spEak You're bRanes

I think this one is a very, very old one my brother wrote. I forgot to publish it. Oops
– Nelson

Instead of wasting taxpayers money on failed projects that will achieve nothing why not create a forestation program for the Sahara desert. It is a useless piece of territory, hardly inhabited and is increasing southwards at a rapid rate. This would provide a means of maintaining forest area and soak up carbon emmissions. It would also provide a livelihood for many who currently live in the region.
Paul, Sapcote, England

You’ve obviously not thought this one through Paul. Where the hell would all the camels live? Up a tree? Fool.

I actually feel pangs of what could possibly be guilt when we post something by Illustrious Frisby. Compared to most of the hate-filled bilge seeping through the HYS columns, she’s actually a fairly pleasant character. She’s also grade-A bonkers, which I think makes me like her even more. Anyway, guilt is for people with a conscience, so fuck that. When asked what she thought about the government plans to sell off the sickly Royal Mail, she makes sure she covers all her bases. She worked there. So did her son (not at the same time). I think she’s allowed an opinion. But sometimes, one opinion isn’t enough.

I don’t know if it is a good idea because it’s a bit over-my-head this, but I do know that the postmen work very hard. I worked in a sorting office once, over 5-6 Christmases, before I retired and my son worked there too. Not at the same time. I cannot see beyond what the Government are planning but it is very sad that the Royal Mail are not making enough money; sometimes they are darn sight more reliable than computers – if the “network’s down” for instance.
IllustriousFrisby

Two days later, after forgetting where she put her handbag and taking the wrong dog home from the vets, she discovers an interesting debate on HYS. What’s this? They’re going to privatise the Royal mail?

No, I think it’s an awful idea. I’m very against it. And this Government is supposed to be listening to the people. What about when there is nothing left to privatise?
IllustriousFrisby

Don’t worry love, in a couple of days you’ll have forgotten you even worked there. Is that dog still trying to get out the back door? Why doesn’t he come when you call his name?

“Will Obama’s stimulus plan work?”

Should do.
imran j

Sorted.

Pete Tong seems to have invented a whole new category. I’m calling this one the ‘Reverse IYLISMWDYGLT’

This government gets more like the “TALIBAN” everyday, Ban smoking, drinking alcohol, reading lads mags.

If I wanted to live in Afganistan I would emigrate there.
pete tong

‘Lads mags’, harmless photographs of attractive women willing to pose for them and give interviews, are probably read by a maximum of a million men each week. ‘Loose Women’, a TV show that is powered by feminism’s universal hatred of males, gets over two million views daily. Yet the latter will probably be ignored – or, worse, praised – while sanctions are placed on the literary ‘filth’.

I joked about this once during open mic stand-up. How poignant my words seem now.

Political Madness Gone Correct, Brighton, United Kingdom

I looked into this and the show is indeed powered by feminism’s universal hatred of males. Interestingly, the set is also made from the skulls of hundreds of absentee fathers and the cameras are fashioned from the broken corpses of the viewers’ inconsiderate husbands.

All this can be a bit of a downer, so what I like to do is tear out a particularly juicy page from ‘Nuts’ and cut out the faces. Then I stick this to the television screen and pretend that Lynda Bellingham has her baps out.

What’s the point in commenting?

Probability is, you people won’t bother to process the comments.

You accept comments and then bin them on a whim without publishing them.

Such is HYS.

Go to hell.

Colin, London

The trouble, Colin, with writing a post bemoaning the fact that it will never be published is that when you’re right, no one will ever know but when you’re wrong… Well, you just end up looking like a cock.

A very good mate of mine had real problem with his temper (he could start a fight in an empty house) but his doctor recently prescribed him some drugs which have been remarkably successful.

I went out with him and few of the lads at the weekend and, despite drinking Belgian beer all night, he was not involved in one seriously violent altercation, only minor incidents, none of which required the attendance of the Police.
Brian Eggleston, London, United Kingdom

Pooed inna hedge?

This comment was posted on the Sky News site in response to Kay Burley’s mildly controversial interview with Steve Wright’s wife.

While his lack of sex in the bedroom is no excuse whatsoever for killing 5 prostitutes, I cannot help but bring out the fact to be considered here – the high age gap between couples, particularly if the older one happens to be the female. In Steve’s case, his partner is 60years old, 11 years older than him. Can anyone show me a 60 year old pensioner that still wants sex? She will be medically dry. Even my wife at 42 years old do not want sex anymore! So for such a man with such a high sex drive, what chance has he got with a 60year old, who will probably not be sexually active? Hence, I think there needs to be some sort of govt regulations into age gaps in marriages, in other to prevent such incidences occurring where the younger partner, with a higher sex drive will have to resolve to either prostitutes or affairs for sex. That said, lack of sex should not make a man a killer, so if he has indeed killed all those 5 women, keep him in and throw away the keys!!!
Jude Fellows from Chelsea

Very balanced and not at all mental. I’m worried that extrapolating from “doesn’t want to have sex with me” to “doesn’t want to have sex at all” may not be statistically valid. Ideally, you need to ask your missus if there’s anyone she would hump. Try starting with Johnny Depp. Also, I strongly advise that you have a wank. Immediately.

you say advertising does`nt affect people,I seem to remember a little while after the,you`ve been tangoed ads, that hilarious craze of happy slapping appeared,think how much fun we would have missed without it.
alan b, romford, United Kingdom

About 14 years after the Tango ads, actually.

Feedback !

It’s a bloody red dot that only exists as a 1 or a 0.

So you get a red dot.

SO WHAT ???

Sellers – if you sell your stuff and look after your customers you’ll get a green dot. OOOO !

Buyers – if you get your goods then what does it matter if you get a red, green or grey dot – or any dot at all ???

You people really do need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Bob, Nelson

I’m not sure that’s coffee, Bob.