Iain found Paul lurking in the comments on this thing about the March 26 protests. You may be wrongfooted early on by what I’ll happily concede is a convincing impression of a reasonable human being. Beware.
I went on the big march, yet I experienced no violence of any kind, although my friend Tony was really pleased to turn up back at the flat with a policeman’s helmet (no, the head wasn’t inside it). That was Grosvenor Square, the famous ‘riot’ of 1968. The media tropes haven’t changed since then, have they? It’s always “Peaceful march ruined by mindless thugs”, followed by some new dollop of oppressive legislation to keep the Mail headline writers happy. Of course, no-one then remembers what the protest was about. One wonders, how many of those masked men kicking at windows were the famous undercover police, or fifth columnists as they used to be known. You can’t tell when they’re masked. It’s really quite alarming, what you’re not allowed to do, say or even think nowadays, how oppressive the authoritarian state has become. While radioactive iodine rains down on Glasgow, a present from @#$%ushima, even George Monbiot now thinks nuclear power is a jolly good idea. But we’re not going to have a say in the matter, are we? – we’re all well-boiled little frogs now.
paul.ingrams
But thanks to his tinfoil hat, Paul has been thinking all kinds of shit, and no motherfucker has kicked his door in and taken him away to any of them government Psi-control Centres yet. Not everyone has been so lucky, however…
“I knew something was very wrong the moment George Monbiot wandered through the back door one day, still wearing his pyjamas, with glassy eyes, flyaway hair and a wet chin.
“‘George?’ I said. ‘You look frightful, old boy. What’s the matter?’
“Staring blankly over my head into the middle distance, George spoke with a voice as flat as my kitchen table: ‘citizen. I have come to tell you about the miracle of nuclear power. Nuclear power is efficient, clean and 100% safe. Nuclear power. This message was brought to you by BNFL plc. Power to you, power to the government. Good day, fellow citizen, I have enjoyed our conversation.’ Then he simply faded into thin air. Gone.
“Well, I thought to myself, this is all very strange. So I decided to post something on the internet about it. But of course, I couldn’t get on the internet. Apparently, you need an internet connection to do that… Yes, convenient, isn’t it? So then I thought, I know! I’ll call the Times news desk, see if they’ll be interested in taking up the story. But I didn’t have a telephone, you see. Or a working line.
“Okay. Not a problem. I’ll ask to borrow a neighbour’s. I was outside before I remembered that I live alone on a tiny, windswept island in the middle of the Atlantic, with no boat or, indeed, any form of transportation.
“I can tell you that sinister forces were at work that day.”
Tinfoil Hat!
RRP £4.93
53 Responses to “Tool Against The Oppressor”
I’m commenting to register my not caring AT ALL about the SO CALLED march, this article, as well as taking this opportunity to crowbar in my views about this green and pleasant land being now full of job-grabbing, benefit-sucking foreigns as a result of Newt LieBore disastrous anti-English (not British) communist policies.
Also there’s this other columnist who writes about other issues, and i do not agree with his view at all, and i am alerting you to the fact, something surely of note, as i’m sure the rest of you are cunts like me and do not care at all about this article but might want to check out my views on this other unrelated issue which i feel strongly about as opposed to this here article which clearly no one cares about as i said several lines above this present sentence.
Is it really tin foil? I think it’s more likely to be an inferior aluminium foil hat masquerading as tin.
Everyone knows that aluminium foil (or ‘aluminum’ as the Yanks would have it) was invented AS PART OF the mind-control schema of the Fifth Column. I feel sorry for some of you out there, sat at home in the cold and dark, surrounded by empty tins of spaghetti you’ve eaten cold, thinking that you’re protected with your aluminium foil hat. You are not. Only tin has the correct properties to deflect the brain-rays being broadcast by illegal immigrants.
I’d say get yourself down to the shops and ask for some TIN foil, but not only would that inevitably end up in a loud, shouty argument with some brown fellow who knows not the difference, you wouldn’t be able to follow my advice anyway because you’re not being protected by TIN foil already! As such the internet to you is not the real internet.
Why Glasgow?
At my primary school they put Iodine on you when you grazed your knee, which left a big yellow splodge as well as making it better.
Come to think of it a big yellow splodge might make Glasgow better. Come friendly isotopes and fall on Cessnock.
Does the ‘well-boiled little frogs’ bit refer to our iodine-soaked Glaswegian future, or is it one of those new-fangled euphemisms for the traditional, Roget-approved concept of Sheeple?
Yours sincerely,
Sleepless in S@#$%horpe
I will have one if it prevents me listening to you frogs boiling in your own dripple.
Before long, we will all be queueing up to claim asylum in Ethiopia, to get a better standard of living than in this shithole of a country. I am sick of tax tax tax when the is no disposable income left.
I love the way conspiracy theories can even co-opt natural disasters. It makes the enemy, whoever the fuck that is meant to be, seem reassuringly omnipotent. I mean, any normal global conspiracy to undermine our precious bodily fluids we might be expected to make an effort to resist but up against an organisation so powerful and insane that it is prepared to flatten half a country on the other side of the world just to make Glasgow 0.000001% more radioactive than it already is and frighten some halfwit on the internet, the only sane response is to give up and welcome our evil alien overlords and respectfully ask what they want in return for a complete cessation of their fiendish plate tectonics.
Oh well, at least it offers an excuse to revisit this:
http://www.eclectech.co.uk/mindcontrol.php
tw@basket.com, that is indeed a beautiful song.
I have to say though, the people HAARPing on about [so-called] “natural” disasters being Illuminati protection-rackets are at least marginally less twuntish than that whole “karma’s a bitch” crowd claiming God gave Japan the shake-down as pay-back for that whole Pearl Harbor thing.
Basically I’m saying I’d rather have an Icke than a Phelps, any day.
No need for the tin foil hat Tong – just bugger off to a website where you can meet like minded fuckwits – christ knows there seems to be enough of them – handily there’s a link to one in the previous thread.
Fuck me. Its only gone all sad & lonely in here over the last few months. Correction, it was always very sad but it run right of the edge of the cliff. We’re all going on a summer holiday. No, not that cliff. Fucking knobheads.
I will take a peep back in a few more months & see who the saddest hardcore fuckers really are.
I enjoyed the novelisation, but, Cuger, is that you?
BBC HYS may be dead, killed off by the Liberal loving, taxpayer funded leftie, Alex Gubbay, but free speech is still alive and well on the comments section of the Daily Mail.
Keep them coming my lovelies. See you in a few months Cuger, if the Eath is still here, that is!
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Big Moll? Fuck. Me. Pink. It’s not even spam. Somebody wrote that.
What the cunting fuck?
Is there a website that takes the piss out of this one? ‘Cause I think it might be time to move on.
F$%k it, Pete Tong
Of course it’s fucking spam – shoe spam to be specific. (“tory burch”, “christian loubouitn”, etc) They’ve just upped the Bayesian poisoning so much that it’s even fooling people. Assuming you lot are people, of course…
I stumbled across this article
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm
containing a fossilised Have Your Say, some letter to the editor complaining about the BBC and ripped into by none other than George Orwell where he says
“…words and meaning have almost parted company. People who write in this manner usually have a general emotional meaning — they dislike one thing and want to express solidarity with another — but they are not interested in the detail of what they are saying”
which is just about as succint a summation of HYS commenters as you could hope for.
from the usual shit comments: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-12974174?postId=107867000#comment_107867000
Own up now, which one of you came up with the user name?
161. Ophilia Beaver
Editors’ Pick
4 Hours Ago
It even got editors pick, but beat it past the evil moderators.
Dunc, if that’s spam, then what is it trying to sell?
I’m not sure, but I think they might be some kind of instructions on how to live your life.
Fuck me, between the op and RIPOFF’s comment I very nearly died laughing. Good Stuff!
In the last year, my wage as been frozen, my bills have all gone up, I am told I cannot retire at 65 despite working all my life paying tax and national insurance which is also going up. My petrol to work tax is up 30% and they soon want me to pay for the “pleasure” of parking at work. My son cannot get a university education without facing a lifetime of debt, but hey, we are giving 65 million pounds to Pakistan to train more suicide bombers.
Money well spent.
Well, that is obvious really, is it not? It is what I have been saying all along. Can we now discuss something really new?
Someone please help ok so i left for the weekened and left my Jack Demsey in good conditions last night i text my sister in law to check how was she … i she told me that not good that my parrot had some black spots on her face … i just got home and saw my Tin Foil Hat its full of black spots and its lossing its bright orange color… im so scare i dont want noting bad 2 happen 2 her even thought she has killd 4 of my other fishes i still love her ive been with her 4 a month almost and idk what to do!!! if someone can please tell me what can i do to help Dorthy be better… please pleas help!!!
a “tory burch” is what David Cameron used to use to whip is fag when he forgot to polish Davids boots at Eton.
christian loubouitn are a mad christian sect that force single mums to eat their babys and wear tight fitting leather thongs that cut into the genitalia.
Bayesian poisoning is what you get when you eat too many spam fritters.
Just off to “reboot” my computer before the spam fritters get me.
When I saw those photos I thought it was just a day out at the Notting Hill carnival.
That’s not how you mis-spell ‘losing’ on the internet. It should be ‘loosing’.
THis is rather good fun – is feminism ending social mobility for men. You can just smell the impotent rage
etc etc
Oh, arse
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12970105#dna-comments
@Wordsworth:
Sounds like Murray Walker commentating on a Nuremburg rally.
Still spring is here- Or is it?
On Libya:
Proof if proof were needed that the ‘One Family- One Brain Cell’ policy isn’t working. A far away country of which we know fuck all and care even less, eh?
On Delroy Grant:
What a genius this person is. Their extraordinary discovery- That hanging people causes them to gush tachyons, which scuttle into the past and do all sorts of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff including, apparently unraping women and returning their valuables- Ought to change the world; I suggest that this intellectual titan be nominated for a Nobel Prize immediately- For services to duncery.
And yes, I too get angry when the recently-deceased lack the common courtesy to ring 999 from beyond the grave. Selfish bastards. it’s all the fault of this universal suffrage malarkey, methinks.
I was wrong; it’s not spring- For these cunts, it never will be.
That guy makes Obama look intelligent! All his speeches are read off a autocue. George Bush senior is still in charge of the “cowboys with nukes” that is the USA. He pulled Reagons strings, then had two terms in office, then led Clinton by the balls, then the idiot son for two terms, now he has removed Obamas brain and replaced it with a pretzel, which is still more intelligent then the inbred idiot son.
Oh, you WOULD try to sell us The Man’s tinfoil hat, wouldn’t you!? They don’t want you to know that you can make your own tinfoil hat out of chip oil (and tinfoil), and do you know why? Because of the VAT on tinfoil! Makes perfect sense, when you think about it (as long as you don’t think about it).
twaaaaaat…
what the fuck
From the Daily Mail bail out Portugal thread
Are there really people out there who believe this? Or is it David Cameron using a false name in the hope of convincing us it is true?
If not, then care in the community is a failure, bring back the looney bins, we cannot afford these people to have a vote.
Hong Kong Scot Yu-wielding black epee, giving the feeling of like a fusion with the earth, and even just to see him fall asleep, can feel a heavy feeling. “Puff.” Blah your tinfoil hatters abruptly black thorn in the air, only to hear the sound from the explosion for several complain. Perpendicularly against the space alone, even the number of road have gas explosion sound. This is an incredible thing, because a weapon speed even faster, causing a gas explosion sound pretty good. Several gas explosion caused the sound to be almost impossible. “Well?” LEI eyes suddenly light up. Can be such a distraction, lei immediately that great feeling from just out of it. “Just how is it? I did not use the Tinfoil hat, but why do these forces can be divided into several series of the amplitude of the rhythmic attack out.” Thinking have your lurk heart up. Practice, it may enter a special state when suddenly, to a very amazing results. But if you do not thoroughly comprehend completely, it can not be picked easily. Boiling! Tinfoil hat on do is constantly thinking, constantly practicing. Nelson!! To grasp everything perfectly! Blue, clear no trace of impurities, and that the clouds had such a beautiful silk floating in the sky. Speak your Branes is indeed a quiet place of residence. Man! Wind, moving water. Science! Dizzy this time not in practice, but before the fishing in the valley. People can not stay in practice, if you always do, but the effect will be bad. Like fishing to fishing, want to sleep on the bed. Fit heart heaven and earth. Completely go along with nature. When in practice, the efficiency will be extremely high. “Dipsomaniac Physics Student.” Came the cheerful voice of the valley outside, BBC HYS turned and looked, I saw Jenny riding a horse behind her still has two Iranian Terrorists to the maid, maid obvious that the two also have a good skill, and that horse definitely catch up with the lithe movements of the Biderbergs regular.
Monkeys. Typewriters. Infinite amounts of both. Shakespeare? Big Moll.
I am afraid that the next hundred years, they are subject to family, Arthur Daley the next fanta restricted. Naturally improve their relations. “Not much.” Next to the oaf is shaking his head. Jenny and June were all amazed to see the Milwall and the parrot is sitting sipping tea. “Grandpa Grandpa, this is not much?” Jenny and June exclaimed. Nelson shook his head and said: “Miss, Master, these gifts will add up to hundreds of thousands of gold coins is estimated about it. Tens of thousands of gold coins … … Well, Miss, Master, you know how much the property of a large lady? I estimate there should be tens of millions of gold! ” “Tens of millions of gold coins?” Jenny and June are stunned. They live in the countryside. When seen such riches. And Jonnny Rotten is always talk with their mother. Living in Hull was on the river, many things are familiar. “Normal, managing the millions of people for so many years. To a large lady Gaga greed, not strange if a ten million gold coins. Unfortunately, we have not found his wife in a large magic crystal card. Is to find … … I’m afraid that magic crystal card Lady is a big fingerprint. We also take no gold to. “Nelson shook his head helplessly. Four gold line rules, the four countries is entirely favorable gold line itself. Cigars on a piece of magic after the fingerprint card record, that this card can only be a magic cigar that personal use. Outsider wins, and is not that useful. Of course …
Big Moll,
Have you been influenced by James Joyce’s seminal work Finnegan’s wake? Or, as I suspect, it is just the outpourings of someone with a bit of a jizzbeard. Mm?
The iodine must be mixing with the alumin(i)um oxide that is being dropped over NATO countries to create the New World Order. According to the scary conspiracy theorist I met in the States.
[...] [...]
Johnny Paedo is
Also known as Pete Mong and
Still nobody cares
Nice post! I’ll tweet it!
Is someone inferring that I am the great Johnny Rotten? Afraid not old bean.
I see Eton educated Cameron is getting upset at the proles again
Dont worry Dave, they are so thick, they will only revert to your sister party, NuLabour. You will just have to put your Tony Blair mask back on and go back to sleeping with cherry Blair. OH! I see your problem now!
The admins told us you “all” post from the same IP, Mr Mong. Or should that be Mr Paedo?
I am very interested about it, will you share more detail? Like source of this story?
Congrats one eyed prince, you’ve managed to mock UFO obsessives while sounding even crazier than them.
It really shows the quality of that paper, by the way, when the images they use (with such descriptions as ‘Flying saucers: One of the supposed alien victims of the Roswell UFO crash’) are taken from a well known hoax film made in the 50′s.
Lazy bastards. They should use proper images of real flying saucers taken from original newsreel footage. Or send someone out to a space alien’s house to get a picture of his spaceship.
This site used to be good for the purposes of laughing at stupid people
:(:(:(
Why did such an innocent pleasure have to get all political?
Now it’s just left wing people laughing at right wing people