spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to my namesake Alexander. Should prisoners have the right to vote?

I would say NO, they shouldn’t have the vote,but does it matter what I say or think, The European Court of Human Rights doesn’t care about my views otherwise they wouldn’t come out with this sort of ridiculous ruling

kevin ball, Plymouth- rejected by the mods for no reason, United Kingdom

It’s tragic really. Your opinions are so important and unambiguously expressed, the European Court of Human Rights would surely bow immediately to them if it only knew who you were, and then think what a beautiful place the world could be. But don’t go blaming the PC brigade or any of that nonsense. It’s just because you’ve not made a name for yourself. You should collect a cardboard box full of baby squirrels, set it on fire, and film yourself having boisterous sex with it while singing Barry White hits in a high-pitched squeaky voice. Then dress up as Bootsy Collins, turn yourself in to the police, and appeal your sentence all the way to Strasbourg. I guarantee they won’t ignore you after that.

Thanks to Phil for spotting Keith, who has nothing to say but has found a creatively stupid way to say it.

How should we tackle terrorism?

We’ve gotta stand up, we’ve gotta be strong
We’ve gotta hold our nerve until the job is done
And they’ve made a killing,
They don’t care about the blood that they’re spilling

9/11, 9/11, what went down with building 7?
Ever since that fateful day
our civil rights have disappeared
A global fascist state draws near
and our freedom slips away
And they don’t give a stuff
They’ve made that clear enough
So now it’s up to us to bring ‘em down

keith, bournemouth

The formatting got a bit mangled when he posted to HYS but I think I’ve recovered the original intent. I mean, I chopped it up randomly, the same way it was assembled.

In case it’s not clear what keith is getting at, he’s referring to the popular theory that a conspiracy of powerful shadowy government agents staged the 9/11 attacks in order to erode our civil liberties so that a shadowy cabal of businessmen can take over the world. Presumably because they’re tired of having to pay lobbyists to bribe politicans to run the world for them.

Found this one on the “G20″ thread. At first it seems a cut above your standard HYS brainsquawk. In fact, it seems pretty rational, like it was written by a normal, but watch out for the modulation around “I will rant” where it shifts suddenly into the key of shitflap minor.

They will do nothing of substance. All of their leaderships have been damaged beyond repair. None of us can believe that none of them saw this coming. And even now, they refuse to realise that greed is out of fashion, or that they have run out of trust. One rule for them, another for us. And yes, I will rant. Just like the BBC, it’s ok for a radio 4 presenter to say today, that Gordon Brown is probably sticking pins in an effigy of Mervyn King, but I say it, and my comment is rejected.
Carol Lunn

Things are starting to look up. Carol Lunn obviously believes that “The BBC” is a small group of people who sit around discussing Carol Lunn. They probably share an office with the Bank of England, the unions, the National Lottery, Greenpeace, Google Maps and Gordon Brown.

Curiosity got the better of me at this point and I clicked through to see what fresh whinnets I could gingerly harvest from Carol’s claggy RSS feed. With my nail scissors, I clipped away a few of the less appetising nuggets until I came upon the chewy gem below. I’m speaking metaphorically of course (I think it’s the extra hour of sunlight doing stuff to my hormones). What I mean is that I scanned through a few hundred words of some bint whining on a web page and found this comment about “broken hearts” or something. This is one for the connoisseurs out there. It’s got fruity layers and is stuffed with petulance and pomposity. It’s been rolled in arrogance before being dusted with self-pity. Not the everyday arrogance and self-pity you’ve been forced to use to save money during the credit crunch, dear me no. This is the good shit. The really expensive stuff where you don’t merely think you’re better than everyone else or suffering worse than everyone else but actually fail to comprehend that there is anyone else.

My heart is broken when I see that the rules governing this site halt a bit of fun; just how politically controlled are you? a jest about chucking darts at a picture of someone who has wronged you? Has my comment rejected? Get real; maybe it is you who are plitical correctness gone mad. I shall now remove my comments to a different site, as I’ve noticed that anything which doesn’t comply with current political speak is rejected. Fainthearts; not in the English tradition.
Carol Lunn

Are you hearing this BBC? ARE YOU? I expect your apology before sunset today. If I do not receive it you shall face me in a duel at dawn! Fie! Blaggard!

Somebody fetch my horse. And a sandwich.

Thanks to Fay for finding Ian Jempson, despite attempts to silence him. Probably because he’s a “racist”:

i think you will find we are all Mixed race if you look at the gene pool from every person in the world , however religion and politics would stop me from ecouraging it, i’m english and like english things , i dont like africa as they are always fighting and for this reason alone would not want to have an african wife to produce a mixed race child.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I had an African wife once. Said she was from Bournemouth, but you know how you can’t trust them. Anyway, African she was, always on the genocide. Couldn’t stop herself. Terrible show. Mind you it’s the kids I feel sorry for. Our youngest could never decide between Brideshead Revisited and mutilating his womenfolk with a machete. Poor wee mite.

Incidentally, try imagining that post in the voice of a child. It’s adorable.

Instead of a database containing our private movements , perhaps a more effective border police force , proper imigration checks coupled with really harsh hard punishments from the courts like hanging for planting bombs would stem the flood of crime ! Lets face it we are the dumping ground for the european criminals they are here all ready

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

So what you’re saying is, we need to secure our borders to keep out the foreign criminals we’re already full of, and that the threat of death will deter bombers like the ones on 9/11 and 7/7?

Community service is flawed somewhat , i was assaulted by a person whilst being sat in a bar talking with friends , the attack was completely unprovoked he just walked up to me and punched me in the face, this was observed by a police officer in plain clothes who arrested the assailant , it came out in court this guy had previous for violence , firearms , burglary , He ended up being found guilty , his sentence was 200 hours community service !! Surely a prison sentence should have been given.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

Or a royal pardon and a packet of biscuits.

We all know the truth , Gordon Brown is as guilty as anybody in a bank for the crisis were all in now , and yes i think that jeremy clarksons remark calling mr Brown an “idiot ” was bang on . Ill be amazed if the Pro labour anti free speech agents let this post through !! The bias on here is amazing.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I have to say, I’m getting really tired of making jokes about Moderation Martyrs. Blah blah you must be so oppressed, poor whitey maley heterosexualley abley-bodiedey non-Muslimey little Englishman blah blah. It’s all because of fuck knows what conspiratorial progressive liberal ideology-cum-reactionary set of religious beliefs yadda yadda JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THE THREADS. Read the most recommended comments, and thank the bounty of Not-Allah that the people whose job it is to keep BBC Have Your Say left-leaning are only working a demeaning, low-level online-media job and not keeping a nuclear power station from exploding.

Thanks to Mike for this directionless spurt of paranoia.

Actually it really is scary, it’s not a case of “if we go on like this it’ll be 1984″ it’s here already! People in trouble for insulting our “beloved” leader (remember Splitting Image? Those days of freedom are long gone!)
Infact I’ll probably get arrested for this posting (sorry, I mean i’ll get a visit from social services, maybe they’ll take my children away?). Uh oh, I think I hear the thought police knocking on the door…. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
Bianca Rowan, London, United Kingdom

Don’t worry Bianca. The Thought Police can’t get you if you don’t have any thoughts.

Think of the horrors that censorship and repression of free speech have engendered over the years. Genocides were swept under the carpet, whole ways of life were eradicated, uncountable lives ruined by imprisonment just for criticising those in power. I try to remember every day that it was as little as twenty years ago that countries we now count as members of the European Union suffered under such a repressive yoke. But even in the democratic west, this cancer still figures large, a boot stamping on a human face forever. You might sit there, comfortable in your Guardian-and-polenta lifestyle, subdued by the television and videos of kittens on YouTube but on the front lines people are still throwing and breaking themselves against forces that would deny them these basic articles of civic faith.

“What are the limits of freedom of speech ?”

A fully moderated HYS is a good place to start for one.

Cyrus P Turntable, At The Races

The irony of the BBC asking is there free speech on a forum where they moderate (ie censor) the comments does not escape me.

steve thornhill

I find it highly ironic that the BBC pretends theres a debate on this subject, considering the organistion has been at the forefront of introducing “thought crime” in the name of “political correctness”

Michael P

One day, tovarisches, the sun will gaze bright and proud upon your names, carved – by the trembling hand of a cowardly HYS moderator, appropriately re-educated – upon a hundred foot-high monument to your sacrifice standing where the CRE now stands. From the Ford Focus-sized eye of Paul Dacre’s image will drip a tear made of the biggest diamond we could pry out of a dead African’s hand. But the path will be hard. Not all of us will make it. But know this, that those who fall on the march will cheer us from White Heaven. Well, when the Celestial Black and White Minstrel Show isn’t on, anyway.

On PMQs. See what I did with the title? I spent literally ages thinking that one up.

Dear Prime Idiot,
Please can you tell me how fast it can be to leave this country to head for a land where there is a democratically leader, that tells the truth, has no idea what spin is, and can actually use a calculator to make sure that there is money in the bank for a rainy day?
Is this too much???????
Bet it gets moderated too!!!!!
AJ Wilson Briggs, Amsterdam (ExUK), Netherlands

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you’ve lost your bet and subsequently look like a paranoid, self-important twat. The good news is that, even though you struggle to remember what country you’re in, you look positively well-adjusted next to “Deleted Deleted, Comment Rejected (moderator 43)” and his fifty-odd pages of published comments.

Loving this one. Could be from pretty much any “debate”. It works best if you imagine him/her as Violet Beauregarde (from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”) as she’s turning into a giant blueberry.

I will be no better off.

Now I have five comments in a row rejected by the BBC censors.

None of which broke the house rules or were off topic – but they do not fit the BBC world view.

The British Brainwashing Corps has become an agent of government tyranny – the suppression of freedom of speech is now the norm.

Moderators – do you have no shame? Do you not as individuals believe in freedom of speech?

Shame on you.
Rise England Rise, England (not UK)

Good work. England (not UK) needs brave souls like you, unstinting in your dedication to “grumbling about shit”. The BBC will certainly think twice about imposing martial law as long as you keep flailing wildly at your keyboard. I pray, for all our sakes, that you don’t get so fat that you can no longer reach it.

“Rise England Rise”.. ahahahhahahahahahaha.

Every now and then I come across a Have Your Say poster who makes me genuinely think. You know, like, when you suddenly see the world in a whole new way? Check out this “Bushwhackered” chap. He hates Bush but he also hates Labour! He’s really blowing my mind right now.

My mildest, expletive-free, cautiously-phrased criticism of NuLabour skulduggery or idiocy is almost always CENSORED and REJECTED by Aunty Beeb on ‘Have Your Say’. for some imagined breach of House Rules. Protect these public figures at all costs, it seems.

But Ross gets away with participation in vicious harassment and abuse of a private person!

As my local MP said to me at surgery, when we’ve overthrown Labour nad the Loonie Left in 2010, it will be time to break up the Beeb.
[Bushwhackered]

When you put it like that, it all seems so clear. It’s got me hankering after a revolution. I’m not surprised they’re trying to stifle you!

“Should women have the right to keep pregnancy a secret?”

Outrageous.

All of this is part of NuLabour’s masterplan to greatly increase the number of children who grow up without contact with one of their parents.

While many such unfortunate children overcome this handicap & grow up well-adjusted, successful & hard-working, very many do not.

It is this large group of failures who, having a chip on their shoulder & benefits-dependent, almost invariably vote Labour.

So Labour abuses children in order to jerrymander votes.

LABOUR OUT!
[Bushwhackered]

He just slices (like a hot knife through butter) through all the layers of the policy onion to reveal the heart (core) of the matter (onion) as clear as day. I bet he’d absolutely fucking nail it on Mastermind.

“What’s the greatest computer game of all time?”

Chess.
[Bushwhackered]

Wow. That’s a really good answer because you can play it on a computer but it’s actually a really old game that only very, very, VERY clever people can play! It mocks all current games whilst also revealing that “Bushwhackered” is very, very clever indeed. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

I’ve subscribed to his comment feed so that I can continue to learn from him.

I never knew before Tony submitted this, but apparently “fIrSt pØsT – LOL” also exists on HYS, albeit in a more paranoid and self-important form.

Once again I was the first comment and yet I was not published in the first batch – Bias again BBC.
Keith Waters, Ely, United Kingdom

You may laugh, but time of publication usually makes the difference between two and two hundred recommendations. Yet again the Communist moderators DELIBERATELY come between Keith Waters and the buxom young beer heiresses who search online news forums for a witty, intelligent mate.