spEak You're bRanes

Letter to West End Extra. From a cunt, naturally.

FINALLY, Westminster Council have got serious in their plans to end rough sleeping in the borough, and the horrible soup runs and daily begging which blight the areas off Victoria Street.

I am a local resident, and have been for 25 years. I have spoken to many rough sleepers, and virtually all of them have serious problems with alcohol, drug abuse and or mental health / personality disorder.

The longer they stay on the streets the worse their problems become, to the point where it is almost impossible for them to live productive or constructive lives.

The truth is that many of them in Victoria and in Westminster have chosen to sleep on the streets and subsidise their drug / alcohol abuse by getting free food from the soup kitchens and spending every penny of their own money – made from begging or from benefits – on their drugs and alcohol.

Soup kitchens and people who give them money are, in reality, keeping them on the streets, dependent and irresponsible, making sure they never face up their problems or responsibilities.

The city council is absolutely right to do everything it can to make rough sleeping, begging and soup kitchens unacceptable in the UK in 2011.

It’s great, too, that the homeless charities have finally realised that rough sleeping, soup kitchens, begging, actually is the worst response possible.

People must be forced in their own best interests to accept the help that is offered from charities and the state.

It should no longer be their choice to live like this and force residents to put up with the attendant disorder, violence, anti-social behaviour.

Well done Westminster!

GR
Address supplied, SW1

The other day actually, me and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. In the end, we decided to find some poor, lost soul without even a roof over his head, and help him find the motivation to get off the street. To face up to his responsibilities and lead a productive, constructive life. To resist the lure of free soup and cups of tea and move into a lovely two-bed semi in Dorset. And what did we get in return? A stream of verbal abuse. Fucking ingrate.

Blah blah riots.

Thanks to Charlie.

just inmagin if we go through a national crisis like japan or food shortages or some pandemic just like nostradamus predicted humans will eat humans if anyone disagree just look at the above footage again we are becoming animals and animals becoming more civilised cant even think what it would be like if the goverment collapsed.
monjur

Right. You watch some twats mugging a kid with a bloody face, it doesn’t take a huge leap of the imagination to see them sat naked on their haunches, cocks swinging like little aubergines, chewing greedily on that same kid’s upper arms and thighs. And oh-ho, what’s this? One of them is happily lapping up his brain, holding the head like a punch bowl. See the look on the face there: a disgusting cocktail of agony, disbelief and horror, a frozen moment, like the kind of sick fuck Halloween mask you might find hanging in a weird, UV-lit, back-street novelty shop in Blackpool.

This is what happens when you take your eye, even momentarily, off the lower orders. As Nostradamus predicted: “The hooded ghost shall shatter the invisible wall / His bounty now within his grasp / Cities shall crumble and nations collapse / At his feet, clad in boxfresh Filas.”

Only the government can prevent this nightmare from becoming reality. With shrieking, reactionary politics and the kind of iron-fisted authoritarianism Michael Howard might’ve drawn the line at, they can force the revolting peasants back down where they belong, if not further. But they can’t do it without your help.

If you donate just £5 a month, we can supply the government with water cannon, baton rounds and funds for entertaining senior representatives of the tabloid press.

Together, we can deny them a future. Together, we can drain them of hope. Together, we can gang-fuck the poor.

Thanks to Ros, who found Asquith going on about… well, I don’t know. But apparently it’s riot related.

If the army is sent in, that in itself will be a national humiliation.

Its important to remember that women (the Base Unit) are programmed to measure men by social status (Alpha, Beta, Omega), which means that men, who are little more than USB Flash Drives that are plugged into women, have no reason or purpose to live without their “functionality.”

Human Beings basically do Three Things:

1. Create
2. Fuck
3. Destroy

If a man cannot do 1 or 2, then many will turn to 3.

Don’t forget the lack of male teachers, too.Only role models for boys are thick footballers and idiot rappers.
Asquith

Oooh, I don’t know mate. I’m sure you could be a decent male role model. After all, what society really needs right now is men who can turn everything into a diatribe about their inability to form or maintain relationships with the opposite sex, taking their own failures and extrapolating them into the root cause of big, complicated issues because it’s just common sense.

Not that I’m comfortable with these dangerous assumptions, you understand. But if the cap fits – and preferably has a slogan on it about how everything is the fault of women – then, well, you should probably wear it. And then march in the street holding a big placard that says something like, “UNDERVALUED BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS” or “I AM NOT JUST A PENIS, BASE UNIT”.

You could even riot. I note that the vast majority of the rioters consisted of socially retarded single males who got sick of watching too much internet porn and making shit up, the closest they got to fucking and creating. Well, actually, I just assumed it because of the blinding glare off the surface of the pasty-white crowd when they got close to the bits of society that were burning to the ground.

Please don’t blame me for this, ladies. It’s not really my fault, this tendency to assume things. The missus unplugged me without clicking the ‘safely remove hardware’ button first.

Here’s a parrot that can speak Urdu. And here’s a bell-end who thinks the parrot has learned English.

So a Parrot can learn Urdu as well as English while a bloke in Pakistan gets his wife to sue the British Government because HE refuses to learn English, and unless he does we won’t let him migrate here. It sort of puts things in perspective dosn’t it!
Marshian, Romney Marsh

Yep, sure does. For instance, I’m a long way away from you right now, but even from here I can tell that your brain is very, very small. Incidentally, the parrot can also bark like a dog, so you can expect him to start making comments on the Daily Mail website any day now.

are you crackers? it’s a PARROT!
rosy bertram, essex

That was quick! Also, hilarious.

Oh, dear. Something awful has happened. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, what with being trapped in your white, middle class, bubble of liberal idealism, but some serious shit’s going down right now. It’s so serious, in fact, that this cunt has taken a break from dishing out street justice in copious amounts because it’s just become far too dangerous. Luckily for us, he went and got on the internet straight away, just to make this outrageously docile comment:

I would have liked to help stop the thuggary but I did not want to get arrested, sued, breach their human rights, get fined by “no win no fee” solicitors, get a criminal record, lose my job. It looks like the law/police/goverment is on the side of the thugs, blindfolding common sence. If the the law is incapable then take away all their money including their family who shelter them.
david jones, walsall uk

Oh, fucking hell, David! Just when we needed you! Just when Commissioner Gordon was on the blower to me, asking exactly where you were, and if your Batman suit had come back from the dry cleaners yet – now you tell us that this is the point where you can’t help us any more! After all, when law and order has broken down, when the State has failed and when anarchy prevails, you’re quite rightly scared of getting sued! On contingency! These things happen. I’ve seen The Incredibles. You’d end up in kangaroo court or something, and I’ve heard they’re even more sarcastic than Judge Judy.

Just when we need David Jones where he does most good – on the streets of Walsall in rubber undies, wandering around with what the guy in the shop told him was a 12″ black rubber serrated baton – he fails us. The alternative plan of taking all their money away could work, but without David to protect us they’ll just steal all our stuff anyway! And they can do that even when they’ve had their benefits cut!

DAVID, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US??? WHO WILL SAVE US NOW!!?!

Two superheroes have been spotted in and around London over the past few days called ‘Blackman and Robbing’.
Call-me-Coconut, UK

Well, Clinical Depression Boy is about to turn up. Can he help us? Unlikely. He usually just induces catatonic foetal positions and extended absences from the internet.

TEAR GAS – RUBBER BULLETS – TASERS -STUN GUNS – CHEMICAL PARALYZING SPRAYS – HIGH AUDIO FREQUENCY BLASTERS – TRANQUILIZING ELEPHANT GUN DARTS – WATER CANNONS WITH PURIFYING ROTTING DYE – all need to be used ASAP and all we get from this home secretary is she tells us she is watching the CCTV…………………………….!!!!!!!
Roy, Essex

Oh, thank fuck for that. Our worries are over. It turns out that Roy will defend us all, weilding the massive hard-on he gets after reeling off the names of a whole bunch of fictional military technology what he did drew when it was raining. Just pray to God he doesn’t have a wank.

Anyway, never mind calling out for a hero. What we really need to know is how we can connect this to Muslims.

Here is another reason to outright BAN face coverings.
melita, ex pat

Thanks melita! And give my regards to Pat when you see him. Unless he still thinks you’re a cunt and avoids you like the plague, like everyone else.

Some of us have opinions about things like browsers. Some of us use Internet Explorer. All of us are spunking our lives away.

The interpipes briefly played host to a bit of a bukkake party last week, after reports emerged of a survey which supposedly found that the average IE user is blessed with a lower IQ than those who use Firefox, Chrome or Opera to look at tits and videos of cats in boxes.

But now we must clean up, put our trousers back on, mutter some half-hearted goodbyes and shuffle away back to our families with our eyes fixed firmly on the floor, because it turns out the whole thing was a hoax.

Look on the bright side, though – Ian’s found this wanker lingering in the basement, still trying to get hard.

I mean look, IE is the default browser on nearly all computers sold, so of course more people will use it. The higher computer literate people might switch, and are more likely to, than the average user, im afraid to say mainly women, in my experience, who just use “The internet” and hope it works. I am not saying women have lower IQ, i am not sure what the test was about exactly, but it does seem likely that the people using IE, are because they have no idea there are other browsers, or just use a computer to do internet things and nothing fancy or power user(y)
jamieostrich

You know, “The internet”. It’s the stripped-down version of the internet that comes bundled with overpriced, low-spec computers in PC World, which are sold – I’m afraid to say, though I’m going to say it anyhow, without any justification whatsoever – mainly to women.

“The internet” was developed in 2009 by Magnup Hamilto of California. While working for a popular high street ISP, Hamilto noticed that his company’s broadbands were frequently being clogged up by casual users doing frivolous things like communicating with other human beings and online banking and what have you. His answer? “The internet”, designed to draw fucken n00b5 and chicks away from the internet, freeing it up for proper users who need hella raw digital power to do hardcore high-tech shit.

Real computer guys don’t just use “The internet” and hope it works. They use the internet and hope it doesn’t work. Because real users love nothing more than wasting whole evenings configuring software just so it’ll do the job it was fucking designed to do.
Magnup Hamilto

Hamilto is now developing Internet Pro, which is a lot like the internet, except you need a £500 license to use it, plus it has a save function or something. Internet Pro will be available to super power elite users in spring 2012. Why not order your copy now?