spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Ben for pointing me at this thoughtful and informative analysis of the recent European elections. Do I mean thanks to Ben? Or do I mean “Christ on a bike Ben, what the fuck did I do to you?”

The BNP won seats because people are fed up with this government changing the population of this country without asking anyone. That is what ultimately has destroyed the Labour Party.
harry portsmouth

I have to admit I agree with you there. It’s so annoying when you’re sat down with a nice cup of milky tea and some marmite on toast to watch the cricket, and suddenly you’re Norwegian and can’t enjoy any of it. Bloody Marxists.

“I’m truly sickened that the BNP have now got seats. Is this what my grandad fought for?”

I am over 80 years old and it is exactly what I fought for! Well done the BNP.
Average Joe, Belfast

Auf welcher Seite?

It’s amazing how Labour politicians keep telling us we voted for the BNP because we didn’t understand its policies. NO – we voted for the BNP because we’re white, we’re native British, and we want OUR country back.
Paul

Hear that Brown? Hear that BBC? PC Brigade? This was NOT a protest vote! Paul really is JUST RACIST. So don’t you generic Islington liberals patronise him by trying to address his other, legitimate concerns.

Great news that the British National Party have won 2 seats! I backed them, as did everyone I know. And i’m not one of these working class racist ‘yobbos’ the media make the BNP out to be. Just a hard-working Englishman that cares about his country and doesn’t want it governed by Europe.

God bless democracy.
Englander, Yorkshire

That’s fine then. It’s quite alright to be that kind of racist. Just make sure your tie is straight when you assault ethnic minorities, use tasteful pastel colours to daub swastikas on Jewish graves and remember there’s an ‘h’ in “go home”. Otherwise people will think you’re some sort of ghastly plebeian Nazi who drinks red wine with fish.

Feel like stabbing a fork into your own face until the stupid goes away? Well here’s Ben’s find. Like a magic eye, it takes a few seconds for you to see it. But, unlike a magic eye, it’s actually rather clever and entertaining.

The Most Curious outcome of this Election is the proclivity of the Commentators on this fine Website for sudden and unexpected Capital Letters, that blight out Fine Nation more profoundly than beef mountain, butter curtains and other Dimensional Junk.
Henry Dechamps, Hemel Hempstead

Thanks to Phil and Rich for these.

Your Royal Highness Queen Elizibeth. As a loyal servent, I see your Parlimentarians have disgraced themselves and i would recomend they are all removed forthwith and new directions made to their succesors, clensing the filth that has gone unchecked for many years. I regret to inform you all,that its now time the monarchy impose their will on its subjects, in the best interests of the country/subjects towards the men who impose on you and made accountable for their self protected thieving actions
Spitfire Pilot, Low Over, United Kingdom

TO HRM Queen Elizabeth II

Please I beg you as a loyal subject of this once great nation please intervene on the behalf of your loyal citizens and end this era of greed and corruption. We need to be able to draw a line under this whole episode and move forward with confidence. The only way to achieve this is for you to dissolve parliament and order a full audit of the countries finances.
Its time for you to prove your un-doubted worth to the nation, be bold be strong be true to your people help us in our hour of need. If you act we will support you.

Love and Loyalty

WEP
WhiteEnglishProud

Thanks to Alex. A different Alex. On the government imprisoning kids. It’s just darky kids though, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

Isenhorn

This poem is one of the most exploited and is used whether or not it is actually suitable to the topic at hand. How about an updated version:

First they came from India
And I did not speak out
Because we owed it to the Indians

Then they came from Pakistan
And I did not speak out
Because we had alredy let the Indians in

Then they came from Somalia
And I did not speak out
Even though I wanted to

Then they came from Poland
And I did not speak out
Because I was called a racist

Then they came from everywhere
And event though I tried to speak
Nobody listened

It takes a great deal of imagination to link a poem about the Nazis to something as unrelated as race relations or political asylum. Hats off, Isenhorn. In fact, I’m so impressed, I’m going to share Martin Niemoller’s secret last verse with you, which he dictated to me from his deathbed:

Finally I got fed up with them coming for this that and the other all the time
And instead of all that crap about speaking out
I dangled my clackerbag in a deep-fat fryer
THEN they listened

A trivial platitude, I know, but perhaps there’s some guidance there somewhere.

Found this on the Telegraph website. Do you ever fantasise about power? Do you ever picture yourself as a God, life and death at your fingertips, as you pour boiling water on an anthill and then sprinkle a bounty of sugar for the lucky survivors? Do you imagine puny little beings cowering before your brutal justice, but not ants this time, not ants but human beings screaming with terrified awe? And then do you ever think that’s not nearly enough?

debunker
At the end of WW2 the A bomb was dropped on two japanese cities to avoid a land invasion that could have taken ww2 another 5 years or more and killed millions of soldiers in the process. It worked, and we never heard a peep out of the japanese ever again.

If ever there was a place in the world that deserved the same treatment it’s the middle east.

This got me thinking about what other regions of the world deserve what. I mean, who could argue that Latin America really deserved the strife, the death squads, the coups, the kidnappings and the union busting? On the other hand, Eastern Europe surely deserves a medal for the past sixty years. Should East Anglia get a bonus this quarter? What are we going to do about Belgium? And of course there’s – wait, just a second – HEY YOU! YES YOU! HORN OF AFRICA! Listen to me young lady, if you think you’re going out dressed like that. Jesus woman. Look at the state of you, your ass all hanging out. Put some clothes on it if you respect yourself! No I’m not joking. Look at my face, do I look like I’m joking? And you won’t get any pudding, Bavaria, unless you eat your vegetables.

Thanks to Michael for finding Tom mac, who manages to be both incredibly cynical and utterly incapable of thinking for himself.

If Brown claims it was a success,then it probably wasnt.

Tom mac

Academic really, but that one was about the G20 Summit. I wonder if, every time the PM says “To be honest, that one could have gone a lot better”, Tom mac goes “Now come on Gordon, don’t beat yourself up, you achieved as much as could be expected given the circumstances”.

He also has a better idea to save the world than pretending to save energy for an hour.

Under the circumstances I think it would have been more appropriate to have everyone on their knees praying for an hour.I think that would have been more beneficial than the mear act of flicking a switch.We could have prayed for the sick and dying,for the homeless and unemployed,for those suffering from cancer,for bereaved families,for world peace and for our families and friends.We of course would also pray for guidance regarding climate change.I am positive that it would be most effective.

Tom mac

God right, He puts in six solid days building this planet out of nothing – nothing! – with His own two massive Hands. And six days might not seem long to you, but it’s a thousand years to Him so you’d better be fucking grateful. Then right, He sees us jamming CO2 lolly-sticks into His divine air-conditioning system BUT He won’t give us any advice about how to stop fucking up his beloved planet unless we all ask Him simultaneously for an Hour. With friends like these, who needs Muslims eh?

Having listened to Mr Hussein Obamas speech in Turkey I no longer have any trust in him.His love of Islam sure has us all fooled about what America is trying to achieve in Afghanistan.Can we trust him to do the right thing when and if he has to confront Iran.I have suspected his credentials ever since he began his campaign to run for President,there were many stories about him that are now begining to ring true.

Tom mac

Rumbled. Just think, if he’s unscrupulous enough to dissemble his religion just so he can blow up Muslims in Pakistan instead of Iraq, he’s definitely capable of anything. Is there any force of supreme evil he won’t be in league with?

Having listened to Mr Hussein Obamas speech in Turkey I no longer have any trust in him.This lover of Islam sure has us all fooled about what America is trying to achieve in Afghanistan.Can we trust him to do the right thing with Korea,or will we find the answer by looking at the Muslim response to the Korean rocket launch?

Tom mac

Clearly not.

What can we do about Somali pirates? Remember that, due to a prolonged civil war, Somalia’s national government is essentially non-existent in any practical sense. So it can hardly say it’s too busy to tackle piracy, and is therefore actively supporting piracy by passively standing around being nothing. We clearly need to pull out the BIG guns, find LONG term solutions and take a HARD line on this, but, impotent in the face of political correctness, the spineless BBC is only letting through limp do-gooders’ suggestions to go soft on Somalians.

Hanging pirates and leaving their bodies on display in various seaway points seemed to do the trick last time we had this issue.

Tony Sweeting, Leicester, United Kingdom

DOES ANYONE HAVE A LARGER PENIS THAN TONY SWEETING?

Simple, draw a “line” in the sea and inform Somalia that ANY boat from there that crosses the line, will automatically be sunk.

Yes, this will be hard on the poor unfortunate fisherman, people of Somalia, etc. They have my full sympathy.

But we do not tolerate other states (e.g. North Korea) sponsoring terrorism or committing criminal behavior and we enforce actions/sanctions there without concern for the citizens, why should we do different for Somalia.

Michael Begley, Stockholm

Compromise might yield some short-term results Michael, but in the long term appeasement only makes us look weak.

Close their home ports. All of them. Then sink all of their vessels at sea or not.

Lou, Baltimore

Pussy.

So they’ve captured an American ship and a British ship?

Here is an idea, lets deploy a regiment of heavily armed SAS Troopers, a few dozen Royal Marine Commandos, a handful of Navy Seals and lets say an aircraft carrier, 3 dozen harriers and a nuclear submarine or two to the area.

Then, if they hijack our ships we should kill the lot of them and then pursue a policy of nuclear disarmament – by getting rid of our trident missiles by firing them at the pirate’s Somalian home ports.

Mark Randall, His own little world, United Kingdom

I know you mean well, but you can’t just mollycoddle pirates.

Thanks to Fay for finding Ian Jempson, despite attempts to silence him. Probably because he’s a “racist”:

i think you will find we are all Mixed race if you look at the gene pool from every person in the world , however religion and politics would stop me from ecouraging it, i’m english and like english things , i dont like africa as they are always fighting and for this reason alone would not want to have an african wife to produce a mixed race child.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I had an African wife once. Said she was from Bournemouth, but you know how you can’t trust them. Anyway, African she was, always on the genocide. Couldn’t stop herself. Terrible show. Mind you it’s the kids I feel sorry for. Our youngest could never decide between Brideshead Revisited and mutilating his womenfolk with a machete. Poor wee mite.

Incidentally, try imagining that post in the voice of a child. It’s adorable.

Instead of a database containing our private movements , perhaps a more effective border police force , proper imigration checks coupled with really harsh hard punishments from the courts like hanging for planting bombs would stem the flood of crime ! Lets face it we are the dumping ground for the european criminals they are here all ready

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

So what you’re saying is, we need to secure our borders to keep out the foreign criminals we’re already full of, and that the threat of death will deter bombers like the ones on 9/11 and 7/7?

Community service is flawed somewhat , i was assaulted by a person whilst being sat in a bar talking with friends , the attack was completely unprovoked he just walked up to me and punched me in the face, this was observed by a police officer in plain clothes who arrested the assailant , it came out in court this guy had previous for violence , firearms , burglary , He ended up being found guilty , his sentence was 200 hours community service !! Surely a prison sentence should have been given.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

Or a royal pardon and a packet of biscuits.

We all know the truth , Gordon Brown is as guilty as anybody in a bank for the crisis were all in now , and yes i think that jeremy clarksons remark calling mr Brown an “idiot ” was bang on . Ill be amazed if the Pro labour anti free speech agents let this post through !! The bias on here is amazing.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I have to say, I’m getting really tired of making jokes about Moderation Martyrs. Blah blah you must be so oppressed, poor whitey maley heterosexualley abley-bodiedey non-Muslimey little Englishman blah blah. It’s all because of fuck knows what conspiratorial progressive liberal ideology-cum-reactionary set of religious beliefs yadda yadda JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THE THREADS. Read the most recommended comments, and thank the bounty of Not-Allah that the people whose job it is to keep BBC Have Your Say left-leaning are only working a demeaning, low-level online-media job and not keeping a nuclear power station from exploding.

Thanks to Emma.

My husband has been trying to get into teacherrs training for 3 years now, there seems to be a brick wall at every turn, to be quite honest i think it is because they are looking for more enthnic minorities in our area rather than the educated working class white.
Rachel, Romford Essex

It’s a possibility but, if I had to guess, I’d put good money on it being down to the fact that he’s some kind of ruddy-faced, racist cunt.

Thanks to Mike. The astoundingly insightful Canuckie has finally identified who really pulls the strings, and without any help from facts, logic or evidence.

A military muslim interpretor, or translator makes the same money in one year that a contract security guard does in ten years. I think you see the incentive the military muslim interpretors, and translators have in keeping any lucrative muslim/ Christian conflict going-

canuckie

Odd. You would have thought the vastly powerful interpretation-translation complex would have more to gain from promoting jaw-jaw.

Thanks to Dan and Judith respectively for writing in about two seemingly different, equally pointless stories. Firstly an unusually decorous reaction to a disabled kids’ TV presenter on the BNP website and then the scandal over an Oxford doctoral student being quite brainy. It’s worth remembering that Blacks, Asians, homosexuals and the disabled comprise such an insignificant proportion of British society that for one to be on BBC TV naturally after little more than eighty years is statistically impossible. This is why if anyone does better than you without looking exactly like you, you can be quite sure it’s due to interfering liberals.

Sir,

If you have young children it cannot escape your notice just how blatantly the BBC constantly push and promote multiculturalism to our receptive young.

With this in mind imagine my surprise when I sat down with my Son a few evenings ago to watch some of “The Bedtime Hour” on Cbeebies only to see two white presenters, one male and one female. The huge overrepresentation of Blacks and Asians on Children’s BBC programmes is already well documented so I was even more surprised that the lack of an “ethnic” presenter was not compensated for in another way as neither of the presenters was obviously homosexual.

This evening I noticed that the female presenter only has one arm. They can’t help themselves.

Yours faithfully
J.Davis
Portsmouth

You almost pity J.Davis for a moment. After years of him and even his children being FORCED to see black people, imagine the disappointment when his dream that the BBC might once again discriminate against people he dislikes was crushed. I can just picture the fit of rage as he tore up his Official British National Party Kids’ TV Aryan Bingo card.

She’s not intelligent – she’s just good at quizzes. It’s not like she’s invented a cure for cancer or something. The whole thing was probably fixed anyway to further some PC agenda about women being clever. Get over it – it’s just the usual media nonsense.

Roger

I tossed a coin the other day. It landed on tails, an obvious fix by anti-head extremists at the BBC. It takes a lot to be stupider than a comment on the BNP website, but you, Roger, have achieved it.