spEak You’re bRanes

This disturbing comment was submitted by both Becca and Kat. Should women be doing more exercise? Not if they know what’s good for them.

Women are becoming fatter - maybe there is a deep-rooted reason for this. Too many rapists out there, illegal criminals let out of prison, rape law against women in favour of men, one of the reasons why I put on weight, for protection.
Caroline, UK

Finally, a use for the word “unrapeable”.

Thanks to Baroness Goblin for introducing me to “Ceri Bethany”. Not only is Ceri ALWAYS thinking of the children, she’s also wearing a look of wide-eyed terror.

Protect our children from….
Bullying paedophiles
fighting murderers
Knives rape
Guns drugs
Traffic alcohol
smoking teenage-pregnancys
under age sex

NOT TOO MUCH TO PROTECT THEN IS THERE!!!
YOU HAVE CHILDREN, THEN YOUR JOB TO PROTECT THEM TO ANY MEANS POSSIBLE!!!
ceri bethany, walsall, United Kingdom

You missed out “Obesity Pokemon” and “Gay Slapping” but on the whole I think your children will thank you for their hysterical panic-stricken childhood, spent cowering behind a reinforced door with a sobbing madwoman.

Let them all come home now, before we have no army left because they’ve all been killed!! Let them spend some time with their family’s and most importantly their children.. Children are forgotten these days in love and respect
ceri bethany, walsall, United Kingdom

Yes that’s right. Children are important. As long as they’re “our” children and not the ones they have in Iraq.

Of course we need doctors on call 24/7.. it’s peace of mind for my children as well
ceri bethany, walsall, United Kingdom

Can’t you just give your kids away to someone half-sane and start collecting pottery frogs instead? You’ll find it much less stressful. When’s the last time you heard of a pottery frog “fighting murderers” or committing “knives rape”?

Thanks to Kat for finding this one by another Kat.

I hate Hallowe’en. I believe that it is hugely harmful to pretend that dressing up and ‘being’ a witch or the Devil is a fun thing to do. Not only does it frighten and intimidate the elderly and single people, I feel that it is just so inappropriate to be basically celebrating evil. I don’t have children, but if and when I do, I will not be allowing my children to go and harrass people into giving them stuff under an evil guise. Hallowe’en- harmless fun? I don’t think so.
Kat Gilday, Camberley, Surrey, UK

It’s a slippery slope. One minute they’re just dressing up as witches, the next they’re casting their hexes and causing the crops to wither.

This inspired me to create a new category for all those whose everyday lives are blighted by fear of witches, devils, vengeful gods, paedos, Harry Potter, ludicrous leftwing plots, ludicrous rightwing plots, terrorists and other assorted bogeymen. These people often combine their irrational fears with a wilful ignorance of everything they should genuinely be worrying about. I’m going to call it “Fearful Nincompoops” for the moment, unless someone suggests something better.