spEak You’re bRanes

After his stellar showing of church moderniser to paedophile apologist in one fell swoop of illogic, I thought it might be worth keeping an eye on the man in charge of the Ship of Fools.

What are Britain’s new social evils?

Britain’s new (and top ten) social evils (in no particular order):

New Labour
Nu Labour

B liar Labour
Brown ed off (with) Labour

Neo Labour
unap Plod ded Labour

Neo conned Labour
Brown-nosed Labour

Go (r) down Labour
Rob the poor Labour
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

You don’t think you maybe lost it at about the point you came up with “unap Plod ded Labour” do you? Perhaps you should stick to the Sudoku rather than trying your hand at the crossword.

Whether Spielberg is right or wrong is a very minor issue. The larger issue is whether the Chinese care about such futile token pressures. Me thinks the Chinese are far ahead of the game. Similar pressures were applied recently regarding Burma? What happened? Nothing!

Another interesting aspect is the timing of all this sudden awareness of human rights in China. When the Olympic Games were awarded to China what was the human rights situation? In what way & to what extent is it different now?
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

Well, let’s see. There was this little thing, hardly even worth it to call it an incident, a tiny little happening. A happening-ette. The very quantum unit of an event. It was called The Tiananmen Square Massacre. People who have the slightest awareness of current events outside their own country heard of it, oh, just about 20 years ago. But of course there was no Olympic Coverage for you to have an opinion about it then.

Should the “Mosquito” anti-teen device be banned?

“have RSPCA been asked what this does to dogs after all they need to be taken into account.” Derek, Dorset, 12 Feb, 11:03

A very good point! I’ve nothing against dogs or cats or animals! As a supposedly ‘higher’ animal we should protect them.

Generalising means:
Cats, Dogs & Animals in general Have rights!
Unruly teenagers & yobs Have Human rights!

What am I forgetting?

A billion blistering barnacles!

What about the Rights of the VICTIMS???!!!

Hello! Hello!! Anybody home??!
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

It’s true, you know. Just the other day I found myself the victim of some Teenagers Standing Around Doing Nothing. I was walking to the tube station and they looked at me. If it weren’t for this stupid Human Rights legislation there’d have been no obstacle to me chopping their fucking hands off, and deservedly so!

Roy Scheider: In Memoriam

“He looked good on camera, but thats about it. He wasnt a very good actor.” steven morris, dorset, U K Recommended by 22
11 Feb 2008 18:00

The grammar & spelling in this comment are great! What are you 23 people on? Preferences can’t be legislated but most people here and in general would agree that he was a good/great actor and not a looker!

But please get a life; all of you. Criticising even when someone passes away is ???
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

…is exactly what you just did?

Ryanair has been told to withdraw an advert which features a model dressed as a schoolgirl beside the headline ‘Hottest back to school fares’.

Mr Sherrard-…believed the advert was not irresponsible nor offensive and would therefore “not be withdrawing this ad” and would “not provide the ASA with any of the undertakings they seek”.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating! The kind of adverts you’re defending are fine as long as they don’t affect anyone close to you. Right?

Sire! Are you married? How many daughters do you have? How many underage girls in your extended family? How would you react if one of them came to harm??!
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

Are you offering?

Do you feel “broke”?

It’s a bit late to ask that question! With the current lot in power for over a decade, I’ve been like Humpty Dumpty since I don’t know when!
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

Fat, stupid, and needing a whole regiment of horsemen to keep you going?

Should the council be allowed to thieve even more of your heard earned White GREAT BRITISH Pounds to give to immigrants and single mothers?

Council tax to go up by 5% & police pay rise must be “under 2% to keep inflation under control.”!

Inflation is caused when too much money chases too few goods. This means that consumers create a huge demand for goods. Supply can’t meet that demand & the prices go up. Fine!

What has council tax got to do with demand? The councils say they are being asked to do more with less funds & Whitehall says this isn’t true!

REALLY beggars belief! Bah!

International waters ARE the best! I’m off!
Captain-in-the-Dock, Lost ‘n’ Found in Britain

If only I could believe it.

It’s been a while since we heard from Lorna Pope. This was about excessive drinking.

is it not up to the person drinking to say i have had enough, when your an adult you don,t need your mother to tell you to wash behind your ears if you cant be responsable dont go out simple.
lorna pope, WIRRAL, United Kingdom

You’re a true libertarian. At some point we just have to trust people to do what’s right.

By way of reciprocation, I’m putting my faith in you Lorna. Next time you have an opinion about something (you’ll be able to tell because you’ll feel your lips moving for about a minute beforehand) make sure it’s not astonishingly stupid before you post it on the internet. I’m counting on thickies like you, with a mental age of “bassett hound”, to be responsible for realising exactly how simple you are. Simple.

Was browsing the thread about an actor (from “Emmerdale”) who died. I was looking for Grief Athletes but found this work of pointless, hilarious spite from Joy Pattinson. It’s not often that I cackle out loud at a HYS post. I bet this sour-faced harpy has eaten the assorted bodily scrapings of countless angry waiters and waitresses. Anyway, here you go:

Since Emmerdale is not broadcast outside the UK to my knowledge, I know nothing about this actor. He clearly allowed himself to become and remain type cast and in the end left us without becoming known to millions of us. I find it not fitting as a question for a world audience. I have never ever seen Emmerdale and this loss should be a warning to other budding actors to not become type case if they really want to be known outside the UK. Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

Naturally Israelis and Palestinians stopping slaughtering each other for a couple of minutes to catch their breath was received as bad news on HYS. But I like this comment. I like how he thinks the idea of all human lives being equally valid regardless of race is PC gone mad. It starts off with Arabs being equal to Jews and then what? Women being equal to men? Jews being equal to people? Dancing collie-dogs? You couldn’t make it up!

The next phase of this “deal” will see the release of Gilad Shalit in return for hundreds of Hamas “militants”.

The pc mantra that has often been reiterated on HYS, is that 1 Palestinian life is worth as much as 1 Israeli life.

Nevertheless, Nasrallah has been trading the remains of dead IDF personel in return for live Hez. terrorists.

Why do Hamas & Hez set such self-devaluating exchange rates?

rens wez

You don’t understand Rens. It’s called ’supply and demand’. Israel has lots more Palestinian prisoners available, so the price falls. Hamas only has one Israeli on sale, so the price goes up. It’s really very interesting if you read up on it.

Thanks to Bob.

The issue here isn’t one simply of crime. It’s the whole general attitude of today’s “yoof” that is the problem.

Intimidation
Lack of respect
Lazyness
Scruffyness
Lack of morals
Filthy language
Poor diction

None of the above things go through the courts, but they all influence how we perceive today’s youngsters.

When will those in power realise that you can’t decide policy from looking at pretty graphs and statistics - you actually have to get out there amongst the filth!!

Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

You’re one of those massive men with squeaky voices aren’t you? And the eyelashes of a cow? The sort of person who writes a letter to the council because your neighbour doesn’t keep his wheelie bins lined up straight against the wall. You work in public sector IT “support” but spend most of your time making squeaky, smug excuses like “Well, I could reset your password but not without a ‘Credential Change Request Form - CCF-ISG-CCR01′”. You have your own little corner that nobody else likes to go near in case they get a querulous lecture on how the tomato is actually a fruit. You actually think that you’re funny and that wearing a bowtie makes you look sophisticated and intelligent. Cock. They’d fire you if they thought they could prise you out from where you’ve got wedged behind that desk.

“Totally Disgruntled” has been trying to dig up some dirt on “NuLabour”. I expect he was busy the day they started privatising the health and education systems. And maybe he hasn’t fully understood that an illegal war is still a crime even if you only bomb Arabs. Never mind, he’s hit paydirt now.

You will be banned from sending your child to school if not vaccinated.

You will risk being imprisoned for not sending your child to school.

How does NuLabour reconcile this?
Totally Disgruntled, Wokingham

NOW YOU’VE GOT THEM!! They won’t wriggle out of it this time!

Thought for the day yeah? I reckon that almost everyone is basically decent and the only reason they’re able to behave like such awful cocks is through ignorance or self-delusion. Don’t get me wrong, some people are far more selfish than others, but almost nobody is able to look calmly at human suffering and not care. This is part of what makes us human. For normal people, violence against others is only possible in the heat of passion. It takes adrenaline and emotion. This is why we have to train our soldiers. This is why we have to demonise our official “enemies” and make them seem somehow inhuman. This is why we have to sanitise our brutality to make it sound surgical and bureaucratic. Otherwise neither Daily Mail readers nor terrorists could say “Bomb the evil ones” without feeling like they’re asking for other people’s mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and children to be ripped apart by flying fragments of white hot metal.

Then sometimes, I read something like Topsy Turvy’s comment below and I realise that the propaganda isn’t always necessary. Some people are just so fucking thick that they are barely able to comprehend the world they live in. They see everyone else discussing stuff and, like a pre-linguistic child, they flap their mouths and make noises in the firm belief that they’re joining in.

“Can the Amazon be exploited without being destroyed?”

Asia is a MASSIVE continent. Why can’t she feed herself?
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

Thanks to Laura for this one.

St Guys Hospital has a ward with people who have diseases that cannot be cured and are infectous and they are all immigrants that worries me.
mowamed demon

If I had to guess, I’d say you were talking complete bollocks. Fortunately, I don’t have to guess as Laura works at Guys and assures me that you’ve got everything (including the name of the hospital) wrong. I’d also guess that you’re a racist simpleton who spends hours on HYS inventing bizarre lies about immigrants. Again, I don’t have to. Here they are:

People who say Immigration made America great are missing one thing - It was great before all the Immigrants got their and distroyed the Native people to the brink of extinqsion - this has happened in New zealand and Australia where immigrants have taken over and local indiginous people have been sacrificed - so which is it going to be a country of immigrants or native people as only you can choose.
mowamed demon

Only the other day, the Polish bloke at work gave me smallpox and then used his cavalry and guns to outmanoeuvre then massacre my foot soldiers. It was a proper shitter.

I have sat down with my neighbour and we have found that I get taxed £9 a week more on £14000 and he gets back £26 a week on £21000 plus benefit credits and to top it off he is on a work permit from africa for 2 years with his family and I am a single British born citizen. how can this be right
mowamed demon

Serious??! Did you write to the tax people and explain that he and his family are only forrun but you’re an actual person??? It might be worth writing to his employers as well to point out that they’re paying him more than you get! It’s almost as if they think he’s more useful, smarter, harder working and generally better than you in every way. It’s like they’re saying that someone who’s come from another (much poorer) country, with far fewer opportunities, has somehow succeeded where you, despite being afforded so much opportunity, have been so slow, stupid and generally shit that you’ve failed at everything and now spend your life whining on the internet.

Is there going to be any change for me after today or am I still going to pay more tax - How hard can it be to get a straight answer and nothing I have seen on the news has said who now is going to benefit who did not before ? - will the bbc tell me if on my £7500 and able to claim no benefits or credits I am worse or better off today or has nothing changed.
mowamed demon

These last two posts were written within a few hours of each other so I suspect that mowamed is lying again. Although it’s possible that his employers halved his wages after realising that he’s a useless arsequack.

I’m adding him to “The Regular Twats” because I reckon he’s going to keep coming up with the goods.

More from my favourite soulless prick. The first is something to do with immigration.

This is just the first of many FACTS that the woolly-left have been ignoring for many years now.

It is only a matter of time before race riots spill blood on our streets.

Why did nobody listen to Enoch Powell all those years ago?

A mongoose and a snake will never live happily in the same pit.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

You heard it here first. DON’T MIX YOUR MONGEESE WITH SNAKES OR THEY WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

Is hip-hop ‘wrong’ for Glastonbury?

I never understood why people go to these things anyway.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

Haven’t you heard??? Owning a valid Glastonbury ticket entitles you to pay an extra £500 into your cash ISA!!!

I’ve got a raft of entries from this hilarious pig snatch. Although he (male I think) is a racist prick there’s also plenty of tragic comedy to be had in his consistently moronic posts. It all got even funnier when he mentioned that he’s 27 and suddenly my imagination dressed him in a bow-tie and had him listening to the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Here’s a first batch, concerning communism.

The UK should be very cautious of its ties with china until they abandon their archaic hold onto Communism (China, that is! Hard to tell who I mean with Labour in power, I know!) and continue to try and acquire Western military technology/data by surreptitious means.

I also will not listen to one more hypocritical word from this shower of a government with regards to “protecting the environment” and “green taxes” while they continue to encourage manufacturing in China.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

I love the idea of those sneaky Chinese peasants (with their bamboo trousers and hats made of rice) trying to sneakily steal all our brilliant technology and data. Any day now they’ll acquire the recipe for gun powder and THEN WHERE WILL WE BE?

But how slender does your grasp of politics and history have to be in order to think our government is communist? I guess it’s possible that he actually has a really solid grasp but has had his head wedged in some railings since 1993 and gets all his news third hand from his mum. She feeds him mashed up banana with a spoon and then tells him stories about the evil red threat and how it’s safest if he stays here, wedged between the bars with mummy, until Elrond has defeated Gordon Brown.

“Mr Brown should be ashamed that he has allowed his position as PM of this country to be used by a ruthless communist regeime.
Mark, Hednesford“

As I have been saying for many years now, the Labour party are merely Communists in disguise.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

It’s a VERY fucking good disguise.

Is this the beginnings of Cold War 2? Let’s hope so… it’s just the shake-up that Britain needs.

A call to arms will soon sort the wheat from the chaff. Or should I say the willing from the chavs?
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

What sort of hippo’s cock actually thinks a war would be good way to have a “shake-up”? The sort of startlingly misinformed Young Conservative who thinks the Cold War was actually a war, that’s who. We should round up all these sabre rattling idiots, give them guns and put them on opposite sides of a big field and shout “Go!”. Part of me hopes that they’d kill each other but it seems more likely that they’d hide in a ditch and wet themselves instead (to be fair, this is by far the sanest response and I suspect a great deal of army training is based around overcoming this instinct).

I’ve got loads more from him. Most of these prats post 10 boring racist rants for every comedy gem but this cunt is accidentally hilarious almost every time.