, to wit, chopping Helen’s Mirren off. Criticise it if you like, but the alternative is the troll.
Some other interesting facts about Smirnoff are that it scores 20 in Scrabble, and T9 suggests “poisoned”. Why is this relevant? Well, take a look at the “Why I don’t use public transport” thread:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/11/how_should_train_overcrowding.html
The first handful of comments blaming crowded trains on immigrants (and accusing the BBC article of *deliberately omitting* this Fact) have been moderated, but they’ve already poisoned the well and led to at least 20 more idiots requoting them.
On the train HYS
wow, how did you slip that one past the lefty mods at the BBC John?
I was tidying up some old crap recently and discovered some cheesy novelty items with the word “foreign” stamped on them. There was no indication of where they were made only that they were not made here. Ah, but how could such an item be made without resorting to perjury? The stamp only becomes true once the item is exported from its country of origin. At the point of manufacture it is an evil fib. Furthermore, it would clearly be immoral to reimport such an item back to its country of origin rendering its stamp mendacious again but how could you know which country to avoid? I worry about these things, especially when I am supposed to be tidying up.
Also, there was crap stamped “Empire made” which didn’t say which part of which empire.
(types name of a defunct vodka on T9) poisoned. Wow, yer right!
I am in drink. (Hic.)
can I just say I love all you guys? Hic. Even johnny fucking rotten. I love ya, mate. Hic.
@Kris
Nah, nothing so scientific. I’m just sceptical about relying on statistics like these (which rely in part on people reporting crime*, and in part on people telling the truth about their experience of crime in a questionnaire). I know they’re the best figures available, but I’m pretty sure they’re also crap.
* A straw poll conducted in the office among six people gave seven unreported burlaries (all one person – his fault for collecting vintage motorbikes), two muggings (mine), three criminal damage (cars keyed) – none of these were reported to the Police for reasons of extreme apathy and lack of faith in any positive result. I didn’t ask whether any of my colleagues would give up this data to the BCS – I would, if asked. But no-one has, so far.
@Rotwatcher OK, so I do work in the area of justice and I used to have similar thoughts to you about crime levels, but the stats are pretty overwhelming. One thing that seems to have changed is that acqusitive crime (ie knicking videos and dvds) is no longer worth it. If you can get one from Tesco for £20, why buy one from the dodgy geezer in the pub for £10. Improved car security seems to have had more effect too. The real question that should be asked of government is; if crime is down by so much, why do you lock so many folk up, and indeed, is crime only down because you lock so many folk up?
So workfare.
Perhaps you regard it as being akin to slavery, compelled to work otherwise the social safety net will be pulled from underneath you. Perhaps instead you regard it as giving the long-term unemployed a chance to build up a healthy work attitude and get-up and go spirit, that years of listless boredom had previously destroyed.
Or perhaps at hearing this idea the urge to touch yourself became unbearable, your arousal levels peaking so very near to the brink of orgasm, all that will be required to push you over the edge will be:
OH MY GOD, YES, YES! Nothing, nothing at all, would get your juices flowing more than seeing your jobless friends or neighbours forced out of their home, and into doing work about town that apparently isn’t worth actually giving someone a fucking job to get them done. Finally them fuckers got what was coming to them.
In fact terry experienced his first hard-on in years:
How he has yearned for satisfaction. After watching Jeremy Kyle once, and seeing how everyone on it was having considerably more sex than he was, or indeed ever will, what with lie-detector and paternity tests being done left right and centre, his old chap just hasn’t been able to rise to the occasion. If workfare goes through he just might end up with a permanent stiffy.
But wait! What’s that I hear in the distance? A champion of the poor and dispossessed? Come to ruin this orgy of delight at the expense of the unemployed?
Godwin, Prisons are like holiday camps, and “Human Rights”.
HOUSE!