spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Glenn.

I am a white, anglo-saxon MARRIED male with a white nordic wife & children – all my OWN children to my ONE wife, each fluent in 3 languages (English being the first & foremost), all educated, qualified, employed, & paying tax.

We are now the minority and are disadvantaged courtesy of this Gov and their regressive social engineering.

If we took our case to court we’d be laughed at! When can I get my grant? Are we supposed to accept racial, class, caste & religious slurs without recourse?

[Fly_n_finn]

Oh come now [Fly_n_finn]. You don’t have to go all the way to court to be laughed at.

Thanks to Nikki. Martin from Ashford has some novel answers to all a child’s difficult questions.

11. What happens when we die? A The Labour government takes all your money
12. What is a prime number? A Any number the Prime Minister thinks of to lie about the debt
13. Is god real? A No, because if SHE were, Hattie Harman would be a good driver
14. What makes thunder? A Normally Gordon Brown throwing a printer across the office
15. Why do you blink? A Because it’s hard to believe Gordon Brown is still in a job
16. Where do babies come from? A Cheap lager + a free house + benefits = baby
17. How do planes fly in the sky? A Al Qaeda keep asking the same question
18. What is time? A What we do when we’re not flogging our guts out to pay Gordon Brown’s taxes
19. How does Father Christmas get down the chimney? A there’s no such person, just a skinny kid thieving your DVD player
20. Where does water come from? A According to the BBC from global warming.

Martin, Ashford

It looks like the idea is that, instead of actually thinking and giving useful information, you just make up a bunch of incoherent wank based on your own half-baked opinions and the very little you actually know about anything at all. I felt like helping so I’ve done the same with questions one to ten.

1. How is electricity made? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
2. What are black holes? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
3. What is infinity? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
4. Why is the sky blue? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
5. Why do we have a leap year? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
6. How do birds fly? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
7. Why do onions make you cry? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
8. Where does wind come from? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
9. Why is the sea salty? A Martin from Ashford just had a accident.
10. How big is the world? A Quite big. Martin from Ashford just had a accident.

I LIKE PARKING. I wish I could park wherever I want, but I can’t because of PC. I want to park right near the supermarket, because I am very busy and have lots of important opinions to disseminate. But I can’t, because I’m not disabled. So why should some oversized sprog-factory have it any better?

More politcally correct nonsense that will cost millions and be widely abused. Why doesn’t this government do something useful and face up to the desperate financial state they have left us in rather than come up social engineering projects like this?

Betrand Russell

You can’t be the real Bertrand Russell. The real B.R. would never use the term ’social engineering’ without mentioning the special spaces for one-legged pregnant black lesbians with small refugee children in a Muslim wheelchair.

Pregnant women are already set to raid my pay packet via the tax system, I would rather they did not take up parking spaces as well.

Maxell Fellows

It’s a good point Maxwell, but as always, isn’t the root of the problem really just other people existing in general?

Another great idea of Britains namby pamby outlook on life.Pregnency is a wonderful thing in life,not a illness,people used to say only in America,thats changed to only in the U K,pathetic.

Mark Wilson, Bracknell

Wonderful’s right! It’s that beautiful kind of “pregnant glow” they get about them, isn’t it? I know it’s only sweat, but there’s still something magical there. So it stands to reason that they’ll only get more lovely the further you make them haul the shopping.

I bet it’s the blokes who disagree ! Ever tried waddling around and manoeuvring in the last months of pregnancy ? Yes, of course they should. Be kind.
[smilingparrotfan]

Then send your partner or a friend.
Men dont have it easier than women. You wouldnt let us
wayne, lancashire

Does it feel better now? All that burning anger from reading the words ‘women’ and ‘given’, has it subsided, or will you need to punch something and have another wank?

In the mid 70’s my wife worked as a delivery driver driving one of the old style mini vans – they were small!

She was in and out of that van all the time all day long. She worked up to the week before she gave birth to our second son.

We used to laugh as she tried to get in and out from behind the wheel, but thought nothing of it.

Now children are being overly mollycoddled, let’s not start on the mothers to be.

Brown Fitz Darling, Ripoff, United Kingdom

We should be raising our pregnant women to ‘ave a sense of discipline, by ‘eck. Why, back when I were a lad I’d send me pregnant mother five miles int’ snow wi’ no shoes on just to take a book I ‘adn’t read back t’ library, then when she came back I’d punch her int’ stomach. Never did me any ‘arm.

Of course, science has proved where ghosts come from. Sometimes a soul will leave this life and not be able to find its way to the utopia that awaits beyond the veil. Instead they get trapped in a place they don’t belong, repeating the same behaviours over and over, slipping with time into irrelevance and anachronism.

The same thing sometimes happens with turgid tax-obsessed wankers who can’t find their way to HYS, so they bollocks up other perfectly good websites instead.

It could be a site about courgette farming. Ray_A could have been discussing the importance of the bowline to short-term canal boat mooring procedures. None of that matters to JohnnyBimmer (a man who defines himself by owning a BMW – bet he’s a riot at parties!). He literally cannot talk about anything but how much he hates the concept of tax.

Ray_A – yes fantastic. Now evidence a single success of a penny of the £££millions spent by Regional Development Agencies. These quangos are just another way to siphon public money into corrupt vehicles. There gas been no “reduction” in taxation, you’re fooled by slight of hand. The Labour socialists tax take from the economy has risen to over 50% of GDP. That’s generous, i estimate it nearer 60%. Labour has spent this country into oblivion, the tax take to bail out this bankrupt institution is going to get far worse in coming years because Labour have spent so much (everything) they’ve deferred the debts/payments. You in Govt employ?
JohnnyBimmer

BMW called. They asked you to stop using their name because even the cunts’ cunts who drive BMWs think you’re a cunt’s cunt.

I found the “Should respectable middle-class parents be allowed to cheat the system so their gifted children don’t have to mix with oiks and foreigners?” debate and thought it would be a good hunting ground, but then I lost it. Thanks to Alex for helping me find it again. I didn’t realise it would be this fertile. Typical offering:

This country is run by lunatics!

I dont blame ANY parent who attempts to cheat the system if it’s in the best intrest for their child!

When we dont have major problems with crime, illegal wars, illegal immigrants, anti social behaviour, a broken justice system, lack of prisons, bent politicians and banks widdling our money away THEN and only then will I worry it! Somone who wants the best for their child shouldnt have to face this “idiocracy”.

Adam Stasiak, Darlington

Yeah BBC, before you go laying into parents for illegally trying to set their kids up for a better life, why not sort out lawbreakers, all those MPs and bankers fiddling the system, and all those foreigners using public services they’re not entitled to. Also Adam, I’m not sure if you know what the word ‘idiocracy’ means, but I wouldn’t write it off if I were you, as ultimately it really could work in your favour.

Why wouldn’t a loving parent with the best interests of their child at heart, be prepared to scam their way into a decent school, when the corrupt government which presides over us thinks nothing of stealing millions of pounds of taxpayers cash a year without a care of retribution?

If it’s good for the pigs in Westminster, it’s good for the rest of us to be as corrupt.

Withnail Xtreme, Camden Town

Can you just give it a rest for five minutes? There is other news you know.

As working hard citizens exploided by this corrupt, champagne socialist goverment our only weapon to defend us is cheating as much as we can with the school system, with taxes, with smoking in some venues, the comunist TV license, etc. I´m cheating and I will forever until this circus full of clowns AKA NuLabour dissapears forever.

jono onos, London

Note how Alex’s find, in his rage at Britain’s government and institutions, is not just totally, utterly and furiously indifferent to the existence of a single other human being on the planet, but, with all that unrelated crap about the fag ban and the telly-tax, we also have a rare case of someone whose incoherent torrent of bile actually required a bit of padding out.

Uh Oh- I feel another nulabour draconian legislation coming on. Council officials are about to be given the power to strip search a parent and send them to jail for fifteen years after bugging their house and following them with a video camera to prove that they have committed the heinous crime of trying to give their child a better education.

[ash101437]

You’ve got a colourful imagination Ash, I’ll grant you, but you’re up against some heavyweights in the dystopian novel genre, and there’s also a lot of bantam-weight competition just on BBC Have Your Say. Do you really think you can pull this one off?

The Mail reports a court ruling that benefits overpaid as a result of OFFICIAL ERROR – that’s: OFFICIAL ERROR – can no longer legally be clawed back. Cue vibrating parade of point-missing…

This action is about right for LABOUR. Gordon Brown has no respect for our taxes, anyone can fiddle them or be over paid and do not have to pay them back, or paid back over 77 years. Brown seems to forget the people of this country has to work very hard for the money he is squandering.
BRING ON THE ELECTION to get rid of this incompetent government.
Maggie, Cheshire

You’re right, Maggie. The current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is doing a shit job with these benefits and legal rulings. Instead of personally overseeing every single award issued by the DWP, he should delegate decisions on benefit claims to, ooh, let’s say, civil servants. And maybe he could entrust the application of law to… hey! How about the judiciary?

unbelievable; here’s my wallet help yourself
rob, a taxpayer, chesham, bucks

That’s basically how it’ll work, rob, a taxpayer (I see what you did there ha ha most amusing): rather than simply write off overpayments that have already been made from a pool of public money to which you’ve already contributed, the DWP will send large men called Wayne round to strip your home of valuables, empty your bank account and give everything to the first person they see wearing a tracksuit.

Then they’ll shit in your dinner.

And give that to a tramp.

now if they where politicians they would get off with it
jon uk, uk

There’s a lot of righteous fury in this thread about the expenses scandal. Which is to be expected, given that the expenses scandal has been making the news again recently, what with Sir Thomas Legg very much not letting these bloody politicians get off with it.

Cheers, though.

So who made this mistake? Some idiot cost the nation an absolute fortune. Name?
Rick, Scunthorpe, Lincs

Gordon Brown, forgot to carry the fucking 1 or something, didn’t he? Haven’t you been listening? God.

Shock confession from our old friend [mugged_as_mp_laughs].

Well, I realised the importance of education, got my GCE ‘A’ levels, got several good telecomms jobs (because I had a ‘brain’), bought my modest house, saved a lot for the future and retired at 51.

Keep working ? You’re having a laugh.

Keep LEARNING more like.

Now when I wake up each day, I say to myself, ‘What shall I buy today ? or ‘which holiday shall I book ?’.

Best of all, I contribute ZERO income tax to this broken country.

Life is good.

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

Golden rule of tax bores. Never, ever, EVER admit you don’t actually pay taxes. It really, really fucks your shit up. Observe:

Ms Lane Fox, the UK’s Digital Inclusion Champion

Who ?????

How much am I paying for this waste of space ?

Did we elect her ?

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

Nothing. You don’t pay income tax, remember? Assuming you leave your house long enough to walk on the pavement and use a pelican crossing, you’re most likely a net drain on the public purse, albeit a middle-class one who can spell. This “waste of space”, unlike you, actually puts into the kitty and does something mildly productive with her time. The real question is how much she is paying for you. Because the poor woman’s clearly getting ripped off.

Man that felt good. Shall we have another one?

Actually. the Tunnel AND Bridge were FULLY paid for by us years ago, and I believe ALL the toll fees now go to benefit Essex and Kent County Councils.

So when it is sold, it will be a double whammy for them.

So much for helping the people.

Brown is such a child when it comes to Business.

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

Did you know Tagalog has two forms of ‘we’; one including the listener and one not? Well [mugged_as_mp_laughs] has gone even further and developed a form of ‘us’ that doesn’t include the speaker.

And from just where does the UK Gov’t obtain it’s funding?

[lorderkules], Leeds .

Actually, It’s ME !!!!!

One of the millions of hard working mugs who are forced to pay taxes to prop up this pathetic third world country.

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

This “ME !!!!!”… It’s a long shot maybe, but it wouldn’t, by any chance, mean “other people” would it?

Well, thats another 57 MILLION pounds (the cost of setting it up) of OUR money gone then.

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

Excuse me, I’m sorry, whose money?

Personally, I don’t feel it is a UK Government responsibility to give OUR money to any foreign country.

If someone came to my house and demanded money to give to Oxfam, I would soon tell them where to get off.

I choose to give my money to UK Animal charities.

How DARE the Government deign to decide for me what to do with my charitable disposable income ?

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

You should try withholding income tax, like Noam Chomsky. You’d probably adjust to it quite easily.

State Pension at 66 in 2016 ?????

Well that’s everybody’s vote under the age of 59 lost then.

They’ve certainly lost mine.

I thought the Tories were going to help working single people.

Oh and STOP child benefit. What the heck is that for ?

Surely if you have a child, you have already planned its financing until 18 years of age.

[mugged_as_mp_laughs]

I’m not sure that’s how having children works. Incidentally, what do you care about working single people? None of them are you.

I am literally itching waiting for this guy to use “hard-working taxpayers” as if he actually is one. ‘Cos you know it’ll happen. Man that’ll be good.

There’s a thread up on “What are your plans for the Bank Holiday?” I can’t work out if these are intended as a test to see who can get angriest about spending a pleasant summer’s day away from work, as light relief from the weighty issues of contemporary politics or as a test to see who can get angriest at the very concept of light relief from politics (hint: it’s Topsy Turvy). Unsurprisingly, there’s a lot of smug shite like this:

Probably get my tax return form out and try and work out what I’ll be left with after the government has skinned me.

[unclegrumpy]

Fair enough. Whatever makes you unhappy.

And this:

I will be spending the holiday cleaning out the moat, painting the duckhouse and cutting back the wisteria.

Chris Oldershaw, Cenarth, Ceredigion, United Kingdom

Are you still on MPs’ expenses? Listen, if you’re getting low on material, maybe try clicking on the BBC News Front Page every couple of months instead of going straight to Have Your Say. Then maybe people will start talking to you again.

“This topic will start the usual miserable moaners off who will say that they are not going anywhere because :- 1) …..”
“Having had my say, I will not read any more of this topic until I come back – I’m going away for the weekend, and I’m not telling you where.”

Ron Anderson

Do you see what you’re doing here Ron?? You’re moaning about the moaners. That is even worse!

Glen Thomas

Haha! You’re right Glen! That’s exactly what he’s doing. I tell you what else though: read through your own post again and you’ll get a rather amusing surprise.

Thanks to Stu. Another valiant effort to combine all society’s ills into one perverted, swarthy, benefit-guzzling scapegoat. It’s also divided into handy paragraphs, moving neatly from “largely sensible”, through “scared, angry skinflint”, to “conspiracy theory and free association”.

Posted by: ion | May 15, 2009 7:20 PM
It is obvious to see that things are very wrong at the highest level but isn’t time to start denouncing expenses and waste at a local authority level too? We pay council taxes and business rates and instead of seeing these taxes being injected into policing and infrastructure, things are degrading.
I have recently seen the most infuriating act of unjustified expenditure in my borough. A whole refugee therapy center in the center of London that not only cost approximately £2 million but also is planted right next to a school (nursery, primary). Needless to say that this very therapy center has windows overlooking the schools.
So not only money was spent by the council like there’s no tomorrow but rules must have been bent in terms of protecting children, very young children, from people that need therapy.

Thing is, if these refugees have had to leave their own children behind, the temptation to peer at photogenic, blue-eyed white kids through council-funded paedoscopes will be simply too much. And, as everyone knows, the psychological effects of torture include manic bummermania and compulsive sneakiness. As if this wasn’t bad enough, their (taxpayer funded) X-Ray Molesting Glasses have been known to cause face-cancer in normal people.

Best not take the risk and just spend the cash on “ion” next time, eh?

Thanks to Fran and Matt for their submissions on Robin Hood.

Surely his role was quite the opposite: he was the opponent of oppressive over-taxing big government. He stole from the beneficiaries of a corrupt tax system to return wealth to the unfairly taxed masses that they might use it productively. In translating this to modern times, there is a twist. The beneficiaries of the taxes in Robin Hood’s day were the nobility and their various hangers-on, whereas today our taxes are squandered on welfare dependents and employees of public sector make-work schemes. Today’s Robin Hood should steal from the welfare claimants and public-sector payrolls and give to the productive middle classes.
Tim, London

I always thought Robin Hood had the wrong approach. If you take money from the rich, they’re not rich any more, and if you give money to the poor they’ll stop being poor. He probably ended up having to rob people straight afterwards so he could give the money back, and then vice versa. This idea is much better. If you rob people who Tim from London doesn’t like and give it to the people Tim from London does like, mostly Tim from London, you can be certain his grasping, small-minded prejudices won’t change.