spEak You’re bRanes

Should murder laws be changed so that the wife you’ve chained to the cooker can knifecrime you in the face while you’re delivering her nightly post-pub slap?

I agree that there is a difference between cold blooded murder, and someone killing a partner out of fear and desperation. However, if these changes are not implemented with caution, we will see a leap in cases where one has been killed by their partner, and the partner will make the case that they were being abused, whether or not it’s true.

What next? “My client was driven to kill her husband because he kept leaving the cap off the toothpaste!”

Jethro Tull, Kent, United Kingdom

A very good point. Obviously the people drafting the law haven’t considered your cunning loophole. I’ll write to them - in case the nurse won’t let you have the crayon today - with a letter saying, make sure you check people’s stories when they say they were being abused - don’t just let them off with it! I’ll suggest they get about 10 or 14 people to agree whether they think the right decision’s been made too.

Another sexist law to benefit women. So now someone who, of their own free will, stays with a partner who beats them up is allowed to kill them and not be charged with murder.

There is a great amount of help for women (but not men) who are victims of domestic violence so there is no excuse for staying with them.

I don’t condone domestic - or indeed any - violence toward women, but murder is murder.

[Mark_in_Wilts]

These wily women, Mark. Back when I was seven I wrote a swear on Marie-Claire Armstrong’s pencil case. Next thing I know I’m 26, she’s contacting me through friends reunited and we’re married after a whirlwind romance. Within six months she had me mounted in a strange marionette device which forced me to beat her up every night and formed my vocal chords into shapes which made me say the most horrible things about her. Finally I got weirded out and left her, but with the benefit of your perspective it occurs to me she was forcing me into it so she could fit me up and get away with killing me. Lucky escape, I see now.

Okay, so now that political correctness and the nanny state has proven that it is a complete failure when can common sense and liberty be reinstalled into this country?

I am sick of watching criminals get away with it while the victim is treated with no justice and no protection.
Bring back hard discipline for hard crimes, stop molly coddling to human rights that criminals exploit and the victims have none.

Just Another HYS Ranter, United Kingdom

I hear the nanny state’s next move after keeping murder illegal is to not decriminalise rape.

Murder is murder and should be punishable by life in a proper jail, not the 5 star hotels they are kept in now.
Anyone committing murder is scum and has no right to enjoyable life, the person they killed doesn’t get a second chance at life so neither should these people. No rehab, no time off for good behaviour, no privileges, just sit in a conrete cell until death because that’s what is deserved.

[speaking_my_mind]

True, true. The wife and I booked two weeks in Pentonville last summer (tax fraud, decent lawyer, cost us less than Majorca would have, all told) and you literally wouldn’t believe how lovely it all was. This lovely fellow named Stabber showed us how to make a shiv from a spoon, oh the games we played!

I’ve been reading posts by the poignantly tragic Jack Taft. He posted this first one in both “Who would be your dream duet?” and “How can the battle against drugs crime be won?”. I think it works well in both.

God rest his soul but a duet of Luciano Pavarotti and Paul Potts singing the Nessun Dorma.

Opera was never my thing but Luciano and Potts changed that for me, and I suspect, many others too.

Jack Taft, Birmingham, United Kingdom

It was a bit like when Nigel Kennedy turned the world of classical music on its head by wearing a denim jacket.

This one is from “Are some subjects tougher than others?”.

What in the name of all that is unholy is a GCSE in “Citizenship”?
[Vulpus_rex], London, United Kingdom

I took the subject two years ago, in yr9, yes my school just wanted to get it out of the way and not interfere with proper subjects, quite right of them too, looking back on it i realise there was a large element of the exam that tested how politically correct you were.

Labour’s Citizen, no wonder I failed then…
Jack Taft, Birmingham, United Kingdom

How the gibbering fuck do you fail any GCSE these days? Did you accidentally wipe your arse on it or something? All you had to do was pretend, for 60 minutes or so, not to be a racist. Even the BNP can manage that.

Thanks to John. “Should the government fund Muslim scholars?”

One word NO i work in Japan my wife is Japanese when i am there i do as someone here as said, when in rome do as the Romans do, the Japanese like this way as well.I think Japan as got it right no to Muslim ways and you dont see many over there as well i dont go over as a Englishman when there i obay there laws they dont bend backwards for us why should we I AM PROUD ENGLISH GUY do as our law says stop giving in you spineless goverment with whats his name Brown yes thats it the worst ever
steve, wigan

I’m guessing that your wife is either astonishingly thick or else can’t speak English. Otherwise she’d be able to tell that she married someone astonishingly thick who can’t speak English.

Thanks to “Very Tenables”.

why is it always council employees go on strike - do they not think that ordinary people are struckling - i am an office worker but no matter what i am ordinary people ie joe public we are all suffering from high prices get on with it - you get paid enough to say if a bin is too heavy i am not empting it or if as described in the press lately if i cant pull a bin by my finger im not empting it what are you being paid for ????????? i
conroy, burnley

What exactly do you do in an office? Draught excluder?

It’s been a while since we heard from Lorna Pope. This was about excessive drinking.

is it not up to the person drinking to say i have had enough, when your an adult you don,t need your mother to tell you to wash behind your ears if you cant be responsable dont go out simple.
lorna pope, WIRRAL, United Kingdom

You’re a true libertarian. At some point we just have to trust people to do what’s right.

By way of reciprocation, I’m putting my faith in you Lorna. Next time you have an opinion about something (you’ll be able to tell because you’ll feel your lips moving for about a minute beforehand) make sure it’s not astonishingly stupid before you post it on the internet. I’m counting on thickies like you, with a mental age of “bassett hound”, to be responsible for realising exactly how simple you are. Simple.

What’s the worst cover version of all time? The consensus seems to be “Gordon Clown and Nu Liar-Bore” as usual, yet some people are still confused:

What’s a “cover song”? I might recognize one if I heard it but I’m not familiar with that term.
Scott W, Port Orchard, USA

No matter Scott W, Port Orchard, USA doesn’t know what a cover song is. There’s no shame in not knowing stuff. Sherlock Holmes never knew that the earth revolved around the sun, Isaac Newton didn’t know about girls, and I have no idea why Scott W, Port Orchard, USA thought asking HYS was the best way to solve his query. It would take less than half the keystrokes to google it, save him one of his precious two posts an hour on the debate, and, best of all, not make him look like a confused old fart in front of the entire internet. Also, if he ever does get an answer from some kindly racist maniac, not only will it be lost in a sea of reactively-moderated drivel, but it will probably be incoherent, wrong and mostly about immigrants.

The only possible explanation I can think of is that, not content with being completely clueless, he wants to show the world just how many things there are that he has absolutely no idea about.

Could be worse mind - I remember once a comment got to fourth place despite beginning “I dont know much about him…”.

Thanks to Joe for sending me this one in March or something. No idea what it’s about.

God revolutonary !
Maybe I wont vote National Front after all.
Tim Married ( to a woman )two kids worked everyday since I left school
Taxed to death and becoming a minotity !
*TIM*, CHELTENHAM

Sounds nasty.

Thanks to Chris.

the idea that song lyrics are good sadly is a missguided concept. not since the early eighties has popular even resembled human speach. its endemic of poor quality university studies to analyse song lyrics, either they cant learn anything worthwile or it realy is true that with higher learning you lessen common sence and these are our future polititions well now i understand new labour sadly i can honestly say i feel a deep shame to say im british.
[delminister], truro, United Kingdom

I went to see Public Enemy last night. Imagine my surprise when a couple of African-looking gentlemen jumped up on stage and started shouting incomprehensible gobbledegook from the ghetto.

Thanks to Phil. This smug fool’s tedious warbling seems to be channeling Timothy Claypole.

I am 61 retired .Have a degree in chemical engineering ,,,so have no background in tax matters ,,,But do understand basic Numbers ,,,Tis not beyond the whit of man to work out that the last budget ,,would cause problems ,,,To me now the change has been made ,,little difference ,,,I note one year only !!! ,, Tis all in events ,,yes and somethings just happen ,,I agree but Brown is a Disaster ,,,Does not even look like a PM ,,no . leading ,control
Methinks he should go ,, Now ,,,
W A Froud, Letchworth hers UK

I reckon that use of the word “methinks” on HYS is a 100% guarantee that the poster is an unbearably smug bollock. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong. Methinks you will fail.

Thanks to Bob, who reckoned this one was computer generated. I reckon it looks real. Anyway, it’s goaded me into building a HYS generator. I think I’ll do it soon*.

Cannabis should not even be aloud it just ruins peoples lifes. Ban drugs altogether, whoever made them just wanted to escape their life, but they didn’t know that they can’t escape prison. Anyone who is thinking of taking that drug don’t there are consiquences!

Thanks
Georgina, Bolton

Thanks! Your post was like a slap in the face. It made me realise that I’m only doing this to try and escape my life. I might print it and hand out copies to the crack addict prostitutes on my way home. In fact, I was planning to head down to Boots at lunchtime, buy a plastic tube from the beer brewing section and then blow half a gram of ket up my arse (in the comfort of a public toilet). I’ve nearly changed my mind now and will probably just have a cheeky line and a sniff of Tippex.

*within 15 years.