spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Frankie. I like this comment. It makes you realise how hard it must be for BNP supporters who end up being inexplicably quite bright. They get good A-Levels, go to University, maybe quite a good one. They do of course, study ENGLISH, and suddenly, instead of the extreme-right circle-jerk they hung around in before, they’re in a hotbed of radical liberalism being forced to read books and think about stuff. This is how I imagine these poor smug tossers’ dreams sound after a term and a half juggling paranoid racist fantasies with literary theory lectures.

Dan Oxford wrote:
Destroy your own culture through political correctness, Frnkfurt school inspired Marxist deconstructing and undermining, along with post- colonial guilt, encourage a policy of mass immigration from areas of war and tribal violence, cover up any reference to a likely increase in crime, allow the cultural vaccuum to be filled with money, violence and sex based US ’street culture’= explosion of tribal gang violence and gang rape. I feel ‘enriched’ already…

Unfortunately Dan, I’m afraid I can only give you a C for this, as you forgot to mention Russian formalists, an influential circle of Viennese psychoanalysts or French radical lesbians.

Thanks to Richard. Sikhs, knives, brown people, shiny shiny blade turban Islam AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! By which I do of course mean “should Sikhs wear Kirpan daggers in public?”

A simple no.
How quickly we forget Dunblaine.
Think on all those that are carping on about diversity and respecting of others faiths.
I prefer the old fashioned when in Rome do as the Romans.
Lee, Hereford

Yeah well Lee, we’re not in Rome, are we? Or the first century AD. We’re in Britain, and we do things our way here. None of that do as in Rome shit. In Britain, the saying goes: “When in Hereford, speak in bollocks affected platitudes in a doomed attempt to appear profound, while forgetting pretty much everything about the actual event you’re plundering for a cheap shot of poignancy, except that it happened in a school and you didn’t like it”. You’re doing fine though. Don’t change a thing.

World gone backwards
If shiks shoul wear knives then we should wear guns like our cowboy days
Dash, London

Funny you should bring that up. My dad’s been looking into the family tree, turns out my great, great grandad used to have a cattle-ranch just near Hackney. Eventually died in a shoot-out at the Kensington and Chelsea Corral, helping the Pearly Sheriff track down a jellied-eel rustler.

Why don’t we all carry knives or daggers?
martin, loiri

I wasn’t sure whether to interpret this as sarcasm or a genuine question from a bewildered enquiring mind. So instead I’m reading it as an enthusiastic suggestion for a rainy afternoon.

The gnomes have just become aware of the shocking idea that the Falkland Islands might have real economic and political significance.

If there is oil in the Falklands Argentina is most likely to want to put in a claim. After all, they went to war over a few sheep the last time round.
Bill, Southampton

You know that bit in a sci-fi thingy where they’ve got the “knowledge of the ancients in a techno-cube” or maybe the “memories of the entire Zargoid high-council stored in a brain-laser”? Or maybe just “37 exabytes of furry pr0n”. And you know how they’re always trying to download it into someone’s head but the geezer operating the brain-laser/techno-cube is worried that “the human mind is too primitive” to cope with that much information? I reckon Bill’s family feel the same way about “The One Show”.

Do you fancy 30% more beard? How about 50% more unconditional love for people you deem to have met the necessary conditions? Are you up for loving your neighbour but think that anyone who lives further away than that can get fucked? You know, like that foreign guy two doors down who listens to weird music. You’d happily stand over him, smashing your hammer into his face again and again and again and again until he stops screaming and then you’d watch the pool of steaming blood expand around his head while the light of life fades from his horrid, savage, different face, wouldn’t you? Also, would you like to see a bit more God on the telly?

Let’s open with a bit of charming American naivety.

any one who does not believe in God should leave britain & go live under communist China.
tyson, USA

Bless.

Anyone who still thinks that Britain is a Christian nation only has to read the comments on this HYS to realise that Christianity has been marginalised to the extent that Christians must suffer hate-filled abuse on a daily basis. What’s worse is that this attitude is encouraged by the government and our national institutions. We have become a nation of small-minded, intolerant bigots, and it’s very, very sad.
Douglas Lee, London

I reckon you’re aiming too high. Let’s face it, religion is bollocks and even the Archbishop of Canterbury has the decency to look a bit embarrassed about it. If you keep aiming for “respect” you’re bound to fall short and hit “abuse”. Why not go for “pity” instead? Check out this next guy.

It’s not the amount of programming that’s an issue, it’s the quality of it. Maybe if there were some better informative programmes about religion on the television, then contributors to HYS would understand religion a bit better and would stop spouting the poorly-informed anti-religious drivel that this kind of question invariably invokes (and the BBC secretly enjoys).
[TheisticEvolutionist]

That’s how it’s done.

I can’t help but imagine this poor fucker forlornly wandering the streets, trying to spread the Word and asking people: “Have you heard Jesus’s message to all of God’s people? Oh.. you have? Um.. are you sure? Right. Um. Cos I’ve got some bang up to date stuff about bankers n that? What about the time when Jesus swept the moneylenders out of… oh… heard that one too? Hang on! Don’t worry, I’ve got, like, a whole BOOK of these! Wait a sec. There’s bound to be one you’ve not heard before… what about that bit with the meek and the inheriting n that? … Oh…. really? ALL of it? Seriously??? Wow. Um. And you don’t believe in… ? Riiiight. None of it eh? Um. You’re SURE you read the right book??? Yeah, that’s the fella. Wow. Um… OK… sorry, I’ll let you get on with your shopping then”.

Thanks to Angel for finding David Grime commenting about religion on telly.

I do wish folks would define religion correctly. Religion is man reaching up to God. Christianity is God reaching down to man through Christ. Therefore, Christianity is not a religion. Judging by some of the comments made to date it is not religion that is needed. The Nation appears to be largely ignorant of what Christianity really is. Programmes putting this right would be most welcome. Unfortunately I cannot see the main stream Churches doing it as they do not seem to know either.
David Grime, Kendal

I totally get what you mean. The mainstream churches are just, like, peddling sell-out, homogenised God-substitute to the ignorant masses. What’s the point of joining a church where you don’t get persecuted because nobody gives a fuck about it? You gotta join one of those indie, queer-basher churches and get right up in peoples faces, acting like a sanctimonious, bigoted, tightly-puckered, badly-knitted anus until they appreciate just how radical you are and start persecuting you properly. And maybe you should get an earring.

I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that the world of right-wing opinion is actually one big competition. Rod Liddle, Melanie Phillips and the angry gaggle of delingpoles that make up the Fucking Blogosphere, it’s all a race to lay down the hardest line on the most sacred PC cow. Nobody wants to be left behind in the Great Conservative Biscuit Game where the loser eats a tofu salad and has to blow a Muslim.

So what do you do when xenophobic petty nationalism goes mainstream? When the rabidly pro-multicultural BBC commissions the White series, Islingtonite haunts like Waitrose and M&S celebrate traditional English cuisine and even Labour ministers are hostile to foreigners just for arriving in Britain. Well, you could always get angry at a dead guy for writing books:

Never heard of him, never read his books. My English school gave me books by English authors to read. Theres enough Americanisation in our culture without having to inflict it on our children. Why dont we remember English authors rather than someone whose work has had little or no influence on Britains children.

[OrangeBugsy], Wiltshire, United Kingdom

It’s a nice thought, but the struggle will never be over while treacherous Communist teachers are indoctrinating our kids to read of their own accord.

Incidentally, have you ever wondered how you’d go about starting a sentence with “Would this be the same pope”? It makes for a delightful party game.

Would this be the same pope whose catholic religon King Henry VIII kicked out the country hundreds of years ago?

He has no valid opinion on anything that happens in this country. He’s an irrelevance.

Richard Hill, Birmingham, United Kingdom

When a fat man with six wives and a manky toe shows you the door, you stay shown the door. Put that in your pope-hat and smoke it, Fritz.

Thanks to Steve for finding KRGH, who I like to imagine pounding the wall with his fists, eyes streaming with tears as he desperately tries to convince himself that Manowar are 100% purest Saxon-metal man-beef and not, not, NOT gay.

KGRH
I don’t believe Gareth is gay as I don’t believe the gay bandwidth as it stands is wide enough to cover his situation.
The term gay is presumably meant to capture the general demeanor of this group which would appear to disqualify him
My guess is that Gareth has probably got some kind of related obsession associated with the furthest spectrum of homosexuality
Or maybe we need a new collective word to include him in

It’s a fair point. The little tubes that carry the broadband into your internet aren’t designed to accomodate any gays larger than Stephen Fry, and would probably split if you tried to get a full-size rugby player down them. In fact, to avoid reduced download speeds, I’d probably stick to high-camp, slimline deviants like Kenneth Williams.

Thanks to Charys.

My question is a rather simple one, which is what are the first signs of dementia?
Kevin, London

I’m willing to bet that asking Have Your Say for mental health advice is fairly high up the list.

Thanks to Rebecca for finding this Times Online thing about a gun turning up at a college in Kingston.

why does the govt send these people to university they should be conscripted into chain gangs
ptere blake

An excellent suggestion but the government are unlikely to read it as they’re far too busy sending people to university.

Oh dear. And in another part of tol, it says crime has gone down massively!!! Oh no – it’s not a crime yet because a shot hasn’t been fired in this case.
joy B

You’re probably laughing at Joy right now and thinking that she’s very, very stupid indeed. Well, think again. People laughed at Melvyn Bragg when he invented quantum mechanics. Sometimes, things we take for granted and think we understand turn out to be unimaginably strange. All her life Joy has inhabited a strangely counterintuitive world where our everyday, predictable mathematics no longer applies. She can walk into a room with 1,000 people in it and, in a universe-bending twist of statistics, the average IQ will drop from 105 down to 7 or so.

Well done to the Police and the college for handling the incident. Why wasn’t he named and pictured? We don’t want to jump to conclusions as to his race: just give us the facts.
Martin P

Political correctness gone mad! By not publishing a photo of a black man called “Abdullah Tsangarai Mbimkulu”, they’re pretty much FORCING you to jump to racist conclusions all by yourself.

Here you go, I’ve drawn you a picture of a bad man from Africa. You’re not a racist now. The picture of the black man with the gun made you sad. That’s all.

Our old friend BC/CB is back on Twitter again. This is as much as I got before I couldn’t be arsed with him clogging up my feed any more and stopped following him. It’s worth a look though. You see, while his fiction is wide-ranging and his HYS posts are limited to specific topics, on twitter, flickr and his own website, he can really get to grips with his true passion – the environment.

Remember 40 degrees.. That is what the temperature will be when you will start to think …Is there somethind awfully wrong?

I’m not sure I’m warm enough to understand what this means.

You can always keep warm, but it is very difficult to keep cool is it not? Do not think for a minute that i am a doom monger rabbiting on.

It’s very illuminating though. Cuger sounds like how climate change sceptics must imagine the rest of us think. It’s like looking in a pig-headed, gullible mirror that keeps wanting to yell at science.

At this point in my personal crusade, I must confess, I just feel, what the heck, get on with it! If it was not for my children I would…

Just let things exponentially evolve and try and survive when most of the population are dying from heat exhaustion..

Yes it is cold, but. Remember those childhood summers of blue skies, white clouds, the seaside..ect..WELL..Forget them!

Mediterranean summers, Mediterranean fruits growing in our English countryside, vineyards galore… Forget them….

Pestilence, disease, immigrants running from desolate equatorial countries, to descend upon us will be the new Garden of Eden.

Don’t believe me? Happy with your hedonistic little lives? You all have a new beginning awaiting..

See, this is really handy. I reckon if we want to win round the fucknut right to this whole “stop making the world warmer before we break it and die in a stinky frozen-methane fireball” thing, we just need to threaten them with a few boatfuls of Africans. Oh yeah, SYB shout-out coming up!

By the way. Stop slagging off my books! Especially when you have not read them (worst, have not bought one). You sycophantic blog followers!

See you next time!!

Pleasure to know you’re a fan Bruce. I’m guessing you self-googled your way here.