spEak You’re bRanes

Nothing like a thread on Mugabe to bring the amateur Mark Thatchers out of the woodwork.

As I said months ago, Mugabe will do whatever it takes, to stay in power.
Rick McDaniel, Lewisville, TX

If only we’d listened! Quickly, you need to alert someone important of these razor sharp insights. How about posting them on a website full of confused, prattling dullards squawking their fear of everything that doesn’t come sealed in foil, with a picture of their mum printed on it?

I think enough has been seen and heard to assume that most people want a regime change. The next election will obviously tell us nothing newand we have heard from the top of the Zanu PF party that they will not give up power no matter what the voters want.

So - what are the African and European states going to do?

I for one would chip in for a mercenary force to topple this government - it would not be very hard.
Jimbo, London

I love the idea of this guy going round Oxford Street shaking a tin: “Few coppers for a good cause mate? Yeah, we’re gonna raise an army and overthrow an African government. Nah, Zimbabwe actually. Thanks mate.” He probably thinks you can buy a mercenary force from Clinton’s cards.

Thanks to Bob.

The issue here isn’t one simply of crime. It’s the whole general attitude of today’s “yoof” that is the problem.

Intimidation
Lack of respect
Lazyness
Scruffyness
Lack of morals
Filthy language
Poor diction

None of the above things go through the courts, but they all influence how we perceive today’s youngsters.

When will those in power realise that you can’t decide policy from looking at pretty graphs and statistics - you actually have to get out there amongst the filth!!

Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

You’re one of those massive men with squeaky voices aren’t you? And the eyelashes of a cow? The sort of person who writes a letter to the council because your neighbour doesn’t keep his wheelie bins lined up straight against the wall. You work in public sector IT “support” but spend most of your time making squeaky, smug excuses like “Well, I could reset your password but not without a ‘Credential Change Request Form - CCF-ISG-CCR01′”. You have your own little corner that nobody else likes to go near in case they get a querulous lecture on how the tomato is actually a fruit. You actually think that you’re funny and that wearing a bowtie makes you look sophisticated and intelligent. Cock. They’d fire you if they thought they could prise you out from where you’ve got wedged behind that desk.

Something about knifecrime. Did you hear what I said? I said KNIFECRIME! Got it? KNIFECRIME!

If the wheatfield has weeds present, how do we cleanse the field and turn the weeds into wheat?
We can treat the symptoms (knifecrime), we can also try to treat the causes (Mr Tony Blair had 10 years to tackle this).
The basic cause surely influences more than knifecrime, and influences all crime? Burglary, theft, car crime, fraud, child abuse, rape, violence, murder, …
What are the government achievements to date in reducing the causes of crime? An update please, Home Secretary….
Justice Cocklecarrot, Auchtermuchty, United Kingdom

Did anyone else read this and expect the wheatfield analogy to come back? I was hoping we were going to bang Tony Blair against a metal grate until his chaff fell off. Or maybe grind up the “symptoms wheat” into “causes flour” and then bake a tasty “crime bun” or something. Sadly, it seems that Justice Cocklecarrot has limited RAM and forgot his opening gambit by the time he got to the next sentence. The Twat-O-Tron is genuinely more coherent than these people. It’s actually frightening.

Thanks to Phil. This smug fool’s tedious warbling seems to be channeling Timothy Claypole.

I am 61 retired .Have a degree in chemical engineering ,,,so have no background in tax matters ,,,But do understand basic Numbers ,,,Tis not beyond the whit of man to work out that the last budget ,,would cause problems ,,,To me now the change has been made ,,little difference ,,,I note one year only !!! ,, Tis all in events ,,yes and somethings just happen ,,I agree but Brown is a Disaster ,,,Does not even look like a PM ,,no . leading ,control
Methinks he should go ,, Now ,,,
W A Froud, Letchworth hers UK

I reckon that use of the word “methinks” on HYS is a 100% guarantee that the poster is an unbearably smug bollock. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong. Methinks you will fail.

I’ve got a raft of entries from this hilarious pig snatch. Although he (male I think) is a racist prick there’s also plenty of tragic comedy to be had in his consistently moronic posts. It all got even funnier when he mentioned that he’s 27 and suddenly my imagination dressed him in a bow-tie and had him listening to the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Here’s a first batch, concerning communism.

The UK should be very cautious of its ties with china until they abandon their archaic hold onto Communism (China, that is! Hard to tell who I mean with Labour in power, I know!) and continue to try and acquire Western military technology/data by surreptitious means.

I also will not listen to one more hypocritical word from this shower of a government with regards to “protecting the environment” and “green taxes” while they continue to encourage manufacturing in China.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

I love the idea of those sneaky Chinese peasants (with their bamboo trousers and hats made of rice) trying to sneakily steal all our brilliant technology and data. Any day now they’ll acquire the recipe for gun powder and THEN WHERE WILL WE BE?

But how slender does your grasp of politics and history have to be in order to think our government is communist? I guess it’s possible that he actually has a really solid grasp but has had his head wedged in some railings since 1993 and gets all his news third hand from his mum. She feeds him mashed up banana with a spoon and then tells him stories about the evil red threat and how it’s safest if he stays here, wedged between the bars with mummy, until Elrond has defeated Gordon Brown.

“Mr Brown should be ashamed that he has allowed his position as PM of this country to be used by a ruthless communist regeime.
Mark, Hednesford“

As I have been saying for many years now, the Labour party are merely Communists in disguise.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

It’s a VERY fucking good disguise.

Is this the beginnings of Cold War 2? Let’s hope so… it’s just the shake-up that Britain needs.

A call to arms will soon sort the wheat from the chaff. Or should I say the willing from the chavs?
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

What sort of hippo’s cock actually thinks a war would be good way to have a “shake-up”? The sort of startlingly misinformed Young Conservative who thinks the Cold War was actually a war, that’s who. We should round up all these sabre rattling idiots, give them guns and put them on opposite sides of a big field and shout “Go!”. Part of me hopes that they’d kill each other but it seems more likely that they’d hide in a ditch and wet themselves instead (to be fair, this is by far the sanest response and I suspect a great deal of army training is based around overcoming this instinct).

I’ve got loads more from him. Most of these prats post 10 boring racist rants for every comedy gem but this cunt is accidentally hilarious almost every time.

Another from the racist thread.

I am white, middle class and a liberal internationalist politically and have been deeply involved in human rights, multi-cuturalism and inter-faith work. But, I am now massively alienated from the moral relativist agenda of the elites of the liberal left.
Many white working class people believe that the PC elites despise them and want to destroy their identity. From much of what I have seen, I fear this is partially true. I am now repudiating liberalism as I see it as deeply harmful to society.
dan

That reminds me of the time Hitler rose to power and I had to repudiate socialism and moustaches.

Thanks to Chris for finding this chap. I particularly enjoyed this one from the debate on smacking.

I had a dream last night.

My son was chewing an electrical cable, I decided not to smack him, but told him off in a very forceful manner.

HE’S DEAD NOW!
[spanner345]

You’ve certainly made me think twice about whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to say.

Though I think my favourite is this one from “Should we encourage outdoor play?”

As most sex offenders are close family members, the safest place for a child is outdoors, playing away from the family.

This sounds totally crazy, but it is sadly, probably true.

Get the kids outside climbing trees e.t.c., it’s good for ‘em.
[spanner345]

Whilst it’s good to hear someone taking a stand over this, you should bear in mind that over 60% of paedo-fiddlings actually occur up or near a tree. Also, it enables paedos with gas-bombs to just gas-bomb the tree and then wait for the children to fall out into a blanket, like so many monkeys. THINK BEFORE YOU POST.

It was a tragic end to a wide spoken romance. Anyway now Diana is dead. No matter who is responsible for the death, the world has lost a lady who had a sympathetic heart for the poor. She would be always remembered by millions of her loved ones.

According to Buddhism if someone has done something wrong he or she has to face the repercusions of it. So we should not worry by thinking that the law did not punish the culprits. Whoever they are they will get what they deserve in time to come.
Sarath Fernando, Colombo

Sarath is coming back as a yeast infection.

Thanks to Karen for finding this one in a Times Online article about a baby born with two faces.

If she does end up being viable then this opens fascinating questions: will she develop as one person or two? Will she speak through both mouth at the same time or will she be able to talk to two different persons at the same time yet having only one individuality?

Indeed the four eyes blink together so the two brains are heavily connected and synchronized, but she might develop an imbalance between the two brains if for example her mother always talks to one face and not the other.

In fact she might have to be considered as an entirely new species since her cognitive abilities may well be completely beyond anything humans can do.

Jon, Nottingham

The best way to prevent her developing a brain imbalance is to glue her to a rotating platform so that everyone has to talk to both faces equally. We should also keep her in a perspex box, guarded by the X-Men, in case she turns out to be able to control metal WITH HER MIND.

On Zimbabwe’s “election”.

Rural areas in Africa as much in Europe and Asia represent the less socialy and democratelly matured people and therefore are the one that may cast theyr vote under emotional/revolutionally feeling which minimise any possibility of unbiased critical analysis for the nation’s needs.
Giuseppe Bonaccorsi, Pretoria, South Africa

Yeah. Stupid thickie farmers with their big fat hands and tiny piggy eyes.