spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Frankie. I like this comment. It makes you realise how hard it must be for BNP supporters who end up being inexplicably quite bright. They get good A-Levels, go to University, maybe quite a good one. They do of course, study ENGLISH, and suddenly, instead of the extreme-right circle-jerk they hung around in before, they’re in a hotbed of radical liberalism being forced to read books and think about stuff. This is how I imagine these poor smug tossers’ dreams sound after a term and a half juggling paranoid racist fantasies with literary theory lectures.

Dan Oxford wrote:
Destroy your own culture through political correctness, Frnkfurt school inspired Marxist deconstructing and undermining, along with post- colonial guilt, encourage a policy of mass immigration from areas of war and tribal violence, cover up any reference to a likely increase in crime, allow the cultural vaccuum to be filled with money, violence and sex based US ’street culture’= explosion of tribal gang violence and gang rape. I feel ‘enriched’ already…

Unfortunately Dan, I’m afraid I can only give you a C for this, as you forgot to mention Russian formalists, an influential circle of Viennese psychoanalysts or French radical lesbians.

Thanks to Tim. On the salaries of the stars of the BBC. One poster has managed to get his head round homosexuals not being able to reproduce, but seems to have misunderstood the term ‘clone’ and concluded that they’re all made in a big factory. Probably run by the Liberal Democrats in a field just outside San Francisco.

blastarrbxiii

And it isn’t like it’s a natural sex obsession either.
All part of the ‘drip drip’ perversity of the multi billion pound faggot industry.

I don’t think watersports get quite the audience you think, oatibix.

Snow. Thanks to Chris…

I think spring is coming.
Christine, England with a parliament rotten at the core!

Yeearh, so’s summer an’ nex’ au’errnn too! Like all the silly skytv weather cat walk forecasters you’d be saying it’s winter ‘cos t’ weather’s turn’d cold an’ if temp above 12°C you’d be saying it’s summer, an’ if nex’ day it was rainin’ you’d say ee’ bai gum ole’ win’er’s back! Put a sock into it woman just because it snows in summer somewhere sometime one day doesn’t make it winter any more than cold weather in winter justifies the dolly girl cat walk weather forecasters telling us “wintry” weather is back. Very warm sunny weather in Feb may be described as “summer” weather but for crying out loud it’s still winter until third week in March !!!
Dennis, Geneva, Switzerland

If there’s one thing Dennis hates more than women, it’s erm… No, I’m not entirely sure. Northerners, maybe..?

I’m willing to bet he also hates conversation, other people enjoying themselves, and when the dolly girl cat walk woman in the house opposite remembers to close her curtains.

Thanks to Steve for finding KRGH, who I like to imagine pounding the wall with his fists, eyes streaming with tears as he desperately tries to convince himself that Manowar are 100% purest Saxon-metal man-beef and not, not, NOT gay.

KGRH
I don’t believe Gareth is gay as I don’t believe the gay bandwidth as it stands is wide enough to cover his situation.
The term gay is presumably meant to capture the general demeanor of this group which would appear to disqualify him
My guess is that Gareth has probably got some kind of related obsession associated with the furthest spectrum of homosexuality
Or maybe we need a new collective word to include him in

It’s a fair point. The little tubes that carry the broadband into your internet aren’t designed to accomodate any gays larger than Stephen Fry, and would probably split if you tried to get a full-size rugby player down them. In fact, to avoid reduced download speeds, I’d probably stick to high-camp, slimline deviants like Kenneth Williams.

Our old friend BC/CB is back on Twitter again. This is as much as I got before I couldn’t be arsed with him clogging up my feed any more and stopped following him. It’s worth a look though. You see, while his fiction is wide-ranging and his HYS posts are limited to specific topics, on twitter, flickr and his own website, he can really get to grips with his true passion – the environment.

Remember 40 degrees.. That is what the temperature will be when you will start to think …Is there somethind awfully wrong?

I’m not sure I’m warm enough to understand what this means.

You can always keep warm, but it is very difficult to keep cool is it not? Do not think for a minute that i am a doom monger rabbiting on.

It’s very illuminating though. Cuger sounds like how climate change sceptics must imagine the rest of us think. It’s like looking in a pig-headed, gullible mirror that keeps wanting to yell at science.

At this point in my personal crusade, I must confess, I just feel, what the heck, get on with it! If it was not for my children I would…

Just let things exponentially evolve and try and survive when most of the population are dying from heat exhaustion..

Yes it is cold, but. Remember those childhood summers of blue skies, white clouds, the seaside..ect..WELL..Forget them!

Mediterranean summers, Mediterranean fruits growing in our English countryside, vineyards galore… Forget them….

Pestilence, disease, immigrants running from desolate equatorial countries, to descend upon us will be the new Garden of Eden.

Don’t believe me? Happy with your hedonistic little lives? You all have a new beginning awaiting..

See, this is really handy. I reckon if we want to win round the fucknut right to this whole “stop making the world warmer before we break it and die in a stinky frozen-methane fireball” thing, we just need to threaten them with a few boatfuls of Africans. Oh yeah, SYB shout-out coming up!

By the way. Stop slagging off my books! Especially when you have not read them (worst, have not bought one). You sycophantic blog followers!

See you next time!!

Pleasure to know you’re a fan Bruce. I’m guessing you self-googled your way here.

Thanks to my mate Nic for finding this one.

The Democratisation of Eastern Europe was part of my Peace Plan that I put to Mikhail Gorbachev in order to get the US interesed in an end to the Cold War. My Plan worked and we are still here, I find it insulting that people to this day say that it was people power that democratised Eastern Europe, I put a lot of work into my Plan.
Andrew Kadir-Buxton

Along with most of the rest of the internet, we’ve featured Kadir-Buxton before but, if you happened to miss that one, and you haven’t already encountered him yourself, you’re probably sitting there right now shaking your head and assuming that Andrew Kadir-Buxton must be taking the piss.

Rest assured, he’s not. He’s endearingly, genially mental. Completely and utterly hatstand. He believes he’s some kind of genius inventor who spends his time studying either mental illness or, for a bit of light relief, fannies. Once he’s had a good think about the subject’s fanny and/or illness, he comes up with a “solution”. The solution is always the same and involves slapping the poor fucker round the face.

I’m also fairly convinced that, whenever he’s not slapping someone or cheerily assaulting their growler, he’s watching the news and failing to distinguish between “things that happened somewhere in the world today” and “things that Andrew Kadir-Buxton accomplished today”.

What I love about him is that, unlike the rest of the miserable, turdy croutons floating in the HYS battysoup, he actually seems really happy. I guess I would be too if my entire world, replete with fannies, cancer cures and face-slapping, was rendered in glorious Dobly five-point-wonkavision.

Anyway. Make sure you’ve got a half hour spare, make yourself a cuppa or something and head over to http://www.kadir-buxton.com for a bit of whirly-brained incomprehensibasket.

WARNING: Although the “K-B Fertility Treatment” page is highly amusing in places, it’s pretty fucking hard work and gave me an awful pain in my fallopian tubes. I’ve gone cross-legged again just thinking about it.

Thanks to Duck (Scary) who was navigating the Carnival of Indignant Windy Bell-ends when he found this one. It’s about a carer (Jane Hoy) stealing money from her disabled client (Lorraine Andrews).

You are with cruel robbers on par;
Should disabled be you’re prey?
Two faced Hoy how cruel you are;
Look! your palms how mucked are they.

When high trust is reposed on you,
What made you to filch from her;
How cruel of you to bid adieu
To conscience, and become a cur.

When helpless Lorraine found you
Stealing money from her purse,
Wondered should carer pursue
Mean acts which invite curse.

But for the key witness- the CCTV,
Who could’ve controlled your spree?
- T.Nandakumar, Chennai, India, 18/1/2010 12:04

Recommended by 62 indignant windy bell-ends.

Thanks to Magnus. I’m sure you all were as shocked as I was to see the horrific images of death and destruction in Haiti; the collapsed shanty towns, a product of grinding poverty unable to withstand the awesome power of nature; the feeling of impotence in the face of such terrible suffering that we can do nothing to relieve, except dig a little into our pockets and watch the carnage unfold on our TV screens. Thank God someone has a way to apply their own skills to the situation.

Patriot8384
Figure out a way to allow me to carry my arsenal with me to Haiti and i will gladly stand over the doctors and nurses to make sure they are safe while they help as many as possible. Its so easy to sit in your nice warm house and parade around like you have an idea of what they are going through but get chased around your job by a guy with a machette or an Ak-47 and let me know how willing you will be to work overtime the next day. To anyone reading this and anyone willing to Stand by my side i say lets go and protect people so the Medical response can be swift and decisive. But i wont be a victim so i REQUIRE i be allowed to bring weapons and ammunition to do the job right. The military can only do so much. This situation needs dedicated personel just for the security of these doctors. I have all the faith in the world in the Military but i know realistically they have a job to do as well.

Dear Jim’ll,

Please can you fix it so I can shoot some black people? I have LOTS OF GUNS and I am willing to do it for charity.

Yours Sincerely,

Patriot8384

Thanks to Andrew for finding the adorable [dennisjunior1], who, unlike some, is careful to answer all the little bonus questions at the bottom clearly and concisely.

Do you buy fir or fake? [Fake]

Will you be forced to go fake? [No]

What kind of Christmas tree do you prefer? [Fake]

How important is a Christmas tree to your celebrations? [Somewhat]

Or do you have an entirely different alternative to a tree? [Yes]

=Dennis Junior=

[dennisjunior1]

WHAT? GO FAKE? NEVER! TELL ‘EM DENNIS JUNIOR! SOMEWHAT! YEAH!

How do you spend the festive season? (Exchanging gifts and enjoying each other company)

Do you love or loathe the holidays? (I have to say, I have love and loathe the holidays)

If you do not celebrate Christmas, what are your plans for the public holiday? (Rest and relaxation)

=Dennis Junior=

[dennisjunior1]

With every bizarre recluse, eccentric misanthrope and deranged wingnut on HYS claiming to represent the man on the street, Dennis Junior rather stands out as a charming everyman figure. I mean, who doesn’t love resting, relaxing, exchanging gifts and seeing friends and family over Christmas? But then on the other hand, who hasn’t also seen the downside of the season as well? Dennis Junior understands this.

Sometimes, though, his individuality shines through and you see a rather knowledgeable man with a lot to share with us. If only he could.

Who are the Africans to watch in 2010? [My favourite is: Nigeria's Central Bank governor Lamido Sanusi.]

Is that person you? [No]

Is there a young politician, economist or entrepreneur waiting for their moment of fame? [Yes, but, there are many names to list.]

-Dennis Junior

[dennisjunior1]

Don’t write him off as an automaton either, as he has some mildly radical opinions of his own to boot:

What do you think will be the big stories of 2010? {Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan among other big stories}

Do you agree with them? {Yes}

What will be the key events in 2010 for you? {South Africa and the World Cup among many others}

Which people and places will you be watching? {President Obama and the new IAEA leader among others}

Do you agree with the correspondents’ predictions for the coming year? {Yes}

=Dennis Junior=

[dennisjunior1]

Hmmm. Most of these answers are right on the money, but I’m not sure I quite concur that Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan.

Still, I’m really starting to warm to Dennis Junior. Watching him race through them in his amiable fashion really brings it home to you what totally, utterly and embarrassingly retarded questions the moderators have to come up with to keep the angry locals intellectually stimulated.

Should homosexuals face execution? {No}

Has Uganda gone too far? {Why, too far}

Should there be any level of legislation against homosexuality?
{No}

Should homosexuals be protected by legislation as they are in South Africa? {Yes}

What would be the consequences of this bill to you? {None}

=Dennis Junior=

[dennisjunior1]

Well Dennis, now we’ve got your opinion on something that doesn’t affect you, how about your opinion on something you know nothing about?

Who should be Christmas number one? [Joe]

Is it the right result? [Honestly No!]

What do you think of the Christmas number one? [Pretty OK with the result]

Do you agree that X Factor winners have dominated the charts for too long? [Honestly no...]

Or is it unfair on Joe? [Yes]

Which is the better song? [Since, I have not listen to either song~so, I can't make an inform decision]…

=Dennis Junior=

[dennisjunior1]

With my inbox always crammed with the angry, racist wank you lot kindly send in, Dennis Junior is a breath of fresh air. Though he’s inexplicably compelled to express tedious, uninformative and ignorant opinions on things that don’t concern him in the slightest, he’s at least honest about it and does it in far fewer, far lovelier words. Plus he always slightly varies his formatting, just to keep things fresh and cheerful.

I honestly really like him. I might even write to the moderators and see if they can’t reformat Have Your Say as quickfire multiple choice. He’d like that, I think.

Thanks to Megan. The Mail lays down yet another challenge to its shitting bumwank of competitively hardline morons.

Gordy makes a fuss about China but our own house is not in order, Met cops sacked useing drugs, i prison is too easy in UK ,too many top poeple got their fingers in the drug pie and eating the corruption cake.

silence is golden, DUDLEY UK

Not to mention the sly-backhander chocolate and the turning-a-blind-eye sticky toffee pudding.