spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Jim. These are some of the most recommended comments in a thread about the military. Guaranteed to be full of angry pricks who want to drive BIG TANKS.. BRUM BRUM! BOOM!

“Under the plans the number of combat-ready troops would be reduced by 20,000.”

With around 6 million Muslims currently living in France and the number of Muslims in Europe rapidly rising, is this really the time to be cutting back on troop numbers?
Aussie Pride, Cronulla, Australia

You know what you are don’t you? You’re a slutty tiger’s worn-out fanny.

The basic problem with soldiers is that they are a waste of money until you need them, but when you need them…. you really NEED them.
D Dortman

I tried persuading my bank manager to head over to the Middle East and slaughter a few hundred thousand Arabs then bring back their oil. She was having none of it. Sometimes only the army will do.

“Should Harry be allowed on the front line again?”

My nephews are both out fighting like warriors because of their love of this country, in spite of their TERRIBLE treatment by Gordon Browns and his mob.

What’s good enough for my family is good enough for Harry. He’s a warrior from a family of warriors who have fought and led in some of the fiercest and best wars history has to offer. The boy has some guts.

Here’s hoping army discipline will curb his wayward behaviour.
Derek Bells, London, United Kingdom

It’s hard to curb the wayward behaviour of such a warrior though. He’s got generations of it in his blood. You start curbing and next thing you know he’s shot you up with a laser-guided royal spacegun and vanished into the jungle (like a panther).

By the way, I’m pretty sure you meant to put WARRIORS in caps there Derek. You’re slacking off. DISCUSTING.

It is DISCUSTING that Gordon Browns and his weak government are using the child of Princess Diana to garner support for their phoney ‘war’ on Iraq.

Princess Diana would spin in her grave if she knew that her son was being used like this, after all she hated landmines and wars.

Perhaps Gordon Browns and his cronies should be sent to war to see how much they like it. Of course, that would never happen because they are GREEDY AND NOT PATRIOTIC.
Derek Bells, London, United Kingdom

I’m not sure Diana hated ALL landmines and wars. Just the namby-pamby, crap wars. She was well up for the fiercest and best wars.

Thanks to several anonymous donors, I present further gems from the complaints log.

DAILY POLITICS
General
“I feel the programme provides information for the Taliban. A discussion programme lets the Taliban know what is going on from our point of view. I am all for free speech but not during a war.”

GENERAL TV
General
“I feel that the BBC should make a programme about electromagnetic weapons.”

I’ve got a raft of entries from this hilarious pig snatch. Although he (male I think) is a racist prick there’s also plenty of tragic comedy to be had in his consistently moronic posts. It all got even funnier when he mentioned that he’s 27 and suddenly my imagination dressed him in a bow-tie and had him listening to the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Here’s a first batch, concerning communism.

The UK should be very cautious of its ties with china until they abandon their archaic hold onto Communism (China, that is! Hard to tell who I mean with Labour in power, I know!) and continue to try and acquire Western military technology/data by surreptitious means.

I also will not listen to one more hypocritical word from this shower of a government with regards to “protecting the environment” and “green taxes” while they continue to encourage manufacturing in China.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

I love the idea of those sneaky Chinese peasants (with their bamboo trousers and hats made of rice) trying to sneakily steal all our brilliant technology and data. Any day now they’ll acquire the recipe for gun powder and THEN WHERE WILL WE BE?

But how slender does your grasp of politics and history have to be in order to think our government is communist? I guess it’s possible that he actually has a really solid grasp but has had his head wedged in some railings since 1993 and gets all his news third hand from his mum. She feeds him mashed up banana with a spoon and then tells him stories about the evil red threat and how it’s safest if he stays here, wedged between the bars with mummy, until Elrond has defeated Gordon Brown.

“Mr Brown should be ashamed that he has allowed his position as PM of this country to be used by a ruthless communist regeime.
Mark, Hednesford“

As I have been saying for many years now, the Labour party are merely Communists in disguise.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

It’s a VERY fucking good disguise.

Is this the beginnings of Cold War 2? Let’s hope so… it’s just the shake-up that Britain needs.

A call to arms will soon sort the wheat from the chaff. Or should I say the willing from the chavs?
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

What sort of hippo’s cock actually thinks a war would be good way to have a “shake-up”? The sort of startlingly misinformed Young Conservative who thinks the Cold War was actually a war, that’s who. We should round up all these sabre rattling idiots, give them guns and put them on opposite sides of a big field and shout “Go!”. Part of me hopes that they’d kill each other but it seems more likely that they’d hide in a ditch and wet themselves instead (to be fair, this is by far the sanest response and I suspect a great deal of army training is based around overcoming this instinct).

I’ve got loads more from him. Most of these prats post 10 boring racist rants for every comedy gem but this cunt is accidentally hilarious almost every time.

Thanks to Jenni. Has Bush’s State of the Union address reassured the US public?

We won’t know if the “surge” worked until the extra troops withdraw. A golden rule of guerilla warfare is that you pull back when the enemy advances and return when he leaves.
Paul Thompson, Reading, Airstrip One

You should go and advise the inept Iraqi resistance. So far they’ve been “exploding” when the enemy advances and “exploding less often” when he leaves.

If the shoe were on the other foot and the Jews were cornered in the Gaza strip lauching Rockets at the Muslims.

The Muslims would band togeather and drive the Israelis into the sea with no regard to men, woman, children, or the rules of war and you could bet they’d pay little attention to international pressure either.

I think the time is right for Israel to attack the Gaza Palestinians full scale until they agree to live in peace.
Ronald Dubbs, Florida, United States

No, Ron. You should be anally raped (full scale) until you agree to stop having an anus.

Thanks to Gideon for this one from “Is war being glamorised to promote recruitment in the armed forces?”. Three people recommended it.

It his gloriouse to fight for ones country . What does the JRCT think his glamorus winnig who wants to Joseph or what ever its called [ bbc] these peopl are left wing loonies . REMEMBER it was men like these oure [troops] who broght freebom and hope to the world.
ps. why is the bbc only publishing left wing comments.
Darren Jones, Barry Wales UK

It’s because the BBC is run by commies, obviously.

I’ve been to Barry once. A truly horrible place. It was summed up nicely when we saw a mad drunk woman get run over (on purpose) by a bloke who reversed into her because she had attacked his car with her handbag. We’d spent a little while watching the events unfold and, by the time he reversed into her, we had run out of sympathy for the awful squawking harpy. We pretty much agreed that a good running-over was richly deserved. However, it looked like she had injured her ankle and, as she lay in the gutter swearing and crying, we went over to help. I asked her if she needed any help or for us to call an ambulance and she looked up at me through her streaking mascara and screamed “FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING QUEER”.

Turns out that Iran doesn’t have a nuclear weapons programme after all. If you thought this was about to lead to some sane discussion about the real reasons behind the sabre rattling (Iran’s decision to start selling oil in euros and how it might affect the American dollar, perhaps) think again.

The HYS on this subject seems to feature a reassuring portion of sane comments (presumably because it’s made the ohmygod-iran-is-going-to-kill-us-all lobby look rather daft and so they’re keeping a low profile) but there’s still a hardcore of spectacularly misinformed simpletons who see this exposure of US lies about the “threat” from Iran as… er… proof of the terrifying threat posed by Iran.

Check out these credulous fools.

Well, just they got it wrong on Iraq (by over-estimating the level of threat), they may be getting it wrong this time on Iran (by under-estimating it).
Deniz, Paris

If US intelligence is as accurate on this as it was on WMD then we should expect to see Israel “wiped off the map” sometime in the near future.

It really is a criminal mistake to trust any leader who has threatened to wipe a country off the map. We must learn the lessons of history, and of appeasement.

Don’t Trust The Intelligence

Are you bummer tied to a tree?

Someone find me something funny from that thread before I fling myself out of a window.

Should Nato members send more troops to Afghanistan?

If it’s to crush the terrorist then yes but any other mission would prove futile!!

Ed Brown, Watford

I have a picture of you writing this on your todo list. You’re using a blue crayon and wearing a frown of concentration. Your tongue is sticking out as you write “Crush… ” (you swap to red crayon) “… terrorists”.

We need to get these ideas to the people in charge. I’ll write them a letter, just in case they don’t read HYS.

Dear Generals of Army,

Nelson

This one was very popular. Thanks to Matt and Liam for both submtting it.

The belief among some people that democracy can be the solution for Pakistan is naive.

The sad truth is that Pakistan is incapable of democratic government.

The real question is whether Pakistan is going to be governed by the military or by extremist Muslim Clerics.

Take your pick - but if the military have the sense & courage to build a secular nation as Kemal Attaturk did in Turkey, it would be by far the better choice.
Herbert Thornton, Canada

Darkies eh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t prop up their corrupt governments and keep them in poverty whilst generally bombing the fuck out of them whenever you feel like it. Whaddayagonnado?