We should have hung them when they were ten. Killing children is wrong and should be punished by death.

Pritesh Hathalia, Leicester

Ideally the hangman should be eight years old so we can go after him next.

1 The Rapiscan is not an x-ray machine it uses “T” rays
2 No one scientifically or Medically qualified has done a study as to the effect of “T” rays on living human tissue.
3 Should I be refused permission to board my flight I will immediately strip totally naked in the security queue and show the staff and everyone that I am clean and have no impediments to boarding.
4) Having been seen naked and proved my innocence beyond doubt I will sue Manchester Airport and the British government for millions for denying me my absolute right to travel under admiralty law the highest law on the planet..

john marsh

Funnily enough I know John Marsh. I was behind him in the queue at Tesco the other day. Turns out, there’s been no study by anyone scientifically or Medically qualified on the effect of typing in your pin number to the little credit card machine. I won’t go into the details of what happened next, but suffice to say John is about to become a very rich man and it will be a while before I can bring myself to eat sausages again.

Saw an email joke recently, but it made sense. rather than scanning, have each individual traveler step into a giant bomb detonation device. If they don’t blow up, they can properly board. If they do blow up, hey, happy virgin time and we are safe

Richard king

Jesus, Richard, don’t tell us you got a joke that made sense and then keep it from us. You could have used the space where you had your exploding muslim fantasy wank to tell it.

And thanks to Louis for spotting this slightly disappointed pervert:

“but they also afford clear outlines of passengers’ genitals.” What genitals? Some women have breasts, big deal; the rest is on the inside. It’s like looking out the window: there’s nothing to see.

Phil E. Drifter

Phil, take a deep breath. Now look up and look for a green sign saying “EXIT.” Once you go through that door, you will no longer be in a modern art exhibit consisting of mannequins and empty window frames, and the world will make a lot more sense.

Thanks to Jo, who spotted these quotes at the time.

Good. It’s about time this Nazi behaviour induced by propaganda, lies, behavioural manipulation, poisoning and psychology…. was confronted head on and stopped now before this Government, and the one above it, lead the Lemmings over the Cliff… for a laugh! Wake Up! You are Programmed!

Rob O’Loughlin, Presteigne UK

And the only way to break that programming is to push innocent women onto live railway tracks. Damn that sinister illuminati for not wanting us to attempt murder on anyone who asks us to do things we don’t like. Don’t they know that Hitler lived by exactly the same principles?

I hope the two men never get caught, She is trying to help police society be enforcing fascist rules. The European Charter on Human Rights gives us the right to freedom of expression which smoke falls under. First the government deny us our rights with their tyrannical laws and now the people are trying to enforce them.

James Cochran, Bradford, England

It’s all about the Human Rights here. Infringe someone’s made-up right to smoke, and you’re subject to their equally made-up right to try and kill you. Similarly if an immigrant tries to deny you the freedom of expression to beat him with a stick, you can make up the right to beat him with a stick.

It’s like my grandma always said, “there’s a fine line between righteousness and self-righteousness.” Being a vigilante can lead to unpleasantness, so be sure you’re big enough to take the weight if you decide to go that way.

Azhid Madrors, California

Has anyone else seen the latest issue of Batman? It’s brilliant, first of all he uses his batarang to climb up to the 37th floor of an apartment building. Then he sneaks into the elevator shaft and waits until he hears someone flip open a zippo. Then he uses his bat-polite-voice to point out that the person’s in a shared lobby and there are no-smoking signs up. Of course, Batman was trained in tibetan martial arts so he can take that kind of risk. If you’re a woman you should probably just cower in a corner.

I can believe that people cannot see the effect that nonsensical rules and busybodies are having on the UK.
The argument started because of someone trying to enforce something that is clearly nonsensical and was allowed in this country for more than 178 years.

Farningham road station is not Oxford Circus, its in the middle of nowhere,
The risk to the railway system from someone smoking on an open platform in the middle of nowhere is zero. The platforms are made of non combustible materials and new trains manufactured to BS6853 are also impossible to burn with a cigarette.

If the smoking is offending someone they can move.

I am a non-smoker and I don´t condone what these guys have done, but there does need to be some defiance of the governments stupid rules by somebody.

Fred, Singapore

Bang on Fred. If you don’t like governments passing silly laws on what habits you can express in public, you can go somewhere nice and permissive like Singapore. Well I can’t because I work for Wrigley’s, but in principle, y’know?

At last they have made a stand. I haven’t been to Tesco for over 5 years. The last time I went I found it noisy, garish and overlit to the point that it gave me a headache. The last straw came when I found two women arguing, using the “f” word and the “c” word in front of their children, never mind the other customers. As I believe in, and practise, good manners to all, I decamped and went to Waitrose. I always leave Waitrose with a smile on my face and a feeling of wellbeing.
[joy557], devizes, United Kingdom

And fair play to [joy557] for cutting straight through to the shrivelled heart of the matter. This isn’t about pyjamas. It’s not about propriety or decorum or the arbitrary designation of items of clothing as nightwear, not be worn outdoors.

Let’s be honest: nothing could be less conducive to the consumerist experience than the sight of the poor, scattered about the place like human litter, swearing in broad accents. They’ve already got Lidl, Aldi, Poundland and Bargain Booze. Why do they have to invade our shops as well?

Thank God, then, for Waitrose, where the shoppers are appropriately dressed, verbal communication is stilted and unexpressive, and the air is suffused with nitrous oxide.

That’s Waitrose.

I fully support Tesco’s action. It is high time that all people learned to have and show respect for others and this is just one way to do it. This attitude should prevail in schools, workplaces, actually everywhere and maybe we would then see less ASBOs and cruelty.
Dani Bertschy, Poole, United Kingdom

Yeah, that ought to do it. The crime rate would plummet if everyone took the time to put on a pair of chinos and a smart jacket. I mean, when’s the last time someone well-dressed turned out to be a lying, corrupt, selfish, racist, warmongering, mass-murdering, money-grubbing, right honourable, power-crazed fuck?

I used to live in the Dunfermline area and had cause to speak to the management of Asda.
It was a warm summers day and a man came into the store to buy items for a barbeque, he was only wearing a pair of shorts, no shoes, no top. He was a very hairy and heavy chap and was leaning over open produce counters, I found this to be completely inappropriate. I am not a prude in any sense of the word but his state of undress was suitable for the back garden or the beach NOT A FOOD HALL
Anne-Marie, Stirling

I looked up “prude” in a few online dictionaries for you and found definitions as diverse as:

• a person excessively concerned about propriety and decorum
• a person who is easily shocked by rude things, especially those of a sexual type
• someone who is overly concerned with modest or proper conduct, speech, dress, or the like

… are you absolutely, completely, 100% positive you didn’t mean “prune”?

Some say the world is warming, some say the world is cooling. Does it really matter?

Betrand Russell

It does to me. I need to know whether to ask for flip-flops for Christmas or save up to buy a duffel coat this summer.

I am interesed in global warming and science fiction, which are linked, so I have given myself a series of names as a tribute to my heroes. Does this make me, what the kids nowadays call ‘a geek?’

Betrand Russell

I must confess, I’m not down with the lingo. Is ‘geek’ like ‘credulous self-aggrandising gobshite who skim-read one book, agreed with a bit of it and decided he wanted to ride around the thickest regions of internet on the coat-tails of the great philosophers’? If it is, you’re pulling off that “geek-chic” thing fabulously.

Hasn’t history told us again and again that religious intolerance never works?!

Cindy Chaplin, Coggeshall

I agree. I’m off to build a Catholic cathedral in Karachi. I am sure they will be very tolerant there.

Betrand Russell

Good point. Off you go. But I warn you, the local Archbishop don’t like no competition, so don’t come crying to me when the St Patrick’s mob kneecap you and take your grey lego bricks.

Do you know how many refugees the UK accepted last year?

It was 697.

Is all this HYS anger and paranoia really justified?

Col, uk

Why is it that they all appear to be living in my street? Why do people believe the figures of this government?

Betrand Russell

It’s an optical illusion Bettie. The same Somali passes you on the street and says ‘good morning’ several times a week, but it looks like lots because it happens at different times in different places and he’s wearing different clothes.

Anyway, on the basis of this last comment, I think I’ve managed to diagnose Betrand Russell. You see, he’s naturally sceptical of any kind of authority. Facts, statistics, massive buildings right there in front of you, however incontrovertible they may seem, if the pro-government, BBC-run forces of Scientific Consensus want you to believe it, it follows ergo QED that the opposite must be true. Like, for example, the Hollywood Establishment will tell you it was “just an actor”, that they used “special effects” and that he might recently have “died” of “cancer”, but do they really think you’re too stupid to see through that?

Patrick Swayze will live forever as his character in ‘Ghost.’

Betrand Russell

Unless they shoot him for his views on Anthropogenic Global Warming, that is.

In places like Croydon, where I live, the chances are that one’s neighbours speak a different language, and all of their friends will be from “their” community, not mine, a member of the indigenous English, who apparently HAVE no “community” in this city.

Croy boy, Croydon, United Kingdom

I have it on good authority that there is a thriving whites-exclusive community in Croydon. They just haven’t told you because even racists find you self-righteous, whiny and tedious.

No, I’ve made no effort to get to know my neighbours in the 6 years I’ve lived where I am now. And why should I? I don’t actually have anything in common with them other than a postcode.

Ryan B, Glasgow

You should try and befriend them. Seriously. However bad it seems at the time, I can guarantee it will hurt them far more than it hurts you.

We live in an age of Neighbours from hell. Quite apart from the young, people are, on the whole, wrapped up in their miserable little worlds, listening to iPods or chatting inanely on their mobile phones. There are no basic manners eg acknowledging one another’s presence by a simple greeting, let alone build a sense of Community.

ian cheese, london, United Kingdom

I know what you mean about neighbours from hell. Mine are just as bad. Every time I look in through their window – which is several times a day I should add – there they are, yakking away, to each other or on some kind of phone, watching TV or listening to music on headphones or through speakers. Does no-one make time for the internet in this sad day and age?

Maybe a lot of us can’t speak our neighbours language to get to know them?.

Wobblybob, Hull

From what I gather on HYS, learning a foreign language to near-native standard is piss-easy if you’re foreign and it’s English. So maybe “a lot of us” should get off his fat white arse and learn it then. Failing that, you could always resort to sign language. First point your thumb backwards at yourself, then, your fingers held flat at right-angles to your palms, stretch your arms out to the side completely, next point at your backside, and finally make a little ‘o’ sign with finger and thumb. Do that, or alternatively just show them your face, and they’ll get the message.

All these malingerers should not get anything! When i have a coffee in the morning at the coffee shop before WORK, there are those on benifit, sitting there having their second, third cup free (take note Starbucks). Then i see them going to the local Sally army or soup kitchen for their free lunch( take note charities) after lunch they sit in weatherspoons drinking. I slept rough for a week for charity, I do know what i am talking about. It really was an eye opener!! see part two..
Cuger Brant
Bruce Grant

Imagine having a job where, when the feckless and workshy are on their second or third coffee of the day, you still haven’t started work. Imagine getting to spend all day trudging round after the unemployed or spying on them through the window. It must be great being a tortured genius.

There is scum and there is SCUM. To my mind when I see dossers collecting dole and doing what I have just previously described they are SCUM. If a blind person, a disabled person has the honour, the integrity to find and get work, why do not these fit, able bodied layabouts? Why give them any dole money? Why are they allowed to milk the system?

Oh yes, just to show i’m not too impartial, stop immigration as well! We are full up!!

Cuger Brant
Bruce Grant

Not sure what to make of the last sentence. Is Bruce Grant presenting himself as the maverick rebel, fighting the far-left forces of political impartiality? Or is he trying to tell us that, hey, he’s not just a nosey hypocrite, there’s more to him that that. He’s also an incoherent racist. Give him credit.

And then there’s this.

You are lucky in that you can leave the UK and escape the opressive tyranny that is the EU. The rest of us are stuck here. Believe me, your ‘get ouf jail free’ card is well worth it. If it was up to me, I would out of here before it is too late. The comparisons with the Soviet Union are very real. Keep your eyes and ears open and be ready to move.
Anthony Farrar

I love these ones. Anthony is a short step away from turning into my absolute favourite kind of long-suffering, middle class twat by proclaiming that he’s “ready to fight”. The only thing these fat-fingered gits are likely to end up fighting over is a fucking parking space.

The burka and burkini have very little to do with religion or custom, and everything to do with a form of self inflicted apartheid, and a rejection of the culture and customs of the host nation. I have at times witnessed more women wearing burkas in Wathamstow Market, in East London, than would normally be seen in Lahore. I am unaware of the plural for several burka wearers, but a murder of crows always comes to mind.
Toboo

This is a nice example of why you get a better class of cunt on the Telegraph. Background facts: the plural of burkha wearer is in fact ‘burkha wearers’, and collective nouns are a long, pointless list of words you’ll never actually use in a sentence and the most smug, tedious and unfunny substitute for wit and eloquence the English language has to offer. By the way, did you know that the collective noun for people who comment on news sites is a “shitting bumwank” as in “Have you seen the massive shitting bumwank of racists on the Telegraph site today?”.

I saw a woman at my gym in California come into the pool area wearing one of these recently. YOu should have seen the looks she was getting.

I hate to say it, but these people are manifesting themselves en mass even out here in California now. I thought and hoped that I’dleft it all far behind in London, but no. It’s like a disease.

20 years ago, you couldn’t buy a curry in San Francisco, now there’s a pakistani place on most streets. They don’t waste time. Nightmare.
debunker

You couldn’t buy ipods 20 years ago either. Or Casablanca Special Edition DVD Boxed Sets. In fact, the more things I think of, the more scared I get. You might just have to emigrate again. In fact, if I were you, I’d move to Antarctica, cut yourself off from the world and internet and just sit, surrounded by leg-warmers, rubix cubes and Cindi Lauper tapes, pretending Charles and Di are still married.

debunker – you are so right. I was in JC Penney in Long Beach a couple of years ago, and found some muzzie bint praying to Mecca in the Men’s Levis section. I was so enraged I told her to get herself out in the parking lot if she was going to behave like some alien, and stop offending my Christian (ha-ha) principles. She gathered the hem of her sack and beat it.

They must be stopped.
45govt

You’ve done something very stupid here, 45govt. You see, if you actually type “ha-ha”, even in brackets, people will get the impression you’re joking and don’t really have Christian principles. Then we’ll naturally assume you’re only pretending to be religious as a pretext to bully brown people. Which we all know is true, but the point of pretexts is you have to keep them secret. The best thing to do is probably to spend ten minutes every morning standing in front of the mirror saying “It’s not about race, it’s about defending our culture from a backward, medieval religion”. If you can do that ten times in a row without winking, laughing sarcastically or shouting “NOT!” at the end, the BNP might finally accept your membership.