Thanks to Charlie.

just inmagin if we go through a national crisis like japan or food shortages or some pandemic just like nostradamus predicted humans will eat humans if anyone disagree just look at the above footage again we are becoming animals and animals becoming more civilised cant even think what it would be like if the goverment collapsed.
monjur

Right. You watch some twats mugging a kid with a bloody face, it doesn’t take a huge leap of the imagination to see them sat naked on their haunches, cocks swinging like little aubergines, chewing greedily on that same kid’s upper arms and thighs. And oh-ho, what’s this? One of them is happily lapping up his brain, holding the head like a punch bowl. See the look on the face there: a disgusting cocktail of agony, disbelief and horror, a frozen moment, like the kind of sick fuck Halloween mask you might find hanging in a weird, UV-lit, back-street novelty shop in Blackpool.

This is what happens when you take your eye, even momentarily, off the lower orders. As Nostradamus predicted: “The hooded ghost shall shatter the invisible wall / His bounty now within his grasp / Cities shall crumble and nations collapse / At his feet, clad in boxfresh Filas.”

Only the government can prevent this nightmare from becoming reality. With shrieking, reactionary politics and the kind of iron-fisted authoritarianism Michael Howard might’ve drawn the line at, they can force the revolting peasants back down where they belong, if not further. But they can’t do it without your help.

If you donate just £5 a month, we can supply the government with water cannon, baton rounds and funds for entertaining senior representatives of the tabloid press.

Together, we can deny them a future. Together, we can drain them of hope. Together, we can gang-fuck the poor.

I would have liked to help stop the thuggary but I did not want to get arrested, sued, breach their human rights, get fined by “no win no fee” solicitors, get a criminal record, lose my job. It looks like the law/police/goverment is on the side of the thugs, blindfolding common sence. If the the law is incapable then take away all their money including their family who shelter them.
david jones, walsall uk

Oh, fucking hell, David! Just when we needed you! Just when Commissioner Gordon was on the blower to me, asking exactly where you were, and if your Batman suit had come back from the dry cleaners yet – now you tell us that this is the point where you can’t help us any more! After all, when law and order has broken down, when the State has failed and when anarchy prevails, you’re quite rightly scared of getting sued! On contingency! These things happen. I’ve seen The Incredibles. You’d end up in kangaroo court or something, and I’ve heard they’re even more sarcastic than Judge Judy.

Just when we need David Jones where he does most good – on the streets of Walsall in rubber undies, wandering around with what the guy in the shop told him was a 12″ black rubber serrated baton – he fails us. The alternative plan of taking all their money away could work, but without David to protect us they’ll just steal all our stuff anyway! And they can do that even when they’ve had their benefits cut!

DAVID, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US??? WHO WILL SAVE US NOW!!?!

Two superheroes have been spotted in and around London over the past few days called ‘Blackman and Robbing’.
Call-me-Coconut, UK

Well, Clinical Depression Boy is about to turn up. Can he help us? Unlikely. He usually just induces catatonic foetal positions and extended absences from the internet.

TEAR GAS – RUBBER BULLETS – TASERS -STUN GUNS – CHEMICAL PARALYZING SPRAYS – HIGH AUDIO FREQUENCY BLASTERS – TRANQUILIZING ELEPHANT GUN DARTS – WATER CANNONS WITH PURIFYING ROTTING DYE – all need to be used ASAP and all we get from this home secretary is she tells us she is watching the CCTV…………………………….!!!!!!!
Roy, Essex

Oh, thank fuck for that. Our worries are over. It turns out that Roy will defend us all, weilding the massive hard-on he gets after reeling off the names of a whole bunch of fictional military technology what he did drew when it was raining. Just pray to God he doesn’t have a wank.

Anyway, never mind calling out for a hero. What we really need to know is how we can connect this to Muslims.

Here is another reason to outright BAN face coverings.
melita, ex pat

Thanks melita! And give my regards to Pat when you see him. Unless he still thinks you’re a cunt and avoids you like the plague, like everyone else.

Drinks firm Diageo funds pregnancy health initiative! No, it’s not a nightmare Paul Verhoeven once had, it’s a BBC News item. Click it and see.

I’ve got a much better idea. Let’s random test pregnant women like we do athletes. Anyone found to have forbidden substances in their urine would be tortured, then have their foetus / unborn child terminated. Sound ridiculous?….not as ridiculous as the Nanny State telling us something we already know…..and by the way, my solution would stop unfit parents having children.
Al

I’ve got an even betterer idea: Al; the entire pro-life lobby; big hole in the ground; maybe some huge, hungry rats for good measure; FIGHT.

Could the Mail possibly lurch any further into self-parodic cuntiness? I didn’t think so, but then I saw the words “Cameron pledges ANOTHER £814m towards vaccinating the world’s poorest children (on top of £2bn we are already going to donate)” spattered like a bitter old man’s thick, lumpy semen over the top of one of their articles.

Clearly seeing this as some kind of challenge, one reader was moved to write the following…

A mass sterilisation programme is what is needed in these places, never mind poring money into them. I am sick and tired of seeing TV reports of people unable to provide for themselves, living in poverty in squalor but manage to reproduce without an ounce of responsibility.
Reg

Should you ever need to make a case for pure, nihilistic despair, you could do worse than point to Reg. Can there really be sense and meaning in a universe that allows a man like him to not only exist, but thrive in a corner of the world in which the basic challenges of survival are so readily met, so far from his withered, acetic caper of a mind that he has the time, energy and resources to spare for looking disdainfully at images of starving brown people he doesn’t want to see, and go on the internet and fucking witter about it?

In a world of order and harmony, Reg would not even be human. He’d be a miraculous, indestructible corn crop and a cold, fresh, clean spring in the most arid part of Sudan.

And if that’s not enough harrumphing for you, Tara’s dug up this fucker…

These days I always avoid drunken women. Drunken men are bad enough, but drunken women are an absolute nightmare. They’re not only irrational and violent like men; but spiteful and provocative in a uniquely female way. They’re also completely uninhibited sexually, whilst staggering about with more anatomy exposed than covered. They will fawn-over and aggressively flirt with anything in trousers, committing indecent assault almost as a matter of course in the name of `fun’. And if you decline their Amazon overtures, they will either explode into a paroxysm of rage and attack you themselves, incite their boyfriends or husbands to attack on their behalf, or claim that you assaulted them and attempted/committed rape. An obsession with rights has left them with a perverted sense of absolute and self-righteous liberty. Above all things; it is drunken women who have made inner-cities into Saturday night no-go areas for the sober and the sane.
Little Ted

Little Ted, gentleman sex offender, govt_helper with a better editor. He avoids drunken women like the plague. He avoids them by walking straight towards them and dispersing them with his powerful, natural repulsiveness.

If that doesn’t work, he avoids them by getting their partners to beat him up. Then failing that, he avoids them by encouraging them to press charges.

He doesn’t want to do any of this, and he wouldn’t have to if they’d only learn to behave and let go of their silly ideas about ‘rights’ and ‘living their lives the way they see fit’ and ‘expressing their sexuality’ and ‘wearing what they feel like wearing’, because apparently it’s not enough to just stick your cock into her fanny anymore, oh no, now you’re supposed to know what you’re doing with it as well, you’re expected to ‘pleasure’ and ‘satisfy’ her, and woe betide if you don’t, I mean what happened to the good old days when women didn’t really like sex and just pretended to in order to get pregnant and stop you going out and paying for it, and they stood by their man, however revolting he was, not finding attractive men attractive, because they were after more than that, or so they said, but it turns out they aren’t are they, they do want it after all, but then they pretend they don’t want it, and I’m sorry but they’re going to have to make their minds up, do they want it or don’t they, they can’t have it both ways. They need teaching a lesson.

Plus, binge-drinking is detrimental to their health.

But Lindsay still managed to find this tucked in amongst all that reasonable drivel:

We should bring back domestic service.
Full employment and self-worth and self-esteem for the servants (rather than relying on benefits), and their employers would have more free time to spend on worth-while occupations which require more intellectual creativity, such as politics, finance, etc, so benefiting the country as a whole.
alibongo, Dorset, UK

It is problematic, isn’t it, when the lower orders find themselves with rather too much leisure time, whilst the wealthy have so much on their plates they’re unable to focus on those areas of intellectual creativity – such as politics, finance, etc – to which they’re naturally more suited, having instead to think about dressing themselves and loading their own dishwashers and what have you.

Goodness, I’ve been pestered, I can think of no better word for it, I have been quite simply pestered by Mervyn King, asking – nay! begging – for a solution to all this economic crisis business.

“Dear Mervyn,” I tell him: “dearest, dearest Mervyn. I am sure that your task is every bit as bothersome as you say. However, I am quite unable to help as my mental resources are, at this moment, entirely focused on the hoovering.

“If only that grotty little man Gordon Brown had not rashly forbidden domestic service. The poor knew their place in the days before that ban. They were chirpy and good-natured, occasionally cheeky, but above all, pliant, and always grateful for a chance to address their social betters. ‘Cor blimey, half a crown!’ they would cry. ‘Fanks, guv’nor!’

“Now they belch and scowl and say things like: ‘GIVE ME YER FUCKIN WATCH NOW YOU POSH TWAT OR I’LL FUCKIN CUNT YER DICK UP YER ARSE!’

“I should wager a good twelve hours scrubbing the various congealed fluids from my breeches would soon bring them back to earth.”

I saw many shows on the old proscenium stage at Stratford and have also seen many on thrust stages, even in the round, inc. a brilliant Lear and equally fine Winters Tale at the temporary theatre just down the road. I much prefer the new configuration because, without elaborate front-only illusory sets and 2D actors, the plays revert for their effect to the essence of Shakespeare – the spoken words, the words, the words, acted by people whose physical presence can be felt. I would avoid seats that were too far round the sides of the horseshoe – but then the old theatre had loads of even worse seats crammed into it.
Llandscape

Ah, the theatre, the theatre, theatre! The smell of the greasepaint, the greasepaint, the greasepaint! By the way, you sound a bit like you’re falling down a mineshaft. Or maybe loitering around the end of an echoey dream sequence and muttering about how something or other “will haunt you forever… forever.. forever”. But anyway, thanks for the tip about the seats halfway round the horseshoe, the horseshoe, the horseshoe. I’m off for a sandwich… a sandwich… a sandwich. Ham and pickle… ham and pickle… ham and pickle.

God, what a naive question. I hate you.

Because, as we all know, there is a common thread of animosity that unites everyone misguided or ill enough to actually use – rather than laugh at or weep over – HYS, regardless of their own peculiarities. And the object of that single unifying hatred is anyone or anything which doesn’t share the subject’s own peculiarities. A virtual nation united in its divisions. It’s beautiful, really, when you think about it. Almost as beautiful as the little sick I just done on my keyboard while I was thinking about it. Almost, but not quite.

So this thread on women in politics is nothing less than a masterstroke. It truly has something to offer everyone. After all, any man can hate women, whatever his nationality, colour or creed. And for the ladies? Just pick one from the opposite end of the political spectrum and bathe in her blood.

No women Plumbers, mechanics, technicians, engineers. Where is the quota? Women don’t want to do these jobs or do they? How can women expect to lead with confidence when they are missing from a huge part of Industry
Adrian O sullivan Belgium

Big in student politics, eh? Got a bit of pull within the union, have you? Tireless activist, are we? Well, you’re not impressing Adrian. Your energy, ambition, revolutionary social policies and macroeconomic strategy won’t wash with him, not until you’ve fixed that boiler.

It depends on whether we want quality or quantity, and whether we are willing to accept a possibly larger percentage of delinquent children if mothers in general are too involved in social or political activities outside the home.
Max

This is a classic response to the feminist threat: when a member of the weaker sex displays those first ominous signs of independent thought, simply appeal to the womb-brained bint’s irrepressible nature. But who’ll look after the children? Think of the little babies!

It’s a tactic with a proud tradition. It failed in 1918, it failed in 1970 and it’s failing now.

This will most likely get moderated and yet it should be considered because it is relevant.

Consider: Female President of the USA + THREAT + PMT = Armageddon
Peter Buck

In between albums, the esteemed REM guitarist is currently exploring a parallel career as Rory McGrath.

There are simply too few Women up to the job or are simply too Female biassed to be fair. Harriet Harman – the extremely anti – anything Male MP – is ONE case in point.

I challenge the Media to hold a Survey of the Political knowledge of any ordinary Woman living in any ordinary street and publish the Results.

The only acceptable exception was Margaret Thatcher – she worked for the whole Country – NOT just Women…
Tez

Tez. Blokey blokey diamond geezer Tez. What is he? Is he a confused egalitarian? Is he a razor-sharp social satirist with a finely-honed instinct for corrosive irony? Or is he simply a pigshit-thick Sun reader waddling down a provincial high street at 1am on a Sunday morning, chilli sauce down his top, pants round his ankles, pathetically tugging at his lager-shrivelled cock?

Women in power scare me. Have you ever asked a women in power something and it seems she says no just because she can? Also, i think that the public looks to men more for their leadership. When you think of some official, what comes to mind, a woman or a man?
Locke

Say what you like about Locke – and I have: I’ve been saying he’s an embarrassment to anyone who ever owned a penis; I’ve been saying those women would have likely cauterised themselves shut before ever acceding to his grubby requests; I’ve been saying he’s a weak, whining, slimy column of trembling flesh barely fit for doner meat – say whatever you like about him, but at least he’s honest.

But that’s the fucking woolly liberal pansy way of looking at it. Enter AtillaIsBack, who weighed in several times on a CiF debate with an agenda all of his very own. That agenda? Try to demonise as many Middle England bugbears as possible, without resorting to evidence, reason or intellect.

Thanks, Tony!

It seems to me that none of these children have special educational needs. Their brains appear to be capable of functionning perfectly. All this SEN stuff is a load of gobbledygook, to disguise the fact that they have not been raised properly by their parents. Basically their parents probably did not talk to them and play with them in the way normal parents do. In that sense the Cons are correct.

So what is the solution? First thing stop giving single mums houses. The first mum sounds like a perfect example of bad women being able to breed because it is all handed to a plate on them, whilst responsible people are barely able to afford rent let alone a family. Let them live with their parents.

Second restore discipline. They’ll soon learn, without the expense of paying for all these extra staff members. If they know that you can make their lives hell and physically restrain them if they misbehave/ act violently/ or disrupt classes, then they’ll soon sit quietly. Once they sit quietly they will learn quickly.

Another tool, would be to force naughty children to do daily PE if they misbehave. Tiredness is the best way to make children sit quietly. The exercise would do them good.

Another point I would like to add is how many of these SEN children come from immigrant families. If it is a lot, which would not suprise me, then it shows yet another reason why immigration is just a massive expense to the taxpayer, requiring “multiagency professional” where none were needed when every pupil was from the British Isles.
AtillaIsBack

Textbook. Jab an accusing finger at single mothers and the poor, and then insist the way to salvation lies in approaches both completely nebulous, like ‘restoring discipline’, and depressingly prosaic, such as ‘beating the shit out of the poor sods’.

But wait! Can immigrants also be shoe-horned into this? Fuck, yes. You’ll find Atilla bending over backwards to oblige there, in just about the most laboured way imaginable: “I have no idea at all if x is responsible for y, but if I find out it is… ooh!”

And another thing…

Also how can 1 out of 5 people have special needs? That seems far too high to me. If that is the case we need to change our whole economy, because these people are not likely to be productive unless we restore maunfacturing or stop letting poles take all the trades jobs.

Hence I think the true causes are bad parenting, poor discipline and teaching, and no doubt lots of pupils who can not speak English properly. There must be millions of immigrant children and children of immigrants in UK schools. But the government can not admit to the absolute millstone they are around other pupils’ necks so comes out with all the SEN guff. The same goes for what I call the children of the welfare state. Children of drug addicts and the like. Labour would not dare admit that the wlefare state is collectively lowering our intelligence.
AtillaIsBack

Labour? Check. Welfare state? Check.

I wonder who else we can implicate in this whole sorry mess?

Feminism and neo-liberalism together are to blame for this situation.
AtillaIsBack

House!

But it’s the readers we’re interested in. And in equally typical fashion, their comments run the full gamut from patronising armchair psychology, through sanctimonious prickery, all the way to utter batshit mentalism. Some (most, probably) are simply horny. But almost all agree on one thing: ‘Juicy’ Jennifer Thompson’s most unforgivable crime is being, in their considered opinion, less attractive than Coleen Rooney.

Thanks go to Kris. Commence the unpleasantness.

Its the Beyonce generation ie do anything for money!!
Paul

Does Paul know something about Beyoncé that I don’t, or are his cultural references just very limited? Who knows? Who cares? I don’t. Next…

I hope she’s going to pay tax on that.
With the country’s finances as they are, earnings are earnings, and as her advertised ‘client’ probably avoids heavy taxes by using offshore accounts, it’s only fair she should contribute.
As she would be self-employed (sounds somehow wrong said that way), I suppose she should be able to charge for the pill, or whatever contraceptive measures she uses, BUT she should pay for the medical checkups to make sure she hasn’t caught any sexual diseases.
PeterH

Here we go. Practical advice from PeterH for any budding escorts out there, alongside an apparent suggestion that the service sector pick up any slack left by its wealthier customers’ creative accounting. Which is a great idea. Say next time Bob Diamond pops into the newsagents for some Red Mill, an HMRC official rushes in as soon as the transaction is complete and slaps a big old fuckin’ tax bill on the counter, as Diamond strolls out laughing with bits of corn snack fluttering from his mouth like golden snow. The government gets to pursue those unpaid receipts as aggressively as they like without scaring off the rich people, and the less rich get crushed in the process. Osborne’ll love it.

From the dawn of humanity, women have been the corruptors of men. Everybody remembers it was Eve who ate the apple and began the descent of humanity.
Jeremy Tapsill

Mrs Tapsill find the receipts again, did she?

Lets be honest if it wasn’t for his money he would have to pay to sleep with someone ironically …
Chris Butler

It’s true. I earn a pittance, and prostitutes only ever give me ironic sex.

Women must realise that men like both steak and burger. This escort is Wayne’s greasy cheap burger. Us men like greasy burgers once in a while but we always prefer the steak waiting at home.
Matty Hayes

If this comment isn’t bad enough by itself, you’ll shit when I tell you that Matty is really talking about an actual steak. He’s married to a steak.

The sick fuck.

how do the newspapers get all these pictures off facebook?
tom

Lust = anger
Jeff

tom, presumably, is after tips, but seems fairly harmless compared to Jeff, who I’m a bit concerned about, to be honest. If he isn’t already on some sort of register, can we please get him on one? Before it’s too late.

She has an exotic sexy look about her, but she is definitely not pretty or English looking,-maybe she realizes this and that’s why 1.)she feels the need to sell herself, despite not needing the money, and 2.) is obsessed with her appearance.

Shame on her, poor Colleen.
Miss B

And with unnerving clarity, Miss B has identified the real tragedy of Jennifer Thompson. Loveless childhood? Please! If there is a single, definable root to Thompson’s issues, it’s not looking English enough. If only she’d been born a bit less exotic and sexy, she could’ve had everything by now. Marriage, children, a £400,000 house of her very own husband’s own in which to pace back and forth, trapped, getting ever drunker and more desperate, scratching away at the paintwork until bittersweet freedom arrives in the shape of death or divorce… all of these things could’ve been hers. Damn that exotic, sexy look.

Some people just get dealt a bad hand.

Cease sex education immediately. What a lot of absolute tosh! In this world full of left wing do-gooder, liberal pansies, what do we need this nonsense for. We never had such a waste of time when we were at school, 50 or so years ago, and we found out what to do, as did the early cave men! We will be telling them how to use toilet paper next! Teenagers deserve what they get, as they have no moral scruples whatsoever, following in the footsteps of their parents. Don’t treat them on the NHS, but let them pay privately for their disease. Why should precious resources be diverted from real, and genuine sickness, to deal with the likes of some teenagers who, with their “sex education”, should know better!
grumpovian

Has grumpovian misunderstood the point of sex education, mistaking it for a simple how-to guide for youths so far out of touch with their essential natures in a digital age that they require step-by-step instructions in order to perform the most basic biological functions? Or is the raw, bleeding truth that he/she/it (I’m going to go with ‘it’) knows full well what sex education is, and simply wishes AIDS on the young?

If I wasn’t in a generous mood (and, as luck would have it, I’m not), I’d say the latter.