RADIO 4 - WORLD AT ONE
“I found it somewhat hilarious and then worrying that Martha Kearney nearly introduced us to the ‘Lesbian Treaty’. She almost said it, and I would expect more from a highly paid BBC newscaster.”
More complaints log. Thanks.
RADIO 4 - EXCESS BAGGAGE (TRAVEL PROGRAMME)
“Sandi Toksvig seems to be taking so many trips abroad and I hope that the BBC is not using licence fee money to pay for them.”
It’s ok, they post her.
RADIO 4 - NOW SHOW
“The guests on the programme described Gordon Brown as a ‘fat grunting Scotsman’. I believe the use of the term ‘Scotsman’ was pejorative and amounted to a racist comment. There was no need to mention that he was Scottish in a derogatory sense.”
I think the phrase they were searching for is “Englishly challenged”.
RADIO 5 LIVE - STEPHEN NOLAN
“There are too many discussions on homosexual issues. I’m sick of it.”
What do you expect on a channel with predominantly male listeners, about muscular, sweaty men and balls? Try Radio1, it’s not about anything and is aimed at people who haven’t got a fucking clue what they want.
GLASTONBURY 2008
“The quality of the camera work and singing is no better than a karaoke pub night.”
That must have been very frustrating for you. I bet you nearly turned over several times.
NEIGHBOURS
Annoyed that the BBC has lost the rights to broadcast the programme. “I can’t believe that the programme has moved.”
This was in the log for June 28th 2008. I was surprised to learn that “Neighbours” isn’t actually on the BBC any more. The last one was broadcast on the BBC on February 8th 2008 (I looked it up). Actually “surprised” is a little strong. I mean I was utterly uninterested to learn that Neighbours wasn’t on the BBC any more. But then I haven’t been tuning in and wondering what’s happened to it for three and a half months.
WIMBLEDON 2008
“Could someone please tell Sue Barker to take her hair out of her eyes, her hairstyle makes her look common.”
Sickening.
RADIO 4 - P.M.
“A journalist described Ana Ivanovic as being ‘lovely’. I think this was inappropriate. It’s sexist and unacceptable from the BBC.”
I just googled her and I have to say that she DOES have a fine ass. She’s probably awful though so I’m upholding your complaint. Heads will roll over this one or else the Queen will refund your licence fee.
RADIO 4 - TODAY PROGRAMME
Re. Bill Gates: “I am disgusted that the BBC doesn’t seem to think one of the responsibilities Bill Gates has is to combat child pornography on the internet. He produced the software and isn’t interested in tackling the problem. This should have been pointed out.”
You can’t hold him responsible for the way people use his software. Just because he personally designed and implemented “Microsoft Kiddieporn Studio 2008 (Express Edition)”, doesn’t mean he endorses the kiddieporn people create with it.
BBC NEWS AT ONE
“It was stated that the Queen costs everyone in Britain 60 pence. I dispute this as the Queen has her own assets and she actually gives money to the country.”
She bought me a cheese and onion pastie worth at least 80p so I’m 20p up this year already.
BBC NEWS CHANNEL
Re. Planned wind mills: “The report was biased in favour of the proposed increase of the number of wind mills in the UK. The report failed to mention the amount of fossil fuels that will be needed to build these wind mills or the size of carbon footprint this would create. Overall it was very one-sided.”
Don’t worry, we can “offset” the footprint by buying a fucking tree or something.
NORTH WEST TONIGHT
“I wish Tony Livesey would shave and smarten up. I don’t see why my licence fee should be used to promote his scruffy image. It makes me switch to ITV.”
Let’s hope you don’t see something completely bollocks on ITV too. You might end up having to turn the thing off! Think how shit that would be, staring at a blank screen for hours every day.
WEATHER
Annoyed that metric measurements are used rather than Imperial. “I feel that the BBC should not use this foreign temperature scale. I have been listening to the BBC since the war and you cannot change the British temperature scale that has been used for close to 300 years.”
It’s good that, as democracy, freedom and hard-won social justices are eroded, our public infrastructre neglected, our planet raped and our taxes siphoned into the pockets of corporate shareholders, there are tweedy, piss-soaked anachronisms like you bleating on about important shit like “foreign temperature scales”. In the years to come, the oppressed people of GREAT BRITAIN will meet in secret, away from the prying eyes of the state, and remember you as “another one of those small-minded shitwanglers who let this happen”.
More complaints.
RADIO 4 - GENERAL
“I am unhappy that the National Anthem has yet to be played on the station in honour of the Duke of Edinburgh’s birthday.”
RADIO 4 - WOMEN’S HOUR
“I thought the discussion on prostitution during Euro 2008 was one-sided and did not analyse the view that forced prostitution may not be taking place. There is still a vigorous debate around whether sex slavery exists. Investigations done into this matter have shown that the vast majority of women enter prostitution willingly. In my opinion, the notion that women are trafficked against their will is a myth.”
RADIO - GENERAL
Re. Weather presenters: “The tone of their voices goes up and down, something that I find quite irritating.”
NEWS CHANNEL
“The lady who was discussing Wednesday’s Commons vote on the 42 day terror detention, is a fabulous looking woman. I bet women all over the country envy her.”
NEWS AT TEN
“The report by Nick Robinson regarding the 42 day detention vote is very biased towards the EU. I wish the BBC would stop being so biased in favour of the EU and start looking at supporting the issues that will benefit the British public.”
BLUE PETER
“I wrote a short letter with photos attached to the team in 2003 about making stuff on the programme and they subsequently contacted me to explain that they were going to use my letter in the 2003 annual, which was also called ‘Book 32′. I have recently obtained a copy of the annual and have noticed that with my letter they have used someone else’s photos.”
GENERAL TV
“The BBC should do a programme that raises money for animal charities and call it ‘Animal Relief’.”
LOOK NORTH - REGIONAL TV
“There was an item about a refugee who is coming to the country and cannot get a job. I felt it was wrong to give him time on television to help his job search.”
TRAFFIC COPS
“I was featured on the programme, after being stopped for drink driving. At no time did I give my permission to the police or the BBC to broadcast this footage, especially as my face was not blanked out.”
I hope you had a word with the coppers who stopped you as well. It’s political correctness gone mad.
More newssniffer, this time: does marriage benefit society?
I didn’t want my boys running around with children of divorced or single parents, and they didn’t by their own choice. They have done much better financally and socially than their counterparts from unmarried households.
Therese Donnelly, Bellefontaine, United States
What about GAYS? They’re allowed children these days.
1. No sex outside of marriage.
2. Engagement, then marriage with certificate.
3. No sex outside of marriage.
4. Death/divorce certificate.
5. Repeat from 1.
Addendum: No marriage between close relatives.The practical benefit of this system is that any child will know who both their biological parents are. From this they know who their close biological relatives are. Sexual freedom with no paper trail leads to unintentional incest, which results in genetic problems in the offspring.
[programmer101], Cardiff, United Kingdom
Marriage prevents incestuous relationships. I think Kiki has an cast-iron answer to that, if a completely useless answer to the question at the top of the page.
The Frtizel children will need genetic counseling
- their mother is their sister,
- and their father is their grandfather.kiki fernando, london, United Kingdom
But here’s the idiot winner. I intend to find more of this cretin’s oral defecations.
If the wife or woman doesn’t do what she is told.
She’s out on her ear.
WOMEN….know your place !
They’ve had it far too easy for far too long.
Bah…Hippies have a got a lot to answer for.
[mugged_as_mp_laughs]
Bloody hippies. You can’t even have perfectly reasonable opinions anymore without being FORCED to sound like one of those Cholmondley-Warner sketches.
More goodness. Thanks.
RADIO 2 - STEVE WRIGHT
“I was so annoyed with Steve Wright’s approach to the weather report. I do wish he would use the correct words to describe the temperature. ‘Degrees Celsius’ is not an English term.”
As you’re nearly dead already, I hope you realise that none of us are going to give a greasy fuck about your campaign after you’ve gone. It’s completely noddy.
RADIO 2 - WAKE UP TO WOGAN
“I feel that the programme is becoming very smutty. Terry Wogan is turning into a dirty old man. It’s time he was taken off air.”
RADIO - GENERAL
“I believe that the BBC is responsible for the increasing gap between the rich and the poor in this country because it pays its presenters too much.”
BBC LONDON 94.9
BBC1 - NEWS AT 10
Re. Ethiopian crisis: “I found the pictures depicting starving children deeply distressing and totally unnecessary.”
What sort of cunt, when faced with a choice beteen “worrying about it” and “ignoring it”, chooses “trying to get someone else to ignore it for them”?
BBC1 - BREAKFAST NEWS
“It was a disgrace that the presenters did not wear black armbands when discussing the deaths of the troops in Afghanistan.”
Perhaps the presenters were Welsh and the troops who died were English so they didn’t feel they deserved special treatment over all the other thousands of people who died that day? Or maybe the presenters were from Cheltenham but the troops were from Gloucester? There’ll be a very good reason, anyway.
NEWS - GENERAL
“I am sick of the BBC reporting on famine and poverty in third world countries.”“There is far too much on the news about issues in countries that have very little relevance to people in the UK, such as Ethiopia and India. Viewers want to hear about news that affects us directly.”
Here’s some: Everyone you know secretly wants you to fuck off. Even your mum.
BBC YOUNG MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR
Felt that there was insufficient time given to the performances. “I was crying at the end of the final as I was so disappointed.”
DOCTOR WHO
“I would like a story to be created about Easter eggs being eaten and force fields being created.”
Someone deserves a medal for keeping a straight face here. I’m not sure whether it’s the caller or the person who logged it.
EASTENDERS
Felt that scenes of a violent nature were inappropriate. “There was a scene with a knife which was very disturbing. One character was stabbing a tub of butter. This was very insensitive.”
We need positive butter role-models for our kids. People who spread the stuff using sponges and teatowels maybe.
WEATHER
Annoyed that metric measurements are used rather than Imperial. “People do not understand when the BBC uses metric measurements, so why does it continue to be used? If the temperature is said to be 27, what is that?”
You’ll be pleased to know that the embolism that’ll finish you off is inching its way along an artery RIGHT NOW. Good old inches.
Thanks for another installment. Glad to see that the BBC managed to keep away from metric measurements for a change.
RADIO 4 - NEWS BULLETINS
“I objected to the BBC giving out temperatures on the weather forecast. If people want to know the temperature they will buy a thermometer. I believe the only reason you give out temperatures is because the EU tell you to.”
BBC.CO.UK
“I decide to take the ‘Conspiracy Test’ on the BBC website, however I opened the page numerous times and answered each question on each page with the same answer. At the end of each test it gave me the same answer. I would like to know why the BBC is trying to defraud me.”
NEWS - GENERAL
“I would like the BBC to investigate the CIA.”
WEATHER
“In the forecasts at 08.25 and 08.55 Chris Fawkes talked about ’spits and spots of rain’. This was not correct English.”
DERBY DAY
“I am annoyed that there is no coverage of the horses in the ring where you can look at them and choose which one you like best. All you can see is the horses at the starting line. That’s not much fun.”
GENERAL TV
“I’d love to see more traditional folk dancing on the BBC. Please encourage this lovely British custom.”
Finally added a category for the complaints log. I might call it “Retired Colonels” for the moment. Just so that no visitor to the site can find it unless they also happen to see this post.
Thanks for these fresh fruits.
RADIO 4 - SHIPPING FORECAST
“I cannot understand why the programme states conditions for certain areas. The programme should be more specific about the area. I do not know where these places are.”
Cromarty is just down past the Post Office. To be honest though, you should probably just let someone else drive the ship. Poop poop!
BASIL BRUSH SHOW
“A scene had the presenter operating on a person, and he pretended to give him gas to knock him out. Then, before operating, the presenter took some gas himself. In my view was glorifying drugs use, and suggested that a person can perform surgery if he or she takes drugs.”
I think I saw that episode. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the intoxicated surgeon was taking advice from a talking fox!
EASTENDERS
Feels that the programme contains too much violence. “If the BBC had listened to complaints I made years ago about violence in the programme we would not have the stabbings we have suffered recently. No one has taken any notice.”
Trust me, it’s not the violence that makes them get all stabby. A half hour of boring mockney bollocks about “faaaaaamly” is enough to tip anyone over the edge. It’s probably the reason you’re wasting time moaning about shit instead of getting on with your life.
QUESTION TIME
Felt that Grayson Perry was a poor choice of panellist. “I will never watch this programme again as there was a transvestite on the panel.”
I find it slightly depressing that this cunt has obviously sat through countless episodes of content-free debate before this finally pushed him(?) over the edge. He has listened to hours of war criminals, corrupt amoral shitheads and vacuous celebrity propagandists disagreeing over whether killing a few hundred thousand Arabs was a “good idea” or a “good idea that wasn’t funded properly”. Then some chap turns up wearing a dress and suddenly he can’t take it any more. I reckon Grayson Perry has done him a favour.
WEATHER GENERAL
Annoyed that metric measurements are used rather than Imperial. “The BBC should conduct a poll amongst listeners to see which they prefer, but it doesn’t because it knows they would be in the wrong as people prefer the Imperial system.”
MORNING COLONEL! You’ve got marmalade in your moustache again.
Give thanks for the latest installment. I’m still sat on a pile of these. Quality.
RADIO 2
“Why is the BBC using Fahrenheit instead of Celsius? It is political propaganda in my opinion.”“In this country legislation forbids the use of meters for distance. The use of the word ‘meters’ on the programme during the coverage of the earthquake in China really irritates me as a result.”
Shhhh. We’re lulling them into a false sense of security. Then Sebastian Coe is going to win the Olympics by running 400 yards instead of 400 meters. He’ll be wearing union-jack knickerbockers and an admiral’s hat.
RADIO 4
“There was very childish humour on the programme. All the talk of bums and tits was not funny and encourages bad language in children.”
It’s the only thing that makes “Go For It!” bearable.
NEWS AT 10
Re. Chinese Earthquake: “The BBC News is focusing on Schools. If an earthquake hits any part of Britain. We would have calamity on an enormous scale. Why are the BBC focusing on Schools. There are other public buildings that have been badly affected as well.”
Too right. Let’s get the library up and running first, or the kids will have nowhere to borrow books from when we’ve dug them out from under 5 meters of collapsed concrete.
THE ONE SHOW
“Neil Oliver said that potatoes used to cost a farthing a stone but I think it was actually one and four pence a stone.”
I’m pretty sure it was one and five pence. We can’t ALL be right.
READY STEADY COOK
Feels that Ainsley Harriott is a poor presenter. “His personal hygiene is disgusting. He never washes his hands before preparing food and has no consideration for the people who are eating his dishes.”
You’ve achieved something that I thought was impossible and made me want to defend that gurning nincompoop.
Complaints log again. Thanks!
RADIO 4 - FRONT ROW
“It was disgusting that someone said ’show me yours and I’ll show you mine’, during the programme.”
I bet you had yours out before you remembered that, even if Mark Lawson kept up his half of the bargain, you still wouldn’t be able to see it.
RADIO 4 - AFTERNOON PLAY: BEIJING’S SLOWEST ELEVATOR
“I was unhappy that the play featured China. I believe the Chinese eat dogs and cats and skin them alive for their fur and so the play shouldn’t have mentioned the country for this reason.”
Perhaps, if you close your eyes and rip a few pages out of your atlas, a billion Chinese people will wink out of existence.
RADIO 4 - IN OUR TIME
“I think the presenter should not break the programme into small segments.”
Maybe you could make your own program with NO GAPS AT ALL! Start right now! We’ll tell you when you can stop.
NEWS GENERAL
“I believe the BBC is biased when it comes to reporting on Zimbabwe. Robert Mugabe is constantly attacked, but I believe the BBC is trying to undermine him because of its out of date, colonial attitude.”
RIGHT ON! Let’s march on Broadcasting House!
COLDPLAY AT THE BBC
“I am very annoyed that this concert was funded by the BBC licence fee. It seemed that the main beneficiaries were the BBC staff who were watching from the balcony.”
You’re not the only person with a telly you know. Millions of us really enjoyed it. While you and the poor fuckers on the balcony were listening to their excruciatingly twee GCSE music coursework, we were all in the pub.
WEATHER GENERAL
“I have noticed that parts of Warwickshire are not even covered by the weather map used on the programme. I live in Rugby, and it is nowhere to be seen.”
RADIO 4 - THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The programme seemed to advocate homosexual marriage, which many millions would find repellent. I find it comparable to being thumped in the face by a fascist.”
That’s great news for millions of unmarried homosexuals who’d like to thump you in the face.