spEak You're bRanes

For those who are interested in the court case I mentioned the other day, Kirk was convicted, given a conditional discharge and ordered to pay costs.

A few kind people expressed an interest in making a donation towards the costs. If you’d like to do so, please go here.

Thanks to everyone for the comments and emails.

You might also be interested to learn that the two owners of small-arms manufacturer Heckler & Koch are currently being sued by a group of investors who allege that they took €130 million out of the company and blew it on yachts, jets, helicopters and mansions. It’s gratifying to see these bastards facing a massive, whirling shitstorm of trouble but I can’t help approving of the idea that someone might take a truckload of money designated for helping an arms company, and piss it all up the wall instead.

Will faith influence your vote? As usual, a couple of tedious cockwipes took this to mean ‘What’s your least favourite foreigner?’, grinning proudly to themselves at how cleverly they’d linked it to the real title.

john wrote:
my faith as been destroyed when it is hard to hear english in my city

warriorsottovoce wrote:
All He asks for is for us to believe in Him and all will be OK. Sorry Gordon, it’s not going to work this time. After 13 years of Labour it would be like asking a Scotsman to pass through the eye of a needle before he could get into Parliament

Which I’m not even going to dignify with a put-down. Mostly though, it was an unbearably smug battle between the unbearably smug god-botherers and the unbearably smug god-botherer-botherers.

Megan wrote:
As a Christian EVERYTHING I do is informed by my faith. My choice when I come to cast my vote is no different… but it isn’t based on trivia like whether or not my chosen candidate happens to hold any faith, let alone the same one. It’s based on the policies for which he or she stands and how well they accord with what I think Jesus would want.

Poster seen in a church doing duty as a polling station: “You have come to mark your X – remember the one who died on a + for your salvation, and consider what He would have us do.”

Good idea. I’ll start praying for guidance on the common market and effective fiscal policy. It’ll give me the edge over those ghastly, self-righteous atheists, who can just change their entire philosophy at the drop of a hat.

Peter wrote:
I learned a new word yesterday – Laicism: ‘the nonclerical, or secular, control of political and social institutions in a society’. As a Laicist I will be looking for leaders who actively deny the role of religion in government and will be ignoring any desperate enough to involve the mystical, spiritual and utterly intangible in their political pitch.

Someone desperately needs to teach Peter the word ‘onanism’ the day before a job interview.

Normally, after reading a dozen sanctimonious, cocksure atheists whining about how definitely right they are and how stupid everyone else is, I’m usually all but ready to side with the Christians, who generally seem dimly aware that they believe some astonishingly implausible stuff. But you can’t ever generalise about these things:

John McCormick wrote:
Hello, #21,
You make your point forcibly but foolishly.
You seem to be saying that belief in a faith requires no empirical evidence.
In return, I would argue that maintaining an atheist or agnostic position is illustrative of mental blindness on a (literally) cosmic scale.
To disbelieve in God, you have to believe some really improbable “facts”:

1) That the universe came into existence without help. Whether you go for 10 dimensions, or whatever scientific mumbo-jumbo holds your attention for now, ultimately you have to believe that something can pop into existence where once there was nothing. Sorry, but I don’t believe in magic – obviously you do.
2) That matter can become animate without help. Please refer to a wonderful chapter in Bill Bryson’s Short History of Everything in which he describes the mechanism that would be required to achieve this for 1 protein molecule. The odds against this 1 molecule are so high that there simply has not been enough time (even 20 billion years) for this to happen by accident.

There have been some really wonderful theories promulgated by scientists through the ages to explain the universe (And the daft ones believed by the church were non-biblical, too) – such as the universe being eternal and the earth being in the middle. And lets not forget the search for luminiferous ether while we’re at it. Reminds me of the search for dark matter (When all you need to do is un-apply the laws of thermodynamics for a little; while the universe is being created).

As far as I can see, atheists are not faithless – they believe in some really amazing impossibilities!

Yeah, like magic. Magic! Can you imagine? And it’s a slippery slope too. Start off believing in magic, next thing you know, you’re believing in some gigantic old man who has all the magic in the universe and sends it to smite the bummers.

It’s Budget time, when pubs and offices throughout the land are filled with people loudly coughing half-chewed lumps of Robert Peston’s opinions in each other’s faces.

How about a tax linked to ones job TYPE regardless of the income but related to benefit to the UK. If it’s a wealth creating job the tax should be less. If it’s a parasitic pseudojob then the tax should be more.

This way in the first category:

surgeons, street sweepers farm workers and drivers (except the driver described below) would pay LESS % tax

and

in the second category:

drug dealers, investment bankers, pirates, minicab lobbyists (as distinct from proper drivers described in the low tax section above), property speculators and loan sharks, would pay MORE % tax on their incomes.
jjs

Thanks to Peter for finding this one. But why stop at drug dealers, loan sharks and pirates? Contract killers, terrorists and highwaymen should also be taxed to the eyeballs. What do they actually contribute to this country? Eh? Mind you, I bet they’d just find ways round it, wouldn’t they?

As for the minicab lobby, they’ve had far too much influence in Westminster for far too long. I was disgusted last year when the Racial and Religious Hatred Act 2006 was amended to exempt taxi drivers. These twats give proper drivers (party bus, monster truck, etc) a bad name.

Yet again the average man in the street has been hit with rises in booze,cigerattes and fuel increases, they work had for ther money all to get it return is it all taken away in tax. We should reduce fuel tax that would cut the average persons cost of living, tax the luxeries such as gambling, bingo, MP’s expenses, Union funds and increase tax on all those earning over £25 per week. Reduce the number of MP’s and local Councillors that would save a fortune. Living abroad is more and more appealing. Trouble is who ever wins the next election will hammer us again and again, why don’t MP’s listen and stick to there agenda of punishing MR AVERAGE
Keith

You can almost see the bitterness dripping, green and viscous, from Keith’s words. For years he’s been watching with mounting resentment as his flash cunt neighbour swans around town, frittering away his £25/wk+ salary on bingo and union meetings, while Keith can barely scrape together the cash for necessities such as booze and fags. Where’s the fucking justice?

Haven’t had time to listen to any of it yet, I have been to work & finished 10pm… so will read it in the papers tomorrow.
EBAYTKMAX

Cheers, mate! Be sure to pop in again and let us know what you thought.

We’ve decided to divvy up the gay execution thread, just because there is so much fail of so many sorts to go round.

These people are just human beings like any other. The only difference is they choose to live a different kind of life. We should not discriminate them from others. They have the same rights like every body else. Such laws are very retrogresive and create acrimony for nothing. We should learn to have respect and appreciate other persons lifestyle. We can not all have the same lifestyle. The way we differ in appearance is the same way we differ in thinking.

AUBREY CHINDEFU, LUSAKA ZAMBIA

Aside from minor typos and the fact that it’d do as much good to the world if Aubrey Chindefu had drawn a picture of a walrus on the screen in marker pen, this is an intelligent, reasoned and eloquent comment. I even had to look up ‘acrimony’ and I’m like, really clever. It reminds us, if we needed reminding, that Africa is a huge and diverse place, and the gulfs of opinion can be as wide between two next-door neighbours as they can between Cape Town and Tripoli. Of course, at the close of play, this had all of 3 recommendations because, on the subject of whether Africans should be killing Africans for having the wrong bum-sex with Africans, HYSers aren’t really interested in the African perspective. Not when they could be telling savage, childlike foreigners what to do, anyway.

Are they serious? Seriously? When the rest of the world is trying so hard to recognise Africa as civilized, why do they have to shoot themselves in the foot like this?

licoriceallsorts, candyland

You fucking idiot Africa.

What a barbaric and ignorant proposition. If Africa wants help from the west then I see no reason why we should not attatch some cultural conditions to that aid.

Killing someone because of a personal and private choice is medieval and reflects the emotional immaturity of African socieities. The West needs to stand firm against rubbish like this. If Ugandans want to oppress minorities with death threats then they can ask the Chinese for billions in aid instead, and see how far they get.

A shocked gay man, uk

I understand you’re shocked, shocked gay man, but do you really think stopping Africa’s pocket money will help? With something as extreme as executing gays it should be a simple case of “grow up or get a smacked botty”.

“Nations do not have a right to execute homosexuals,”

Yes they do. They can kill whoever they want. Fortunately we have bigger guns than them, and should currently be sabre rattling.

Matt, Manchester

Hang on Matt, surely a sabre’s a bit excessive. Maybe just pull Uganda’s pants down and use the flat of your hand. Or bomb it from the skies a bit, whichever works for you.

This is a difficult situation to comment on because, as a white person, I know I should be polite when I talk about black people, mindful of 100s of years of European oppression.

But, while generally respecting black people as a race and a culture, I can only describe the Ugandan politicians who are supporting this bill as primitive, superstitious barbarians.

I hope all the decent Ugandans do not allow their country to become synonymous with violent stupidity. Reject this bill

Rocket Scientist

Congratulations. You’re like, the least racist person on HYS. In fact, I’ve made you a special plaque in the form of a very small swastika.

I’m going to end on another sensible comment because we need to remain positive in the face of such massive, massive bollocks. It works best if you picture Ibraheem Hameed as the scatty but amiable vicar of a small country parish, haring into the church and vaulting onto the pulpit to gabble this short comment at breakneck speed, before dashing off to be somewhere else ten minutes ago and leaving his glasses behind.

Death penalty or whichever kind of sanction it may be for homosexual act, the poor masses suffer from it. It is not an act of murder or it like therefore, let them do what they think is good for them. For all of us are sinners.

Ibraheem Hameed, Khartoum

Cast first stone. Forgiveness. Amen. A sermon for the twitter generation.

Thanks to Ben for pointing me at this thoughtful and informative analysis of the recent European elections. Do I mean thanks to Ben? Or do I mean “Christ on a bike Ben, what the fuck did I do to you?”

The BNP won seats because people are fed up with this government changing the population of this country without asking anyone. That is what ultimately has destroyed the Labour Party.
harry portsmouth

I have to admit I agree with you there. It’s so annoying when you’re sat down with a nice cup of milky tea and some marmite on toast to watch the cricket, and suddenly you’re Norwegian and can’t enjoy any of it. Bloody Marxists.

“I’m truly sickened that the BNP have now got seats. Is this what my grandad fought for?”

I am over 80 years old and it is exactly what I fought for! Well done the BNP.
Average Joe, Belfast

Auf welcher Seite?

It’s amazing how Labour politicians keep telling us we voted for the BNP because we didn’t understand its policies. NO – we voted for the BNP because we’re white, we’re native British, and we want OUR country back.
Paul

Hear that Brown? Hear that BBC? PC Brigade? This was NOT a protest vote! Paul really is JUST RACIST. So don’t you generic Islington liberals patronise him by trying to address his other, legitimate concerns.

Great news that the British National Party have won 2 seats! I backed them, as did everyone I know. And i’m not one of these working class racist ‘yobbos’ the media make the BNP out to be. Just a hard-working Englishman that cares about his country and doesn’t want it governed by Europe.

God bless democracy.
Englander, Yorkshire

That’s fine then. It’s quite alright to be that kind of racist. Just make sure your tie is straight when you assault ethnic minorities, use tasteful pastel colours to daub swastikas on Jewish graves and remember there’s an ‘h’ in “go home”. Otherwise people will think you’re some sort of ghastly plebeian Nazi who drinks red wine with fish.

Feel like stabbing a fork into your own face until the stupid goes away? Well here’s Ben’s find. Like a magic eye, it takes a few seconds for you to see it. But, unlike a magic eye, it’s actually rather clever and entertaining.

The Most Curious outcome of this Election is the proclivity of the Commentators on this fine Website for sudden and unexpected Capital Letters, that blight out Fine Nation more profoundly than beef mountain, butter curtains and other Dimensional Junk.
Henry Dechamps, Hemel Hempstead

No time to sift through the shit this week, so thanks to John for finding this comment about glow-in-the-dark monkeys or something over at CiF. Quality.

This sort of thing is the future. I’m still more worried about a race of super human overlords than the possible cruelty to a variety of glow in the dark animals. Russian oligarch offspring capable of completely filling the screen on the original Nokia snake. The children of bank bosses with a genetically ‘enhanced’ sense of responsibility. How many of Richard Branson’s children will we have to see cluttering up the night sky, after having arrived in space without the need for a spaceship, before we say enough is enough? 10? 300 million? It is already too late.
jimmylazers

Thanks to Will. Lovely little comment this. Alright, his humour might go over the heads of some and he seems to think you can fight ignorance and prejudice with the online-opinion equivalent of tugging yourself off but, other than that, this is a rather good diagnosis.

Maybe I’m just wierd, but I like jargon, particularly catch-all terms like political correctness and social engineering. I use them all the time.

They are great because you can apply them to any situation – so much so that they have become meaningless. I no longer have to think before using them. It’s great.

Little Englander Xenophobe, HYS-BBC sponsored bastion of stupidity, ignorance, whinging and meaningless catch-alls

Recommended by 22 people

I like to imagine the other 21 all thought he really meant it.

Thanks to Jen for this comment from a Times article about an extinct species of giant snake.

perhaps the childish game ‘snakes & ladders’ is actually a vestigial trace of what was once basic human survival training ? i remember being shocked as an 7 year old learning the true significance of the words to ‘ring-a-ring-of-roses’…….
Simon H, Anglesea, Australia

It’s highly likely. That same basic safety training is the origin of many wonderful games like “Tigers, Knives and Cholera” and old songs like O’Carolan’s “Planxty Don’t Cram Brittle Stuff Up Your Poopflue”.

I also found this one which I like because it’s nice to see someone so uncynically overcome with enthusiasm for Very Big Snakes.

Cor!
Fred, Bristol, UK

Thanks to Ben.

I am not against people being made to work if they are genuinely capable of doing so but I have read alot this week about the need to teach ‘happiness’ in schools because of, apparently, lack of parental gudance at home. Now the proposal is to send mother’s of babies under one out to work. Where are the jobs that will pay enough for childcare and a living and still provde time for that all imprtant infant boning?
Kate Western, Rochester

Paedo.

What I find fascinating about Have Your Say is not cretinous opinions expressed by articulate and ostensibly intelligent people, but articulate and ostensibly intelligent opinions expressed by paranoid xenophobic fucknuts between bouts of shrieking. The following is an almost poetic example of this, where legitimate concerns over the abuse of state power suddenly explode into an Wagnerian inferno of deranged conspiracy theory. You can almost hear the strings swelling on “legitimate rights”.

The problem with “non-lethal weapons” is that the Police will use them with little consideration because they assume they won’t kill anyone. They will also start to use them on anyone who stands up for their legitimate rights.

This is all part of the process to militarise our police in line with other EU countries. It’s no surprise that EuroPol’s logo is a flaming handgrenade.

Welcome to Fascist Britian.

[BritishSubject], Sandy

Incidentally, this is the Europol logo:

If you squint really hard, you can sort of see a boot stamping on a human face forever. But it has to be REALLY hard.