spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Claire.

Here’s Richard Dawkins telling everyone why he won’t debate with cunts. Wise words. Call them a cunt and then leave off. You could learn a great deal from this man.

Here’s someone who couldn’t, largely down to the burden of converting oxygen to energy and exhaling carbon dioxide.

So, do you remember that observed phenomenon when people extrapolate their own lives into the lives of the rich, famous, well-educated or hideously busy?

Of course Dawkins is reading this Toyo06.

What do you think he is, an Olympian God?

He wrote the little diatribe, he made his splash and now he wants to see the ripples.
Nainital

Yes. Richard Dawkins has been sat there, at his computer, continually refreshing the page, waiting for your comments. That’s what he does. He just writes articles for national newspapers, and then he goes on the internet to find the article and then he sits there and continuously refreshes the page waiting to see exactly which irrelevant shitmunching tossburger he’s pissed off this time.* And then he has another wank. He does exactly what you do – notwithstanding that you’re the irrelevant shitmunching tossburger in this whole paradigm, of course, and your involvement with any online community is very much the equivalent of a five year old child pissing in the corner of the room.

Has anyone else noticed that ‘Dawkins’ spelt backwards is ‘snik wad’, eh? I think that tells us a lot.
errrrr

Tells us either that you’re just a cunt, or you’re even shit at irony. But probably the cunt thing. It’s usually the cunt thing.

*Notwithstanding this statement, Dawkins has his say here. For God’s sake, please don’t get dragged in, Richard. It’s only a matter of time before you’re sat there at 5am in your underpants arguing on Yahoo News with a man from Texas whose considered opinion is that dinosaurs still exist and now they just all have jobs in government. At the very least, it shows that even the best of us can’t get involved in any part of the internet without exercising our right to reply. And that’s also my excuse.

Blah blah riots.

Thanks to Charlie.

just inmagin if we go through a national crisis like japan or food shortages or some pandemic just like nostradamus predicted humans will eat humans if anyone disagree just look at the above footage again we are becoming animals and animals becoming more civilised cant even think what it would be like if the goverment collapsed.
monjur

Right. You watch some twats mugging a kid with a bloody face, it doesn’t take a huge leap of the imagination to see them sat naked on their haunches, cocks swinging like little aubergines, chewing greedily on that same kid’s upper arms and thighs. And oh-ho, what’s this? One of them is happily lapping up his brain, holding the head like a punch bowl. See the look on the face there: a disgusting cocktail of agony, disbelief and horror, a frozen moment, like the kind of sick fuck Halloween mask you might find hanging in a weird, UV-lit, back-street novelty shop in Blackpool.

This is what happens when you take your eye, even momentarily, off the lower orders. As Nostradamus predicted: “The hooded ghost shall shatter the invisible wall / His bounty now within his grasp / Cities shall crumble and nations collapse / At his feet, clad in boxfresh Filas.”

Only the government can prevent this nightmare from becoming reality. With shrieking, reactionary politics and the kind of iron-fisted authoritarianism Michael Howard might’ve drawn the line at, they can force the revolting peasants back down where they belong, if not further. But they can’t do it without your help.

If you donate just £5 a month, we can supply the government with water cannon, baton rounds and funds for entertaining senior representatives of the tabloid press.

Together, we can deny them a future. Together, we can drain them of hope. Together, we can gang-fuck the poor.

Thanks to Ros, who found Asquith going on about… well, I don’t know. But apparently it’s riot related.

If the army is sent in, that in itself will be a national humiliation.

Its important to remember that women (the Base Unit) are programmed to measure men by social status (Alpha, Beta, Omega), which means that men, who are little more than USB Flash Drives that are plugged into women, have no reason or purpose to live without their “functionality.”

Human Beings basically do Three Things:

1. Create
2. Fuck
3. Destroy

If a man cannot do 1 or 2, then many will turn to 3.

Don’t forget the lack of male teachers, too.Only role models for boys are thick footballers and idiot rappers.
Asquith

Oooh, I don’t know mate. I’m sure you could be a decent male role model. After all, what society really needs right now is men who can turn everything into a diatribe about their inability to form or maintain relationships with the opposite sex, taking their own failures and extrapolating them into the root cause of big, complicated issues because it’s just common sense.

Not that I’m comfortable with these dangerous assumptions, you understand. But if the cap fits – and preferably has a slogan on it about how everything is the fault of women – then, well, you should probably wear it. And then march in the street holding a big placard that says something like, “UNDERVALUED BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS” or “I AM NOT JUST A PENIS, BASE UNIT”.

You could even riot. I note that the vast majority of the rioters consisted of socially retarded single males who got sick of watching too much internet porn and making shit up, the closest they got to fucking and creating. Well, actually, I just assumed it because of the blinding glare off the surface of the pasty-white crowd when they got close to the bits of society that were burning to the ground.

Please don’t blame me for this, ladies. It’s not really my fault, this tendency to assume things. The missus unplugged me without clicking the ‘safely remove hardware’ button first.

Some of us have opinions about things like browsers. Some of us use Internet Explorer. All of us are spunking our lives away.

The interpipes briefly played host to a bit of a bukkake party last week, after reports emerged of a survey which supposedly found that the average IE user is blessed with a lower IQ than those who use Firefox, Chrome or Opera to look at tits and videos of cats in boxes.

But now we must clean up, put our trousers back on, mutter some half-hearted goodbyes and shuffle away back to our families with our eyes fixed firmly on the floor, because it turns out the whole thing was a hoax.

Look on the bright side, though – Ian’s found this wanker lingering in the basement, still trying to get hard.

I mean look, IE is the default browser on nearly all computers sold, so of course more people will use it. The higher computer literate people might switch, and are more likely to, than the average user, im afraid to say mainly women, in my experience, who just use “The internet” and hope it works. I am not saying women have lower IQ, i am not sure what the test was about exactly, but it does seem likely that the people using IE, are because they have no idea there are other browsers, or just use a computer to do internet things and nothing fancy or power user(y)
jamieostrich

You know, “The internet”. It’s the stripped-down version of the internet that comes bundled with overpriced, low-spec computers in PC World, which are sold – I’m afraid to say, though I’m going to say it anyhow, without any justification whatsoever – mainly to women.

“The internet” was developed in 2009 by Magnup Hamilto of California. While working for a popular high street ISP, Hamilto noticed that his company’s broadbands were frequently being clogged up by casual users doing frivolous things like communicating with other human beings and online banking and what have you. His answer? “The internet”, designed to draw fucken n00b5 and chicks away from the internet, freeing it up for proper users who need hella raw digital power to do hardcore high-tech shit.

Real computer guys don’t just use “The internet” and hope it works. They use the internet and hope it doesn’t work. Because real users love nothing more than wasting whole evenings configuring software just so it’ll do the job it was fucking designed to do.
Magnup Hamilto

Hamilto is now developing Internet Pro, which is a lot like the internet, except you need a £500 license to use it, plus it has a save function or something. Internet Pro will be available to super power elite users in spring 2012. Why not order your copy now?

Thanks to Neil, who pointed out John and his unique views on sex crime.

I am not a paedophile. I abhor the thought of Adults engaging in any sexual activity with minors. But I reckon that if more youngsters had a view of external Genitalia of both sexes of the human race There would be greater understanding & less sex crime.
JOHN

Here’s some advice, John: it’s been long established that starting your statement with “I am not a _____” is a dead giveaway, so if you really want to convince us all that you should be able to flash your wing dang doodle at kids, then take a tip from this chode and at least try and dress up your language a bit. Otherwise the intentions behind your reasoned argument about kids getting more involved with penises on a regular basis and there being less sex crime as a result sounds a bit… well, a bit like you’re trying to reason your way into committing a sex crime.

Prevention is better than cure, John, but your penis is neither of those things.

Big up to Simon.

About ten years ago, the only people who read The Economist were people who were willing to splash out a fiver for the privilege, and the only people who wrote to The Economist were people in business and completely batshit people who really wanted the editors to know about their latest crackpot theory on something they’d studied hard for a really long time in the previous issue of The Economist. Often they were the same people, but at least most of them weren’t published.

Now, thanks to the miracle of the technological age, we get to read them all. And thanks to the miracle of this blog, so do you – because misery loves company, and I hate everyone.

It’s interesting to note that you don’t actually have to read the article in order to get the general gist of this prick’s argument. In fact, it helps if you don’t read the article, because at least then you’ll approach it from the same perspective as he does, i.e. knowing fuck all about it.

Samkaie, say hello to the nice people.

I wonder what matters more in this, highly capitalistic society, profit or the joy of sex discrimination?

If I were an employer, I would have paid my employees based on the returns they earn for me, regardless of their sexual orientation. Heck, I would have hired a bunch of gays(I don’t mean to be offensive)if they earned me more money than any other class.

Arguing less payments, promotions based on one’s sexuality is equivalent to a baby “whining” for what it wants.
Nonetheless, courts seem to be more “tolerable and patient” than parents .

It’s obvious, women have all types of problems at work. And as the world has it, men are more productive(on average) than women.

More women are hired in the prostitution/massage/etc. industry because they’re wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more productive than men.
Men on the other hand, are hired as strategists, technicians etc., because that’s where they outdo their female counterparts.

It’s pointless to argue and “whine” about not getting paid well/etc., when you’re not doing well.
I really doubt Walmart would refuse promoting a woman who would earn the company an equivalent amount to that of 10 men collectively.

Nonetheless, after having improved women rights, they just seem to be wanting evermore.

You get treated the way you treat others, you get paid the way you earn for others.
Samkaie

Awesome. It’s good to know that Samkaie doesn’t mean to be offensive – he just is. He can’t help it, just like women can’t help being less productive and much stupider, and just like gay people can’t help being fundamentally different from ordinary, inoffensive, heterosexual people like Samkaie. But if you gays out there can take some solace from being a different class of person, then it’s that if Samkaie owned a business, he’d totally hire you if you were better than straight people. And he’d probably make you very proud of working for him, bringing visitors around the office to show everyone just how hard-working and productive all his gays are, all the time while completely failing to offend anyone because he doesn’t mean it. Hell, he’d probably put glory holes in the men’s bogs, just for you – if it’d help you be productive, that is.

Good news for women, too! Even though you may not be the genius strategists that men are, and even though you’ll never run first world economies and multi-billion dollar business interests, at least you’re great at wanking men off. That’s an area in which most men are sorely lacking in experience, so it’s good to know that as soon as your boss hears about Samkaie’s research and fires you for being lazy and having periods and vaginas and stuff like that, at least you’ll be able to get a job giving massages with happy endings.

And you’d be so productive at that, you could probably get through ten sweaty, sad losers like Samkaie in about 20 minutes.

Think of the tips, girls. Pun not intended.

Super-injunctions blah blah Imogen Thomas blah blah we’re not even sure who we’re disapproving of, to be honest blah blah oh well, here are some pictures of her arse anyway…

Thanks to Kathryn.

Surely if the ‘footballer’ thinks he was being blackmailed he should go to the police, surely if the judge thinks a crime may have been committed he should report it to the police. The judge thinks the footballer doesn’t think he was blackmailed, on what evidence does the judge think the footballer was being blackmailed or does he just think it.
kelly

Surely if ‘kelly’ thought this comment was of any use to anyone he or she should’ve gone away for a few minutes and then come back and tried reading it out loud before deleting all the words closing the browser shutting down the computer and throwing the whole fucking lot in a skip, surely if the reader thinks the comment is of any use to anyone he or she should sober up. This reader thinks kelly didn’t think at all between deciding to comment and hitting the post button, on what evidence does kelly think this wonky, half-formed skeleton of an opinion contributes anything even to what passes for debate at Mail Online or does he or she just think the internet is a big toilet built solely to receive whatever shit passes through his or her dysfunctional cognitive system at any given moment.

The Mail milks another corpse.

Thanks to Webby.

Your daughter is now with the Angels now, God bless. Personally, I think it is grotty accommodation they stayed in for their honeymoon.
Anon

Yes, but the young women behind the reception desk are sweet with huge, wary eyes.

Would you eat cloned meat? Hmmm? This is a tricksy question. Very tricksy. Right up there with “I wonder what happened on Holby City last week?” and “What colour rosettes would you like us to wear while we get rich fucking you all over?”.

Fortunately, CKIGAB appears to have not only formulated a coherent question for the “Hard Problem” of meatiness (“What does the meat think?”) but also answered it.

16. At 09:40am on 26 Nov 2010, CKIGAB wrote:

yea i would eat it, its not like its been radiated or anything.

cloned meat it just 100% the same brain / it thinks the same way, & they; not like the meat has changed or any think.

that is 100% OK. as long as they get fed the same thing, its fine.

If you were to clone your self, you mussel would not change, it would be 100% the same, unless you pump weights, then it would; you would think the same way, and thats it.

Absoshittinglutely. If I cloned you and all your mussels, mixed you into some haddock, covered you in nice buttery mashed potato and then baked you for 20 minutes or so, not only would you think the same way, you’d also be very tasty indeed. Unless you pump sewage.

Is Britain now a more equal society, asks Have Your Say. Which seems like a pretty straightforward question to me.

You have Tony to thank for this.

I don’t live there yet I can tell you my observations and I can tell you my experiences from way over here in the USA. It is a shame that even though you look into the mirror and see yourself you can make less of others. There are things I wouldn’t do to my possessions or to myself. Possessions although they are not living things according to my expenses I would not harm them. No matter the loss of my knowledge about them, if they did not behave as I would want them to I would not destroy them.

BBC I do not agree with any cultivated society that draws from it’s self the substance of others to be less than themselves because they have been taught to by their society although it was not merited, but because the individual was taught such sanction abuse.

I do not succumb to such exploitation nor do I respect any such creatures belligerent abuses. Spoiled brats it would be best to be said nice but to be honest it is a limited subspecies response’.
KingLeeRoySandersJr

I never got no degree or nothing, and I certainly never received any formal instruction in the study of philosophy. So you can imagine my near-constant bafflement whilst reading Kant’s Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals a couple of years back. Each time I thought I had some slender grasp on what the dead motherfucker was trying to tell me, I’d soon find myself having to twist round yet another convoluted network of logic pipes, only to re-emerge once more lost and empty-handed.

Trying to decipher KingLeeRoySandersJr’s jagged mentalogue is a similar experience. After several minutes of intense concentration, I think I spot a thin vein of coherence weaving in and out of the swirls and pointy bits, but then he starts talking about commanding inanimate objects to do his bidding.

Suddenly I’m back in the dark place with a sweaty, trouserless Kant. And the look in his eye suggests he’s about to act very much not according to that maxim whereby he can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.