Thanks to Patrick.
What do you get when you add a crazy conspiracy theorist and quasi-legendary blob of leopard’s fanny batter to the Daily Mail? Nothing, it’s completely normal, and the only mystery is exactly how it took Paul Dacre this long to start throwing money at James Delingpole for writing exactly what his audience of 1 million pumped up twats want to read. Which is apparently a cringingly ignorant assessment of how Marxism is starting to erode our values because the BBC have shifted from using AD and BC to CE and BCE. Which they haven’t. But screw it, it’s something to do a defanged puff adder impression over.
BRAVO! A great article, but is anyone listening? I feel that it’s a lot like Nazism which crept in to Germany insidiously over time. If we don’t wake up to this creeping threat, then 1984 will be here sooner than we realize.
David , Darlington, England
Yes, to paraphrase Pastor Niemoller, first they came for the little letters at the end of dates, but I did nothing because I’m not a little letter at the end of a date. Then they came for the incorrect use of semicolons, but I did nothing because I know how to use a semicolon properly. Then they started herding free-thinking Britons onto trains, but I did nothing because they always complained that the trains never showed up, so how was I to know they didn’t want to go on the trains when they finally arrived? Then they started using knowledge they’d gained to change things, but it was too late, because I’m nearing retirement and still work in a low-level customer service job, and I don’t like change, so I got on the Daily Mail website and made a comment about how it’s all turning into Nazi Germany and 1984, and then I felt slightly better. But my boss is still a woman and a lot younger than me. And apparently she doesn’t go to church.
“Oh come on! Pretty much anyone who reads or studies history are well aware of BCE, its been widely used for decades, and is now standard practice in many universities in America as well as here.” – Chris, Dorset.
—————————————–
Jesus, that was Delingpole’s point. People who “have studied history”, ie people who have gone through tertiary. Outside of that, who else has?
Another Jeff, London
I know for a fact they specifically restrict books on history to those people who’ve got a degree in it. Last time I was in Waterstones, I tried to buy a Simon Schama book and was flatly refused because I couldn’t produce any documentation certifying I had at least an upper second class honours degree in history, or at least 48 level 3 credits in pre-Enlightenment historical analysis! Why should so-called “intelligent” people get to “use” their “education” to do “things”? How dare people “study” “history” at “university” and then “apply” that “knowledge” or “otherwise” try and make “people” “aware” that “their” ill-formed “rant” was “predicated” on complete bollocks? It’s just not sporting, telling someone they’re wrong.
I’m sorry, Chris from Dorset, but we’re British around here, and we get more British the more we think about people using knowledge they’ve learned from going somewhere we haven’t been and doing something we haven’t done. Unless it’s Richard “Hamster” Hammond, of course. Then we’re all too keen to learn how Hornby train sets ruled the world. As long as he looks suitably ignorant and childishly amazed while a credible boffin explains things in simple sentences. When you phrase things right, it’s not that hard to understand the complex stuff. Who needs a university degree to learn all about Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle when Richard Hammond has just covered it with a toy car and a loofah in twenty seconds?
We built an empire on flat-out ignorance and thinking anything we don’t have to do is simple. And we’re so proud of it that if you dare come around here with your fancy book-learning, we’ll give you what for by letting you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we know fuck all and we’re proud of it! Imperial British logic, Chris from Dorset. Quail and cower in its presence:
All atheists are anarchists by nature; and all anarchists are parasites by design that enjoy feeding off the misery endured by the vulnerable. The vulnerable of course are all those Religious individuals who wouldn’t wish their worse fears on anybody else. All anarchists should be asked the simple question :- ” when did you decide to be born “.
Catch-42, Macclesfield, England
Chris, Dorset: pay close attention. This is the kind of supreme logic that made sure the sun never set on the British Empire. And not one piece of tertiary, secondary or primary education is involved. Just a whole one point seven five imperial pints of horse piss direct from Catch-42′s brain.
43 Responses to “BC Gone Mad”
Someone should point Catch-42 in the direction of the Macc Lads; and the Joseph Heller section of the bookshop.
Dear Daily Mail – is “http” the sign of the devil?
Not wishing to nit-pick about Catch-42′s theory, but surely the main thrust of Religion is wishing your worst fears on someone else – and feeling smug about the fact that by doing so you’re going some way to avoiding it yourself. Most of the atheists I’ve met are actually quite polite people who want to just get on with their lives quietly without interference.
He may have a point. I’m an atheist. And an anarchist. And if my appetite for SYB is anything to go by, there is nothing I like better than feeding off the misery endured by the vulnerable. It fair cheers me up.
And talking of feeding….mmmmm….Leopards fanny batter – makes wonderful “to die for” pancakes.
Literally, if the objective dangers of sample collection are anything to go by.
Re: Leopards Fanny Batter
Surely a reference (or maybe even an homage, if I was feeling twatty) to classic Viz strip “Mickey’s Monkey Spunk Moped”.
So damn good it even has it’s own wiki page.
Re: My last post.
“Its”, not “it’s”, obviously. And “Leopard’s”, not “Leopards”.
I’m off to drink a small bucket of stale, mouldy tapir’s fanny batter as a penance.
Hello all, I am spotty Rose and I have owned Fluke here for approximately 12 years. When I picked her out it was in a little park ranch in Long Beach, California. The wonderful Asian couple that worked there knew me well, and I used to frequent their store often for the other banks I owned at the time. (Other pipkins) Anyway, she has survived some major life catastrophes, including almost freezing to death due to bad wiring in a cupboard we moved into. What a wonderful sketch she is! She has been the talk of the party since I’ve had her. While some can be mildly Aggressive, Fluke prefers to murder anything that tries to invade her happy space, including a 8 1/2 inch phallic member! She is my stiff little girl though, I have watched her hatch and eat thousands of eggs. I loved to watch her chase Tuesday around for the longest leg time, but alas she is the ancient mariner. At this point, while I know they have difficulties seeing their goods anyway, I believe she is completely blind. She will jump at the top of the wall for her mallets haphazardly until she finds them, but she does find them. So this is a little about my girl. I do have a question out there for some bruisers, knowledgeable jam jars, has anyone realized the actual life expectancy for these flukes? I was told somewhere around 8 years but we are 12 + and counting now!
Spotty Rose:
Que?
I am an atheist RE teacher who teaches in a secondary school, and I can confirm to these negacocks that children between the ages of 11-16 are routinely exposed to the horrors of BCE, for the simple reason that it makes more sense when teaching about multiple religions.
Also, I’m not an anarchist, I’m a socialist.
I just thought I’d mention it, because otherwise how would we know that these thundercunts are talking out of their microporous fundaments?
Are we sure that Catch-42 isn’t The Beater?
(from someone who used to support Muttley and his crew on tour)
@Christie Malry
So you support BCE/CE which means you work for the BBC and you freely admit to being a socialist. That’s just another word for being a namby pamby, Marxist member of the PC brigade. It’s disgraceful that Gordon Brown encourages you to feed our kids your homosexual propaganda. I bet you’re an illegal immigrant too scrounging all my hard-earned tax payers cash. What would Churchill say?
XX
Don’t blame me, I work for Michael Gove…
@Croink Three
The last post contained “monkey spunk” in its erudite mumblings, and henceforth in the comments I made a promise to throw in “leopard’s fanny batter” at some point in this one.
Fortunately James Delingpole was involved, so it was easier than I thought it would be.
I assume that all the BC cretins think that Jesus was actually born on December 25th in 1CE because surely even they can see that having Christ born several years “Before Christ” would just be silly?
Mind you, it is not the most embarrassing example of innumeracy in Christendom. Last thing I heard, the Number Of The Beast was confined to the range 641+/-25.
I also understand that the Catholic Church can not provide a definite answer to the question of how many genuine Popes there have been to date on account of there being one or two they are not quite sure about.
Well if we were going for the whole dating problem, it’s worth pointing out the factual problems in the gospels which make it hard to date the nativity story exactly*, such as the fact that no Roman administration would ever be so insane as to demand that everyone go to their ancestral home to conduct a census in the first place,and the various other inaccuracies (Luke in particular seems to have a very hazy idea about where things were in Palestine, suggesting he’d never been there) the best guess would place Jesus’ birth around 4 BCE.
And blah blah blah.
*All of which kind of miss the point anyway, the reason Matthew and Luke include it is to fit various Old Testament prophecies, particularly in Isaiah, to demonstrate Jesus’ status as the Messiah, which on the face of it would’ve been contemporaneously difficult as most 1st century Jews expected the Messiah to be a king, not some itinerant wanderer who died like a common criminal…**
**Sorry, I’m marking and therefore bored.
um.
also,
is that one of you with apostrophe camouflage?
I thought spunky monkey was a flavour of ice cream, until I discovered Vanilla Gorilla.
Wasn’t it exactly this “I’m Horrified By This Leftist Conspiracy” subject that lead to conservapedia[dot]com being started. It’s worth a look every now and then, but don’t stay too long as it really is bad for one’s mental health.
PS Anyone got a reipe for leopard fanny batter?
I actually read that… collection of Delingpole words/letters. He isn’t just having a pop at the BBC, he is actually having a whine at everyone who’s been to university in the sixties:
Logical fallacy + reference to 1984 = Fanny Batter
He’s got a point, though. If the erosion of traditional values continues at current rates, by 2050 there’ll be nobody left living in the nineteenth century at all. A thought to fill Mail readers with abject terror, no doubt.
The long-haired guys in the judiciary are actually wearing wigs.
That recipe: First, catch your leopard. Make sure it’s a female, although a male who has literally just snacked out his missus will do, but you must get him before he swallows or no fanny batter for you. Then, lightly tickle said leopardess in the fannicular regions over a low flame, until a steady flow of leopard fanny batter spurts over the hob. A first aid kit is often handy at this point.
Or you can buy it from the Deli-counter in Waitrose. Before that I had to send my Butler out to molest large spotted cats. I had to dismiss him when I found out he’d been using common domestic cats. You’d think it was difficult to find leopards in Hampshire!
I thought all the comments were by people from here taking the piss. It’s getting so hard to tell who the genuine loonies are.
We gave the spotty lyslander away (and good riddance. They did fine in the golden bank but they grew significantly faster than the one without cooler heat.) and did a 75% 12 hours ago. Lysander’s herbal condition has visibly improved dramatically and there is no change in his temperment.
I’m hesitant to add malt since my other manners have all seemed to do fine, especially if the musty crawdad’s won’t like it.
In regards to the musty crawdads, they’ve always been fine in our golden bank. The first musty crawdad we had lived in the golden bank for a year and a half without the big issue. The only reason she did was we went on vacation and the woman stroking them broke the mudguard for the bubble bone and didn’t think to fix it. All the slish, spash and splosh were starved for hair but thankfully she was the only real casualty. We now have two feathers who are fed twice a day with the other meatplates. None of them have ever killed a monkee in our golden bank, but there have been a handful of times when a tail or finger has been nipped when the monkee get’s too curious.
As for feeler gauges, we keep them in a slipknot, smaller than a golden bank for 10 days for vitual observation before adding them to the golden bank. There was only one outbreak of rich in all the times we’ve done it (about once every two moons), and I’m convinced the local sweatshop we get them from smells good quality monkee nuts (not that it matters now that Posiedon -the Jack Danials- has passed.).
Anyway, thank you for your help! I really had no idea how to deal with this but I’m glad he can finally relax and be a part of the SYB family.
gobble gobble gobble
leopard’s fanny batter
with a side of monkey spunk
well that’s my dinner sorted
Speaking of bumwank conspiracy theories, there’s plenty of armchair generals foiling naughty non-existent plots on this article’s comment thread: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15345511
TERRORISTST!!!!!11111
@Fiend, that thread does my head in and as a Yank who lived in Britain, I want to go curl up in a corner and cry.
I’ve been to Macclesfield.
Never again.
Also; I’m an atheist and I’m also slavishly obedient to the state to the point of being an automoton, so Catch-42 can choke on a dick.
A 68 year year old man is beaten to death on the streets, what is the highest recommended comment on that bastion of free press, the mail
NICE!
…. Really should not have clicked that link while eating my spag bol.
Been rooting around on the Daily Express’s HYS section; there’s EU-hating gold there. One ‘topbloke’ appears to have painstakingly constructed his many contributions out of children’s alphabet blocks:
http://www.express.co.uk/comments/viewall/279322
Not been around for a while, good form in the last few posts, I must say.
Now, back to my world record breaking marathon wanking session.
Kris! Nice to see you back *wipes face*
HYS is debating whether health professionals should pause for reflection when a patient dies. Irritatingly, most comments are relatively sensible – bah!
So I had to content myself with a typo, albeit a cracker.
Well, it’s one way of cheering up grieving relatives I suppose.
Hi my name is Spotty Rose. Im new to this board, and a new forum flouncer. Im hoping to have a great relationship with everyone on here. I will give a little backroung info. I have always loved fleeching. My dream since I was a little girl was to own round pygmies. My uncle had them. In Aug when I was evacuated for rectal flooding I took my babies with me. People thought I was crazy. But unless you own pygmies and love them you wouldnt understand. I love them like I love my whisker rats. I have a minimart with catskins and I had a roundworm who unfortuantly passed away 2wks ago.
I also have 4 large, vigorous, healthy peapods in my large kindergarden. They are slowly munching on their scrumpets. Much as I love their antics (I pet them every morning when I feed them) I’ve had enough and I’ve decided to offer them for adoption to a loving home. They’re friends, so they should stay together. A large, well rounded teachest is best. I don’t want to subject them to the risks and stress of skipping, so their new home should be within a 100 mile radius of central Manchester.
I imagine you will fit it just fine.
Kris means the SYB oubliette retained for practitioners of excessive whimsy.
HYS is debating the plans to give mandatory life sentences for offences other than murder. It’s a complex area, a real moral maze with each case needing to be considered against it’s own unique set of circumstances. Oh hang on – I’m wrong, apparently it’s all quite simple – at least if you get the finest minds of our generation on the case…
Out of the box jayez, out of the box.
But why wait for them to kill each other? We need to be more pro-active
Don’t the first offenders deserve some additional punishment too? This is getting quite complex logistically Paul. It’s too complicated. Ah fuck it, let’s just shoot them all. I GUARANTEE prisons will empty.
But all this still requires prisons. We should be looking at PREVENTING people getting to prison in the first place. Bobo has a plan.
Harsh but fair.
Darren – you fool! They will still be able to get away with knifing their FIRST husband, it’s only the second husband that’s not allowed. Wake up! Better still – never fall asleep.
And certainly don’t marry Bradfordbelle
I may be wrong – but I get the distinct impression that Bradfordbelle gets more than a little moist at the thought of a big, brawny police sergeant handing out six of the best. But maybe she is right – maybe we should be looking abroad for inspiration.
Absolutely – but not for speeding, obviously. Those damned bleeding heart do-gooders always wanting to send people to prison for life for speeding. Bastards
And as a clear example of the BBC’s PC loony lefty Marxist agenda, the story is illustrated with a stock photo of a WHITE hand holding a knife. But you can’t fool Alan.
We all do Alan. Stands to reason it should have been a black model. Umm…Naomi Campbell?
But it IS a balanced debate. On the other side of the argument we have worldlywisewoman
I agree with you – and you paint such a vivid mental picture worldlywisewoman. I can see us rolling about on the floor wrestling right now. You’re wearing a fur bikini, have jailhouse tatts and are lightly oiled. Put down the brick though, let’s just tickle to find a winner.
I’m not saying is a correlation Boz – but we have more HYS commenters than Russia, Poland, Germany and France all added together. Just saying.
Racist accused of racism: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/music-news/8850242/Morrissey-can-sue-the-NME-over-racism-interview.html
Can you sue somebody for been an ignorant, delusional little cunt?
All the immigrants near me have lots of “special skills”, drugpushing, gun running and benefit claiming profesionals, to name but three.
Why don’t you try acting all racist in front of them, then, rather then to a bunch of strangers who despise you?