spEak You're bRanes

We have Justin to thank for FirstAdvisor. Thanks Justin.

Justin says that “Pretty much anything FirstAdvisor has to say” marks him out for being a grade A tagnut. Actually, I added the tagnut bit, but you can have a go at completing Justin’s sentence for him as well. Pretty much anything derogatory toward FirstAdvisor is going to be right. Favourites around here right now are “anal polyp”, “rotting elephant period” and “just some kind of cunt.”

I probably shouldn’t say cunt. After all, there’s enough undereducated, idiotic misogyny worthy of a 1950s sitcom going around without me contributing to it. Isn’t there.

The whole idea of females working outside the typical occupations of teaching, nursing, agriculture, clerking, retail, and so on is wildly impractical and unrealistic. The percentage of exceptional females in a field of typical males just isn’t high enough to make any significant influence in any national economy. The major importance of females is as consumers, mindlessly keeping the economy rolling along by buying worthless garbage like makeup and 10 pairs of shoes.
FirstAdvisor

So we take some exceptional females – albeit a massively high percentage of them – put them in a field with some typical males and then the economy grows? I’m confused. Why are they in a field? I know people are trying to ‘grow’ the economy, but I don’t think they mean it in the agricultural sense. Besides, how is exceptional females standing around in a field supposed to help? Is it the agricultural skills? Does it keep them away from shoes and makeup? Is that the plan? We’re going to take exceptional females and surround them with men in a field so they stop thiking about shoes and makeup and concentrate on agricultural skills? But don’t shoes and makeup grow the economy? Oh, wait, no. We put the exceptional ones in a field with some men, plough some shit up, earn some money that way, and then the typical females stand in a street with exceptional males and Bob’s your uncle, something wonderful happens, like they use the money from the exceptional females working in the field to buy shoes while the exceptional males stand around with clipboards and do some research proving that once and for all, you’re some kind of cunt.

Sorry, I think I called him a cunt again. Whoops. I meant, of course, some kind of cunt.

Libyan mothers crying? Only for the cameras. Muslims are incapable of human feelings (being zombie-creatures, human corpses animated by demons from Hell), neither for their little terrorist-larvae nor anything else. It is your humanity which is suspect, since you seem to believe Muslims share it. Are you going to call me a Kraut now, bigot?Your comments are very dull and boring. Nearly everyone on the forum is far smarter and more educated than you are. You write like a 70-year-old farmer.As I have already explained, if you had the IQ to understand the concept, no American is going to tell the truth to a stranger over the phone who knows their full family name and home address, when the American is asked his opinion of Jews. Anyone with an IQ of 70, the legal retardate level, would know this without being told, because he would be born and raised in the US, surrounded by Jews all his life. The American would know to keep his mouth shut about what he honestly thought, and just tell the pollster whatever the pollster wanted to hear. The Gallup poll is pure propaganda, worse than worthless as factual evidence, and everyone in the world knows it. Except you, apparently, because of your low IQ. It’s not surprising that you don’t even know what the word ‘bigot’ means, or that you are one.
FirstAdvisor

You couldn’t make it up. Well, you could, but people would point at you and say things like “You’re making it up!” and wouldn’t ever believe that Rudolf Hoess survived a hanging.

I don’t think we need men with clipboards to conclude this research successfully.

From Laura, Ken and Kelly: How common are fox attacks on humans?

Right here in Woodford there are foxes who come into open kitchen doors and steal runners [trainers] shoos etc .They are as bold as brass, and very cheeky, the problem is people feed them and they come around looking for scraps. Wolves might get rid of them, but they may be a step too far.
Mr C Quinn, Ilford London England

Thanks to Ashley.

Stephen wrote:
PR = Party Rigging
PR = Pointless Rambling
PR = Politically Revolting
PR = People Revolted
PR = Partial Revelation
PR = Presidential Rule
PR = Person Redundant
PR = Pontential Revolt

Ashley adds:

Possum’s Receptacle.

On ultra-eccentric Haredi Jews’ guidelines for kosher music.

It’s good to know that fundamentalist rock-and-roll alarmism isn’t just an American phenomenon.

Justin Anthony Knapp, Indianapolis, USA

Admit it though Justin. It’s still not as surprising as when you found out about there being other countries.

Once upon a time, there was a group of people determined to control what the people could or could not read, watch and hear. Anything that did not fit with their view of ‘decent’, ‘upstanding’ and ‘respectable’, was banned, leading to large-scale book-burnings. That group of people later went on to ban and burn more than books. “Where they burn books, they will ultimately also burn people.” – Heinrich Heine

Jamie Jones, Linz, Austria

Ooooooh I know this one. Is it the Khmer Rouge?

Incidentally I rang Heinrich Heine up and asked him to write a humorous poem about you. Unfortunately he couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “verdepperte Geißfut”.

Thanks to Gareth for pointing us to this Times piece about dangerous dogs…

i have to agree it is not the dog its the owner that causes the problem i own 6 chow chows and have had no problems. thay have put prople out of the house that TRYED to come in unannouced.but this is what happens when you take the ablity of a person to defend there homes and persons.if you are going to take the rights of people to have guns and knifes then thay will turn to something to defend there homes and familys this is HUMAN NATURE and this is what people around the world will have to deal with.we cant put police on every coner to keep us as safe as we would like to be.we must take serton ricks to live in citys and towns.and there will alway be those who want to take what we have.and we must take the responiblity to defend that whitch we hold dear. the police and goverment cant alway be there to do the job for us.and if we dont take the responsabity then we have to accept that ower property will be stolen.and i do have an issue that the writer of the articl didnt state what sorces he used to support his numbers and asretions
william taylor

Since posting this comment, rigorous academic william taylor has hit upon the perfect anti-theft solution: he stripped naked, smeared himself with Vaseline and set fire to everything he owned. Then he wept and died.

mike lewis takes a tougher view…

If we culled the owners, the Dogs would’nt be a problem.
mike lewis

That evergreen classic, summary executions. And it’s a good point. See, you might not know this, but when dog-owners die, their pets just vanish into the ether. The universe simply cannot support dogs without owners. It’s like one of them paradoxes or some shit, so they get erased from reality altogether. It’s an immutable law of scientism. No more dangerous dog-owners, no more dangerous dogs.

Dogs don’t bite people.
Its people with dogs that bite people ????
Peter White

As Gareth says: “I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick there, Peter”.

That Konnie Huq, what an ungrateful bitch. After all we’ve done for her – letting her stay in the country she was born in, allowing her to show her not-white face on television and letting her earn a degree from Cambridge at the Taxpayer’s expense what does she turn around and say?

What do you avoid on holiday?
English pubs or restaurants that serve British food, and rowdy British holidaymakers.

Treacherous Konnie Huq, far away from my respect

For poor Anthony Richardson, as spotted by Mike, it’s all just too much.

I’m not sure why you ask talentless bimbo’s anything about their holiday experiences.This vacuous article diplays her obvious displeasure about meeting her fellow UK passport carrying brothers and sisters whilst abroad.

If she’s so ashamed then perhaps she should relocate to a hot country in the middle east where her freedom to express her snobbish and irrelevant views would be stamped upon rather quickly. I’m thinking of somewhere like Pakistan.

Please, please select some people whose opinion on their choice of holiday is balanced and respected in future. Pretty little airheads that get jobs because of their looks are to be avoided…..please.

Anthony Richardson

I agree, Anthony. When you find out she has actual opinions, it really does kill the fantasy you’ve been wanking over ever since you saw her dunked in a bath of custard for Children in Need. At least it does if you’re the spunk-soaked slag-sock of a shitbrained salamander.

Thanks to Andrew for spotting Captain Perspective here.

Many here claim that gays are born that way! Let’s for a moment accept that. In a few years or many years later the following say that they’re born that way and are God’s children too:

~Murderers, serial killers, mass murderers
~Rapists, serial rapists, gang rapists
~Paedophiles
~Necrophiliacs
~People indulging in bestiality

WHERE DOES humanity draw a line? Or is it just a case of ‘enough’ people of a particular type getting together and demanding acceptance from the majority? Tell me!

[KING-of-the-APES], Rumble in the Jungle

As Andrew says, “Rather beautiful really. Acceptance of homosexuality is a slippery slope to people murdering kids and then knobbing the corpses. While giving a dog a handjob.”

I like to imagine that when KING-of-the-APES board a bus, he grabs the driver by his lapels and shouts “WHERE DOES this bus go? Do you stop when ‘enough’ people of a particular type ring the bell? Tell me!” Because that would just confirm that he’s an orangutan’s oozing uterus.

Thanks to Andy. Something about “Doctor Who”.

The doctor dies and returns as a black, gay, transexual, vertically challanged, doctor who has recently converted to Islam.

Well I’m sure that’s how the pc BBC would really like it.
Politically Incorrect

Soon there’ll be nothing BUT short, black, gay, transexual muslims on our television. You couldn’t make it up! Unless you were a heron’s fishy fanny.

Thanks to the Domino Cat for pointing out Joy Pattinson. I’m imagining her looking a bit like Barbara Cartland: as if someone tried to use a kitchen knife and boot polish to tattoo a pair of spiders onto a 5-year old’s birthday cake.

Why is it so wrong for children to earn money when they used to be up at the crack of dawn in the UK on paper rounds? These days they either don’t want to work or are too scared to go out! I prefer to think kids have a worthwhile task than that they tote guns and knives! What is better? Knowing your kid is earning money or is out somewhere on UK streets? Some always take the negative stance. I am taking the positive one. Let then earn their keep and learn a trade. What’s wrong with that? Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

Did you guess that the thread was about child-labour and sweatshops?

Everybody Unite! That’s what EU means to me and my own intelligence tells me it is not only a ridiculous concept but it is totally unworkable! I love French Cuisine, Italian pasta, British Fish and Chips and Greek kebabs and want to be able to go to those countries to enjoy it along with their particular culture. I HATE the European Union and anything to do with Brussels, not only a very complicated city to drive in, but still using different languages on signposts guaranteed to get you lost.Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

Be fair. Perhaps if you give them a few days notice and let them know exactly how important you are, they’d have changed the road layout and re-painted all their signs for you.

Another MP completely off his rocker! The pubs are packed full, teenagers are drinking and binging – happy or miserable doing it? and if people are really unhappy it is because today they have too much, in fact so much, they don’t have any time to feel happy! In earlier days a bar of chocolate made a kiddie overjoyed. These days they want computers! Dare give a kid a chocolate bar for a birthday and see what unhappiness you cause, We All Have Too Much. Happiness was a puppy, a horse, a kitten..
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

And you’re a manatee’s salty minge.

Thanks to Chloe.

Who cares if clothes are ethically made or not? Who cares if children in India are getting paid pennies for making items sold in the UK? These people know no better and to them it is normality, just as somebody living in London and working in the City 5 days a week for a poultry £30,000 a year would consider such a routine normality or the “real world”.
Who’s to say that such practices are “exploitative”? The BBC denotes this in their report. Its the free market at work and long may it last.
D, London