spEak You’re bRanes

Can society benefit from a class system?

Look around Briton today, what you see is the direct outcome of civil socio-engineering of a perplexingly powerful ruling Socialist class.
Where we were once great, we are now the laughing stock of the world.

It is probably time to return to the old values as the neo socialist ones are proven not to work.

The Reaper, Hell

We all know who’s responsible, but it’s not “politically correct” to say so. They come over here, don’t learn the language properly, shoot our King in the eye, and we’re expected to make tapestries about it. You all know who I mean.

In institutionally racist Britain, the class system is evidently alive and well. That’s to be expected as they are intrinsically one and the same (Polygenism)

To hold the idea that one person is better than another on the basis that 1000 years ago, a long dead relative got lucky in a fight and won is equally as ridiculous as stating that someone is better than another based on their skin colour.

To support the class system is to support racism, that is a scientific FACT!

Swiss Hawk, Interlaken, Switzerland

I used to think that class and racial prejudice were just quite similar, and was thinking of pulling you up on polygenism. But since it’s a scientific FACT!, I can’t really argue.

What on earth shall we do about China? Shall we smile indulgently at their funny little ways? Or scream our fear of their tiny, industrious hands? Have you visited China? Did you see a documentary about it? Perhaps Michael Palin went there? Do you find the Chinese inscrutable but always very honourable? Maybe your mother is half-Chinese? Or maybe you once doinked an Oriental-looking bird in Hull? Your half-baked opinions are required!

China will become a threat to our country because this huge nation will compete with us for scarce resources. What makes it more of a threat than India is the way the Chinese seem to be willing to work fo, or make, sacrifices for the “Glory” of China. Countries which mobilise people for “Glory” are rarely peaceful to neighbouring states.

This is similar to our own history. It is only now, with improved human rights and full democracy are we asking “Who benefits from such glory and expansion?”
Andrew Taggart, CHippenham

Ah. We’re so wise now, Andrew. So wise. Yet, with all we’ve learned, how can we compete with endless rows of Chinese workers all prepared to die for the Glory of the motherland?

It is worrying that Britain these days finds it very easy to make allies of Communist states and I say that because I think its not that the Communist states change but because Britain becomes increasingly Communist
[Janedarc], London, United Kingdom

If I were you, I’d burn down your bungalow before the state requisitions it to store surplus grain.

I,ve always had an admiration for China and the Chinese people.
This dates back to the seventies and the show : The Water Margins”. [...]
Jan, Netherlands

Thanks Jan!

And finally, thanks to Rupert for sending me this last one.

I am worried about China’s economic expansion. As more and more goods are produced in this thriving nation, I fear that the needs of tall people will be overlooked.

I am 6′4″ and will feel silly sitting on a chair that has been designed for someone who is 5′2″, for example.

We need to ensure that China remains friendly with the UK, otherwise they will ignore the needs of taller people.
Jolly Green Giant, London

I’ve been reading posts by the poignantly tragic Jack Taft. He posted this first one in both “Who would be your dream duet?” and “How can the battle against drugs crime be won?”. I think it works well in both.

God rest his soul but a duet of Luciano Pavarotti and Paul Potts singing the Nessun Dorma.

Opera was never my thing but Luciano and Potts changed that for me, and I suspect, many others too.

Jack Taft, Birmingham, United Kingdom

It was a bit like when Nigel Kennedy turned the world of classical music on its head by wearing a denim jacket.

This one is from “Are some subjects tougher than others?”.

What in the name of all that is unholy is a GCSE in “Citizenship”?
[Vulpus_rex], London, United Kingdom

I took the subject two years ago, in yr9, yes my school just wanted to get it out of the way and not interfere with proper subjects, quite right of them too, looking back on it i realise there was a large element of the exam that tested how politically correct you were.

Labour’s Citizen, no wonder I failed then…
Jack Taft, Birmingham, United Kingdom

How the gibbering fuck do you fail any GCSE these days? Did you accidentally wipe your arse on it or something? All you had to do was pretend, for 60 minutes or so, not to be a racist. Even the BNP can manage that.

Thanks to Sam for these from the “Can Labour recover from the latest defeat?” thread.

(G)ordon B(rown) = Grown. Funny what our economy has Grown into. Little acorns. Sorry, i missed MP’s wages out. Wasn’t it long ago that the media was telling the unemployed to get jobs in the building industry? Yes. So much for that plan. B(row)n. Row us across to an island of Paradise. I’ll build a few cheap affordable houses out of Bamboo and tree leaf. In the cold winter i’ll take comfort in a stone cave and with a free log fire…Caroline Flint, (Flint) i need this to light a fire.
Nick, South Shields

Yeah. Um. That’s sparkling wit and dazzling wordplay, Nick. I always wondered who “Countdown” was for.

Here, I’ll help you out. Watch and learn as Metal Face Clive wins the open mic poetry slam.

prudence? inherited good economy robbed pensions stealth taxed EVERYONE to the max, reduced support for councils so taxes rise alarmingly, increased burden of civil service(and pensions) beyond belief, ripped motorists pitilessly, spent fortunes with little effect on services, encouraged irresponsible lending so when the wheel turns there is no leeway, raised in a manse forgot 7 good years and 7 lean years the worst chancellor on record. exams worthless crime rampant unions back election now !
clive pettitt, bridport

Some exceedingly conscious rhymes right there.

If I were a rock star and finally got my break …I wouldnt like it if my music was being shared illegally over the net !!!
deja vu

Your music will never be shared illegally over the internet.

Thanks to Jo. These are from a thread about that Serbian chap who’s going to be tried for war crimes. Many on HYS are obediently joining in the Two Minute Hate and frothing with rage at the chap they’d never heard of until yesterday, but others are more considered. Examples to us all.

Great news! Now - and this is important - make sure he gets a fair trial. We have to start standing for something again. If he’s truly the butcher they say he is (and I’m sure he is - but don’t convict him on my word) there should be no trouble trying him for his crimes. The world doesn’t need vengeance, we need justice. Make sure we get it and nothing less.
[Scott_From_Columbus], Columbus, United States

It’s all very well adding “don’t convict him on my word”, but you’ve already gone and let the world know what Scott from Columbus thinks. How do you expect him to get a fair trial now?

I haven’t been able to go through all the comments, but hasn’t anyone questioned why this person wasn’t recognized by his voice before now? He was the LEADER for heavens sake. He was on television and radio all the time. I could recognize Tony Blair or George W when they spoke, even if they had bags over their head.
[Allitnil], Coquitlam, Canada

Serious? NOBODY questioned that?? I suspect it’s a cover up. Or perhaps he spoke through a kazoo for the last few years.

Now he’ll get the overdue justice medicine he truly deserves…. it’s complementary & also complimentary…& all his victims now hope… he enjoys his “JUST DESSERTS”!

PS. I forgot to say there will be plenty enough for his old friend & perpetrator Ratko Mladic as well.
Jaker, London & Dublin

Thanks for reminding us that war crimes don’t have to be all “DOOM AND GLOOM”!

You just know when someone chooses to style themselves “LoonyLeft andThick” that they’re going to be a fount of hilarity, in the same way that you know someone calling themselves “Cunning Linguist” on a dating site is going to have plenty of lonely nights ahead. I’m never trying that again.

What would your Gladiator name be?

Clown Brown

Just think of all the boos and hisses as your name’s announced to the audience… Priceless!!
LoonyLeftandThick

Actually it probably is a good bet that 90% of the Gladiators audience is made up of HYS halfwits.

Have Europeans lost faith in the EU?

I never had faith in the EU/EEC in the first place.
Mr Clown and his merry socialist chums refuses to give us, in the UK, an EU referendum proves the point!!
LoonyLeftandThick

You’re answering the wrong question here. The one titled “Have pigshit thick little Englanders always had a sneering cowardice towards other cultures?” is over there. Still, nice reuse of the Clown joke.

Should there be access to cross-border healthcare?

This idea is utter madness!
I can just imagine masses and masses of eastern Europeans flooding to our hospitals for treatment that, in the end, we’ll be paying for.Another foolish idea from that totally undemocratic bunch the EU. Why are we paying National Insurance?
No wonder Clown and fools won’t provide a referendum on Europe in the UK….
LoonyLeftandThick

Yeah. Fuckers. How dare they get access to our healthcare and expect their own governments to pay for it? That reminds me, I must pick up form E111 before I hop off to Spain on Easyjet. Good to see you’re sticking with the Clown theme though. It was a tough pun to come up with, there’s plenty of mileage left in it yet.

What has the David Davis by-election result achieved?

It doesn’t matter who leads the Conservatives, they will hammer your useless socialist fools in 2010! I’m going to enjoy every last minute of NuLab’s demise- and yours…..Ha Ha!
LoonyLeftandThick

Points away for forgetting to squeeze the “Clown” joke in there again, but extra kudos for somehow confusing your political allegiances with those of Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

Go on then, give us another laugh. Got any jokes about things that aren’t NuLab?

What were your Glastonbury highlights?

The chemical loos!!
LoonyLeftandThick

Brilliant.

Have your sayers seem to be jealous of maternity leave.

Oh for heavens sake!

‘Wimmin’ are at it again. ‘We want, we want, we want……’

Children are a privilege, not a right. YOU want them, YOU bring them up. Instead YOU palm them off elsewhere & spoil them when you can be bothered to spend time with them and guess what? Society has hit the skids.

If you want kids, stay at home and raise them. If you can’t afford it, don’t have them.

I am a mum. I am self employed & work from home. I bring my son up.

Sylvia, westcliff

Wimmin = Knifecrime. You liberal do-gooders would do well to remember that.

If I were an employer I would give women the bodyswerve whenever possible. I work for the council and the women here are never off the phone about or to their kids, they take Mondays off, they need special holidays. If one of them comes back they seem to show up with their baby a week before and suddenly every women stops working for half an hour. It’s a joke.. You either have kids and stay at home looking after them making sure they don’t turn into neds or work full time all the time. Choose…
Ian, Aberdeen

If only one of these women would let you give them the ‘bodyswerve’. You’d probably hate them a little less.

Of you go again girls moan moan moan equal opportunities moan moan moan want the same as the men moan moan moan. Well listen up!

I’d love the chance to have 6 months off on full pay to be with my new born baby- and women who choose not to have kids would love this time off too i’m sure but this is not how the world works. You can’t have everything. Of course your career is delayed- if I had 6 months off away from the office mine would be too.

Get over it!
Cor Blimey Guv

Being with a baby? You know what that means, don’t you? Paedo! Paedo!

A thread on Doctor Who brought us the HYSers unique brand of hilariously politically incorrect humour:

What do you think will happen in tonight’s Dr Who?

They’ll go out on the lash, have a kebab and a fight.

Bert Trautmann

Ha ha! Great!

He should marry his latest companion, then when they split up she gets to keep his Tardis, and he spends all eternity in a bedsit struggling to pay the CSA.

john Adair, England Not Britain, Virgin Islands (UK)

Wa-HEY!

A darlek should reveal he is really his father & that the woman he loves is his sister.

NineteenEightyFour ReturnsForReal, This Planet, Not Theirs, United Kingdom

Haha! Wow! Just like in Star Wars!

The series is finally taken off the air because the Doctor cannot afford the crippling time travel tax and stargate congestion charge levied on the Tardis to save the cosmos by the politically correct Time Lords.

[Penworthy], Cornwall

Oooh! Little bit of politics there!

Davros should exterminate the labour government.

gnomes haverights

Edgy!

The clever money says Doctor Who will run off with a gay dalek, and that’s the last we’ll see of either of them for a while.

Wiggy Davies, Scafell

Let me guess, your boss is just like David Brent.

The Doctor and the Daleks join forces and march on Downing Street to protest about the rising cost of Inter-Galatic fuel and the soaring cost of oil for the Daleks working parts.

Alistair Darling is taken hostage by the Daleks and is forced to lower the price of both.

The Daleks then clone Gordon Brown into Mr Bean and jettison him into hyper space never to be seen on Earth ever again.

Cue closing music and credits !!

Heliboy nine one one, Olde Balham Londonia, United Kingdom

Isn’t the entire point of cloning that it’s the same person? But seriously, you’re ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!! Nights out with you must be WELL MENTAL!!!!!!!!

I really must congratulate HYS for raising Doctor Who into a thread, and giving me, via the various top recommended comments, the best laugh I’ve had all day.

The British sense of humour is not dead, and that’s official.

Andrew Hill, Grantham, Lincs

Dear God I wish it was.

Are our children globally illiterate?

The more important question is why indiginous children know so much more about foreign cultures than they do about ther own. There is already too much diversity and muticultural brainwashing, it’s destroyed real education.

New government please !

Matt Munro, Bristol, Uk

You know, just the other day I was having a most enlightening conversation with a White, Indigenous, BRITISH child about the prosody of Goethe and Baudelaire, when I happened to mention Shakespeare. “Shake-speer? Who’s that squire?” came the reply. Astonishing.

An education charity claims children aren’t getting enough of something? Wow! Actually that’s what charities do: identify a lack.

Stage 2 is to ask for more of whatever it is.

Stage 3 is to demand extra funding.

Excuse me but how much does education in this country cost the taxpayer? And why, when I visit the library, is it empty? And isn’t broadband cheap enough now for everyone to have it at home? Stop pretending kids are lacking anything that common sense alone can’t sort out.

Colin, London

Mum says not to go to the library where the strange man is.