spEak You're bRanes

Something about UFOs. Should we take them more seriously? Probably. It’s like HYS. You’re desperately looking for signs of intelligence, but all you find is a paranoid bunch of ballaches going on about the same things over and over and over again.

These alien visitation people are usually very boring and very mental – so much so that these deluded idiots going on about space aliens and probes are just too much for JohnH. Let’s get some science rolling. Some long, windy, science.

Let me explain the science as simply as possible.

You are on a fairground ride, the ‘waltzer’ being spun around very fast. You cannot move your arm, why? Newtons Law of Thermodynamics. A body accelerating increases in effective mass (weight). Go then on the swinging boat thing, as you swing back and forth you feel a lightness in your stomach. This is due to decelerating and a reduction in effective mass (weightlessness).

Now; send up a rocket and travel faster and faster. There has to be a limit and it is the speed of light. Travel at the speed of light (SoL) and you weigh infinity. So if you can only travel at or near SoL it would take 5 years to reach the nearest star and 200 years to reach the nearest S3 planet (its all to do with diameter and distance from a sun – try and keep up!).

So; if aliens are here they have found away to travel by other means. ALL science fiction writers know this. That is why StarTrek uses warp speed, StarWars uses hyperspace, Issac Assimov wrote about traveling in Parsecs etc.

If aliens are here, and its a big if, their technology is so far ahead of ours that to explain it would be like trying to explain the workings of your computer….. to a slug.

And yet.

They are supposed to have ‘crashed’ a spaceship at Roswell in the 1950′s.

So an alien technology that dwarfs ours rides around the skies like a boy-racer on a saturday night.

I don’t think so.

Remember what Hannibal Lectur said in ‘silence of the lambs’…..

“What is it in it’s self”

UFO’s are exactly what it says on the tin, an Unidentified Flying Object.

We do not know what it is and it’s pointless guessing.

Finally, a childrens poem about 5 blind men and an elephant.

None had seen an elephant (obviously) but knew it to be different from all other animals. So they went to find an elephant, and when told one was in a field they each intern approaced it.

The first grabbed it by its tail ‘its like a rope’

The second grabbed a leg ‘its like a tree’

The third touched its side ‘its like a wall’

The fourth grabbed an ear ‘its like a fan’

The fifth grabbed a tusk ‘its like a spear’

To conclude – each went their way, each to sing their song, but though the were all partially right, they were all completlly wrong.

With less to go on than the blind men lets stop guessing shall we?
JohnH

That’s some serious scientific reality there. After getting through that BSc material, I’m feeling about as real as you could possibly get. Normally I float around the place in a daze, but “Newtons Law of Thermodynamics” grounded me like a drunk pilot. Accepting the advanced knowledge of Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas in making shit up took me a step closer to accepting cruel, atomic level reality; and when I got to Isaac Asimov – sorry, Issac Assimov – “traveling in Parsecs” I definitely knew I existed, because I lost control of my bladder. But if I was in any doubt as to how real things could get, the elephant poem effectively cut off my balls and stuffed them in my ears.

I’m very glad I’m real, and not just some kind of massive cunt squatting in someone’s febrile imagination.

I find the subject of UFO’s as funny as the site ‘speak your branes’.
The former do not exist (they are just unidentified flying objects) not flying saucers. QED: Figments of your imagination.
The latter do not exist (they are just dullards who need to learn the English language) being figments of their own imagination.
reflector2

Oh, no! Everything I thought about myself was wrong! JohnH had me believing it, and now reality has been pulled from under my feet like Peter Venkman pulled out the tablecloth from under the flowers in Ghostbusters! Remember that? They caught ghosts, though, not aliens. Ghosts are real. “And the flowers are still standing!” Hilarious. They were in the dining room of the hotel, and they were looking for Slimer? And they had those awesome particle streamers? They were real. Weren’t they? Weren’t they… oh, n-

On the scale of trying to find excuses not to do stuff (I’ve yet to find a name for it because I can’t find the time to sit down and think about it) HYS reaches its very zenith when they discuss free milk for the under fives.

Let us be realistic here. The issue of milk is to children under the age of 5. Have you ever given a drink to a child that age? Unless totaly supervised, the child is more likely spill it or simply leave it. Its far better to give milk to children at home and under proper supervision.
mildenhalljohn

Well, you got me. Can’t fault that argument.

Really, I can’t. It’s so fucking stupid I can’t think of anything to say in response.

I’d like to thank Tim for sending us this. On the face of things, it’s all about Aborginal kids starving to death in rural Australia. But in reality, it’s all about Collin Brown. And may I say – wow. I mean, wow.

It’s almost admirable how racist Collin has managed to become. Here’s a man approaching critical mass – in the Large Hadron Collider of race relations, Collin is one man who’s been bombarded with too many Muslons, and at some point probably copped an Africon to the temple. When I read his anal dribble, I feel like I’m watching White Beauty escape majestically across the fields, shouting racial epithets and “It’s science! It’s for their own good!” as he goes. And then, just as I’m about to put the cunt out of my misery, I feel Nelson’s hand on my arm…

“No, Dizzy. Let this one go.”

I derive no satisfaction in pointing out using empirically derived data that proves beyond doubt, that Sub Saharan Africans (black people) have a very low IQs compared to many. But being aware of this data, accepting this data as factual, is at least a starting point to properly helping Africans. If we continue to pretend that we are all equally smart, Africans will not receive the help they truly need.

If my forthrightness makes me a race-hating-bigot in the eyes of liberals, so bit it – it is a price I’m willing to pay, to make a real change.
Collin Brown

Oh. I see. Yeah, very, er, ‘forthright’. I could see how people could easily confuse that with racism, but on closer inspection, it’s not racist – Collin doesn’t hate Africans. He just pities them with science and shit. After reading Collin’s posts, I’m starting to see the benefits of keeping them doing manual labour and breeding them. If only someone had thought of this a few hundred years ago. They could have built a country.

Collin doesn’t feel good about this absolutely true and empirically derived situation – on the contrary, the burden of this knowledge weighs heavily on his shoulders. The way he bears this cross is practically heroic. Clearly, this man is a fucking saint. Benevolent pity is the only realistic way forward. Feeling sorry for the poor bastards who had the misfortune to be born closer to animals than to God’s glorious shade of pristine-white-or-maybe-slightly-pink-depending-on-the-season is a much better approach than anything we’ve tried so far. Most importantly, it’s not hatred. No – that would be racist! After all, you don’t hate horses for being horses, do you? That’d be silly! Also, horsist.

Being born in a stable, doesn’t make one a horse.

British Muslims, – can there really be, such a thing? Maybe in a civic sense – but a Muslim is a Muslim and no amount of political correctness will change their DNA into British DNA.

If 10’000 Muslims moved into a corner of a British city they, (as a policy among Muslims) will only spend their money within their community – a system known as (Black Money) They will shop at major supermarkets but they wont spend money with British tradesmen and small retailers.

As a result, long-established British business dry-up owing to a severe drop-off in trade which of course leads to: job losses.

Jewish people? Hmm, OK. You did ask, so here goes.

Atheistic Jews (non-religious-Jews), lack many Semitic features that characterise a Jewish person. Semitic Jews are not the Jews, that people constantly criticise. Atheistic ‘Jews’ – such as Peter Mandelson, look ordinary – void of a Semitic (orthodox, Palestinian-look). It is these (select) ‘Jews’, who insist on countries having anti-Semitic laws (not to protect Semite Jews, but to stem criticism of their business practices from coming under scrutiny). Atheistic ‘Jews’ claim to be a people – not a race – a statement which in part, is true. However, this claim does not hold up because Atheistic (internationalist, high-flying ‘Jews’, are essentially European ‘Jews’ -(Bolsheviks) – the architects of communism – void of many Semitic features.

Atheistic ‘Jews’, (in the strictest sense), are not really Jews at all. A portion of them make up part of the international elite who influence and control politicians around the world. The ‘Jews’ who do this, are universally disliked not for what they are, but for what they do.

Orthodox Jews – on the other hand – Semites are a peace-loving race who believe in keeping themselves to themselves. Off course there are many, Semitic descendants in this world with Jewish names, who have no aspirations to impoverish the lives of ordinary people for self-gain.
Collin Brown

Oh, man. I don’t mind telling you that after reading all those facts, I have a tingly feeling going on in the crotch area. It’s brilliant – the scent of a rose that blooms once every thousand years. You just don’t get this quality of racism nowadays. The study of the Jew! British DNA! That kind of stuff extends my phenotype, if you know what I mean. I start picturing beautiful, pristine white British DNA being attacked by some kind of multicultural radiation. Koranium or Judaenium or something. And the only thing that stops it is a suit lined with… oh, I don’t know, Griffonium? Yeah, Griffonium.

But if you thought Collin was just about disjointed race-based thinking, then you thought wrong. He’s also all about the curse of Gay. And again, Collin doesn’t resort to base emotions like hatred – the recourse of liberals and Marxists everywhere. No, he uses reason, and his objections are not raised to stop you from having equality – heaven forbid – but to save you from a major social faux pas…

For heterosexual married-couples departing a hotel after a 7-day stay, it is quite common for either party to announce one, of the two, exit phrases:

(1). My husband and I, would like to checkout – please.
(2). My wife and I would like to checkout – please.

How, I ask, will same-sex ‘married’ couples phrase their exit announcements, not to mention introductions. Imagine, (as a newly ‘married’ SSC) attending a cocktail party (for business reasons) as a man having to introduce everyone to your new husband – or for that matter, as a female, having to introduce everyone to your new wife?

Is this really, what same-sex couples want? As a SSMC, will both of you – (emotionally-speaking), be able to live up to your new-found status or, will you revert to ‘reticent-mode’ when straight-couples look upon you in a somewhat quizzical fashion?
Collin Brown

You didn’t think about that, did you, you selfish fuckers. In your drive for ‘equality’, you forgot that you could, on occasion, confuse people at business-related cocktail parties. Just imagine the look on your line manager’s face when you introduce your same-sex husband as your husband over a plate of cheeses on sticks. Can you picture the look of searing pain across his face as he tries to work it out? Well, then. Lesson learned. Now we can save him all the pain of reconciling that in his poor, overheated brain. Did I mention that in this fantasy your line manager is black? He’s black.

Enjoy Collin Brown to the fullest. He’s a dying breed – after all, the nearest he gets to reproducing is the crusty sock he keeps under his pillow next to the well-thumbed copy of Mein Kampf.

HomoSafari. It’s like dipping your face into a bucket full of shit and razor blades marinated in lemon juice.

There is nothing racist or fascist about:

1) wanting to maintain one’s cultural heritage
2) opposing the undemocratic and expansionist New European Empire
4) opposing immigration scams
3) wanting an ecologically sustainable level of population

Your ‘lefty’ insults are pathetic.
HomoSafari

I’d just like to add:

9) something something indigenous white working class
d) wankburger
Я) islamofascism

So that’s the immigrants and the socialists told good and proper, then. Good job. Who else would you like to blame?

This is what misandric feminist bigots have wanted all along, to destroy the male role in society and the fraudulent ‘liberal’ media have colluded with them.

I am glad that I am the ‘wrong’ side of 40 and old enough to remember when men were not subject to institutionalised so-called ‘positive’ discrimination.
HomoSafari

Yeah. The good old days. When men were men and when you were still a massive gobshite.

Funny. I read HomoSafari‘s impression of Britain’s cultural heritage – the one where everyone’s a vicious, misogynistic, selfish racist with views on homosexuality so offensive they get censored within two minutes of being aired – and I’m not exactly peeing my pants to want to save it. In fact, it has directly the opposite effect – it makes me want to stick needles sideways up me Jap’s so I’ll in no way be in danger of contributing to its continuation.

Oh, wait! He’s not done! Keep reading kids, because I’m sure this is going to be worthwhile.

Indeed and male graduates with good typing skills are more likely to be rejected. After I graduated in 1990, I took RSA classes, gaining the relevant qualifications in typewriting (on a proper typewriter – remember them?) and word processing, but I still found myself at the receiving end of anti-male discrimination when it came to seeking employment.
HomoSafari

Alternatively, you could explore your massive personality defect as a cause. Remember, it’s not discrimination if you’re just some kind of cunt.

Thanks to Patrick W.

Remember Dennis Junior? There was a man who warmed the cockles of my heart with his detailed and conscientious responses to HYS questioning. He showed that it’s not winning the racism, it’s the taking part that counts.

Now, imagine Dennis Junior as a complete twat. That would be Toad in the Hole. He’s very much a corgi’s anus, but very thorough with it – no question gets left un-wanked on. The difference between Dennis Junior and Toad in the Hole is that mingled in with the desire to respond to every single question posed on HYS – even if he himself admittedly knows fuck all or doesn’t give a shit – is the equally strong desire to air his docile, simplistic, wanky opinions on everything he might think he knows something about.

Should stars get involved with politics?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

Will the Afghanistan leaks affect security?

No idea.
Toad in the Hole

Is the TV portrayal of gay and lesbian people fair?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

What impact will Argentina’s legalising of gay marriage have?

I don’t care.
Toad in the Hole

He can have an opinion, though. It’s not all apathy and mole-like vision.

Will aid help improve security?

Will aid help improve security? No.
Toad in the Hole

Which UK city would be most worthy of culture award?

None, they’re all hell holes rife with crime, drugs, gangs and Labour voters.
Toad in the Hole

Yeah, a sense of humour always helps. I’m not sure if Toad in the Hole started off as a Dennis Junior and ended up being corroded by the flecks of spit on HYS, or whether he’s just another high-functioning literalist with a laptop and a modem. But you know, at least he has a sense of irony…

Should you be anonymous online?

People who post anonymously normally have something to hide.
Toad in the Hole

But not, you eh, Toad? Or should I just call you Mr. or Mrs. Hole? Odd though, considering all that we know about you after reading through your comments on your profile, we still don’t know your name, age, gender, where you live, what you do for a living, if you’re married or if you have kids. In fact, one would assume that you’re anonymous. Or that you’re very clever and you’re being a very smart little iron, instead of a ridiculous parody of a human being.

Don’t assume though – you make a twat out of yourself. Or no, wait – you don’t do that by assuming things. You do that by saying things like this:

No matter what the religion or sexually orientation is, Britain is full. We cannot cope with the population we have now. People here today are losing their jobs, their homes and their dignity, while at the same time 1000′s of immigrants continue to arrive, why?
Toad in the Hole

I don’t know. Perhaps the next post you made can answer that tricky question – after all this, I’ve been dying to hear how you think we should contribute to society.

I Work for living, don’t scrounge off the state and don’t commit crimes nor participate in anti social activates.
Toad In The Hole

Yeah, that’d be it. It’s your job. Literally, mate, it’s your specific job. After all, in what other country could you get a job where one of the main duties is to post twenty fucking times, every single fucking day, including weekends, on every single fucking topic that appears on HYS, including stuff you know fuck all about, stuff you don’t give a shit about, and stuff you think you know about, but which, in reality, you know fuck all about?

Well, Britain. And probably Narnia. But I heard they deal with immigrants quite harshly there.

Thanks to Damon for a bit of a change from the usual rancid warbling on HYS, where they’ve been asking how should people contribute to society?

This is theprotectors, who, for a change from HYS, doesn’t think contributions to society peak at being a cunt to the darker shades of it. No, the revolutionary idea here is that everyone should be nice to each other. That’s not really an idea I can get on board with, but at least it’s original in a HYS context. And doesn’t involve banning burqas.

If people in genral could be nice to eachother and show some considaration to someone else then alot would have been won.
The nature of the society has become harder more hateful.
How is this for a cree: Dare to care and dare to share.
What is wrong with that.
We all are human and we all live on this litle earth.
We need to wake up and start to take care of the earth and us. Stop the wars and so on.
theprotectors

That’s the way to go. I can’t fault the attitude, but the planning needs some work. I think theprotectors might be an ideas person, like Jesus Himself Christ was portrayed in The Bible. Or Genesis And So On, as we call it round our way. Obviously, the details need to be left to the little people – although leaving this seed to germinate with the gnomes on HYS will see it covered in internet cat piss and scraped into a conscientious heap fairly quickly.

I’ll make a start. What’s this? Dare to care and dare to share? No, that’s my stuff, I worked hard for that stuff and you want me to give it away to some scrounger? You a socialist? They’re the only people that share. Are you saying that we should give all our stuff away to scroungers? And what’s this about the world? Are you saying we should let more immigrants in? Scrounging immigrants TAKING MY STUFF? AND MY JOB? BRITAIN’S FULL! FACT! LEFTIST SCUM! BRITISH JOBS FOR BRITISH WORKERS! SHUT DOWN THE BBC! I DARE YOU TO PUBLISH THIS.

Tagnut of the day award on 22nd July went to gabriel100 for his standout performance on the Graun’s Ian Tomlinson article.

I’d like to count the ways gabriel100 makes everyone think he’s a bucket of mung, but it’s much easier to just post a couple of his comments and call him a twat.

Completely the correct decision.

It was wrong of the officer to push him, but really it was his lifestyle which caused his death, not a mere innocuous fall (which even a frail pensioner would have gotten up from).

Tomlison completely brought it upon himself. A group of stressed, frightened and pent-up Police Officers are trying to clear a street. Tomlinson is being needless awkward, taking baby steps, refusing to move along etc. Thus, someone lost his temper and gave him a little shove. Its all there in the video – no more to it than that.

I have zero respect for people who wrongly demonise the Police, and even less for those who like to act up to antagonise the Police, then wail like a pathetic child when they get what is coming to them.

So, the correct decision is not to prosecute and I am equally delighted for the officer as I was for Sgt Delroy Smellie, (another cop whom that digusting rabble of rioters that day had unfairly complained about – they didn’t like him hitting back after he was assaulted, it seems).
gabriel100

They had Tomlinson bang to rights, and no mistake. Not only was he on the chubby side and sold newspapers for a living – common sense tells you that’s a diet of Micro Chips and Fray Bentos – but he was walking away from the police, with his hands in his pockets! That’s antagonising behaviour if you ask me. What else do you call not running for your fucking life when you’ve got a bunch of titheads with the mist bearing down on you? Didn’t Tomlinson know that coppers and dogs work on fear? And Pedigree Chum?

gabriel100, though – this crusty thong string isn’t done. Clearly not satisfied with the general thrust of public opinion in the Guardian – that he’s a twat – he goes on to prove that not only is comment free, but it’s also really shit and depressing.

I notice that the posters who disagreed with my analysis above chose to abuse my character in response, rather than take issue with my version of events (simply a commentry of the Guardian’s own video).

I will take that as a grudging acceptance that I am right on the matter.

Some of the idiocy on this thread beggers belief. Some fool actually criticised the Police for being scared and excitable after a day of being pelted with missiles and chemicals by an army of aggressive scum, who were intent on violence from the word go.

Many other countries would have dealt with that riot by breaking out the tanks and machine guns, and yet the feeble minded contributors here bleat about kettling and a wee push in the back.

Imagine you went down the shops after work today, and someone was in your face, not allowing you to move freely, ignoring requests to let you past etc – what would you do? You might eventually lose your temper and give the person a shove. Its not right, but understandable. And all the more understandable after having fought a medieval type battle against the far left mob polluting the streets and causing violence that day,

The British Police are the best in the world. Go live in Burma or something, see how you like their Police – you would come crawling back singing the praises of our bobbies.
gabriel100

Yeah, if you hate the British police so much, why don’t you fuck off and live somewhere much worse – for example, somewhere where the police might clobber you from behind after they catch you walking down the street the wrong way? And then try living somewhere they lie about what happened until a hedge fund manager with a camera phone shows them up for the cunts they always have been. And then when you’re done living there, why don’t you try living somewhere it’s easier to get to the shops.

Honestly, we used to be a nation of shopkeepers. Now you can’t even get a packet of Rich Tea without being harrassed on the high street by a false analogy.

Wow, and just let me say that I’m glad I got through this without resorting to abusing gabriel100‘s character! It’d be a terrible world where I didn’t spend my time arguing the toss with a half-blind, sociopathic semen stain with the social awareness of a sackful of monkey abortions.

Thanks to Terri.

This is lavolta. We start on Islam and gays and end up with something that looks like the worst coke-addled brainstorming session ever to come out of Channel 4 development.

Considering some agency provide in some country’s “pregnant womb”(means mothers) for homosexuals wishing to have “own children”.
Lets question the class division of exploitation too, brought up by a sometimes wealthy homosexual community who acts as social predatory as the rest of the “we deserve it” social disconnected lifestyle yuppies.
lavolta

Has a good ring to it, although it reads like my notes from that scriptwriting class I took once:

Liberace given robot body by “time travelling” lesbian. Becomes immortal, “impregnates” zombies. Skynet becomes operative slightly earlier. 1967. Late on third Tuesday in August. Teatime? Gives birth to cultural revolution. “Una Stubbs”. Eaten by giant clitoris. Eaten by symbolic cats. Eaten by depleting sense of self worth.

Keith Chegwin??? “It is sickening.” Fade to black. “We shall overcome”.

Back then I failed because I just couldn’t feel the narrative or something. Apparently movies are supposed to have them, unless you’re Michael Bay. Little help, lavolta?

One narcissistic generation brainwashed by the neoliberal doctrine, has lost the good old reflex to question the paradox between total transparency for the sake of enterprise “freedom”and soap mind washing controlling everybody’s “freedom”.
lavolta

Shit. See, this is why I’m still in IT – in the writing game you often end up feeling like a complete Cuger when you come up against a Cocteau of these proportions.

Many thanks to Jo, again, who sent us two pieces of shit for the price of one email.

What do you think when someone’s been sentenced to be stoned to death for adultery? Well, if you’re a suspicious yellow gusset stain like The Original Ray, then you think this:

Adultery SHOULD be punished although that seems pretty harsh.

Look at the mess our society is in. Seventy five percent of families break up because the woman decides she wants a different bloke and, in the West, this is rewarded by the state because she ends up with the home, the kids and a large proportion of the father’s income while the father is left to grin and bear it, or banged up if he doesn’t comply. (Never heard a feminist go on about that little imbalance.) Opposite ends of the spectrum is my point.

If you live under that sort of regime, as this woman does, and you know what you are in for if you cheat on your husband then more fool you. Its not like Sharia has just been invented.
The Original Ray, Liverpool

Yeah, Sharia has been around for ages, so she must have heard of it. Ray has, after all. He even thinks Sharia has some merits. That is, as long as it’s doing awful (and entirely proportionate) things to people who’ve done something similar to the bitch who did something awful to him. They all deserve it. They’re all the same. She knew the risks when she took the job. It’s not misogynism, it’s common sense.

Mind you, Ray, pretty harsh? You need to read the article again, mate – it clearly says that when they do the stoning, women get buried up to their necks so they don’t get whacked in the tits. That seems fair enough to me. If we’re going to implement any kind of punishment for adultery in the UK – only for women who deserve it, of course – then we should be very careful that at no point do women get whacked in the tits. And that’s being nice, what with all the houses and the money they’ve been getting for centuries and shit.

Frankly, Sharia would help deal with that seventy-five percent of broken families thanks to women. Something’s amiss in the West, and it’s nothing to do with the fact that Ray is a miserable, bitter, twisted, flaky old ringpiece. No ma’am sirree. We need positive solutions to the problems that aren’t caused by Ray being a stringy piece of knob cheddar, and Sharia sounds like one – a system where men get everything and women get fuck all, and where men can rely on the fact that they’re men to make up any old shit and get all these fucking cheating women swanning around the place like they’re fucking people or something put to death. As long as they don’t get whacked in the tits. That’s the line.

In fact, I heard that seventy-five percent of women stoned to death deserve it. And I’m honestly not just making this shit up because I hate women.

Charlotte Church, looking all manky. It’s an opportunity to observe some of the formulaic reactions amongst the commenterati of Britain’s most absorbent newspaper.

1) “I don’t care, so much that I’m going to leave a long comment on the article telling everyone exactly why I don’t care.”

So what????? The girl does’nt even look stressed. Will she be the first woman to ever put things in the booth of a car. One must remember in this country the UK women don’t really need men as the government/authoritieshas put in place the housing progam that entitiles women to accommodation flats/houses and benefits so all one needs to do is find a sperm donor. ok? Everyday these women just make more children sometimes not even knowing who the father is but they get more money and bigger houses. Huray, huray, one of the reasons why the youths in this country is lost. No father figure; to much pack food and same sex parenting in lovely 1st world UK.
Belles, London/UK

Next, Belles shows us all how this voting thing is all bollocks by joining the BNP and getting to the polls at 7am. This will be followed by a lesson on how to care for your children while you’re at bingo by leaving them on a high shelf with a box of matches for a rattle. And some bleach in a Teletubbies cup. And arranging for Sidney Cooke to drop in to check on them.

Interesting to note how Belles believes that Charlotte Church amassed her fortune by popping out babies and claiming housing benefit, and is a lesbian. Even more interesting is how the education system doesn’t cop the blame.

2) “Famous people are just the same as everyone else. Especially me.”

Poor charlotte- she aint going to know what has hit her. It is really hard to be left with 2 young kids on your own, I know, cos it happened to me. She will really need the support of her own family and friends, as she struggles to make life seem as normal as possible for the children. But, they, like most kids, wont be fooled and she faces some awful conversations with those kids in the months and years to come, never mind the problems of Parent’s Evening at school, and the endless ddiscussions every Christmas and birthday that the kids have to split between mums family and dads family.. Even when they pass 18, it doesnt really get any easier, cos they still feel that need to please both sides of their divided family, and if either mum or dad eventually re-marry, then that brings problems of its own too. It is just too easy to give up on a relationship, as it is also so easy to bring children into the world. And, too easy to give up on it all. Very sad.
sukey, shropshire

Either the longest example of ironic warblings ever to grace the pages of the Daily Mail, or – and this is what I think is more likely – sukey thinks that Charlotte Church is famous for rooting through the specials bins at Netto and, when she was younger, hanging out by the Spar on the high street asking people to go in and get her a bottle of Diamond White and ten Regal. Not once does she realise that the kids will be able to get all the information they need from the internet, while the only thing sukey‘s kids will be able to get from the internet is a MySpace predator.

3) “My wife left me and won’t let me see the kids.”

The last time they were pictured together a month or so ago he was the one who looked down in the mouth and she was obviously wearing the trousers in the relationship.

The worm seems to have turned and told her to shove her money and her attitude where the sun don’t shine.

She’ll never find a dad for “her” kids as good as their real dad and it looks like she knows it now …… all too late.

We don’t know what we have until we lose it.
John, Stonehaven

It’s funny because it’s bitter and tragic!

4) “I’m a huge, stupid bell-end.”

If these two had brains they would be dangerous.
big phil, london england

Yes, big phil, I imagine if they had brains, they’d be really dangerous. If you added a set of brains to them, they might just have really successful careers in their respective fields, be household names (especially in their own, seven bedroomed mansion households), have multi-million pound fortunes, and have the minutae of their lives dragged through all the really classy newspapers all the fucking time. If only they had brains.