spEak You're bRanes

Will faith influence your vote? As usual, a couple of tedious cockwipes took this to mean ‘What’s your least favourite foreigner?’, grinning proudly to themselves at how cleverly they’d linked it to the real title.

john wrote:
my faith as been destroyed when it is hard to hear english in my city

warriorsottovoce wrote:
All He asks for is for us to believe in Him and all will be OK. Sorry Gordon, it’s not going to work this time. After 13 years of Labour it would be like asking a Scotsman to pass through the eye of a needle before he could get into Parliament

Which I’m not even going to dignify with a put-down. Mostly though, it was an unbearably smug battle between the unbearably smug god-botherers and the unbearably smug god-botherer-botherers.

Megan wrote:
As a Christian EVERYTHING I do is informed by my faith. My choice when I come to cast my vote is no different… but it isn’t based on trivia like whether or not my chosen candidate happens to hold any faith, let alone the same one. It’s based on the policies for which he or she stands and how well they accord with what I think Jesus would want.

Poster seen in a church doing duty as a polling station: “You have come to mark your X – remember the one who died on a + for your salvation, and consider what He would have us do.”

Good idea. I’ll start praying for guidance on the common market and effective fiscal policy. It’ll give me the edge over those ghastly, self-righteous atheists, who can just change their entire philosophy at the drop of a hat.

Peter wrote:
I learned a new word yesterday – Laicism: ‘the nonclerical, or secular, control of political and social institutions in a society’. As a Laicist I will be looking for leaders who actively deny the role of religion in government and will be ignoring any desperate enough to involve the mystical, spiritual and utterly intangible in their political pitch.

Someone desperately needs to teach Peter the word ‘onanism’ the day before a job interview.

Normally, after reading a dozen sanctimonious, cocksure atheists whining about how definitely right they are and how stupid everyone else is, I’m usually all but ready to side with the Christians, who generally seem dimly aware that they believe some astonishingly implausible stuff. But you can’t ever generalise about these things:

John McCormick wrote:
Hello, #21,
You make your point forcibly but foolishly.
You seem to be saying that belief in a faith requires no empirical evidence.
In return, I would argue that maintaining an atheist or agnostic position is illustrative of mental blindness on a (literally) cosmic scale.
To disbelieve in God, you have to believe some really improbable “facts”:

1) That the universe came into existence without help. Whether you go for 10 dimensions, or whatever scientific mumbo-jumbo holds your attention for now, ultimately you have to believe that something can pop into existence where once there was nothing. Sorry, but I don’t believe in magic – obviously you do.
2) That matter can become animate without help. Please refer to a wonderful chapter in Bill Bryson’s Short History of Everything in which he describes the mechanism that would be required to achieve this for 1 protein molecule. The odds against this 1 molecule are so high that there simply has not been enough time (even 20 billion years) for this to happen by accident.

There have been some really wonderful theories promulgated by scientists through the ages to explain the universe (And the daft ones believed by the church were non-biblical, too) – such as the universe being eternal and the earth being in the middle. And lets not forget the search for luminiferous ether while we’re at it. Reminds me of the search for dark matter (When all you need to do is un-apply the laws of thermodynamics for a little; while the universe is being created).

As far as I can see, atheists are not faithless – they believe in some really amazing impossibilities!

Yeah, like magic. Magic! Can you imagine? And it’s a slippery slope too. Start off believing in magic, next thing you know, you’re believing in some gigantic old man who has all the magic in the universe and sends it to smite the bummers.

They’re changing the rules of Scrabble.

Fucking hell. NO! NOT SCRABBLE! RUN FOR THE HILLS! SAVE YOURSELVES! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST! Quickly followed by a bunch of puffy knobheads.

Yet another example of: (chose at least one from list below)
-Political Correctness gone mad
-Broken Britain
-Falling education standards
Fade ‘n’ Die (No Relation to Shake ‘n’ Vac)

You forgot “You couldn’t make it up”, “All the more reason to vote BNP” and “Mattel is an American company.” Never mind though, at least you’re still resolutely Anglo-centric, like Miss Terri Poster:

In my household, the word MATTEL will not be allowed in any game.

It would never have happened when J W SPEAR & SONS PLC was [English] guardian of the game…
Miss Terri Poster

Absolutely. Those were the days, eh? Those halcyon days of yore, when men were men and women were women, when gay meant happy and you could rape your wife. Ah, yes, back in the 50s, when being English was a state of mind and it didn’t matter if you were a German-American Jew – you could still be English, too! Well, it’s either that lovely multicultural vision of inclusivity, or we have to face the prospect that Miss Terri Poster is just a puffed-up fartbubble who’s just all too ready to blurt out crap on the basis of “it stands to reason” and “common sense”. And like changing the Scrabble rules, I’m just not ready to accept that.

I don’t think Miss Terri Poster should worry – after all, she’ll still be able to rigidly control what words her children put down, while insisting that strict adherence to the rules is “all part of the fun”. And she’ll still be able to “accidentally” knock the board and ruin the game when someone gets a triple word score with a Z. After all, that stuff isn’t in the rules, but it’s in the English spirit of things – just like storming out in a huff when your eleven year old finds jobation in the OED after you’ve sat there for five minutes blocking dictionary access while insisting that’s not possibly a word, lamenting the standards of education in today’s society and how all these exams are just getting easier, and what exactly do you learn in Gordon Brown’s education system, how to cheat your way through your exams…

Well, at least no-one could divert a discussion on Scrabble to suggest that Islam is going to rise up and take over the world, and do it in a manner that barely conceals the author’s petulant racism.

The makers of the game should ban the word pachyderm as it contains the prefix “pachy” which is insulting to our beloved masters in the new mother country.
varnayfan

Oh.

Thanks to Steve for further destroying my faith in humanity.

Should the police scrap stop and search? The Equality Commission, bless them, has said that black and Asian men are being unfairly targeted, and that it doesn’t work to prevent crime anyway. What do the great British public think?

this ‘commission’ is talking out of its behind. because all Asians and black people have to do is call the race card police refuse to deal with them
Kaiskune

As a stinking forrin’ myself, I was wondering exactly what the race card was and how, exactly, it should be called upon. After failed experimentation with my half of the Power Sword and the cat, and after I inadvertently raised Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living with my ouija board, I decided to look into it using facts and shit. And some posts from HYS, because apparently they’re the same thing.

It’s for the common good, because these race cards sound handy – they appear to have the power to get the police to leave you alone, but apparently aren’t magic at all. Mysterious. Fortunately, No Victim No Crime is here to clear things up a bit:

I carry a card with this on it everywhere i go just in case..

STOP AND SEARCH CARD
I pledge to waste your time if you decide to waste mine
Let your legal representatives know your wishes and keep this card with you at all times
In the event of a stop and search being intrusive, unlawful or malicious I pledge to issue a formal complaint to the relevant Police Professional Standards Department.
As these complaints are investigated by fellow police officers redress is unlikely to be forthcoming. I therefore pledge to pursue the issue through the IPCC and if the situation permits to issue civil proceedings against the chief constable or commissioner of the relevant police force, seeking an admission of liability and damages.
Regardless of the outcome, you will have your time wasted for wasting mine.
No Victim No Crime

Ah, so it’s literally a card – like Monopoly, right? Get out of jail free? Community chest? Have I won £100 in a beauty contest? Please say it’s so! I want to be pretty and rich.

Unfortunately, the Monopoly idea was wishful thinking on my part, and I can’t actually buy fags with this green £20 note. On the bright side, I don’t smoke.

The equality watchdog creates more social tension than any amount of stop and searches could ever do. The police stop and search those that they deem fit to stop and search. Some races simply like to complain, blacks and asians are some of them. When are they going to stop playing the race card.
Wiggles Bottomley

Ohhhhhhh… we play the race card. Top Trumps, right? Black beats police. Funny that – I always thought it was the other way around.

And trust the blacks and the asians to take a perverse delight in complaining. You’re not supposed to fucking enjoy it. It’s the white man’s burden and you’re supposed to do it through clenched teeth, while ramming a toby jug full of angry (British) bees up your poop-flue.

I don’t think there should be arbitrary stop & search powers at all.

The racism card is just a red herring. The whole concept of just being able to randomly stop & search someone without a good cause just looks like a police state.
Paul

Ah, shit. Now it’s a fish.

You know, Paul, I somehow don’t think that they’re randomly stopping people – not even the card-carrying racists, or whoever the fuck carries the race card (fishmongers presumably?). I think, right – and just go with me for a second here – I’m guessing, right, that the stops aren’t random at all. The stops are, in fact, targeting those people most likely to enjoy a nice game of Top Trumps – the coloureds.

I say coloureds. I mean criminals. Right, Luke?

Statistically, young, black or Asian males are more likely to commit crime, stopping and searching them due to the statistical probability that they are more likely to be in possession of illegal items is not racism, it’s common sense.
Luke

Right.

The BBC has asked “What sequel would you like to write?” and, as usual when books are mentioned, the gnomes have largely misheard this as “What’s that book you heard of on here once that you think might be all about how New Labour are radical socialists and about how that’s, like, really, really bad? Something by Orwell? Nineteen-eighty-farm was it?“.

It’s not all bad though. Thanks to Tony and Stephen for finding some proper intellectuals on there.

My sequel would be 2084 the sequel to Orwell’s 1984. In 2084 The party would be replaced by The Council of Imams – for England is now an Islamic state and its government is a tyrannical theocracy. Orwell’s proles are replaced by us infidels, and the hero of the original would be replaced by Gemma Smith a women in her early 30s who tries to rebel against the suffocating life imposed on her by the Councils strict application of Sharia law.
I might even have a stab at really writing this.
Chazz Trinder

It’s such a great idea that I’m surprised nobody thought of it 25 years ago, wrote the book, and then won loads of awards. But why “Gemma”? I reckon, if you’re going to use her as a transparent space where you can put a “Vote BNP” sticker, you should call her:
Ofsomedickwhoshouldmaybereadacouplemorebooksbeforeattemptingtowriteone.

Not so much a sequel, but a spiritual successor to Martin Amis’s ‘Time’s Arrow’. It was a World War II story told in reverse. If he was up for it, I’d love to see him attempt it once more.
BulletMonkey

It could start off with everyone saying “Yeah, it’s not very good is it?”. Then he could slowly erase everything he’s written, word by word, until he only has good books left and everyone notices he’s stopped being a racist.

Thanks to Frankie. I like this comment. It makes you realise how hard it must be for BNP supporters who end up being inexplicably quite bright. They get good A-Levels, go to University, maybe quite a good one. They do of course, study ENGLISH, and suddenly, instead of the extreme-right circle-jerk they hung around in before, they’re in a hotbed of radical liberalism being forced to read books and think about stuff. This is how I imagine these poor smug tossers’ dreams sound after a term and a half juggling paranoid racist fantasies with literary theory lectures.

Dan Oxford wrote:
Destroy your own culture through political correctness, Frnkfurt school inspired Marxist deconstructing and undermining, along with post- colonial guilt, encourage a policy of mass immigration from areas of war and tribal violence, cover up any reference to a likely increase in crime, allow the cultural vaccuum to be filled with money, violence and sex based US ‘street culture’= explosion of tribal gang violence and gang rape. I feel ‘enriched’ already…

Unfortunately Dan, I’m afraid I can only give you a C for this, as you forgot to mention Russian formalists, an influential circle of Viennese psychoanalysts or French radical lesbians.

As a white male, I’ve often thought, “why isn’t there more stuff for me?” You just have to walk around town – well, admittedly you have to walk quite a long way from the bit where I live, where all the curry restaurant owners have the good grace not to go outdoors in the daylight hours – to see signs proclaiming “Diwali” and “Eid” with no consideration whatsoever for the western English speaker who might not know what they are and therefore be offended by them. Similarly, as soon as you go out and buy a digital radio, scroll through the 40-odd inoffensive housewife music and sports commentary stations, and find the BBC Asian Network there, you’re assaulted by “bang-rah” music and people discussing issues that I could only care about if I wasn’t white. For now, at least.

There has NEVER been a good reason for ever having an Asian Network paid for by the TV licence payer.

An ‘Anglo Saxon’ radio station would never be tolerated, neither would a ‘White British’ channel be tolerated by the powers that be. And for goodness sake, even England doesn’t merit a radio channel of its own although Wales, Scotland and NI do! So why on earth the Asian community should be so specially treated is a mystery.

Or is it?

- Alan, Bewdley, Worcs

And you know, as a White British (not in Wales, Scotland or NI) myself I find his logic hard to escape. I can’t have a channel tailored to my interests – I mean, what kind of channel would show endless repeats of Top Gear and QI – so no-one should get a channel tailored to their interests. The BBC should identify the Average Licence Payer – Middle-Aged, About 5′ 7″, No Non-White Genes At All, Lives In Bewdley, Worcs – and make only television and radio for that person. But you can’t say that without a bunch of PC drones accusing you of being some kind of selfish white imperialist bastard.

It must be tiring, logging into Have Your Say every day and trying to somehow twist the subject round to war. Imagine that you’re very, very good at fighting and love to chat about it (not that you fight very much, you understand… in fact, you never fight, but I bet you could… well, you could if you met someone reasonably short and unarmed.. who was quite tired… and you were half a mile away with a massive gun). Imagine you know a lot about battles, can name 12 kinds of tanks and have possibly painted upwards of 1,000 miniature soldiers (in the RIGHT colours for the period!). You’re going to want to tell the world a thing or two about warships and armies aren’t you? The last thing you need is another discussion about cervical cancer, A-level results or Susan Boyle isn’t it?

Well it seems that the HYS mods have taken pity on horny young war-lovers everywhere and created a thread where they can get it all off their bravely puffed-out chests. Come on little fellas. It’s your chance to shine.

A massive expansion of our Armed forces, this will create Jobs in high tech industries, with good export potential, bring in conscription for 18 year olds, 1 years service to learn self worth, discipline and a worth while trade, be it Cook, Medical, Electronics etc.
Enough resources to allow us to engage in to Regional Wars plus enough reserves for a 3rd emergency response.
Nuclear Deterrent based on SSN’s firing Cruise Missiles, similar to the converted US Ohio Class (SSGN)
Crusader, London

You had me at “massive expansion”.

1. stop fighting America’s wars, we had no help from THEM during the Falklands conflict, why should we care about their interests.

NOT TRUE: The US supplied us with the newest version of the Sidewinder AAM (AIM-9) that gave us an edge over the Argentinian AIM-7, also an Amphibious Assault Ship was put at our disposal incase one of our Capital ships was sunk or damaged.
Iraq & Afghan are the Western Worlds wars, or do you relish the thought of becoming a Shiara muslim State.
Jake, London

Dammit Jake. I was standing proud for a moment there, surface-to air, nearly ready to fire and then you had to go and bring forruns into it. Fucker. Now I’m looking down, somewhat wistfully, at a launch site suitable for a surface-to-surface attack at best.

The people who say we should never fight abroad are viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It is an absolutely excellent policy to fight your wars on someone else’s soil. Waiting until the enemy is coming up the beaches is far far too late! We nearly got caught out that way before. Defence sometimes does mean offence. How many lives would have been saved if Hitler had been stopped sooner? It’s easy to be all touchy feely when your protected, but don’t ignore human reality or history.
[numenius], England, United Kingdom

And let’s not forget the exciting world of espionage. We need to get spies in there stealing their secret chocolate recipes before they steal ours.

‘Scrap Trident.’
Jacques Cartier

Without Trident, our country would have no deterrent against invasion or nuclear annihilation. Scrapping Trident is NOT an option.
Paul

Eggsfuckingxactly. The Channel and the army might be able to save us from frenchy fuckers like Jacques, with his “kissing” and “garlic”, but if Godzilla turns up we’re gonna need nukes.

Thanks to Rebecca for finding this Times Online thing about a gun turning up at a college in Kingston.

why does the govt send these people to university they should be conscripted into chain gangs
ptere blake

An excellent suggestion but the government are unlikely to read it as they’re far too busy sending people to university.

Oh dear. And in another part of tol, it says crime has gone down massively!!! Oh no – it’s not a crime yet because a shot hasn’t been fired in this case.
joy B

You’re probably laughing at Joy right now and thinking that she’s very, very stupid indeed. Well, think again. People laughed at Melvyn Bragg when he invented quantum mechanics. Sometimes, things we take for granted and think we understand turn out to be unimaginably strange. All her life Joy has inhabited a strangely counterintuitive world where our everyday, predictable mathematics no longer applies. She can walk into a room with 1,000 people in it and, in a universe-bending twist of statistics, the average IQ will drop from 105 down to 7 or so.

Well done to the Police and the college for handling the incident. Why wasn’t he named and pictured? We don’t want to jump to conclusions as to his race: just give us the facts.
Martin P

Political correctness gone mad! By not publishing a photo of a black man called “Abdullah Tsangarai Mbimkulu”, they’re pretty much FORCING you to jump to racist conclusions all by yourself.

Here you go, I’ve drawn you a picture of a bad man from Africa. You’re not a racist now. The picture of the black man with the gun made you sad. That’s all.

Thanks to Samantha for finding this chap, who seems a little bitter about being dumped. I reckon he should count his blessings. At least he got his winkle wet once or twice. Chances of finding anyone stupid/desperate enough to let him have another go are minimal.

Ha! There’s no such thing as equality in the UK.

Split up from your partner? Got kids? You’re the father? Sorry, you have no rights to see them. You’re the mother? Feel free to use them as a pawn.

Are you an unemployed white British male? Sorry, we can’t help. You’ll have to scrounge the bins to survive. An unemployed ethnic minority immigrant who’s never worked in this country? Here’s a house. Take all these benefits too! Is there anything else you need, Sir?
[FubarBritain]

It’s a disgrace. I was down the pub the other night, right, and I heard about this one chap, from Africa I expect, who had only applied for a library card but the council sent him a set of free ear-muffs, a year’s supply of mango chutney, half-price cinema tickets, a lifetime subscription to Grazia, a voucher for a ride on a tiger, 14 different kinds of shoe, an apache gunship full of organic cider with a personalised number plate, a technicolor dreamcoat, a life peerage, some woolly mittens knitted by Eva fucking Perón, a 3-Megawatt mining laser and docking computer, a fart-grill, three french hens and a FUCKING CLOUD IN A JAR. A REAL LIVE FUCKING FLOATY CLOUD. In a jar.

Thanks to Glenn.

I am a white, anglo-saxon MARRIED male with a white nordic wife & children – all my OWN children to my ONE wife, each fluent in 3 languages (English being the first & foremost), all educated, qualified, employed, & paying tax.

We are now the minority and are disadvantaged courtesy of this Gov and their regressive social engineering.

If we took our case to court we’d be laughed at! When can I get my grant? Are we supposed to accept racial, class, caste & religious slurs without recourse?

[Fly_n_finn]

Oh come now [Fly_n_finn]. You don’t have to go all the way to court to be laughed at.