Cease sex education immediately. What a lot of absolute tosh! In this world full of left wing do-gooder, liberal pansies, what do we need this nonsense for. We never had such a waste of time when we were at school, 50 or so years ago, and we found out what to do, as did the early cave men! We will be telling them how to use toilet paper next! Teenagers deserve what they get, as they have no moral scruples whatsoever, following in the footsteps of their parents. Don’t treat them on the NHS, but let them pay privately for their disease. Why should precious resources be diverted from real, and genuine sickness, to deal with the likes of some teenagers who, with their “sex education”, should know better!
grumpovian

Has grumpovian misunderstood the point of sex education, mistaking it for a simple how-to guide for youths so far out of touch with their essential natures in a digital age that they require step-by-step instructions in order to perform the most basic biological functions? Or is the raw, bleeding truth that he/she/it (I’m going to go with ‘it’) knows full well what sex education is, and simply wishes AIDS on the young?

If I wasn’t in a generous mood (and, as luck would have it, I’m not), I’d say the latter.

Then I get up and take a look at HYS (currently asking: would you step in to help a child?) and BAM! Top two comments, pair of cunts.

You only need to read the ‘Sarahs law’ HYS to see why people are fearful!

I found a 4 year old wandering the streets near my old flat with no shoes on, in mid winter with snow on the ground. I had to stand on the pavement waiting for 20 minutes for the police to show up because I was so terrified of the implications of taking a half dressed kid inside to warm up. The kid nearly froze as a result.
Peter_Sym

No, I wouldn’t help. And yes I am concerned they would be abusive.

The problem nowadays, is that an adult is considered a threat to a child despite the adults good intentions.

Personally, I’d walk away, and if the child was hurt or abducted, then sorry, but not my fault. Blame the parents, government, society as a whole.
martin622

So the first two people we encounter on this thread are: a man who’s such a coward that he’d have watched a toddler freeze to death before risking any course of action with ‘implications’; and a complete monster who wouldn’t lose any sleep if he abandoned a child to some horrific fate, purely to make a point.

Extrapolate this result across the rest of our species. I feel vindicated. Equilibrium is restored.

RECENTLY, we commemorated the 70th anniversary of the Dunkirk evacuation.

For many veterans, the memories of the carnage have been difficult ones. A number of veterans said that, had the invasion not been repelled, Great Britain would be speaking German today.

No disrespect to our war dead, but I am now finding it increasingly difficult to understand the many foreign languages now spoken in Derby.

Dennis Monk

I bet not many of them are German though, are they? I love how these idiots always imagine the worst thing about living under the iron grip of National Socialism would have been having to do a relatively easy language in school. Yeah, so a few people get enslaved, tortured and gassed but I have to spend an hour or two a day clearing my throat. Who’s the real victim?

Plus think how many other ways we’re disrespecting the war dead. They gave their lives for our freedom not to be a racist batty-crease, but Dennis Monk is still a racist batty-crease. I’m sure someone somewhere once gave their life for our freedom not to push racist batty-creases from Derby into wheat threshers, but if there was one and Dennis Monk was looking the other way, I’d still be sorely tempted. Makes me sick thinking about it. Hypocrites.

Well done France for [... blah blah barble blah blah ...] If the Muslims don’t like it they can go back to countries that have Muslim as their traditional [... blah barble blah massive turdgobbler ...]

Another reason why I think this new law is great. It will help with the terrorism issue. Many terrorists these days are Muslim. Furthermore, it will also help to get rid of the sick people which will cover their face in a veil, pretending to be a Muslim when really they are a peadophile. [... barble barble blah ...]
growingtomp456

Fucking paedo terror-fiddlers with their fucking paedo wank-curtains. Where will this end?? Am I safe just because I’m over 18? Must I live in permanent fear of slot-eyed burkapedes and jiggly-cassocked priests?? How can I trust anyone whose penis I can’t see??!?

Might have to go for a lie down. I’ll leave my cock out so you can check I’m not masturbating furiously.

But what do the spluttering breadheads at This Is Money think? Go on, guess.

Thanks to Ken.

Quite right too.
Recently I followed a couple of people after they had signed on for their job seekers dole and found that 5 of them were actually working,one guy as a betting shop manager only yards from the dole office he uses.Time to stop these spongers.
R Markson, Manchester

Ladies. Can you make out that figure over there, crouching in the bushes outside your house? That’s R Markson. But don’t worry! He’s only making sure you don’t commit any benefit fraud or anything. Just act like he’s not there. Don’t you normally do some stretches about this time?

The labour party paid out beefits willy nilly only to buy votes
Mike, Penzance

I remember when the Labour party came round offering me beefits concealed in a discreet brown envelope. But I was smart. I told them I couldn’t promise to vote for them, although I might after a little more persuasion. Well, they were dropping by twice a week after that, right up to polling day. Now I can’t move for fucking beefits. They’re making my life hell. Please help me.

It’s interesting that people say there aren’t enough jobs to go round, yet half a million Poles showed up here a couple of years back and found work immediately – for example working in the chicken factory in Llanelli, or picking cabbages in Essex. When I was chucked out of a high-paying job twenty-five years ago I spent 3 months driving trucks, stacking paint in warehouses, and shifting furniture for LESS than I would have got on the rock’n'roll (since I had a wife and two kids). At the end of that period I still couldn’t find a job so I started my own business, working out of the back bedroom.

That’s where the jobs come from, chaps. Once you go on benefits, you’ll never get off again – starter jobs always pay less.
Jim Blythe, Cardiff

Yeah, scumbags, that’s where the jobs come from – Jim’s back bedroom, where you’ll find a low-resolution video camera, three barrels of vegetable oil and a pile of beefits that goes all the way up to the ceiling. Apply in writing, with photo. No time wasters.

Is it me or have i started seeing things,since the chancellor anounced he is going to start cutting incapacity benefit, there has has been a sudden surge in wheelchairs and walking sticks? from people who look like they do not need them ?? two words spring to mind – CON ARTISTS..
Michael, lancs

Personally, Michael, I think you’re fucking cracked. But it would be a suspicious coincidence, wouldn’t it? The Treasury announces a crackdown on benefit fraud, so naturally a load of people go out and commit benefit fraud. It makes perfect sense when you don’t think about it.

yeah bring it on, but i don’t think it will happen, there isn’t any jobs anyway,unless we send all immigrant s home that wouldn’t b a bad thing,british jobs for english workers
N Thatcher, bath

Nargaret is going all-out imperialistic on us. British jobs for English workers. So fuck you, the Scottish! Get out, Welshers, this call centre is ours now! Nice restaurant you’ve got here, Irish. Be a terrible shame if it suddenly got taken over by the English. Whoops, butterfingers!

Don’t just cut benefits, reduce the number of benefits there are – housing benefit/local housing allowance should be combined with jobseekers allowance instead of administered separately. If people can’t be trusted to pay their rent themselves, that’s their problem.

Privatise Jobcentre Plus, and make its staff behave like recruitment consultants driven by targets – and scrap the useless Pathways to Work scheme – there is nothing that they can’t do that can’t be done by jobclubs.
Merge or shut down most universities (especially ex-polytechnics) and make companies take on apprentices. One family friend started work as an articled clerk and retired as a circuit judge – we need to return to that instead of lumbering people with student debts for useless degrees.
Jobseeker, South London

I can see what Jobseeker did here. Having demanded an unworkable oversimplification of our complex system of benefits, and called for Jobcentre staff to effectively retrain as recruitment consultants – because we need more of them in the world – Jobseeker (who I’m going to assume is a man because I’m a dreadful misandrist) read back his post and, being an utter fucking cockslap, thought to himself, “no, this is far too reasonable. What can I do to make myself seem even more insanely rightwing and stupid? Ah, I know: ‘shut down most universities.’ High five!”

See, the problem with us humans is our duality and shit, the eternal raging battle between our loftier ideals and our raw, bestial urges. For every word of Baudelaire there’s at least two thousand glued-shut copies of Razzle littering the hedgerows of Lancashire alone.

And nowhere is our species’ tragic condition more evident than in these two generous slices of pungent cheese, thoughtfully cut by Randy from some HYS nonsense about some telly programme or something.

There is nothing to which television shows will not sink to attract bigger audiences: Ok, the lowest common denominator is where the action is, tells us a lot about our so-called civilisation!
ian cheese

An admirable stance, Mr cheese! But then, having spent all of three minutes drooling through his vibrating Bundy eyeballs at Corin’s norks, he gets the horn and we see his high horse bolt from under him to dry-hump a Bravissimo catalogue.

I hope the female wrestler is a lesbian & make love to the beauty queens & the dwarf will be the voyeur.
ian cheese

Christ alone knows how he managed it, but if you look at the above post in its original context, you’ll find it’s actually stained with gobs of tear-diluted jism.

I know its a great achievement and well done and all that but why isn’t he at school. If i tried to take my lad out of school to climb everest i’d have the school fining me and the social services arresting me for putting him in danger. Not that my lad would want to climb a mountain but you see my point. Never the less well done to him.
muddy90

In a strange parallel world, where social services have the power of arrest and the internet is a roadside cafe just off the North Circular, muddy90 sits alone in the corner, drinking from a chipped mug. He looks a bit like Charlie from Eastenders, but thicker. His childhood dreams of conquering the earth’s highest peak remain unfulfilled, and his son is unwilling to live them out for him, being more interested – as boys are these days – in his Nintendo Megabox, and his Power Rangers, and filming spit-roasts and stabbings on his phone.

A tear rolls down his cheek, falls into his mug. He looks down. His mug’s full of sick. He’s been drinking sick.

Posted by: Trevor on March 30, 2010 9:00 AM

I wish these people wouldstop “experimenting” with things they admit they don’t understand. Nobody knows what the consequences might be if those beams are made to cross.

But of course that’s what they’re going to do, Trevor. Abhorrent as it sounds, the four-eyed eccentric science professors at the LHC actually want the beams to cross. Timid, bookish nerds with glasses look out for their own, and if it means Sigourney Weaver might stick her tongue down Rick Moranis’ throat, they don’t give two shits if a dirty great marshmallow eats New York.

I was under the impression that Ministers where supposed to govern the country and not rely on advisers. It is quite simple a Minister stands up and says its banned until such time the awaited report is produced when a further decision will be taken. Those that want to embroil children into the shady world of drugs and supply plant food to them can then have the option of going to court and ask for a Judical Review of the Minister’s decision. I’ve got a pound that says they wont go to court. I’ve got another pound that says there isn’t a minister in this government that’s brave enough to take the decision.
Phil Davies

Fuck it, why not just ban everything in the world until someone can present a watertight case for it not being illegal? Just to be on the safe side.

The case against shouting at squirrels:

• Noise pollution
• Squirrel distress
• Sore throat

The case for shouting at squirrels:

• Erm

Based on the evidence put before the court, shouting at squirrels shall remain an offence. Now we’ll hear the Crown versus Lightly Tickling The Inside Of One’s Own Forearm.

We should have hung them when they were ten. Killing children is wrong and should be punished by death.

Pritesh Hathalia, Leicester

Ideally the hangman should be eight years old so we can go after him next.