spEak You’re bRanes

Is China softening on internet access?

If the BBC cannot even grant “freedom” (you have your own monitoring and screening process here) in this tiny forum, there is absolutely no reason to criticise the Chinese governemnt of blocking those websites, which apparently break the ‘house rules’.

David, London

I’ve had a play with google.cn, and it won’t let you search for “Enoch was right”, “Bring back the birch” or “End gay immigration now”.

Who cares what China does? Maybe the Chinese, but I and the vast majority of the British public are not Chinese. So, let them do what they like.

There are far more pressing issues to look at here at home, rather then something half-way around the world.

Toby Johnson, Hastings, United Kingdom

I bought a newspaper the other day. Would you believe it covered stories outside my postcode?

Thanks to Ben. I like this one. After fabricating this exciting story (or perhaps hearing it 5th hand via a chain of drunken, credulous simpletons), “skinnymuppet” obviously decided that it sounded fucking daft. He/she came up with a clever solution to this problem and has turned it from potted arse-beef into thoughtful debate, simply by adding “Consider this” on the front. Works a treat. You’d never guess it was going to be a load of insane nobgrease.

Consider this: Do 35 in 30 limit, punishment: £60 and 3 points. Now, the following is true: Fail to stop for Police, travel at 70 in a 30 whilst being chased, reverse into a Police car writing it off, drive through a park, seriously injure insecure passenger in rear of pursued van due to manner of driving, fight with Police when finally stopped. Punishment? £40 more than doing 35 in a 30. Still need to ask the question? Criminals laugh at the rest of us because there is no deterent
[skinnymuppet], United Kingdom

I saw a bloke doing ALL that and uploading the footage to YouTube WHILST RAPING A HORSE and he got GIVEN a £50 WHSmiths voucher and a hotdog and a large fries and a family-size drink and £50,000 and a fancy hat AND had a ride in a policecar AND he was allowed to wear the policeman’s hat ALL DAY. Meanwhile, the rest of us live in fear of the Zimbabwe Knives Mafia or maybe rocket-propelled paedos. Or muslim homo-speed-cameras. Or something. Anyway, I’m not sure what’s going on but I do know I’m fucking terrified. Or maybe just angry. Or confused. Mark my words.

The BBC asks, “Should we waste less food?” Now I would have said “Well, of course, what a stupid question”. But it looks like most of HYS are jamming their pie and mash down the sink tonight in protest against the nanny state.

I pay for my own food and if I want to waste it it has nothing to do with Gordon Brown.
robert ronson

I heard Gordon also advised us all, in line with E.U. directives and with the approval of the Muslim Council of Great Britain, not to jump under buses. Off you go then.

Conservatively there are 30m households in the UK. This multiplied by £400 = £12,000,000,000

Tesco takes roughly 30% of food sales in the UK. 30% of the above is £3,600,000,000 i.e. what Tesco stand to lose if every household eliminated all waste.

This level borders on impossible but even 50% which is perhaps believable equates to £1,800,000,000 less profit to Tesco each year.

Now what do you think Tesco might do when it’s revenues suddenly drop in this way… put prices up perhaps??
Simon Pittock, Ely, United Kingdom

Yeah, but you’d save a bit on bin-bags.

Thanks to Harold. From “What are your experiences of road rage?”

I believe that in towns with socialist councils, the traffic lights are timed to cause maximum possible disruption to car drivers, especially at peak times. Traffic lights cause a lot of congestion in Blackburn, for example. Some of the light on main roads are on red for 4-5 minutes followed by 10-20 seconds on green….
[SaxonHero], Lancashire, England (not UK)

It’s not just socialist councils. Militant groups (including the dreaded PC Brigade) are meeting in secret locations and conspiring to alter the lights in even the most Conservative towns! As Karl Marx himself once said: “Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without adjusting the duty cycle of traffic lights”.

Thanks to Andy.

Unfortunately our children do not go out on their own anymore. There are a number of pedos in the area that we have been unable to find any details on. Maybe these pedos were introduced to scare us mothers into looking after our kids better.
Densie Satchell, Stevenage

I know exactly how you feel. There are a number of enchanted ducks and fire-breathing cod around here (living off discarded wine gums) but, when I looked on the google internets AND wrote to Esther Rantzen, I found NO DETAILS ABOUT THEM WHATSOEVER. Every time I see a duck (or cod), I have to run around a church widdershins to stop him pulling me down to hell by my winky.

If you love your children at all, you’ll sedate them heavily and keep them in a safety-dungeon.

Oh, and make sure your safety-dungeon has a panic-room, just in case you turn paedo yourself and your kids need to get away from you. TRUST NO-ONE.

I don’t know if anyone here’s a fan of the ‘Biased-BBC‘ blog, but I like to think of them as a specialist version of the HYS poster, only a little more sophisticated, a little more eloquent, a little more enraged and right-wing, and of course a shitload more credulous and paranoid. Anyway, they’ve published their own letter to the editor, by ANDREW MCCANN.

FOR THE ATTENTION OF THE BBC COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT

Has the American presidential election already reached its conclusion? I have to ask since the evaporation of coverage on the BBC news since the confirmation of Barack Obama as Democrat nominee has been noted by many. The British Broadcasting Corporation was quite happy to flood news bulletins with ‘Presidential’ campaign happenings during the ‘beauty’ contest between Clinton and Obama. However, now that the BBC might just have to turn its attention to a more balanced coverage of the campaign by including Republican candidate, John McCain (remember him?), it suddenly has lost all interest.

Oh, what a beauty contest the Democrat race proved to be: both candidates filled every ‘tick-box’ on the social profiling sheet of the average Guardianista. One was a woman; the other was black. ‘Whoopee’ cried the anti-Israeli, anti-American, tree hugging news teams at the BBC. What did it matter that a potential leader of the free world should have more suitably meritocratic attributes such as intelligence, political nous, first-hand experience of America’s military engagements, an appreciation of realpolitik, and integrity? The sum total of the BBC’s analysis was preoccupied with the gender of one and the ethnicity of the other. As for the Grand Old Party, they might as well have shuffled off stage-left. The BBC, like the other Left-leaning, liberal ‘luvvies’ which dominate the European media scene, want a Democrat in the White House. Why don’t you just be honest and admit it?

I like the way “every tick box” comes to two. Whatever happened to one-legged Muslim lesbians? And look at the end: the more enraged he gets, the more he alliterates.

I am a BBC licence payer (for my sins). I want to see a Republican returned to power in the United States. I certainly do not want to see someone whose paternal ancestry shares the same religion as the evil-doers who killed 3,000 people in New York City seven years ago: a man who is prepared to ‘combat’ the rise of evil terrorist Islamism by sitting down and having cosy little chats with some of its principal protagonists. When are my preferences going to be incorporated in the so-called impartial coverage your organisation is (dubiously) renowned for?

You missed a trick Andrew: not only does Obama’s paternal ancestry share the same religion as the evil-doers who killed 3,000 people in New York City seven years ago, but his surname is only one letter away from ‘Osama’ and his middle name is only one ‘Saddam’ away from SADDAM HUSSEIN! If you don’t put the effort in, they won’t give a shit for your “preferences”.

If and, as I expect, when John McCain is voted the 44th President of the United States will we be offered the sort of ethno-centric spite-laden coverage I expect? The sort which will feebly attempt to portray the American electorate as bunch of subliminal Alabamaesque red-necks who couldn’t bring themselves to vote for poor old Barack because he was black? I am prepared to bet money on it. For in the final analysis it is those of the Left who lionise on the basis of sociological labels, and it is those of us on the Right who prefer to view people on their genuine merits.

Yours truly

ANDREW MCCANN

I’m with you there. I respect people according to their actions. As long as they’re not female, black, muslim, poor, disabled, Iranian, Chinese, Korean, Iraqi, Palestinian, Syrian, French (um.. someone check that for me, are the French ok again now that Sarkozy’s up for killing some Iranians?), Lebanese, atheist or, God forbid, left-leaning liberal ‘luvvies’.

How can we solve world hunger?

I’m a little unclear as to whether “angry man” wants wars and plagues or not.

I don’t understand why OPEC wasn’t invited as food production is going to suffer greatly given our future need for bio-fuels.

What the world really needs is a war or a plague. Lets hope that’s not what they are discussing and agreeing to at this summit?
angry man

I love the idea that we’re all going to be driving around in our vegetable-oil powered cars, desperately hunting for vegetables to eat. Sadly, it’s just about ludicrous enough to come true.

Banky Moon is an idiot. World population should DECREASE 50% by 2013.
Bob Hart, Perth SCOTLAND

I hope you’re going to do your little bit to help.

Sounds like the perfect excuse to drop ANOTHER tax on us….
Laird Kyle of Minogue, Minogue, United Kingdom

Did you say TAX!?!!! I knew this was another hoax, just like global warming or the NHS.

The ‘food crisis’ is a manufactured manipulation, along with fuel, oil, housing. I have proof.
james, sussex

You realise that “they” will be after you now? You’d best bury your shoebox full of proof in the garden and pray that nobody ever finds it.

Thanks to Trish. Will 42 days detention help in terror investigations?

The destructive animals who perpetrate this heanous crime, should be allowed no privilages, no sympathy from mis-guided statesmen, and no mercy.

Any foreign creature involved in the plotted deaths of Westerners ought to be put out of their own misery, humanely, and not fawned over by stupid and naive politicians.
English Braveheart, ENGLAND

Yeah. Best keep it humane.

You’re asking if Mohamed Al Fayed has made the right decision? Then the answer is YES and NO!

YES because he as well as the rest of the world knows that despite the royals being behing their deaths, (which I also believe is the truth), nothing can be done despite his efforts for trying really very hard to get to the truth.

NO because he is not getting any justice for what has happened. All these years he’s spent on the case for what? Nothing?! Rediculous if you ask me.

Money is power

Shivjit Singh Sandhu, Surrey, BC, Canada

Twas ever thus Shivjit. Fear not though, the revolution is coming. How many more times can we, the people, stand by and see a poor, mad, underdog humiliated and then left, destitute, with nothing to comfort him but billions of pounds?

Thanks to Catherine.

Yes, Princess Diana was unlawfully killed - but by whom? I don’t believe Diana died accidentally. I believe it was murder and always will. This unlawful killing verdict is just the start. By whom was she murdered? And who was the real target? Why had the limousine’s ABS been tampered with when the car was stolen?. Why was the Princess taken to the derelict SalPetriere in the 17th Arrondisement instead of 3 nearer hospitals?. The jury did well: their verdict is just the start of things to come!
FRANCES SMITH, LONDON

Soon the world will know the truth: that Diana was killed by secret hit-monks hired by Dan Brown and PepsiCo to retrieve the San Graal containing the secret cola recipe that she stole whilst working undercover for a mysterious woman known only as “Minty Titwrangler”. I expect Nancy Drew is on their trail even now.