spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Dave.

Morrissey’s been accused of being a racist, which of course makes it instantly okay to a) openly like Morrissey again and b) insult entire nations. Racism could only get more casual if it was wearing a shellsuit and tucking the bottoms of its pants into Pringle socks.

What inspires me about this is that amongst the chaos there appears to be at least some kind of natural order to the universe.

Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Pakistani, in fact many countries do things we find appalling. There’s nothing we can do about it, it’s their culture. But what we can do, and should have done, is to keep them and their ways out of our own country. Is it too late to do something?
Diane

No Diane, it’s not too late. You can f*** off somewhere else. People like you make me ashamed to be native British.
si

See, there are positive uses for that phrase! Now, if only someone could quote Morrissey lyrics and confuse the fuck out of a passing mentaloid, causing him to offer some shit advice based on complete fantasy, and do it in an easy-to-follow bullet form.

Ouija board, Ouija board….can you help me-ee-ee?
Rad Pitt

Stay away from Ouija boards for three very good reasons
1. do you think spirits, of departed are answering you – think again. You are dealing with something that could cause you a lot of hurt and damage, especially spiritually.
2. Malevolant evil spirts hide themselves in a guise imitating loved ones and so on, having info on them. They are out to delude you.
3. Worst of all, they are out for you to be possessed by these evil spirits, they are not interested in your problems or solving them. They are interested in destroying your soul, locking you up to them.
So Rad Pitt, my advice to you would be to throw away your Ouija board if you have one, preferably set fire to it in a safe place and go speak to a minister or priest. May God lead, guide and protect you.
Nektarios

Knock three times if you’ve ever been sectioned for standing outside Boots offering your own excrement as the body of Christ.

Can anyone honestly say that they aren’t even a little racist? Everyone’s a little racist and everyone’s a little gay.So there.
Also, he is obviously saying this out of anger and nothing more. Lord, if everyone had to make sure nothing they said would offend anyone…we’d be mutes.
Also, I hope PETA drops Moz as well because they are a terrorist organization. It irks me that my beloved Moz promotes them.
eli

Honestly, eli, I can say that I’ve never been convinced of my superiority over another human being based on our differing races. No, I base my superiority complex on provable concepts. For example, I think I’m better than you because you project your unchecked failings onto other people and excuse faulty reasoning based on erroneous comparisons to the perceived norm. When I read the bollocks you decided to share with the world, I didn’t think you were of a different race – I just thought you were some kind of twat. However, I did once try and have a wank over Jedward*, so it’s not all faulty reasoning on your part.

*If anyone wants to borrow that one, let me know.

Thanks to Kris, who was mining for gold on HYS and accidentally hit a seam of sticky, acidic, racist shit instead. It’s got everywhere, and the cushions on this couch don’t come off. So, with a deep sigh and a bottle of Cillit Bang ready to drink, here’s HYS on Africa, asking if aid is the answer or if instead we can solve the world’s problems by proving what a bunch of cunts we all are.

As has been noted before that every time aid is sent to a country it increases the population and therefore more mouths to feed and more aid is required so more aid is not the solution.
Dave1506

It’s tremendously difficult, the situation in Africa, and it’s compounded by the fact that the fuckers keep living forever because everything is just so cushy. No, less aid is the solution, right? I’m voting for less aid, next time I mistake airing a wanky opinion on the internet for the classic forms of enfranchisement. Less aid means more dead people means less people to complain about people dying. I knew the solution to the world’s problems must have a fairly simple resolution, but I didn’t know it was as simple as just putting in a little bit of work to turn everyone into ignorant, mean, petty little gusset sniffers…

Endless aid is never the answer.
Maybe I’m being a bit harsh here, but if life is unsustainable, then either let the people move somewhere else or let them die, much like nature intended.
Anthony Rat

…that is, if you have to do any work at all. Mind you, somewhere else sounds better than Africa. But where! I heard there’s a pushover of a country on the edge of northern Europe that lets anyone in, especially if you’re from a former colony. Something about liberal-socialist-post-colonial guilt or something. You might have to lock yourself in the back of a freezer van to get there, but I heard that people there are very sympathetic to those in mortal danger.

We have ABSOLUTELY NO obligations to Africa. What we have contributed so far is a reflection of past relationships to colonial Africa. All African leaders or governments think intrinsically that Africa is for black or Arab people. White people, according to Africans, should not be there. Africa should be allowed to fend for itself. This pitiable annual call to donate is now self-perpetuating.These self-appointed do-gooders and “philanthropists” should literally get a life of their own. Being seen to be a “holier than thou high moral ground individual” seems to be so important to those who have failed to make their mark in society in a way they would have wished.
Robert

I expect all those philanthropists and self-appointed do-gooders – as opposed to the do-gooders appointed by the wishy-washy-lefty-do-gooding-overarching-social-agenda-Stalin-is-still-alive-you-know-1984-is-coming-true-and-why-is-the-only-doctor-I-can-get-to-see-at-short-notice-African-committee – wanted to be Premier League footballers or something. Sadly, like Robert, they missed their vocation and ended up wanking into a sock for a living. Or at least the humanitarian equivalent.

A few years ago, I would have pitied Robert for failing to understand the difference between being an aid worker and buying a Big Issue to impress the girl you’re trying so desperately to get tops and fingers off… but now… no, wait, I still pity the gobshite. He’s literally a vadge.

Mind you, Africa for black people? Sounds a bit racist to me. Thank fuck there’s no stupid, gobby, power-hungry hypocrites in Europe who make a living from espousing race-based settlement policies. Otherwise people might get confused and think that stupid, gobby, power-hungry hypocrites actually represent everyone on the continent.

How about the richest nations of Africa supporting their own country.

Top African countries GDP.
# South Africa … $606.4 billion in international$ (up 8% from 2005)
# Algeria … $262.2 billion (up 8.5%)
# Nigeria … $181.8 billion (up 10.2%)
# Morocco … $150.8 billion (up 4.8%)
# Sudan … $98.8 billion (up 11.2%)
# Tunisia … $91.4 billion (up 7.4%)
# Ethiopia … $78.4 billion (up 12%)
# Ghana … $59.4 billion (up 9.1%)
# Angola … $53.9 billion (up 24.3%)
# Democratic Republic of Congo … $50.4 billion (up 9.7%)
# Uganda … $48.5 billion (up 9.2%)
# Kenya … $45.6 billion (up 8.9%)
# Cameroon … $40.3 billion (up 5.7%)
# Côte d’Ivoire … $31.4 billion (up 4.9%)
# Tanzania … $30.6 billion (up 10%)

Perhaps the UK should start asking for aid.
chrisk50

Yeah, we have plans in the pipeline to get aid from the Democratic Republic of the Congo, along with remedial maths lessons on fractions and multiplication just for you. So if you’d like to stand over there by that wall in the sunshine, the humanitarian workers will be here soon to put you out of my misery. Cigarette? Lovely.

And don’t worry, I hear they bring their own equipment.

Thanks to Michelle. How do you follow a pun like Londonistan? It’s a tricky one, right? Rolls neatly off the tongue, and everyone knows instantly what you’re getting at. But you can’t just rest on your laurels and spew out derivative shite like ‘Bradistan’, you’ve got to keep racist humour moving. So first thing you need is a town with a sizeable and prominent non-white population. There’s Leicester for a start, but nothing springs to mind. Oldham? Birmingham? Preston? Ah fuck it, can’t be arsed. Work backwards. Punchline first, Muzzies later. It’ll be fine.

Blackpool is aptly named as it will soon be comandeered as a permanent ‘new town’ to resettle incomers and ensure that the sharia can be practised without interference from the indigenous losers , formerly known as ‘The English’.
MAN IN MOSQUE ( Don’t shoot the messenger!)

Well, I’ll give you a C+ for effort at least, but now you’ve put the idea in my head, a spot of shooting’s just way too tempting.

Good news, writes Sarah Boseley on her Guardian blog. Recent trials have shown that hundreds of thousands of children’s lives could be saved each year in Africa and Asia with vaccines that Westerners take for granted. And guess what? The G8 is committed to doing just that. No-brainer, innit?

Ah, except there’s a problem, see. Because the G8 is also committed to treating and preventing HIV and AIDS in Africa and Asia, and – curse you, cruel God! curse your balls! – there’s only so much money that the world’s largest economies are willing… sorry, able to spare in order to save the lives of poor brown people.

So where does the money go? On the one hand, reducing child mortality would ordinarily be an absolute priority for any civilised nation. On the other, diarrhoea lacks the glamour of AIDS.

But wait, says koushixinfei: we’re asking the wrong question. We shouldn’t be worrying about which preventable diseases to treat in the developing world, but whether we should be treating them at all.

The economics doesn’t work. Save a child in Africa now and in 20 years you have another 3 to 5 to save, you need to price that in. A vaccine which saves a child for 10 USD today, will imply another 30 – 50 USD in a generation. Pestilence and Civil war is the african choice to manage population growth. I’m not sure we should be imposing science and engineering on them, any more than they should impose pestilence and civil war on us. And yes, it is us and them if you are going to use the language of “donor nations”.
koushixinfei

Yeah, this saving lives thing is all well and good, but in this post-ideological age, surely pumping billions of dollars into helping people who – let’s be brutally honest here – contribute nothing to the global economy is just a bad investment?

And who says they want to be helped? We have our medicine and technology and infrastructure, they have their disease and child soldiers and rape. We should respect their culture, fucking leave them to it, save the money for other things. Like rats, power tools and Huey Lewis and the News CDs.

I’d like to thank Tim for sending us this. On the face of things, it’s all about Aborginal kids starving to death in rural Australia. But in reality, it’s all about Collin Brown. And may I say – wow. I mean, wow.

It’s almost admirable how racist Collin has managed to become. Here’s a man approaching critical mass – in the Large Hadron Collider of race relations, Collin is one man who’s been bombarded with too many Muslons, and at some point probably copped an Africon to the temple. When I read his anal dribble, I feel like I’m watching White Beauty escape majestically across the fields, shouting racial epithets and “It’s science! It’s for their own good!” as he goes. And then, just as I’m about to put the cunt out of my misery, I feel Nelson’s hand on my arm…

“No, Dizzy. Let this one go.”

I derive no satisfaction in pointing out using empirically derived data that proves beyond doubt, that Sub Saharan Africans (black people) have a very low IQs compared to many. But being aware of this data, accepting this data as factual, is at least a starting point to properly helping Africans. If we continue to pretend that we are all equally smart, Africans will not receive the help they truly need.

If my forthrightness makes me a race-hating-bigot in the eyes of liberals, so bit it – it is a price I’m willing to pay, to make a real change.
Collin Brown

Oh. I see. Yeah, very, er, ‘forthright’. I could see how people could easily confuse that with racism, but on closer inspection, it’s not racist – Collin doesn’t hate Africans. He just pities them with science and shit. After reading Collin’s posts, I’m starting to see the benefits of keeping them doing manual labour and breeding them. If only someone had thought of this a few hundred years ago. They could have built a country.

Collin doesn’t feel good about this absolutely true and empirically derived situation – on the contrary, the burden of this knowledge weighs heavily on his shoulders. The way he bears this cross is practically heroic. Clearly, this man is a fucking saint. Benevolent pity is the only realistic way forward. Feeling sorry for the poor bastards who had the misfortune to be born closer to animals than to God’s glorious shade of pristine-white-or-maybe-slightly-pink-depending-on-the-season is a much better approach than anything we’ve tried so far. Most importantly, it’s not hatred. No – that would be racist! After all, you don’t hate horses for being horses, do you? That’d be silly! Also, horsist.

Being born in a stable, doesn’t make one a horse.

British Muslims, – can there really be, such a thing? Maybe in a civic sense – but a Muslim is a Muslim and no amount of political correctness will change their DNA into British DNA.

If 10’000 Muslims moved into a corner of a British city they, (as a policy among Muslims) will only spend their money within their community – a system known as (Black Money) They will shop at major supermarkets but they wont spend money with British tradesmen and small retailers.

As a result, long-established British business dry-up owing to a severe drop-off in trade which of course leads to: job losses.

Jewish people? Hmm, OK. You did ask, so here goes.

Atheistic Jews (non-religious-Jews), lack many Semitic features that characterise a Jewish person. Semitic Jews are not the Jews, that people constantly criticise. Atheistic ‘Jews’ – such as Peter Mandelson, look ordinary – void of a Semitic (orthodox, Palestinian-look). It is these (select) ‘Jews’, who insist on countries having anti-Semitic laws (not to protect Semite Jews, but to stem criticism of their business practices from coming under scrutiny). Atheistic ‘Jews’ claim to be a people – not a race – a statement which in part, is true. However, this claim does not hold up because Atheistic (internationalist, high-flying ‘Jews’, are essentially European ‘Jews’ -(Bolsheviks) – the architects of communism – void of many Semitic features.

Atheistic ‘Jews’, (in the strictest sense), are not really Jews at all. A portion of them make up part of the international elite who influence and control politicians around the world. The ‘Jews’ who do this, are universally disliked not for what they are, but for what they do.

Orthodox Jews – on the other hand – Semites are a peace-loving race who believe in keeping themselves to themselves. Off course there are many, Semitic descendants in this world with Jewish names, who have no aspirations to impoverish the lives of ordinary people for self-gain.
Collin Brown

Oh, man. I don’t mind telling you that after reading all those facts, I have a tingly feeling going on in the crotch area. It’s brilliant – the scent of a rose that blooms once every thousand years. You just don’t get this quality of racism nowadays. The study of the Jew! British DNA! That kind of stuff extends my phenotype, if you know what I mean. I start picturing beautiful, pristine white British DNA being attacked by some kind of multicultural radiation. Koranium or Judaenium or something. And the only thing that stops it is a suit lined with… oh, I don’t know, Griffonium? Yeah, Griffonium.

But if you thought Collin was just about disjointed race-based thinking, then you thought wrong. He’s also all about the curse of Gay. And again, Collin doesn’t resort to base emotions like hatred – the recourse of liberals and Marxists everywhere. No, he uses reason, and his objections are not raised to stop you from having equality – heaven forbid – but to save you from a major social faux pas…

For heterosexual married-couples departing a hotel after a 7-day stay, it is quite common for either party to announce one, of the two, exit phrases:

(1). My husband and I, would like to checkout – please.
(2). My wife and I would like to checkout – please.

How, I ask, will same-sex ‘married’ couples phrase their exit announcements, not to mention introductions. Imagine, (as a newly ‘married’ SSC) attending a cocktail party (for business reasons) as a man having to introduce everyone to your new husband – or for that matter, as a female, having to introduce everyone to your new wife?

Is this really, what same-sex couples want? As a SSMC, will both of you – (emotionally-speaking), be able to live up to your new-found status or, will you revert to ‘reticent-mode’ when straight-couples look upon you in a somewhat quizzical fashion?
Collin Brown

You didn’t think about that, did you, you selfish fuckers. In your drive for ‘equality’, you forgot that you could, on occasion, confuse people at business-related cocktail parties. Just imagine the look on your line manager’s face when you introduce your same-sex husband as your husband over a plate of cheeses on sticks. Can you picture the look of searing pain across his face as he tries to work it out? Well, then. Lesson learned. Now we can save him all the pain of reconciling that in his poor, overheated brain. Did I mention that in this fantasy your line manager is black? He’s black.

Enjoy Collin Brown to the fullest. He’s a dying breed – after all, the nearest he gets to reproducing is the crusty sock he keeps under his pillow next to the well-thumbed copy of Mein Kampf.

HomoSafari. It’s like dipping your face into a bucket full of shit and razor blades marinated in lemon juice.

There is nothing racist or fascist about:

1) wanting to maintain one’s cultural heritage
2) opposing the undemocratic and expansionist New European Empire
4) opposing immigration scams
3) wanting an ecologically sustainable level of population

Your ‘lefty’ insults are pathetic.
HomoSafari

I’d just like to add:

9) something something indigenous white working class
d) wankburger
Я) islamofascism

So that’s the immigrants and the socialists told good and proper, then. Good job. Who else would you like to blame?

This is what misandric feminist bigots have wanted all along, to destroy the male role in society and the fraudulent ‘liberal’ media have colluded with them.

I am glad that I am the ‘wrong’ side of 40 and old enough to remember when men were not subject to institutionalised so-called ‘positive’ discrimination.
HomoSafari

Yeah. The good old days. When men were men and when you were still a massive gobshite.

Funny. I read HomoSafari‘s impression of Britain’s cultural heritage – the one where everyone’s a vicious, misogynistic, selfish racist with views on homosexuality so offensive they get censored within two minutes of being aired – and I’m not exactly peeing my pants to want to save it. In fact, it has directly the opposite effect – it makes me want to stick needles sideways up me Jap’s so I’ll in no way be in danger of contributing to its continuation.

Oh, wait! He’s not done! Keep reading kids, because I’m sure this is going to be worthwhile.

Indeed and male graduates with good typing skills are more likely to be rejected. After I graduated in 1990, I took RSA classes, gaining the relevant qualifications in typewriting (on a proper typewriter – remember them?) and word processing, but I still found myself at the receiving end of anti-male discrimination when it came to seeking employment.
HomoSafari

Alternatively, you could explore your massive personality defect as a cause. Remember, it’s not discrimination if you’re just some kind of cunt.

Although it looks more like a hilarious tear-soaked pillow of hubris since his invitation was rescinded, Nick Griffin’s call for things to ask the Queen at yesterday’s garden party is, in fact, a bucket of curdled pomposity. If you manage to put your hand in there without being sick, you’ll be rewarded with a fistful of semi-congealed racist throat slime.

Here’s what Chris pulled out…

Your Majesty, we have met before, remember me?…. I am the lion that stands on your crown, I am the Dragon that is the spirit of your nation, I am the sword that rose from the lake and was given to Arthur, I am the blood that runs through your nation’s veins, I am the breath that your nation breathes, I am the morning mist on the downs, I am the heather on the moors, I am the sun that shines on the Dales, I am the mountains of caledonia and Cymry, I am the white cliffs of Albion, I am the beat of the Morris man’s bells, I am the sound of the pipes over the hills, I am the snow that falls on the meadows. I am the soldier who fought for you, and you father, and your father’s father, and his, I am the Gesith that stood on Senlac field, I am the wise old man you met when you were young, I am the young man your great grandchildren will meet, I am the ghost of the past, and I am the future…. Remember me now?… Your Majesty?
Sigbrit

Sigbrit, we have met before, remember?…. I am the rapidly descending silence every time you walk into a room, I am the pretty Somali girls who laughed at you on the bus, I am the modern world that makes you shit your silly pants in fear and confusion, I am the weird smell of rotting dog food that you leave behind when you do, I am your parochial bafflement at exotic foodstuffs such as ‘sizzling beef in black bean sauce’, I am the look of disappointment glued permanently to your mother’s face, I am your grandchildren’s crippling embarrassment, I am the ghost of your past failures, and I am your dismal future…. Remember me now?… Sigbrit?

Thanks to Malcolm. Some tedious bell-end, this time in the Derby Evening Telegraph, flogging the old bend-the-struggle-against-Hitler-round-to-fit-racism horse again.

RECENTLY, we commemorated the 70th anniversary of the Dunkirk evacuation.

For many veterans, the memories of the carnage have been difficult ones. A number of veterans said that, had the invasion not been repelled, Great Britain would be speaking German today.

No disrespect to our war dead, but I am now finding it increasingly difficult to understand the many foreign languages now spoken in Derby.

Dennis Monk

I bet not many of them are German though, are they? I love how these idiots always imagine the worst thing about living under the iron grip of National Socialism would have been having to do a relatively easy language in school. Yeah, so a few people get enslaved, tortured and gassed but I have to spend an hour or two a day clearing my throat. Who’s the real victim?

Plus think how many other ways we’re disrespecting the war dead. They gave their lives for our freedom not to be a racist batty-crease, but Dennis Monk is still a racist batty-crease. I’m sure someone somewhere once gave their life for our freedom not to push racist batty-creases from Derby into wheat threshers, but if there was one and Dennis Monk was looking the other way, I’d still be sorely tempted. Makes me sick thinking about it. Hypocrites.

Thanks to Ste for finding “growingtomp456″, who has got all wet-knickered over the idea that France might make it illegal to wear strings of onions a burka or niqab. He goes on a bit so I’ve edited him down through judicious use of the words “blah”, “barble”, “massive” and “turdgobbler”.

Well done France for [... blah blah barble blah blah ...] If the Muslims don’t like it they can go back to countries that have Muslim as their traditional [... blah barble blah massive turdgobbler ...]

Another reason why I think this new law is great. It will help with the terrorism issue. Many terrorists these days are Muslim. Furthermore, it will also help to get rid of the sick people which will cover their face in a veil, pretending to be a Muslim when really they are a peadophile. [... barble barble blah ...]
growingtomp456

Fucking paedo terror-fiddlers with their fucking paedo wank-curtains. Where will this end?? Am I safe just because I’m over 18? Must I live in permanent fear of slot-eyed burkapedes and jiggly-cassocked priests?? How can I trust anyone whose penis I can’t see??!?

Might have to go for a lie down. I’ll leave my cock out so you can check I’m not masturbating furiously.

Ever wondered if you’re a bastard? Ever wondered if, when you leave the room, people call you a twat behind your back?

Well, fate has now designed a simple test – the asylum seekers freezing to death in a truck test.

Remember, your responses will be weighted against those of normal, reasonable people with at least three picograms of compassion.

Should have requested asylum in France.
M x

Oooh. So close, but sorry, M x, you failed. I gave you bonus points for not actually saying it’s their own fault, but I’m afraid that you lost them all again because you’re shit.

So, the “migrants, thought to be Afghans” can speak ‘broken English’, competently use a mobile ‘phone and tell a heart-rending story about a child losing consciousness.

But, they don’t realise that a refrigerated truck gets cold. How strange.

No doubt “their lives will ALL be in danger” if deported. How unusual.
Bob Smyth

Damn right. In this massive, complicated web of deception they constructed in order to get into England and steal your wheelie-bin, they were smart enough to pull this ‘nearly freezing to death’ stunt in France where the funeral costs are actually 8% lower. They’re crafty little shits and no mistake.

They are not immigrants they are economical migrants and should be called such if they where true asylum seekers then by law they should have claimed asylum in the first county they came too.

But wait the Uk is no where near there, it must be for the benefits the sooner we crack down and stop benefits to foreigners the better.

Where is the nasty Tory party Labour keeps going on about, will some one not rid us of this culture of giving everything away to foreigners and treating English people like scum?
Top Cat

They certainly are economical migrants. You can’t get travel much cheaper than locking yourself in the back of a freezer truck, can you?

By the way, you all failed the test. Your punishment is to be locked in the back of a refrigerated lorry and driven to a country where you barely speak the language or understand the culture. England, for example.