spEak You’re bRanes

Shockingly, a court has ruled that soldiers are humans.

why dont we just bring all the troops home, and keep out of all conflicts.seems now people can join the forces so long as they dont get hurt.I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life,and I am ex RN.Soon they wont be able to shoot anybody as it will be against the enemies human rights
trev devenish, grantham

Who on earth would want to live in a world like that? This human rights legislation certainly has a lot to answer for.

Thanks to Nathan. On pirates:

meet them with overwhelming force.thats the only thing they will understand invade somalia,turn the pirate bases to lava after giving a warning to the people to leave

donald bastle, grand rapids

Call me a hand-wringing liberal, but I’m still concerned about the effect of lava on members of the civilian population who may be unable to flee, not to mention the indigenous flora and fauna. It would also damage the local economy irreparably, most likely pushing more people into piracy as it becomes their only escape from poverty. Perhaps we should just use ice magic to freeze the pirates and then levitate the civilians to safety.

Found this on the Telegraph website. Do you ever fantasise about power? Do you ever picture yourself as a God, life and death at your fingertips, as you pour boiling water on an anthill and then sprinkle a bounty of sugar for the lucky survivors? Do you imagine puny little beings cowering before your brutal justice, but not ants this time, not ants but human beings screaming with terrified awe? And then do you ever think that’s not nearly enough?

debunker
At the end of WW2 the A bomb was dropped on two japanese cities to avoid a land invasion that could have taken ww2 another 5 years or more and killed millions of soldiers in the process. It worked, and we never heard a peep out of the japanese ever again.

If ever there was a place in the world that deserved the same treatment it’s the middle east.

This got me thinking about what other regions of the world deserve what. I mean, who could argue that Latin America really deserved the strife, the death squads, the coups, the kidnappings and the union busting? On the other hand, Eastern Europe surely deserves a medal for the past sixty years. Should East Anglia get a bonus this quarter? What are we going to do about Belgium? And of course there’s – wait, just a second – HEY YOU! YES YOU! HORN OF AFRICA! Listen to me young lady, if you think you’re going out dressed like that. Jesus woman. Look at the state of you, your ass all hanging out. Put some clothes on it if you respect yourself! No I’m not joking. Look at my face, do I look like I’m joking? And you won’t get any pudding, Bavaria, unless you eat your vegetables.

Thanks to “skunkpussy”. Our old friend Joy Pattinson is still tapping away gamely at her keyboard. I’m starting to hear her posts in the voice of Ann Widdecombe.

It’s about the pirates again.

The simplest method would be to use helicopter gunships! Scare them out of the waters and with night vision attached, it should be an easy task to trace them and attack if they ignore warnings. No time should be wasted as lives are being lost of people innocently sailing. Sending warships is ridiculous as they take far too long to reach the vicinity and surprise is of the essence here.
Joy Pattinson, Switzerland

I was going to point out that posting your plan on the internet ruins the element of surprise. Then I thought about it a bit harder and realised that, if the Chief Army Generals start paying attention to the hatstand witterings of bints on the internet, the Somali pirates, along with everyone else in the world, are going to be extremely fucking surprised.

What can we do about Somali pirates? Remember that, due to a prolonged civil war, Somalia’s national government is essentially non-existent in any practical sense. So it can hardly say it’s too busy to tackle piracy, and is therefore actively supporting piracy by passively standing around being nothing. We clearly need to pull out the BIG guns, find LONG term solutions and take a HARD line on this, but, impotent in the face of political correctness, the spineless BBC is only letting through limp do-gooders’ suggestions to go soft on Somalians.

Hanging pirates and leaving their bodies on display in various seaway points seemed to do the trick last time we had this issue.

Tony Sweeting, Leicester, United Kingdom

DOES ANYONE HAVE A LARGER PENIS THAN TONY SWEETING?

Simple, draw a “line” in the sea and inform Somalia that ANY boat from there that crosses the line, will automatically be sunk.

Yes, this will be hard on the poor unfortunate fisherman, people of Somalia, etc. They have my full sympathy.

But we do not tolerate other states (e.g. North Korea) sponsoring terrorism or committing criminal behavior and we enforce actions/sanctions there without concern for the citizens, why should we do different for Somalia.

Michael Begley, Stockholm

Compromise might yield some short-term results Michael, but in the long term appeasement only makes us look weak.

Close their home ports. All of them. Then sink all of their vessels at sea or not.

Lou, Baltimore

Pussy.

So they’ve captured an American ship and a British ship?

Here is an idea, lets deploy a regiment of heavily armed SAS Troopers, a few dozen Royal Marine Commandos, a handful of Navy Seals and lets say an aircraft carrier, 3 dozen harriers and a nuclear submarine or two to the area.

Then, if they hijack our ships we should kill the lot of them and then pursue a policy of nuclear disarmament – by getting rid of our trident missiles by firing them at the pirate’s Somalian home ports.

Mark Randall, His own little world, United Kingdom

I know you mean well, but you can’t just mollycoddle pirates.

You’ve heard of NATO and you probably remember that “so ronely” chap from Team America so I reckon you’re about ready to launch your diplomatic career.

Now then, here’s an easy one to start off with. “What response to North Korea?”

The world reaction to North Korea’s provocation will be to do what it always does when tyrants provoke: speak loudly and carry a small stick.
Gary, Japan

You hear that Mr Obama? You can keep shouting all you like but nobody’s going to listen while you insist on carrying a ridiculously tiny stick. You look like Harry fucking Potter, waving that thing around.

GET A BIGGER STICK.

Japan, the US, South Korea and other concerned nations in the area should, of course, carefully watch any such launch and be prepared to deal with any erratic behavior–but they should be quiet about it. North Korea likes to seek attention, like a spoiled brat. It’s best to just ignore their proclamations and attention-seeking behavior. In other words, carry a big stick, but speak softly and close your ears. Constantly responding in angry tones to each NK action is counter-productive.
Derek Kelly, Aberdeen, United States

Now we’re getting somewhere. Soft-spoken but with a massive stick. I’m thinking maybe Yoda? He’s got a linguistic advantage too, as he speaks a bit foreign.

We have been too softly softly. now it’s time to use a big stick as these fools are just pushing the line too far …

The only way to win is to make them crumble from inside ….
[POLARIS69], Kent, United Kingdom

You’d need exactly the right kind of stick to make them crumble from the inside. So, while your idea is very good, to be honest you’re just restating the central question: “Which stick?”.

From military point of view “nuclear N Korea” is a fiddlestick – [... goes on for some time ...]
Anton Cheglov, Auckland, New Zealand

That’s the WRONG KIND OF STICK. Idiot.

hmmm.. carrots or sticks. North Koren’s want more carrots, yet use the biggest sticks in their arsenal in an atempt to get their
way.

Obama needs to tell KJ where to he can stick those carrots.
Tim Proctor

What do you mean “carrots or sticks”?? It’s fucking sticks alright???

You dick.

Jesus.

This reminds me of when adult smokers tell kids not to smoke. N. Korea’s being an immature punk, saying (with their action) “we’ll do what we wanna do”. The reality is, they shouldn’t have to explain, sure they can get away with it. But what do they actually have to say about it? Communications? We should send them a bag of balloons with a card that says “here, blow these up.” If they laugh at the joke, the courier gets to slap them in the face. This hand could be ugly, I say test them back.
Charles, Jersey City, NJ

Perhaps you’re right. We were getting a bit too obsessed with the sticks. We should send Inspector Clouseau to deliver a bomb disguised as a cake.

Thanks to Madhura.

“Did you switch off your lights?” (for “Earth Hour”).

You ever noticed that the people who want us to make-do-and-mend, put a brick in the toilet cistern, and save electricity are the same generation who grew up with rationing etc?
My theory is that they hit middle age, started pining for the “Good Old Days” of their youth, and became determined to make the rest of us share the experience, whether we want to or not!
the_historian, Stirling, UK

Well, my historian friend, you’re probably a little too young to remember when Claudius invaded but people pining for the “Good Old Days” of Roman occupation was actually one of the primary causes of WWII. And if you think the WWII lot are bad now they’ve reached middle-age, just wait until that “free love and flower power” bunch hit forty in 2025.

Madhura found this next one in “Has Obama got his Afghan strategy right?“. I’m a little worried that we, as a nation, allow minds this bright to be wasted on “Have Your Say”. I just hope that the Top General From The Army is reading this!

It works best if you imagine it as a voiceover at the start of an episode, doing the “Previously in Afghanistan…” summary.

Obama is worried that the ppl of SWAT valley support the taliban and the pak govt suports limited autonomy of taliban. outwardly zardari hates the taliban to please USA but inwardly he tolerates them. this is a dangerous game. The taliban are unworried by this, if they are killed in any mumber they are martyrs. US/UK troops describe taliban soldiers as not afraid of DEATH at all. So unless pakistan is ocupied fully or partially by USA Obama will not succeed.
ALLAM, Luton

And for a fun challenge, see how many times you have to read it before you can keep a straight face through the bit that goes “this is a dangerous game”.

Thanks to Tom.

From reading “Have Your Say” is it evident to me that most people in the world hate the US and all we stand for. Therefore, I say we withdraw our military forces from all overseas bases and deployed areas. Futhermore, we withdraw from the UN, especially all financial aid. But, our limp president is all talk. He is more concerned about wasting honest workers tax dollars than doing what is best for the people, land, and nation.
Old Soldier, TC USA

You can’t just withdraw ALL military forces overnight and expect the rest of the world to cope, you selfish shithead. Perhaps you could burn a few of their kids and leave behind some mines and unexploded cluster bombs to help them slowly aclimatise?

Thanks to Kate for the posts and Steve for teh lulz.

Marvelous. Now Al Quaeda can sit on a mountaintop with a laptop and plan their raids instead of having to scout the area and run the risk of discovery. Thanks Google, and thanks to all the naive people who believed government’s claim that more surveillance cameras would make them safer.
Scott W, Port Orchard, USA

If only the rest of you sheeple were a bit more like Scott. Instead of just believing everything you read in the papers, why not THINK about shit a bit harder. Then we could cut through the lies and fear-mongering to see the truth underneath: That evil Al Qaeda terrorists with glowing red eyes are sat up a mountain RIGHT NOW, using Google to find and destroy Batman’s secret lair.

Does this mean that ‘anyone’ can effectively stake out my house or the houses on a street? So, for example, if this works in anything like ‘realtime’, a criminal could ‘watch’ my house from his PC (as opposed to lurking about suspiciously), work out my usual routine and then plan his business accordingly. I can think of a lot of other reasons why this and Google Earth could be a very handy tool for certain unsavoury members of society!
Johnny PH, Leeds

I started off feeling a little bit sorry for Johnny and thought perhaps it was too easy to mock someone who doesn’t understand modern technology. Then I realised we’re not talking about someone who doesn’t understand the difference between a router and a hub, or someone who can’t distinguish between emails and webpages. This is someone who not only believes that Google has invented magic, invisible techno-eyes but also imagines that, faced with the chance to virtually visit anywhere in the world, people have decided they’d rather watch some cunt from Leeds going about his “routine”.

There is no privacy any more anywhere!!!

CC cameras are all over London thanks to IRA terrorists activities.

Spy satellites are preening every inch of earth’s surface & keeping an eye on each of us.

Immigration cameras are trying to look deep inside the human soul through pupil of the human eye.

Even US senator’s hand invades the privacy of the other person in an airport bathroom.

Now Google’s invisible eyes are looking in our bedrooms.

Here goes the privacy in the toilet.
Shahid Shahid, Chicago, United States

I heard Google Maps lets you look right inside children.

The Have Your Sayers are really on form today. With their sophisticated, rapier wit, they’ve managed to come up with a play on words so cerebral that only the actual group being discussed (”Plane Stupid”) got there first.

These idiots (and with such an appropriate name!) should count themselves lucky that armed police didn’t think they were dealing with terrorists and shoot the lot of them. They also need to learn that air travel is less damaging to the environment than the vehicles they used to get to the airport. Official and independent figures show that the so-called eco-friendly Toyota Prius has a CO2 figure per passenger kilometre around 60% higher than the new Airbus A380. Go figure…
Keith, London

It’s a good thing environmentalists never cycle or take public transport, or you’d look a bit of a bell-end. And what’s all this about an appropriate name? I’m confused.

Plane Stupid should be named Plain Stupid. A load of no-hopers trying to make a name for themselves by taking action only they themselves can attempt to justify. Lock them up for breaking the law, and fine each and everyone of them to regain the costs of the police and time lost to travellers. I imagine most of them own cars, and use them. Nobodys who have nothing better to do, they should be ashamed of themselves. Pity they don’t have jobs to do.
Mark Go, Portsmouth, United Kingdom

You can imagine, yes. Well done. Do you practice? Do you stand in front of a mirror for an hour each morning, picturing Neil from ‘The Young Ones’, multiplying him by 57 and trying to work out how he could be the cause of all your rage? I still don’t understand why we should rename them by the way.

“Plane Stupid” – I think they are PLAIN STUPID as it appears do many commentors on HYS. Do they alienate the public? Of course they do. Do the flying public appreciate their actions? No.

I t seems to me that they have failed their parents rather than the other way around. The Authorities should get out the water cannons and give them a good dousing.

Why is it these young adults, barely out of childhood think they have all the answers? Lock them up over the holidays.
Jean Dyson, Clearwater Florida, United State

Haha! I get it! It makes sense if you spell it out in block capitals. They’re called “Plane Stupid”, a pun on the phrase “plain stupid”, and, the name “Plane Stupid”, well, it sounds a lot like “plain stupid”. And that’s exactly what they are, “plane” (as in “plain”) STUPID! Hahaha! But don’t worry, they’ll grow out of this nonsense when they get to Big School, and then they’ll respect their parents, obey The Authorities and share your views on everything.