spEak You’re bRanes

How can we solve world hunger?

I’m a little unclear as to whether “angry man” wants wars and plagues or not.

I don’t understand why OPEC wasn’t invited as food production is going to suffer greatly given our future need for bio-fuels.

What the world really needs is a war or a plague. Lets hope that’s not what they are discussing and agreeing to at this summit?
angry man

I love the idea that we’re all going to be driving around in our vegetable-oil powered cars, desperately hunting for vegetables to eat. Sadly, it’s just about ludicrous enough to come true.

Banky Moon is an idiot. World population should DECREASE 50% by 2013.
Bob Hart, Perth SCOTLAND

I hope you’re going to do your little bit to help.

Sounds like the perfect excuse to drop ANOTHER tax on us….
Laird Kyle of Minogue, Minogue, United Kingdom

Did you say TAX!?!!! I knew this was another hoax, just like global warming or the NHS.

The ‘food crisis’ is a manufactured manipulation, along with fuel, oil, housing. I have proof.
james, sussex

You realise that “they” will be after you now? You’d best bury your shoebox full of proof in the garden and pray that nobody ever finds it.

Thanks to Trish. Will 42 days detention help in terror investigations?

The destructive animals who perpetrate this heanous crime, should be allowed no privilages, no sympathy from mis-guided statesmen, and no mercy.

Any foreign creature involved in the plotted deaths of Westerners ought to be put out of their own misery, humanely, and not fawned over by stupid and naive politicians.
English Braveheart, ENGLAND

Yeah. Best keep it humane.

You’re asking if Mohamed Al Fayed has made the right decision? Then the answer is YES and NO!

YES because he as well as the rest of the world knows that despite the royals being behing their deaths, (which I also believe is the truth), nothing can be done despite his efforts for trying really very hard to get to the truth.

NO because he is not getting any justice for what has happened. All these years he’s spent on the case for what? Nothing?! Rediculous if you ask me.

Money is power

Shivjit Singh Sandhu, Surrey, BC, Canada

Twas ever thus Shivjit. Fear not though, the revolution is coming. How many more times can we, the people, stand by and see a poor, mad, underdog humiliated and then left, destitute, with nothing to comfort him but billions of pounds?

Thanks to Catherine.

Yes, Princess Diana was unlawfully killed - but by whom? I don’t believe Diana died accidentally. I believe it was murder and always will. This unlawful killing verdict is just the start. By whom was she murdered? And who was the real target? Why had the limousine’s ABS been tampered with when the car was stolen?. Why was the Princess taken to the derelict SalPetriere in the 17th Arrondisement instead of 3 nearer hospitals?. The jury did well: their verdict is just the start of things to come!
FRANCES SMITH, LONDON

Soon the world will know the truth: that Diana was killed by secret hit-monks hired by Dan Brown and PepsiCo to retrieve the San Graal containing the secret cola recipe that she stole whilst working undercover for a mysterious woman known only as “Minty Titwrangler”. I expect Nancy Drew is on their trail even now.

An old one from Nerys. Nearly didn’t manage to post this today because DreamHost have been utterly shite and this site’s been down (along with thousands of others). Slug slots.

Its about time all free handouts were discontinued. We have streets covered in chewing gum, municipal gardens unkept and we have a social system that gives alcoholics £20 extra per day for booze, persistant gamblers up to £60 per day to feed slot machines. What incentive is that to go out and find work. Disability claiments should have to collect their benefit from a shelf above their heads. If they can reach it they are fit enough to fill supermarket shelves which they should be by next week.
Mike Easy, Norwich

I heard that knives gangs get up to £400 an hour to sharpen their knives!!!! It’s political correctness gone mad!!!??! Having said this, I am a little worried that this is all completely made up and that I’m such a gibbering puffin’s twat that I’ll believe anything as long as it broadly corresponds with my shrill hatred of everything that doesn’t make me richer, warmer or fatter.

Will culture lessons be good for schools?

This is merely throwing pearls before swine.

It is aimed at the poorest kids, but these tend not to appreciate “culture” as the parents need to be interested as well, think of Billy Elliott.

I can just see a poor boy coming home and explaining to his chav macho dad, with gold chains, ear studs, bald head, tattood all over, American pit bull on his lap with studded collar, that he just loves opera and ballet and wants to be a male ballet dancer and could he buy him ballet tights and shoes.
Totally Disgruntled, Wokingham

I tried to think of “Billy Elliot” but then I got confused and wasn’t sure if I was thinking of “Brassed Off”, “Bend It Like Beckham” or some other clockwork tale of “heartwarming” batshit in the face of adversity.

Anyway, everybody’s different and things might not go as you expect. Perhaps they’d discover a massive emerald hidden inside a statue but then the baddies would catch them and it’d get eaten by a crocodile but then he’d kill the crocodile and make it into shoes and buy a yacht (think of “Romancing the Stone”). Maybe his father would employ a lot of Jews and help them escape the gas chamber (think of “Schindler’s List”). Maybe his father would turn out to have an alien incubating in his chest (think of “Alien”). Or maybe the son would make it as a ballet dancer and, later, his father would go to see him star in “Swan Lake” (think of that “Billy Elliot” film you seem to believe is actually real life and still managed to miss the point, predictable and glaring to someone who’s never even seen the fucking thing, that everything works out just swell in the end). Dullard.

Thanks to Henry for these from some old debate about religion (he sent them over two months ago, I’m slack). They’re all by someone called “Penny” who feels compelled to respond to everything. There were loads more. I picked a few.

“Richard, most christians I meet here in Houston know precious little about their religion.”

Again, being on the outside and trying to look inside always reveals ones blind spots does it not ?
Penny, USA

Indeed. Getting a sense of perspective and considering things from other viewpoints is a well known pastime of the incurious and deluded.

What annoys me most is the indoctrination of children into religion. If your faith is so strong, let them grow up and decide for themselves. Seems to me that any intelligent, benevolent God, wouldn’t object to that, would it?
[BloodBubble]

And so, you would prefer that they be indoctrinated into your religion instead ?
Penny, USA

Penny can’t imagine someone without a religion. This helps her avoid blind spots.

Did God invent man or did man invent God? - BBC
Neither ! God created man from nothing. Invent implies you have material to start with. Man cannot invent something that already is and God is Spirit. OTOH, man can worship false gods and God calls it idolatry. To say science explains the world better than religion is a form of false worship. Religion can also be atheism. The Bible explains man to those who seek God and supernaturally reveals God.
Penny, USA

I asked God and he said that, not only is it ok to be atheist but that he thinks you’re an idiot. Really. He said “Frankly I’d be happier if Penny went Hindu or something. Dizzy bint”. Then he showed me his new car stereo. Man it was serious. We listened to “T-Connection”. Disco.

This is Communism folks…

Despite all the lies and the spin about Labour being indistinguishable from the Conservatives, they’re all still Little Red Book carriers at heart.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

I read this a few times and have come to the conclusion that this woman (?), in her searing, solipsistic stupidity, believes that “Labour being indistuingishable from the Conservatives” is some sort of promotional campaign designed to make the Labour party look better.

Thanks to Jenni. Has Bush’s State of the Union address reassured the US public?

We won’t know if the “surge” worked until the extra troops withdraw. A golden rule of guerilla warfare is that you pull back when the enemy advances and return when he leaves.
Paul Thompson, Reading, Airstrip One

You should go and advise the inept Iraqi resistance. So far they’ve been “exploding” when the enemy advances and “exploding less often” when he leaves.

McDonalds is one of three companies that have won the right to offer academic qualifications. Is the McDiploma a good idea? *

What a load of rubbish about brain washing children with advertising, its the parents who do that by not caring about their children as well as schools for lack of P E. you can have food but u got to get exercise as well not just sit in front of a tv or computer.
McDonalds training is already regarded as the best in the world and already give diplomas for managent courses so i think its a good ide sure loads of others will jump on the band wagon, tescos etc
right going for a jog!!
Ryan Kelly, Edinburgh