spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Loz. “What is your favourite joke?”

I cannot tell you, since it is Politically-incorrect, so what’s the point in asking the question? Since my perception as to “What makes a Good Joke?” died, along with Bernard Manning, and ‘Other Politically Incorrect’ Comedians and their comedy material, so why bother asking the question in the first place?
David Mulvey, DERBYS, United Kingdom

Beats me. They might as well have asked you to describe Africa without using the phrase “dirty, uncivilised, jungle bunnies”. It’s political correctness gone mad.

What do you think about Radovan Karadzic? If you don’t know who he is, just give your general thoughts on Muslims, that’ll do.

This arrest is unfair. War is a nasty business and people get killed - including civilians. Was Winston Churchill a war criminal because of the bombing of Dresden? If you knew Balkan history you would see the war against the Bosnian Muslims was justified. The Serbs are an ancient and proud people. For centuries they lived under the appalling persecution of the Turks. Why should they have lived under Muslim rule in Bosnia again? Bosnia and Kosova will be the new beachheads of Islam in SE Europe.

[SaxonHero], Lancashire, England (not UK)

PC gone mad I tell you! Next the loony left will be claiming Hiroshima and Nakasaki were a bit excessive.

This man is only a criminal if you are a muslim or an appeaser.

To true Serbians, he was a hero.

I suggest people do some proper research into what actually happened, and why Radovan Karadzic did what he did.

Don’t trust the EU censored version of events.

Toby Johnson, Hastings, United Kingdom

“Dreadfully sorry Abdul, nobody likes being ethnically cleansed, but if we stopped just on your account, that would be appeasement, and you know where that got us with Hitler.”

ohh so this hits world news now, what about the muslim and croat war criminals why dont use put them up world wide??? put the words “HERO AND PATRIOT” next to his name!

Serb Patriot, Melbourne

You know Serb Patriot, I’d always expected you to have completely the opposite idea.

The Serbs acted with great restraint given 50 or more years of occupation of their homeland by outsiders who have now ” declared independence” from Serbia.

don caskey, New Zealand

Next time I hear someone talking about Israeli ‘restraint’ while blowing stuff up, I’ll point them in your direction. Unless they’re carrying ‘restraints’, in which case they’re probably heading your way anyway.

I could download music and and the ISP would not know as I wouldn’t be on a file sharing site, I am not going to say how it can be done but it can and you will never pick up a virus or trojan or anything dangerous by doing it. I bet this doesn’t get posted
Dean Stockton, york, United Kingdom

Thanks to Jez for this one from a thread about the “special” relationship.

The UK will need the US again when multicultural Europe fragments, becoming balkanized in the same way that Yugoslavia fragmented, and for similar reasons. We are facing a clash of ideologies in Europe (multiculturalism v the ideology of Islam), which many people believe will end in civil war, just as it did in British India and many other such places when people tried to mix the belief systems in a multicultural utopia. When will people learn the lessons of history?
English Citizen

It might be more pertinent for you to ask “Why don’t I know anything about history?”. And the answer is that your knowledge of the world is gained by staring, open-mouthed, at a 3-word headline (preferably alliterating) followed shortly by a calming picture of some tits.

Thanks to Ruaidhri.

I’m a Londoner first and English second. Being English I believe it is most impolite to speak to strangers and as a Londoner, even if I did most people in London don’t speak English. I am polite but curt if someone tries to talk to me, and if a foreigner ask directions I pretend I am not a Londoner. Thankfully this means that I can take my journey to work in peace and not be bothered with meaningless conversation.
Katie True, London

If you REALLY want people to fuck off and leave you alone, letting them get to you know you a bit might be more effective than ignoring them.

Anyone else here a fan of the brilliant Ben Goldacre? I bet this unfortunate brain-damaged woman wishes she was now. But not to fear, some people who started out brain damaged are here to challenge the notion of evidence as we know it.

Yes I detoxed about 5 yrs ago. The side effects were not good. Dizziness, headaches, blurred vision, feeling faint and weak. I had three 4 day sessions every 10 days. I lost a dress size and felt wonderful afterwards. But it is short lived and not worth the expense. Better off re-assessing your lifestyle!!

Kim, Lichfield, Staffordshire

So it’s terrible but great but terrible. Got it.

The detox industry is entirely unregulated. A lot of detoxes don’t work at all. But some certainly do. Like thousands of others I went (abroad) to a spa offering a detox regime of a week of fasting, daily colemas and at the end of the fasting a diet high on fruits and raw vegetables. It did all and more than I hoped - not only did it make me feel better than I had for years, it also broke my previously bad food addictions - tea, coffee, cola. I’ve gone back now 7 times in 5 years. If it hadn’t been very good for me I certainly wouldn’t have gone back again and again.
Bob, London UK

So you have to go abroad in order not to eat junk food? God, the planet really is fucked, isn’t it.

And yes, I looked up colema, and yes, it is just a fancy word for an enema. I don’t know about you but to my mind “a condition requiring your barking spider to be violated by a rubber hose for a week” is pretty much the exact opposite of “good health.” Doing it voluntarily for fun, now that’s fine.

I have recently returned from Thailand having done a 9 day detox diet. It was properly overseen. There was no suggestion of drinking VAST amounts of fluid. There were lots of fruit and vegetable dishes and protein drinks. Yes, it was a little rough for the first few days with headaches etc. But I felt indescribably fantastic and so much better. I lost just over half a stone - which I have kept off. My skin improved and has only now started worsening with the introduction of small amounts of sugar in my diet! At the end of the day, FAD diets don’t work. They are, in my view, dangerous and don’t teach the person to eat a proper, reasonable, balanced diet.

Sally Jenkins, Bedale, North Yorkshire

Yeah, they come off them and start eating sugar and their skin goes all wonky again. And again with flying halfway around the world to eat fruit. Or are you just too embarassed to admit you like a bit of rubber hose backdoor action in the UK?

I started a Lipotrim diet in 1997. It consisted of 3 sachets of ‘food’ mixed with water per day and plenty of water. The weight loss was amazing. The diet was given to me by private prescription and I was weighed and monitored each week. Within a few days I became constipated and was advised to drink more water. At the end of three weeks I was drinking apporx 3L of water per day. I then had an epilectic fit. The following month (by now I was on 5L of water per day and still constipated) I had a series of about 8 fits over 24 hours and was taken into hospital. I lost my memory, was unable to drive for 18 months, had difficulty in making decisions, panic attacks an inability to do everyday things like shopping, washing and looking after my two young children.

Pauline Major, Looe, UK

This is a very sad story, but did it not occur to you to maybe give the diet a break after it broke your fucking brain? Gosh, this “hitting my hand with a mallet” diet seems to be causing a large amount of tears to flow from my eyes. Shall I stop, or shall I start hitting my hand 66% faster? I mean, I need the hand and all, but this blood just goes so well with this outfit!

If someone told you to try “The Amazing Hydration Diet” what would you think? What about if your friend Jeffrey Adamson told you he was changing his name to “The Amazing Jeffrey Adamson”. Yeah. Me too.

Thanks to Jamie for pointing me at the comments for this article.

I have been on a detox diet and it was excellent. I’ve also drunk over 5 litres of water a day for a sustained period. But you are supposed to balance your water and salt intake as both are vital to health. Detox diets are powerful and need to be undertaken with care. But I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the idea that you should flush excess toxins from your system.
Robert, London

How could there be anything wrong with flushing toxins eh? They’re TOXINS. WAKE UP PEOPLE.

Having said this, the detox diet is very time consuming. You’re (literally) pissing away hours and days of your life that could be spent doing something useful like building a pyramid for travelling in time or a talisman for warding off Janet Street-Porter. Want to carry on flushing those toxins without all that time-consuming dieting and drinking? Sign up to my “Amazing 30,000 PSI Colonic Rocketwash” and flush out ALL your toxins (and probably a few other things) in just 1 minute! You might as well. It’s £9,995 a pop but if you don’t spend it with me, you’ll only end up giving it to some twat pretending to be a fucking wizard or something.

Thanks to Sally.

From a Telegraph.co.uk article, “Dumpster diving with the freegans: Why pay for food?”.

Soon we will have dumpster wars with the Mafia taking over the prime sites and the foreign illegal immigrants controlling their pitch and having the cream de la cream and leaving only rotting garbage for the Brits to pick through
jock

You paint a truly terrifying picture of the inevitable future. By the way, who is it that’s throwing away all the food that’s in the dumpsters? Hybrid gypsy-foetuses? Gigantic metal muslim robo-clerics? Our new pterodactyl overlords?

Blah blah council workers.

They deserve a pay decreace if you ask me. What good have they done in your local are recently. Cos in mine they havent done a darn thing. Our roads are never repaired, yet we are paying a stupid sum in tax towards it. We have no local facilities in our area yet are paying the council £1000s to fund these things. According to our local council a badger has more rights to live in the area than the people who pay to live here. I dont like them, get rid of the lot of them.
i should be working, Cambridge, United Kingdom

Right on. I mean, I’m not badgerist. Some of ‘em are alright. I’ll say this for the badgers, they’re very hard-working. But you can’t trust ‘em. There’s probably 15 of them living in that set. And they’re sending half the money they earn back to their family in Badgerland. Fucking badgers.

More from the thread that might as well have been titled Bulls: tell us how you really feel about red rags, an assortment of twats.

In Switzerland the Muslims are not allowed to build mosques, as they do not fit within european culture.

They are told to practise their religion in underground car-parks and disused factories.

The UK has much to learn.
Swiss Hawk, Interlaken, Switzerland

Also all that jewish gold is very un-european, that’s why they only let it congregate in their vaults. On the other hand, they let Joy Pattinson use the internet without her carer, so actually I think we’ll call that one square.

Im proud to be Scottish and British and i am getting tired of having to apologise for it, If religions want to interpret their readings then they can do and pay for it themselves. I am sick to to the back teeth of having to bow down to the Muslim faith, every other faith in Britain has to go into hiding when god forbid, the Muslims feel put upon.

Ps, i don’t have a religion, it causes more problems than it fixes.

John McGoldrick, Whitburn, United Kingdom

I stepped on a Muslim’s toe yesterday and Westminster Cathedral rolled up into a ball like a woodlouse. You should have seen it. Also, there’s no need to apologise for being Scottish. We know you can’t help it.

Why should British taxpayers foot the bill for this? In my opinion religion should be a personal choice and not the business of the state.I honestly think that this labour government has lost touch with the public.
Robert Grant, Oviedo, Spain

Well you know what they say, a prophet is never recognised until he fucks off to a different country but carries on whinging about the conditions at home.

“This stupid gay bishop situation shows that the Christians are just as intolerant as muslims.” [Peter_Sym], Nottingham 18 Jul 07:56 GMT

‘Peter_Sym’! Are you an apologist for the gays? Or gay Bishops? Or Muslims? Perhaps you’d like to be an apologist for paedophiles.

Most on the board who’re ‘anti-’ the proposal are right and for the right reasons! Learn!!
Captain In-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

‘Captain In-the-Dock’! Are you a bellend? Or a cockgobbler? Or a small bean regarder? Perhaps you’d like to know the gentle, velvety touch of a builder’s scrotum on your tongue.

Definitely not! Give my country back!
david tutt, chatham, United Kingdom

You fool! The Imams will have your hands for such insurrection! If we’re quick I can smuggle you out of Chatham but it’s such a Muslim stronghold that I think the only way we can do it is to hide you in a burkha and make a run for it while everyone’s distracted with salah. The border will be tricky but I think I know a guy who will let out one white man for every three terrorists he waves in.