spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Sarah for wading through this humming toilet of impotent rage to find this…

I have never hit a woman in my life: but if I was attacked by one by the time I was finished with her she would be begging me to kill her. The misery I would put on someone who attacked me or anyone in my family would be so profound, so horrible, that they would prefer death over the pain and agony that I would inflict upon their body. If you think that I am too cruel, look to what you have become over there, across the pond. Youths who have nothing better to do than run around attacking people. Every day I read yet another article here at the Daily Mail, and, yes, we have the same problems here. But we know how to end the problem: lock them up for the rest of their natural life. Then they won’t have anyone to attack except each other. Forget about them. Don’t bring on the “Human Rights” bit, I respect the human rights of the victim, not those of the attacker.
Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA

Guess which of these statements is correct:

1. Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is a man who doesn’t fuck about.
2. Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is caught in the dark, wintry hinterland between civilised society and the point at which humanity shatters – whereupon a man becomes an implacable, jerking beast of vengeance in a world of screams – and one day something’s going to push him over the edge and then we’ll be sorry, like with Michael Douglas in that film or something.
3. Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is a mild-mannered IT professional who wasn’t breastfed.

Blah blah prisons yadda yadda something about crime thingummy VICTIMS!? I’m sure you can guess what’s coming.

In one of the Arab nations a child rapist and murderer of more than one child is to be beheaded and crucified. You can scream barbaric all you want but can anyone say he will be free to do this again or tax payers money spent keeping him and pandering to his human rights etc . If we could live the last moments of Sarah Payne’s life and then feel what her parents have felt and what they have been through our views would be somewhat different or have I missed something ?

Grant, Luton

Sharia for Britain. Duly noted.

Nice comfy cells, full sky tv subscriptions, the latest computer games, better meals than our children. This is what criminals get! Isnt prison supposed to punish the criminal not keep them entertained until they get released?!

Have them cleaning up our dirty streets, clearing motorway abnkings like they do in the US! Or even better a cell with just a bed and a bucket and bearly enough space to stand. That’ll sort out overcrowding.

Prison shouldnt be a time-out penalty box!

[bigo93], Bradford, United Kingdom

And sentences should be longer than just two mere halves of a paltry forty-five minutes each! That’s what you’re getting at, right?

I saw a report that said prisons were issuing hotel style satisfaction questionnaires in order that their standards didn;t slip! Erh, what about the needs of the poor sole they robbed, beat up, maimed or killed? Did anyone give them a questionnaire to complete in order to find out if their needs had been met?
More criminals should be imprisoned, especially habitual criminals.
Unless there are at least 6 to a cell, then there is no overcrowding.

lizben, Luton

I can well understand your anger lizben. Maybe you could find some small comfort by reading a report that says every night, a dirty great unicorn flies in through the window and bum-rapes the quivering prisoners with it’s magic giant cactus-cock.

We’ve tried being nice to criminals. It clearly doesn’t work.
It’s time the hard liners were given a try. Let them have fifty years to see if the tough approach works.
Public flogging for minor crimes like vandalism.
Hard labour for major crimes like burglary.
Hanging for murder.
Prison time should be hard time. When a criminal breaks down and wets himself as his sentence is read out, THEN the system is working again.

See Dubya, Liverpool

I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to read this post. Screw the victims, it’s all about my erection.

I’m not a reasonable man. Even so, if a friend told me that he’d had the zany idea of spending the winter months on Eastern Mediterranean Time, I’d probably just think: whatever floats your boat, mate. You fucking loon.

But when the Telegraph’s Charlie Brooks announced that he was doing just that, he was met with pages of vitriol.

Well, vitriol and this… whatever it is (thanks to Katherine)…

What a dysfunctional, miserable, rotten, hate filled, paranoid, fearful country this has become.

There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, that British administration and attitudes cannot make even worse than it already is/was.

Examples are so numerous that they are beginning to rival the spread of some virulent viral pandemic.

The current disastrous state of this benighted land politically, economically, socially and culturally cannot be overstated.

We are ruled by persons who apparently hate us and have betrayed our very national soul, we are inhabited by persons who hate each other, we cannot agree on anything.

Not that the majority are allowed a deciding voice mind (even though they are forced to fund this malevolent extravagance), that is the perogative of our political/administrative masters.

Who in turn appear to be in thrall to either the EU, sinister banking elites, Common Purpose, Frankfurt School adherents, multi-cultural fanatacists, perhaps all of these or indeed anything and everything that is inimical to Britain’s interests and needs.

I have long, long since given up on believing that this is ever going to be addressed by anybody in charge (sic).

Personally I blame the socialists for most of it during my lifetime but to be even handed it cannot be denied that Britain is also suffering from hubris.

The end result of a several hundreds years of treating the general populace as cannon fodder, drones and willing victims allied to cap doffing deference and no choice otherwise.

Unless you were one of the minority who were already privileged, could rise above it via education and hard work or were very lucky.

Those who could not put their trust in those (the socialists) who promised what they could never, ever deliver.

The proverbial silk purse from a sow’s ear as has been irrefutably proven over and over again.

All this against a background of fiscal decline, rising crime, unemployment, non-education and increasing taxation to further impoverish and trap us into submission, with booze, drugs and sex replacing bread and circuses.

Welcome to Dystopia Central formerly known as Great Britain.
Paul (1)

Paul (1) later writes:

I use this bullet style presentation to make my points clear, unambiguous and easy to read.

Stick to Greenwich Mean Time, kids.

Thanks to Alan for pointing me at the thread on state pensions rising to seventy.

UNLESS YOUR A PUBLIC SERVANT, then its somewhere around 52 with FULL GOLD PLATED PENSION paid for by the tax from my state pension and savings…SHOCKING!

MPS, COUNCILORS, TEACHERS, POLICE, FIRE, etc…all should work until the same age…if they can’t work in the front line then they should be forced to do voluntary or desk jobs to earn their GOLD PLATED PENSIONS

MillerMan UKIP, Staford, United Kingdom

I’m sorry MillerMan UKIP, I can’t quite follow your point exactly. Could you highlight the key words, maybe in bold or underlined, just to make it a bit clearer to the layman?

Why do you think that the elderly will not be getting the swine flue vaccination this is the governments hope that they all die off so they can save on their pensions and othe social security benifits thereby saving the treasury money. Back in the 60′s they used to secretly spray the population with biological germs just to test how they would work out in a crowded environment as I do not trust the government whats to say they have not created this one to save the treasury money on pensions
[johnilmalin1], Edinburgh, United Kingdom

And as we’ve seen before, it’s the public sector which costs the most on pensions. Don’t be surprised if the government tries to infect the NHS by directing sufferers to hospitals and doctors’ surgeries.

I’ll give the last word to Alan though, as it’s genius and made me wee myself a bit: John has not made it entirely clear whether ‘swine flue’ is a biological, non-bio or coloursafe germ.

Thanks to Robyn for this comment on the NHS website. I have to say this commenter is a cut above the average HYSer in terms of intelligence. Not because her post is any more rational, coherent or even readable, quite the opposite in fact, but because instead of hammering out her detailed instructions to Gordon Brown on the BBC or Times messageboards, she has actually found the time to type them into the website of a genuine arm of government and, better still, the one actually concerned with the particular thing she’s terrified of. All power to her I say.

‘debsmk’:
What is the government doing not quick enough for god sake this is serious we need the injections now and every 1 should have it regardless of age it should be given to all straight away this should have been tested years ago why is every one letting them get away with this maybe its who eerv is in space wiping us all out that will teach people who eat animals looks like its pay back time life for a life maybe don’t know action needs to be now injections need to work and it needs to be given next week to all . Come on stop people entering this country now and shut schools for 5 months and keep kids in not allowing them to spread it to every one else stop flights the french have right idea oh wyes but they havent got it have they

Too bloody right a life for a life. That must be what’s happening. You barbaric carnivores have brought swine flu upon us as karmic punishment for your cruel pork-guzzling ways. Hopefully crisis can be abated if we bite the (lettuce) bullet and let the slaughter of innocent animals stop at twenty-nine. Oh and stop immigration. That always helps, whatever the issue.

I’m having a week or two off work. The idea of spending any of my holiday sifting through that stinking mess doesn’t really appeal, so it’s all been a bit quiet. Alex has been busy though so I’ll get his work all queued up and ready to release. Like a saline drip with piss in it. Here’s the first.
- Nelson

An odd breed, the loudmouths who make up the Silent Majority, exhibiting any or all of the following symptoms: They consider themselves ordinary working people because they never did very well at school and the finest minds of their generation due to their well-paid white-collar job. They see themselves as revolutionaries for resisting every policy that might slightly alter society and as a lone voice of reason because they’re very, very angry and the whole country is behind them. Also they’re definitely, DEFINITELY not racist (only ethnics are racist these days) and are courageous champions of the working classes despite their paralysing fear of strikes and poor people. Which brings me to whatever the fuck Andy sent in:

THESE TRAIN DRIVERS ARE TAKING THE BISCUIT! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU GET SUPPOSEDLY POOR WORKING CONDITIONS AND PAY “GOD WE HEAR ABOUT IT ENOUGH”…BOO HOO!!! I DONT KNOW ANYONE THAT GOD A PAYRISE ARE THESE SO CALLED PEOPLE FOR REAL! ITS A JOKE! AND ANOTHERTHING WHILST IM GETTING 6 BUSSES AND TRAINS TO WORK TOMORROW, IF I GET MUGGED BY A GROUP OF CHAVS ON A BUS (THEIR LOCAL HANG OUT) WILL THE ALMIGHTLY UNION REPS PAY ME COMPENSATION? I DONT THINK SO. SO THEY CAN STICK THIS IN THEIR PIPE AND SMOKE IT AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED!!! AND DO ONE!
Bb, romford

Don’t forget though, if they hadn’t called a strike and you’d taken the train, they’d have had to compensate the buschavs for loss of earnings. I guess it was more prudent to inconvenience you instead because you’re a self-important, whiny cock.

Thanks to James for this comment on spying.

Graeme Gibson wrote:
The UK government needs to spy on the people.
Islam is spreading with her global plan and it doesnt matter if she uses violence, as long as all cultures get consumed for allah and the counterfeit that is their sharia law.
Many of the ordinary people likewise simply wont behave themselves.
Many teenagers have gone feral and refuse to work (its the same in Australia).
Society is slowly fading.
Give the police a break…let them spy without complaint.
If the people are going to become a rabble and terrorism is going to spread hard discipline will be needed lest civilisation falls.
You police can start with an attempt to ban that foul pornography, that creates so many sex criminals.
It has to go for the sake of the women and children.

You forgot the global warming hoax. Idiot.

Thanks to Thomas for finding this hilariously self-important tit commenting on Nick Robinson’s blog.

I hope that this whitewash is not connected with an email I sent this morning to a cross-party representation of the HOC about surprising monitoring of my PC with rather close links to Sky Sports, the Sun and the Daily Mail.

Perish the thought that FURTHER INFORMATION would lead to cases being dropped………..
rjaggar

This is a textbook example of the basic malfunction that drives these idiots to comment all over stuff. Obviously, many of them are also very, very thick and startlingly racist, but the thing that propels them to share this with the rest of us is the delusion that the world gives a freshly minted fuck what they think.

This theme leads me on nicely to these next comments which were posted on this very site. I love it when the disgruntled gnomes of Have Your Say venture out of their incredibly important world and arrive here, only to discover that everyone else has been pointing at them and howling with laughter. This time it was the turn of “1984ReturnsForReal” who is convinced that:

1. He’s dangerously subversive
2. That there’s some kind of librul conspiracy, hell-bent on destroying him
3. That other people give a shit about any of this

Anyway. He’s mid-flow here:

Thanks for the text at 4.42 this morning.

I assume its only the owner or agent of this site who can trace an IP address.

[...]

Unfortunately whover texted made the mistake (& I assume its a mistake) of texting my wife who has newly announced (yesterday) she is pregnant. Now if you take that text & read it back it would somewhat have undeniable threatening tone to a pregnant woman, wouldnt it?

I would advise all posters that possibly either the site owner or agent cannot be trusted with your details & should you have jobs that depend on a certain degree of discreteness you stay well away from this site.

Feel free to text her back & apologise.

It seems some people are not as intelligent as they pretend to be. Idiot.
1984ReturnsForReal

The idea that I can somehow determine his wife’s mobile number is merely very, very stupid. The idea that I would give a fuck is pure comedy genius.

There’s plenty more though:

Just got my first ever email from a dating site.

On top of the text to my wife at 4.40 this morning.

Funny that you all seem to think that this website is run by the righteous.

Like I said if your job means you need to maintain discretion I wouldn’t touch this website with a bargepole.
1984ReturnsForReal

Spam you say? YOU GOT SOME SPAM? Fuck me. They really ARE out to get you.

Still reading? Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE you want to keep taking the risk? I might not be as righteous as I pretend. I could be clearing your bank account out right now using electrickery.

Ready for the grand finale?

[...]

As for the text at 4.40 this morning you have had the opportunity to reverse it & yet done nothing. Its publish or police time. No choice after you arranged the email. Wifes mobile & my email, where do you stop?

I hope for your sake its a throw away sim in a throw away phone.
1984ReturnsForReal

See? He REALLY believes it. I would pay SO much money to be there as he explains to the police that he wants them to do something about his spam problem and a text that woke his wife up.

Just in case he’s still reading, I should tell him that I know he has Sky Broadband. I also reckon I know his name and the county he lives in (it’s surprising how much info people leak through HTTP headers). So I could have a guess at his landline number, if he’s not ex-directory. But, as I explained to him at the time:

“Rather than a technical solution, I actually used magic instead. If you go to the police I’m going to use more magic to prevent them from being able to imprison me.

There’s literally nothing you can do against this kind of power.”

Shockingly, a court has ruled that soldiers are humans.

why dont we just bring all the troops home, and keep out of all conflicts.seems now people can join the forces so long as they dont get hurt.I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life,and I am ex RN.Soon they wont be able to shoot anybody as it will be against the enemies human rights
trev devenish, grantham

Who on earth would want to live in a world like that? This human rights legislation certainly has a lot to answer for.

Thanks to Phil for spotting Keith, who has nothing to say but has found a creatively stupid way to say it.

How should we tackle terrorism?

We’ve gotta stand up, we’ve gotta be strong
We’ve gotta hold our nerve until the job is done
And they’ve made a killing,
They don’t care about the blood that they’re spilling

9/11, 9/11, what went down with building 7?
Ever since that fateful day
our civil rights have disappeared
A global fascist state draws near
and our freedom slips away
And they don’t give a stuff
They’ve made that clear enough
So now it’s up to us to bring ‘em down

keith, bournemouth

The formatting got a bit mangled when he posted to HYS but I think I’ve recovered the original intent. I mean, I chopped it up randomly, the same way it was assembled.

In case it’s not clear what keith is getting at, he’s referring to the popular theory that a conspiracy of powerful shadowy government agents staged the 9/11 attacks in order to erode our civil liberties so that a shadowy cabal of businessmen can take over the world. Presumably because they’re tired of having to pay lobbyists to bribe politicans to run the world for them.