spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Andrew for spotting Captain Perspective here.

Many here claim that gays are born that way! Let’s for a moment accept that. In a few years or many years later the following say that they’re born that way and are God’s children too:

~Murderers, serial killers, mass murderers
~Rapists, serial rapists, gang rapists
~Paedophiles
~Necrophiliacs
~People indulging in bestiality

WHERE DOES humanity draw a line? Or is it just a case of ‘enough’ people of a particular type getting together and demanding acceptance from the majority? Tell me!

[KING-of-the-APES], Rumble in the Jungle

As Andrew says, “Rather beautiful really. Acceptance of homosexuality is a slippery slope to people murdering kids and then knobbing the corpses. While giving a dog a handjob.”

I like to imagine that when KING-of-the-APES board a bus, he grabs the driver by his lapels and shouts “WHERE DOES this bus go? Do you stop when ‘enough’ people of a particular type ring the bell? Tell me!” Because that would just confirm that he’s an orangutan’s oozing uterus.

Thanks to Andy. Something about “Doctor Who”.

The doctor dies and returns as a black, gay, transexual, vertically challanged, doctor who has recently converted to Islam.

Well I’m sure that’s how the pc BBC would really like it.
Politically Incorrect

Soon there’ll be nothing BUT short, black, gay, transexual muslims on our television. You couldn’t make it up! Unless you were a heron’s fishy fanny.

Thanks to the Domino Cat for pointing out Joy Pattinson. I’m imagining her looking a bit like Barbara Cartland: as if someone tried to use a kitchen knife and boot polish to tattoo a pair of spiders onto a 5-year old’s birthday cake.

Why is it so wrong for children to earn money when they used to be up at the crack of dawn in the UK on paper rounds? These days they either don’t want to work or are too scared to go out! I prefer to think kids have a worthwhile task than that they tote guns and knives! What is better? Knowing your kid is earning money or is out somewhere on UK streets? Some always take the negative stance. I am taking the positive one. Let then earn their keep and learn a trade. What’s wrong with that? Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

Did you guess that the thread was about child-labour and sweatshops?

Everybody Unite! That’s what EU means to me and my own intelligence tells me it is not only a ridiculous concept but it is totally unworkable! I love French Cuisine, Italian pasta, British Fish and Chips and Greek kebabs and want to be able to go to those countries to enjoy it along with their particular culture. I HATE the European Union and anything to do with Brussels, not only a very complicated city to drive in, but still using different languages on signposts guaranteed to get you lost.Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

Be fair. Perhaps if you give them a few days notice and let them know exactly how important you are, they’d have changed the road layout and re-painted all their signs for you.

Another MP completely off his rocker! The pubs are packed full, teenagers are drinking and binging - happy or miserable doing it? and if people are really unhappy it is because today they have too much, in fact so much, they don’t have any time to feel happy! In earlier days a bar of chocolate made a kiddie overjoyed. These days they want computers! Dare give a kid a chocolate bar for a birthday and see what unhappiness you cause, We All Have Too Much. Happiness was a puppy, a horse, a kitten..
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

And you’re a manatee’s salty minge.

Thanks to Chloe.

Who cares if clothes are ethically made or not? Who cares if children in India are getting paid pennies for making items sold in the UK? These people know no better and to them it is normality, just as somebody living in London and working in the City 5 days a week for a poultry £30,000 a year would consider such a routine normality or the “real world”.
Who’s to say that such practices are “exploitative”? The BBC denotes this in their report. Its the free market at work and long may it last.
D, London

Thanks to Jim. These are some of the most recommended comments in a thread about the military. Guaranteed to be full of angry pricks who want to drive BIG TANKS.. BRUM BRUM! BOOM!

“Under the plans the number of combat-ready troops would be reduced by 20,000.”

With around 6 million Muslims currently living in France and the number of Muslims in Europe rapidly rising, is this really the time to be cutting back on troop numbers?
Aussie Pride, Cronulla, Australia

You know what you are don’t you? You’re a slutty tiger’s worn-out fanny.

The basic problem with soldiers is that they are a waste of money until you need them, but when you need them…. you really NEED them.
D Dortman

I tried persuading my bank manager to head over to the Middle East and slaughter a few hundred thousand Arabs then bring back their oil. She was having none of it. Sometimes only the army will do.

Update: In case it wasn’t clear, these are from the BBC complaints log.

Thanks once again to the renegade poster. D for damager. Power to the people. Not these people though. These people are a bunch of baggy hippo cunts.

RADIO 2 - CHRIS EVANS
“The show has been promoting European propaganda. The show used the term ‘metres’ in reference to height. This is E.U policy that does not exist within the UK.”

And they’re making garlic dildos and sauerkraut compulsory for pensioners.

A TASTE OF MY LIFE
“The chef on the programme stated that ‘a bog standard sponge would do’. He used the term ‘B.O.G standard’ incorrectly. ‘B.O.G standards’ means British or German standard, this goes back to WWI. Such errors should not be made on BBC programmes.”

Aha. This makes a lot of sense because British and German stuff was pretty much interchangeable at that time.

BBC NEWS CHANNEL
“I feel the BBC logo at the bottom of the screen on this channel could cause ’screen burn’.”

And bedsores.

THE ONE SHOW
“Lloyd Grossman is a terrible guest to have on this programme. I have no interest in watching an item about food at 19:00 in the evening.”

Perhaps you should phone in your schedule in advance then? They’re not fucking psychic you know.

NEWSNIGHT REVIEW
“I think Kirsty Wark should have worn tights and her shoes did not match her dress.”

I think she should wear clown shoes, a wizard’s hat and some of those leather trousers with the arse missing.

I’ve got a raft of entries from this hilarious pig snatch. Although he (male I think) is a racist prick there’s also plenty of tragic comedy to be had in his consistently moronic posts. It all got even funnier when he mentioned that he’s 27 and suddenly my imagination dressed him in a bow-tie and had him listening to the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Here’s a first batch, concerning communism.

The UK should be very cautious of its ties with china until they abandon their archaic hold onto Communism (China, that is! Hard to tell who I mean with Labour in power, I know!) and continue to try and acquire Western military technology/data by surreptitious means.

I also will not listen to one more hypocritical word from this shower of a government with regards to “protecting the environment” and “green taxes” while they continue to encourage manufacturing in China.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

I love the idea of those sneaky Chinese peasants (with their bamboo trousers and hats made of rice) trying to sneakily steal all our brilliant technology and data. Any day now they’ll acquire the recipe for gun powder and THEN WHERE WILL WE BE?

But how slender does your grasp of politics and history have to be in order to think our government is communist? I guess it’s possible that he actually has a really solid grasp but has had his head wedged in some railings since 1993 and gets all his news third hand from his mum. She feeds him mashed up banana with a spoon and then tells him stories about the evil red threat and how it’s safest if he stays here, wedged between the bars with mummy, until Elrond has defeated Gordon Brown.

“Mr Brown should be ashamed that he has allowed his position as PM of this country to be used by a ruthless communist regeime.
Mark, Hednesford“

As I have been saying for many years now, the Labour party are merely Communists in disguise.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

It’s a VERY fucking good disguise.

Is this the beginnings of Cold War 2? Let’s hope so… it’s just the shake-up that Britain needs.

A call to arms will soon sort the wheat from the chaff. Or should I say the willing from the chavs?
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

What sort of hippo’s cock actually thinks a war would be good way to have a “shake-up”? The sort of startlingly misinformed Young Conservative who thinks the Cold War was actually a war, that’s who. We should round up all these sabre rattling idiots, give them guns and put them on opposite sides of a big field and shout “Go!”. Part of me hopes that they’d kill each other but it seems more likely that they’d hide in a ditch and wet themselves instead (to be fair, this is by far the sanest response and I suspect a great deal of army training is based around overcoming this instinct).

I’ve got loads more from him. Most of these prats post 10 boring racist rants for every comedy gem but this cunt is accidentally hilarious almost every time.

What tests should immigrants face?

Question 1: Are you a Muslim?
If yes to Q1 then finish questionnaire, you are rejected, return to the Middle East, do not pass go!
Stuart Booth, Northampton, United Kingdom

I hope you grow a dog’s cunt where your eye should be.

Is the new car-share lane a good thing?

Update: I changed this one slightly because somebody wanted me to and I do everything I’m told.

It costs me Over £100 in road tax every year, it also costs me nearly £1000 in fuel tax per year (estimated). If I wanted to drive into London, which I don’t, there would be another £20 charge each day, there is VAT on the cost of buying the vehicle, and on services and MOT;s. I must have insurance, but the government tax that as well. So tell me now, as I pay all of this money to obtain the freedom to drive, why should I have that freedom reduced in any way?
Stuart Booth, Northampton, United Kingdom

Yeah! You used to be able to park for free all round town. Now you have to pay! You used to be able to drink a stimulating G&T while you were driving but then the “PC Brigade” stopped that. You used to be able to enslave black people and make them pick your cotton but now you have to STOP AT ZEBRA CROSSINGS FOR THEM!

Why should you have your freedoms reduced when you are, quite obviously, more important than other people??

Maybe it’s because you’re a poorly sheep’s cunt.

An old one from Nerys. Nearly didn’t manage to post this today because DreamHost have been utterly shite and this site’s been down (along with thousands of others). Slug slots.

Its about time all free handouts were discontinued. We have streets covered in chewing gum, municipal gardens unkept and we have a social system that gives alcoholics £20 extra per day for booze, persistant gamblers up to £60 per day to feed slot machines. What incentive is that to go out and find work. Disability claiments should have to collect their benefit from a shelf above their heads. If they can reach it they are fit enough to fill supermarket shelves which they should be by next week.
Mike Easy, Norwich

I heard that knives gangs get up to £400 an hour to sharpen their knives!!!! It’s political correctness gone mad!!!??! Having said this, I am a little worried that this is all completely made up and that I’m such a gibbering puffin’s twat that I’ll believe anything as long as it broadly corresponds with my shrill hatred of everything that doesn’t make me richer, warmer or fatter.