spEak You're bRanes

Some tedious wank about fake disableds from some pointless whittering arse, who seems to get paid solely for being the most right-wing person in the room at all times. He sets the bar high for wounded, belligerent stupidity, but the bottom half of the internet rises beautifully to the challenge.

MrBishi
Today 07:20 PM

In the 1950s and 60s unemployment was as low as 500,000 and that included the disabled. A remarkably low figure bearing in mind that this was shortly after WW2. Separate disability payments did not come into existence until the mid 1970s.

The obvious conclusion must be that there are a huge number of “fake” disabled claimants or the NHS has suffered a catastrophic failure.

I don’t want to sound like a conspiracy nut but, what if, shortly before the 1950s and 60s, something happened that made an awful lot of building and tidying work necessary, while simultaneously reducing the number of humans by quite a lot? I think we should be told.

Letter to West End Extra. From a cunt, naturally.

FINALLY, Westminster Council have got serious in their plans to end rough sleeping in the borough, and the horrible soup runs and daily begging which blight the areas off Victoria Street.

I am a local resident, and have been for 25 years. I have spoken to many rough sleepers, and virtually all of them have serious problems with alcohol, drug abuse and or mental health / personality disorder.

The longer they stay on the streets the worse their problems become, to the point where it is almost impossible for them to live productive or constructive lives.

The truth is that many of them in Victoria and in Westminster have chosen to sleep on the streets and subsidise their drug / alcohol abuse by getting free food from the soup kitchens and spending every penny of their own money – made from begging or from benefits – on their drugs and alcohol.

Soup kitchens and people who give them money are, in reality, keeping them on the streets, dependent and irresponsible, making sure they never face up their problems or responsibilities.

The city council is absolutely right to do everything it can to make rough sleeping, begging and soup kitchens unacceptable in the UK in 2011.

It’s great, too, that the homeless charities have finally realised that rough sleeping, soup kitchens, begging, actually is the worst response possible.

People must be forced in their own best interests to accept the help that is offered from charities and the state.

It should no longer be their choice to live like this and force residents to put up with the attendant disorder, violence, anti-social behaviour.

Well done Westminster!

GR
Address supplied, SW1

The other day actually, me and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. In the end, we decided to find some poor, lost soul without even a roof over his head, and help him find the motivation to get off the street. To face up to his responsibilities and lead a productive, constructive life. To resist the lure of free soup and cups of tea and move into a lovely two-bed semi in Dorset. And what did we get in return? A stream of verbal abuse. Fucking ingrate.

Notable American diplomat Richard Holbrooke is dead. Luckily I saw Scotty1694 before he fell foul of the moderators and managed to memorise his comment.

1. At 11:35am on 14 Dec 2010, scotty1694 wrote:
Who?

We’ve all seen these before, I know, but come on. Before anyone else could even blink, Scotty’s in there, letting everybody know how vitally important his complete and utter lack of anything at all to say is. Proudly, completely and pointlessly ignorant. No thought. No intelligence. Not a whiff of awareness of anything in the fucking world. Just pure, determined, tiny-cocked speed. This guy comments like Richard Hammond drives. POW!

Thanks to Andrew for finding this confused helmet, who not only thinks humans don’t commit crime, but once spent twenty minutes screaming at his satnav that it was actualy left, ended up driving 15 miles perpendicular to his destination, parking in a canal, climbing out, walking half a mile to the nearest patch of nettles, throwing himself in, missing and landing in a gorse bush. He probably didn’t actually, but I still like to imagine it.

Runckle wrote:
Personnaly I think all prisoners should lose all their human rights when convicted. So, they should not have the vote. A Human right is a priviledge not a God given right. First, you have to act like a human being before you get the right!

Runckle SHUSH! You apply that kind of rule, and we’ll end up giving the vote away to the first dog that can walk on its hind legs.

Should the Koran-burny man be allowed into Britain?

W Fletcher is worried about the pro-Islamism forces of Benny Hill extremists.

W Fletcher wrote:

Don’t see what the problem is – the spineless UK “government” allows moslem psychopaths to run amok shrieking about killing anyone who doesn’t believe their fairy story. So the presence of another nutter who shrieks about hell ‘n’ damnation etc etc for not believing his fairy story… should make little difference!

If I as normal person who dismisses BOTH fairy stories as tripe, were to stand on a street corner bawling my head off about killing members of either sect, I’d be arrested in 2.3730 nano seconds – but as long as it’s all done within the guise of a load of religious twaddle – then that’s OK matey….!!

Just make sure the police understand that you’re only standing on a street corner bawling in the capacity of a normal person. It might even be prudent to wear a special badge saying “I am definitely very normal”. And be careful, it’s a slippery slope. You start off with a little innocuous public screaming about Muslims, and next thing you know you’re on BBC Have Your Say.

A translation company advertises for Scouse and Geordie interpreters. The Daily Mail goes all weird.

Being a native of Newcastle & being quite able to speak the Queens English too, i’ll be happy to translate , post me the hourly rate..

Fusilier, Newcastle upon Tyne

Dear Fusilier,
Thank you for your interest in working for us. However, we are unfortunately unable to accept applications through newspaper comments sections. Please staple a copy of your CV to an old carrier bag and hang it in a tree. Thank you.

Leave regional accents alone! They are what gives flavor and character to a country.

tea drinker, lipton, usa

I could have sworn this was about recruiting interpreters for them rather than actually doing anything like banning them. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s the same thing. Maybe every time anything is mentioned in a newspaper, it goes illegal, and that’s how it works. I never knew. Am I reading the wrong way? I look at all the words and punctuation, in order usually, and then use their context and my existing knowledge of the English language to piece together what they mean as an ensemble. I don’t seem to be getting the right effect.

Maybe I should take a leaf out of Jane here’s book. Glance briefly at the headline, read eight words at random from the main body, roll it up, place it under my head as a pillow and close my eyes. Then whatever I dream – that’s the news.

What another waste of taxpayers money in this hard pressed times.They chose to come here either live with it or go home.

Jane, U.K

I’m now imagining Jane sitting at her desk, eating a banana, waving it at a colleague and saying through each mouthful “you know they’ve only gone and banned these now”.

Finally, a pompous pair arse of arsecheeks writes:

Sadly TV Channels – notably 5 and 4 pander to ridiculously exaggerated Geordie accents in the continuity announcers – but the truth is these people are virtually unemployable outside such niche areas or labouring. Similarly with the Glaswegian accent which is difficult to undertand at the best of times, but really dreaded by staff in English A&E Departments where combined with drunkeness it is unintelligble. I have often wondered whether school teachers in these areas have the same accent or just give up on trying to encourage the standard English learned by Germans and other Europeans which is a delight to hear.

David Bachauer, Manchester uk

How quintessential, humorous and melodious are the British regional dialects.Symphonic and poetic they are a delight to the ears. Shame on anyone who tries to denigrate them with snobbish rubbish.

Jim Calvert, Penticton, Canada

Such laughable poncy cocks, but with such fascinatingly different poncy-cock perspectives. Maybe you could settle your differences with rusty hooks? Last man sighted wins?

There’s a new New-New Labour leader. I got a memo from Polly Toynbee saying Jews are PC now, anti-Semitism is passé, and the slogan is now “Ciabatta to Israel”. I’m meant to pass it on.

Desiderius Erasmus wrote:

Have the Labour Party just elected as leader a man who has only been an MP since 2005, who is living with someone their child, but who isn’t married, and is the son of a Jewish Marxist Communist theorist?

I ask only because surely this ticks every box in the PC wish list …. how will this play in the Muslim community?

Every box? What? Wait. Hang on! Ed Miliband is gay?

HYS distilled. Angry, wilfully ignorant stupidity boiled down to its essence.

wildlancaster wrote:

Now let me think about that one…….NO

Fibber.

Thanks to Chris. One of my favourite types of comment. Every time any study is published on anything, one arsewit always decides that, instead of wasting time discovering if crows can do jigsaws, they should all be working in the directly related fields of earthquake and cancer prevention. This time some scientists have isolated the specific dance moves that make men attractive to women. Scoteee, however, is an expert on the science of women, having recently spunked up one.

Posted by: scoteee

Dr Neave believes the dance movements may form honest signals of a man’s reproductive quality, in terms of health, vigour or strength.

I’m the Worlds worst dancer, last month my partner and I chose to have try for a baby, this week we are pregnant.
Utter rot, Is there any chance these Doctors can do something more productive?

I feel I should paraphrase. Scoteee wonders if these scientists, having received a lucrative research grant to make themselves more attractive to women in clubs, should not have just jacked it in and stuck more organs in formaldehyde.

I also liked this comment from Denise Perping, who dances in the spirit of Christian charity.

Posted by: Denise Perping

The right knee’s speed of movement?! I’ve never knowingly avoided someone because their knee is moving too fast? slow? Does the left knee need to know what the right knee is doing?

Thanks to Andy and Dave. Assortment of desperately important opinions on the Mail and BBC, on the vital topic of writing on envelopes. Apparently the Post Office just need a house number and a postcode, and you needn’t bother writing, say, the county. They’ve probably also got their own shorthand to speed things up. All good things, right?

I am with Andrea (12.35) on this I will not be party to this erosion that stinks of the EU. Who do they think they are the Borg out of Star Trek where resistance is futile ?. Sorry pal, I am with the resistance on this. There is no way such things as the Cheshire show will be refered to as the 4NW Show. We are not going to throw away over 1000 years of history for the sake of what looks like an efficency drive by the Post Office,which I suspect is an attempt long term to standardise to a EU post coding system by first taking away the individuality of the area.
Mark, Manchester

This is a tricky one. How to shake free from the iron grip of the postie and his shadowy EU paymasters? All I can think of is you could continue to write the county and refer to it in conversation.

I’ll always continue to use county names. The Royal Mail will NOT dictate to me. I AM NOT A NUMBER…….
jb, sussex

I bet your house is called “Dunroamin” you pointless arse.

The Post Office says all they need is a house number and postcode. So, all these years, I’ve wasted hours writing out street, town and county names on hundreds of Christmas cards? From now on I’ll address the card to Aunt Nelly, 39, and the postcode – for the first time ever my right hand won’t be numb on Christmas Day!
Kevin, Belfast

Try sitting on it. Or using your left maybe.