spEak You're bRanes

Have Your Say is changing. Again. And the natives are not happy. Change? What? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. I LIKE THINGS WHEN THEY STAY THE SAME.

They’re adding comment to the bottom of news stories. Whereas at one time you could go and read the news on the BBC website without having some foetid ballache forcing their rancid, shitty, poorly thought out opinion at you, now you won’t be able to escape depressing, awful bollocks because it’ll be right at the bottom of every depressing, awful news story. Just like the Guardian. And don’t we all just strive to have comments of Guardian quality on our news stories?

It’s just too much for some people, and the revolution has started. And what do you know, it turns out the revolution will not be televised. It’ll be taking place on the internet, where no-one can find it.

Sorry, but this will be my last post. I’m going to start my own ‘unmoderated’ forum if anyone’s interested under my other pseudonym Lewis Jones.
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

I’m up for it! Let’s go! This place is just too quiet lately, anyway. Shit, all we’ve got left in the comments is some hardcore regular visitors discussing bollocks with agoraphobic racists. We need more action. Where do I sign up?

Where please? Can we all come?
ruffled_feathers

That’s two! Remember, two’s company, three is the magic number…

What are the google keywords to find your blog?
I tried “lewis jones” “blog”, but irrelevant links showed up
Mustafa Yorumcu

Well, that’s three, but we’re shit at using the internet, or at least we’re shit at searching for what could be one of the most popular names in the English language, plus “blog”. I also tried using quotes around all my words, but for some reason a bunch of other people have the same pseudonym. More help!

Give me a chance to create the blog. And without too much advertising, join the two words together and add dot com LOL And yes, everyone can participate all I ask is that you mind your language
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

You heard it here second, folks. No, Have Your Say is not the be-all and end-all of discussion on the internet. Apparently there’s other places you can go to air your racist, borderline insane, actually insane, phenomenally stupid and utterly depressing views. And everyone can join in. Lewisjones.comlol. It’s like Martin Luther King, only the dream is a reality.

To Alex Gubbay:

Your new ‘game plan’ appears to be all about you, the Editor, the BBC. It will be boring and predictable. Editor’s Pick – who cares???

HYS was interesting and more often than not entertaining, due to poster’s views. There was ‘some’ freedom there which made it so. I will miss these posters and hope to meet up with them again perhaps at Lewis Jones. Good luck to MORERAM and others.
beammeup

You’re right. All we can do now is get over to Lewis Jones’ new ‘unmoderated’ discussion area, where the hot topic of the day is…

…the new BBC Have Your Say format.

Fuck it, wasted my time again. Sorry about that. Here’s some barking mad, borderline racist with a thinly-veiled conspiracy theory about the extinction of white British culture, followed by the tantalising possibility of a vaguely witty comment.

Lets face it BBC, you are really not interested in what people have to say, unless of course it agrees with yourselves. I subscribe to many national newspaper comment sections which are far less restricted then HYS, and at least allow people to have a view. I really do hate political correctness, and lets face it, the BBC is extremely politically correct. Being the voice of the political Liberal Left will always rule the BBC, and anyone who doesn’t agree with your views will always be excluded. It is a sad show of democracy when our national broadcasting company is so undemocratic, but unfortunately the state of our big brother society which tells all UK citizens what they should believe, how they should be anti-Christian, pro Europe, anti British culture because we MUST fit in with our immigrant population and not fly any British flags, must call Christmas, Winter Festival, must not use Christian prayer for anyone, I mean heaven help us all if we believe in God, we are considered freaks. I feel extremely sad that the BBC has become what they are today….slaves to the popular policially correct society, instead of actually having a mind of their own. Thankfully, there are still organisations out there, including many national newspapers, who still have some guts and stand up for the people
KnightShift

Yeah, thank God all you have to represent you is every single newspaper except the Guardian. Otherwise you might end up going crazy.

Thanks to Mat.

This is zrzavy.

Red meats PERMANENTLY change the DNA of the bowel. Research it!

We should only eat animals which we can kill with our hands (as our teeth witness).

Humans only eat cows and pigs because we developed tools, but they are not our natural foods and we should not eat it.

Listen to the scientists. They spend their lives researching such things. The masses rely on gut reaction.
zrzavy

Sorry, I couldn’t find a scientist. I went to the local… science park or wherever it is that you find them, but I couldn’t find a scientist for love nor money.

A single blob of human faeces smeared across a shiny glass window was a clue as to their disappearance, as were the piles of clothing in the strangely full car park. But I wasn’t to find out their true fate until I went for a walk that weekend and found a colony of scientists who’d decided to follow your infallible reasoning living in trees, eating bark, throwing their own shit at each other and tearing the throats out of squirrels with their bare teeth. The sight of Richard Dawkins wanking in a tree did faze me for a second, but then I remembered what you wrote and just, you know, joined in. My teeth were telling me it was the natural thing to do.

I’d love to write more, but this just isn’t natural behaviour for a human being. I’d rather be dying a lingering death from a sprained ankle and/or squirrel parasite.

Every wondered why people hate humanities students?

Most of us don’t really bring up what we did at university in polite conversation, because we know that lines like “Well, actually, I don’t see how you could read a book without knowing Freud” in the pub marked us out for cunts then, and that’d go quadruple now. We have to be relatively quiet about knowing this stuff.

So why do people think we’re all useless, pretentious cunts? Enter jnsteele – the kind of person who talks about what they do in class.

These hikes will only transform the academic landscape into ‘a disparative space’, if there is such a term, with only the rich and the poor being able to attend a University institution. It is thus the penalising of the middle class and a condemning of the middle/working class youth by the condem government. There is a condemnation of the youth, which reflects the British landscape; since we are currently in Britain a CONservative liberal DEMocrats NATION. I’m sure the ‘condem’ (Conversative-Lib Dem joke has already been coined elsewhere, if not I shall take some credit).

I’ve also written a short blog of my experience of the student protest at my institution at http://culturalzeitgeist.blogspot.com
jnsteele

No, there’s no such term as ‘disparative space’, and just because you’re the first one to come up with it, that doesn’t mean it’s indicative of genius or anyone wants to hear it. There wasn’t anything known as the ‘shit hedgehog’ until I ate 14 Weetabix covered with All-Bran and stuck toothpicks in the result – but that doesn’t mean my wife was happy when I gave it to her for her birthday. Not even when I told her it had a name.

I’m some kind of glutton for punishment, though, because I went to her blog and found this. It’s interesting to note that the observation of the protests and the genesis of the ‘disparative space’ theorem involved six years of university, getting pissed up before you start and being a smug cunt, albeit a smug cunt who keeps the warm, smug, superior feeling inside where it can’t get you kicked repeatedly in the tits. No actual protests involved, or indeed work, except on my part when I drilled a disparative space in the base of my skull as the only appropriate antitdote to this horseshit.

Thanks to Andrew for finding this confused helmet, who not only thinks humans don’t commit crime, but once spent twenty minutes screaming at his satnav that it was actualy left, ended up driving 15 miles perpendicular to his destination, parking in a canal, climbing out, walking half a mile to the nearest patch of nettles, throwing himself in, missing and landing in a gorse bush. He probably didn’t actually, but I still like to imagine it.

Runckle wrote:
Personnaly I think all prisoners should lose all their human rights when convicted. So, they should not have the vote. A Human right is a priviledge not a God given right. First, you have to act like a human being before you get the right!

Runckle SHUSH! You apply that kind of rule, and we’ll end up giving the vote away to the first dog that can walk on its hind legs.

Something about Facebook.

What a sad world we are becoming.

It was once thought that technology especially computers would be a slave to man, a tool to ease his burden and give him greater leisure time but it seems to me that man is becoming the slave to technoogy with people spending every spare minute glued to their computer.

If that’s living then its your choice and your welcome to it personally I would much prefer to go for walk in the country and stop and chat with people in the flesh.

Don’y get me wrong, social networking sites have their place in society and are brilliant for the less abled bodied person although experience tells me that many of the so called less abled bodied people would benefit from a walk in the country.
RonC

It was once thought that computers would be a slave to man, but since the advent of the internet they’ve actually just become a massive fucking irritant, like a horrible genetic cross between blackfly and crabs. Who would have thought how wrong we could have been, waiting for our computers to evolve into giant flying fucking cars or something and instead getting people like Ron crowded round the internet eagerly waiting to Have Their Say on a variety of stupid, banal and repetitive topics by posting stupid, banal and repetitive opinions like “Technology was supposed to be a slave to man but now we’re its slaves! It’s the Matrix all over again!” and “I don’t know who this person is!” and “Personally, I don’t watch that/listen to music/breathe through my nose, so I don’t have an opinion, but it’s all shit anyway,” and “Slow news day!” and “These cripples are all faking it. I have much experience with this because I once pitched my mother out of her wheelchair and set fire to the house, and the fire brigade still turned up. Bitch must have been swinging the lead. QED.”

Simple solution to these Facebook so-called-disableds, though. Stick pins in their legs. They’d soon walk. Right, Ron?

Right.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

A translation company advertises for Scouse and Geordie interpreters. The Daily Mail goes all weird.

Being a native of Newcastle & being quite able to speak the Queens English too, i’ll be happy to translate , post me the hourly rate..

Fusilier, Newcastle upon Tyne

Dear Fusilier,
Thank you for your interest in working for us. However, we are unfortunately unable to accept applications through newspaper comments sections. Please staple a copy of your CV to an old carrier bag and hang it in a tree. Thank you.

Leave regional accents alone! They are what gives flavor and character to a country.

tea drinker, lipton, usa

I could have sworn this was about recruiting interpreters for them rather than actually doing anything like banning them. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s the same thing. Maybe every time anything is mentioned in a newspaper, it goes illegal, and that’s how it works. I never knew. Am I reading the wrong way? I look at all the words and punctuation, in order usually, and then use their context and my existing knowledge of the English language to piece together what they mean as an ensemble. I don’t seem to be getting the right effect.

Maybe I should take a leaf out of Jane here’s book. Glance briefly at the headline, read eight words at random from the main body, roll it up, place it under my head as a pillow and close my eyes. Then whatever I dream – that’s the news.

What another waste of taxpayers money in this hard pressed times.They chose to come here either live with it or go home.

Jane, U.K

I’m now imagining Jane sitting at her desk, eating a banana, waving it at a colleague and saying through each mouthful “you know they’ve only gone and banned these now”.

Finally, a pompous pair arse of arsecheeks writes:

Sadly TV Channels – notably 5 and 4 pander to ridiculously exaggerated Geordie accents in the continuity announcers – but the truth is these people are virtually unemployable outside such niche areas or labouring. Similarly with the Glaswegian accent which is difficult to undertand at the best of times, but really dreaded by staff in English A&E Departments where combined with drunkeness it is unintelligble. I have often wondered whether school teachers in these areas have the same accent or just give up on trying to encourage the standard English learned by Germans and other Europeans which is a delight to hear.

David Bachauer, Manchester uk

How quintessential, humorous and melodious are the British regional dialects.Symphonic and poetic they are a delight to the ears. Shame on anyone who tries to denigrate them with snobbish rubbish.

Jim Calvert, Penticton, Canada

Such laughable poncy cocks, but with such fascinatingly different poncy-cock perspectives. Maybe you could settle your differences with rusty hooks? Last man sighted wins?

It’s war.

Against a backdrop of global economic instability, the Tories have seized, with crushing, dreary inevitability, upon a once-in-a-lifetime chance to absolve themselves of almost all responsibility for anything that doesn’t immediately and directly generate profit. Bravely hiding behind hyperbole, public ignorance and weak opposition, they’re cutting the state down to its free-market skeleton, and we have to put up and stop moaning because apparently we have no choice and anyway We’re All In It Together.

The humanities provide the easiest target of all. For a start, no-one likes intellectuals at the best of times. And voters are hardly going to miss something when they don’t even understand what it’s actually for, are they? Get rid.

Nevertheless, the likes of Iain Pears are still meekly paddling against the changing tide, defending such fluffy abstractions as ‘ideas’, ‘understanding’ and ‘education’.

Good luck with that. Here’s what they’re up against (thanks to Tony)…

All the humanities train people’s minds in is in reading people’s unverifiable opinions about other people’s unverifiable opinions. Billions have been wasted in educating people in non-subjects like philosophy whilst our economy is crying out for people with the real knowledge and skills that you can only get from studying the sciences.

No matter how far the cutbacks to humanities go there will never be a point at which people start complain about shortage of philosophy or media studies graduates.
AManCalledJayne

And there we go. If you can’t eat it, milk it, rub it, build with it, kill things with it or masturbate over it, then it’s essentially useless, isn’t it? I get it now, and I give in. You win. You have at last defeated me with your dull wits and depressing lack of imagination. I bow my head in deference and submit the remaining few, miserable years of my life to the dull, prosaic, colourless world in which you and your straightforward ilk will have us all live: a world unencumbered by fripperies like education for its own sake; a world without art; a world without ethics; a world bereft of empathy, passion and joy.

Cunts.

Would you eat cloned meat? Hmmm? This is a tricksy question. Very tricksy. Right up there with “I wonder what happened on Holby City last week?” and “What colour rosettes would you like us to wear while we get rich fucking you all over?”.

Fortunately, CKIGAB appears to have not only formulated a coherent question for the “Hard Problem” of meatiness (“What does the meat think?”) but also answered it.

16. At 09:40am on 26 Nov 2010, CKIGAB wrote:

yea i would eat it, its not like its been radiated or anything.

cloned meat it just 100% the same brain / it thinks the same way, & they; not like the meat has changed or any think.

that is 100% OK. as long as they get fed the same thing, its fine.

If you were to clone your self, you mussel would not change, it would be 100% the same, unless you pump weights, then it would; you would think the same way, and thats it.

Absoshittinglutely. If I cloned you and all your mussels, mixed you into some haddock, covered you in nice buttery mashed potato and then baked you for 20 minutes or so, not only would you think the same way, you’d also be very tasty indeed. Unless you pump sewage.

Women. They’re everywhere, and they have been for a very long time. Many English people are women. And a lot of them are even white. How much bile, then, could Have Your Say possibly dredge up on them?

God, what a naive question. I hate you.

Because, as we all know, there is a common thread of animosity that unites everyone misguided or ill enough to actually use – rather than laugh at or weep over – HYS, regardless of their own peculiarities. And the object of that single unifying hatred is anyone or anything which doesn’t share the subject’s own peculiarities. A virtual nation united in its divisions. It’s beautiful, really, when you think about it. Almost as beautiful as the little sick I just done on my keyboard while I was thinking about it. Almost, but not quite.

So this thread on women in politics is nothing less than a masterstroke. It truly has something to offer everyone. After all, any man can hate women, whatever his nationality, colour or creed. And for the ladies? Just pick one from the opposite end of the political spectrum and bathe in her blood.

No women Plumbers, mechanics, technicians, engineers. Where is the quota? Women don’t want to do these jobs or do they? How can women expect to lead with confidence when they are missing from a huge part of Industry
Adrian O sullivan Belgium

Big in student politics, eh? Got a bit of pull within the union, have you? Tireless activist, are we? Well, you’re not impressing Adrian. Your energy, ambition, revolutionary social policies and macroeconomic strategy won’t wash with him, not until you’ve fixed that boiler.

It depends on whether we want quality or quantity, and whether we are willing to accept a possibly larger percentage of delinquent children if mothers in general are too involved in social or political activities outside the home.
Max

This is a classic response to the feminist threat: when a member of the weaker sex displays those first ominous signs of independent thought, simply appeal to the womb-brained bint’s irrepressible nature. But who’ll look after the children? Think of the little babies!

It’s a tactic with a proud tradition. It failed in 1918, it failed in 1970 and it’s failing now.

This will most likely get moderated and yet it should be considered because it is relevant.

Consider: Female President of the USA + THREAT + PMT = Armageddon
Peter Buck

In between albums, the esteemed REM guitarist is currently exploring a parallel career as Rory McGrath.

There are simply too few Women up to the job or are simply too Female biassed to be fair. Harriet Harman – the extremely anti – anything Male MP – is ONE case in point.

I challenge the Media to hold a Survey of the Political knowledge of any ordinary Woman living in any ordinary street and publish the Results.

The only acceptable exception was Margaret Thatcher – she worked for the whole Country – NOT just Women…
Tez

Tez. Blokey blokey diamond geezer Tez. What is he? Is he a confused egalitarian? Is he a razor-sharp social satirist with a finely-honed instinct for corrosive irony? Or is he simply a pigshit-thick Sun reader waddling down a provincial high street at 1am on a Sunday morning, chilli sauce down his top, pants round his ankles, pathetically tugging at his lager-shrivelled cock?

Women in power scare me. Have you ever asked a women in power something and it seems she says no just because she can? Also, i think that the public looks to men more for their leadership. When you think of some official, what comes to mind, a woman or a man?
Locke

Say what you like about Locke – and I have: I’ve been saying he’s an embarrassment to anyone who ever owned a penis; I’ve been saying those women would have likely cauterised themselves shut before ever acceding to his grubby requests; I’ve been saying he’s a weak, whining, slimy column of trembling flesh barely fit for doner meat – say whatever you like about him, but at least he’s honest.

We end up in New Zealand for this one, just to show you that you can travel 12,000 miles but you’ll never be able to escape the stupid, the racist and the just-plain-dickheads.

Every child needs a dictionary, says a proper professor from a proper university and everything. The result is moderately predictable, but it might just make you feel slightly better about people who left the UK and claim that everyone and everything is awesome down under. Apparently it’s stuffed full of exactly the same people as the place you left. Who would have thought it?

Dave #6 Clearly you have never had to wright university essays or scientific journals or for that matter reports at all .

Stick to TV mate

Geoff #5 Spell checker on word does not teach you vocabulary , it often results in extremly poor grammer as word does not really perform grammer checks. People do a brain dump and then only look at individual words in spell check and leave it at that which often leads to extremly poor grammer

Stick to TV mate
Cam

So what kind of dump did you have to come out with that? I wouldn’t be following Cam‘s advice about sticking to TV, because I think he learned some of his spelling from Frasier. And the rest from Shortland Street.

Incidentally, what Cam should have done is lay his dump in Word first, like everyone else did. It just goes to show, you can sit a twat in front of a computer but you can’t make him think.

Splendid, another load of nonsense from an ‘educational’ professional. Never have so many few been so out of touch with so many. Since when has building vocabluary come from a dictionary….this is such nonsense. Where is his evidence, or is this something that this Professor has ‘just decided’?? For many of our children simply buying a book and a pen for school is a distant dream…(i am training to be a secondary teacher)…this guy need to get in the classroom and get real before ranting about the need for dictionaries!
Caro

Yeah, fuck it. Who needs a dictionary? And come to think of it, who needs a PhD and tenure at a university to know things? Jesus, I did two law modules in my second year of university and I get sick to fucking death of these ‘judges’ and ‘barristers’ going on and on about ‘points of law’. These ‘law professionals’ are just the same as these ‘educational professionals’ – they’re confusing ‘experience’ with common sense. So I know how Caro feels, what with that 6 months of teacher training she’s got under her belt. Still, it’s great that she seems to know that she’s not and never will be recognised as a professional in her field, or as someone who’s picked up a dictionary.

Caro didn’t fill me with confidence about the standard of teaching these days, but she did show everyone can have a positive impact on the world, no matter how difficult it is for them to grasp the simplest of concepts. Caro, for instance, got me to clean my monitor – when I first read this I swore blind her rabid flecks of spit appeared on my screen. I scrubbed and I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but I couldn’t get all the stupid out.

The literacy in this country is embarrassing , from whites also. For a first world country its extremely basic.
Engelbert

Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Still, nice to see that you recognised that white people can have literacy issues too.

It’s far too late. The human race is doomed. Children these days are semi-literate mongoloids who bludgeon the English language into submission every time they open their mouths. Incidentally, I’ve noticed their vocabulary of swear words continues to grow exponentially.
Cecil Willoughby

Oh, I don’t know. I’m getting on a bit, and I reckon I know a few more swear words than your average kid. For example, I read your comment – or the textual representation of wankcheese – and the first thing I thought was that you’re a complete and utter flange, and that I’d rather pop my own chalfonts with a rusty needle than have to consider that someone like you exists. Fortunately for me, you’re miles away and you live on an island with a massive propensity for natural disasters. If you couple that with the fact that you’re not as smart as you think, then I feel much better for the future of the human race. Except for Gwen Stefani.