spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Chris.

the idea that song lyrics are good sadly is a missguided concept. not since the early eighties has popular even resembled human speach. its endemic of poor quality university studies to analyse song lyrics, either they cant learn anything worthwile or it realy is true that with higher learning you lessen common sence and these are our future polititions well now i understand new labour sadly i can honestly say i feel a deep shame to say im british.
[delminister], truro, United Kingdom

I went to see Public Enemy last night. Imagine my surprise when a couple of African-looking gentlemen jumped up on stage and started shouting incomprehensible gobbledegook from the ghetto.

Thanks to Phil. This smug fool’s tedious warbling seems to be channeling Timothy Claypole.

I am 61 retired .Have a degree in chemical engineering ,,,so have no background in tax matters ,,,But do understand basic Numbers ,,,Tis not beyond the whit of man to work out that the last budget ,,would cause problems ,,,To me now the change has been made ,,little difference ,,,I note one year only !!! ,, Tis all in events ,,yes and somethings just happen ,,I agree but Brown is a Disaster ,,,Does not even look like a PM ,,no . leading ,control
Methinks he should go ,, Now ,,,
W A Froud, Letchworth hers UK

I reckon that use of the word “methinks” on HYS is a 100% guarantee that the poster is an unbearably smug bollock. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong. Methinks you will fail.

Thanks to Bob, who reckoned this one was computer generated. I reckon it looks real. Anyway, it’s goaded me into building a HYS generator. I think I’ll do it soon*.

Cannabis should not even be aloud it just ruins peoples lifes. Ban drugs altogether, whoever made them just wanted to escape their life, but they didn’t know that they can’t escape prison. Anyone who is thinking of taking that drug don’t there are consiquences!

Thanks
Georgina, Bolton

Thanks! Your post was like a slap in the face. It made me realise that I’m only doing this to try and escape my life. I might print it and hand out copies to the crack addict prostitutes on my way home. In fact, I was planning to head down to Boots at lunchtime, buy a plastic tube from the beer brewing section and then blow half a gram of ket up my arse (in the comfort of a public toilet). I’ve nearly changed my mind now and will probably just have a cheeky line and a sniff of Tippex.

*within 15 years.

Thanks to Kara for finding these in The Sun. Too easy I know, but she bothered to take pictures so they’re going in. They’re a bit hard to read so the text is here too.

GIVE the men n women in UK forces all our support n 5-star accom. N string up murderers!
MARK, Preston, Lancs

I really love the dedication to using “n” and the careful use of an upper case “N” at the start of the sentence. N also the complete non-sequitur.

JUDGES who give lenient sentences to paedos are hiding hidden desires themselves
ANON

I think people who spend most of their time being conspicuously outraged about paedos are probably paedos. It’s a bit like the whole “he who smelled it dealt it” thing. You really can’t win. Especially not if you’re a horrid, yellow-fingered paedo.

Thanks to Jo.

I have a shore fire way to stop terrorism. Remove the follows of the religion that must not be named from Britain, and then the rest of the free world.
Aussie Pride, Cronulla, Australia

I’ll pop it in the suggestion box along with my idea for curing athlete’s foot by burning everybody’s feet off with a special foot-removing cream.

Haven’t posted any of Lorna Pope’s astounding stupidity for ages. It seems that a small pool of saliva has shorted her capslock key again.

“Are smaller schools better?”

WOULDN,T SMALLER SCHOOLS MEAN LESS TEACHERS WITCH WOULD MEAN MORE CHANCE OF THE KIDS RUNNING RIOT.
lorna pope, WIRRAL, United Kingdom

I guess so. There’s pros as well as cons though. Let’s weigh them up:

Pros

• Smaller riots
• Smaller windows - less risk of broken glass
• Smaller playground - less likely to end up as a Tesco
• Tiny roof tiles - much cheaper than normal size roof tiles
• Very small doors - keeps out all but the tiniest paedos

Cons

• Less dinner lady - sometimes only half a leg
• Tiny exercise books much harder to mark
• Whilst paedo attack risk is lessened, any successful attacks are extremely dangerous as the paedo is able to abduct large numbers of children in a single handful
• Children grow fast - classrooms quickly buckle as they expand
• Extremely difficult knitting tiny teatowels for nativity play

Thanks to some chap who sent me this.

the world is heading four a world food crisis.yes it is. was the world ment to be tar macked over no. and cemented over no. we are sufacatin the earth. the earth is ment to breath.earth is a living thing. just like humans. this is wy we will have a world food crises.. but will leaders of the world listen no. only whene its to late.are wee listening to the ads epedemic no. you only have to open your eyes to see this. mans ignarence will be his down fall.
victor stevens, foxton.cambridge

do victor’s hooves hinder his typing. yes they do. should victor have huffed all that scotchgard this morning no.

From “Should UK adopt aspects of Sharia Law?” and “How should we teach children to read?”

As if people were not resentful enough of the continuing attack on our heritage / culture / values, here comes another left-wing liberal traitor spouting counter-productive new age bilge about multiculturalism and social cohesion.

The bottom line is this; if all the left wing traitorous drips stopped being offended on other peoples behalf, stopped forcing us to tread on egg-shells around minorities, and basically just SHUT UP, then maybe we’d all get along a little better!!
L Evans, Birmingham, United Kingdom

How do people end up being this stupid?

In years gone by, there was little entertainment so it was easy to get drawn into books.

Today there’s any number of consoles/games/chatrooms available to kids; why would they be interested in Books or reading??

Face it, reading is boring.
L Evans, Birmingham, United Kingdom

Ah.

Three words come to my mind:- THE BRITISH NATIONAL PARTY

gets my vote
[Liberal_left_bias]

Ah, so close.

“Heath Ledger found dead: Your reaction”

Heath who???
Ronald Dubbs, Florida, United States

Heath LEDGER. It says it at the top of the page, dullard.