spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Shoelace and Lucy. On the untimely death of Isaac Hayes.

Isaac?
Who?
Sorry he died.
Burry him deep.
All musician need to be so done with.
Else, they erupt again to blare with their stuff to bother us all again.

Music 2 Years

I’ve been racking my brains for what this means, and can only conclude that Music 2 Years is his stage name and these are his lyrics. I imagine a balding middle-aged man with a cod Jamaican accent.

What a shame. I remember meeting him once in a burger King in Brixton about 10 years ago, he ordered a double whopper with extra fries, and a coke. Just goes to show that food will kill you, just like Elvis, except on a tread mill, and not a toilet.

Joseph Steadman, Brixton

I once met Shobna Gulati out of Dinnerladies. I mumbled something about her play being quite interesting and she said ‘thanks’. Needless to say, if she should ever die it will be down to this.

This is the beginning of the racial war in the oldest democracy in the world, America.
Miller of the Dee

You’re right. Magna carta was of course signed in Philadelphia, Charlemagne came from Chicago and Plato and Aristotle used to hang about the cafes in ancient New York.
C L, Glasgow

A whole new level of pointlessness. Thanks to the work of a bored drunkard, the Twat-O-Tron has become /dev/twat.

Before you visit this link, ask yourself a few questions. Are you wearing a Glastonbury t-shirt from the 1980s? Does it have a CAMRA badge on it? Does your belly obscure your feet? Do you ever find yourself wishing for an accepted standard concerning the range of bar snacks that MUST, MAY or SHOULD be served?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no” then don’t bother visiting this link. You won’t like it.

http://sites.google.com/site/devtwatotron/Home

I have a girlfriend.

Thanks to Hayley.

yeah so i had just woken up.
and everything was moving
i thought my washmachine was braking or somthing.
my little sister came into my room asking what was happening
i said the washmachine is braking.
my mother told her to stop being silly that it was a earthquake
loran, bilsthorpe

If someone approaches you trying to acquire film rights, hold out for a percentage of gross.

Even though I am law abiding I find that my attitude to the Police has changed over the last decade or so. I now actually avoid and fear the police in case any interaction leads them to decide that they need to sample my DNA and add it to their database. When they have your DNA it’s creepy – almost like they can read your sole.
Lisa, Manchester

If you’ve done nothing wrong then you’ve nothing to fear. Also, if you are planning on doing something wrong, just borrow someone else’s shoes, then they’ll never catch you.

Could the shooting down of a satellite lead to a space arms race?

Thanks to Tom for this first one.

Surely when a dog climbs a tree, a thing it is not endowed, another equally crazy dog will want to climb the same tree. If it was not a kind gift to humans to tear each other in space, why would other equally crazy humans imitate space shooting?
Dut Makuet Dan, Nairobi-Kenya

I don’t understand you but I think I like you. I’m thinking about dogs up trees.

USA’s war weapons on earth are fast advancing until lately years quite a slow progress.

War weapons on or in space are even slower. It looks like no one country yet to invent new defensive space war weapons to couterattact space enemies if any.

How soon can Americans live in moon as how they live on earth?

Why didn’t they try to plant more trees on moon so that trees can generate more oxigen?

hing, kuala lumpur

It’s because the whole space programme is corrupt. The manufacturers of moon-golfwear heard about the plan to plant moon-trees all over the moon-fairway and bribed NASA to accidentally “forget” to pack the moon-tree seeds.

Thanks to Tom.

‘Prank’ shows are now a very popular medium in TV entertainment. Jeremy Beadle had a small hand in that.
Rob, Northallerton

Quality.

I am devastated, I spent so many nights laughing myself to sleep thinking about his pranks, people in work have started to call me Jeremy Beadle as I tried t copy him with my japes.
Christian Dadswell, Newport

Everybody you work with hates you.

An old one: “New terror detention limits: your views”.

There’s too much hype, spin and mixed signals at the moment I can’t be certain what to make of it all..!!!! I still go to work and send my kids to school.
Ed Brown, Watford

It IS confusing but I think you’re doing the right thing. We should all carry on having normal meals and going out of the house ‘n’ that until such time as the government tells us we’re DEFINITELY GOING TO EXPLODE.

Which classic TV show should make a comeback?

I’d love to see ‘Howards Way’ return. It would be great to see the surviving characters and their offspring, plus some new, contemporary actors.
Allison Hunt

You could stick pins in your eyes as you watched it, to remind yourself that you’re not quite dead yet.

Thanks to Angel who found these two arguing in the HYS “debate” about something or other. It doesn’t much matter what it’s about really. Some awful halfwit with stringy hair will still find a way to squawk their fear all over it. They fear everything outside their own bodies. Their comfort zone ends with their greasy skin, the barrier between “all that is mine” and “all that is diffrunt and must be destroyed”.

BBC – add a “Not Recommended” button to knock that racist scum off the top of the list.
Rocky Loves Adrian, Caerphilly, United Kingdom

Well “Rocky Loves Adrian” (if that is your real name), you find yourself amongst friends here. Just don’t bother to post on HYS or you’ll end up trying to actually expand their world past the end of their noses. This is pointless unless you speak fluent histrionic and have a bag of sugar cubes to reward the braying ninnies when they get something right.

This is supposed to be ‘Have your Say.’

If you don’t like it why don’t you go and start a website called ‘Don’t let other people have their say, because you disagree with them but you can’t think of a good argument so have to resort to playground tactics such as name calling and running to teacher!’

Snappy title, don’t you think.

Clarence Threepwood, Emsworth

I really do.