spEak You're bRanes

HYS is hardly populated by the brightest of sparks. If your every waking moment is haunted by the repetitive wheezing sound of your punctured ego asking “what about meeeee???”, what the greasy fuck is the point of whining about it to a bunch of similarly self-absorbed underachievers who are all thinking exactly the same thing? It’s like an everlasting AA meeting where everyone takes their turn to stand up and say “Hi, my name’s Balthazar and I’m an…” only to be interrupted by the next person along saying “Whatever. My name’s Methuselah and…” and so on. Forever. Happy Christmas HYS.

But even by HYS standards, Vincent Van Dict is awesomely stupid. I nearly had to add an extra category for him.

Should airport security get tougher?

No it should not get tighter.

All that is required is to ban ALL muslims from planes, its as simple as that. No muslims on planes means no bombs on planes simple.
Vincent Van Dict, Revolution city

They could get rid of all that complicated x-ray shit and just ask everyone to tick a box that says “I ♥ pork”.

Might be worth adding an “I promise not to blow the plane up” tickbox as well, just to catch the occasional non-Muslim terrorist.

Thanks to Patrick for the only HYS post in history willing to give a tea-leaf the benefit of the doubt:

How is this different to people removing metal plaques from war memorials or lead off church roofs? It may not be sold as a sign, but with metal prices as high as they are it could already be melted down and reused. As a sign it may have sentimental meaning, but it could just be an act of theft, not “a declaration of war” against the Jewish state.

Phil, London, UK

While we’re at it, why are we so sure that Auschwitz was a death camp? Maybe it was just a very poorly-run Butlins with a central heating system that wasn’t CORGI-approved. But you could get away with that before Health And Safety went mad with political correctness.

In the interest of balance, Sarah has found someone who’s perfectly happy to leap to conclusions about the thieves:

Disgusting ,and it seems with all the immigrants being let into Europe from elsewhere, as well as home grown thieves, this is what we can expected now. In the UK our Labour Government is sooooo dumb that they emply ILLEGAL immigrants as security guards. That is how dumb and incompetent the Labour Govt is.

Kia Fosdter

Kia Fosdter is Professor Emeritus of Common Sense at the University of Well It Stands To Reason Doesn’t It I Mean Are You Blind Or What. You can challenge her for tenure but unless you have a PhD in Only Saying What Everyone’s Thinking I wouldn’t rate your chances.

I think Betrand Russell might just fit into every category we have except ‘miscellaneous prats’ and ‘normal people’. I found him grumbling about pregnant women. Turns out he also feels rather strongly about global warming:

Some say the world is warming, some say the world is cooling. Does it really matter?

Betrand Russell

It does to me. I need to know whether to ask for flip-flops for Christmas or save up to buy a duffel coat this summer.

I am interesed in global warming and science fiction, which are linked, so I have given myself a series of names as a tribute to my heroes. Does this make me, what the kids nowadays call ‘a geek?’

Betrand Russell

I must confess, I’m not down with the lingo. Is ‘geek’ like ‘credulous self-aggrandising gobshite who skim-read one book, agreed with a bit of it and decided he wanted to ride around the thickest regions of internet on the coat-tails of the great philosophers’? If it is, you’re pulling off that “geek-chic” thing fabulously.

Hasn’t history told us again and again that religious intolerance never works?!

Cindy Chaplin, Coggeshall

I agree. I’m off to build a Catholic cathedral in Karachi. I am sure they will be very tolerant there.

Betrand Russell

Good point. Off you go. But I warn you, the local Archbishop don’t like no competition, so don’t come crying to me when the St Patrick’s mob kneecap you and take your grey lego bricks.

Do you know how many refugees the UK accepted last year?

It was 697.

Is all this HYS anger and paranoia really justified?

Col, uk

Why is it that they all appear to be living in my street? Why do people believe the figures of this government?

Betrand Russell

It’s an optical illusion Bettie. The same Somali passes you on the street and says ‘good morning’ several times a week, but it looks like lots because it happens at different times in different places and he’s wearing different clothes.

Anyway, on the basis of this last comment, I think I’ve managed to diagnose Betrand Russell. You see, he’s naturally sceptical of any kind of authority. Facts, statistics, massive buildings right there in front of you, however incontrovertible they may seem, if the pro-government, BBC-run forces of Scientific Consensus want you to believe it, it follows ergo QED that the opposite must be true. Like, for example, the Hollywood Establishment will tell you it was “just an actor”, that they used “special effects” and that he might recently have “died” of “cancer”, but do they really think you’re too stupid to see through that?

Patrick Swayze will live forever as his character in ‘Ghost.’

Betrand Russell

Unless they shoot him for his views on Anthropogenic Global Warming, that is.

We’ve decided to divvy up the gay execution thread, just because there is so much fail of so many sorts to go round.

These people are just human beings like any other. The only difference is they choose to live a different kind of life. We should not discriminate them from others. They have the same rights like every body else. Such laws are very retrogresive and create acrimony for nothing. We should learn to have respect and appreciate other persons lifestyle. We can not all have the same lifestyle. The way we differ in appearance is the same way we differ in thinking.

AUBREY CHINDEFU, LUSAKA ZAMBIA

Aside from minor typos and the fact that it’d do as much good to the world if Aubrey Chindefu had drawn a picture of a walrus on the screen in marker pen, this is an intelligent, reasoned and eloquent comment. I even had to look up ‘acrimony’ and I’m like, really clever. It reminds us, if we needed reminding, that Africa is a huge and diverse place, and the gulfs of opinion can be as wide between two next-door neighbours as they can between Cape Town and Tripoli. Of course, at the close of play, this had all of 3 recommendations because, on the subject of whether Africans should be killing Africans for having the wrong bum-sex with Africans, HYSers aren’t really interested in the African perspective. Not when they could be telling savage, childlike foreigners what to do, anyway.

Are they serious? Seriously? When the rest of the world is trying so hard to recognise Africa as civilized, why do they have to shoot themselves in the foot like this?

licoriceallsorts, candyland

You fucking idiot Africa.

What a barbaric and ignorant proposition. If Africa wants help from the west then I see no reason why we should not attatch some cultural conditions to that aid.

Killing someone because of a personal and private choice is medieval and reflects the emotional immaturity of African socieities. The West needs to stand firm against rubbish like this. If Ugandans want to oppress minorities with death threats then they can ask the Chinese for billions in aid instead, and see how far they get.

A shocked gay man, uk

I understand you’re shocked, shocked gay man, but do you really think stopping Africa’s pocket money will help? With something as extreme as executing gays it should be a simple case of “grow up or get a smacked botty”.

“Nations do not have a right to execute homosexuals,”

Yes they do. They can kill whoever they want. Fortunately we have bigger guns than them, and should currently be sabre rattling.

Matt, Manchester

Hang on Matt, surely a sabre’s a bit excessive. Maybe just pull Uganda’s pants down and use the flat of your hand. Or bomb it from the skies a bit, whichever works for you.

This is a difficult situation to comment on because, as a white person, I know I should be polite when I talk about black people, mindful of 100s of years of European oppression.

But, while generally respecting black people as a race and a culture, I can only describe the Ugandan politicians who are supporting this bill as primitive, superstitious barbarians.

I hope all the decent Ugandans do not allow their country to become synonymous with violent stupidity. Reject this bill

Rocket Scientist

Congratulations. You’re like, the least racist person on HYS. In fact, I’ve made you a special plaque in the form of a very small swastika.

I’m going to end on another sensible comment because we need to remain positive in the face of such massive, massive bollocks. It works best if you picture Ibraheem Hameed as the scatty but amiable vicar of a small country parish, haring into the church and vaulting onto the pulpit to gabble this short comment at breakneck speed, before dashing off to be somewhere else ten minutes ago and leaving his glasses behind.

Death penalty or whichever kind of sanction it may be for homosexual act, the poor masses suffer from it. It is not an act of murder or it like therefore, let them do what they think is good for them. For all of us are sinners.

Ibraheem Hameed, Khartoum

Cast first stone. Forgiveness. Amen. A sermon for the twitter generation.

You know that guy down the road? The guy whose curtains are usually drawn, but who you know is there because the front garden is impeccable? The smaller kids run past his house, the older ones dare each other to touch the front door? Well, what do you reckon his screen name is?

In places like Croydon, where I live, the chances are that one’s neighbours speak a different language, and all of their friends will be from “their” community, not mine, a member of the indigenous English, who apparently HAVE no “community” in this city.

Croy boy, Croydon, United Kingdom

I have it on good authority that there is a thriving whites-exclusive community in Croydon. They just haven’t told you because even racists find you self-righteous, whiny and tedious.

No, I’ve made no effort to get to know my neighbours in the 6 years I’ve lived where I am now. And why should I? I don’t actually have anything in common with them other than a postcode.

Ryan B, Glasgow

You should try and befriend them. Seriously. However bad it seems at the time, I can guarantee it will hurt them far more than it hurts you.

We live in an age of Neighbours from hell. Quite apart from the young, people are, on the whole, wrapped up in their miserable little worlds, listening to iPods or chatting inanely on their mobile phones. There are no basic manners eg acknowledging one another’s presence by a simple greeting, let alone build a sense of Community.

ian cheese, london, United Kingdom

I know what you mean about neighbours from hell. Mine are just as bad. Every time I look in through their window – which is several times a day I should add – there they are, yakking away, to each other or on some kind of phone, watching TV or listening to music on headphones or through speakers. Does no-one make time for the internet in this sad day and age?

Maybe a lot of us can’t speak our neighbours language to get to know them?.

Wobblybob, Hull

From what I gather on HYS, learning a foreign language to near-native standard is piss-easy if you’re foreign and it’s English. So maybe “a lot of us” should get off his fat white arse and learn it then. Failing that, you could always resort to sign language. First point your thumb backwards at yourself, then, your fingers held flat at right-angles to your palms, stretch your arms out to the side completely, next point at your backside, and finally make a little ‘o’ sign with finger and thumb. Do that, or alternatively just show them your face, and they’ll get the message.

Minarets yawn…

What rubbish some of you lot write. What religious freedom do those christians living in Arab countries have? Are there churches where they can worship – no – not allowed. Get your facts right before you write drivel. At least the Swiss get a choice. Most Europeans have to put up with decisions of politicians for their own selfish ends. Why else was the UK denied a referendum on the Lisbon treaty, and the Irish gov’t forced by the EU to hold a 2nd referendum. Democracy is dead in Europe!
Adam Smith, London

I’m not entirely sure who Smith is addressing here. In observing Proper BBC Impartiality, the HYS moderators have naturally ignored anyone not rabidly in favour of the minaret ban and filled the entire thread with the same post over and over, as if William Burroughs did 500 cut-ups of the same BNP leaflet and expelled them like half-digested coackroaches from an ailing gut clogging up the oesophagus of the internet. In fact, I like to imagine that the average HYS post is nothing more than the stream-of-consciousness fingerdribble of a smacked-up fuckhead. It’s the only explanation that doesn’t hurl me screaming into a fit of existential despair.

I have just been ’somewhat surprised’ to hear the BBC’s reporter’s comments about religious symbols that might be acceptable, pointing to the Christmas tree behind her. I beg rather strongly to differ, but the Christmas tree is NOT a ‘religious’ symbol in any way, shape or form; Yes, it has been adopted by western societies to be part of our Christmas tradition, but it is no more religious than the Christmas card, pudding or cracker! So, please, let’s not get minarets and trees in the same boat.
Jerome, Redhill

Unless it was, like, a fucking really big boat, of course, like a cruise liner or one of them ones that planes go on. Then it might be alright.

Well done the Swiss! At last a strong message is sent to all those Muslim extremists who think that people are too passive to oppose the takeover of their country. Until when for every mosque built in a christian country a church in a muslim country is allowed to be built, muslims should not take freedom of religion as granted. That might help them to understand the true meaning of sacrificing your own space in the name of tolerance!
Marco Furlan

Woof! Holding all Muslims responsible for the actions and infrastructures of all predominantly Muslim nations, from Bosnia and Herzegovina, through Iran to Indonesia… That kind of talk could make a man erect. Not me, though. I’m not an idiot.

Minarets and religion are just symptoms of a problem. Let’s face the facts. It is a natural instinct of humans to defend and preserve their racial background, culture and history. Anything perceived as a threat to those qualities is regarded by most as invasive and obnoxious, and so it has been throughout history. Man-made laws to eradicate so-called “racism” cannot change human inborn instinct.

So the Swiss vote should not surprise anybody. It’s the way we are made.
[Anglobert], Surrey, United Kingdom

Governing societies on base human instinct! It’s so simple! Why did no-one think of it before?

Can someone tell me – Are you allowed to build a Cathedral in Mecca?
Allan, Afghanistan

HA HA HA HA HA. No matter how many times you see this same clever point reiterated clever point reiterated clever point reiterated like a stuck CD player in Hell, it never stops being utterly fucking fascinating.

Mind, I haven’t checked for a few days, but I’m pretty sure Switzerland is still not a place of particular religious significance for Christians. Try building a mosque in the Vatican, Allan, see where that gets you. Shot, hopefully.

Instead of banning minarets and headscarfs Europeans should ban immigration from Muslim countries, then the issue of cultural transgression will be moot.Half measures will not save Europe, otherwise 50 years later you will have to fight a Reconquista Yugoslavian style or convert to to Islam.
Nick, New York

Believe me, I’ve tried – Lord, how I’ve tried! – but I just can’t think of a response to this that doesn’t invoke Godwin’s Law. Try it for yourself – it’s impossible!

I tire of hearing what Muslims are or are not. They are what they demonstrate themselves to be–if they don’t want to be known as a bunch of genocidal fanatics, perhaps they should alter their behavior. If Swiss voters don’t want their skylines to look like Baghdad, then they have a right to say so. Brits take note–you’re so intimidated that you won’t even sing carols or put up a Christmas tree for fear of offending the Muslims.
sim, CARLSBAD

Jesus… If anyone needs me, I’ll be sitting catatonic in the chair by the window.

I really don’t understand this next post. Alright so the classic moves are all here: one opinion artlessly crowbarred in whatever the debate, a cack-handed role-reversal shot through with enraged white self-pity, a stubbornly aggressive failure to grasp anything about the world in the slightest, and a final lightbulb-over-the-head moment, if Thomas Edison hadn’t bothered with all that glass and filament bollocks and just thumbed a bunch of glow-worms into a fox turd. It’s all there, it’s just, I dunno, this may sound weird, but I think this comment was written by a search-engine.

Funny how it is ‘correct’ to applaud the leader of ‘The African National Congress’ yet if you show any respect for the ‘British National Party’ you risk your reputation, career and social life- everything really.

Does this mean there will be Nick Griffin day in 50 years time?

[DavidCOMMIEron], Chelmsford, United Kingdom

You know what’s even barmier? Become a national treasure, and everyone loves you. Win the Grand National, and suddenly you’re some kind of horse.

The beeb has rolled out its new Democracy Live service. Correctly realising that the problem with politics is there’s too much bullshit to listen to, it lets you search inside videos for things that were said in parliament. It’s brilliant, both technically and because never again will politicians be able to whinge that no-one listens to what gets said in the House. So wouldn’t it be ironic if someone completely ignored the topic of the post to whinge about how no-one ever listens to him?

I would like to know why moderators at the BBC often reject my comments, even though there is nothing Racial, sexual or otherwise offensive, save that that some left wing moderator doesnt like what I am saying.

So here goes. Why is it no-one will talk about unchecked immigration or the chance of the people of this country being given a vote to leave the EU, as we were decietfully lied to by both labour and Conservatives back in the 70’s.? "Oh, its just a trade thing!". Yeah, ok, look where it has got us now.

£15Bn a year worse off, not inc oncosts to business's, and meddlesome Eurocrats. Now they are wanting a president. Euro-realists predicted this over 10 years ago and no-one listened. Are they listening now?
Emzdad

Yes, why will no-one talk about these things? Why isn’t there a huge festering dunny full of comments about this, complete with an ecosystem of great big arses delivering shit, flies buzzing around surveying the shit and dung beetles proud of all the shit they’ve rolled up and sat on? Why, if Emzdad ever found such a place he’d find it so exciting he’d probably do a little poo.

Also I’m putting him in the Racists category because anyone who has to insist their comments aren’t racist probably definitely is.

ICANN are going to start allowing some seriously weird-ass domain names with, like, squiggles n shit. I don’t know what the they’re playing at. I might have to start an indigenous BRITISH internet, with hearty domain names and family-friendly blog posts about Bagpuss, sausages, oak trees and white supremacy.

Let’s have some nice, clear, PROPER English.

The internet delveloed by the US in English has been used by the world . The world has not compensated the US. Educated people understand English,the lessor must not disrupt the sucess for all these years that was/is a gift of the USA to the world.
Harold Regner, Carrollton

I feel a bit sorry for Harold. He came so very close. He got himself a connection and obviously managed to fire up a web browser. Then he failed to find any porn and had to settle for an all-American, magnanimous flag-wank while imagining himself giving away baskets of internets to grateful Chinese peasants.

Thanks to Liz for pointing me at the BNP Question Time thread. It’s actually rather reassuring, to see a party almost unanimously inducing massive, racist erections in HYSers, when we know only a fraction of the population would ever actually vote for them. It’s almost as if they’re just a small group making a lot of noise, who the majority of us disagree with, but stay silent because we don’t think they’re worth bothering with.

This is why I think they’re so impressed with Nick Griffin. These are people who spend all day in an environment where almost everyone has the same opinion, twice an hour, and the ones who don’t either get no recommendations, or give up on the fucking place and come here. Granted, it’s the ultra-left BBC, but it’s safe, sanitised, and everyone is either just like you or invisible. We find them here and not in the real world because differences of opinion and the idea of having to rethink their position actually rather frighten them. Meanwhile, Nick Griffin musters the courage to go on a BBC programme where everyone thinks he’s a racist twat, has seen videos of him being a Nazi and planning to lie about it, and is a lot cleverer than him. It’s as if there’s a thunderstorm and he’s actually peeped outside, while this lot are still quivering under the bed.

To the guy who called Nick Griffin “D*** Griffin” and people who cheered him.
We are British
We say Good Morning, Hello and thank you
We stand in a queue
We give up out seats for elderly and disabled
We respect other…
We are a polite nation
By calling him and cheering to the call you sank below his level….
Shame on you…

Emil LeBlues, London, United Kingdom

You can’t even compare a pudgy Fascist toff to a man’s frontal danglies these days without the PC brigade jumping down your throat. I don’t recognise my country any more.

My wife and I think Nick Griffin is the most courageous man in UK politics. He was very brave to go on this show to speak in what was always going to be a hostile environment.

We are English, hard working people who can see that this country has an unsustainable population rise and a crippling level of debt. We also see many imigrant arriving to exploit our generosity yet not respecting our culture. Nick Griffin speaks sense. We are being invaded whilst our boys are dying abroad, its wrong.

Richard, Norwich

For some reason, I’m now picturing your wife. Small, mousey, quite pretty, but tired-looking. Most of her conversation with others consists of standing next to you saying “yes”, “he’s right you know” and “that’s true dear”. Smiles and nods a lot. Secretly, she thinks you’re a bit dim and sometimes borderline racist, but she loves how proud you look when you get to be Official Marriage Spokesman.

It was very biased against Nick Griffin. The audience was about 85% multicultural and the panel were hypocrites, one minute saying that the Daily Mail had freedom of speech and the next they were denouncing an elected political party for it’s views!
Where were the supporters of the BNP in this audience? Not allowed in, I suspect. It was a totally one-sided affair and even though I woul not vote BNP, I think the man had a lot of guts for coming on the show in the first place.

Rebecca Dwyer, Wakefield, United Kingdom

I feel quite sorry for Rebecca Dwyer. She obviously really wants to be clever and understand politics and stuff, but it’s always that half-inch away from her grasp. So she can never work out why the fat Scottish man and the young man with the long face and posh accent are always shouting at each other. And this is where bad euphemisms come back to bite the English language in the arse. Poor Rebecca’s clearly heard “freedom of speech” and “multiculturalism” used so often for “don’t criticise my opinions” and “wogs, assorted” that she genuinely thinks that’s what they mean.

Here’s Liz’s find. You remember back in GCSE English, when you had to read all those books, and, though you never admitted it at the time, there were a couple you quite liked. Obviously, it’s been years since then and you can’t really remember what they were about, but you had the same pencil-case right through to the end of your A-Levels, and will never forget the quotes you scratched inside the lid to get you through the day.

In the famous book “to kill a mockingbird” Atticus Finch tells his kids, bravery is not a man with a gun in his hand, but someone who knows they are going to be beaten before they start, but still goes ahead. Nick Griffin knew he wouldn’t get a fair hearing and would be raked over the coals. But he went ahead and aired his views, that makes him brave in my eyes and thats why I am voting BNP next election

Atticus Finch, Mockingbird town

At least it’s a change from ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’.