spEak You're bRanes

It must be tiring, logging into Have Your Say every day and trying to somehow twist the subject round to war. Imagine that you’re very, very good at fighting and love to chat about it (not that you fight very much, you understand… in fact, you never fight, but I bet you could… well, you could if you met someone reasonably short and unarmed.. who was quite tired… and you were half a mile away with a massive gun). Imagine you know a lot about battles, can name 12 kinds of tanks and have possibly painted upwards of 1,000 miniature soldiers (in the RIGHT colours for the period!). You’re going to want to tell the world a thing or two about warships and armies aren’t you? The last thing you need is another discussion about cervical cancer, A-level results or Susan Boyle isn’t it?

Well it seems that the HYS mods have taken pity on horny young war-lovers everywhere and created a thread where they can get it all off their bravely puffed-out chests. Come on little fellas. It’s your chance to shine.

A massive expansion of our Armed forces, this will create Jobs in high tech industries, with good export potential, bring in conscription for 18 year olds, 1 years service to learn self worth, discipline and a worth while trade, be it Cook, Medical, Electronics etc.
Enough resources to allow us to engage in to Regional Wars plus enough reserves for a 3rd emergency response.
Nuclear Deterrent based on SSN’s firing Cruise Missiles, similar to the converted US Ohio Class (SSGN)
Crusader, London

You had me at “massive expansion”.

1. stop fighting America’s wars, we had no help from THEM during the Falklands conflict, why should we care about their interests.

NOT TRUE: The US supplied us with the newest version of the Sidewinder AAM (AIM-9) that gave us an edge over the Argentinian AIM-7, also an Amphibious Assault Ship was put at our disposal incase one of our Capital ships was sunk or damaged.
Iraq & Afghan are the Western Worlds wars, or do you relish the thought of becoming a Shiara muslim State.
Jake, London

Dammit Jake. I was standing proud for a moment there, surface-to air, nearly ready to fire and then you had to go and bring forruns into it. Fucker. Now I’m looking down, somewhat wistfully, at a launch site suitable for a surface-to-surface attack at best.

The people who say we should never fight abroad are viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It is an absolutely excellent policy to fight your wars on someone else’s soil. Waiting until the enemy is coming up the beaches is far far too late! We nearly got caught out that way before. Defence sometimes does mean offence. How many lives would have been saved if Hitler had been stopped sooner? It’s easy to be all touchy feely when your protected, but don’t ignore human reality or history.
[numenius], England, United Kingdom

And let’s not forget the exciting world of espionage. We need to get spies in there stealing their secret chocolate recipes before they steal ours.

‘Scrap Trident.’
Jacques Cartier

Without Trident, our country would have no deterrent against invasion or nuclear annihilation. Scrapping Trident is NOT an option.
Paul

Eggsfuckingxactly. The Channel and the army might be able to save us from frenchy fuckers like Jacques, with his “kissing” and “garlic”, but if Godzilla turns up we’re gonna need nukes.

Thanks to Rebecca for finding this Times Online thing about a gun turning up at a college in Kingston.

why does the govt send these people to university they should be conscripted into chain gangs
ptere blake

An excellent suggestion but the government are unlikely to read it as they’re far too busy sending people to university.

Oh dear. And in another part of tol, it says crime has gone down massively!!! Oh no – it’s not a crime yet because a shot hasn’t been fired in this case.
joy B

You’re probably laughing at Joy right now and thinking that she’s very, very stupid indeed. Well, think again. People laughed at Melvyn Bragg when he invented quantum mechanics. Sometimes, things we take for granted and think we understand turn out to be unimaginably strange. All her life Joy has inhabited a strangely counterintuitive world where our everyday, predictable mathematics no longer applies. She can walk into a room with 1,000 people in it and, in a universe-bending twist of statistics, the average IQ will drop from 105 down to 7 or so.

Well done to the Police and the college for handling the incident. Why wasn’t he named and pictured? We don’t want to jump to conclusions as to his race: just give us the facts.
Martin P

Political correctness gone mad! By not publishing a photo of a black man called “Abdullah Tsangarai Mbimkulu”, they’re pretty much FORCING you to jump to racist conclusions all by yourself.

Here you go, I’ve drawn you a picture of a bad man from Africa. You’re not a racist now. The picture of the black man with the gun made you sad. That’s all.

Thanks to Samantha for finding this chap, who seems a little bitter about being dumped. I reckon he should count his blessings. At least he got his winkle wet once or twice. Chances of finding anyone stupid/desperate enough to let him have another go are minimal.

Ha! There’s no such thing as equality in the UK.

Split up from your partner? Got kids? You’re the father? Sorry, you have no rights to see them. You’re the mother? Feel free to use them as a pawn.

Are you an unemployed white British male? Sorry, we can’t help. You’ll have to scrounge the bins to survive. An unemployed ethnic minority immigrant who’s never worked in this country? Here’s a house. Take all these benefits too! Is there anything else you need, Sir?
[FubarBritain]

It’s a disgrace. I was down the pub the other night, right, and I heard about this one chap, from Africa I expect, who had only applied for a library card but the council sent him a set of free ear-muffs, a year’s supply of mango chutney, half-price cinema tickets, a lifetime subscription to Grazia, a voucher for a ride on a tiger, 14 different kinds of shoe, an apache gunship full of organic cider with a personalised number plate, a technicolor dreamcoat, a life peerage, some woolly mittens knitted by Eva fucking Perón, a 3-Megawatt mining laser and docking computer, a fart-grill, three french hens and a FUCKING CLOUD IN A JAR. A REAL LIVE FUCKING FLOATY CLOUD. In a jar.

Thanks to Glenn.

I am a white, anglo-saxon MARRIED male with a white nordic wife & children – all my OWN children to my ONE wife, each fluent in 3 languages (English being the first & foremost), all educated, qualified, employed, & paying tax.

We are now the minority and are disadvantaged courtesy of this Gov and their regressive social engineering.

If we took our case to court we’d be laughed at! When can I get my grant? Are we supposed to accept racial, class, caste & religious slurs without recourse?

[Fly_n_finn]

Oh come now [Fly_n_finn]. You don’t have to go all the way to court to be laughed at.

Thanks to Magnus. I’m sure you all were as shocked as I was to see the horrific images of death and destruction in Haiti; the collapsed shanty towns, a product of grinding poverty unable to withstand the awesome power of nature; the feeling of impotence in the face of such terrible suffering that we can do nothing to relieve, except dig a little into our pockets and watch the carnage unfold on our TV screens. Thank God someone has a way to apply their own skills to the situation.

Patriot8384
Figure out a way to allow me to carry my arsenal with me to Haiti and i will gladly stand over the doctors and nurses to make sure they are safe while they help as many as possible. Its so easy to sit in your nice warm house and parade around like you have an idea of what they are going through but get chased around your job by a guy with a machette or an Ak-47 and let me know how willing you will be to work overtime the next day. To anyone reading this and anyone willing to Stand by my side i say lets go and protect people so the Medical response can be swift and decisive. But i wont be a victim so i REQUIRE i be allowed to bring weapons and ammunition to do the job right. The military can only do so much. This situation needs dedicated personel just for the security of these doctors. I have all the faith in the world in the Military but i know realistically they have a job to do as well.

Dear Jim’ll,

Please can you fix it so I can shoot some black people? I have LOTS OF GUNS and I am willing to do it for charity.

Yours Sincerely,

Patriot8384

Old one from “Is Pakistan losing control?”

Yes I am, and said as much on this recycled question nearly a year ago, on a now disappeared(along with my many other posts) post. However Pakistan is losing the plot and the concerted efforts of the militants is bearing fruit. Noone even in the west is taking world terrorision seriously, more resources to combat this evil is needed along with long term plans to counter theirs. We will Know all about it if Pakistan falls to these people with their brand of religious fervour going nuclear.
Ron C, Northwest, United Kingdom

Your HYS opinions have disappeared?? Tell me you kept copies Ron??? TELL ME YOU KEPT COPIES??? RON?????

Thanks to Void for these submissions from the gobshite goldmine. What I found interesting about these three is that they’ve all decided how everything should be run to fit their petty preferences and personal prejudices, and just want a chance to test them out on a plane. For example, Sven Goonson would like Gordon Brown to stop being such a Nazi and do some proper racism.

Oh for god’s sake, what a typical BBC discussion – the answer is obviously no. I suppose the Beeb doesn’t have to suffer the turmoil that us silent majority have to face waiting hours on end in airports packed like sardine cans.

All we need is racial profiling to keep an eye on the people that are most likely to be terrorists, though I suppose Führer Brown wouldn’t dream of being oh so un-PC.

I heard that they even check people in wheelchairs at security. Utter farce.

Sven Goonson, ZaNuLab free zone, United Kingdom

Meanwhile George has a more difficult conundrum: he needs to come up with a way to prevent bombings, but all he can ever think of is bombs.

No. the problem is th US is a wimp now. If a terrorist blows a bomb up in Iraq, we should carpet bomb that neighborhood. that sends the message to the local people to stop terrorists or their block will be destroyed. It a terrorist attempts or succeds in using a bomb on a plane, no more flights in or out of that country for 10 years to the US.
BUt I am sure Obama thinks that is “cruel”.

George, Stuart

It’s harsh, but what patriotic British terrorist would ever risk such consequences?

At least Paul here has a less genocidal axe to grind, and I think we should be kind and take him at his word and assume he’s NOT RACIST IN THE SLIGHTEST and ONLY hates Pakis for their funny names.

I’m sorry , but people with long names ,double barreled or just plain time wastingly long should have to pass through a special desk for checking .Can i say this without being accused of sounding racist (which i’m not), he wasn’t called Jim Smith was he ? I have to spell out even my common name quite often…how long it must take some people to have their names checked i dread to think.. (if indeed they are) Strip search with light refreshments provided is the only way!

PAUL WILLIAMS, MANCHESTER, United Kingdom

Of course, there’s an ulterior motive at work here. For all his feigned concern, Paul really just wants to get anally fingered then given tea and biscuits.

I found Davidethics, the most pompously petulant bumgrape I’ve seen for quite a while. David is quite sure that he is very, very clever.

First off, I’ve collected a few of his “moderation martyr” sign-offs. He not only believes that HYS is important enough that people are trying to censor it to stop the truth getting out but that he, in particular, is one of the brave voices of dissent that they are so desperate to silence. This kind of tinpot mentalism is the essence of all the good comments. Sure, there’s endless stupidity and racism on there, but it’s the ones that really believe HYS is important that make us giggle. This is just the tip of the iceberg:

And I wish I could speak my mind on HYS on this important matter. It is like the 1930s.
So go on. Reject this.

OK. Now reject this.

For goodness sake – you cannot reject this comment.

Dear moderators – ask your bosses if they will allow you to publish this note mentioning the dolphin cull: it is an envrionmental matter.

I guess this comment will not get past the moderators. But I don’t care

Are we allowed to criticise developers on HYS? Maybe just put this comment at the end of the moderation queue eh.

Moderators have no fear I make no comment on religion; your relativism is safe.

I expect David wrote to “Jim’ll Fix It” every fucking week and only a BBC/Soviet plot prevented him from getting to meet Sebastian Coe. And don’t get him started on the national fucking lottery. Stands to reason he should have won by now if it wasn’t rigged.

I came from a poor area but went to a grammar school where the teachers laughed at our working class accents. We were taught how Britain ruled the world and how the empire would last forever, that black children were piccanninies, and that we were heading for a new ice age. We were told that everything to do with America was common and brash, and that science was for boys and literature for girls. I truanted until I was old enough to be expelled. Took A levels part time, got a first and a Phd.
[Davidethics]

You’re probably beginning to get a sense of just how clever he is and I expect you are now keen to see this great public intellectual enter the theatre of HYS debate, illuminating truth and laying waste to myth. A bit like Gandalf at the battle of Helm’s Deep.

I disagree with capital punishment. But taking the cultural relativist position which is dominant in the UK – and here on HYS -the Chinese were absolutely right to execute him, for whatever reason and for whatever standard of proof is relative to their culture.
It is pointless for politicians and the media to complain. If multiculturalism is acceptable then anyone can do what they like -anywhere – with our citizens.
Meanwhile – some of us believe in universal values.But not on BBC forums.
[Davidethics]

Woah David, slow down fella! Multiculturalism? Cultural relativisim? Universal values? This is heady stuff. But you can’t just go chucking all that shit in and expect us all to understand. Perhaps you need to go back a few steps and explain? If we’re to reject this cultural relativism thingy and work towards a set of universal values, at last uniting the planet in justice and peace, how should we go about it?

As the war on terror is likely to continue for many years we should take a long term view. Look into the possible introduction of separate air transport for certain groups of people, as identified by their passports. To save naming any ethnic group let us, for example, have separate air transport for the people of Wonderland whose deity is the Wizard.. They could have wonderland pilots too, and have wonderland insurance rates.And the rest of us would not require such stringnent controls.
[Davidethics]

Gotcha. We need to ban Pakis.

HYS is hardly populated by the brightest of sparks. If your every waking moment is haunted by the repetitive wheezing sound of your punctured ego asking “what about meeeee???”, what the greasy fuck is the point of whining about it to a bunch of similarly self-absorbed underachievers who are all thinking exactly the same thing? It’s like an everlasting AA meeting where everyone takes their turn to stand up and say “Hi, my name’s Balthazar and I’m an…” only to be interrupted by the next person along saying “Whatever. My name’s Methuselah and…” and so on. Forever. Happy Christmas HYS.

But even by HYS standards, Vincent Van Dict is awesomely stupid. I nearly had to add an extra category for him.

Should airport security get tougher?

No it should not get tighter.

All that is required is to ban ALL muslims from planes, its as simple as that. No muslims on planes means no bombs on planes simple.
Vincent Van Dict, Revolution city

They could get rid of all that complicated x-ray shit and just ask everyone to tick a box that says “I ♥ pork”.

Might be worth adding an “I promise not to blow the plane up” tickbox as well, just to catch the occasional non-Muslim terrorist.

Thanks to Patrick for the only HYS post in history willing to give a tea-leaf the benefit of the doubt:

How is this different to people removing metal plaques from war memorials or lead off church roofs? It may not be sold as a sign, but with metal prices as high as they are it could already be melted down and reused. As a sign it may have sentimental meaning, but it could just be an act of theft, not “a declaration of war” against the Jewish state.

Phil, London, UK

While we’re at it, why are we so sure that Auschwitz was a death camp? Maybe it was just a very poorly-run Butlins with a central heating system that wasn’t CORGI-approved. But you could get away with that before Health And Safety went mad with political correctness.

In the interest of balance, Sarah has found someone who’s perfectly happy to leap to conclusions about the thieves:

Disgusting ,and it seems with all the immigrants being let into Europe from elsewhere, as well as home grown thieves, this is what we can expected now. In the UK our Labour Government is sooooo dumb that they emply ILLEGAL immigrants as security guards. That is how dumb and incompetent the Labour Govt is.

Kia Fosdter

Kia Fosdter is Professor Emeritus of Common Sense at the University of Well It Stands To Reason Doesn’t It I Mean Are You Blind Or What. You can challenge her for tenure but unless you have a PhD in Only Saying What Everyone’s Thinking I wouldn’t rate your chances.